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Jaded about Swinging
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Anyone of you here struggle with feelings of jadednesss from your swinging life and experience here? At what point do you decide that you know what, maybe it's time to just call it quits and call time on your lifestyle and return back to a normal vanilla life?
I'm honestly feeling the jadedness right now. Been swinging seven years now. It all just seems increasingly pointless nowadays, what with the amount of flaky swingers, fake profiles and everything in between.
I've had my good times. But it's starting to feel as though it's not enough to override the bad times and dry spells I've gone through before and now. Seen some of my best friends retire from here in recent times. It's almost like there's nobody left to stay for, to look forward to meeting. Not for lack of putting myself forward and socialising and whatnot. Done most of the sort of advice people get on here when it comes to how best to improve their luck in swinging. But it just doesn't seem to work anymore.
Not whinging or whining. I suppose I just want to get this feeling off my chest. I'm returning home permanently in the autumn, the local swinging scene back home has pretty much died, life's gonna be catching up with me what with entering the working world and all that "adulting" stuff. I can handle returning to a quiet vanilla life, settling for singlehood or a future normal relationship or marriage.
I suppose I'm just disappointed that instead of ending this chapter of my life with a bang, it might just be me quietly slipping away into the night. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So you're 23 and been swinging 7 years  "
Yeah. Well I'm turning 24 in July. I started when I was 17.
Yes. On hindsight it probably wasn't the best way to introduce myself to the adult world of sex and relationships. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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What are you trying to imply? I have never really been one to do hookups the way you described it. I've probably had more sexual experiences with couples and in groups than I have had with single females. I'm most certainly not confusing the two thank you very much!! |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
"What are you trying to imply? I have never really been one to do hookups the way you described it. I've probably had more sexual experiences with couples and in groups than I have had with single females. I'm most certainly not confusing the two thank you very much!! "
Nothing really but you have to agree swinging is full of older peeps so to have been swinging since 17 when you wouldn't (or shouldn't) have got into most clubs swinging or otherwise & be 'Jaded' by 23 is quite a feat in itself. I too had a few threesomes etc when younger but I still didn't see myself as a swinger persee and would hazard a guess that at the time neither did you, you were just having fun.
Its only once you've started with clubs, Fabs etc. now that you look back a little & find what you did earlier fits the remit of being a swinger. Most of mine did but at the time being called or seeing myself as a swinger because of it didn't enter my head..
I guess it was my twofold surprise that one so young could feel jaded about swinging or see it as important enough to get jaded about in the first place I guess.
Maybe just a little "Hide the profile" timeout is required?
S |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Between 17-23 I fucked most girls that would stand still long enough & were interested. But I wasn't a swinger, just a tart. You sure your not confusing the two?
S"
So, couples who go to clubs regularly and fuck different people all the time are just tarts? Or single people who do the same, with couples and other singles? |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
"Between 17-23 I fucked most girls that would stand still long enough & were interested. But I wasn't a swinger, just a tart. You sure your not confusing the two?
S
So, couples who go to clubs regularly and fuck different people all the time are just tarts? Or single people who do the same, with couples and other singles? "
Rather reading one thing and laying it on a different doormat are we not?
I referred to my younger self as a "tart" in a lighthearted "bit of a tart" way, From a time before I knew swinging existed or had any interest in it or its clubs.
Multiple pub/nightclub hookups on Fri/Sat nights, more than one threesome/foursome before I'm 22
What would you have called it? You can't just say "Growing up" people grow up & are still virgins at 25+ they are still grown ups..
S |
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"What are you trying to imply? I have never really been one to do hookups the way you described it. I've probably had more sexual experiences with couples and in groups than I have had with single females. I'm most certainly not confusing the two thank you very much!! "
I would hazard a guess that the hedonistic lifestyle you've enjoyed since you were 17 has taken its toll . You haven't yet experienced the type of relationship most of us seek , and maybe need to see what it's like to feel,something more ?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Does it have to be one or the other? Does calling time on swinging mean you have to go "vanilla"?
I think you're probably just as likely to end up in a kinky situation through pulling on a Saturday night out as you are arranging something over the Internet, it just might not have the same label  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What are you trying to imply? I have never really been one to do hookups the way you described it. I've probably had more sexual experiences with couples and in groups than I have had with single females. I'm most certainly not confusing the two thank you very much!!
Nothing really but you have to agree swinging is full of older peeps so to have been swinging since 17 when you wouldn't (or shouldn't) have got into most clubs swinging or otherwise & be 'Jaded' by 23 is quite a feat in itself. I too had a few threesomes etc when younger but I still didn't see myself as a swinger persee and would hazard a guess that at the time neither did you, you were just having fun.
Its only once you've started with clubs, Fabs etc. now that you look back a little & find what you did earlier fits the remit of being a swinger. Most of mine did but at the time being called or seeing myself as a swinger because of it didn't enter my head..
I guess it was my twofold surprise that one so young could feel jaded about swinging or see it as important enough to get jaded about in the first place I guess.
Maybe just a little "Hide the profile" timeout is required?
S"
Perhaps some context is needed.
I always knew exactly what I was doing, as in I jumped into swinging with both feet. I actually did my own research back then out of curiosity about sex and all that stuff and I thought if I wanted to explore my sexuality and find a lifestyle that allowed me to indulge in sex without necessarily making me feel like violation my self moral code (like hookups from nightlife with girls who probably only hook up when d*unk) then swinging was my best bet.
I'm originally from Singapore, we do not have swinging clubs there per se but we did use to have a small but active community there kind of like Fab. I actually lost my virginity during a gangbang that was organised by an expat couple travelling through the city when I was 17, which explains my unorthodox start to everything. It definitely isn't a case of looking back and labelling myself a swinger through retrospect. It has always been a conscious choice in my mind.
I do agree with some comments on here though that perhaps my years of hedonism has ruined my impression and perspective of love, relationships and sex between two individuals where emotions are actually involved. It is only something that is just starting to sink into my mind, that I feel hopeless when it comes to love and relationships, have no real success stories to show for it in terms of dating without things ending in flames, and that at the end of the day swinging might have provided a salve to my single male ego (knowing that I've done far more than the average guy back home sexually wise) but it's not something that has the same effect on me anymore as it did when I was 17 or 18.
Certainly it isn't an issue about whether or not I go on a timeout again like what some have suggested here. I know if I go on a timeout this time there is every likelihood I'd never return to Fab and I'd just call time on this chapter of my life. Being from an Asian country I think you guys can appreciate how I can, and still have to draw the distinction between choosing a relatively kinky lifestyle and a vanilla one once I go home. It just feels like for all the sexual skills I might have from all the years of swinging, it really doesn't matter in what ultimately makes a young man like me have in relationship or dating potential.
Sorry for the long explanation. I hope it has not been too convoluted! |
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OP it does sound very much like you threw yourself into the swinging lifestyle right from the get go. Most of us started with traditional relationships first before experimenting and becoming swingers later on.
Maybe you could experiment and try a traditional relationship/dating. The emotional closeness/intimacy you get from being in a relationship may be what you are craving.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"There is no reason why you can't enjoy a deep and meanful relationship with a like minded swinger."
Lol. That doesn't seem likely to happen anytime soon, if ever, for lots of reasons. |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"There is no reason why you can't enjoy a deep and meanful relationship with a like minded swinger.
Lol. That doesn't seem likely to happen anytime soon, if ever, for lots of reasons. "
You sound to be answering your own question. You are moving back home (if I read the above right), where there is limited availability to fuck to your hearts content and going to meet very immature women your own age.
There is a real stigma attached to being attached but would you rather be with someone for the sake of being with someone or find someone that is suited to you. Change is good, maybe the return home will be good but simply because you have been able to enjoy yourself doesn't mean you will no longer be able to. It is a strange assumption to make, that you should have lived like a monk to be able to know more now.
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I get what you mean/are coming from O.P. I sometimes feel the same not necessarily always jaded just wonder sometimes...I have to admit I probably don't really fit on to this scene for the most part being on this site for over 2 years now but I guess I stick around as I find it an interesting/ mysterious road to explore hence why I'd hit a club or social once in a while as there are different possibilities. My Point is when you feel like this just put the profile on hidden for a few weeks and don't log on just take time off to re-evaluate things and if you still feel the same way after a while then call it a day and pursue something else and if not then return when you wish to....hope this helped. |
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"
Not whinging or whining. I suppose I just want to get this feeling off my chest.
I suppose I'm just disappointed that instead of ending this chapter of my life with a bang, it might just be me quietly slipping away into the night. "
Goodness, it certainly read to me like whining 
Try and be a 'glass half full' type of guy, your opinions might just change a little  |
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By *rwolfMan
over a year ago
bristol |
"What are you trying to imply? I have never really been one to do hookups the way you described it. I've probably had more sexual experiences with couples and in groups than I have had with single females. I'm most certainly not confusing the two thank you very much!!
I would hazard a guess that the hedonistic lifestyle you've enjoyed since you were 17 has taken its toll . You haven't yet experienced the type of relationship most of us seek , and maybe need to see what it's like to feel,something more ?
"
What they said....
 |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
I am not sure whether I am jaded (I can say I've been a swinger for nearly 20 years, but was a bit of a shagger before then) or just going through the change. I have been let down, stood up, and basically arsed about for the last few months and if it hadn't been for a couple of stand out guys I would have gone by now. I do stay for the forums but even then the behaviour of some individuals just make me want to log off and never log back on.
I am not sure its worth me waiting to see if the hormonal situation changes, but one thing I do know. I won't be 'going back' to another life. I have never made this site my goal to the detriment of other things. I have made sure that my life has been well lived, while using swinging and this site as a bit of light seasoning. When swinging becomes a default setting then things need to change. You may be jaded, but it may be temporary. Hide your profile and take some time off. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" do you feel a change is in order or that you have been there/done that and now wish to part ways and explore other things in life?"
I think the uncomfortable answer to your question is the latter option. It's just been a small but growing feeling in me since about a year or so ago regarding swinging and my sexual life: that if I chose to permanently close this chapter of my personal life (swinging, experimenting, just general no-strings attached sex) I probably wouldn't miss it very much. And yet you no longer know what to look forward to in my next chapter of life in the emotional or mental sense. I feel played out. Jaded. Mentally and emotionally old and wrinkled.
For lack of a better way to compare and describe it, this feels like my moment comparable to a typical player guy who is active in the nightlife and hookup scene getting tired of things and wanting to get serious and settle down. Not exactly the same, but some attributes of emotions are pretty much spot on the same. The only difference is that I've a lot of issues to work out in terms of emotional health, love and relationship due to some traumatic experiences in the past. So it feels like there's really nothing to look forward to anymore for my personal life. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You may be jaded, but it may be temporary. Hide your profile and take some time off."
As I said earlier on, there's no question about "taking time off" anymore. I've gone down that route and option enough times and come back time and time again to swinging, be it on Fab or off Fab before I even came to the UK almost three years ago.
This time it's genuinely a watershed moment approaching where I decide whether or not this is a lifestyle choice I still want to make, or have I finally reached the point where I'm tired enough of all the sexual hedonism and experimentation and experience-creation and just want to return to a sedate, normal life and just hope for the best in terms of finding a girlfriend/wife in future, and concentrating more on long-term commitment and love than sexual stuff. |
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" I think the uncomfortable answer to your question is the latter option. It's just been a small but growing feeling in me since about a year or so ago regarding swinging and my sexual life: that if I chose to permanently close this chapter of my personal life (swinging, experimenting, just general no-strings attached sex) I probably wouldn't miss it very much. And yet you no longer know what to look forward to in my next chapter of life in the emotional or mental sense. I feel played out. Jaded. Mentally and emotionally old and wrinkled.
For lack of a better way to compare and describe it, this feels like my moment comparable to a typical player guy who is active in the nightlife and hookup scene getting tired of things and wanting to get serious and settle down. Not exactly the same, but some attributes of emotions are pretty much spot on the same. The only difference is that I've a lot of issues to work out in terms of emotional health, love and relationship due to some traumatic experiences in the past. So it feels like there's really nothing to look forward to anymore for my personal life. "
I see...hmmm well it appears in my own opinion that you my friend are at a crucible then as they call it or even a cross road... There are parts off you which wish to leave this scene due to growing disinterest in it which have been developing over a period off time and there are life issues which you wish to work on the none swinging related front correct? On the other hand if you exit this scene you are afraid that you won't know what to look forward to in a sense off sexual life or just everyday matters. Why not take a long break and figure/plan out the next step hell don't come on the site or do anything swing related for a few months and see where it will take you, and if you wish to stay there and continue in that direction and not look back then I wish you luck in you're future plans, if you have a change off heart then the door is always open to return sooner or later you will know when the time is correct or to leave it shut and move on. |
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I became jaded in reverse.. I simply can't goto a vanilla pub on a night out with mates, as I get pissed off at all the bollox they spout about "wow look at her and what they would do if she let them"
Since 90% of the crap they come out with, I would be doing, if I simply went out to a club with wiggles.
Vanilla pubs are boring now |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for your words Asianmale. And yeah there'll be a lot of thinking and re-evaluation for myself. "
I hope it works out for you quickly and cleanly |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I became jaded in reverse.. I simply can't goto a vanilla pub on a night out with mates, as I get pissed off at all the bollox they spout about "wow look at her and what they would do if she let them"
Since 90% of the crap they come out with, I would be doing, if I simply went out to a club with wiggles.
Vanilla pubs are boring now"
I can totally empathise with that feeling! It's the reason why I don't like going on nights out with people from uni or even entertaining young uni types who go on a night out and act like total cockteases. The attraction of a vanilla "nightlife hookup" lifestyle gets old real fast when you're a swinger. It's why I differentiate the driving dynamics between what I look for in terms of a swinging partner/s and someone who I meet in the real vanilla world and actually would want to date and have something concrete with. In terms of swinging sexual compatibility trumps everything; if I want to know and get close to someone in reality though their character and how we match up emotionally and mentally would matter far more to me. |
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Swinging is always something most people dip in and out of. You see people on the scene then they vanish and re emerge 12 months later. ......modern life. Kids work relationships .... Thing is once a swinger most people can't stop xx |
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Have fun in Singapore mate we spoke to you on our couples profile.
My advice keep your profile and hide for a while. You never know the scene may pick up back home and you may feel less jaded by then.
And plus if I'm ever out there you can hook a brother up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyone of you here struggle with feelings of jadednesss from your swinging life and experience here? At what point do you decide that you know what, maybe it's time to just call it quits and call time on your lifestyle and return back to a normal vanilla life?
I'm honestly feeling the jadedness right now. Been swinging seven years now. It all just seems increasingly pointless nowadays, what with the amount of flaky swingers, fake profiles and everything in between.
I've had my good times. But it's starting to feel as though it's not enough to override the bad times and dry spells I've gone through before and now. Seen some of my best friends retire from here in recent times. It's almost like there's nobody left to stay for, to look forward to meeting. Not for lack of putting myself forward and socialising and whatnot. Done most of the sort of advice people get on here when it comes to how best to improve their luck in swinging. But it just doesn't seem to work anymore.
Not whinging or whining. I suppose I just want to get this feeling off my chest. I'm returning home permanently in the autumn, the local swinging scene back home has pretty much died, life's gonna be catching up with me what with entering the working world and all that "adulting" stuff. I can handle returning to a quiet vanilla life, settling for singlehood or a future normal relationship or marriage.
I suppose I'm just disappointed that instead of ending this chapter of my life with a bang, it might just be me quietly slipping away into the night. "
Feel exactly the same at the moment. Things seem to have changed drastically from when we started all this.
Hoping things might still turn around though... |
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"Thanks for your words Asianmale. And yeah there'll be a lot of thinking and re-evaluation for myself. "
no worries OP you just have to remember this is not end all be all tbh, life is like a book that way living through chapters and once a chapter is ready to finish then you move on to the next. |
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