FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Alternative communication.
Alternative communication.
Jump to: Newest in thread
| |||
| |||
"texting can be fun. do clubs have wifi, coz there are apps where you can have group chats." no club worth it's salt would allow mobile use in any public areas...privacy matters a lot to people who go to them. | |||
| |||
"Hopefully something different to discuss? I'm looking for fun ways to communicate with people. I struggle hugely at times in clubs, as it just feels one sided. As I pour huge amounts of energy into lip reading and speech. I now avoid group chats as that is impossible to follow. Which results in me burning out after 10 - 15 minutes. Then retreating to a corner to sleep. (The club is very understanding and fantastic for this) I learnt very quickly that if I cannot engage in a way that most take for granted it is difficult to build a rapport. So I'm looking for suggestions. I might fall back onto the old notepad and pen route. Suggestions and possible fun ways to communicate will be read, and maybe an idea I've not thought of? Thank you for reading. HS " First thing I would ask is, do you find yourself making eye contact with people when you're in a club? That would be a good first step as it's non verbal. After that do you smile at them? Do they smile back? More non verbal! That would be a good time to go over and chat to that person one to one. I would mention early on about your hearing issue. If you can think of something funny to say about it all the better! This will show confidence around your personal issue plus break the ice with humour. Yes, you can use your disability in a positive way. Maybe get some tips from comedians with physical impairments. It takes practice though and it's not easy for ANYONE. Start by making eye contact and giving a warm smile from far away. Do this until it feels comfortable. Then move on to saying hello. I think most reasonable folk wouldn't have a problem with making sure that you can see their lips at all times if you mentioned it. It will take time but the journey is as much fun as the destination! Hope this helps.  | |||
"texting can be fun. do clubs have wifi, coz there are apps where you can have group chats. no club worth it's salt would allow mobile use in any public areas...privacy matters a lot to people who go to them. " thanks. i did forget they usually ban phones. can't think of anything else. | |||
" It is indeed absolutely exhausting! It can also be quite embarrassing when talking to people we haven't met before at the clubs, as for many people I come across as shy or disinterested because communication is hard. We tend to mix it up and spend time away from the noisy areas where it's possible to chat, and also recover a bit of mental energy too! Ultimately it means we don't use clubs as our main way of finding people, but as a fun place to be and enjoy the atmosphere (and sometimes the play.) It also means we look for quieter nights rather than the big party events, as it'll be - well - quieter! " Thank you for your feedback. I also come across as either "shy/disinterested" There are times when my resolve falters (But I bounce back!) and just simply think, this is a hearing person thing only. Crushes any confidence I have at times. But I'm a rebel, and being that "odd" one that rails against rules 
" thanks. i did forget they usually ban phones. can't think of anything else." A lovely idea though! But for reasons stated wouldn't be appropriate, which is a shame 
" First thing I would ask is, do you find yourself making eye contact with people when you're in a club? That would be a good first step as it's non verbal. After that do you smile at them? Do they smile back? More non verbal! That would be a good time to go over and chat to that person one to one. I would mention early on about your hearing issue. If you can think of something funny to say about it all the better! This will show confidence around your personal issue plus break the ice with humour. Yes, you can use your disability in a positive way. Maybe get some tips from comedians with physical impairments. It takes practice though and it's not easy for ANYONE. Start by making eye contact and giving a warm smile from far away. Do this until it feels comfortable. Then move on to saying hello. I think most reasonable folk wouldn't have a problem with making sure that you can see their lips at all times if you mentioned it. It will take time but the journey is as much fun as the destination! Hope this helps. "Hiya mate! I must confess I rarely do, as first thing I look at (Instinct) is their facial patterns, and lips. As to save myself from wasting energy if they are impossible to understand. Maybe a bit harsh? But I'm open to trying! I'll give it go as life is nothing unless you challenge yourself. I'll work on my smile 
Ahhh the old "Is Deafness a disability"? That is another thread for another time heh. A very potentially explosive topic heh. But the humour aspect is bloody good! I'll have a hunt for some good comedians.
Good stuff, and I'll say old chap I'll do my darnest to achieve this :D | |||
" It is indeed absolutely exhausting! It can also be quite embarrassing when talking to people we haven't met before at the clubs, as for many people I come across as shy or disinterested because communication is hard. We tend to mix it up and spend time away from the noisy areas where it's possible to chat, and also recover a bit of mental energy too! Ultimately it means we don't use clubs as our main way of finding people, but as a fun place to be and enjoy the atmosphere (and sometimes the play.) It also means we look for quieter nights rather than the big party events, as it'll be - well - quieter! Thank you for your feedback. I also come across as either "shy/disinterested" There are times when my resolve falters (But I bounce back!) and just simply think, this is a hearing person thing only. Crushes any confidence I have at times. But I'm a rebel, and being that "odd" one that rails against rules
thanks. i did forget they usually ban phones.
can't think of anything else.
A lovely idea though! But for reasons stated wouldn't be appropriate, which is a shame
First thing I would ask is, do you find yourself making eye contact with people when you're in a club? That would be a good first step as it's non verbal.
After that do you smile at them? Do they smile back? More non verbal! That would be a good time to go over and chat to that person one to one. I would mention early on about your hearing issue. If you can think of something funny to say about it all the better! This will show confidence around your personal issue plus break the ice with humour. Yes, you can use your disability in a positive way. Maybe get some tips from comedians with physical impairments.
It takes practice though and it's not easy for ANYONE. Start by making eye contact and giving a warm smile from far away. Do this until it feels comfortable. Then move on to saying hello. I think most reasonable folk wouldn't have a problem with making sure that you can see their lips at all times if you mentioned it.
It will take time but the journey is as much fun as the destination! Hope this helps.
Hiya mate!
I must confess I rarely do, as first thing I look at (Instinct) is their facial patterns, and lips. As to save myself from wasting energy if they are impossible to understand. Maybe a bit harsh?
But I'm open to trying! I'll give it go as life is nothing unless you challenge yourself. I'll work on my smile
Ahhh the old "Is Deafness a disability"? That is another thread for another time heh. A very potentially explosive topic heh. But the humour aspect is bloody good! I'll have a hunt for some good comedians.
Good stuff, and I'll say old chap I'll do my darnest to achieve this :D "I guess views on deafness as a disability depend on whether you are, or know someone who is, Deaf as opposed to deaf (for those who don't know the capital letter is important) I'm not sure what the answer is in a club, are you on any vanilla groups where you might find out how others manage in regular nightclubs? There's nothing wrong with a good old pen and paper, maybe put something on the front cover explaining why you have them so people understand, hopefully anyone decent would be more than happy. Are you a BSL user? How far can you get with sign and gestures? My signing isn't great but lots of people love trying to sign or coming up with their own, maybe that might be a bit of an ice breaker? | |||
" I guess views on deafness as a disability depend on whether you are, or know someone who is, Deaf as opposed to deaf (for those who don't know the capital letter is important) I'm not sure what the answer is in a club, are you on any vanilla groups where you might find out how others manage in regular nightclubs? There's nothing wrong with a good old pen and paper, maybe put something on the front cover explaining why you have them so people understand, hopefully anyone decent would be more than happy. Are you a BSL user? How far can you get with sign and gestures? My signing isn't great but lots of people love trying to sign or coming up with their own, maybe that might be a bit of an ice breaker? " You are spot on! Very refreshing to read someone who knows about the D vs d cultural reference, that has made my day! 
Sadly l tried for years regarding vanilla clubs. From being attacked, insulted and generally made to feel like scum. I stopped. Plus the lighting is terrible heh.
Note on the front is a splendid idea! Regarding to sign, l am a fluent signer as it is my prefered language. A lot of people sadly look blankly when l sign, or try to be 'humoureous' by plainly swearing or some school playground signs.... stretches my patience at times  But proper signing could be a fun ice breaker! I do have speech and unless you know me l sound like a hearing person (yearrrrrrrrrrrsssssss of practice and I'm one of the rare few who can) which could be a curse as much as a blessing at times.
Thank you for replying | |||
" I guess views on deafness as a disability depend on whether you are, or know someone who is, Deaf as opposed to deaf (for those who don't know the capital letter is important) I'm not sure what the answer is in a club, are you on any vanilla groups where you might find out how others manage in regular nightclubs? There's nothing wrong with a good old pen and paper, maybe put something on the front cover explaining why you have them so people understand, hopefully anyone decent would be more than happy. Are you a BSL user? How far can you get with sign and gestures? My signing isn't great but lots of people love trying to sign or coming up with their own, maybe that might be a bit of an ice breaker? You are spot on! Very refreshing to read someone who knows about the D vs d cultural reference, that has made my day!
Sadly l tried for years regarding vanilla clubs. From being attacked, insulted and generally made to feel like scum. I stopped. Plus the lighting is terrible heh.
Note on the front is a splendid idea! Regarding to sign, l am a fluent signer as it is my prefered language. A lot of people sadly look blankly when l sign, or try to be 'humoureous' by plainly swearing or some school playground signs.... stretches my patience at times But proper signing could be a fun ice breaker! I do have speech and unless you know me l sound like a hearing person (yearrrrrrrrrrrsssssss of practice and I'm one of the rare few who can) which could be a curse as much as a blessing at times.
Thank you for replying "You're welcome, it's a world we know a bit about, and understand how tiring it can be. Re the vanilla clubs I was just thinking if you asked basically the same question of a group of D/Deaf people, but in the context of nightclubs so you don't blow your cover, they might have some ideas that you could use. Maybe a combination of when you first meet having a chat and explaining if it's not too loud , and using notes and gestures, maybe teach people a few choice adult signs as a bit of fun. I've found, not in a swinging club context admittedly, that if I use sign with G while we're out and about - it's so handy in loud venues - people tend to look, sometimes ask. Hope you find the winning combination x | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
" I guess views on deafness as a disability depend on whether you are, or know someone who is, Deaf as opposed to deaf (for those who don't know the capital letter is important) I'm not sure what the answer is in a club, are you on any vanilla groups where you might find out how others manage in regular nightclubs? There's nothing wrong with a good old pen and paper, maybe put something on the front cover explaining why you have them so people understand, hopefully anyone decent would be more than happy. Are you a BSL user? How far can you get with sign and gestures? My signing isn't great but lots of people love trying to sign or coming up with their own, maybe that might be a bit of an ice breaker? You are spot on! Very refreshing to read someone who knows about the D vs d cultural reference, that has made my day!
Sadly l tried for years regarding vanilla clubs. From being attacked, insulted and generally made to feel like scum. I stopped. Plus the lighting is terrible heh.
Note on the front is a splendid idea! Regarding to sign, l am a fluent signer as it is my prefered language. A lot of people sadly look blankly when l sign, or try to be 'humoureous' by plainly swearing or some school playground signs.... stretches my patience at times But proper signing could be a fun ice breaker! I do have speech and unless you know me l sound like a hearing person (yearrrrrrrrrrrsssssss of practice and I'm one of the rare few who can) which could be a curse as much as a blessing at times.
Thank you for replying "You're welcome, it's a world we know a bit about, and understand how tiring it can be. Re the vanilla clubs I was just thinking if you asked basically the same question of a group of D/Deaf people, but in the context of nightclubs so you don't blow your cover, they might have some ideas that you could use. Maybe a combination of when you first meet having a chat and explaining if it's not too loud , and using notes and gestures, maybe teach people a few choice adult signs as a bit of fun. I've found, not in a swinging club context admittedly, that if I use sign with G while we're out and about - it's so handy in loud venues - people tend to look, sometimes ask. Hope you find the winning combination x | |||
"Hopefully something different to discuss? I'm looking for fun ways to communicate with people. I struggle hugely at times in clubs, as it just feels one sided. As I pour huge amounts of energy into lip reading and speech. I now avoid group chats as that is impossible to follow. Which results in me burning out after 10 - 15 minutes. Then retreating to a corner to sleep. (The club is very understanding and fantastic for this) I learnt very quickly that if I cannot engage in a way that most take for granted it is difficult to build a rapport. So I'm looking for suggestions. I might fall back onto the old notepad and pen route. Suggestions and possible fun ways to communicate will be read, and maybe an idea I've not thought of? Thank you for reading. HS " Take a BSL interpreter with you  | |||
| |||
" You're welcome, it's a world we know a bit about, and understand how tiring it can be. Re the vanilla clubs I was just thinking if you asked basically the same question of a group of D/Deaf people, but in the context of nightclubs so you don't blow your cover, they might have some ideas that you could use. Maybe a combination of when you first meet having a chat and explaining if it's not too loud , and using notes and gestures, maybe teach people a few choice adult signs as a bit of fun. I've found, not in a swinging club context admittedly, that if I use sign with G while we're out and about - it's so handy in loud venues - people tend to look, sometimes ask. Hope you find the winning combination x" Always lovely to know I'm not completely alone in this. We are rare but we are out there 
Ahhh I see. Most Deaf/deaf people I know tend to just avoid hearing centred nightclubs, for the same reason as stated. So much energy for little to nothing in return. So most of them go out in groups because then they have a conversation. Always funny, as being a signer in that situation is easy, and watching people shout out into each others ears to communicate does cause the odd giggle.
I thank you again for the idea, I can switch to SSE when talking (Not as draining) which might be an idea? Plus gives a visual cue about me?
I will continue to try and find the combination. Thank you again.
"For someone who is deaf or hard of hearing, maybe a small card? Be super posh and do a few starting with "hi" and flip through with a smile.. A novel way of breaking the ice with someone and if done right would get a lot of smiles and laughs? " I actually quite like this! Thank you! (Investigates some pricing) Making me smile
"Maybe clubs could have a room where mobiles are allowed to allow for communication. It is about being included rather than feel isolated. Possibly some other means of texting within a club if you could give someone you are interested in a handset of some sort. I sometimes have issues hearing everyone when it's noisy and give up trying to join in. Why not approach a club and ask them if they have a suggestion. Good luck " This is a nice idea, and with the understanding that it is only within this room? I quite like that. The club I attend have well lit areas, and a lot of rooms have dimmer switches which you can control. You are right, while I know it isn't everyone's intention but it does feel isolating at times. Which is a horrible sensation. Try and grin and bear it. Ahhh "Ping pong" conversations, where you need a dozen pair of eyes to vaguely follow what is going on. Culturally I've never understood why people do this. With signers generally one person signs everyone else "listens" then wait for their cue to respond. Bit more civilised in my eyes. I shall see what can be done, thank you for replying. " Take a BSL interpreter with you "Hee hee, that would make for an interesting booking request 
"This is an interesting post. " Glad your enjoying it. | |||
" Take a BSL interpreter with you
Hee hee, that would make for an interesting booking request
"Guess the fluttering eyelids weren't a clear enough hint.. Ahem ahem..hi I'm a Terp  | |||
" Guess the fluttering eyelids weren't a clear enough hint.. Ahem ahem..hi I'm a Terp "Well you know us, we are very literal. Hello Terp, lovely to meet you :D | |||
