FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > The biggest threat for swingers
The biggest threat for swingers
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I was going to post the message below on another thread where the OP had fallen in love with her swinging partner and was thinking of leaving her husband and kids but the thread got deleted. I'm posting it here not to continue that thread but to make what I believe is a very important point and it certainly applied to the woman in question.
"For other swingers reading this let it be a warning. Forget kissing, romantic candle lit meals, separate play, naughty weekends away, or whatever else you think is the biggest threat swinging presents for your relationship. The biggest threat by far, and the biggest error swingers make, is continued private communications between meets. It may seem innocuous and innocent compared to all the other stuff but it's not." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Kind of agree, we used to freely give out private contact details.
Snapchat, whatsapp, kik etc.
It's kik or nothing now.
Not that anythings ever come close to even slightly coming between us, but some people don't understand when they're messaging too much.  |
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"I was going to post the message below on another thread where the OP had fallen in love with her swinging partner and was thinking of leaving her husband and kids but the thread got deleted. I'm posting it here not to continue that thread but to make what I believe is a very important point and it certainly applied to the woman in question.
"For other swingers reading this let it be a warning. Forget kissing, romantic candle lit meals, separate play, naughty weekends away, or whatever else you think is the biggest threat swinging presents for your relationship. The biggest threat by far, and the biggest error swingers make, is continued private communications between meets. It may seem innocuous and innocent compared to all the other stuff but it's not.""
That assumes you have an aversion to poly relationships and a lot of spare time on your hands. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That previous thread sounds like the reason I say it bollocks when when people say married people are safer because they don't get attached"
Married people playing alone and without consent are just as likely to be looking for an escape route as they are to be unlikely to get attached |
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I don't know if the fact that we never communicate in private conversations with meets is a factor in why see no danger or not . But ever since we started our journey some six years ago that's something we would never do . Way too much drama , and potential pitfalls . Swinging is supposed to be fun and that's all it's ever been for us . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree with you. I do the majority of chatting with people we meet, largely because we mostly meet single guys and Gs attitude is that it's me who needs to really get on with them and feel comfortable. However it's all done via group chat on Kik or on here so everything is open and honest. Hiding contact would feel really deceitful. |
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the way in which people conduct their swinging life is up to them, there are no hard and fast rules, what suits some will not suit others, just like in every other thing in life, people will meet at work and many other places and fall in love and leave partners and children not just on swinging sites |
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"the way in which people conduct their swinging life is up to them, there are no hard and fast rules, what suits some will not suit others, just like in every other thing in life, people will meet at work and many other places and fall in love and leave partners and children not just on swinging sites"
Not nice to hear but true! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"the way in which people conduct their swinging life is up to them, there are no hard and fast rules, what suits some will not suit others"
My post was not about rules it was about risks. Kissing, candlelit meals, etc pose little or no risk. Private communications pose a much higher risk. That's all. If private communications turn you on then you'll obviously want to do some of it but you should know you're playing with fire and that you should probably seek to limit it if possible. Maybe set up a Skype account specifically for that person and give your partner the password to it and the ability to delete it on a prearranged date. This might sound extreme but in our mind private communication is almost up there with condoms |
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"the way in which people conduct their swinging life is up to them, there are no hard and fast rules, what suits some will not suit others
My post was not about rules it was about risks. Kissing, candlelit meals, etc pose little or no risk. Private communications pose a much higher risk. That's all. If private communications turn you on then you'll obviously want to do some of it but you should know you're playing with fire and that you should probably seek to limit it if possible. Maybe set up a Skype account specifically for that person and give your partner the password to it and the ability to delete it on a prearranged date. This might sound extreme but in our mind private communication is almost up there with condoms "
For you and others maybe. For us, no. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi guys, thanks for earlier. I can pinpoint the instance when things went over the agreed boundaries. As some of you know, I am the one who chats, searches and takes full control of our profile on here. Hubby is happy for me to do that, as per other lady, it is us who has to be attracted, happy and comfortable with any proposed meet. We would then by mutual consent swap numbers and continue the chat via whatsapp giving our proposed guest both numbers and opening up a group chat so we were all aware of what is said, arranged and pics shared. The minute this changed was when i felt lonely one afternoon and contacted our friend through a personal whatsapp on my phone. At first he did question why but soon we were chatting freely and all thoughts of my husband were abolished. We ended up on facetime with both of us masturbating. I felt naughty but excited at the rawness of it. From then on, it became a regular thing in the afternoons, after each session all traces were deleted and pics / video's removed from the phone. That was the start of my problems.  |
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"the way in which people conduct their swinging life is up to them, there are no hard and fast rules, what suits some will not suit others
My post was not about rules it was about risks. Kissing, candlelit meals, etc pose little or no risk. Private communications pose a much higher risk. That's all. If private communications turn you on then you'll obviously want to do some of it but you should know you're playing with fire and that you should probably seek to limit it if possible. Maybe set up a Skype account specifically for that person and give your partner the password to it and the ability to delete it on a prearranged date. This might sound extreme but in our mind private communication is almost up there with condoms "
you and your partner meet separately so how do you know what goes on at his solo meets? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was going to post the message below on another thread where the OP had fallen in love with her swinging partner and was thinking of leaving her husband and kids but the thread got deleted. I'm posting it here not to continue that thread but to make what I believe is a very important point and it certainly applied to the woman in question.
"For other swingers reading this let it be a warning. Forget kissing, romantic candle lit meals, separate play, naughty weekends away, or whatever else you think is the biggest threat swinging presents for your relationship. The biggest threat by far, and the biggest error swingers make, is continued private communications between meets. It may seem innocuous and innocent compared to all the other stuff but it's not.""
To be honest she just sounds like a shitty and greedy woman/mother/wife amd you cant account for shitty people doing shitty things because they are childish or selfish or just have poor judgement
And the biggest threat to swinging as you put it
Is being in a IRL relationship and thinking you can both swing as well.
I mean i know for me everytime ive heard an argument in a club its a real couple arguing because one or both have had too much to drink or one has over stepped a boundry or more often then no, both.
You dont need to "not talk between meets" or any stupid shit like that
If it becomes something you dont want break it off and find someone else as your FWB or better yet try and fix your clearly failing relationship before just bailing to some random person you met online! |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
•+• Access Denied •+• |
you don't own your partner, the risk is that basically.
they can fall for others if they want to, enjoy chatting to them if they want to, and develop relationships outside of your marriage.
non-ownership is the risk as far as i'm concerned. |
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"I was going to post the message below on another thread where the OP had fallen in love with her swinging partner and was thinking of leaving her husband and kids but the thread got deleted. I'm posting it here not to continue that thread but to make what I believe is a very important point and it certainly applied to the woman in question.
"For other swingers reading this let it be a warning. Forget kissing, romantic candle lit meals, separate play, naughty weekends away, or whatever else you think is the biggest threat swinging presents for your relationship. The biggest threat by far, and the biggest error swingers make, is continued private communications between meets. It may seem innocuous and innocent compared to all the other stuff but it's not."
To be honest she just sounds like a shitty and greedy woman/mother/wife amd you cant account for shitty people doing shitty things because they are childish or selfish or just have poor judgement
"
She was facing a decision in an emotionally complex situation she hadn't expected to face. That doesn't make her a shitty person.
Personally i think leaving her husband would be a shitty thing to do but even that doesn't make her a shitty person because you can't define an entire persons life by one moment of it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was going to post the message below on another thread where the OP had fallen in love with her swinging partner and was thinking of leaving her husband and kids but the thread got deleted. I'm posting it here not to continue that thread but to make what I believe is a very important point and it certainly applied to the woman in question.
"For other swingers reading this let it be a warning. Forget kissing, romantic candle lit meals, separate play, naughty weekends away, or whatever else you think is the biggest threat swinging presents for your relationship. The biggest threat by far, and the biggest error swingers make, is continued private communications between meets. It may seem innocuous and innocent compared to all the other stuff but it's not."
To be honest she just sounds like a shitty and greedy woman/mother/wife amd you cant account for shitty people doing shitty things because they are childish or selfish or just have poor judgement
And the biggest threat to swinging as you put it
Is being in a IRL relationship and thinking you can both swing as well.
I mean i know for me everytime ive heard an argument in a club its a real couple arguing because one or both have had too much to drink or one has over stepped a boundry or more often then no, both.
You dont need to "not talk between meets" or any stupid shit like that
If it becomes something you dont want break it off and find someone else as your FWB or better yet try and fix your clearly failing relationship before just bailing to some random person you met online!"
Whilst you make it sound so easy and matter of fact, your not taking into account the natural formation of a relationship, or the human trait of being attracted to the opposite sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The biggest and only threat in any relationship swinging or not are the 2 ppl in that relationship...u cant steal someone if they don't want to be stolen if someone is flirting taking things to far its up to the person in the relationship to say enough is enough and if they don't then there is the threat ...saying that ppl shouldn't talk to meets in between the meets is almost as bad as stopping ur partner having friends of the opposite sex |
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"The biggest and only threat in any relationship swinging or not are the 2 ppl in that relationship...u cant steal someone if they don't want to be stolen if someone is flirting taking things to far its up to the person in the relationship to say enough is enough and if they don't then there is the threat ...saying that ppl shouldn't talk to meets in between the meets is almost as bad as stopping ur partner having friends of the opposite sex "
I think that the point being made here is that when you engage in casual NSA sex with someone , that's how it should stay when you're one half of a couple . It's not that difficult to see it for what it is in a physical way , but can get complicated if it goes off on other tangents .
It would be bloody difficult to exchange private messages with someone you had shared sexual fun with and not allow yourself to get a bit too emotionally involved at some point . There's no way it would just be messaging about what may happen on the next meet after a while , and before you know it you are exchanging messages when you feel a bit down looking for support etc....
It's a slippery slope , and if your partner doesn't know the content of what's being said , the secrets and guilt will creep in .
I'm not saying this would always be the case , but in some cases this is exactly what happens . The grass always seems greener in the other side . That person you are messaging , that shared you sexually becomes a confidant , and way too many emotions get stirred .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The biggest and only threat in any relationship swinging or not are the 2 ppl in that relationship...u cant steal someone if they don't want to be stolen if someone is flirting taking things to far its up to the person in the relationship to say enough is enough and if they don't then there is the threat ...saying that ppl shouldn't talk to meets in between the meets is almost as bad as stopping ur partner having friends of the opposite sex
I think that the point being made here is that when you engage in casual NSA sex with someone , that's how it should stay when you're one half of a couple . It's not that difficult to see it for what it is in a physical way , but can get complicated if it goes off on other tangents .
It would be bloody difficult to exchange private messages with someone you had shared sexual fun with and not allow yourself to get a bit too emotionally involved at some point . There's no way it would just be messaging about what may happen on the next meet after a while , and before you know it you are exchanging messages when you feel a bit down looking for support etc....
It's a slippery slope , and if your partner doesn't know the content of what's being said , the secrets and guilt will creep in .
I'm not saying this would always be the case , but in some cases this is exactly what happens . The grass always seems greener in the other side . That person you are messaging , that shared you sexually becomes a confidant , and way too many emotions get stirred .
"
Both me and Mr k talk to ppl we have reg meets with in text messages we don't know what's being said but we trust one another..and the ppl we meet are friends not there to be discarded as soon as we are finished with them and picked up when we want a shag..think there is less chance of someone leaving u for a fb as half the time affairs start because ppl become close and then they realise there is an attraction then the sexual tension builds and gives it a excitement that builds and builds till you give into it...where as a fb u have already shagged so u don't get that...but as i said still ur partner that's the biggest threat because to a relationship because its all down to their love and loyalty |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"saying that ppl shouldn't talk to meets in between the meets is almost as bad as stopping ur partner having friends of the opposite sex "
This thread is in the "advice" section for a reason; it's our advice. I have little to add beyond _loswingers excellent response, but our advice is simple... If you're trying to protect your relationship from the risks of swinging by not kissing, not having candlelit dinners, etc but you're happy to allow private communications between your partner and your playmates between meets, you've entirely misunderstood where the real risks are. There is little or nothing you could do on a brief meeting (even a debauched separate weekend away with each other's partner) that could pose as much risk to a swinging relationship than private conversations between meets. The few who've complained about this advice on this thread have actually affirmed it, saying it would promote polyamory (feelings of love) and, in your case , friendship (emotional ties)
The advice, then, is to chill out with all the rules and regulations about how or how not to play... they really don't make much difference... but to have strong rules about communicating. As our previous post showed, this needn't mean you don't do private communications between meets. It just means you need to be wary and careful when doing so and should make sure your partner has access to them, or is at least abreast of it all, and has the ability to pull the plug on it. If you think this is overkill read the forums for a while and you'll soon see the pattern...
Swingers who fall apart are swingers who talk apart  |
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"Hi guys, thanks for earlier. I can pinpoint the instance when things went over the agreed boundaries. As some of you know, I am the one who chats, searches and takes full control of our profile on here. Hubby is happy for me to do that, as per other lady, it is us who has to be attracted, happy and comfortable with any proposed meet. We would then by mutual consent swap numbers and continue the chat via whatsapp giving our proposed guest both numbers and opening up a group chat so we were all aware of what is said, arranged and pics shared. The minute this changed was when i felt lonely one afternoon and contacted our friend through a personal whatsapp on my phone. At first he did question why but soon we were chatting freely and all thoughts of my husband were abolished. We ended up on facetime with both of us masturbating. I felt naughty but excited at the rawness of it. From then on, it became a regular thing in the afternoons, after each session all traces were deleted and pics / video's removed from the phone. That was the start of my problems. "
If you are deleting messages, keeping secrets and hiding things from your partner then you are cheating. You may not be fucking someone behind your partners back but you know what you are doing is wrong and can hurt the person you care about. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"the way in which people conduct their swinging life is up to them, there are no hard and fast rules, what suits some will not suit others
My post was not about rules it was about risks. Kissing, candlelit meals, etc pose little or no risk. Private communications pose a much higher risk. That's all. If private communications turn you on then you'll obviously want to do some of it but you should know you're playing with fire and that you should probably seek to limit it if possible. Maybe set up a Skype account specifically for that person and give your partner the password to it and the ability to delete it on a prearranged date. This might sound extreme but in our mind private communication is almost up there with condoms "
If my partner trusted me so little that I had to set up special little skype accounts and let them read every bit of personal correspondence with people I might be fucking, then I'd dump my partner. We clearly would have nothing left worth saving by that point. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"saying that ppl shouldn't talk to meets in between the meets is almost as bad as stopping ur partner having friends of the opposite sex
This thread is in the "advice" section for a reason; it's our advice. I have little to add beyond _loswingers excellent response, but our advice is simple... If you're trying to protect your relationship from the risks of swinging by not kissing, not having candlelit dinners, etc but you're happy to allow private communications between your partner and your playmates between meets, you've entirely misunderstood where the real risks are. There is little or nothing you could do on a brief meeting (even a debauched separate weekend away with each other's partner) that could pose as much risk to a swinging relationship than private conversations between meets. The few who've complained about this advice on this thread have actually affirmed it, saying it would promote polyamory (feelings of love) and, in your case , friendship (emotional ties)
The advice, then, is to chill out with all the rules and regulations about how or how not to play... they really don't make much difference... but to have strong rules about communicating. As our previous post showed, this needn't mean you don't do private communications between meets. It just means you need to be wary and careful when doing so and should make sure your partner has access to them, or is at least abreast of it all, and has the ability to pull the plug on it. If you think this is overkill read the forums for a while and you'll soon see the pattern...
Swingers who fall apart are swingers who talk apart "
If friendship is an emotional attachment then wouldn't want to swing without an emotional attachment...we don't need to see what us going on in one another's text its called trust and some of the ppl that mr k meets and talks to was around well b4 I was so how would it be right to suddenly start reading what they talk about?....i know its an advice section my advice was that ur biggest threat is each other as u cant be forced to cheat u have to be willing...if ur partner is gonna cheat its gonna happen wether its the cute girl/bloke at work they never mentioned, someone in the pub they pop into even one of ur mates or the person they are texting between meets but it wont be messages that caused it it would be the fact that they already wanted to or was already thinking about doing it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
If my partner trusted me so little that I had to set up special little skype accounts and let them read every bit of personal correspondence with people I might be fucking, then I'd dump my partner. We clearly would have nothing left worth saving by that point."
totally agree with you on that one |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We all hear about the stories, about one spouse leaving another spouse through swinging all the time. To a degree, these should serve as a timeley reminder that you never take anything for granted. We enjoy swinging because we know that it is for our mutual enjoyment, our joint pleasure. To have it any other way is just plain boring to be honest.
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By *ayla.aCouple
over a year ago
bracknell |
It all depends on the women, my playmate is a close personal friend of my husbands I have contact with him via messenger and Facebook we chat all the time, my husband knows he watches us play and regularly meets up with his friend for coffees and gym time, if the women is just looking for good sex then she needs to connect with the man so private chats and flirting has to happen to build a relationship, but and it has happened to a close personal friend she fell in love and had to stop playing and consentrate on her marriage so as I said it all depends on the women, my husband is a cuckold in the bedroom but a big dominant man in real life and enjoys everything I get up to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to do light swinging with my husband now my ex we meet girls we knew and he then left for one he fell for therefore destroying our lives as we knew it so ye play with fire swinging in any marriage in my experience anyway |
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I think don't do anything that you wouldn't like your partner doing. We have our own personal, I say rules, not really rules, just things we don't do because it is our version of what we want/don't want, and we have trust. If he is chatting to someone, that happens to be a woman, it gets to a point where he hands it over to me, if it is me talking to a guy I'll ask for the Mrs, we don't do dirty talk, apart from what we're into, mostly I'll talk to the woman, and not all the time, just every so often to keep the interest going (Mr is working away atm...back in a month Yay!) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Kind of agree, we used to freely give out private contact details.
Snapchat, whatsapp, kik etc.
It's kik or nothing now.
Not that anythings ever come close to even slightly coming between us, but some people don't understand when they're messaging too much. "
I had a ladies husband who kept messaging me without his girlfriends knowledge. She found out, saw the entire convo, could clearly see I wasn't the one causing issues and dumped her fella.
Some people just become greedy and want it all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Facebook the biggest culprit by far "
Site can be. Caught my ex cheating though Facebook. Evidence was right there in black and white but he still tried denying it!  . The fool lol. |
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By *oxesMan
over a year ago
Southend, Essex |
Time and time again I have seen couples stop swinging. And swinging freinds fall out over emotions or lack of emotions.
Many of my swinging freinds are the closest freinds I have. And I speak regually to them on Facebook. I don't think Facebook is the problem.
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By *oxesMan
over a year ago
Southend, Essex |
"Facebook the biggest culprit by far
Site can be. Caught my ex cheating though Facebook. Evidence was right there in black and white but he still tried denying it! . The fool lol."
I knew someone log onto.their couple account on another site and pretend to be the female of the couple to see if she was following their rules and to see what guys she was talking to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Surely the first principal of Swinging, the one that makes it safer for couples to fuck other people, is that it is NSA casual sex for physical gtatification only? This principal helps Swingers feel free to play without any risk of emotional involvement and relationship trauma.
Having said that the way some folks choose their NSA buddy looks just like they were choosing a partner for life.
Couple that with frequent meetings, 121 meets and socialising and they are literally playing with their own emotions.
It may seem very heady at the time but it does presents a big risk to their permanent relationships. |
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"Surely the first principal of Swinging, the one that makes it safer for couples to fuck other people, is that it is NSA casual sex for physical gtatification only? This principal helps Swingers feel free to play without any risk of emotional involvement and relationship trauma.
Having said that the way some folks choose their NSA buddy looks just like they were choosing a partner for life.
Couple that with frequent meetings, 121 meets and socialising and they are literally playing with their own emotions.
It may seem very heady at the time but it does presents a big risk to their permanent relationships. "
Exactly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Life is stranger than fiction...you couldn't make it up half the time. I lost a really great FB to someone she got 'loved-up' with...they're now a happy couple. She was the last person I expected that would happen with, but it did. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"the way in which people conduct their swinging life is up to them, there are no hard and fast rules, what suits some will not suit others
My post was not about rules it was about risks. Kissing, candlelit meals, etc pose little or no risk. Private communications pose a much higher risk. That's all. If private communications turn you on then you'll obviously want to do some of it but you should know you're playing with fire and that you should probably seek to limit it if possible. Maybe set up a Skype account specifically for that person and give your partner the password to it and the ability to delete it on a prearranged date. This might sound extreme but in our mind private communication is almost up there with condoms "
see id disagree a little... If my partner wanted romance with someone else then id be pretty pissed off.. and feel threatened but we dont meet seperately now anyway... but I do agree that chatting to someone privately is a no no. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What an interesting (if slightly hair-raising)thread!
Some great advice on here.
We are new, nervous and extremely careful to keep communications between us open and honest.
It will always remain so in our swinger life and our real life.
Except the "new and nervous" bit. |
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This is something you can't avoid , that's why it is important to be in a strong relationship before you start swinging. Most women don't just swing for the sexual aspect , most important to them are those things they are being told. Are we going to recommend trying to cage our partners because of fear , that will not work, my girlfriend gets messages all the time but that doesn't bother me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is something you can't avoid , that's why it is important to be in a strong relationship before you start swinging. Most women don't just swing for the sexual aspect , most important to them are those things they are being told. Are we going to recommend trying to cage our partners because of fear , that will not work, my girlfriend gets messages all the time but that doesn't bother me. "
why would anyone need to send messages other than to arrange things. Id be mighty pissed off if I found out women were messaging my partner privately
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Yeah interesting thread but if we look at it,if you are afraid of loosing your partner like this, is the fault not really with you? Ok I understand when it comes to guys that a hard dick has no feelings but guys don't want to be in a relationship with people they fuck, they just want to fuck and go, you cannot cage your partners it is not possible.
I notice people walking their pets, some of the pets have attachments while others are free , the free ones I feel are better because they really understand their owners.
In a nutshell what am saying is you have to pay attention to the people you are in a relationship with and also pay attention to yourself to make sure you are always improving for them , guys, invest in learning game so you keep the women sweet just by talking and being with them, that way you will be free from the claws of fear.
Plus most women don't really allow their guys to play but who knows what those guys are doing behind their backs lol |
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"This is something you can't avoid , that's why it is important to be in a strong relationship before you start swinging. Most women don't just swing for the sexual aspect , most important to them are those things they are being told. Are we going to recommend trying to cage our partners because of fear , that will not work, my girlfriend gets messages all the time but that doesn't bother me. why would anyone need to send messages other than to arrange things. Id be mighty pissed off if I found out women were messaging my partner privately "
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
People used to sneer at the way we played, just meeting up for sex and don't need to know the ins and outs of the person we were meeting....not having too many repeat meets, not having any contact between any repeat meets etc, but it worked well for us.
Having said that, we didn't play that way for being scared for running off with someone you played with, it was more this was a fantasy, we didn't need it to creep into real life too so we kept everything separate.
I think thats probably why we would never make proper swingers as we don't need the whole friends thing to go with it...but as people do become friends then there is the chance you take of it turning into something more. |
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Seems to be a strange discussion.
I've never considered swinging to be any more of a threat to our relationship than any other activity.
My partner has private conversations at work, during social activities, when out with friends, when on a night out, all over the place really.
I ask my partner about their day don't get me wrong, but it's general interest not an interrogation.
Maybe if you swing more regularly than us it becomes an issue, but between work, kids, spouse and social life, I don't really have time to consider additional relationships.
So maybe the biggest danger to couples is excessive spare time. |
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"People used to sneer at the way we played, just meeting up for sex and don't need to know the ins and outs of the person we were meeting....not having too many repeat meets, not having any contact between any repeat meets etc, but it worked well for us.
Having said that, we didn't play that way for being scared for running off with someone you played with, it was more this was a fantasy, we didn't need it to creep into real life too so we kept everything separate.
I think thats probably why we would never make proper swingers as we don't need the whole friends thing to go with it...but as people do become friends then there is the chance you take of it turning into something more."
After six years in the scene , this is exactly how we swing too . Always have , always will .
If that doesn't make us proper swingers then that's cool . We have no jealousy issues whatsoever , but see no need to form deep relationships with those we play with . The only contact we have is to arrange meets . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"why would anyone need to send messages other than to arrange things. Id be mighty pissed off if I found out women were messaging my partner privately "
To chat? Because you like each other? Because your partner is an enjoyable person to talk to and spend time with? I mean - you must think that your partner is, otherwise surely you wouldn't be with them? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"why would anyone need to send messages other than to arrange things. Id be mighty pissed off if I found out women were messaging my partner privately
To chat? Because you like each other? Because your partner is an enjoyable person to talk to and spend time with? I mean - you must think that your partner is, otherwise surely you wouldn't be with them?"
yes but other women meeting us for fun do not need to talk to him or guys me privately or for anything other than to sort out when and where.
I will stop a meet if we have a group chat and either the guy messages me privately or the girl my partner |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"the way in which people conduct their swinging life is up to them, there are no hard and fast rules, what suits some will not suit others, just like in every other thing in life, people will meet at work and many other places and fall in love and leave partners and children not just on swinging sites"
This |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Surely the underlying 'threat' of feelings developing will always be there if you continue to meet the same people, more so if only one half of the couple actually meets / runs the profile.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People used to sneer at the way we played, just meeting up for sex and don't need to know the ins and outs of the person we were meeting....not having too many repeat meets, not having any contact between any repeat meets etc, but it worked well for us.
Having said that, we didn't play that way for being scared for running off with someone you played with, it was more this was a fantasy, we didn't need it to creep into real life too so we kept everything separate.
I think thats probably why we would never make proper swingers as we don't need the whole friends thing to go with it...but as people do become friends then there is the chance you take of it turning into something more."
Your style of swinging makes a lot of sense to us. It's how we've done things at times too.
But the friendship aspect is appealing, and with repeat meets you get to maybe have better sex.
But we find that with becoming friends with swingers we lose interest in fucking them, or vice versa. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"why would anyone need to send messages other than to arrange things. Id be mighty pissed off if I found out women were messaging my partner privately
To chat? Because you like each other? Because your partner is an enjoyable person to talk to and spend time with? I mean - you must think that your partner is, otherwise surely you wouldn't be with them?
yes but other women meeting us for fun do not need to talk to him or guys me privately or for anything other than to sort out when and where.
I will stop a meet if we have a group chat and either the guy messages me privately or the girl my partner "
You think your partner would leave you just because he chatted socially to someone you had sex with? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have numbers etc from several people I've met on here. Some single, some not.
If they are part of a couple then the assumption I make in communications is that their partners have access to/are aware of the communications. It hasn't got out of hand so far.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You can't steal someone who doesn't want to be stolen. If they are happy and secure in their relationship there is no risk, if they are not then they may as well leave anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"why would anyone need to send messages other than to arrange things. Id be mighty pissed off if I found out women were messaging my partner privately
To chat? Because you like each other? Because your partner is an enjoyable person to talk to and spend time with? I mean - you must think that your partner is, otherwise surely you wouldn't be with them?
yes but other women meeting us for fun do not need to talk to him or guys me privately or for anything other than to sort out when and where.
I will stop a meet if we have a group chat and either the guy messages me privately or the girl my partner
You think your partner would leave you just because he chatted socially to someone you had sex with?"
no but we dont need to havr intimate chats privately and id count sex talk that I was not party to as cheating |
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You can't steal someone who doesn't want to be stolen. If they are happy and secure in their relationship there is no risk, if they are not then they may as well leave anyway.
Babe you got it right, I wish you were close me, I would have arranged to meet you cause you are my kind of girl.
If someone is so scared of losing their partners that the y result to caging them in such a way that people can't even chat to them, then they should just stay in the vanilla world |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Some people have got this thread topsy-turvy. The claim was never that swinging couples who engage in private chat between meets tend to split up. It was that swinging couples who split up tend to have engaged in private chat between meets.
Private chat simply carries a greater risk than almost all the other things swingers do (kissing, solo meets, etc). It doesn't necessarily always carry a big risk. But swinging couples are best advised to be somewhat cautious about it. That's all. Further more, people's caution over other things like kissing, solo meets, etc, is largely misplaced.
Personally, I find the idea that only couples where a partner is looking to cheat are vulnerable, to be recklessly naive, especially on a swinging site, and the flippant "easy come, easy go" way in which some singles say they'd freely let their fantasy soul mate leave them to be unrealistic |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't know if the fact that we never communicate in private conversations with meets is a factor in why see no danger or not . But ever since we started our journey some six years ago that's something we would never do . Way too much drama , and potential pitfalls . Swinging is supposed to be fun and that's all it's ever been for us ."
I'm the same, I chat and arrange via this site - no kik,no giving out of phone numbers or emai addresses.... |
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It is quite possible to find love more than once. Many people have. For someone to cheat is not a fault of swinging per se. There are cheats in all forms of life. But through swinging you risk more exposure to situations, feelings and attachment the may lead to cheating. Thus you increse the risk of someone falling in love with another person. Especially if the op had personal disatifaction or relationship disatifaction at the time. Being with someone else that they also really connect with and makes them feel good may lead to strong attachment and the grass is greener syndrome. I suppose the risk of being in a relationship where we are totally free to explore and enjoy others is that one day we may lose our partners heart too to someone else.
I suppose that's why many swinging couples have certain boundaries and not totally free to guard against this risk.
We are not possessions but we should act in a way we can sleep at night. Obviously a lot of that depends on your moral compass. And the grass is not always greener. But we are all individuals and we make our chooses and have to live with the consequences. But we should remember that others are affected by the actions we take. Like in this instance the kids. |
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"It is quite possible to find love more than once. Many people have. For someone to cheat is not a fault of swinging per se. There are cheats in all forms of life. But through swinging you risk more exposure to situations, feelings and attachment the may lead to cheating. Thus you increse the risk of someone falling in love with another person. Especially if the op had personal disatifaction or relationship disatifaction at the time. Being with someone else that they also really connect with and makes them feel good may lead to strong attachment and the grass is greener syndrome. I suppose the risk of being in a relationship where we are totally free to explore and enjoy others is that one day we may lose our partners heart too to someone else.
I suppose that's why many swinging couples have certain boundaries and not totally free to guard against this risk.
We are not possessions but we should act in a way we can sleep at night. Obviously a lot of that depends on your moral compass. And the grass is not always greener. But we are all individuals and we make our chooses and have to live with the consequences. But we should remember that others are affected by the actions we take. Like in this instance the kids. "
Great post |
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By *imonP23Man
over a year ago
Shepton Mallet |
It's a tricky one this, as on another thread there were some vociferous complaints from women not wanting to be "free prostitutes", and apparently this is due to feeling a lack of social interaction, so clearly some socialising is required. But how much, and where should the boundaries be drawn?
Maybe, once a meet has taken place, any further social interaction should be limited to setting up the next meet? Plenty of time to chat then, but meanwhile try to keep it compartmentalised by minimal chatting between meets?
Again, only a general rule, it won't be a problem for everyone.
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I don't know why private messages , swinging etc worries chics so much, if you are this worried, it means you know you have been horrible to this man, not respected him, treated him very badly, made him so unhappy with you that he has to leave you for someone else and he should if that's the case. If a woman does this to you as a guy it's your fault, most guys don't realise their lives would improve and when it does they suddenly realise I don't need this type of woman.
When it comes to guys, I know guys and I have friends who have been swinging for long, guys just want to fuck and go, they don't want any relationship with the people they swing with, plus they would never leave their partners for anybody they swing with, if a guy leaves you, it is not because of swinging or private messages, it is because you have made him so sad with your behavior that he had to leave. This is my opinion on this issue. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You can't steal someone who doesn't want to be stolen. If they are happy and secure in their relationship there is no risk, if they are not then they may as well leave anyway."
This |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"People used to sneer at the way we played, just meeting up for sex and don't need to know the ins and outs of the person we were meeting....not having too many repeat meets, not having any contact between any repeat meets etc, but it worked well for us.
Having said that, we didn't play that way for being scared for running off with someone you played with, it was more this was a fantasy, we didn't need it to creep into real life too so we kept everything separate.
I think thats probably why we would never make proper swingers as we don't need the whole friends thing to go with it...but as people do become friends then there is the chance you take of it turning into something more.
Your style of swinging makes a lot of sense to us. It's how we've done things at times too.
But the friendship aspect is appealing, and with repeat meets you get to maybe have better sex.
But we find that with becoming friends with swingers we lose interest in fucking them, or vice versa. "
I am the same, once I know too much about the person I don't want to meet for sex. If they start telling me their ailments and how the washing machine broke last week it is an even bigger turn off for me.
I get what you are saying about the sex may become better with repeat meets, but I got bored after the third meet with the same man so I think I must like the excitement of the not knowing what I am about to get the most, so we stuck to one offs after that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fab swing fun is exactly that...the very moment it becomes more you need the strength to walk away unless both parties are single. ...
I used to see a mf couple and the hubby got to the point where he wanted me to see his wife alone and he would watch via video but then she was asking to meet me alone and in secret. .. not going to happen I met them as a couple I made my excuses and never saw them aging a few years later I saw the hubby with his new partner his wife strayed and left..bit sad |
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"Fab swing fun is exactly that...the very moment it becomes more you need the strength to walk away unless both parties are single. ...
I used to see a mf couple and the hubby got to the point where he wanted me to see his wife alone and he would watch via video but then she was asking to meet me alone and in secret. .. not going to happen I met them as a couple I made my excuses and never saw them aging a few years later I saw the hubby with his new partner his wife strayed and left..bit sad "
We've seen this happen so many times in the six years we have been swinging . It starts off where the couple meet the guy or woman , all good . Then one or the other starts private messaging the meet , they get to know each other better , and ineveitably meet without the husband or wife knowing . It's the risk , the thrill , the grass always greener etc.... and it always ends in tears .
It really isn't worth it in my opinion .
And as for the crap posted about stopping your partner from doing this or that .... I have no words . We don't stop each other from doing anything , in this our swinging life or in the real world . A relationship is something which develops over time and if it's worth anything , the two parties grow together rather than apart .
If either of us wanted to start covertly sexting previous meets , or anyone else for that matter , we would . If we wanted to cheat on each other , we would . Thankfully we don't , and we are still growing together , learning more about each other every day . We don't have the time , the inclination nor the desire to entertain others entering our little bubble . It's a nice place to be for us  |
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"People used to sneer at the way we played, just meeting up for sex and don't need to know the ins and outs of the person we were meeting....not having too many repeat meets, not having any contact between any repeat meets etc, but it worked well for us.
Having said that, we didn't play that way for being scared for running off with someone you played with, it was more this was a fantasy, we didn't need it to creep into real life too so we kept everything separate.
I think thats probably why we would never make proper swingers as we don't need the whole friends thing to go with it...but as people do become friends then there is the chance you take of it turning into something more.
Your style of swinging makes a lot of sense to us. It's how we've done things at times too.
But the friendship aspect is appealing, and with repeat meets you get to maybe have better sex.
But we find that with becoming friends with swingers we lose interest in fucking them, or vice versa.
I am the same, once I know too much about the person I don't want to meet for sex. If they start telling me their ailments and how the washing machine broke last week it is an even bigger turn off for me.
I get what you are saying about the sex may become better with repeat meets, but I got bored after the third meet with the same man so I think I must like the excitement of the not knowing what I am about to get the most, so we stuck to one offs after that "
This is a common psychological phenomenon. Some people find mysterious people more attractive. The more you know about someone then the less mysterious they become. |
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If my partner trusted me so little that I had to set up special little skype accounts and let them read every bit of personal correspondence with people I might be fucking, then I'd dump my partner. We clearly would have nothing left worth saving by that point.
totally agree with you on that one "
couldn't have said it better |
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By *D835Man
over a year ago
London |
"the way in which people conduct their swinging life is up to them, there are no hard and fast rules, what suits some will not suit others, just like in every other thing in life, people will meet at work and many other places and fall in love and leave partners and children not just on swinging sites"
This |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't know why private messages , swinging etc worries chics so much, if you are this worried, it means you know you have been horrible to this man, not respected him, treated him very badly, made him so unhappy with you that he has to leave you for someone else and he should if that's the case. If a woman does this to you as a guy it's your fault, most guys don't realise their lives would improve and when it does they suddenly realise I don't need this type of woman.
When it comes to guys, I know guys and I have friends who have been swinging for long, guys just want to fuck and go, they don't want any relationship with the people they swing with, plus they would never leave their partners for anybody they swing with, if a guy leaves you, it is not because of swinging or private messages, it is because you have made him so sad with your behavior that he had to leave. This is my opinion on this issue."
Or, it could be that the man has insecurity problems, is narcissistic and a cheat and liar, and nothing you do will get him to trust you. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If my partner trusted me so little that I had to set up special little skype accounts and let them read every bit of personal correspondence with people I might be fucking, then I'd dump my partner. We clearly would have nothing left worth saving by that point.
totally agree with you on that one
couldn't have said it better "
If my partner was set against the simple and easy idea of us each setting up Skype accounts for private communications and sharing the password with each other and insisted instead that their private communications with new sexual partners be kept from me... I'd have good reason to be suspicious. Our relationship would clearly already have major problems |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yeah interesting thread but if we look at it,if you are afraid of loosing your partner like this, is the fault not really with you? Ok I understand when it comes to (some) guys that a hard dick has no feelings but guys don't want to be in a relationship, they just want to fuck and go, you cannot cage your partners it is not possible.
I notice people walking their pets, some of the pets have attachments while others are free , the free ones I feel are better because they really understand their owners.
In a nutshell what am saying is you have to pay attention to the people you are in a relationship with and also pay attention to yourself to make sure you are always improving for them. Guys, invest in learning game so you keep the women sweet just by talking and being with them, that way you will be free from the claws of fear.
"
Liking your theory
Her x |
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