FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > honesty or not?
honesty or not?
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I am married and i don't know whether being up front about the fact that i am looking to cheat is a good idea or not.
It's not helping as far as i'm aware and ironically, don't want to be dishonest.
However if it helps me get laid then I'd consider it. |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
Yes tell people, then they can make an informed choice to meet you or not.
Your choice what you do on here.
What I will say is... Mighty brave having face pics on show.. I will put money on someone recognising you and causing mischief....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am married and i don't know whether being up front about the fact that i am looking to cheat is a good idea or not.
It's not helping as far as i'm aware and ironically, don't want to be dishonest.
However if it helps me get laid then I'd consider it."
lots of people dont like the idea of cheating on someones wife with them, so to lie would be disrespectful of their wishes and rules
however......
you obviously have no respect for your wife so why would you care about peoples wishes on here?
so yeah go for it lol
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"I am married and i don't know whether being up front about the fact that i am looking to cheat is a good idea or not.
It's not helping as far as i'm aware and ironically, don't want to be dishonest.
However if it helps me get laid then I'd consider it."
Ok , i will get attacked for being a bitch...again, you are dishonest,by all means fool yourself by putting up whatever profile you want,but the fact is you think lying to the person you have made a commitment too is fine so long as you "get laid".
If you had any decency you would visit a sex worker,rather than pretending on here you cared about the truth. |
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i don't beleive i asked for a judgement on what i'm doing....
"I am married and i don't know whether being up front about the fact that i am looking to cheat is a good idea or not.
It's not helping as far as i'm aware and ironically, don't want to be dishonest.
However if it helps me get laid then I'd consider it.
lots of people dont like the idea of cheating on someones wife with them, so to lie would be disrespectful of their wishes and rules
however......
you obviously have no respect for your wife so why would you care about peoples wishes on here?
so yeah go for it lol
"
|
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"i don't beleive i asked for a judgement on what i'm doing....
I am married and i don't know whether being up front about the fact that i am looking to cheat is a good idea or not.
It's not helping as far as i'm aware and ironically, don't want to be dishonest.
However if it helps me get laid then I'd consider it.
lots of people dont like the idea of cheating on someones wife with them, so to lie would be disrespectful of their wishes and rules
however......
you obviously have no respect for your wife so why would you care about peoples wishes on here?
so yeah go for it lol
"
welcome to the interweb...what do you want,ppl to say it is ok to cheat? There are pleanty of sites where married ppl can meet each other,post the same question on there,i am sure you will get the nice replies you wanted.
God i think i might be a swinger,cos if it means anything,it means honesty  |
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"no i get that people don't approve but do they think that by telling me how bad it is that i'll stop? i know when i will and it is soon."
No, if u stop or not is up to u,but u asked about honesty and ppl gave their opinions.Thats how forums work. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok , i will get attacked for being a bitch...again, you are dishonest,by all means fool yourself by putting up whatever profile you want,but the fact is you think lying to the person you have made a commitment too is fine so long as you "get laid".
If you had any decency you would visit a sex worker,rather than pretending on here you cared about the truth."
Totally agree with Jemima!
However, you should include your 'married and cheating' status in your profile, so then you're only lying to two people (your wife by trying to cheat on her, and yourself by trying to pretend that you're being honest) and the rest of us can pass you by. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It amazes me how many married people say they want to be honest to a stranger on a swinging site but not to their own spouse, honesty is only the best policy if presented to the people your being dishonest to.
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By *exybabyMan
over a year ago
Canterbury....ish |
It is typical that all the judgemental comments always seem to cast aspersions against people. You cannot do right for doing wrong...it really is a 'catch 22' situation. What does seem rather bias, however, is that it is seemingly ok for a married woman to be seeking 'extras' yet strictly taboo for a married man to be doing the same. We are all on here, for our own reasons, and are not really in a situation to be castigating. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ok here's my opinion for what it's worth.
You are only 25 so I am making a presumption you haven't been married long at that your wife is young - give her a chance before you break her heart (and yes I am married and playing alone but there are reasons for this)
You want a fuck buddy - hate this term - you just really want easy sex for free
If you came onto me in a pub I would ignore you so don't expect mails to be replied to - they are unsolicitored land fill (if it was paper not email)
Your profile is arrogant and defensive
Tone it down and you might have more luck - but try to save your marriage before you ruin it
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By *LBishCouple
over a year ago
near bury st edmunds |
"no i get that people don't approve but do they think that by telling me how bad it is that i'll stop? i know when i will and it is soon."
few words hopefully this saying really happens, What goes around comes around,
You didnt do your favours by saying you would lie about your marital status JUST to get Layed. Cheep |
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By *ibrosMan
over a year ago
harrow |
Don't know where to start on this one.
Being on here without your partners permission or knowledge is cheating. I agree with Jemima that being a swinger means being honest. However, there are many swingers who are not completely honest with their partners about what they may do here.
I have to admire those couples who are completely honest with their partners, but suspect you may be in the minority. There are many reasons to cheat and lie. Sometimes the consequences of not doing so may be greater.
Sex isn't the worst way to cheat.
Lying about money is considered my most to be a bigger problem. How many can say they are completely honest with their partners about the finances?
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
"Yes tell people, then they can make an informed choice to meet you or not.
Your choice what you do on here.
What I will say is... Mighty brave having face pics on show.. I will put money on someone recognising you and causing mischief....
"
Couldn't have said it better myself so not going to try 
You must already taken your face pics down as I can't see any.... |
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"It is typical that all the judgemental comments always seem to cast aspersions against people. You cannot do right for doing wrong...it really is a 'catch 22' situation. What does seem rather bias, however, is that it is seemingly ok for a married woman to be seeking 'extras' yet strictly taboo for a married man to be doing the same. We are all on here, for our own reasons, and are not really in a situation to be castigating."
i don't know where you get the idea the answers would be different to a married woman playing behind her husbands back on.
We may all be here for different reasons,but for some of us those reasons will never include lying to our spouse.
Before you say you don't know, i do, as i have mentioned before i meet my Master totally separate to kev,who has no interest in BDSM.When i began my journey there were several people interested in meeting me behind kevs back.i could never do that,so have a completely honest relationship.
Two of them in fact,both very different,but both better for the fact no one is being lied too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP Your attitude is perhaps not the best.. but I would say always be honest because there are people that actually prefer married men..
Katie with her Masters consent. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally, it's not my place to dictate how people conduct their lives, however, I choose not to play wit married men. It's not difficult to recognise them, so avoiding them is easy if you really want to.
What I will say OP, I think the reason you're not having much luck is your profile: it sucks frankly, and the term "fuck buddy" is off putting.
There are people who won't care about your marital status, but your age and certainly your attitude may be a deciding factor. |
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By *i_sSwingWoman
over a year ago
Any place 4 the right Person |
Mate if I were you I wouldn't worry about being judged by a bunch of swingers
Place your profile update and omit your married, if someone asks then tell them the truth.
As long as your clear on your boundaries 'not looking for a relationship, on the site for fun and possibly friendship' you get my drift people can't be upset for you having a life off this site.
I have no problem with married men or men with partners, i'm into safe fun and making informed choices. If your married then being given the choice to walk away is an expectation if I ask the question. You choose to lie or not, you don't have to go into what you do with the family and frankly it's no bodies business provided you make your boundaries clear.
Mi x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mate if I were you I wouldn't worry about being judged by a bunch of swingers
Place your profile update and omit your married, if someone asks then tell them the truth.
As long as your clear on your boundaries 'not looking for a relationship, on the site for fun and possibly friendship' you get my drift people can't be upset for you having a life off this site.
I have no problem with married men or men with partners, i'm into safe fun and making informed choices. If your married then being given the choice to walk away is an expectation if I ask the question. You choose to lie or not, you don't have to go into what you do with the family and frankly it's no bodies business provided you make your boundaries clear.
Mi x"
I agree. You do what you want and when you want.
Other people can also make their own choices.
Loads of people lie and they haven't ever been married. That is life for some.
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We all know that life is complicated. Im not here to judge or be judged so Im going to keep it practical. Firstly, if things arent right at home swinging is not a long term plan for fixing anything or even medicating it. If you think you are prepared to swing for the rest of your life rather than work on what you have.... you will probably eventually get found out - most do - eventually. So be prepared for that! Secrets eat away at a relationship. Women have a radar. From a swingers point of _iew.... some wont be bothered if you are attached some will. If you lie to swingers they will probably suss you out too... we get a nose for these things. When this happens even the ones who wouldnt have minded had you been honest will drop you like a stone for your dishonesty.
Purely my point of _iew of course... but its the only one I have. lol.
Mistress x |
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By *evilwolfCouple
over a year ago
Leicestershire |
Honesty is always the best policy. Being dishonest will not get anyone too far as the truth will always find you out!
The other thing is that certain statements once divulged are not forgotten in this environment. One is admitting to AwayPlay® The other is the straight/bi male (selective bi-ness)dilemma
We would never play with a single who was playing away undisclosed, we dont consider them just, or safe. If we did we would want an exhaustive set of qualifying reasons why that person had a right to seek sex elsewhere, as without such justification would never in a month of leapdays have to do it ourselves.
Devil & Wolf
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am married and i don't know whether being up front about the fact that i am looking to cheat is a good idea or not.
It's not helping as far as i'm aware and ironically, don't want to be dishonest.
However if it helps me get laid then I'd consider it.
lots of people dont like the idea of cheating on someones wife with them, so to lie would be disrespectful of their wishes and rules
however......
you obviously have no respect for your wife so why would you care about peoples wishes on here?
so yeah go for it lol
"
i just spat my coffee allover the keyboard thanks for that LOL x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am married and i don't know whether being up front about the fact that i am looking to cheat is a good idea or not.
It's not helping as far as i'm aware and ironically, don't want to be dishonest.
However if it helps me get laid then I'd consider it."
fkin 'ell fella - ur either brave or naive !
being explicit about your position within the confines of your profile is 1 thing, asking people to comment on it's validity is a whole different box of frogs !
i don't think that anyone would have judged your profile had you not publically asked for the validation.
as for my personal _iew. i think you are right to note your marriage.
the question remains however,
a ) did you make the statement because you want to be honest with the people on here ? or
b) you think that by making the statement it will keep potential meets 'quiet' and thus protect the prospect of anything get back to your wife ?
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"We all know that life is complicated. Im not here to judge or be judged so Im going to keep it practical. Firstly, if things arent right at home swinging is not a long term plan for fixing anything or even medicating it. If you think you are prepared to swing for the rest of your life rather than work on what you have.... you will probably eventually get found out - most do - eventually. So be prepared for that! Secrets eat away at a relationship. Women have a radar. From a swingers point of _iew.... some wont be bothered if you are attached some will. If you lie to swingers they will probably suss you out too... we get a nose for these things. When this happens even the ones who wouldnt have minded had you been honest will drop you like a stone for your dishonesty.
Purely my point of _iew of course... but its the only one I have. lol.
Mistress x"
+1 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"fkin 'ell fella - ur either brave or naive !
being explicit about your position within the confines of your profile is 1 thing, asking people to comment on it's validity is a whole different box of frogs !
i don't think that anyone would have judged your profile had you not publically asked for the validation.
as for my personal _iew. i think you are right to note your marriage.
the question remains however,
a ) did you make the statement because you want to be honest with the people on here ? or
b) you think that by making the statement it will keep potential meets 'quiet' and thus protect the prospect of anything get back to your wife ?
"
I agree with some of this: what people put on their profile really is their business: if you don't like it you're not being forced to read further.
What I do find irksome is the OP does appear to be asking for validation. We're not married to him, he's not asking for marriage guidance but as night follows day people will comment.
I never had a probem spotting the married men: it's easy to give them a wide berth if you really want to. |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
As I said above... if marrieds want to play, it is up to them.
just spare people the 'wow, is me' or make out you are the aggrieved and hurl the blame on your partners failure to deliver. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As I said above... if marrieds want to play, it is up to them.
just spare people the 'wow, is me' or make out you are the aggrieved and hurl the blame on your partners failure to deliver. "
*Nods in agreement* |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mate if I were you I wouldn't worry about being judged by a bunch of swingers
Place your profile update and omit your married, if someone asks then tell them the truth.
As long as your clear on your boundaries 'not looking for a relationship, on the site for fun and possibly friendship' you get my drift people can't be upset for you having a life off this site.
I have no problem with married men or men with partners, i'm into safe fun and making informed choices. If your married then being given the choice to walk away is an expectation if I ask the question. You choose to lie or not, you don't have to go into what you do with the family and frankly it's no bodies business provided you make your boundaries clear.
Mi x"
i completely agree with this post by mi. at the end of the day, the op knows what he is doing and has already decided that meaningless sex is far more important than his relationship with the person he made his vows with, but it's unfair to be judgemental. everyone has their reasons and unfortunately, cheating seems to be far more common than it should. soooo many people tread the moral high ground but have many skeletons in their closets themselves!
to the op....as mi said, you should put that you are single on your profile but when speaking to others, let them know you are married. you may find a connection with someone in a message before they judge you by your choices. therefore they might look past this factor.
although, having experienced this situation at first hand from both sides in the past, sex is just sex mate and won't bring you any long term satisfaction. i would personally make a big effort and try to find that spark with your partner again. suggest new things, wine and dine her as well as spoil her rotten in and out the bedroom.....you may find that any lack of sex could be due to self esteem issues or depression. make her feel special and she might in return do the same. you could just end up feeling emptier after looking for a quick fix!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You may be suprised how many people will realise you are married, whether you declare it or not. If you can't accommodate, can only meet at certain times etc..swingers can be quite astute.
I state on my profile that I do not want meets with men who are cheating on their partners, it is important to know, then people can make their own choice whether to meet you or not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You may be suprised how many people will realise you are married, whether you declare it or not. If you can't accommodate, can only meet at certain times etc..swingers can be quite astute.
I state on my profile that I do not want meets with men who are cheating on their partners, it is important to know, then people can make their own choice whether to meet you or not."
hey....i can't accommodate as i live with my grandad since splitting with my partner and starting my teaching degree...i don't have hardly any time in my weekly schedule to meet as i do a full time degree, work in a school 30 hours a week and look after my 2 children whilst their mum works in the evenings....does that mean that people think i'm married when i need lotsa planning for meeting? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I state on my profile that I do not want meets with men who are cheating on their partners, it is important to know, then people can make their own choice whether to meet you or not.
hey....i can't accommodate as i live with my grandad since splitting with my partner and starting my teaching degree...i don't have hardly any time in my weekly schedule to meet as i do a full time degree, work in a school 30 hours a week and look after my 2 children whilst their mum works in the evenings....does that mean that people think i'm married when i need lotsa planning for meeting? "
Yes it will mean that everyone will KNOW you are married and a liar. As a single man you should drop everything.
Nah, it is like everything else. People will chat to you and get an understanding of if they want to meet you (and vica versa) your marital (or not) situation may or may not be relevant.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I state on my profile that I do not want meets with men who are cheating on their partners, it is important to know, then people can make their own choice whether to meet you or not.
hey....i can't accommodate as i live with my grandad since splitting with my partner and starting my teaching degree...i don't have hardly any time in my weekly schedule to meet as i do a full time degree, work in a school 30 hours a week and look after my 2 children whilst their mum works in the evenings....does that mean that people think i'm married when i need lotsa planning for meeting?
Yes it will mean that everyone will KNOW you are married and a liar. As a single man you should drop everything.
Nah, it is like everything else. People will chat to you and get an understanding of if they want to meet you (and vica versa) your marital (or not) situation may or may not be relevant.
"
lol, busted! most of the people i have spoken to have been very understanding with my situation. i've just been lucky i think. but i do find that many people on this site do try pigeon holing men. i suppose just like we try pigeon holing women and couples also. as far as i'm concerned, i just think everyone deserves a chance regardless of their circumstance etc etc. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I state on my profile that I do not want meets with men who are cheating on their partners, it is important to know, then people can make their own choice whether to meet you or not.
hey....i can't accommodate as i live with my grandad since splitting with my partner and starting my teaching degree...i don't have hardly any time in my weekly schedule to meet as i do a full time degree, work in a school 30 hours a week and look after my 2 children whilst their mum works in the evenings....does that mean that people think i'm married when i need lotsa planning for meeting?
Yes it will mean that everyone will KNOW you are married and a liar. As a single man you should drop everything.
Nah, it is like everything else. People will chat to you and get an understanding of if they want to meet you (and vica versa) your marital (or not) situation may or may not be relevant.
lol, busted! most of the people i have spoken to have been very understanding with my situation. i've just been lucky i think. but i do find that many people on this site do try pigeon holing men. i suppose just like we try pigeon holing women and couples also. as far as i'm concerned, i just think everyone deserves a chance regardless of their circumstance etc etc. x"
See now I admit to being a terrible cynic, BUT.......in your post you say you have started a teaching degree which means the statement you make "i don't have hardly any time in my weekly schedule" which is terrible grammar, AND you don't use upper case letters, sounds "off" to say the least. It makes me doubt the teaching degree which throws doubt on everything else.
Understand, I AM NOT SAYING THAT YOU ARE LYING, what I'm saying is that those points make me personally suspect that you could be and are trying to cover being married. Now in my case, I couldn't care less, but another swinger who does not want married men may be suspicious!
See what I mean? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i completely understand lol but as i'm not doing an academic assignment on the every child matters agenda and how it links with strands on the curriculum to support a child's well being.....i don't exactly feel i have to spend those extra few seconds bothering to correct poor grammar. believe it or not, teachers are human also! but like i said....that was a good point that many would not have picked up on lol (woops, i meant laugh out loud)haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I state on my profile that I do not want meets with men who are cheating on their partners, it is important to know, then people can make their own choice whether to meet you or not.
hey....i can't accommodate as i live with my grandad since splitting with my partner and starting my teaching degree...i don't have hardly any time in my weekly schedule to meet as i do a full time degree, work in a school 30 hours a week and look after my 2 children whilst their mum works in the evenings....does that mean that people think i'm married when i need lotsa planning for meeting?
Yes it will mean that everyone will KNOW you are married and a liar. As a single man you should drop everything.
Nah, it is like everything else. People will chat to you and get an understanding of if they want to meet you (and vica versa) your marital (or not) situation may or may not be relevant.
lol, busted! most of the people i have spoken to have been very understanding with my situation. i've just been lucky i think. but i do find that many people on this site do try pigeon holing men. i suppose just like we try pigeon holing women and couples also. as far as i'm concerned, i just think everyone deserves a chance regardless of their circumstance etc etc. x"
Except cheaters  afterall if one is looking for a single guy, they are no one, so I wouldn't chat or meet them, no point
As to your circumstances, those of us with children of our own, understand as there are times when I cannot meet, they come first |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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ok this is my opinion, if its truly a site where NSA means no strings attached then sure hide the fact your married, your private life is your own
you want sex, the person your hoping to get it from wants sex.. no problems :D |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To me swinging is about truth and honesty between people
People will in my experience be more relived to read an honest profile
(IE I'm married
I'm bisexual
I have we id and wonderful fetishes etc)
Than ta arrange a meet and find out (cause the truth outs) when ya actually meet
Yes statements like that may well lead to fewer meets but i can bet ya they will be more relaxed ones xx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Right sorry gonna open a can of worms here but "swinging and honesty"!!!!! i will tell you now there are a hell of a lot of swinging couples on here and they are cheating and lying to each other, I have had men from couples ask to meet me alone and not tell the wife (which i have declined btw) and i know men have had the same from the wives, wives slipping them their mobile numbers when they meet as a couple etc and i know a few guys on here who have secret "single " profiles that their swinging wives/partners know nothing about .........sorry to the op but all this we are swingers therefore we are honest crap really made my blood boil!! |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"Right sorry gonna open a can of worms here but "swinging and honesty"!!!!! i will tell you now there are a hell of a lot of swinging couples on here and they are cheating and lying to each other, I have had men from couples ask to meet me alone and not tell the wife (which i have declined btw) and i know men have had the same from the wives, wives slipping them their mobile numbers when they meet as a couple etc and i know a few guys on here who have secret "single " profiles that their swinging wives/partners know nothing about .........sorry to the op but all this we are swingers therefore we are honest crap really made my blood boil!!"
can't disagree with any of that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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we once had a message from a man who wanted us to help him get his wife into swinging!!!
We dont meet married men cause its difficult to arrange a meet as they usually only want to meet daytimes.
If men are married - we'd prefer not to know
lol
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"ok this is my opinion, if its truly a site where NSA means no strings attached then sure hide the fact your married, your private life is your own
you want sex, the person your hoping to get it from wants sex.. no problems :D"
No problems?
What about the complications that can (and have in some cases) arise when the partner that is getting cheated on finds out?
We'd hate to have any involvement in their partners getting hurt  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"ok this is my opinion, if its truly a site where NSA means no strings attached then sure hide the fact your married, your private life is your own
you want sex, the person your hoping to get it from wants sex.. no problems :D"
Until the wife finds out while going through his phone/account and contacts you or turns up at your home or place of work demanding to know what you're doing with her husband. It happens. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Attached men who hide it give signals without realising it. So sooner or later you realise what's going on.
I choose not to play with married etc men because I've had it done to me and know how it feels. I wouldn't knowingly contribute to someone feeling that way.
Therefore if you lied to me, WHEN I found out, I'd be extremely pissed off with you and that would be the end to us meeting.
There are plenty who don't mind or even prefer married men because they feel there are less complications. So for me, honesty would be the best policy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i don't beleive i asked for a judgement on what i'm doing....
I am married and i don't know whether being up front about the fact that i am looking to cheat is a good idea or not.
It's not helping as far as i'm aware and ironically, don't want to be dishonest.
However if it helps me get laid then I'd consider it.
lots of people dont like the idea of cheating on someones wife with them, so to lie would be disrespectful of their wishes and rules
however......
you obviously have no respect for your wife so why would you care about peoples wishes on here?
so yeah go for it lol
"
you asked a question and thats my reply
i dont understand why you care about what people on here think when you dont care about your wife
you happily lie to her so why ask if its ok to lie to us?
its not a judgement its just my reply to your question |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Look at it this way......You want to commit adultery.......don't mince words, that is EXACTLY what it is. You are only concerned about the fact that saying you are married increases or decreases your chances of "getting laid".
1. Some people will not care less (us for instance), taking the _iew that what you do is your business. Obviously you don't want your wife to find out, so you must be concerned at the life changes that would cause.....BUT THAT IS NOT OUR PROBLEM, YOU MAKE YOUR OWN CHOICES!
2. Some people will activly avoid you if they know you are married. It should be noted however that in this country, under cirtain circumstances, should it be proven that you deliberately lied in order to gain sexual favours, then you could be charged with rape!
3. Some will activly seek you because you are married as you are likely to be less "risk"
Why on earth you expect the members on here to either condem or condone your actions is beyond us! It is entirely your choice. Your main concern is getting laid and you come across as caring very little about honesty or people as long as you get what you want! Your entire post, boils down to you asking how to increase your chances as you don't feel you are getting enough........It's all a bit me, me, me, really, isn't it! |
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To the OP:
Honesty always! If your uncomfortable about something then it's either wrong what your doing or you feel guilty for being dishonest
To be fair most people lie about something's & on here reckon it's usually about being in a relationship. Your choice - do what you feel is right & best for you, stand by your decision though |
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