FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > The demise of decent swinging?
The demise of decent swinging?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have been involved in the swinging scene for over 13 years, originally with my wife, now ex. We used to meet once or twice a month and even then we got let down by single guys and some couples.
It used to be an occasional idiot or pushy guy who might just stare at your wifes tits until reminded. Now through this site, dating sites and other sex sites it is apparent that the majority of Men are predators who insist on directing action and getting their own way.
As a bi guy I used to be happy to meet single men, no more. Most disappoint with their attitudes and lack of social ineptitude. I will only meet TV/TS/Ladies. Sadly most single women and many couples are put off from talking to single guys because the majority behave like complete dickheads. I now frequently read this about clubs too.
Is this the end of swinging for single guys and women? I for one lack the motivation after posting hundreds of polite messages and attending socials to be rebuffed and miss out due to overpowering, aggressive males. I now get out more socially but the same preconceptions exist. We do not all want a quickie fuck, many of us want to make sexy friends not score notches on bedposts.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No it's not.why should it be?
Those guys you talk of only make it easier for the more respectful,non pushy guy.
Couples like ourselves are interested in the individual |
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Stop! Take some time out!
Maybe it is time to take responsibility for your own actions, instead of blaming everybody else.
When was the last time you took a long hard constructive look at your profile, for instance?
Could it be improved with better pictures, and a refresh of the text?
The only person you are in charge of is yourself.
So take a deep breath, get a grip, and if you are unhappy with your results, then do something positive to improve your chances.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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From a personal point of view, I think saying the majority of single men behave as dickheads is extremely harsh and unfair.
Of course there will be some that do, just as you'll get single ladies and couples behaving as dickheads too, but I would have to say the majority that have messaged me or who I've met at a club have been lovely. |
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It's not just single men & women that are struggling. We've been doing this for years, and there has been a noticeable decline over just the last 12 months. Unfortunately sites like fab are everywhere now, and full of timewasters/arseholes/cheaters/liars etc... Need we go on?
Clubs seem to be a much better bet these days, but even in them we've encountered the same list above...
There are a lot of people who, for whatever reason, just come in here to feel good about themselves or get their rocks off, without ever actually wanting to meet. Swinging is all about meeting, so to us those sorts aren't true swingers.
/rantover |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
Of course swinging has changed. The internet has had an enormous effect on it, making it more accessible to everyone. Access to profiles is now free, and we don't have to wait two weeks for a reply by post.
I think we have to change our attitudes to get along. As for clubs, my first swinging experience was at a club in Bromsgrove, 20 years ago. They have been around for quite a while. |
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"
Is this the end of swinging for single guys and women? I for one lack the motivation after posting hundreds of polite messages and attending socials to be rebuffed and miss out due to overpowering, aggressive males. I now get out more socially but the same preconceptions exist. We do not all want a quickie fuck, many of us want to make sexy friends not score notches on bedposts. "
Yes some of us do want to make friends but I think it's a mistake to blame overpowering, aggressive males. We find it more difficult to meet people of similar mind to us for a couple of reasons, our age and the simple fact that very few people (despite saying the opposite) really do want more than a one off shag.
All the single men we've met have been respectful of boundaries and not aggressive at all the only guy who wasn't was part of a couple. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We do only tend to meet single guys at clubs but on the whole find them fine. The bad ones dont ruin it. We do block singles every so often but normally because we are feeling its unfair as we only really meet in clubs to have them listed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have mainly met single guys and have all been respectful and none pushy some have been swinging for a few years and some it's been their first experience.
We would only met up with someone if they are polite, have a sense of humour and if aggressive and pushy would not even talk to them.
Get out to more clubs and socials. It always going to be hard on Fab due to the number of men to women.
S x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree OP. It's changed and not in a good way. The majority of men that contact me are inept cavemen. It's put me off and other women and couples I know. Trying to pretend there's only a few dickheads is utter bollocks. Head in the sand some people....
Yes there are some good people but who has the time to wade through hundreds of crap ones to find one good one? I'd rather have a wank. |
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We have found the majority on here think a first message of
"Hi"
"Fancy a fuck"
Or talk in text speak think that will make boo go all gooey for them.....WRONG!
End of the day we only talk to those who actually show signs of being able to read, write and give decent responses to a conversation.
Yes there are time wasters and idiots on here but you get them everywhere
Cant take it personally |
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"I have been involved in the swinging scene for over 13 years, originally with my wife, now ex. We used to meet once or twice a month and even then we got let down by single guys and some couples.
It used to be an occasional idiot or pushy guy who might just stare at your wifes tits until reminded. Now through this site, dating sites and other sex sites it is apparent that the majority of Men are predators who insist on directing action and getting their own way.
As a bi guy I used to be happy to meet single men, no more. Most disappoint with their attitudes and lack of social ineptitude. I will only meet TV/TS/Ladies. Sadly most single women and many couples are put off from talking to single guys because the majority behave like complete dickheads. I now frequently read this about clubs too.
Is this the end of swinging for single guys and women? I for one lack the motivation after posting hundreds of polite messages and attending socials to be rebuffed and miss out due to overpowering, aggressive males. I now get out more socially but the same preconceptions exist. We do not all want a quickie fuck, many of us want to make sexy friends not score notches on bedposts. "
All your message says is that you are no longer being preferred over other people who you previously were unaffected by.
It is maybe not swinging which has changed, maybe it's you.
It's always worth looking at yourself before blaming others. You cannot change others but you can change yourself. |
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Swinging has changed like lots of things. However, there are still men both single and married who want to control female sexuality. Thank god society and therefore swinging as part of that has changed. Hopefully most women decide who they meet on here, I say mostly because, we have met couples where coercion of the woman was definitely present. |
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"I agree OP. It's changed and not in a good way. The majority of men that contact me are inept cavemen. It's put me off and other women and couples I know. Trying to pretend there's only a few dickheads is utter bollocks. Head in the sand some people....
Yes there are some good people but who has the time to wade through hundreds of crap ones to find one good one? I'd rather have a wank. "
Our opinion is the result of our experience not pretence or having our heads in the sand. However if your experiences have led you to holding different opinions we respect that. |
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I have recently returned to the swinging world after splitting with my ex who wasn't into it (that wasn't why we split though).
I am a normal single guy and have found that by being polite and respectful in my messages, and when I attended a club, some will respond positively and some won't. This is just like real life some will appreciate it and some won't.
I know I will not be everyones cup of tea and vice versa but I don't take it personally and move on.
Get out to clubs and socials and you will meet people that way - easier for others to realise you are a genuine, decent person too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree OP. It's changed and not in a good way. The majority of men that contact me are inept cavemen. It's put me off and other women and couples I know. Trying to pretend there's only a few dickheads is utter bollocks. Head in the sand some people....
Yes there are some good people but who has the time to wade through hundreds of crap ones to find one good one? I'd rather have a wank.
Our opinion is the result of our experience not pretence or having our heads in the sand. However if your experiences have led you to holding different opinions we respect that."
 Absolutely. Hence why I said "some people".  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree OP. It's changed and not in a good way. The majority of men that contact me are inept cavemen. It's put me off and other women and couples I know. Trying to pretend there's only a few dickheads is utter bollocks. Head in the sand some people....
Yes there are some good people but who has the time to wade through hundreds of crap ones to find one good one? I'd rather have a wank.
Our opinion is the result of our experience not pretence or having our heads in the sand. However if your experiences have led you to holding different opinions we respect that."
I was talking from my personal experience too |
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As a guy who relishes the genuine friendship and fun of being involved with a couple socially and for fun, have to say I do get more comments about others not being as respectful, or simply letting them down. Particularly at the last minute, really don't get that. Yes we all have occasional emergencies, but lets be fair they should be rare.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In answer to the OP's question, YES!
I think this is related to a recent thread about contact mags/"the old days".
Things have definitely changed since internet swinging has come on the scene, maybe I'm getting too old!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We've never had to block single men on here despite them not being our preference. I'm not sure how many years we've been here but I can think of only a few men that we've had to block this was more due to them being more pushy than rude and to be honest men in couples can often be pusher than single males.
You make your own luck in life and fab is no exception. |
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I wouldn't know if or how much it has changed over the years as I have only been on here for a few years, Anyone who acts like a dick or is aggressive in the way the contact people just makes normal people stand out that little bit more, I go in the chat rooms a lot more now and you see it there, I know most are directing rooms but constantly asking Women to get their tits out open legs etc just gets them blocked making it easier for people like myself to have some fun/friendly and flirty conversations with people |
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"Everybody thinks they're Christian f*&king Grey these days anything with mr grey in the profile gets deleted and blocked by me  "
I bet there is a real life Mr Grey on here, who's constantly getting stick with no idea why lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Before Christian Grey they blamed the Marquis de Sade wannabees with their battered copies of Justine, and 120 Days of Sodom, or those who had read Anne Declos's the Story of O. |
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By *ostafunMan
over a year ago
near ipswich |
I find these days that most of my meets come from friends ive known for years recomending me to friends of thiers then they in turn recomend me to other friends that way they know they are getting a genuine respectful guy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Let me throw the parato principle into the mix which in my interpretation would result in possibly 80% of the single guys being decent.
The Pareto principle (also known as the 80/20 rule, the law of the vital few, or the principle of factor sparsity)[1] states that, for many events, roughly 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes.[2] Management consultant Joseph M. Juran suggested the principle and named it after Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto, who noted the 80/20 connection while at the University of Lausanne in 1896, as published in his first paper, "Cours d'économie politique". Essentially, Pareto showed that approximately 80% of the land in Italy was owned by 20% of the population; Pareto developed the principle by observing that about 20% of the peapods in his garden contained 80% of the peas.[3]
It is a common rule of thumb in business; e.g., "80% of your sales come from 20% of your clients."
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Stop! Take some time out!
Maybe it is time to take responsibility for your own actions, instead of blaming everybody else.
When was the last time you took a long hard constructive look at your profile, for instance?
Could it be improved with better pictures, and a refresh of the text?
The only person you are in charge of is yourself.
So take a deep breath, get a grip, and if you are unhappy with your results, then do something positive to improve your chances. "
I refresh my profile very few weeks, I have cut it down for now. I frequently have done positive things. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Everybody thinks they're Christian f*&king Grey these days "
...........pmsl to true me n partner on couple page had a mrgrey only young kept msg no veris in a year n so on just after xmass he was stating that he was now a escourt and welcomed contact ......we play pretty hard on bdsm side a things bothe switch not a ass hole lol if you can give it out got a be able to take it .....but yes we came up with a pretty wrong scenario that could a been any sat night in our world lol but he said yes n that it would be 400 for the four hours he deemed it would take .......so politely reminded him he had sent us up to 20 msg recent and why would we pay a young boy with a silly name that cant give I away .......but yes egos n attitudes n gents (I use that word in a very loose term ) as a whole are rude n pushy and as stated try to turn things ruff n aggressive porn style if you are not careful......mind you being built like a steal out house helps keep them in Lon n if you got say enough is enough n ask some one to leave .....i openly admit when we have group things n GB n bukakke for her if its not all people we know n met before there is always a cs spray n couple a things tucked away as a lot of people are not what they da or prevail on here these days |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Before Christian Grey they blamed the Marquis de Sade wannabees with their battered copies of Justine, and 120 Days of Sodom, or those who had read Anne Declos's the Story of O. "
.......done a bit a study there Mr lol ......me never read any a them seen any a the films .....all natural n my own decrepit mind lol |
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"Let me throw the parato principle into the mix which in my interpretation would result in possibly 80% of the single guys being decent.
The Pareto principle (also known as the 80/20 rule, the law of the vital few, or the principle of factor sparsity)[1] states that, for many events, roughly 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes.[2] Management consultant Joseph M. Juran suggested the principle and named it after Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto, who noted the 80/20 connection while at the University of Lausanne in 1896, as published in his first paper, "Cours d'économie politique". Essentially, Pareto showed that approximately 80% of the land in Italy was owned by 20% of the population; Pareto developed the principle by observing that about 20% of the peapods in his garden contained 80% of the peas.[3]
It is a common rule of thumb in business; e.g., "80% of your sales come from 20% of your clients."
"
well the fab dickhead principle would definately argue the case against your Pareto principle .around 80% of the messages I get on here are from tosspots ,creeps ,wierdos,PIC collectors ,stalkers .about 60% have the usual intro of " fancy a fuck" or hey babe do you like my cock" yes there are some really nice genuine people on here but as far as I'm concerned the numbnuts are out in force on here .I've been on here nine years and yes it is going downhill |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When we joined Fab 4/5 years ago, there used to be about 18000 logons at most times. Now it's in the high 20,000 or more. It would appear therefore that more people are trying their hand at swinging than used to be the case.
I would further hazard a guess that a large proportion of the extra thousands of members have no real commitment to swinging, but see it as a 'bit of a laugh'. Hence the sensible are being increasingly drowned out by the crass, which gives the perception which the OP described.
Perhaps we need Sidney University to get off their arses and do some research. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Did you ever think it's time to give up swinging and move on?
I'm not having a dig at you , but when you start not enjoying a hobby then it might be time to find a new one....
Remember this is only a hobby, not a job...... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sadly lots of men see ladies who swing as free prostitutes
 "
The reason for this is because many woman on Fab are in fact working girls , they have a right to be here... but line gets blurred with paid gang bangs and bring me a gift if you want to meet me. So men are like dogs... they will think every lady is like this ....
Remember You can't feed a dog from the table and not expect him to come back |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sadly lots of men see ladies who swing as free prostitutes
The reason for this is because many woman on Fab are in fact working girls , they have a right to be here... but line gets blurred with paid gang bangs and bring me a gift if you want to meet me. So men are like dogs... they will think every lady is like this ....
Remember You can't feed a dog from the table and not expect him to come back"
I love your analogies |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Of course swinging has changed. The internet has had an enormous effect on it, making it more accessible to everyone. Access to profiles is now free, and we don't have to wait two weeks for a reply by post.
I think we have to change our attitudes to get along. As for clubs, my first swinging experience was at a club in Bromsgrove, 20 years ago. They have been around for quite a while."
I know the internet changed swinging, I ran several swinging web sites during the period when SH got exposed in the press and made a lot of friends from those sites! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Did you ever think it's time to give up swinging and move on?
I'm not having a dig at you , but when you start not enjoying a hobby then it might be time to find a new one....
Remember this is only a hobby, not a job......"
Yes, I seriously am considering it as my efforts have been dwarfed by those i mention. no matter how polite I am I get few replied and almost no meets. Apparently being 6 foot with a huge cock and muscles is neccesary to get anywhere on here. |
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"Did you ever think it's time to give up swinging and move on?
I'm not having a dig at you , but when you start not enjoying a hobby then it might be time to find a new one....
Remember this is only a hobby, not a job......
Yes, I seriously am considering it as my efforts have been dwarfed by those i mention. no matter how polite I am I get few replied and almost no meets. Apparently being 6 foot with a huge cock and muscles is neccesary to get anywhere on here."
You are not being passed over because vile men give you a bad name. |
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"Did you ever think it's time to give up swinging and move on?
I'm not having a dig at you , but when you start not enjoying a hobby then it might be time to find a new one....
Remember this is only a hobby, not a job......
Yes, I seriously am considering it as my efforts have been dwarfed by those i mention. no matter how polite I am I get few replied and almost no meets. Apparently being 6 foot with a huge cock and muscles is neccesary to get anywhere on here."
you do women a huge disservice by assuming we are that shallow. |
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We meet single guys as well as couples , we do prefer to use club as more choice for wife . We have been lucky to meet some nice blokes there , but we can also see how they behave and how they get on with others , there is no way I'd let any obnoxious blokes near wife . And club has good security to eject any who are out of order .as for meeting any guy out of club they would be required to meet me socially first , then with wife only then will we decide to have fun |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Been involved in swinging ever since I was 16 back in 1971. In those days we used contact magazines like Experience and Vibrations. Was a lot more expensive to contact people of a similar ilk. These days so much easier but you do have to wade through the mire to meet the people right for you. Nothing has really changed, the right people always come through. |
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We've met a few single guys & they have generally been positive experiences. We have blocked messages from them though, preferring to pick & contact them ourselves.
We avoid those that state they are 'alpha' or 'bulls'. Tanya likes a guy to be positive with her but not overbearing or rough.
Checking verifications seems to be a fairly good indicator too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Did you ever think it's time to give up swinging and move on?
I'm not having a dig at you , but when you start not enjoying a hobby then it might be time to find a new one....
Remember this is only a hobby, not a job......
Yes, I seriously am considering it as my efforts have been dwarfed by those i mention. no matter how polite I am I get few replied and almost no meets. Apparently being 6 foot with a huge cock and muscles is neccesary to get anywhere on here."
And so the real reason for this thread is revealed.
Its not "there's too many rude or pushy people" but "no one wants to shag me" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have been involved in the swinging scene for over 13 years, originally with my wife, now ex. We used to meet once or twice a month and even then we got let down by single guys and some couples.
It used to be an occasional idiot or pushy guy who might just stare at your wifes tits until reminded. Now through this site, dating sites and other sex sites it is apparent that the majority of Men are predators who insist on directing action and getting their own way.
As a bi guy I used to be happy to meet single men, no more. Most disappoint with their attitudes and lack of social ineptitude. I will only meet TV/TS/Ladies. Sadly most single women and many couples are put off from talking to single guys because the majority behave like complete dickheads. I now frequently read this about clubs too.
Is this the end of swinging for single guys and women? I for one lack the motivation after posting hundreds of polite messages and attending socials to be rebuffed and miss out due to overpowering, aggressive males. I now get out more socially but the same preconceptions exist. We do not all want a quickie fuck, many of us want to make sexy friends not score notches on bedposts. "
We go to a swinging club at least once a week and we often play with single men and couples. We have been doing this for over 2 and a half years and I can count on one hand the times we have witnessed poor behaviour from others. The secret of our success is this.....
1. attend well run clubs
2. mainly go in afternoons/early evenings
3. let singles/couples know as soon as possible if we are not going to be playing with them, decline politely
4. avoid heavy drinkers.
5. be sociable, have intelligent conversations with people and when it's time to get down to sexy action be upfront about boundaries and preferences.
Plenty of lovely swingers out there - don't let negatives put you off......plenty to be positive about! We recommend everyone on our veri list, m x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Did you ever think it's time to give up swinging and move on?
I'm not having a dig at you , but when you start not enjoying a hobby then it might be time to find a new one....
Remember this is only a hobby, not a job......
Yes, I seriously am considering it as my efforts have been dwarfed by those i mention. no matter how polite I am I get few replied and almost no meets. Apparently being 6 foot with a huge cock and muscles is neccesary to get anywhere on here.
And so the real reason for this thread is revealed.
Its not "there's too many rude or pushy people" but "no one wants to shag me""
There is a difference between inviting a discussion and moaning that I can't get a shag. I can and do but not on Fab.... |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"Everybody thinks they're Christian f*&king Grey these days anything with mr grey in the profile gets deleted and blocked by me "
Alongwith the self-proclaimed, 'alpha-male'
I don't even delete or block; i just leave it there to stew  |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"Did you ever think it's time to give up swinging and move on?
I'm not having a dig at you , but when you start not enjoying a hobby then it might be time to find a new one....
Remember this is only a hobby, not a job......
Yes, I seriously am considering it as my efforts have been dwarfed by those i mention. no matter how polite I am I get few replied and almost no meets. Apparently being 6 foot with a huge cock and muscles is neccesary to get anywhere on here.
And so the real reason for this thread is revealed.
Its not "there's too many rude or pushy people" but "no one wants to shag me""
I wouldn't say that  |
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"well the fab dickhead principle would definately argue the case against your Pareto principle .around 80% of the messages I get on here are from tosspots ,creeps ,wierdos,PIC collectors ,stalkers .about 60% have the usual intro of " fancy a fuck" or hey babe do you like my cock" "
Wow, 140% messages  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"well the fab dickhead principle would definately argue the case against your Pareto principle .around 80% of the messages I get on here are from tosspots ,creeps ,wierdos,PIC collectors ,stalkers .about 60% have the usual intro of " fancy a fuck" or hey babe do you like my cock"
Wow, 140% messages "
multiple profiles? |
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