FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Out of order or not?
Out of order or not?
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So I'm the male half of a couple and just want to know the thoughts of others on something that happened recently.
I bought a sex sofa for me and my gf to play on which is meant for our use only. I haven't even seen it yet as away with work.
I let my gf have a meet with another girl and found out that she used it with her even though we haven't used it ourselves yet
Just wanted to know other thoughts and if I over reacted to the situation |
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If that happened to me (F) I'd have been VERY pissed because I'd be of the opinion that my feelings weren't taken into consideration when the other half decided to use a toy that was put aside specially for us. I'd probably have binned the toy in anger tbh. Others may be a lot more forgiving than I'd be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So I'm the male half of a couple and just want to know the thoughts of others on something that happened recently.
I bought a sex sofa for me and my gf to play on which is meant for our use only. I haven't even seen it yet as away with work.
I let my gf have a meet with another girl and found out that she used it with her even though we haven't used it ourselves yet
Just wanted to know other thoughts and if I over reacted to the situation "
You havent actually said how you reacted? |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Was she aware that it was out of bounds to others?
Yes she knew it was out of bounds, yes it's a sex sofa but for me and her to use, £600 sofa is a bit much to just throw away "
You should be having a word with her about your disappointment then.
Sense of proportion though - its a sofa, not a new Lagonda. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Just wanted to know other thoughts and if I over reacted to the situation
Well if you compare it the 21,000 people who will die of hunger today; I reckon so."
 |
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By *lceeWoman
over a year ago
Leeds |
It wouldn't bother me too much if the other half did that, but then we wouldn't have anything 'out of bounds' as it were. It seems a bit of an antiquated notion - quite happy for the partner to bump uglies with someone else but not to have sex in a certain place or using certain things? Seems a little arbitrary.
But each to their own...if you're upset, it's a valid emotional response and the reasons why you feel that way deserve to be discussed openly and honestly with your partner, rather than us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Just wanted to know other thoughts and if I over reacted to the situation
Well if you compare it the 21,000 people who will die of hunger today; I reckon so."
 |
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Not sure how you reacted but if you feel she's over stepped a boundary feeling angry about it would be reasonable.
Not sure if it's the case with you but if people ask if they've over reacted its often because their partner feels they have.
Only the two of you can resolve this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you had a meet with a female, in the heat of the moment, she makes her way to the sofa...would you turn round and say "that's for my OH only".
Yes! "
Then there is your answer.
Respect goes both ways. If you talked about it beforehand and you would stick by it, then being annoyed isn't overreacting.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just Googled - they're pretty nifty
"
They remind me of the hot stone seats at a spa! Although, I think you may get kicked out of the spa if you used it as a sofa |
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"A meet with a woman is a little different to a meet with a man. It's not like it's been damaged, it's a fun piece of furniture so treat it as such.. ?"
Is it? To me a meet with a woman would be the same as with a man it's interesting that people see it as different. I'm not bi though so the question wouldn't arise. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Makes you think what the replys would be if it was the female half saying Mr had a women bent over it 
Don't matter the sex. It's a issue of boundaries agreed |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A meet with a woman is a little different to a meet with a man. It's not like it's been damaged, it's a fun piece of furniture so treat it as such.. ?
Is it? To me a meet with a woman would be the same as with a man it's interesting that people see it as different. I'm not bi though so the question wouldn't arise."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Was she aware that it was out of bounds to others?
Yes she knew it was out of bounds, yes it's a sex sofa but for me and her to use, £600 sofa is a bit much to just throw away
You should be having a word with her about your disappointment then.
Sense of proportion though - its a sofa, not a new Lagonda."
Ohhhh!! Could do with one of those too!! |
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I'd say lighten up. It's a sex sofa and she had a gf round with your prior knowledge and approval and used it. Personally wouldn't bother me in the slightest.
Bun might get a spank and good seeing to on it for being ' naughty' , but that's it
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"A meet with a woman is a little different to a meet with a man. It's not like it's been damaged, it's a fun piece of furniture so treat it as such.. ?
Is it? To me a meet with a woman would be the same as with a man it's interesting that people see it as different. I'm not bi though so the question wouldn't arise."
The thought of using a piece of furniture after a guy has sweated all over it not least come all over it, as opposed to a woman with all their perfumery? I'd be much happier with the latter. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A meet with a woman is a little different to a meet with a man. It's not like it's been damaged, it's a fun piece of furniture so treat it as such.. ?
Is it? To me a meet with a woman would be the same as with a man it's interesting that people see it as different. I'm not bi though so the question wouldn't arise.
The thought of using a piece of furniture after a guy has sweated all over it not least come all over it, as opposed to a woman with all their perfumery? I'd be much happier with the latter. "
Typical male response |
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"So I'm the male half of a couple and just want to know the thoughts of others on something that happened recently.
I bought a sex sofa for me and my gf to play on which is meant for our use only. I haven't even seen it yet as away with work.
I let my gf have a meet with another girl and found out that she used it with her even though we haven't used it ourselves yet
Just wanted to know other thoughts and if I over reacted to the situation "
First world problems hey |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So I'm the male half of a couple and just want to know the thoughts of others on something that happened recently.
I bought a sex sofa for me and my gf to play on which is meant for our use only. I haven't even seen it yet as away with work.
I let my gf have a meet with another girl and found out that she used it with her even though we haven't used it ourselves yet
Just wanted to know other thoughts and if I over reacted to the situation "
Personally I think it's out of order. If you both agreed to try it together for the first time, it's a breach of boundaries and trust. I would be pissed off if that was me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Was she aware that it was out of bounds to others?
Yes she knew it was out of bounds, yes it's a sex sofa but for me and her to use, £600 sofa is a bit much to just throw away "
You're going to throw it away because she has sex on it with someone else?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd say lighten up. It's a sex sofa and she had a gf round with your prior knowledge and approval and used it. Personally wouldn't bother me in the slightest.
Bun might get a spank and good seeing to on it for being ' naughty' , but that's it
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So I'm the male half of a couple and just want to know the thoughts of others on something that happened recently.
I bought a sex sofa for me and my gf to play on which is meant for our use only. I haven't even seen it yet as away with work.
I let my gf have a meet with another girl and found out that she used it with her even though we haven't used it ourselves yet
Just wanted to know other thoughts and if I over reacted to the situation "
You let someone else use your gf's pussy which is much worth than the sex sofa.
I don't see anything wrong with it if you ask me. The other girl replaced you remember. What if she learned different skills on the sex sofa which she was going to use on you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
You let someone else use your gf's pussy which is much worth than the sex sofa. "
You seem to be missing the difference between a woman and a sex toy. He doesn't 'let' his girlfriend do anything, because she's a human being who can do whatever she wants. A sex sofa is an object and he can put restrictions on that if he so wishes. |
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"
You let someone else use your gf's pussy which is much worth than the sex sofa.
I don't see anything wrong with it if you ask me. The other girl replaced you remember. What if she learned different skills on the sex sofa which she was going to use on you?"
Do you understand anything about swinging?
MrB |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
"Well it's done now so not lot you can do about it.
Put her over your knee and spank her on it for being so naughty
Would u like to do it for me as I'm not in the uk atm ? "
We'll do it! But we'd need to do it while sitting on your sofa so not sure it'll help much
S |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well it's done now so not lot you can do about it.
Put her over your knee and spank her on it for being so naughty
Would u like to do it for me as I'm not in the uk atm ?
We'll do it! But we'd need to do it while sitting on your sofa so not sure it'll help much
S"
How about drawing lines around the house with a felt tip pen to mark out of bounds area? |
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"I'd say lighten up. It's a sex sofa and she had a gf round with your prior knowledge and approval and used it. Personally wouldn't bother me in the slightest.
Bun might get a spank and good seeing to on it for being ' naughty' , but that's it
"
This....... get over it ....youre swingers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So I'm the male half of a couple and just want to know the thoughts of others on something that happened recently.
I bought a sex sofa for me and my gf to play on which is meant for our use only. I haven't even seen it yet as away with work.
I let my gf have a meet with another girl and found out that she used it with her even though we haven't used it ourselves yet
Just wanted to know other thoughts and if I over reacted to the situation
Personally I think it's out of order. If you both agreed to try it together for the first time, it's a breach of boundaries and trust. I would be pissed off if that was me. "
Id be pissed off too.. but its happened now... so you have to go from there... op how come you hadnt tried it straight away. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well it's done now so not lot you can do about it.
Put her over your knee and spank her on it for being so naughty
Would u like to do it for me as I'm not in the uk atm ?
We'll do it! But we'd need to do it while sitting on your sofa so not sure it'll help much
S
How about drawing lines around the house with a felt tip pen to mark out of bounds area? "
hahah perfect |
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By *LUKCouple
over a year ago
Loughborough |
"I didn't realise this was an actual thing, I thought you'd just got a sofa from DFS for shagging  "
A tip: Don't pop into your local DFS and ask if they have a sex sofa.
Trust me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Was she aware that it was out of bounds to others?
Yes she knew it was out of bounds, yes it's a sex sofa but for me and her to use, £600 sofa is a bit much to just throw away
You're going to throw it away because she has sex on it with someone else? "
No, i think its pretty clear from his comment that hes NOT going to throw it away |
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If you have an arrangement that specific spaces are special for you and your partner, they should respect that.
My wife and I will not entertain other people in our bedroom. Anywhere else is fair game. It's just somewhere a little special for us.
On the positive side, she did tell you what happened rather than keep it secret. Hopefully you have calmed a little and can politely let her know why it upset you so much. It's quite possible she doesn't understand that.
Some people have no hangups about furniture at all. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"I will determine if I have over reacted just waited to see the view of others if it would have happened to them "
If you have decided between you not to do something when swinging or in real life, then one going against it ( whatever it is ) is going to be upsetting.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It would annoy me tbh.
I suppose a more common version people could relate to is a specific resturant or show you both like the idea off going to and are looking forward to trying it out together then one of you goes off and does it with somone else first.
Humans are strange there is a emotional bond to things and acts especially the first time.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So I'm the male half of a couple and just want to know the thoughts of others on something that happened recently.
I bought a sex sofa for me and my gf to play on which is meant for our use only. I haven't even seen it yet as away with work.
I let my gf have a meet with another girl and found out that she used it with her even though we haven't used it ourselves yet
Just wanted to know other thoughts and if I over reacted to the situation "
I wouldn't be very happy! I would throw the damn thing in the bin  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Without wishing to appear uneducated, would someone enlighten me as to what a sex sofa is ?
Is it just a sofa you have bought just for having sex on ? Or is this some sort of sex toy accessory that I've never heard of ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ok ignore my previous post I have now googled it ....
You spent £600 ?! On that ?!?
You guys must have some serious disposable income lol
I'd love to have seen the 'inventor' pitch this on Dragons Den .... "I'm failing to see what Mrs P and I could do sexually with it that we couldn't do on a normal sofa" (Theo Paphitis)
But alas I digress, in response to the OP's question, dude it's a silly shaped piece of furniture, don't stress the little things. Go and give your wife a big kiss and tell her u love her |
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I had something similar happen to me, came home to find my wife had used the remote on our new Television before me, taking a liberty or what boys? As you can imagine I hit the f*%king roof she had really over stepped the mark this time, how totally selfish of her I thought, just to get my own back I've started to wash the dishes, two can play at that game! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had something similar happen to me, came home to find my wife had used the remote on our new Television before me, taking a liberty or what boys? As you can imagine I hit the f*%king roof she had really over stepped the mark this time, how totally selfish of her I thought, just to get my own back I've started to wash the dishes, two can play at that game!"
Ok now this scenario is completely different. I know a good divorce lawyer if u want his details ? Once the trust has gone what else is there to do |
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"I had something similar happen to me, came home to find my wife had used the remote on our new Television before me, taking a liberty or what boys? As you can imagine I hit the f*%king roof she had really over stepped the mark this time, how totally selfish of her I thought, just to get my own back I've started to wash the dishes, two can play at that game!"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh yes I definitely would be pissed!
Not because she used the couch but more so because you wanted to have something for both of you that you don't share to other, and she took that away from you without any consideration !!!
So inconsiderate!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"shocking how many people think that boundaries and respect mean nothing!!
"
No i imagine most of people claiming its nothing would be annoyed themsleves. However it's too good an opertunity to appear morally superior on the internet to pass up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"shocking how many people think that boundaries and respect mean nothing!!
No i imagine most of people claiming its nothing would be annoyed themsleves. However it's too good an opertunity to appear morally superior on the internet to pass up."
Boundaries and respect are one thing - but there's only so much of a toss I can give about if my partner had sex on an overpriced bit of furniture without me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So having boundaries and respect in a swinging relationship is being morally superior?
I would have thought it is normal for a swinging couple
"
Try reading that again.
You managed to get litterally 100% the opposite from what i said. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"shocking how many people think that boundaries and respect mean nothing!!
No i imagine most of people claiming its nothing would be annoyed themsleves. However it's too good an opertunity to appear morally superior on the internet to pass up.
Boundaries and respect are one thing - but there's only so much of a toss I can give about if my partner had sex on an overpriced bit of furniture without me."
I don't thing it is about the piece of furniture but more so what the piece of furniture represented to him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"shocking how many people think that boundaries and respect mean nothing!!
No i imagine most of people claiming its nothing would be annoyed themsleves. However it's too good an opertunity to appear morally superior on the internet to pass up.
Boundaries and respect are one thing - but there's only so much of a toss I can give about if my partner had sex on an overpriced bit of furniture without me."
So youd feel nothing? (The bizzare need to have a dig at the op and his partners spending preferences asside)
How far does that extend?
To any and all planned "firsts"?
Or simply sexual ones? |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"So having boundaries and respect in a swinging relationship is being morally superior?
I would have thought it is normal for a swinging couple
Try reading that again.
You managed to get litterally 100% the opposite from what i said."
I apologise, I certainly did. I blame the fact I have only had one cuppa this morning, will go get more tea before I read again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"shocking how many people think that boundaries and respect mean nothing!!
No i imagine most of people claiming its nothing would be annoyed themsleves. However it's too good an opertunity to appear morally superior on the internet to pass up.
Boundaries and respect are one thing - but there's only so much of a toss I can give about if my partner had sex on an overpriced bit of furniture without me.
So youd feel nothing? (The bizzare need to have a dig at the op and his partners spending preferences asside)
How far does that extend?
To any and all planned "firsts"?
Or simply sexual ones?"
I'd proberbly be irritated for a couple of minutes, and then I'd want to sit down and process that emotion. I suspect that if I thought about it then I would figure out that it was a jealousy reaction, and so therefore something that I could put aside and not worry about.
I don't really put any particular weight on 'firsts' of this kind, so therefore it wouldn't be more than a marginal annoyance for me. I'd proberbly want to have a chat with my partner about the fact that we'd arranged something together and perhaps next time they might want to take my feelings more seriously, but I wouldn't come and ask a forum about it. It's just not the kind of thing that would be *that* important in my life.
Other people may have a different experience. |
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Ok, initially I commented a ' so what' type response.
But, the partner has gone through a boundary that we are told they have agreed. It just seems this 'boundary' i.e. using the chair, seems petty to a lot of people (me too) so has received a lot of flak. But it is their boundary none-the-less.
The tone and facts do seem to be a bit harsh though, for me personally. This is supposed to be fun x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"shocking how many people think that boundaries and respect mean nothing!!"
They don't mean nothing, to me. I don't set boundaries or restrictions on other people, regarding what they do with others. I can, however, understand that other people do, and become upset when they aren't adhered to. We are asked our opinions on something, I gave mine. |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"So I'm the male half of a couple and just want to know the thoughts of others on something that happened recently.
I bought a sex sofa for me and my gf to play on which is meant for our use only. I haven't even seen it yet as away with work.
I let my gf have a meet with another girl and found out that she used it with her even though we haven't used it ourselves yet
Just wanted to know other thoughts and if I over reacted to the situation "
A lot of controlling presuppositions in your post, her actions might actually be telling you something here. However only you and her will know that.  |
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"A meet with a woman is a little different to a meet with a man. It's not like it's been damaged, it's a fun piece of furniture so treat it as such.. ?
Is it? To me a meet with a woman would be the same as with a man it's interesting that people see it as different. I'm not bi though so the question wouldn't arise.
The thought of using a piece of furniture after a guy has sweated all over it not least come all over it, as opposed to a woman with all their perfumery? I'd be much happier with the latter.
Typical male response "
yup but to be honast i agree haha ( the guy)but i dont think this thread would be so light hearted and advise would be different if it was a female posting. |
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I don't like some of the phraseology such as "I let my girlfriend have a meet"...it sounds controlling and possessive...but I do understand many people have boundaries regarding spaces or furniture that are special to an individual or couple. And yes, I think such boundaries should be respected.
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