FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > A question for the ladies!!!

A question for the ladies!!!

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Hi. I hope I don't get lots of mean comments for this but I'm genuinely interested in how ladies have "just sex". Do you not get attached and feel awful about yourself the day after? Or is the fall back worth it for a great sex session? And if you do feel empty, used, worthless etc the day after, how do you deal with it? Does it stop you doing it for a while or do you just jump back onto another cock?

I love sex and need it but I'm struggling with the feelings afterwards

Please be kind with your replies. I know I'll probably get lots of "its not for you" replies but I still have needs

I've also aimed this to the women because I believe women get a release of oxytocin during sex which makes our feelings of sex alot different to a man's.

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By *he girl with dreadlocksWoman over a year ago

need to know basis in Wolverhampton

The only time I've felt used is when two ex FB (yeah I didn't learn the first time)

Wanted us to be exclusive but without the other good stuff like going out to eat, cinema just hanging out. It felt like I was just a toy they played with when they wanted but didn't want to share

So now I will only do exclusive with my partner if I ever get one.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's not just women..

Just because it NSA, doesn't mean it's no emotions attached.

Ultimately some people can switch off emotions, but it depends how you want to use the site. There are no right or wrong answers.

You will find a level that is right for you.

Hope this helps

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hi. I hope I don't get lots of mean comments for this but I'm genuinely interested in how ladies have "just sex". Do you not get attached and feel awful about yourself the day after? Or is the fall back worth it for a great sex session? And if you do feel empty, used, worthless etc the day after, how do you deal with it? Does it stop you doing it for a while or do you just jump back onto another cock?

I love sex and need it but I'm struggling with the feelings afterwards

Please be kind with your replies. I know I'll probably get lots of "its not for you" replies but I still have needs

I've also aimed this to the women because I believe women get a release of oxytocin during sex which makes our feelings of sex alot different to a man's.

I imagine being in a relationship makes this lifestyle easier for a woman as you get the emotional needs met by your partner? Is this true? Or do woman who are involved as part of a couple still feel awful afterwards?"
I think it depends on the situation. Single. Married but not feeling loved etc. I'm very happily married and very much loved so sex with others is purely consented fun between us all. I don't feel bad afterwards cos it's what I wanted. As for getting attached I can't see it happening with me personally. There has to be some attraction. Couldn't possibly sleep with someone just cos he's got a cock lol. X

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By *orkie321bWoman over a year ago

Nottingham

The only time I've ever felt bad afterwards was after my first meet. I was seeing someone at the time and just felt incredibly guilt because I had gone behind his back. It was a couple of months before I met again and after we had broken up. I guess I'm not cut out to cheat.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oxytocin release happens in males as well, not just a female exclusive! Xxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The only time I've ever felt bad afterwards was after my first meet. I was seeing someone at the time and just felt incredibly guilt because I had gone behind his back. It was a couple of months before I met again and after we had broken up. I guess I'm not cut out to cheat."
I couldn't ever do it behind hubby's back. No point when we play together. Just lately we are starting to play separately but with eachotheres consent. Not sure it will be a regular thing cos I don't want it getting out of hand.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Maybe I'm a cold hearted bitch but I have no problems with attachments.

If a guy tells me on here that he cares or can't stop thinking about me, i block him or delete contact.

I am happy with my partner. Not here for love.

Maybe I'm damaged goods?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Maybe I'm a cold hearted bitch but I have no problems with attachments.

If a guy tells me on here that he cares or can't stop thinking about me, i block him or delete contact.

I am happy with my partner. Not here for love.

Maybe I'm damaged goods?

"
best way to be. Why string someone along if they start getting attached. I tend to avoid someone if I sense they are reading more into it. X

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think it might be different if I'm single but because I'm playing with a partner it's about me and him and the other blokes are just there to serve a purpose to me, nothing else.

Sleeping with someone who I totally click with on a long term basis definitely leads to feelings though, even when I don't want them and try to remain attached. And so I don't think I could handle regular meets with the same person if I was single and not end up getting feelings, it's human nature

Ruby x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Remain detached not attached!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have been fortunate to meet a few lovely men who I'm still friendly with. But one or two who make you feel like wtf was that all about. I travel to my meets takes me a long while but out of necessity I do it and I try to make sure I know them well enough but there is always the exceptions. I broke up after 9 mths with a fb as it was his terms all the time

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By *eavenscentitCouple over a year ago

barnstaple

I have a regular fwb N, we meet and play. We also share personal things/emotional things. We are not in a relationship as such. The other guys from this site I meet and fuck, I don't feel used. I get what I need, I don't share any details of my life with them. It suits me. I choose carefully who I meet and am explicit about my needs.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I love sex and need it but I'm struggling with the feelings afterwards

Please be kind with your replies. I know I'll probably get lots of "its not for you" replies but I still have needs

I've also aimed this to the women because I believe women get a release of oxytocin during sex which makes our feelings of sex alot different to a man's.

It's a steep learning curve on here and you will probably get feelings for one or two if you meet more than once..I learned my lesson and know what NOT to do now. Maybe one off meetings would be better for you rather than regular.

The only time I feel used/worthless is when the guy hasn't been honest and makes out like he wants regular and wants to meet again only for them to ignore you..but at the end of the day it was a pleasurable experience, we used each other for sex.. For me the good outweighs the bad at the moment.

The more you meet you will find your happy medium and have enough experiences to be able to process the right way to go about it and adjust your criteria accordingly.

When the bad outweighs the good maybe hide your profile for a bit?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ive started feeling that im either wanting more than "a meet" or meeting a stranger isnt for me anymore im just not sure how i feel so ive stopped meeting, i left the site after 9 years but recently came back as i missed the forums and the banter, in time i might feel different and start meeting im just not sure

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 17/11/16 10:15:44]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In the beginning, it felt weird. I'd not been particularly promiscuous and I've only had 1 one night stand before, 2 long term partners. I wasn't sure how to manage my feelings. But then I realised it was more about how other people would perceive it than me feeling crap if that makes sense?

Most of my meets have been repeats too. I've met one guy who makes me mushy but it's reciprocated so it's cool

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By *issPPWoman over a year ago

Bristol

I love sex and need it but I'm struggling with the feelings afterwards

Please be kind with your replies. I know I'll probably get lots of "its not for you" replies but I still have needs

I've also aimed this to the women because I believe women get a release of oxytocin during sex which makes our feelings of sex alot different to a man's.

I can only tell you my own experience regarding this, I'm swinging for about 3 years now. It happened to me twice that I grew feelings for someone, I'm meeting someone for nearly 2 years now, when I started swinging I thought I will never fall in love with someone as I was after a very long relationship and disappointed but it happened, that doesn't mean that I want exclusivity or I want to control him in any way, I have true and very strong feelings for him but I can't see why should that make me jealous or anxious or wanting to have a monogamous relationship with him, I was honest and open about how I feel and what I want out of this. Is all going well, we meet as often as we can but both of us meeting other people as well, on our own or together and having great fun sharing the experinces, I believe there is nothing wrong with having feelings for someone being a swingers doesn't mean we are machines, it happens to most of us and it will happen to you as well,everything depends on how you can handle it and what you want out of it. You will learn with time to handle your feelings and understand yourself better, you are at the beginning of your journey, give yourself a bit of time and learn a bit of self control, it will help you in other areas of your life too.

Have a great time X

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By *roticGoddessXXWoman over a year ago

Richmond

I love sex and need it but I'm struggling with the feelings afterwards

Please be kind with your replies. I know I'll probably get lots of "its not for you" replies but I still have needs

I've also aimed this to the women because I believe women get a release of oxytocin during sex which makes our feelings of sex alot different to a man's.

Thanks for the topic, OP. I've often wondered this myself--how I can be with some with no attachment whatsoever, and others I fall for with no idea where the feelings came from.

I had a LT FWB (3+ years) who remained on a friendly basis the entire time. While we chatted and had a laugh, and feelings were definitely involved, they weren't of the romantic sort whatsoever, and I could go about my life without thought of him in my daily life. Then again, there have been some who instantly struck a chord in my heart and I couldn't let it go.

WHY?

I think what it came down to, for me, is whether I could see them in my life as a partner or not....my FWB was certainly not one I ever looked at as available for me, so sex was all I ever wanted with him and others like him.

I've occasionally felt awful about myself when "just having sex" and I think that came about because it just happened, and wasn't necessarily something I had planned on and decided I really wanted. When I knew I wanted sex, and just went for it, I've never felt any shame about it (shame not being a thing I allow in my life these days).

In the end, I stopped meeting for a while, chatted on a friendly basis only, and the man of my dreams appeared out of nowhere. Can't say yet whether being with others is different when in a relationship, as we haven't reached that stage yet.

I'm interested in reading more responses here too, because, while this apparently affects men as well, I think of it as a women's issue.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

NSA sex suited me just fine after i split up with my ex. I also enjoyed fucking a lot of guys as well. I didn't need feelings, i just liked feeling a dick inside me.

The only guys who left me feeling used really were the ones who had no interest in me enjoying the sex at all, which was rare but i have met a few like that off here. Everyone is using each other with NSA sex but it shouldn't really feel like that, you should both enjoy it imo.

Even now i don't need an emotional attachment but the quality of sex i want now exceeds what i used to enjoy. i'm actually enjoying not having as much sex coz i know when i get some it will be really good.

I have got attached to some guys, it doesn't last long though and i come to my senses pretty quick about it not being reciprocal. Although there have been a few times it was, none of these times worked out for me, for different reasons.

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By *omenloverMan over a year ago

Birmingham

Iv course they do. Most of em are bi lesbian thou so wont feel the way u do

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I used to feel attachment to every lover I had and doubted I'd ever be able to just play and put it behind me.

Now I'm married, I find I can walk away from the people I play with.

I darent see the same guy too many times though as I still quickly start to fall for him.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

For me there is only an emotional attachment to my husband during sex as obviously I have very strong feelings and attachment to him. Sex with others is just that, just sex. No attachment no feelings it's just fun. When it's finished that's it back to our business. If we didn't see those play partners again it would not be a big deal. X

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By *imetoexplore69Couple over a year ago

Aberdeen

"For me there is only an emotional attachment to my husband during sex as obviously I have very strong feelings and attachment to him. Sex with others is just that, just sex. No attachment no feelings it's just fun. When it's finished that's it back to our business. If we didn't see those play partners again it would not be a big deal. X"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Its rare I feel bad after sex... i have sex because i get what I want...

I never felt bad when I was meeting as a single and just doing group meets and my preference has always been fuck and go.. and that made me feel good..

If something was making me feel crappy I wouldnt do it. Like i dont meet seperately now as It makes me feel guilty and off.. and therefore no pleasure in it.

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By *rimo4uMan over a year ago

north kensington w10

I love sex and need it but I'm struggling with the feelings afterwards

Please be kind with your replies. I know I'll probably get lots of "its not for you" replies but I still have needs

I've also aimed this to the women because I believe women get a release of oxytocin during sex which makes our feelings of sex alot different to a man's.

Hey guys i thought it was a question for the ladies!

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By *LUKCouple over a year ago

Loughborough

It probably has a lot to do with how society frowns upon sex and how we are conditioned from a young age to view it.

Sex is fantastic. There's a reason why the ultimate highs in life are usually referred to as "..better than sex" (even when they're not).

If someone likes having lots of sex, they should do it and not feel one bit guilty or ashamed afterwards. If you played a game of tennis with a man and really enjoyed it, would you feel guilty or ashamed the next morning? How about going on a 10 mile bike ride? Society has deemed these things to be acceptable hobbies. Sex, on the other hand, is dirty. You are a deviant with no morals etc etc

I say, fuck society standards. Do what you what you want, when you want (as long as it's all legal of course) and don't feel one bit guilty or dirty for doing something that makes you happy. Don't let the moral standards of the boring and ignorant ruin what should be a happy memory for you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I only feel used when men are obviously just there for their own needs and are not interested in me or mine. These days I dont meet often and I am very picky.

I get fed up with it all from time to time but the desire for human contact eventually overrides that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A few people have mentioned this and I want to stress it further - look into your feelings of sexual guilt. Feeling empty, used, worthless the day after a *good* sex session is indicative of sexual guilt issues. You will have to reprogram yourself to believe that sex is something you have a right to enjoy, independently of any other attachment or relationship arrangement.

The oxytocin spike you are talking about is session-specific - you can arrange to meet with guys who like to cuddle, problem solved. With experience you will learn how little or how much involvement you want - some people enjoy their anon fuck&go and others like to go on dates. Unfortunately this is a trial&error process. Be kind to yourself. Once you know what you are looking for, make sure you communicate your requirements and check that everyone is on the same page. Some people will deceive but this is unusual in my experience, what happens most is lack of experience and loooads of misunderstandings. Don't be afraid to explain to people what you hope to achieve out of a meet - assume nothing!

This is your sex life, let go of the rules that others have put on you, find out your true boundaries and stick to them instead, you'll do fine x

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

This is it from my point of view, when i have a meet i give them my undivided attention and expect theres, i have emotions during that time, im affectionate. They leave, i bask in my post coital bliss for a bit.

Then thats it. I literally switch it on and off. I dont know how i do it but ive always done it

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By *eryCuriousCouple2012Couple over a year ago

Funville

To address the oxytocin comment, it's not session specific and it's not just women who have a release of the hormone. Both genders release oxytocin during and after sex, it's what gives the nice feeling

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"To address the oxytocin comment, it's not session specific and it's not just women who have a release of the hormone. Both genders release oxytocin during and after sex, it's what gives the nice feeling

Men do produce some oxytocin but,by far the main chemical they secrete after sex is dopamine....pure unadulterated pleasure. This is one reason why there are more male sex addicts than female ones.

I've decided to leave the site. If I like someone enough to have sex with them.....I like them enough to want more than just sex. What a dilemma!

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By *ollyGWoman over a year ago

Southampton

"Ive started feeling that im either wanting more than "a meet" or meeting a stranger isnt for me anymore im just not sure how i feel so ive stopped meeting, i left the site after 9 years but recently came back as i missed the forums and the banter, in time i might feel different and start meeting im just not sure

Apart from leaving the site I feel exactly the same,don't want a partner, just a fb, can't be bothered with meeting new guys x

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By *ollyGWoman over a year ago

Southampton

"This is it from my point of view, when i have a meet i give them my undivided attention and expect theres, i have emotions during that time, im affectionate. They leave, i bask in my post coital bliss for a bit.

Then thats it. I literally switch it on and off. I dont know how i do it but ive always done it"

Wish I could, wanna let me know how you do it?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Then thats it. I literally switch it on and off. I dont know how i do it but ive always done it

Wish I could, wanna let me know how you do it?"

What Diamondsmiles described is staying in the moment. No concerns of other desires or fixating on what could have been, just enjoy what is offered. One of the hardest things in this life, accepting what is.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have a couple of FB (1 here, 1 real life)

The first times with them, I felt shit after because I was alone the night after

We're still in contact so I see their social media and photo updates, convinced myself they would make bad partners (they really would) so now we can enjoy each other without any feelings getting involved

Took a while tho

But I don't arrange a meet at the drop of a hat. It's constant back and fourth for days/weeks

And I do get attached

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have fwb and they love the feeling of being used they love that slutty feeling

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple over a year ago

Halifax

I never did when i was single here,i knew it was all just for fun .I sometimes took a break if i got fed up or didn't have anyone i fancied meeting .

Are you worried about getting attached op? .

Miss

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By *BW SnowbunnyWoman over a year ago

Somewhere over the Rainbow

I've had feelings once and it was hell. Took me at least a week to sort myself out. I don't want feelings for anyone. I'd love an fwb but two guys that appealed to me aren't interested. Sometimes it's nice to have the touch of someone's skin next to you, gentle caressing and after sex chat. Also nice if you're at a club if they sit with you afterwards for a while. Sometimes just raw sex and then go separate ways is also good.

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By *alandNitaCouple over a year ago

Scunthorpe

I can only speak for myself and we only meet as a couple so it is a very different dynamic.

I did worry that it would feel "wrong", but, maybe because Cal is there and we enjoy seeing each other with other people it just isn't a problem.

I'm not sure that men and women are different to be honest. As a rule women are still expected to be sexually less explorative, so the guilt may be based on the expectation of society in general.

Nita

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The problem I believe is the emotion and intimacy that comes from 1 on 1 meets. A problem that seems to affect men as well.

I only meet groups of men (2 or more) and never feel emotion yet i cum many times. The reason is there is no intimacy in groups just sex.

You want to feel good the next morning? Stop playing with your emotions and get 2 or 3 guys round for pure NSA fucking.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I responded on this thread a few days ago. I had a FWB shared every part of our lives having both got problems at home. Non stop chat for 6 months meeting every chance we got I fell hook line and sinker and told him how I felt big mistake. We still chat every day but the time is much shorter I've stopped seeing him every couple of weeks I now havnt seen him in 7weeks and will on Thursday. I am honest if I meet anyone as he wants to know but he doesn't tell me. My problem is we've always had unprotected sex since we became exclusive but now I'm worrying about what I should do. I know he can't afford to do anything stupid for obvious reasons and I'm very very careful but its still a dilemma. I've now met this lovely man who I had so much fun and I dnt mean sex and I'm thinking maybe its time to say bye bye but its so hard and I dnt know how to or if I can.

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By *limaxinnylonCouple over a year ago

CHESTER

I am in a relationship and we play together on here but I have never felt anything other than horny and wanting a good fuck from any guys or girls we have met. It's a purely animalistic urge to fuck and nothing else, the only person I have feelings for is Jon as he is the one I love and adore. I don't know if that sounds harsh or not but I have no emotional connection to a meeting it's purely a physical want/need and once achieved... Thanks you can leave!

Jayne xx

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By *edangel_2013Woman over a year ago

southend

I don't attach emotional feelings to sex. I never have. Always been wired a bit differently in that respect.

Naturally I am a very tactile person though, so I meet people who don't mind hugging and kissing. The actual act of sex doesn't make me feel bad, but if someone walks away without a kiss or hug that can. Depending on the nature of the meet anyway.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oxytocin is the happy hormone,male and females have it , touch , stroke , massage causes a big release. Even a strong powerful shower on your back can cause a release of Oxytocin that's why we feel good going in the shower , sex in the shower even better ! Every person in the world loves the happy hormone even if it's just for a few hours play, others need and want more

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The only time I've felt used is when two ex FB (yeah I didn't learn the first time)

Wanted us to be exclusive but without the other good stuff like going out to eat, cinema just hanging out. It felt like I was just a toy they played with when they wanted but didn't want to share

So now I will only do exclusive with my partner if I ever get one."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you feel that way you shouldn't do it. It is what it is and as long as you enjoy it don't worry or beat yourself up or stop doing it simpl

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

I'm able to separate the two and not feel crap after enjoying myself with a meet

It's nice to see someone as a regular rather than a one off but that's because the sex get's better not because I get attached.

There is one Fab friend of mine that I'd like to see more often but that's because he's amazing in bed and makes me feel great when I see him.

I'm not after anything more than an FWB though

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By *uzy444Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

can only comment from my experiences, hope it might be useful..

i searched myself for what would suit me when i joined this scene.

i knew i didnt want a full time relationship. i decided mentally that i didnt have to do anything i didnt want to do. so i was in charge of my actions. and therefore i could feel good about them.

if i decided to meet, then i would see what the other person was offering before i made my decision.

i have got up and walked out of playing several times, if they are not making the effort, being disrespectful or treating me like a piece of meat. as for those i see regularly, we care about each other, we dont want full time relationships with each other, we just enjoy each others company and chemistry. ive never just fucked and gone, thats for some people, but not for me, but i make sure i check this out before i even consider meeting them.

all the while though, i have my original reasons for joining this scene in my knowledge. if you find the compatible people, it works well and feelings are ok to have..if you choose incompatible people, you are going to feel like shit afterwards no matter what..so identify what you want and then stick to the criteria you are happy with..its your life, body and rules x

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By *stral LoveWoman over a year ago

Dorset

I take my time getting to know potential playmates. Sorts the cocks from the dicks. NO to cold n calculating.learnt the hard way lol...It's not a dating site, but you are a real person,not a fuck Dolly. You Should be treated with respect, n feel desired. Try not to look, think so deeply. It's fun and horny. Don't let society define you. You are allowed to be sexual. X

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By *otgirl32Woman over a year ago

Ashton Under Lyne

It's all in the mind. For me, I never feel guilty. I love sex with different partners, I'm promiscuous by all standards, I enjoy men of different ages, races and even attached status and for me it's all pleasure.

I learnt some time ago however that some things are important for me. For me it's lots of passionate kissing and cuddling both before and after sex. So I take a long time before I meet someone for sex and all these preferences come out in the convo.

So far, have never felt "used" or like a piece of meat (well, except in group sex / GB situations which are Fab!). I take sex as something I have every right to enjoy and refuse to feel guilty about anything (even married men who I enjoy a lot).

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