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Relationship Support/Advice
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I could really do with some wise words of advice from established swinging couples to help me with with a problem.
In short, both me and my boyfriend have had singles accounts for a long time, we met on here in May and played as fbs for ages, going to clubs etc as well as normal vanilla stuff, until the point where we were together every weekend and most evenings and even been on holiday together. We couldn't deny that it wasn't a relationship anymore, and since September have agreed to only play with others when we go to clubs or have couples meets etc. I've had a blip though the last few weeks, where I've lost my confidence in sleeping with other men in front of him, as it feels sort of wrong. I know he doesn't mind me playing with guys, and its just getting used to these new emotions now I love him, but he's worried that it's changed for good and we won't ever be able to go to clubs together again.
Has anyone else been through anything similar? Will it get easier with time? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Take some time out to concentrate on each other. Then you can go back to swinging later. Get to knoe each other outside the eorld of swinging. A new relationship needs nurtured. Sure some couples have been able to go straight into swinging. But seems you might not be one of them. Build your foundation then you can add swinging on top x |
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"Take some time out to concentrate on each other. Then you can go back to swinging later. Get to knoe each other outside the eorld of swinging. A new relationship needs nurtured. Sure some couples have been able to go straight into swinging. But seems you might not be one of them. Build your foundation then you can add swinging on top x"
Thats good advice. Myself and Miss met on here as singles. When we realised we had fallen for each other we came away from for a while just to concentrate on our relationship. Then when we felt the time was right we joined as a couple. Best of luck. Jack. |
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"Thanks. It's good to hear from people that have met on here too. Was it weird going back to it after a break? X"
Actually no. We talked about it for a while and decided to give it a go. The thought of watching each other with other people turned us both on. We agreed to try it but if one of us wasnt happy then we'd stop. Thankfully it has worked out really well for us. As I'm sure many couples will agree, we are madly in love with each other and our sex life is great, its just an added extra we enjoy together. Jack. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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You do meet the happiest couples ever on the scene. I've always been envious of those sorts of relationships. I was so pleased to meet someone so like-minded and thought we had it made being able to swing together.
I just hope he changes his mind and gives me a chance to get my mojo back. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a rule we don't play with single men we met on fab too and ended up marrying each other but I would say that if one person in the couple has had previous partners cheat on them they find it difficult to trust anyone you need to make sure that he knows your with him no one else and at the end of it all your relationship needs to be rock solid to swing as it brings up a lot of emotions if we do decide to swing with single men then I prefer hubby to be with me for him to join in as well so not just me having fun and for my safety as well and we don't do separate rooms just our personal preference but each to their own.
I hope this post helps if one of you is jealous of the other it won't work.
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks guys. I dont think.its jealousy, just more like the fun of swinging has gone a little now I'm getting such great sex at home. I dont want to give it up, I just want to do it less.
A yeah, think I'm well and truely dumped, so not much I can do now anyway! |
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Me and cheeks met as singles on the site before making it official ... I was in denial for a long time
We took 6 months out to enjoy each other and just went to clubs and fucked each other's brains out ... ( I love being watched )
It took us a while to figure out where we were gradually girl on girl , soft swap blah blah before realising we were a full swap couple
For us it's about enhancing the already wicked sex life we have ...
Now we love nothing better than Kissin each other while fucking someone else
Although we have only full swapped twice getting the dynamics right for 4 people can be hard
Take your time ... |
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"If he dumped you because you don't want to swing them you are better off alone....
Swinging needs trust and understanding and he obviously has neither...."
We only have one side of this and it really isn't fair to make such assumptions about someone who hasn't had the opportunity to put his side of things. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If he dumped you because you don't want to swing them you are better off alone....
Swinging needs trust and understanding and he obviously has neither...."
How do you arrive at that conclusion?
The boyfriend obviously had a certain set of ideals when they got together as a couple. Through no fault of his own or the OP's (you can't help feelings and emotions) the dynamic of the relationship has now changed from what the boyfriend wanted.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If he dumped you because you don't want to swing them you are better off alone....
Swinging needs trust and understanding and he obviously has neither...."
Where does the op say she was dumped  |
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"If he dumped you because you don't want to swing them you are better off alone....
Swinging needs trust and understanding and he obviously has neither....
Where does the op say she was dumped "
A little way up the thread  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh no that's not good have you tried talking to him like many have said on here communication is the key to a happy relationship.
Can I suggest something and don't jump down my throat but have you thought about couples counselling such as relate I only say this as part of my training to be a counsellor I have to find out about the different agencies and found relate is counselling for couples.
Hope this helps
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is a bit like what I'm going through right now, I'm only meeting with a fabby friend, which is something we both want, now as much as I adore this guy I'm more than happy for him to play as a single guy also - it's what I'm used to in the past - but he's not sure he wants us to meet singly (due to his past relationship anxiety I'd find someone better etc) for the time being we've discussed not playing with anyone else which I'm fine with as not got the time to play with anyone else anyways and he doesn't want to be a hypocrite and doesn't want us to leave fab because of his feeling towards me meeting others. It's a wait and see situation I guess - until he feels comfortable with it. He's definitely worth it though  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP, take some time out, jealous thoughts have no place in playing situations, for you, your other half or indeed the other couple etc
Absolutely no need to retain a single profile either, so show some good intention, remove the single accounts, start a joint one and then before you involve anyone else in your play, work out your problems.
Xxx |
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We met on fab and both had single profiles before making our couple one ...we both agreed that we only wanted to soft swap and have bi fun and was not wanting to full swap at all .....we attend clubs on a regular basis and are having the time of our life as we are both happy with the rules we have in place ...go with what feels right and with rules in place what you are both comfortable with it will work out fine .....good luck xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP - hope you can sort it out. I was going to say, maybe just play with each other at clubs for now. When you feel more comfortable you could involve others. We've only got a couples account and only play together, that's just the way we've both always felt comfortable playing.
Sarah |
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I met someone in the scene and started seeing him and attending clubs...we didn't play with others...well he did when he went to the club on his own which I didn't mind...anyway it ended and he said that I should meet someone away from the scene as it's not healthy...well I think it can be very healthy but the most important thing you need is communication
Sorry that you were dumped I know how it feels and it sucks |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This is a bit like what I'm going through right now, I'm only meeting with a fabby friend, which is something we both want, now as much as I adore this guy I'm more than happy for him to play as a single guy also - it's what I'm used to in the past - but he's not sure he wants us to meet singly (due to his past relationship anxiety I'd find someone better etc) for the time being we've discussed not playing with anyone else which I'm fine with as not got the time to play with anyone else anyways and he doesn't want to be a hypocrite and doesn't want us to leave fab because of his feeling towards me meeting others. It's a wait and see situation I guess - until he feels comfortable with it. He's definitely worth it though "
Good luck to you and well done for sticking it out. If he's a good un it'll be worth it in the end x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I met someone in the scene and started seeing him and attending clubs...we didn't play with others...well he did when he went to the club on his own which I didn't mind...anyway it ended and he said that I should meet someone away from the scene as it's not healthy...well I think it can be very healthy but the most important thing you need is communication
Sorry that you were dumped I know how it feels and it sucks "
Poor you. I agree, I think once you've been a swinger there's no going back. It's highly unlikely that someone vanilla would accept what you've done in the past nevermind want to join in in the future! I live on hope that there's someone who wants tonlice the swinging dream with me lol x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OP - hope you can sort it out. I was going to say, maybe just play with each other at clubs for now. When you feel more comfortable you could involve others. We've only got a couples account and only play together, that's just the way we've both always felt comfortable playing.
Sarah "
Thanks Sarah. I've tried suggesting all sorts and he won't listen. Guess he just isn't as into me as I thought he was. X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for all your suggestions, it's been nice to read. Unfortunately hes not interested so nothing more I can say or do now. Feeling hurt and confused, but will bounce back I'm sure x
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"Thanks for all your suggestions, it's been nice to read. Unfortunately hes not interested so nothing more I can say or do now. Feeling hurt and confused, but will bounce back I'm sure x
"
You will feel hurt and confused and that's ok...mine ended 9 weeks ago and it's still all confusing if you ever need a shoulder you are more than welcome to PM me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is a bit like what I'm going through right now, I'm only meeting with a fabby friend, which is something we both want, now as much as I adore this guy I'm more than happy for him to play as a single guy also - it's what I'm used to in the past - but he's not sure he wants us to meet singly (due to his past relationship anxiety I'd find someone better etc) for the time being we've discussed not playing with anyone else which I'm fine with as not got the time to play with anyone else anyways and he doesn't want to be a hypocrite and doesn't want us to leave fab because of his feeling towards me meeting others. It's a wait and see situation I guess - until he feels comfortable with it. He's definitely worth it though
Good luck to you and well done for sticking it out. If he's a good un it'll be worth it in the end x"
Thank you, he absolutely is worth it. I'm sorry to hear your situation has changed. Crazy guy! Take time out and enjoy yourself! X |
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"If he dumped you because you don't want to swing them you are better off alone....
Swinging needs trust and understanding and he obviously has neither....
How do you arrive at that conclusion?
The boyfriend obviously had a certain set of ideals when they got together as a couple. Through no fault of his own or the OP's (you can't help feelings and emotions) the dynamic of the relationship has now changed from what the boyfriend wanted. "
I see that and no offense was meant to either party...
The op is obviously hurting and just wondered why a relationship that started on fab cannot continue without fab and swinging... It seems a shame that two people that found a connection can't work it out.... Swinging is a bonus to a relationship and surely not a stipulation... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've never seen a swinging relationship work! (Apart from one) lol....too much jealousy and drama going on. I do think it's hard to trust someone whose on the scene, and you've fallen for them. Maybe I've just seen too many disasters.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you, he absolutely is worth it. I'm sorry to hear your situation has changed. Crazy guy! Take time out and enjoy yourself! X "
So because the boyfriend had the decency to end the relationship with the OP because she changed the dynamic of it to something he was against, rather than go fucking around behind her back he's crazy is he? 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If he dumped you because you don't want to swing them you are better off alone....
Swinging needs trust and understanding and he obviously has neither....
How do you arrive at that conclusion?
The boyfriend obviously had a certain set of ideals when they got together as a couple. Through no fault of his own or the OP's (you can't help feelings and emotions) the dynamic of the relationship has now changed from what the boyfriend wanted.
I see that and no offense was meant to either party...
The op is obviously hurting and just wondered why a relationship that started on fab cannot continue without fab and swinging... It seems a shame that two people that found a connection can't work it out.... Swinging is a bonus to a relationship and surely not a stipulation..."
Because swinging was how they met and possibly the biggest thing they had in common with each other.
When they first started out it was going well judginhg by OP's comments. Then rightly or wrongly, her feelings took over and she changed what was clearly working for them.
In my opinion her fella absolutely did the right thing by ending something he didn't agree to or was what he wanted from a swinging relationship.
I don't think it's fair he should be called crazy or be accused of having no trust and understanding all because he was honest.
How many of you would be supporting the OP and saying she absolutely did the right thing if it was the boyfriend who tried to change the relationship to something she didn't agree to or want? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you, he absolutely is worth it. I'm sorry to hear your situation has changed. Crazy guy! Take time out and enjoy yourself! X
So because the boyfriend had the decency to end the relationship with the OP because she changed the dynamic of it to something he was against, rather than go fucking around behind her back he's crazy is he?
"
The relationship they had - being together most evenings, going on holiday together that would make me think he wanted a relationship too not just a swinging buddy, I said he was crazy because shes a physically attractive lady and had it been me I'd have at least discussed the whole aspect of our relationship before just breaking up with her. But hey I'm just a woman so who knows - hopefully if my man gets any second thoughts etc he'd discuss it with me as neither of us want to get hurt. |
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"Thank you, he absolutely is worth it. I'm sorry to hear your situation has changed. Crazy guy! Take time out and enjoy yourself! X
So because the boyfriend had the decency to end the relationship with the OP because she changed the dynamic of it to something he was against, rather than go fucking around behind her back he's crazy is he?
"
Goal posts changed in his eyes so I agree with you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you, he absolutely is worth it. I'm sorry to hear your situation has changed. Crazy guy! Take time out and enjoy yourself! X
So because the boyfriend had the decency to end the relationship with the OP because she changed the dynamic of it to something he was against, rather than go fucking around behind her back he's crazy is he?
The relationship they had - being together most evenings, going on holiday together that would make me think he wanted a relationship too not just a swinging buddy, I said he was crazy because shes a physically attractive lady and had it been me I'd have at least discussed the whole aspect of our relationship before just breaking up with her. But hey I'm just a woman so who knows - hopefully if my man gets any second thoughts etc he'd discuss it with me as neither of us want to get hurt. "
They got together on the basis they would be a full time swinging couple and laid out ground rules. Now the OP by her own admission doesn't want to do that as much anymore. Ergo, going back on what they agreed when getting together and playing as a couple. It isn't what he agreed to! It's not what he wants and it's entirely HIS choice and has been honest about it. You have no right to call him crazy, you certainly didn't reference her looks when calling him that, and since when was someones appearance a justifiable reason to stay with someone who isn't giving you what you want?
As for your comment about being a woman? What does that have anything to do with it? I didn't reply to you based on your gender so its a moot point |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Crikey people, don't argue over me! Blimey No one's in the right or wrong here. It's just a crap situation. Onwards and upwards. Life goes on and is certainly too short to bicker with people. X |
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I think that the OP has been given answers by him which is fair enough...it's when it's just ended without an explanation is the most damaging part...however communication is key in any relationship |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think that the OP has been given answers by him which is fair enough...it's when it's just ended without an explanation is the most damaging part...however communication is key in any relationship "
Exactly. I think I was hoping someone would say that it's normal to want your boyfriend more than anyone else in the early days of dating but that my normal nymph self would come back before long. If a man won't hang around to talk about it though, the relationship was bound to go wrong sooner or later, so it's probably for the best. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Crikey people, don't argue over me! Blimey No one's in the right or wrong here. It's just a crap situation. Onwards and upwards. Life goes on and is certainly too short to bicker with people. X"
Not arguing. I'm just not happy your ex is getting a slating by others for being totally honest with you for changing the basis of your relationship.
Yes, it's crap and I feel for you, you're not wrong for developing feelings for him. It happens, but its not like you wasn't aware of what he wanted/expected from your relationship.
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"I think that the OP has been given answers by him which is fair enough...it's when it's just ended without an explanation is the most damaging part...however communication is key in any relationship
Exactly. I think I was hoping someone would say that it's normal to want your boyfriend more than anyone else in the early days of dating but that my normal nymph self would come back before long. If a man won't hang around to talk about it though, the relationship was bound to go wrong sooner or later, so it's probably for the best. "
Give him some space and time he may have a rethink and decide to give it another go....I don't believe in this 30 day no contact bollocks but I do believe some time and space may put a new stance on it all... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No one can predict what someone else will do even people who have been together for years all you can do is make your best educated guess and hope it's the right one for your relationship. |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"Thanks for all your suggestions, it's been nice to read. Unfortunately hes not interested so nothing more I can say or do now. Feeling hurt and confused, but will bounce back I'm sure x
"
i cant believe he didnt give you the time to adjust..im really sorry. hugs xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Crikey people, don't argue over me! Blimey No one's in the right or wrong here. It's just a crap situation. Onwards and upwards. Life goes on and is certainly too short to bicker with people. X
Not arguing. I'm just not happy your ex is getting a slating by others for being totally honest with you for changing the basis of your relationship.
Yes, it's crap and I feel for you, you're not wrong for developing feelings for him. It happens, but its not like you wasn't aware of what he wanted/expected from your relationship.
"
No, I do agree with you. It was me that ruined it. It's not his fault at all. Wasn't looking to blame him was just clutching at straws for a solution. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Crikey people, don't argue over me! Blimey No one's in the right or wrong here. It's just a crap situation. Onwards and upwards. Life goes on and is certainly too short to bicker with people. X
Not arguing. I'm just not happy your ex is getting a slating by others for being totally honest with you for changing the basis of your relationship.
Yes, it's crap and I feel for you, you're not wrong for developing feelings for him. It happens, but its not like you wasn't aware of what he wanted/expected from your relationship.
No, I do agree with you. It was me that ruined it. It's not his fault at all. Wasn't looking to blame him was just clutching at straws for a solution. "
Is it not possible to go back to your previous dynamic? Or is the whole thing beyond salvage now? Are you still even talking? |
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He told you the reasons why...and that is because you backed up from what was agreed between the two of you, cannot see why he is at fault at all,in fact i cannot understand why you don't understand his choice that he prefer to find somebody else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He told you the reasons why...and that is because you backed up from what was agreed between the two of you, cannot see why he is at fault at all,in fact i cannot understand why you don't understand his choice that he prefer to find somebody else."
You do realise most relationships change? To survive they have to evolve through communication, understanding and often compromise or sacrifice by one or both partners. Imho you appear to be putting the OP at fault in defence of her OH. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He told you the reasons why...and that is because you backed up from what was agreed between the two of you, cannot see why he is at fault at all,in fact i cannot understand why you don't understand his choice that he prefer to find somebody else."
I find this quite insensitive she never blamed him shes just upset with the situation don't you remember being dumped its not nice try to be more understanding of what shes going through
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"He told you the reasons why...and that is because you backed up from what was agreed between the two of you, cannot see why he is at fault at all,in fact i cannot understand why you don't understand his choice that he prefer to find somebody else.
I find this quite insensitive she never blamed him shes just upset
with the situation don't you remember being dumped its not nice
try to be more understanding of what shes going through
"
Thanks guys x |
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