FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Feeling Shallow
Feeling Shallow
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have just upset a guy but being really blunt.
In real life I think I am nice person so I feel really bad for upsetting his feelings.
How do you say your not interested gently?
I pretty much said said that I am looking for super hot guys as that makes Mr T jealous which really turns him on as he likes to watch me with them..
So much easier in clubs as it can be the personality that is the deal breaker for me but so much harder online..
S |
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I just say I'm really sorry, they aren't my type. Then for all he knows you could have a really weird type - like prince Charles lookalikes only.
They can't complain really then, but some still do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have just upset a guy but being really blunt.
In real life I think I am nice person so I feel really bad for upsetting his feelings.
How do you say your not interested gently?
I pretty much said said that I am looking for super hot guys as that makes Mr T jealous which really turns him on as he likes to watch me with them..
So much easier in clubs as it can be the personality that is the deal breaker for me but so much harder online..
S"
I wouldn't worry about it to much but possibly a simple you are not what I'm looking for would have been enough without divulging why. I would imagine some people are sensitive and do get upset about rejection on here x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't feel the need to tell people why I'm not interested in them, I think it's completely unnecessary and a bit harsh. So I either just delete or give a simple no thanks message. If they come back wanting to know why, I'd just delete that. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Ouch...yeah, that is a tough one, especially when you're not wanting the 'But, but, but...' messages to come back a hundred times.
Send him my way, I'll be his shoulder to cry on  "
Will do. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't feel the need to tell people why I'm not interested in them, I think it's completely unnecessary and a bit harsh. So I either just delete or give a simple no thanks message. If they come back wanting to know why, I'd just delete that."
Thank you all great advice. |
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It's Mr here. We singles and couples. I agree in clubs it's easier to connect. However I think the volume of single guys in here with littke or no grasp of how to approach swinging ( or trying to get a fuck) has increased. We have been here 7 years an still love fab. However of late the block button has been used due to complete lack of initiative and at least trying to make an effort |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a single not so hot guy I concur that it is easier to connect to couples and single females at a social over a drink and find that common ground and the spark needed |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I say either no thank you or sorry, not what I'm looking for. I've had a couple of people ask what I'm looking for, but most reply with a thanks for replying. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have just upset a guy but being really blunt.
In real life I think I am nice person so I feel really bad for upsetting his feelings.
How do you say your not interested gently?
I pretty much said said that I am looking for super hot guys as that makes Mr T jealous which really turns him on as he likes to watch me with them..
So much easier in clubs as it can be the personality that is the deal breaker for me but so much harder online..
S"
What exactly did you say to the guy? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If he's not got thick skin and able to shrug it off, then tbh he won't last on here and enjoy it anyway.
As a couple we get rejected by couples we're not suited to. Move on and upwards as i'm waxing for no one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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He'll get over it, life goes on. Don't worry about it some people can't take rejection....
so you wasn't interested in me why? 
Haha.. just playing..
honestly doesn't make you a mean person hun & don't let anyone guilt trip you either. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My classic reply which I think is about right is simply: 'good luck with your search on fab -take care'. It is polite and a kind brush off.
Never had any abusive replies to that one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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if they approach nicely
'thanks for the message and as flattering as the attention is, I'm not really looking for .......... right now sorry.
sure plenty of folk on fab will be though  good luck X'
if they approach me in a way I deem rude..just ignore and block.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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yep...the only abusive replies we've had have generally been when we give reasons for them not being for us...especially the supposed dom types...
we just say thanks for the interest, you're not for us and happy swinging... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Did you actually say that you're not interested because you're looking for super hot guys!?
That's way harsh! "
If she did indeed say that, then she needs a severe reality check... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Did you actually say that you're not interested because you're looking for super hot guys!?
That's way harsh!
If she did indeed say that, then she needs a severe reality check..."
Why does she, if that's what she is looking for? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Did you actually say that you're not interested because you're looking for super hot guys!?
That's way harsh!
If she did indeed say that, then she needs a severe reality check...
Why does she, if that's what she is looking for? "
There's a massive difference saying...
"You're not what we're looking for, thanks"
And
"Sorry, we're looking for super hot guys" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a guy who mostly does get rejected on a daily bassis lol i wouldnt worrie about hurtung his feelings tbh....
You havr a type which you state if he thinks he fits that bill and gets rejected well pucker up bigboy and join the thousands on here who get rejected daily cus they aint what they think they are...
Im sure hell unblock you in a day ir two when he realises your horny pics helps him cum on his catch mat |
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"As a guy who mostly does get rejected on a daily bassis lol i wouldnt worrie about hurtung his feelings tbh....
You havr a type which you state if he thinks he fits that bill and gets rejected well pucker up bigboy and join the thousands on here who get rejected daily cus they aint what they think they are...
Im sure hell unblock you in a day ir two when he realises your horny pics helps him cum on his catch mat "
I don't see why you get rejected - you're a handsome chap |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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To be honest I was trying to explain that it makes my man jealous and turned on to see me with hot guys.. But your right it was harsh and agree I shouldn't have written it ..
Thanks for all your advice xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most important thing to realise is that "super hot" or "attractive" is only ever in the eyes of the beholder. So always make it absolutely clear that you're not suggesting they are objectively unattractive (that's the comment that stings) only that they're not your cup of tea or not what you're looking for. It's all about you and your needs... Not them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes. Saying that would imply that he is not hot. Nobody wants to hear that. I can understand the hurt feelings on his part. Though, I do think that wasn't your intent, given the guilt you are feeling OP. Like others have said, I used to say, " thank you for the message, but you are not my type, I'm afraid. Take care"... Very rarely did anyone write back "why?" After I said that. |
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"Yes. Saying that would imply that he is not hot. Nobody wants to hear that. I can understand the hurt feelings on his part. Though, I do think that wasn't your intent, given the guilt you are feeling OP. Like others have said, I used to say, " thank you for the message, but you are not my type, I'm afraid. Take care"... Very rarely did anyone write back "why?" After I said that. "
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"I don't feel the need to tell people why I'm not interested in them, I think it's completely unnecessary and a bit harsh. So I either just delete or give a simple no thanks message. If they come back wanting to know why, I'd just delete that.
Thank you all great advice."
Just say you were only interested in guys with 14 inch cocks - either he sends you a pic with 2 sky remotes on top of each other as evidence - in which case you may change your mind and want to meet him! Or he thinks fair enough I've got one chance and moves on! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't feel the need to tell people why I'm not interested in them, I think it's completely unnecessary and a bit harsh. So I either just delete or give a simple no thanks message. If they come back wanting to know why, I'd just delete that.
Thank you all great advice.
Just say you were only interested in guys with 14 inch cocks - either he sends you a pic with 2 sky remotes on top of each other as evidence - in which case you may change your mind and want to meet him! Or he thinks fair enough I've got one chance and moves on!"
Ha ha, thats a great response, might use that.. |
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"I have just upset a guy but being really blunt.
In real life I think I am nice person so I feel really bad for upsetting his feelings.
How do you say your not interested gently?
I pretty much said said that I am looking for super hot guys as that makes Mr T jealous which really turns him on as he likes to watch me with them..
So much easier in clubs as it can be the personality that is the deal breaker for me but so much harder online..
S"
Just a thought, but interesting that you're making Mr T jealous with very hot guys. I'd have thought it would be obvious you'd be attracted to super hot guys, and he'd be more jealous if he was watching you with less attractive guys. No? |
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By *adenceWoman
over a year ago
North Lincolnshire |
I agree; the 'why' unnecessary, as I'm only one person and everyone has different views/ criteria, etc. My standard response, irrespective of reason is:
"I'm ever so sorry but don't wish to chat. I do hope you're enjoying the site though and appreciate your message. Take care. xx".
C xx
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
As an occasional recipient of all kinds of brush-off, including  , there is always a moment of frustration (after all, our hopes are already up a little as there actually IS a reply..), so the best you can do as a rejector is to minimise the length of the moment.
Which probably is a cut and pasted one line of blandness, to be honest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's okay you doing that as from your pictures, you look well above average for your age, but I don't agree with women who aren't attractive at all (even speaking objectively) having extremely high demands. They should better understand what their equivalent is. |
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
"It's okay you doing that as from your pictures, you look well above average for your age, but I don't agree with women who aren't attractive at all (even speaking objectively) having extremely high demands. They should better understand what their equivalent is."
Isn't swinging at least partly about variety and fantasy fulfilment?
If I want to try and bat above my average, why the fuck shouldn't i?
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"It's okay you doing that as from your pictures, you look well above average for your age, but I don't agree with women who aren't attractive at all (even speaking objectively) having extremely high demands. They should better understand what their equivalent is."
I just can't..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's okay you doing that as from your pictures, you look well above average for your age, but I don't agree with women who aren't attractive at all (even speaking objectively) having extremely high demands. They should better understand what their equivalent is."
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's okay you doing that as from your pictures, you look well above average for your age, but I don't agree with women who aren't attractive at all (even speaking objectively) having extremely high demands. They should better understand what their equivalent is."
I didn't think my opinion of you could get any lower. I was wrong. |
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"I don't feel the need to tell people why I'm not interested in them, I think it's completely unnecessary and a bit harsh. So I either just delete or give a simple no thanks message. If they come back wanting to know why, I'd just delete that."
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By *100Man
over a year ago
Essex |
I remember being told your lovely but its not you its me I'm a really horribly person and I don't want to hurt you and crush your dreams.
I know its was a bit heavy and only after two dates and there's plenty more fish in the sea to enjoy isn't there. |
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Yes - saying " your not for me, I like good looking people with a nice personality" is definitely not a good idea ! lol
Remember lot's just delete, so a simple no thanks is better than lots give xx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's okay you doing that as from your pictures, you look well above average for your age, but I don't agree with women who aren't attractive at all (even speaking objectively) having extremely high demands. They should better understand what their equivalent is."
I'm guessing you post things like this to get a rise out of people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have just upset a guy but being really blunt.
In real life I think I am nice person so I feel really bad for upsetting his feelings.
How do you say your not interested gently?
I pretty much said said that I am looking for super hot guys as that makes Mr T jealous which really turns him on as he likes to watch me with them..
So much easier in clubs as it can be the personality that is the deal breaker for me but so much harder online..
S"
An old adage, diplomacy gets you out of what tact would have kept you out.
Personaly I'd have used a softer phraseology to say no thank you.
Even a message delete and block would have been more pleasant.
On the flipside, you seem genuinely contrite, so I'd suggest you already know it was a tad harsh. I doubt you'll be so casual with words again.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's okay you doing that as from your pictures, you look well above average for your age, but I don't agree with women who aren't attractive at all (even speaking objectively) having extremely high demands. They should better understand what their equivalent is.
I didn't think my opinion of you could get any lower. I was wrong. "
That's okay.
Have you not got pressing political commentary to be getting on with though? - "if it like a duck it's prob a duck"...
Paxman should be fearing for his job security.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's okay you doing that as from your pictures, you look well above average for your age, but I don't agree with women who aren't attractive at all (even speaking objectively) having extremely high demands. They should better understand what their equivalent is.
I didn't think my opinion of you could get any lower. I was wrong.
That's okay.
Have you not got pressing political commentary to be getting on with though? - "if it like a duck it's prob a duck"...
Paxman should be fearing for his job security.
"
A good communicator will realise that to get his message across he will need to dumb it down so the recipient can understand it. |
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OP, I really don't think I could get upset at being described as "less than super-hot" by you or anyone else on here.
If you said I couldn't even make it to "just regular hot" though, I might just have to run away from Fabs crying. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have just upset a guy but being really blunt.
In real life I think I am nice person so I feel really bad for upsetting his feelings.
How do you say your not interested gently?
I pretty much said said that I am looking for super hot guys as that makes Mr T jealous which really turns him on as he likes to watch me with them..
So much easier in clubs as it can be the personality that is the deal breaker for me but so much harder online..
S"
Before you say something to someone else, say it to yourself first.
Does it sound great? Say it.
Does it sound shitty? Rephrase it or keep shtumm. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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a simple not for us was our reply - we had a couple in the past who asked about 3 or 4 times after that what exactly was - ended up hitting the block button |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ouch...yeah, that is a tough one, especially when you're not wanting the 'But, but, but...' messages to come back a hundred times.
Send him my way, I'll be his shoulder to cry on "
So kind |
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By *ay19720Man
over a year ago
Ashford kent |
"It's okay you doing that as from your pictures, you look well above average for your age, but I don't agree with women who aren't attractive at all (even speaking objectively) having extremely high demands. They should better understand what their equivalent is."
You do realise u said this out loud....lmfao |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't feel the need to tell people why I'm not interested in them, I think it's completely unnecessary and a bit harsh. So I either just delete or give a simple no thanks message. If they come back wanting to know why, I'd just delete that."
Good point nobody has to justify why they aren't interested in somebody, however, if you could fill in my feedback questionnaire and return it using the pre paid envelope provided it would be appreciated  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"a simple not for us was our reply - we had a couple in the past who asked about 3 or 4 times after that what exactly was - ended up hitting the block button"
Some people just can't take no for an answer |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's okay you doing that as from your pictures, you look well above average for your age, but I don't agree with women who aren't attractive at all (even speaking objectively) having extremely high demands. They should better understand what their equivalent is.
You do realise u said this out loud....lmfao"
I've lost count of the number I've asked admin for a facepalm emoji.
#much needed.
Some people wonder why they can't get a meet....... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I asked him if his dad had used it on his mum. Apparently he is an orphan. And I got blocked! Touchy..."
Ouch!.... So apparently we all need to be psychic on this site too... Oh the pressure! |
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By *ucyfur77Woman
over a year ago
Pleasuretown |
"It's okay you doing that as from your pictures, you look well above average for your age, but I don't agree with women who aren't attractive at all (even speaking objectively) having extremely high demands. They should better understand what their equivalent is."
*facepalm* |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's okay you doing that as from your pictures, you look well above average for your age, but I don't agree with women who aren't attractive at all (even speaking objectively) having extremely high demands. They should better understand what their equivalent is."
Why? So you can get a look in? Sorry, but if a woman can get the guy she wants on here, she's going for it. Sorry if that makes you a little bitter. But that's the nature of the site I'm afraid. |
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By *c-ukMan
over a year ago
Sevenoaks |
"I have just upset a guy but being really blunt.
In real life I think I am nice person so I feel really bad for upsetting his feelings.
How do you say your not interested gently?
I pretty much said said that I am looking for super hot guys as that makes Mr T jealous which really turns him on as he likes to watch me with them..
So much easier in clubs as it can be the personality that is the deal breaker for me but so much harder online..
S"
I'm confused, wouldn't a super hot guy want a super hot woman.. Not just a plain average lass ??? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have just upset a guy but being really blunt.
In real life I think I am nice person so I feel really bad for upsetting his feelings.
How do you say your not interested gently?
I pretty much said said that I am looking for super hot guys as that makes Mr T jealous which really turns him on as he likes to watch me with them..
So much easier in clubs as it can be the personality that is the deal breaker for me but so much harder online..
S
I'm confused, wouldn't a super hot guy want a super hot woman.. Not just a plain average lass ???"
It's not about what the OP wants, it's about how she phrased the rebuttal.
Clearer now? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't feel the need to tell people why I'm not interested in them, I think it's completely unnecessary and a bit harsh. So I either just delete or give a simple no thanks message. If they come back wanting to know why, I'd just delete that."
Nice. I do the same. I genuinely think alot of women on here are not used to any kind of attention and get a little ahead of themselves because of the favorable ratios. Getting a few messages from horny men does not mean you're gods gift. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have just upset a guy but being really blunt.
In real life I think I am nice person so I feel really bad for upsetting his feelings.
How do you say your not interested gently?
I pretty much said said that I am looking for super hot guys as that makes Mr T jealous which really turns him on as he likes to watch me with them..
So much easier in clubs as it can be the personality that is the deal breaker for me but so much harder online..
S
I'm confused, wouldn't a super hot guy want a super hot woman.. Not just a plain average lass ???"
As an average women I can only try my luck!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Did you actually say that you're not interested because you're looking for super hot guys!?
That's way harsh! "
Why not go the whole hog and suggest he looks like a pig but might do better with David Cameron? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Nice. I do the same. I genuinely think alot of women on here are not used to any kind of attention and get a little ahead of themselves because of the favorable ratios. Getting a few messages from horny men does not mean you're gods gift."
Exactly this. The lack of self-awareness from some of them is staggering. |
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By *c-ukMan
over a year ago
Sevenoaks |
"I have just upset a guy but being really blunt.
In real life I think I am nice person so I feel really bad for upsetting his feelings.
How do you say your not interested gently?
I pretty much said said that I am looking for super hot guys as that makes Mr T jealous which really turns him on as he likes to watch me with them..
So much easier in clubs as it can be the personality that is the deal breaker for me but so much harder online..
S
I'm confused, wouldn't a super hot guy want a super hot woman.. Not just a plain average lass ???
As an average women I can only try my luck!!!"
You will probably get no replies or just deleted |
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"I have just upset a guy but being really blunt.
In real life I think I am nice person so I feel really bad for upsetting his feelings.
How do you say your not interested gently?
I pretty much said said that I am looking for super hot guys as that makes Mr T jealous which really turns him on as he likes to watch me with them..
So much easier in clubs as it can be the personality that is the deal breaker for me but so much harder online..
S"
Trust me I'd much prefer to get a message back saying that than be completely ignored! X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have just upset a guy but being really blunt.
In real life I think I am nice person so I feel really bad for upsetting his feelings.
How do you say your not interested gently?
I pretty much said said that I am looking for super hot guys as that makes Mr T jealous which really turns him on as he likes to watch me with them..
So much easier in clubs as it can be the personality that is the deal breaker for me but so much harder online..
S
I'm confused, wouldn't a super hot guy want a super hot woman.. Not just a plain average lass ???
As an average women I can only try my luck!!!
You will probably get no replies or just deleted "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have just upset a guy but being really blunt.
In real life I think I am nice person so I feel really bad for upsetting his feelings.
How do you say your not interested gently?
I pretty much said said that I am looking for super hot guys as that makes Mr T jealous which really turns him on as he likes to watch me with them..
So much easier in clubs as it can be the personality that is the deal breaker for me but so much harder online..
S
I'm confused, wouldn't a super hot guy want a super hot woman.. Not just a plain average lass ???
As an average women I can only try my luck!!!
You will probably get no replies or just deleted "
You can't see her face properly, so you don't know if she's a 'plain lass'  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have just upset a guy but being really blunt.
In real life I think I am nice person so I feel really bad for upsetting his feelings.
How do you say your not interested gently?
I pretty much said said that I am looking for super hot guys as that makes Mr T jealous which really turns him on as he likes to watch me with them..
So much easier in clubs as it can be the personality that is the deal breaker for me but so much harder online..
S
I'm confused, wouldn't a super hot guy want a super hot woman.. Not just a plain average lass ???
As an average women I can only try my luck!!!
You will probably get no replies or just deleted
You can't see her face properly, so you don't know if she's a 'plain lass' "
He can send me a message will send him a face pic, for him to decide how average I am  |
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By *c-ukMan
over a year ago
Sevenoaks |
"I have just upset a guy but being really blunt.
In real life I think I am nice person so I feel really bad for upsetting his feelings.
How do you say your not interested gently?
I pretty much said said that I am looking for super hot guys as that makes Mr T jealous which really turns him on as he likes to watch me with them..
So much easier in clubs as it can be the personality that is the deal breaker for me but so much harder online..
S
I'm confused, wouldn't a super hot guy want a super hot woman.. Not just a plain average lass ???
As an average women I can only try my luck!!!
You will probably get no replies or just deleted
You can't see her face properly, so you don't know if she's a 'plain lass'
He can send me a message will send him a face pic, for him to decide how average I am "
twas only a joke... just made me laugh that you told the guy you were only looking for super hot guys... So by definition the guy you were talking to was not super hot (poor chap).
If you dish it out you have to be able to take it, surely?? Just so you know I actually thought your pictures were smoking... but don't you dare tell anyone I said that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a regular rejected male any nice reply "sorry not for me" or even "no thanks" is fine. The worst is when there is a conversation started along the lines of "why do you think I would want to go out with you?"
Worst turn down so far has been"Fuck off baldy"  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have just upset a guy but being really blunt.
In real life I think I am nice person so I feel really bad for upsetting his feelings.
How do you say your not interested gently?
I pretty much said said that I am looking for super hot guys as that makes Mr T jealous which really turns him on as he likes to watch me with them..
So much easier in clubs as it can be the personality that is the deal breaker for me but so much harder online..
S
I'm confused, wouldn't a super hot guy want a super hot woman.. Not just a plain average lass ???
As an average women I can only try my luck!!!
You will probably get no replies or just deleted
You can't see her face properly, so you don't know if she's a 'plain lass'
He can send me a message will send him a face pic, for him to decide how average I am
twas only a joke... just made me laugh that you told the guy you were only looking for super hot guys... So by definition the guy you were talking to was not super hot (poor chap).
If you dish it out you have to be able to take it, surely?? Just so you know I actually thought your pictures were smoking... but don't you dare tell anyone I said that "
I actually felt awful after I wrote it but hopefully I have learn't my lesson. I do try and reply and promise to be more tactful in the future. )
I like to take it  |
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"It's okay you doing that as from your pictures, you look well above average for your age, but I don't agree with women who aren't attractive at all (even speaking objectively) having extremely high demands. They should better understand what their equivalent is."
out of the mouths of babes........
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