FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Do women message men?
Do women message men?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm sure there are dozens of men for every woman here and it seems women get swamped with messages, so women of course can be as picky as they wish. Fair enough market forces and all that. So with you women just doing bulk delete without reading messages, you have no need to send any messages yourself. The question is do you?
I suppose I'm wondering if there's actually any point to site, because I'll be honest I find it rather boring, and right now I could be watching 'Mock the Week' rather than typing this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i used to.
i've realised a lot of men don't get much attention online, therefore they might only be talking to me out of desperation. so no, i stopped doing that now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do send message if I happen to read a status that some guy has put on his profile that I feel the need to respond to but this is on the local updates.
I also message if i have come across a particularly sexy photo of a guy.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"i used to.
i've realised a lot of men don't get much attention online, therefore they might only be talking to me out of desperation. so no, i stopped doing that now."
That's something that hadn't occurred to me but with respect it does highlight that this whole malarkey is fundamentally flawed. |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
Very rarely in our experience, more likely to get a wink if your lucky. We think it's a real shame more don't, but then they don't have to by and large & they have to deal with the single guys & we don't. Spoke to one stunning forumite on this very subject & she said she never sends first messages due to possible rejection & how that would affect her.
I think she may have been slightly taken aback when I replied that no its not much fun getting them tbh..
Whilst many ladies will not send them for this reason probably the same ladies will think nothing of block erasing their unread message files..
Just one of the things you get used to or you just fuck off and leave. Don't get me wrong I'm not complaining just stating what I think are facts. We got around this mostly by living on the forums & not messaging any non forumites & are happy with where we are after nearly five months on Fab
S |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I sometimes send a message to a guy if something about their profile catches my eye, or I will wink them. And 95% of the time I never hear back from them  |
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"Sometimes I even send messages to people on here while I'm watching Mock The Week..."
Yes but that's multi tasking!
Clearly the OP can't do that... which could be a concern in the bedroom 
I never message a guy first in relation to a meet. I sometimes message about a status /comment but that is all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm sure there are dozens of men for every woman here and it seems women get swamped with messages, so women of course can be as picky as they wish. Fair enough market forces and all that. So with you women just doing bulk delete without reading messages, you have no need to send any messages yourself. The question is do you?
I suppose I'm wondering if there's actually any point to site, because I'll be honest I find it rather boring, and right now I could be watching 'Mock the Week' rather than typing this. "
I do.
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"I'm sure there are dozens of men for every woman here and it seems women get swamped with messages, so women of course can be as picky as they wish. Fair enough market forces and all that. So with you women just doing bulk delete without reading messages, you have no need to send any messages yourself. The question is do you?
I suppose I'm wondering if there's actually any point to site, because I'll be honest I find it rather boring, and right now I could be watching 'Mock the Week' rather than typing this. "
yes they do OP in my experience couples to by the way,but OP and all the guys in here for that matter who say its very rare its not that rare fellas.
if you want to be noticed and messaged your going to have to express yourselves in the forums fellas .
now not in sycophantic way but with your true voice .
yes if you do that some are going to disagree with you and yes you will at times be asked to explain yourself god I know because I'm often answering follow up questions to my more controversial forum posts. but trust me guys if you do this and can keep your cool when someone with a axe to grind comes at you which they will if you take this route ,
then slowly over time people will see you for the person you truly are and at that point those who find you interests more often than not funny more often than not will start to message you .
here's the absolute truth fellas I rarely trawl profiles so due to that fact I don't send fishing messages . I will message due to a status update if I have anything to say on that update and I will message due to a forum post and you know something fellas I do rather well
don't let my lack of veri make you think otherwise I'm not a fan of the system as I find it can cause more trouble than good in a lot of cases.
I've took this approach since day one of joining OP and you know what I get winked at friend invites and messages so to those who say rarely I say this advertise your true voice in the forums yes some shit will come your way for doing that but trust me the fun that comes out of doing that far out numbers the negatives of such a approach to site life and having those all important naught fun filthy adventures . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have and will send a message if the profile attracts me. Won't if it's just a cock pic and nothing else. Find a lot of the profile names that guys have puts me off too.
I hate when guys send a one liner with no thought to it and clearly have not read my profile either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had a few. And from couples. And a few lovely meets as a result. But it's rare - doesn't happen very often. Keep being positive - make yourself visible and I'm sure the contact will come.
Good luck my friend!  |
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By *ost SockMan
over a year ago
West Wales and Cardiff |
It does happen.
I still do a little dance of joy and possibly a celebratory wank when it does, but it does happen .
It won't if the slightest bit of negativity creeps in in someone's posts or profiles though ; |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've messaged only two guys. First got a massive ego because a woman contacted him that he was the complete opposite of how his profile depicted. The second guy got so excited that he instantly began telling me what he wanted to do sexually on his reply. Both got blocked. So now I only do clubs no private meets due to the messages people send me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do sometimes if I'm feeling in a naughty way and see where it leads but it's only in a blue moon, normally just chat to them at a club but sometimes a profile catches my eye and I send a message. Me. Xx |
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By *reykiwi500Man
over a year ago
West Kent (near Tonbridge) |
I get messaged/winked more than I message/wink, although I have to stress the counts of both are very low compared to what I imagine most receive or send, before anyone thinks I'm bragging
I know with the sheers numbers on here they don't need to be, but overall I wish women were more proactive if they want to contact a guy. I enjoy receiving messages and love a pleasant conversation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've blocked everyone and message guys myself, wouldn't get meets otherwise and it works very well for me. I always hated all the crude messages, some abusive ones and some constantly pestering me but now I get none of that and its great! Very few male profiles are that good they entice me to message but the ones that are really stand out. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I message men, women and couples if something they post in the forum interests me or their photos are particularly interesting. In my experience it's mainly couples I struggle with and that's resulted in me not messaging first any more. I much prefer the dynamic of talking to one and not dealing with different tones from two different people. So in summation, yes, I message first. |
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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago
not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds) |
"I'm sure there are dozens of men for every woman here and it seems women get swamped with messages, so women of course can be as picky as they wish. Fair enough market forces and all that. So with you women just doing bulk delete without reading messages, you have no need to send any messages yourself. The question is do you?
I suppose I'm wondering if there's actually any point to site, because I'll be honest I find it rather boring, and right now I could be watching 'Mock the Week' rather than typing this. "
I agree there are loads more guys than ladies..
Ladies might be choosy ... You do know Guys have the same choicese to say yes or no as well,
Ladies do message guys first... You have to tick their boxes and if you do you'll get a surprise in your inbox.. likewise they should tick yours
If you're not having fun... Change something |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have done.
I send a lot of messages to ladies that's more 'chat' or a compliment.
There was one particular fella that was like a leech. He thought that was it we were 'FB 4 LYF' and it kinda put me off |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Last two messages (first messages, not replies) are from women. One in response to a forum post...one more local and expressing interest.
So yes OP. They do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have only sent a couple without them contacting me first...don't really have time to browse n message as my inbox is usually bloody carnage already...but the last one I messaged, I thought I would get knocked back, but he is now my very regular fwb  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I message guys, mostly those who have browsed my profile and have pique my interest after reading their profile in return. I also block those who I have no interest in meeting for whatever reason, (smokers for example). I read all messages I get, and will respond with at least a 'Thanks for the message' back, unless of course, the original message was rude, inappropriate or unintelligible. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have done.
I send a lot of messages to ladies that's more 'chat' or a compliment.
There was one particular fella that was like a leech. He thought that was it we were 'FB 4 LYF' and it kinda put me off "
This is what puts me off sending a first message. I'd not want something to think that because I messaged, showing interest, it was a done deal that we would have sex. Some people assume that just by me responding to their message. |
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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago
not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds) |
"I have done.
I send a lot of messages to ladies that's more 'chat' or a compliment.
There was one particular fella that was like a leech. He thought that was it we were 'FB 4 LYF' and it kinda put me off
This is what puts me off sending a first message. I'd not want something to think that because I messaged, showing interest, it was a done deal that we would have sex. Some people assume that just by me responding to their message. "
I gotta ask ..what's the difference in sending a message first initiating a conversation and replying to a message and continuing a conversation...
They can both lead to something or nothing ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I mostly receive winks from women and I return the compliments with a polite message of appreciation which in the normal world should attract an appreciative response back but sadly NO RESPONSE!
It makes me wonder why the wink in the first place?
Unlucky for me I tend to receive messages from men instead. That is increasing pushing me through the exit door here because I share a different belief. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a shame more women don't message first, I get some but not that many. They are nearly always in response to forum posts or status updates though.
There is a good dating app which only allows women to message first, the catch being that they have a time limit on being able to do so before the guy they matched with is deleted from their matches. From a guys point of view its great as if you get a message you know they at least have some interest in you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have done.
I send a lot of messages to ladies that's more 'chat' or a compliment.
There was one particular fella that was like a leech. He thought that was it we were 'FB 4 LYF' and it kinda put me off
This is what puts me off sending a first message. I'd not want something to think that because I messaged, showing interest, it was a done deal that we would have sex. Some people assume that just by me responding to their message.
I gotta ask ..what's the difference in sending a message first initiating a conversation and replying to a message and continuing a conversation...
They can both lead to something or nothing ?"
But if you send the message first then it looks like it's a done deal... as opposed to replying to an opening mail |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a shame more women don't message first, I get some but not that many. They are nearly always in response to forum posts or status updates though.
There is a good dating app which only allows women to message first, the catch being that they have a time limit on being able to do so before the guy they matched with is deleted from their matches. From a guys point of view its great as if you get a message you know they at least have some interest in you. "
What's it called |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Very rarely.
Experience has shown me that most men on here lie on their Profiles - they write what they think sounds good - not what they really want. So if you respond to their Profile - you just find that they're completely different, or they want very different things.
Been bitten by that one too many times to risk it again, no matter how much I'd like to....
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Yes! Some do message but there has to be a good reason for it, and even then, most are kind of weird/uneasy about it.
I get a message maybe once a day or so. When I used to be on here a lot, I used to get "I'm sorry for messaging you, I hope you don't mind. Blah blah blah...". As if I'd mind!
Anyway, yes they do message, but they tend to be very reserved about it. |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"I've messaged only two guys. First got a massive ego because a woman contacted him that he was the complete opposite of how his profile depicted. The second guy got so excited that he instantly began telling me what he wanted to do sexually on his reply. Both got blocked. So now I only do clubs no private meets due to the messages people send me. "
that's rather sad darling I do wish you would reconsider yes there are a lot of fuck wits on here but still there are a few articulate intelligent gents on here to you know .  |
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
I'm obviously not a single woman but as a couple, we prefer to search and send first messages. We usually have our filter on and go looking ourselves.
Most of the men, we've met, have been those we've contacted first.
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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago
not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds) |
"I have done.
I send a lot of messages to ladies that's more 'chat' or a compliment.
There was one particular fella that was like a leech. He thought that was it we were 'FB 4 LYF' and it kinda put me off
This is what puts me off sending a first message. I'd not want something to think that because I messaged, showing interest, it was a done deal that we would have sex. Some people assume that just by me responding to their message.
I gotta ask ..what's the difference in sending a message first initiating a conversation and replying to a message and continuing a conversation...
They can both lead to something or nothing ?
But if you send the message first then it looks like it's a done deal... as opposed to replying to an opening mail "
I'm not a lady so I'll go with that logic .... Not sure an opening message unless it's "you asked ...so let's fu*k now" doesn't imply a done deal..
Each to their own.. if I see a profile that interests me I send a message, I've received messages from ladies so I guess I interested them.. some have led somewhere others haven't... It's one of the reasons I always suggest folk have the best profile they can ...they dogenerate interest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not been here long and don't use the site that often but I see its potential in the longerterm.
I would say most local genuine women will reply to a message rather than send.
I may send maybe 2 or 3 messages over a number of weeks to someone I would like to chat too. If there is no response I just knock'em off the hot list not because they don't answer, just so I don't message them again because nobody like a pest !
But there are a few attention seekers here along with a few fakes but it don't take long to work them out and block those ones asap.
Any network is what you want to make it put the effort in your will build trust and a platform that suits you. Be half hearted or superior then you will be 'fucked' but not in the way this site was intended  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tend to use the chatrooms and have received messages of women who i've seen in there or who know me via friend off a friend sort of deal.
Always nice to receive a message - and not all are looking to meet. Some are just to say hi and thanks or chat etc
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By *isa 59Woman
over a year ago
Newcastle |
I've never done a block delete.
I do send out initial messages and have had some great results from doing so. You get out of this site what you put into it and why should the guys be expected to make all the effort? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Like fishing for carp. You set up shop, sit in the cold for a while, sometimes it rains but when you least expect it someone will take the bait.. And then its a struggle from start to finish if your using a 7lb rod lol
I believe in charity though, women could! Send a few messages to remind us not to be creeps, its so easy to pass that line out of frustration. If your regular and and get 200 messages a day its because guys are left in the cold.. Saw one guy he was a total athlete cock the size of a forearm probably on page 3 somewhere saying he had no messages for weeks whats wrong ect. Makes me think its not just me and that it is a game of patience. Picky choosy is match.com not a swinging site surely.
Me personally im patient, my girl will find me soon enough |
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I go looking personally but tbh I don't get as many as real girls i'm sure.
My guess would be most girls on here have enough to pick from Without having to go looking.
Unless they are after a particular look or type of person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've never done a block delete.
I do send out initial messages and have had some great results from doing so. You get out of this site what you put into it and why should the guys be expected to make all the effort? "
This is a very good point! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sometimes I even send messages to people on here while I'm watching Mock The Week...
Yes but that's multi tasking!
Clearly the OP can't do that... which could be a concern in the bedroom
I never message a guy first in relation to a meet. I sometimes message about a status /comment but that is all."
You don't want multitasking in the bedroom, you want to be focused entirely on pleasing the woman at hand. |
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By *reykiwi500Man
over a year ago
West Kent (near Tonbridge) |
"I've never done a block delete.
I do send out initial messages and have had some great results from doing so. You get out of this site what you put into it and why should the guys be expected to make all the effort? "
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By *ik MMan
over a year ago
Lancashire |
I think I've received 2 random messages in all the time I've been here, including on previous profiles. Thinking about it neither of those made much sense.
Conversely I send our messages when updates or status' catch my eye but probably get a reply to one in ten. I can't explain how frustrating this is especially when you can see your message has been read. How long would a thanks but no thanks reply take?? |
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By *edylogosMan
over a year ago
wolverhampton |
I've literally had about 3 ladies message me since I've been here.
I understand why they don't by and large due to the influx of their own inboxes must make it incredibly difficult in actually looking!
That having being said I would say a lot of people are missing out on meeting people they would actually have a great time with due to this trend |
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By *rimo4uMan
over a year ago
north kensington w10 |
"I'm sure there are dozens of men for every woman here and it seems women get swamped with messages, so women of course can be as picky as they wish. Fair enough market forces and all that. So with you women just doing bulk delete without reading messages, you have no need to send any messages yourself. The question is do you?
I suppose I'm wondering if there's actually any point to site, because I'll be honest I find it rather boring, and right now I could be watching 'Mock the Week' rather than typing this. "
Yes, on an average day i might get up to 5 message from women! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"got all my filters on, so i am always the one messaging first..."
You should get rid of this filter until your social in London .I got few questions about the cake and the meet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm sure there are dozens of men for every woman here and it seems women get swamped with messages, so women of course can be as picky as they wish. Fair enough market forces and all that. So with you women just doing bulk delete without reading messages, you have no need to send any messages yourself. The question is do you?
I suppose I'm wondering if there's actually any point to site, because I'll be honest I find it rather boring, and right now I could be watching 'Mock the Week' rather than typing this.
yes they do OP in my experience couples to by the way,but OP and all the guys in here for that matter who say its very rare its not that rare fellas.
if you want to be noticed and messaged your going to have to express yourselves in the forums fellas .
now not in sycophantic way but with your true voice .
yes if you do that some are going to disagree with you and yes you will at times be asked to explain yourself god I know because I'm often answering follow up questions to my more controversial forum posts. but trust me guys if you do this and can keep your cool when someone with a axe to grind comes at you which they will if you take this route ,
then slowly over time people will see you for the person you truly are and at that point those who find you interests more often than not funny more often than not will start to message you .
here's the absolute truth fellas I rarely trawl profiles so due to that fact I don't send fishing messages . I will message due to a status update if I have anything to say on that update and I will message due to a forum post and you know something fellas I do rather well
don't let my lack of veri make you think otherwise I'm not a fan of the system as I find it can cause more trouble than good in a lot of cases.
I've took this approach since day one of joining OP and you know what I get winked at friend invites and messages so to those who say rarely I say this advertise your true voice in the forums yes some shit will come your way for doing that but trust me the fun that comes out of doing that far out numbers the negatives of such a approach to site life and having those all important naught fun filthy adventures . "
How are veri's more trouble? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have received in the past messages of women, so I know that they are out there. Just hope the ones that like you are the ones that you like, in my case they have been |
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"I'm sure there are dozens of men for every woman here and it seems women get swamped with messages, so women of course can be as picky as they wish. Fair enough market forces and all that. So with you women just doing bulk delete without reading messages, you have no need to send any messages yourself. The question is do you?
I suppose I'm wondering if there's actually any point to site, because I'll be honest I find it rather boring, and right now I could be watching 'Mock the Week' rat
her than typing this. "
I the lady of this couple quite often message guys. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I suppose I'm wondering if there's actually any point to site, because I'll be honest I find it rather boring, and right now I could be watching 'Mock the Week' rather than typing this. "
If you were a woman you could multi task and do both |
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By *edylogosMan
over a year ago
wolverhampton |
"
I suppose I'm wondering if there's actually any point to site, because I'll be honest I find it rather boring, and right now I could be watching 'Mock the Week' rather than typing this.
If you were a woman you could multi task and do both "
Haha well I don't think multitasking is the issue - I certainly can if I'm interested in something |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have in the past mailed men first, it doesn't really work for me though, I have had zero meets as a result of mailing men first, infact I have never had a reply from a single person I made first contact with so I tend to just sort through the guys who mail me and reply to the ones I'm interested in, I figure if they have mailed me first there is at least some interest on their part |
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"I'm sure there are dozens of men for every woman here and it seems women get swamped with messages, so women of course can be as picky as they wish. Fair enough market forces and all that. So with you women just doing bulk delete without reading messages, you have no need to send any messages yourself. The question is do you?
I suppose I'm wondering if there's actually any point to site, because I'll be honest I find it rather boring, and right now I could be watching 'Mock the Week' rather than typing this. "
I think I've received less than a handful of unsolicited messages from women since I've been on fab. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just picked up on this
simple answer is yes women do message men, if we have something they read in our profiles they like 
but I will admit Bisexual men like me, don't as many messages - but that's just how it is |
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By *ed wineMan
over a year ago
Where the streets have no name |
"I have in the past mailed men first, it doesn't really work for me though, I have had zero meets as a result of mailing men first, infact I have never had a reply from a single person I made first contact with so I tend to just sort through the guys who mail me and reply to the ones I'm interested in, I figure if they have mailed me first there is at least some interest on their part "
Of course we have interest on you  |
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"I sometimes send a message to a guy if something about their profile catches my eye, or I will wink them. And 95% of the time I never hear back from them "
It could be they have read your veris and can see they are all events & socials |
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I've had the odd message from a lady and always have replied. Some have later turned out to be from males sadly.
In every case I can't see why people would be rude. Treat others as you want to be treated yourself?
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"got all my filters on, so i am always the one messaging first...
You should get rid of this filter until your social in London .I got few questions about the cake and the meet "
if you really need to contact me..my couples profile will accept messages x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I first went single here a few months ago I had a single lady message me, profile was well thought out though not intriguing and she was initially well mannered, 3/4 messages in it was clear that she, though very pretty, wasn't attracting my attention mentally and a polite no thankyou you resulted in a barrage of quite frankly some of the best abuse I have ever received.
Seems some women don't like rejection either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When I first went single here a few months ago I had a single lady message me, profile was well thought out though not intriguing and she was initially well mannered, 3/4 messages in it was clear that she, though very pretty, wasn't attracting my attention mentally and a polite no thankyou you resulted in a barrage of quite frankly some of the best abuse I have ever received.
Seems some women don't like rejection either. "
Well I hope she blocked and reported you too
Single men turning women down |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When I first went single here a few months ago I had a single lady message me, profile was well thought out though not intriguing and she was initially well mannered, 3/4 messages in it was clear that she, though very pretty, wasn't attracting my attention mentally and a polite no thankyou you resulted in a barrage of quite frankly some of the best abuse I have ever received.
Seems some women don't like rejection either.
Well I hope she blocked and reported you too
Single men turning women down "
Haha, she may very well have done.
Was too busy marveling at the awesome abuse I got. |
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By *ye SeMan
over a year ago
london |
"When I first went single here a few months ago I had a single lady message me, profile was well thought out though not intriguing and she was initially well mannered, 3/4 messages in it was clear that she, though very pretty, wasn't attracting my attention mentally and a polite no thankyou you resulted in a barrage of quite frankly some of the best abuse I have ever received.
Seems some women don't like rejection either.
Well I hope she blocked and reported you too
Single men turning women down "
Nothing hotter then a confident women wanting to make the first move |
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I haves messaged guys and suggested they ask if i fancy meeting fir a coffee....
I also have deleted many messages from men who have blatantly not read my profile which i think is quite clear in what i am looking for...
Lmn |
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Yes, is the simple answer , I go months without getting a single message, then all of a sudden I get so many I cant keep up
Simply dont rely on this site as your main source of "fun" I use it more for socialising and meeting new people, if I get to have abit of fun along the way im not going to be complaining |
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