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New at swinging
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It can be pretty difficult to find 2 couples that are all happy to meet up.
Frequently my hubby will message a couple, start a conversation and is interested in the woman. I log in and look at the profile and the first thing I say is 'Well that aint gonna happen!'
It can be easier to find couples in clubs, but in the last 18 months we have played as a couple only twice, we mainly play as singles as one of us won't fancy one of them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's possible that your rules could be holding you back. No kissing would be an issue for a lot of people I'd imagine (personally I wouldn't be able to get turned on and have sexual contact with someone without kissing!). Similarly the no oral rule. It's a bit confusing that you comment on the female's oral skills when it's against your rules 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No oral. No kissing. Both straight
All those things would put me off but that's fine it's your choice obviously but you may be narrowing your selection!
Maybe try a club? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What your looking for is up to you nobody can change that. But reading your profile we wouldn't be interested, kissing is optional for us but oral is something we'd look for. Although I'm curious when you say no oral is that woman to man or visa versa? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Either go swinging or don't, all the rules, no kissing, no oral, is not going to make you attractive to other people, maybe you need to both think about your personal issues you have with intimacy with others, then really decide what you want x  |
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Hmm, no kissing, no oral but mention of the females oral skills in the profile and other lyrics a 7 year width in the age range that you are looking for.
So you've narrowed your choice with age range, then the no kissing will put a lot off and then add in the no oral. That's shut a lot of doors to potential enjoyment. On here if your time is limited and you don't have those boundaries, I think you'd look for people with similar drivers to yourself rather than limit your play by choosing to meet those with lots of boundaries.
Having said all that you may find more success in the club environment as you can meet people face to face and it's easier for them to feel an attraction rather than read a list of rules first. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi guys thanks for the replys. We just think it's a bit to personal to kiss at this stage of our swinging experience we would do oral not sure why that was on our profile that we would not ha. We will put a higher age range see if that helps.
Do you think it puts people of that we are so new at this and people are after a better night than teaching newbies x |
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Even if I were in your age range your profile is confusing
You mention females but are both straight
Kissing major issue :/ It gets things started on a less pressured level than going straight to oral
Smoking again. .. 
Clubs maybe a better route (as per a previous post when I was a couple it's rare to get both parties to like both parties! )
It's not about being new
And you have to be happy with the rules and preferences you set for you but taking those into consideration that maybe why here is slower going.
Clubs and socials or party's could be good to try
Xx
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"Hi guys thanks for the replys. We just think it's a bit to personal to kiss at this stage of our swinging experience we would do oral not sure why that was on our profile that we would not ha. We will put a higher age range see if that helps.
Do you think it puts people of that we are so new at this and people are after a better night than teaching newbies x"
Wouldn't put us off atall. The restrictions in play would though. We enjoy relaxed fun where everyone is happy. We've found that the more restrictions the more likely someone is to get upset. But having said that we were exactky the same when we first started so you just have to find your own way. I good club like the vanilla alternative where you can go at your own pace will help you guys settle in a lot better than a website. I appreciate it's nerve racking that first time but it is very much worth taking the plunge and meeting genuine people face to face. We're there tonight if you fancy being daring lol
We actually love introducing people to the scene lol. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi thanks again. Ye we both understand where u guys are coming from. We have actually been to a club before and we loved it, were going again next Saturday! We would like to find people who are vanilla like us and we can go through the experience together as couples and make friends like that. We find it quite intimidating when other couples n singles have been doing it for years etc we feel it puts added pressure on us to do stuff n perform where if we could meet someone similar to us and up for a bit of experimenting every now n then that be better. Do u guys think we're going about it right or wrong? X |
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"Hi thanks again. Ye we both understand where u guys are coming from. We have actually been to a club before and we loved it, were going again next Saturday! We would like to find people who are vanilla like us and we can go through the experience together as couples and make friends like that. We find it quite intimidating when other couples n singles have been doing it for years etc we feel it puts added pressure on us to do stuff n perform where if we could meet someone similar to us and up for a bit of experimenting every now n then that be better. Do u guys think we're going about it right or wrong? X"
It's about meeting the right people that suit you guys. Experience is irrelevant in our opinion.
Sometimes it helps that people have some. For example we always used to struggle getting things going, even though we may have both been dying to play. Now if we get that vibe off another couple we'll simply ask if they'd like a dip in the hot tub or if they're brave enough to come and explore the play areas with us. The amount of people that have said 'thank God you've asked we didn't know how to!'
Clubs are great for meeting genuine people if it's the right club with the right vibe.
Just look for relaxed people:
Do you fancy them.
Are they chilled out.
Do they make you feel comfortable and are they fun.
Are they respectful and of the fact we are new.
Just go out and have fun. If you find more then be happy exploring it. Don't worry about how you are doing it. Just try your very hardest to relax and have fun and the rest will follow. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't understand how you can think kissing is too personal? Your going to fuck someone & put their genitals in your mouth. How much more personal can you get?
Have you been watching a bit too much 'Pretty Woman'?
Kissing is a basic body language tool & taste is one of the 5 basic senses so generally, people want to kiss. Are you saying it's ok for someone to use their mouth on your body - nipples, cock/balls, pussy, back, thighs etc but you draw the line at mouth to mouth? Because that doesn't make a lot of sense ... and makes you sound a little bit uptight.
Also, age range is really narrow so that won't help...
If your boundaries are set in stone then that's your call, but the more boundaries you have, the harder it will be to find someone.
Looks like you've been on about the same as us, so don't think the newness is the issue
Hope that helps x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi guys thanks for the replys. We just think it's a bit to personal to kiss at this stage of our swinging experience we would do oral not sure why that was on our profile that we would not ha. We will put a higher age range see if that helps.
Do you think it puts people of that we are so new at this and people are after a better night than teaching newbies x"
It's funny I found it the other way round. I needed to start slow, and wasn't immediately comfortable with sex. In fact our early rule was no 'below waist'. But kissing and fondling was easy. I think I needed to have that 'teenage' style snog and grope, just to get me used to being with a man other than my husband after 10 years of monogamy. The kissing was a very important stepping stone towards eventually having extra marital sexual experiences.
Mrs |
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"Hi guys thanks for the replys. We just think it's a bit to personal to kiss at this stage of our swinging experience we would do oral not sure why that was on our profile that we would not ha. We will put a higher age range see if that helps.
Do you think it puts people of that we are so new at this and people are after a better night than teaching newbies x
It's funny I found it the other way round. I needed to start slow, and wasn't immediately comfortable with sex. In fact our early rule was no 'below waist'. But kissing and fondling was easy. I think I needed to have that 'teenage' style snog and grope, just to get me used to being with a man other than my husband after 10 years of monogamy. The kissing was a very important stepping stone towards eventually having extra marital sexual experiences.
Mrs "
Never looked at it like that but it does make sense |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't understand how you can think kissing is too personal? Your going to fuck someone & put their genitals in your mouth. How much more personal can you get?
Have you been watching a bit too much 'Pretty Woman'?
Kissing is a basic body language tool & taste is one of the 5 basic senses so generally, people want to kiss. Are you saying it's ok for someone to use their mouth on your body - nipples, cock/balls, pussy, back, thighs etc but you draw the line at mouth to mouth? Because that doesn't make a lot of sense ... and makes you sound a little bit uptight.
Also, age range is really narrow so that won't help...
If your boundaries are set in stone then that's your call, but the more boundaries you have, the harder it will be to find someone.
Looks like you've been on about the same as us, so don't think the newness is the issue
Hope that helps x"
Ye pretty woman is one of our favourite films ha not Adams family anyway.
mmm listening to u guys about kissing we know what your saying we just think that should be for when your making love to the person you love not the person you are having a bit of fun with. You can get just as excited touching and kissing the body than you can kissing lips. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I spent my teenage years snogging for England. Every party, school dance, night out in Brighton etc wasn't complete without 'pulling'. And 'pulling' basically meant snogging. 2nd base would be good, but third base - well it was a treat if a man got his hands in someone's knickers. Sex was invariably saved to those who were really special. But kissing was no big deal. But on the swing scene it's totally the other way round. Sex, blowjobs etc etc is the bread and butter, but kissing, which as a teenager was a standard practice, is now often saved for those who are special.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The "no kissing" people we tend to avoid we've heard all the arguments "it's for lovemaking" "it's too intimate" etc etc and lots of other reasons, all hiding the real reasons however in OUR experience it's generally couples with jealousy issues that don't want to see each other being passionate & intimate with others, so for two main reasons we avoid
1. The issues mentioned
2. We don't want mechanical sport fucking |
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"The "no kissing" people we tend to avoid we've heard all the arguments "it's for lovemaking" "it's too intimate" etc etc and lots of other reasons, all hiding the real reasons however in OUR experience it's generally couples with jealousy issues that don't want to see each other being passionate & intimate with others, so for two main reasons we avoid
1. The issues mentioned
2. We don't want mechanical sport fucking"
But they said they we new! - give them time to develop into it. They will find their own pace in time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You are into rimming strangers yet kissing them is too intimate?
Sally"
its their preference. Personally i dont like to kiss other men as it doesn't do it for me.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"mmm listening to u guys about kissing we know what your saying we just think that should be for when your making love to the person you love not the person you are having a bit of fun with. You can get just as excited touching and kissing the body than you can kissing lips. "
For us, the act of kissing someone on the lips isn't a love act. It only becomes so when you kiss someone you love. Since it's impossible to love a stranger, swinging kisses are really just part of good play, letting your playmate know you desire them... something we all like to feel when getting sexy.  Efforts to push people away can be a bit degrading, turning them into sex toys, and unnecessary in our opinion.
We're new to this like you. But we decided to keep our rules to the minimum and figure out what we didn't like by giving it a try. So far we've been pleasantly surprised that everything has been quite tame and fun. So I wouldn't make a mountain out of a mole hill. Sure, some things aren't worth trying as they might burn onto your retina and you'll never be able to get them off (rimming a d*unken old tramp?!?)   But if seeing your partner fucking someone isn't one of those things for you, seeing them having a good old snog whilst they writhe about in pleasure probably won't be either.
Above all, however, you know what makes you uncomfortable and if that's kissing then so be it. There's no point doing anything you're uncomfortable with... So the above is just our take on things Good luck  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't understand how you can think kissing is too personal? Your going to fuck someone & put their genitals in your mouth. How much more personal can you get?
Have you been watching a bit too much 'Pretty Woman'?
Kissing is a basic body language tool & taste is one of the 5 basic senses so generally, people want to kiss. Are you saying it's ok for someone to use their mouth on your body - nipples, cock/balls, pussy, back, thighs etc but you draw the line at mouth to mouth? Because that doesn't make a lot of sense ... and makes you sound a little bit uptight.
Also, age range is really narrow so that won't help...
If your boundaries are set in stone then that's your call, but the more boundaries you have, the harder it will be to find someone.
Looks like you've been on about the same as us, so don't think the newness is the issue
Hope that helps x
Ye pretty woman is one of our favourite films ha not Adams family anyway.
mmm listening to u guys about kissing we know what your saying we just think that should be for when your making love to the person you love not the person you are having a bit of fun with. You can get just as excited touching and kissing the body than you can kissing lips. "
Don't agree with that at all .
Kissing is an essential part of foreplay for us . We treat every meet as a pleasurable experience for ourselves and those we meet . That experience is nowhere near as good without kissing .
And as another couple said , it's always a concern when the no kissing rule comes up , it reeks of insecurity .
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OP
Only do the things you want to at your speed. Don't get pressured into something just because others don't understand it or don't like it.
Start slow and if something works for you great, if it doesn't then don't do it again, if you want to try something then give it a go.
When I started I had a no kissing rule, if people didn't want to meet us because of it, that was their choice, just as it was mine to have this rule. |
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"Hi thanks again. Ye we both understand where u guys are coming from. We have actually been to a club before and we loved it, were going again next Saturday! We would like to find people who are vanilla like us and we can go through the experience together as couples and make friends like that. We find it quite intimidating when other couples n singles have been doing it for years etc we feel it puts added pressure on us to do stuff n perform where if we could meet someone similar to us and up for a bit of experimenting every now n then that be better. Do u guys think we're going about it right or wrong? X"
Just because someone may have been around for a while don't think that equals a lot of meets/experience or "hardened swinger"
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I noticed since my first response you have changed the profile to show Mrs as bi-curious
But still your saying no kissing unless it's you two.
Having read the rest of the thread i admit yes it us your rule and there will be people happy with it.
But it does remind me of some very early meets that did have jealousy issues involved. I avoid any profile that gives me these concerns.
I hope you enjoy the site
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