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Double standards??
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I will probably get a roasting but i just wanted peoples thoughts. I occasionally see a female for nsa fun maybe once a month ? who lives with her husband. I pick her up we have a few hours of safe fun and i drop her back. We never discussed her relationship I just assumed she wanted a bit extra. Im currently single but started dating someone. Seen them twice... no sex just kissing after a meal etc... ive told my fb (im always honest)and she says that she would not be comfortable with me vanilla dating someone else and would probably meet up for one final meet... am I missing something? Ive agreed that it is her choice and might just call it a day... just wondered if anyone has had this happen to them? |
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Yes it is her choice who to see and on what basis. But! Given she's not exclusive to you, yes i find hypocritical to expect you to be to her.
I things these kind of things should be understood at the start, but I can see why you would have assumed what you have.
Good luck with the new lady  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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she might actually not like the idea of you having sex with her while you're seeing someone.
does her husband know she's meeting you? if o double standard i guess, but if he knows and the person you're seeing doesn't then no it's not double standards.
people are hypocrites though. you can choose to ride with them or find better company. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Without knowing all the story it is hard to conclude what to say did u have an unwritten agreement on who could do what and when in order to answer your you need to divulge a bit more information |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't know if it's double standards or not. It may be that she didn't want to be in the way of your new relationship. It's possible I might pull back too in that situation in order to give that man a better chance of making in work with his new girlfriend. That's if I was given the impression that his new relationship was serious and the girlfriend believed in monogamy. But I would take a view following discussion |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I will probably get a roasting but i just wanted peoples thoughts. I occasionally see a female for nsa fun maybe once a month ? who lives with her husband. I pick her up we have a few hours of safe fun and i drop her back. We never discussed her relationship I just assumed she wanted a bit extra. Im currently single but started dating someone. Seen them twice... no sex just kissing after a meal etc... ive told my fb (im always honest)and she says that she would not be comfortable with me vanilla dating someone else and would probably meet up for one final meet... am I missing something? Ive agreed that it is her choice and might just call it a day... just wondered if anyone has had this happen to them?"
Does your new girlfriend know about the fb? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Plenty jealous women who want men to themselves (and may also meet other men) and expect the man to just want them. I find this amongst mf couples where a women is quite happy to have a man share her with hubby. But not share hubby with another women. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Without knowing her it's impossible to tell, bit for what's it's worth if a FB/FWB of mine started vanilla dating I'd stop seeing him too, out of respect for the new relationship. If things don't work out you can always go back to the FB knowing you've been honest. You're a lovely guy OP, I hope things work out with your new lady  xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes it is her choice who to see and on what basis. But! Given she's not exclusive to you, yes i find hypocritical to expect you to be to her.
I things these kind of things should be understood at the start, but I can see why you would have assumed what you have.
Good luck with the new lady "
have to agree xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Without knowing her it's impossible to tell, bit for what's it's worth if a FB/FWB of mine started vanilla dating I'd stop seeing him too, out of respect for the new relationship. If things don't work out you can always go back to the FB knowing you've been honest. You're a lovely guy OP, I hope things work out with your new lady xxx"
thanks that's a good point... her husband doesnt know at all which is why i thought id get a roasting lol and yes my new date... possibly girlfriend in the future does know about my dark side hence why we have not been intimate yet.... time will tell.... it just threw me that she met me on here and expects me to wait month by month for when she wanted a release....suited me at the time but I guess people change... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Without knowing her it's impossible to tell, bit for what's it's worth if a FB/FWB of mine started vanilla dating I'd stop seeing him too, out of respect for the new relationship. If things don't work out you can always go back to the FB knowing you've been honest. You're a lovely guy OP, I hope things work out with your new lady xxx thanks that's a good point... her husband doesnt know at all which is why i thought id get a roasting lol and yes my new date... possibly girlfriend in the future does know about my dark side hence why we have not been intimate yet.... time will tell.... it just threw me that she met me on here and expects me to wait month by month for when she wanted a release....suited me at the time but I guess people change..."
Ok well that makes far more sense. Sounds like it's very early days with your new friend. You haven't slept with her, you haven't agreed to be exclusive, and she even knows that you are sleeping with someone else. Doesn't sound like you and your new friend have agreed to take this to the exclusive stage, therefore possibly a bit premature in your relationship with the married lady ending. Maybe you are right - one rule for her and another rule for you  |
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"Double standards on FAB ? Surely never  "
I was thinking the same thing. 
From what I've read, it seems circumstances have changed and it's time for everyone to move on. It was never going to be a permanent setup. That's Fabs mate. All good things come to an end at some point. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you have started dating and its working out, well I would park Fab chap and enjoy the new path you have chosen.... Fab is always here; and the woman you currently see through fab, well..... she has choices, so do you...
...but if I was embarking on a new path (even if it was just dating/no sex), I would park Fab...unless of course the lady you are dating is a fab person too...
honesty chap; in everything we do, is the most liberating freedom we can grant ourselves...
Good luck in your new ventures... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Plenty jealous women who want men to themselves (and may also meet other men) and expect the man to just want them. I find this amongst mf couples where a women is quite happy to have a man share her with hubby. But not share hubby with another women."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Without knowing her it's impossible to tell, bit for what's it's worth if a FB/FWB of mine started vanilla dating I'd stop seeing him too, out of respect for the new relationship. If things don't work out you can always go back to the FB knowing you've been honest. You're a lovely guy OP, I hope things work out with your new lady xxx thanks that's a good point... her husband doesnt know at all which is why i thought id get a roasting lol and yes my new date... possibly girlfriend in the future does know about my dark side hence why we have not been intimate yet.... time will tell.... it just threw me that she met me on here and expects me to wait month by month for when she wanted a release....suited me at the time but I guess people change..."
So really you are her exclusive bit on the side once a month or so and she expects you to be only hers! And when it suits her she will just end it.
I would have never it and concentrate on you're own happiness or potential happiness |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you have started dating and its working out, well I would park Fab chap and enjoy the new path you have chosen.... Fab is always here; and the woman you currently see through fab, well..... she has choices, so do you...
...but if I was embarking on a new path (even if it was just dating/no sex), I would park Fab...unless of course the lady you are dating is a fab person too...
honesty chap; in everything we do, is the most liberating freedom we can grant ourselves...
Good luck in your new ventures... "
totally agree mate if we get on then I would totaly park the fab bus as i have in the past... just needed to check i never missed anything. It's not like you can have this conversation anywhere else.....
Thanks for your thoughts peeps.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I will probably get a roasting but i just wanted peoples thoughts. I occasionally see a female for nsa fun maybe once a month ? who lives with her husband. I pick her up we have a few hours of safe fun and i drop her back. We never discussed her relationship I just assumed she wanted a bit extra. Im currently single but started dating someone. Seen them twice... no sex just kissing after a meal etc... ive told my fb (im always honest)and she says that she would not be comfortable with me vanilla dating someone else and would probably meet up for one final meet... am I missing something? Ive agreed that it is her choice and might just call it a day... just wondered if anyone has had this happen to them?"
So. You've started a relationship but still want to carry on with your FB? Does the new lady know about her? It's just that I'm seeing a kettle and a pot in similar shades of black here.......
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I will probably get a roasting but i just wanted peoples thoughts. I occasionally see a female for nsa fun maybe once a month ? who lives with her husband. I pick her up we have a few hours of safe fun and i drop her back. We never discussed her relationship I just assumed she wanted a bit extra. Im currently single but started dating someone. Seen them twice... no sex just kissing after a meal etc... ive told my fb (im always honest)and she says that she would not be comfortable with me vanilla dating someone else and would probably meet up for one final meet... am I missing something? Ive agreed that it is her choice and might just call it a day... just wondered if anyone has had this happen to them?
So. You've started a relationship but still want to carry on with your FB? Does the new lady know about her? It's just that I'm seeing a kettle and a pot in similar shades of black here.......
"
All answered further up the thread.....  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I will probably get a roasting but i just wanted peoples thoughts. I occasionally see a female for nsa fun maybe once a month ? who lives with her husband. I pick her up we have a few hours of safe fun and i drop her back. We never discussed her relationship I just assumed she wanted a bit extra. Im currently single but started dating someone. Seen them twice... no sex just kissing after a meal etc... ive told my fb (im always honest)and she says that she would not be comfortable with me vanilla dating someone else and would probably meet up for one final meet... am I missing something? Ive agreed that it is her choice and might just call it a day... just wondered if anyone has had this happen to them?
So. You've started a relationship but still want to carry on with your FB? Does the new lady know about her? It's just that I'm seeing a kettle and a pot in similar shades of black here.......
"
no ive started dating if it progresses to a relationship i will stop seeing my fab buddy. The new lady does know about her which is part of the reason why ive not slept with the new lady. My fab buddy has a husband and he does not know about me.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Without knowing her it's impossible to tell, bit for what's it's worth if a FB/FWB of mine started vanilla dating I'd stop seeing him too, out of respect for the new relationship. If things don't work out you can always go back to the FB knowing you've been honest. You're a lovely guy OP, I hope things work out with your new lady xxx thanks that's a good point... her husband doesnt know at all which is why i thought id get a roasting lol and yes my new date... possibly girlfriend in the future does know about my dark side hence why we have not been intimate yet.... time will tell.... it just threw me that she met me on here and expects me to wait month by month for when she wanted a release....suited me at the time but I guess people change...
So really you are her exclusive bit on the side once a month or so and she expects you to be only hers! And when it suits her she will just end it.
I would have never it and concentrate on you're own happiness or potential happiness "
agree.
I think the married woman is a cheeky bugger.
But if your new female potential friend doesn't know about your married female then is it double/double standards? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive  "
“Seldom, very seldom, does complete truth belong to any human disclosure; seldom can it happen that something is not a little disguised or a little mistaken.” |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a case of having her cake & eating it too!
I'd say she's envious of your new potential relationship & is secretly hoping that by giving you an ultimatum that you'll choose her.
After all if you start dating she'll have to find a new FB. |
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"I will probably get a roasting but i just wanted peoples thoughts. I occasionally see a female for nsa fun maybe once a month ? who lives with her husband. I pick her up we have a few hours of safe fun and i drop her back. We never discussed her relationship I just
assumed she wanted a bit
extra. Im currently single but started dating someone. Seen them twice... no sex just kissing after a meal etc... ive told my fb (im always honest)and she says that she would not be comfortable with me vanilla dating someone else and would probably meet up for one final meet... am I missing something? Ive agreed that it is her choice and might just call it a day... just wondered if anyone has had this happen to them?"
Youve changed the dynamics of the arrangement you had ... so you want your cake and eat it with both ladies ....
..... perhaps its better to end it on a good note .... hope all goes well with your new lady  |
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By *orny1970Man
over a year ago
Northwest Greater Manchester and lancashire |
Life is too short.. She chooses to end it then with the sound of it it's her loss.. Double standards..
But like. Previous post said she can choose just like you can.. Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I will probably get a roasting but i just wanted peoples thoughts. I occasionally see a female for nsa fun maybe once a month ? who lives with her husband. I pick her up we have a few hours of safe fun and i drop her back. We never discussed her relationship I just
assumed she wanted a bit
extra. Im currently single but started dating someone. Seen them twice... no sex just kissing after a meal etc... ive told my fb (im always honest)and she says that she would not be comfortable with me vanilla dating someone else and would probably meet up for one final meet... am I missing something? Ive agreed that it is her choice and might just call it a day... just wondered if anyone has had this happen to them?
Youve changed the dynamics of the arrangement you had ... so you want your cake and eat it with both ladies ....
..... perhaps its better to end it on a good note .... hope all goes well with your new lady "
bit confused with why you think im having my cake and eat it. If im in a relationship i dont swing simple...the new girl does know about my situation hence why ive not felt right to sleep with her. We will end on a good note im sure its just surpised me that she was ok to sleep with me being married but not ok for me to even date someone... learning curve even at my age... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I will probably get a roasting but i just wanted peoples thoughts. I occasionally see a female for nsa fun maybe once a month ? who lives with her husband. I pick her up we have a few hours of safe fun and i drop her back. We never discussed her relationship I just
assumed she wanted a bit
extra. Im currently single but started dating someone. Seen them twice... no sex just kissing after a meal etc... ive told my fb (im always honest)and she says that she would not be comfortable with me vanilla dating someone else and would probably meet up for one final meet... am I missing something? Ive agreed that it is her choice and might just call it a day... just wondered if anyone has had this happen to them?
Youve changed the dynamics of the arrangement you had ... so you want your cake and eat it with both ladies ....
..... perhaps its better to end it on a good note .... hope all goes well with your new lady "
totally agree thanks |
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"Plenty jealous women who want men to themselves (and may also meet other men) and expect the man to just want them. I find this amongst mf couples where a women is quite happy to have a man share her with hubby. But not share hubby with another women."
Both seen and experienced that myself.
Jealousy is a very strong emotion that a lot of people cant handle even in a swinging or NSA way. The second strongest emotion to it, is denial! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When me and Mr discussed swinging I explained that I don't think I could deal with seeing him with someone else (just being honest) he explained that wasn't what he was interested in - he is turned on by sharing me . I don't think that's double standards as I haven't said I can play and you can't - he doesn't want to play with anyone except me |
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Personally I find that very strange although...
I met a guy last week who's married and he asked me about being exclusive. What do you mean, I asked choking on my drink! He's used to affairs and new to swinging so in that context each party only net each other.
That may be where she's coming from? If 'exclusive' but married is right for her respect it. If it's not right for you then she needs to respect it. |
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"Sleeping with others whilst dating someone is a little unfair - she's doing you a favour."
How is it?
Dating is just that, going on dates. It doesn't mean there's a relationship or any need for exclusivity. |
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"she says that she would not be comfortable with me vanilla dating someone else and would probably meet up for one final meet... "
Emotional blackmail, these crazy women spoil it for the rest of us |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Plenty jealous women who want men to themselves (and may also meet other men) and expect the man to just want them. I find this amongst mf couples where a women is quite happy to have a man share her with hubby. But not share hubby with another women."
Not all couples are like this. I'm sorry you've found this, but honestly I really enjoy sharing Mr and wouldn't have it any other way, we prefer all in mess of bodies |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To the op, don't know if it's double standards, perhaps for fb knows the dynamics have changed and doesn't want to get in the way of your happiness or be the one to come in between you and another lady. I actually think she's using a bit of common sense in that department, and is doing it out of respect for her and you (and not knowing the situation between the fb and her husband we cannot ever say for certain either way) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I will probably get a roasting but i just wanted peoples thoughts. I occasionally see a female for nsa fun maybe once a month ? who lives with her husband. I pick her up we have a few hours of safe fun and i drop her back. We never discussed her relationship I just
assumed she wanted a bit
extra. Im currently single but started dating someone. Seen them twice... no sex just kissing after a meal etc... ive told my fb (im always honest)and she says that she would not be comfortable with me vanilla dating someone else and would probably meet up for one final meet... am I missing something? Ive agreed that it is her choice and might just call it a day... just wondered if anyone has had this happen to them?
Youve changed the dynamics of the arrangement you had ... so you want your cake and eat it with both ladies ....
..... perhaps its better to end it on a good note .... hope all goes well with your new lady bit confused with why you think im having my cake and eat it. If im in a relationship i dont swing simple...the new girl does know about my situation hence why ive not felt right to sleep with her. We will end on a good note im sure its just surpised me that she was ok to sleep with me being married but not ok for me to even date someone... learning curve even at my age..."
OP it sounds like you are very keen on this new lady, and are hoping to have a meaningful relationship with her. You've been that you won't have a sexual relationship with her whilst you are still in a sexual relationship elsewhere, so obviously your current relationship will end if you pursue this new relationship. Maybe your FB realises this, and would rather get the break up out the way, instead of wait for the inevitable.
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