FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Getting into bdsm
Getting into bdsm
Jump to: Newest in thread
"Need advice on bdsm. My lady friend is submissive and wants me to expands my horizons. Just need pointers "
Expand your horizons to what? it seems to me she already knows what she wants, what do you want and what do you identify as? There is more to BDSM than submission  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I am quote submissive but they all depends whom I'm with. Trust is always the first thing. If she has your trust then take away her control. Always have a safe word. This can never be rushed start with little steps. Blind folds. Hand ties. Gags. Give her little things to complete for you. Take her out but tell her what to wear. Build up slowly. Most of all enjoy. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"Need advice on bdsm. My lady friend is submissive and wants me to expands my horizons. Just need pointers "
There are plenty of books you can read OP to help you understand the mindset you will need to adopt to be a successful D because as your struggling and asking for advice I'm guessing that's what your struggling with.
With you see anyone can spank a bottom its the mental mindset and play that are far harder to understand and adapt to .
I will say this fella your going to have to get your mind around the idea that there is more to sex than your pleasure your orgasm if you want to become a successful D .
I am detached from my own orgasm by that I mean I don't fuck for my orgasm like a lot of vanilla guys do this fact and mindset is not unusual in D and its the hardest thing to get your head round .
You see to me and alot of other dominants its key that our subs have no sexual power over us instead its us who have sexual power over them
That mindset with the control needed to be able to pull it off successfully is one of the hardest parts of being a D for those new to it to master some not c out for the role will never master that part of the dynamic .
For me and others its a natural way of being we hold off don't allow lust to cloud our judgement we control ourselves and our subs sexual pleasure as we are control freaks but for most that level of control of ones own lust is a skill they will never master ..
I think the skill of controlling ones own lust and need for pleasure is the first skill any one looking to become a D must master Op |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Need advice on bdsm. My lady friend is submissive and wants me to expands my horizons. Just need pointers
There are plenty of books you can read OP to help you understand the mindset you will need to adopt to be a successful D because as your struggling and asking for advice I'm guessing that's what your struggling with.
With you see anyone can spank a bottom its the mental mindset and play that are far harder to understand and adapt to .
I will say this fella your going to have to get your mind around the idea that there is more to sex than your pleasure your orgasm if you want to become a successful D .
I am detached from my own orgasm by that I mean I don't fuck for my orgasm like a lot of vanilla guys do this fact and mindset is not unusual in D and its the hardest thing to get your head round .
You see to me and alot of other dominants its key that our subs have no sexual power over us instead its us who have sexual power over them
That mindset with the control needed to be able to pull it off successfully is one of the hardest parts of being a D for those new to it to master some not c out for the role will never master that part of the dynamic .
For me and others its a natural way of being we hold off don't allow lust to cloud our judgement we control ourselves and our subs sexual pleasure as we are control freaks but for most that level of control of ones own lust is a skill they will never master ..
I think the skill of controlling ones own lust and need for pleasure is the first skill any one looking to become a D must master Op"
Alternatively you can be all about your own pleasure. There's different ways to skin a cat. (I am all about my own pleasure. I only do things for my own pleasure. I don't do things for my submissive partners pleasure.) |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Need advice on bdsm. My lady friend is submissive and wants me to expands my horizons. Just need pointers
You see to me and alot of other dominants its key that our subs have no sexual power over us instead its us who have sexual power over them
For me and others its a natural way of being we hold off don't allow lust to cloud our judgement we control ourselves and our subs sexual pleasure as we are control freaks but for most that level of control of ones own lust is a skill they will never master ..
"
I am not a sub but I have submissive tendencies. Although I agree with a lot of what you have said, I don't think what you have said in these two paragraphs is correct.
I would go so far as to say that doms do not have sexual power over their subs and you do not control your sub's sexual pleasure. In a d/s relationship the true power and control comes from the sub. They say what goes. Their hard limits dictate what the dom can do to them and they say when to stop. Therein lies true control. The only time the dom has true control would be with a Total Power Exchange relationship which is at the very extreme end of the spectrum.
D |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"Need advice on bdsm. My lady friend is submissive and wants me to expands my horizons. Just need pointers
There are plenty of books you can read OP to help you understand the mindset you will need to adopt to be a successful D because as your struggling and asking for advice I'm guessing that's what your struggling with.
With you see anyone can spank a bottom its the mental mindset and play that are far harder to understand and adapt to .
I will say this fella your going to have to get your mind around the idea that there is more to sex than your pleasure your orgasm if you want to become a successful D .
I am detached from my own orgasm by that I mean I don't fuck for my orgasm like a lot of vanilla guys do this fact and mindset is not unusual in D and its the hardest thing to get your head round .
You see to me and alot of other dominants its key that our subs have no sexual power over us instead its us who have sexual power over them
That mindset with the control needed to be able to pull it off successfully is one of the hardest parts of being a D for those new to it to master some not c out for the role will never master that part of the dynamic .
For me and others its a natural way of being we hold off don't allow lust to cloud our judgement we control ourselves and our subs sexual pleasure as we are control freaks but for most that level of control of ones own lust is a skill they will never master ..
I think the skill of controlling ones own lust and need for pleasure is the first skill any one looking to become a D must master Op
Alternatively you can be all about your own pleasure. There's different ways to skin a cat. (I am all about my own pleasure. I only do things for my own pleasure. I don't do things for my submissive partners pleasure.)"
Eeeeeeeer I am doing what I do and playing in the way I play for my own pleasure I get off on control my own control as well as control over my play partners .
There is more to sex than the pleasure of the flesh wat about the mental pleasure of control .
Jesus I'm as selfish as the next man in my own way I like the power of control its a aphrodisiac to guys like me
Control is what drives a lot of Dominants its part of how they derive pleasure and part of what they need to feel pleasure .
Being given a blow job is boring to me directing a blow job being given to me is better taking my play partners mouth now we are talking ..especially when you have the control to not cum when doing it make her really work for that .
Hope that example helps you understand better |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"Need advice on bdsm. My lady friend is submissive and wants me to expands my horizons. Just need pointers
You see to me and alot of other dominants its key that our subs have no sexual power over us instead its us who have sexual power over them
For me and others its a natural way of being we hold off don't allow lust to cloud our judgement we control ourselves and our subs sexual pleasure as we are control freaks but for most that level of control of ones own lust is a skill they will never master ..
I am not a sub but I have submissive tendencies. Although I agree with a lot of what you have said, I don't think what you have said in these two paragraphs is correct.
I would go so far as to say that doms do not have sexual power over their subs and you do not control your sub's sexual pleasure. In a d/s relationship the true power and control comes from the sub. They say what goes. Their hard limits dictate what the dom can do to them and they say when to stop. Therein lies true control. The only time the dom has true control would be with a Total Power Exchange relationship which is at the very extreme end of the spectrum.
D "
Yes the control is a illusion if you used the green button next to my name you would know I know that fact and agree with it to certain extent from other forum beta es on D/s I've posted in .
The one thing that isn't a illusion in the D/s dynamic is orgasm denial for a restrained sub is real as they have no power over there release or a D denying his sub the power of her body giving him a orgasm .
D/s fun can be very deep and have real elements of power not just a illusion of power or a illusion of control under certain circumstances and play styles . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Eeeeeeeer I am doing what I do and playing in the way I play for my own pleasure I get off on control my own control as well as control over my play partners .
There is more to sex than the pleasure of the flesh wat about the mental pleasure of control .
Jesus I'm as selfish as the next man in my own way I like the power of control its a aphrodisiac to guys like me
Control is what drives a lot of Dominants its part of how they derive pleasure and part of what they need to feel pleasure .
Being given a blow job is boring to me directing a blow job being given to me is better taking my play partners mouth now we are talking ..especially when you have the control to not cum when doing it make her really work for that .
Hope that example helps you understand better "
I understand what you were saying, I was just proposing that there are other ways to play too. Your way is not the only way and I was suggesting alternatives.
I don't get off on 'taking' things from my partners. I get off on them 'giving' to me.
I love the control - I get off on it. But it's a different kind of control to the one that you enjoy. And that's ok, we're all allowed to explore BDSM differently. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Need advice on bdsm. My lady friend is submissive and wants me to expands my horizons. Just need pointers
You see to me and alot of other dominants its key that our subs have no sexual power over us instead its us who have sexual power over them
For me and others its a natural way of being we hold off don't allow lust to cloud our judgement we control ourselves and our subs sexual pleasure as we are control freaks but for most that level of control of ones own lust is a skill they will never master ..
I am not a sub but I have submissive tendencies. Although I agree with a lot of what you have said, I don't think what you have said in these two paragraphs is correct.
I would go so far as to say that doms do not have sexual power over their subs and you do not control your sub's sexual pleasure. In a d/s relationship the true power and control comes from the sub. They say what goes. Their hard limits dictate what the dom can do to them and they say when to stop. Therein lies true control. The only time the dom has true control would be with a Total Power Exchange relationship which is at the very extreme end of the spectrum.
D
Yes the control is a illusion if you used the green button next to my name you would know I know that fact and agree with it to certain extent from other forum beta es on D/s I've posted in .
The one thing that isn't a illusion in the D/s dynamic is orgasm denial for a restrained sub is real as they have no power over there release or a D denying his sub the power of her body giving him a orgasm .
D/s fun can be very deep and have real elements of power not just a illusion of power or a illusion of control under certain circumstances and play styles ."
I struggle with most of what you're saying. You are describing your version of D and that is almost the polar opposite of what I look for as a s. Perhaps what I'd expect from when we've played with a second D or in a club but that's totally the opposite to how I play with Mister and we rarely play privately without it being D/s nowadays. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Dominance and submission are a state of mind. The physical manifestation of this is different for everyone. Talk talk and discover together and be yourselves  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I don't get off on 'taking' things from my partners. I get off on them 'giving' to me.
"
See this is more us! My giving is something I enjoy, it's also something that settles me after a hard impact session. Taking does also come into our play but not as much as giving. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I don't get off on 'taking' things from my partners. I get off on them 'giving' to me.
See this is more us! My giving is something I enjoy, it's also something that settles me after a hard impact session. Taking does also come into our play but not as much as giving."
I don't need to take. I don't need to punish. I don't need to discipline. If my submissive partner wanted those things then I'd understand that they didn't really want to be with me, so I would end the relationship.
However some people like that kind of play, and that's ok too. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I don't get off on 'taking' things from my partners. I get off on them 'giving' to me.
See this is more us! My giving is something I enjoy, it's also something that settles me after a hard impact session. Taking does also come into our play but not as much as giving.
I don't need to take. I don't need to punish. I don't need to discipline. If my submissive partner wanted those things then I'd understand that they didn't really want to be with me, so I would end the relationship.
However some people like that kind of play, and that's ok too."
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Ok OP lets make this about your question again......
Getting into bdsm.
The best way nowadays is to watch some porn together.
See what you both like, incorporate it into your play and see how you feel doing it in reality.
Good luck it's a great world. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Thanks everyone for the advice so far.
We have gone some way already to satisfying some of our needs.
Absolutely agree the pleasure is to be mutual and that's what's turning us on so far
Good luck and thanks everybody. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"
Eeeeeeeer I am doing what I do and playing in the way I play for my own pleasure I get off on control my own control as well as control over my play partners .
There is more to sex than the pleasure of the flesh wat about the mental pleasure of control .
Jesus I'm as selfish as the next man in my own way I like the power of control its a aphrodisiac to guys like me
Control is what drives a lot of Dominants its part of how they derive pleasure and part of what they need to feel pleasure .
Being given a blow job is boring to me directing a blow job being given to me is better taking my play partners mouth now we are talking ..especially when you have the control to not cum when doing it make her really work for that .
Hope that example helps you understand better
I understand what you were saying, I was just proposing that there are other ways to play too. Your way is not the only way and I was suggesting alternatives.
I don't get off on 'taking' things from my partners. I get off on them 'giving' to me.
I love the control - I get off on it. But it's a different kind of control to the one that you enjoy. And that's ok, we're all allowed to explore BDSM differently."
yes every thing you have written is more or less true but the truth is you unlike me haven't shared a mind-set of play or anything to give the original OP to think over instead you have decided to question and dissect my open answer to the OPs original question .
I am open I answered the op question by detailing a thought process I and other D share this continuous questioning of others play styles is the reason a lot of D choose not to post in forums but hay your not the only one guilty of not giving only questioning in here .
after all its the hardest thing in the world to expressed what thought processes you go through during D/s play and opens you up to allsorts of misunderstands and the negative crap that comes from that especially those who don't have the balls to talk frankly about there sexual needs .
I'm not saying that you by the way but it is rather telling that some in here have fixated in my post outlining my and a few others D I know thought process when it comes to D/s play instead of offering the op there own alternative take and thought process when it comes to his original question,
but hay one has to be sure of ones self to answer the OP original question . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Eeeeeeeer I am doing what I do and playing in the way I play for my own pleasure I get off on control my own control as well as control over my play partners .
There is more to sex than the pleasure of the flesh wat about the mental pleasure of control .
Jesus I'm as selfish as the next man in my own way I like the power of control its a aphrodisiac to guys like me
Control is what drives a lot of Dominants its part of how they derive pleasure and part of what they need to feel pleasure .
Being given a blow job is boring to me directing a blow job being given to me is better taking my play partners mouth now we are talking ..especially when you have the control to not cum when doing it make her really work for that .
Hope that example helps you understand better
I understand what you were saying, I was just proposing that there are other ways to play too. Your way is not the only way and I was suggesting alternatives.
I don't get off on 'taking' things from my partners. I get off on them 'giving' to me.
I love the control - I get off on it. But it's a different kind of control to the one that you enjoy. And that's ok, we're all allowed to explore BDSM differently.
yes every thing you have written is more or less true but the truth is you unlike me haven't shared a mind-set of play or anything to give the original OP to think over instead you have decided to question and dissect my open answer to the OPs original question .
I am open I answered the op question by detailing a thought process I and other D share this continuous questioning of others play styles is the reason a lot of D choose not to post in forums but hay your not the only one guilty of not giving only questioning in here .
after all its the hardest thing in the world to expressed what thought processes you go through during D/s play and opens you up to allsorts of misunderstands and the negative crap that comes from that especially those who don't have the balls to talk frankly about there sexual needs .
I'm not saying that you by the way but it is rather telling that some in here have fixated in my post outlining my and a few others D I know thought process when it comes to D/s play instead of offering the op there own alternative take and thought process when it comes to his original question,
but hay one has to be sure of ones self to answer the OP original question . "
I have written my mindset in the posts above. You just haven't comprehended it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Lots of advice being given so mines short and sweet
Try and find a mentor 1st
Join a alternative site like fet life
Read books a good one being a ultimate guide to kink
Most importantly know what you want be it your pleasure or your subs then it's act/show/role play from there. But for me the minute you start playing you can not come out of character |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"
Eeeeeeeer I am doing what I do and playing in the way I play for my own pleasure I get off on control my own control as well as control over my play partners .
There is more to sex than the pleasure of the flesh wat about the mental pleasure of control .
Jesus I'm as selfish as the next man in my own way I like the power of control its a aphrodisiac to guys like me
Control is what drives a lot of Dominants its part of how they derive pleasure and part of what they need to feel pleasure .
Being given a blow job is boring to me directing a blow job being given to me is better taking my play partners mouth now we are talking ..especially when you have the control to not cum when doing it make her really work for that .
Hope that example helps you understand better
I understand what you were saying, I was just proposing that there are other ways to play too. Your way is not the only way and I was suggesting alternatives.
I don't get off on 'taking' things from my partners. I get off on them 'giving' to me.
I love the control - I get off on it. But it's a different kind of control to the one that you enjoy. And that's ok, we're all allowed to explore BDSM differently.
yes every thing you have written is more or less true but the truth is you unlike me haven't shared a mind-set of play or anything to give the original OP to think over instead you have decided to question and dissect my open answer to the OPs original question .
I am open I answered the op question by detailing a thought process I and other D share this continuous questioning of others play styles is the reason a lot of D choose not to post in forums but hay your not the only one guilty of not giving only questioning in here .
after all its the hardest thing in the world to expressed what thought processes you go through during D/s play and opens you up to allsorts of misunderstands and the negative crap that comes from that especially those who don't have the balls to talk frankly about there sexual needs .
I'm not saying that you by the way but it is rather telling that some in here have fixated in my post outlining my and a few others D I know thought process when it comes to D/s play instead of offering the op there own alternative take and thought process when it comes to his original question,
but hay one has to be sure of ones self to answer the OP original question .
I have written my mindset in the posts above. You just haven't comprehended it. "
no you haven't all you have said is you like to give but you haven't said why.
the sentences you have wrote could be written by anyone theres is nothing personal to them they are wishy and washy in my honest opinion.
where is your passion for that which you say you love and need to feel complete .
I like to give take control because it makes me feel more manly more of a man. I care very little for my own pleasure when I'm in the zone as i can become fixated on the power of making another lose control by taking control of the pleasure they receive.
my orgasm is my own it belongs to me to give or not to give that is a very important thing to me having the power over another's pleasure turns me on more that tits fanny asre everything .
right you see the difference I'm not vague in what I say I'm not using generic crap a teenager could spout nor is what I write wishes washy stuff that anyone with half a brain could be together .
where is your passion for the thing you claim to love in your writing .
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
no you haven't all you have said is you like to give but you haven't said why.
the sentences you have wrote could be written by anyone theres is nothing personal to them they are wishy and washy in my honest opinion.
where is your passion for that which you say you love and need to feel complete .
I like to give take control because it makes me feel more manly more of a man. I care very little for my own pleasure when I'm in the zone as i can become fixated on the power of making another lose control by taking control of the pleasure they receive.
my orgasm is my own it belongs to me to give or not to give that is a very important thing to me having the power over another's pleasure turns me on more that tits fanny asre everything .
right you see the difference I'm not vague in what I say I'm not using generic crap a teenager could spout nor is what I write wishes washy stuff that anyone with half a brain could be together .
where is your passion for the thing you claim to love in your writing .
"
Let me try again, to try and prove to you (some random bloke on the internet) how much I enjoy BDSM and how it's been my sex life for the past 16 years.
--
Anyone can spank a bare bottom, but it's the mental mindset and play that are far harder to understand and adapt to.
I will say this - you're going to have to get your head around the idea that there is more to sex than your orgasm if you want to become a successful top.
I am detached from my own orgasm (mostly because most men have consistently failed to be able to give me one). In fact I started topping because I realised that so many dominant men were all about 'taking' and never giving anything in return. I wanted to experiment with bringing something different to my play. The ability to unlearn that orgasms aren't the same thing as sexual pleasure for every single person is the hardest thing to get your head around.
You see, to me and an awful lot of other dominants it's key that our subs have no sexual power over us. Instead it is us that have sexual power over them. The mindset to have this control is one of the hardest parts of being dominant for those new to it. Some are not cut out for it and find different ways to enjoy this kind of play.
For me, and others, it's a natural way of being. We hold off and don't allow lust to cloud our judgement. We control ourselves and our subs sexual pleasure because we are control freaks. But for most, that level of control of ones own lust is a skill that they will never master - and that's ok too. It's not everybody's thing.
My mindset is about receiving pleasure - it's just not centred around orgasms. I expect my subs to please me in everything they do. I expect them to give themselves to me. I do not expect to have to take. If I have to take then I have failed in my dynamic - I have not chosen the right person for they will not do things for me without me forcing them to.
My subs have no sexual power over me. They understand that I can (and will) discard them at a moments notice. Not everyone likes to play this way, but for me and them it works. I like them to have lost control - but not through pleasure. They do not receive pleasure. They only get off on giving me pleasure.
As you can see - this is not some generic crap that a teenager would write. Nor is what I write wishy washy stuff. If my passion is not evident then it is my writing that is not up to scratch. And as a professional writer I would be disappointed if that were the case.
Alternatively you may like to realise that people express themselves in different ways - and what you feel is 'passionate' may not be the same as another's idea of the same thing. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Eeeeeeeer I am doing what I do and playing in the way I play for my own pleasure I get off on control my own control as well as control over my play partners .
There is more to sex than the pleasure of the flesh wat about the mental pleasure of control .
Jesus I'm as selfish as the next man in my own way I like the power of control its a aphrodisiac to guys like me
Control is what drives a lot of Dominants its part of how they derive pleasure and part of what they need to feel pleasure .
Being given a blow job is boring to me directing a blow job being given to me is better taking my play partners mouth now we are talking ..especially when you have the control to not cum when doing it make her really work for that .
Hope that example helps you understand better
I understand what you were saying, I was just proposing that there are other ways to play too. Your way is not the only way and I was suggesting alternatives.
I don't get off on 'taking' things from my partners. I get off on them 'giving' to me.
I love the control - I get off on it. But it's a different kind of control to the one that you enjoy. And that's ok, we're all allowed to explore BDSM differently.
yes every thing you have written is more or less true but the truth is you unlike me haven't shared a mind-set of play or anything to give the original OP to think over instead you have decided to question and dissect my open answer to the OPs original question .
I am open I answered the op question by detailing a thought process I and other D share this continuous questioning of others play styles is the reason a lot of D choose not to post in forums but hay your not the only one guilty of not giving only questioning in here .
after all its the hardest thing in the world to expressed what thought processes you go through during D/s play and opens you up to allsorts of misunderstands and the negative crap that comes from that especially those who don't have the balls to talk frankly about there sexual needs .
I'm not saying that you by the way but it is rather telling that some in here have fixated in my post outlining my and a few others D I know thought process when it comes to D/s play instead of offering the op there own alternative take and thought process when it comes to his original question,
but hay one has to be sure of ones self to answer the OP original question .
I have written my mindset in the posts above. You just haven't comprehended it.
no you haven't all you have said is you like to give but you haven't said why.
the sentences you have wrote could be written by anyone theres is nothing personal to them they are wishy and washy in my honest opinion.
where is your passion for that which you say you love and need to feel complete .
I like to give take control because it makes me feel more manly more of a man. I care very little for my own pleasure when I'm in the zone as i can become fixated on the power of making another lose control by taking control of the pleasure they receive.
my orgasm is my own it belongs to me to give or not to give that is a very important thing to me having the power over another's pleasure turns me on more that tits fanny asre everything .
right you see the difference I'm not vague in what I say I'm not using generic crap a teenager could spout nor is what I write wishes washy stuff that anyone with half a brain could be together .
where is your passion for the thing you claim to love in your writing .
"
Fair point. Well constructed posts from this guy. Clearly an educated thinker.
There are too many abrasive questioning types on this forum, its always the same people.
We often wonder if people on here write blogs or are reporters etc as they question everything. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
no you haven't all you have said is you like to give but you haven't said why.
the sentences you have wrote could be written by anyone theres is nothing personal to them they are wishy and washy in my honest opinion.
where is your passion for that which you say you love and need to feel complete .
I like to give take control because it makes me feel more manly more of a man. I care very little for my own pleasure when I'm in the zone as i can become fixated on the power of making another lose control by taking control of the pleasure they receive.
my orgasm is my own it belongs to me to give or not to give that is a very important thing to me having the power over another's pleasure turns me on more that tits fanny asre everything .
right you see the difference I'm not vague in what I say I'm not using generic crap a teenager could spout nor is what I write wishes washy stuff that anyone with half a brain could be together .
where is your passion for the thing you claim to love in your writing .
Let me try again, to try and prove to you (some random bloke on the internet) how much I enjoy BDSM and how it's been my sex life for the past 16 years.
--
Anyone can spank a bare bottom, but it's the mental mindset and play that are far harder to understand and adapt to.
I will say this - you're going to have to get your head around the idea that there is more to sex than your orgasm if you want to become a successful top.
I am detached from my own orgasm (mostly because most men have consistently failed to be able to give me one). In fact I started topping because I realised that so many dominant men were all about 'taking' and never giving anything in return. I wanted to experiment with bringing something different to my play. The ability to unlearn that orgasms aren't the same thing as sexual pleasure for every single person is the hardest thing to get your head around.
You see, to me and an awful lot of other dominants it's key that our subs have no sexual power over us. Instead it is us that have sexual power over them. The mindset to have this control is one of the hardest parts of being dominant for those new to it. Some are not cut out for it and find different ways to enjoy this kind of play.
For me, and others, it's a natural way of being. We hold off and don't allow lust to cloud our judgement. We control ourselves and our subs sexual pleasure because we are control freaks. But for most, that level of control of ones own lust is a skill that they will never master - and that's ok too. It's not everybody's thing.
My mindset is about receiving pleasure - it's just not centred around orgasms. I expect my subs to please me in everything they do. I expect them to give themselves to me. I do not expect to have to take. If I have to take then I have failed in my dynamic - I have not chosen the right person for they will not do things for me without me forcing them to.
My subs have no sexual power over me. They understand that I can (and will) discard them at a moments notice. Not everyone likes to play this way, but for me and them it works. I like them to have lost control - but not through pleasure. They do not receive pleasure. They only get off on giving me pleasure.
As you can see - this is not some generic crap that a teenager would write. Nor is what I write wishy washy stuff. If my passion is not evident then it is my writing that is not up to scratch. And as a professional writer I would be disappointed if that were the case.
Alternatively you may like to realise that people express themselves in different ways - and what you feel is 'passionate' may not be the same as another's idea of the same thing."
To be fair she has "pulled it back" with the response. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"
no you haven't all you have said is you like to give but you haven't said why.
the sentences you have wrote could be written by anyone theres is nothing personal to them they are wishy and washy in my honest opinion.
where is your passion for that which you say you love and need to feel complete .
I like to give take control because it makes me feel more manly more of a man. I care very little for my own pleasure when I'm in the zone as i can become fixated on the power of making another lose control by taking control of the pleasure they receive.
my orgasm is my own it belongs to me to give or not to give that is a very important thing to me having the power over another's pleasure turns me on more that tits fanny asre everything .
right you see the difference I'm not vague in what I say I'm not using generic crap a teenager could spout nor is what I write wishes washy stuff that anyone with half a brain could be together .
where is your passion for the thing you claim to love in your writing .
Let me try again, to try and prove to you (some random bloke on the internet) how much I enjoy BDSM and how it's been my sex life for the past 16 years.
--
Anyone can spank a bare bottom, but it's the mental mindset and play that are far harder to understand and adapt to.
I will say this - you're going to have to get your head around the idea that there is more to sex than your orgasm if you want to become a successful top.
I am detached from my own orgasm (mostly because most men have consistently failed to be able to give me one). In fact I started topping because I realised that so many dominant men were all about 'taking' and never giving anything in return. I wanted to experiment with bringing something different to my play. The ability to unlearn that orgasms aren't the same thing as sexual pleasure for every single person is the hardest thing to get your head around.
You see, to me and an awful lot of other dominants it's key that our subs have no sexual power over us. Instead it is us that have sexual power over them. The mindset to have this control is one of the hardest parts of being dominant for those new to it. Some are not cut out for it and find different ways to enjoy this kind of play.
For me, and others, it's a natural way of being. We hold off and don't allow lust to cloud our judgement. We control ourselves and our subs sexual pleasure because we are control freaks. But for most, that level of control of ones own lust is a skill that they will never master - and that's ok too. It's not everybody's thing.
My mindset is about receiving pleasure - it's just not centred around orgasms. I expect my subs to please me in everything they do. I expect them to give themselves to me. I do not expect to have to take. If I have to take then I have failed in my dynamic - I have not chosen the right person for they will not do things for me without me forcing them to.
My subs have no sexual power over me. They understand that I can (and will) discard them at a moments notice. Not everyone likes to play this way, but for me and them it works. I like them to have lost control - but not through pleasure. They do not receive pleasure. They only get off on giving me pleasure.
As you can see - this is not some generic crap that a teenager would write. Nor is what I write wishy washy stuff. If my passion is not evident then it is my writing that is not up to scratch. And as a professional writer I would be disappointed if that were the case.
Alternatively you may like to realise that people express themselves in different ways - and what you feel is 'passionate' may not be the same as another's idea of the same thing."
interrupt you have just rewritten my own words better than me but I'm not writer ,that is plagiarism I'm not going to take offence in this post but if these words turn up anywhere else I will sue the arse off you to the letter of the law .
you have some answers to answer here before I report you .
one are you researching a book .
two are you a reporter
three what are you doing plagiarising my own words as to do so is very disrespectful in my opinion .
you can answer in here or privately but ether way answer or I will get the mods involved . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
interrupt you have just rewritten my own words better than me but I'm not writer ,that is plagiarism I'm not going to take offence in this post but if these words turn up anywhere else I will sue the arse off you to the letter of the law .
you have some answers to answer here before I report you .
one are you researching a book .
two are you a reporter
three what are you doing plagiarising my own words as to do so is very disrespectful in my opinion .
you can answer in here or privately but ether way answer or I will get the mods involved ."
1. I'm not researching a book to do with BDSM. If I wanted to write a book on BDSM (which I have been considering, actually) I would draw on my experience from 16 years on the scene - not from a swingers forum.
2. I'm a journalist as my profession. I'm quite open about that.
3. I was taking the piss out of you, because you seemed unable to accept a differing viewpoint from your own and felt that I hadn't 'written passionately' about the way I do BDSM.
Sue away. You don't seem to understand what plagiarism is or the legalities surrounding it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
We are ALWAYS very careful as to what we say on here.
There ARE REPORTERS, people who write blogs secretly, and use info here for ideas on their jobs etc.
Some even have MULTIPLE profiles.
They cross message the sane people from two or three different accounts pretending to be different people.
It happens on all these type of sites, reporters/journalists etc will always hunt a salacious story possibility.
We NEVER know people TRUE MOTIVES, so caution is ALWAYS advised |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"that is plagiarism I'm not going to take offence in this post but if these words turn up anywhere else I will sue the arse off you to the letter of the law"
You wouldn't be given the time of day by any lawyer, never mind a court (which this matter would never reach in any case). You'd be well advised to check what the legal definition of plagiarism is before you start issuing threats of legal action. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"
interrupt you have just rewritten my own words better than me but I'm not writer ,that is plagiarism I'm not going to take offence in this post but if these words turn up anywhere else I will sue the arse off you to the letter of the law .
you have some answers to answer here before I report you .
one are you researching a book .
two are you a reporter
three what are you doing plagiarising my own words as to do so is very disrespectful in my opinion .
you can answer in here or privately but ether way answer or I will get the mods involved .
1. I'm not researching a book to do with BDSM. If I wanted to write a book on BDSM (which I have been considering, actually) I would draw on my experience from 16 years on the scene - not from a swingers forum.
2. I'm a journalist as my profession. I'm quite open about that.
3. I was taking the piss out of you, because you seemed unable to accept a differing viewpoint from your own and felt that I hadn't 'written passionately' about the way I do BDSM.
Sue away. You don't seem to understand what plagiarism is or the legalities surrounding it."
no where in your profile does it state you are a journalist .
secondly you offer no counter though process what you offer could have been written by a 12 year old with internet access up until you rewrote my own words .
given your attempts at belittling me were just a reworking of my own take of my personal play style written better than me I might add but still nothing personal from you .
I'm now going to report your behave to the mods you have no very on your profile and I not sure your not here doing research for you own ends what ever they may be which goes against the sprit of this site and makes people as has already been stated nervous about expressing themselves a sad state of affairs when such a situation arises in my opinion .
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
no where in your profile does it state you are a journalist .
"
After a quick scan of your profile, I don't believe you listed your job title in your profile either. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
no where in your profile does it state you are a journalist .
After a quick scan of your profile, I don't believe you listed your job title in your profile either."
More seriously - I'm actually a journalist working in a technical field. I don't write about sex. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
People can say ANYTHING here.
The job they have their field in that job, ANYTHING.
The fact is some people are on here to make money in one shape or form. Be it discreet or not so discreet escorting, selling sex toys/lingerie, writing articles or stories for magazines.
People can say whatever they want, the fact is some DO have an agenda that is not in the spirit if this site. They will obviously say otherwise.
Now I will follow this later as I'm off to work, I'm an ice cream van driver.
In a technical field of mr whippy.
I'm not here to sell you ice creams. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I love the idea of a 'Dom' but I have no idea where to start, it's a little bit daunting and full on for a newbie, hub has no interest in it."
I'm a female that has gone down this line. Feel free to message me if you want to chat. X |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Wow I thought this was meant to be fun, and all from a question asking for help or advice.
I admit haven't read all the posts (work to do) but surely one mans gold is another mans coal so you will always have a difference of opinion
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"
no where in your profile does it state you are a journalist .
After a quick scan of your profile, I don't believe you listed your job title in your profile either.
More seriously - I'm actually a journalist working in a technical field. I don't write about sex."
right I have checked out your other profile nothing in it leads me to believe that is you and blocking me in the middle of a polite conversation does nothing for you cause what so ever .
the evidence is here for all to see let them make there minds up about you as I'm now done with the matter
good day to you girl I wish you well and all the best
john |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
As a Dom ask your sub limits, codes etc.
What does amuse me is everyone says communication is the key, I agree totally.
Yet, often these threads get stuck in semantics and lack of communication, which begs the question, do Doms listen on here?
If not....
It is a thought, not a lamp post to piss on. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"As a Dom ask your sub limits, codes etc.
What does amuse me is everyone says communication is the key, I agree totally.
Yet, often these threads get stuck in semantics and lack of communication, which begs the question, do Doms listen on here?
If not....
It is a thought, not a lamp post to piss on."
This made me giggle as I was thinking the same thing. The advice was asked as the mister is naturally dominant but also wary of pushing boundaries. I think part of him struggles to believe or trust that I'm enjoying what I ask for. With me it's definitely a head space thing more than any actual kink. I like to give myself to somebody without reservation which is a fairly new experience for the mister. But he's doing great certainly no complaints from me |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
