FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > What is the best way to get a reply?
What is the best way to get a reply?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ok, so iv been on this site about 5 months. Iv had maybe 3 replies in about 100 messages. Im not sure if its me as a person or whether im deeply in denial about whether or not im attractive at all. Im not looking for romance, im looking for fun plain and simple. I like to think i portray myself quote well, im always polite and well mannered,i never go straight in with a dick pic or w/e as i know thays not everyonea cup of tea. I dont know if its just purely down to not being verified, if that is the case, how am i supposed to go about doing that??? I try pretty hard to put thought into my messages, bit it just seems to fakl on deaf ears every time. If somebody could let me know whats wrong with me, that woukd be great!!! ???? x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You are but a pebble on a huge beach full of pebbles.
Some are shiny, some have lovely patterns, some are smooth, some a worn, some are dull, some are broken and some are twisted.
Some are not even a pebble.
You may catch someone's eye as the sun shines and you are lucky enough that they walk past you at the right moment.
You may be lucky enough that they pick you up and look at you.
You may be lucky enough that they might put you in their pocket and fondle you there all warm and cosy  and hope they don't drop you, or cast you into the sea.
They might hold you for a while until a shinier prettier pebble catches their eye.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just make sure you read the profile in full and not just straight to the pictures (as most do on here). Show you have taken the time to read it, they may have a secret word they want you to use to show you have bothered to read it (like we do) and definitely make the message stand out as in don't send "fancy a fuck" etc, don't make it too long (as some either might not have the time to read it or may just get bored and delete it) but make it longer than a simple sentence, oh and always include a face picture too, avoid the cock pics unless they state they want them on their profile of course. You will get your fair share of rejection as we have done and still do but simply take it on the chin and move on |
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By *ilk_TreMan
over a year ago
Wherever the party is! |
"You are but a pebble on a huge beach full of pebbles.
Some are shiny, some have lovely patterns, some are smooth, some a worn, some are dull, some are broken and some are twisted.
Some are not even a pebble.
You may catch someone's eye as the sun shines and you are lucky enough that they walk past you at the right moment.
You may be lucky enough that they pick you up and look at you.
You may be lucky enough that they might put you in their pocket and fondle you there all warm and cosy and hope they don't drop you, or cast you into the sea.
They might hold you for a while until a shinier prettier pebble catches their eye.
"
Best. Reply. Ever. |
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"You are but a pebble on a huge beach full of pebbles.
Some are shiny, some have lovely patterns, some are smooth, some a worn, some are dull, some are broken and some are twisted.
Some are not even a pebble.
You may catch someone's eye as the sun shines and you are lucky enough that they walk past you at the right moment.
You may be lucky enough that they pick you up and look at you.
You may be lucky enough that they might put you in their pocket and fondle you there all warm and cosy and hope they don't drop you, or cast you into the sea.
They might hold you for a while until a shinier prettier pebble catches their eye.
"
How true an analogy!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You are but a pebble on a huge beach full of pebbles.
Some are shiny, some have lovely patterns, some are smooth, some a worn, some are dull, some are broken and some are twisted.
Some are not even a pebble.
You may catch someone's eye as the sun shines and you are lucky enough that they walk past you at the right moment.
You may be lucky enough that they pick you up and look at you.
You may be lucky enough that they might put you in their pocket and fondle you there all warm and cosy and hope they don't drop you, or cast you into the sea.
They might hold you for a while until a shinier prettier pebble catches their eye.
"
Oh my word. I am putting your reply up for a Grammy. The best, very Best, reply EVER. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You are but a pebble on a huge beach full of pebbles.
Some are shiny, some have lovely patterns, some are smooth, some a worn, some are dull, some are broken and some are twisted.
Some are not even a pebble.
You may catch someone's eye as the sun shines and you are lucky enough that they walk past you at the right moment.
You may be lucky enough that they pick you up and look at you.
You may be lucky enough that they might put you in their pocket and fondle you there all warm and cosy and hope they don't drop you, or cast you into the sea.
They might hold you for a while until a shinier prettier pebble catches their eye.
Best. Reply. Ever."
Agreed.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry OP. I fogot to comment.
Me me? I see a big block of text to read all in one chunk and I am too lazy to read that much, so I don't.
I quickly skirt to the pictures as interest has been knocked, I see a hoodie and a baseball cap. I've already gone....
You might be the loveliest guy in the world, but for me.... you shot yourself in the foot.
Space out your text and borry someone kitten or puppy to do a new shot for here and i best you'll be very busy. You're a good looking guy and a toned body. Whats not to like?
Penny
xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You are but a pebble on a huge beach full of pebbles.
Some are shiny, some have lovely patterns, some are smooth, some a worn, some are dull, some are broken and some are twisted.
Some are not even a pebble.
You may catch someone's eye as the sun shines and you are lucky enough that they walk past you at the right moment.
You may be lucky enough that they pick you up and look at you.
You may be lucky enough that they might put you in their pocket and fondle you there all warm and cosy and hope they don't drop you, or cast you into the sea.
They might hold you for a while until a shinier prettier pebble catches their eye.
Best. Reply. Ever."
I thought it rambled on a bit. Could have kept it short like....
Get to a club! Done. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Stick with it buddy, your photos are fine and you're are a good looking chap, the analogy is correct we are all just pebbles on the beach, how poetic and how true, always remain polite and non pushy and its down to getting what you deserve, if you're nice you will get a nice response.... eventually |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You are but a pebble on a huge beach full of pebbles.
Some are shiny, some have lovely patterns, some are smooth, some a worn, some are dull, some are broken and some are twisted.
Some are not even a pebble.
I love this lol....great way to put it x
You may catch someone's eye as the sun shines and you are lucky enough that they walk past you at the right moment.
You may be lucky enough that they pick you up and look at you.
You may be lucky enough that they might put you in their pocket and fondle you there all warm and cosy and hope they don't drop you, or cast you into the sea.
They might hold you for a while until a shinier prettier pebble catches their eye.
"
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By *ll 4 herCouple
over a year ago
Bury/Bolton |
"You are but a pebble on a huge beach full of pebbles.
Some are shiny, some have lovely patterns, some are smooth, some a worn, some are dull, some are broken and some are twisted.
Some are not even a pebble.
You may catch someone's eye as the sun shines and you are lucky enough that they walk past you at the right moment.
You may be lucky enough that they pick you up and look at you.
You may be lucky enough that they might put you in their pocket and fondle you there all warm and cosy and hope they don't drop you, or cast you into the sea.
They might hold you for a while until a shinier prettier pebble catches their eye.
"
Just about says it all
Once you've taken on board the other advice that is, until then you're not even the pebble as they said  |
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"Ok, so iv been on this site about 5 months. Iv had maybe 3 replies in about 100 messages. Im not sure if its me as a person or whether im deeply in denial about whether or not im attractive at all. Im not looking for romance, im looking for fun plain and simple. I like to think i portray myself quote well, im always polite and well mannered,i never go straight in with a dick pic or w/e as i know thays not everyonea cup of tea. I dont know if its just purely down to not being verified, if that is the case, how am i supposed to go about doing that??? I try pretty hard to put thought into my messages, bit it just seems to fakl on deaf ears every time. If somebody could let me know whats wrong with me, that woukd be great!!! ???? x"
I'm very picky, perhaps judgemental of someone's profile...or what it says about them, like everyone I guess..
But to me, your profile says:
- will fuck anything
- Im here as I am pretty much guaranteed sex
- I want anal as off site birds wont go there
- even if you are....just email me. I will fuck anyone
- not going to tell you anything about me as I just want to fuck. anyone.
From this woman's point of view...your profile sounds a little disrespectful towards to users of this site. Obv the female users, as that is who you are trying to attract.
In my short time here and my long time as a sexual being, there are different attitudes towards being sexual and sharing that with others.
And your profile stinks of the 'she's a slut as she will fuck anything' type.
That is the reason I would over look your profile. Cant say why others would.
Perhaps I am being a bit brutal but then this place can be at times!
If your messages are more than one liners, are tailored to the persons profile you are writing too (not cut and paste jobs please...yes, we do notice!) then your profile probably needs a tidy up. And that's what I noticed. Your post here seems sincere, genuine and human. Your profile doesn't.
Thats all x |
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By *ait88Man
over a year ago
Plymouth |
Make the titles of your messages stand out – intriguing, funny, etc., so that people think “What the hell’s this all about?” and actually read the messages! It’s called a “narrative hook” and is used by authors to induce you to read the first pages of their books.
When you get desperate, lower your standards. If you look at the “Home” page regularly, especially late on week-end evenings, you will see posts by several “eager” women. This is a source of veris. if you have any sort of acting ability.
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"Make the titles of your messages stand out – intriguing, funny, etc., so that people think “What the hell’s this all about?” and actually read the messages! It’s called a “narrative hook” and is used by authors to induce you to read the first pages of their books.
When you get desperate, lower your standards. If you look at the “Home” page regularly, especially late on week-end evenings, you will see posts by several “eager” women. This is a source of veris. if you have any sort of acting ability.
"
I don't understand where single guys get their bad rep from.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Your profile doesn't really say anything about you, apart from you want anybody that is willing.
In my limited wisdom, that's not how most people want to feel."
OP, your profile is designed to appeal to all. By doing that, you appeal to no one.
Try revealing you. That way, you will appeal to someone. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for the advice, and i must admit, the pebble analogy was kind of brilliant. Maybe i ought to change up my profile and say a little more about myself. As for the photos, if i dressed any differently, i wouldnt be portraying my true self and therefor being somebody im not, which is not for me. I did not mean to come off derogatory or offensive to anyone i just simply put how i felt into words. But thank you for the feedback, all feedback is good feedback in my opinion. Thanks again guys, happy fabbing!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You may catch someone's eye as the sun shines and you are lucky enough that they walk past you at the right moment.
You may be lucky enough that they pick you up and look at you.
You may be lucky enough that they might put you in their pocket and fondle you there all warm and cosy"
Stoooop you're turning me on :P
OP, you mention on your profile that "we're all here for the same thing arent we??" Well actually no, we aren't. You may think it should simple cos you're a guy looking for a woman... But this is a swinging site, and the majority of users are on here looking for more complicated things than what you can find on a singles site or even down the pub. Mrs Mia Wallace has pretty much covered my thoughts on this - there are lots of single guys that don't understand or even respect this lifestyle but jump in cos of the promise of easy sex; and your profile sounds like you may be one of them.
On the plus side, there is nothing wrong with your attractiveness levels |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When you get desperate, lower your standards. If you look at the “Home” page regularly, especially late on week-end evenings, you will see posts by several “eager” women."
Oh is *that* why I get all the "come meet me at my hotel room" "interest" on Saturday nights :P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for the advice, and i must admit, the pebble analogy was kind of brilliant. Maybe i ought to change up my profile and say a little more about myself. As for the photos, if i dressed any differently, i wouldnt be portraying my true self and therefor being somebody im not, which is not for me. I did not mean to come off derogatory or offensive to anyone i just simply put how i felt into words. But thank you for the feedback, all feedback is good feedback in my opinion. Thanks again guys, happy fabbing!! "
Respect to you Adam! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for the advice, and i must admit, the pebble analogy was kind of brilliant. Maybe i ought to change up my profile and say a little more about myself. As for the photos, if i dressed any differently, i wouldnt be portraying my true self and therefor being somebody im not, which is not for me. I did not mean to come off derogatory or offensive to anyone i just simply put how i felt into words. But thank you for the feedback, all feedback is good feedback in my opinion. Thanks again guys, happy fabbing!!
Respect to you Adam!"
And keep the baseball cap&hoodie combo - it'll protect you from classist people. |
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I think it helps if you have a genuine interest in the person you're messaging. Find something in their profile or interests which you'd like to comment on. Better still, if they've posted a status message, that gives an idea of something up to date and topical for them.
All the advice about profile text is useful in some ways, but not that important for getting 3% replies. I find a lot of people reply or decide not to reply without even reading my profile. (I'm a silver subscriber member so I can see who's opened my profile and when).
The other thing I can do as a silver subscriber is keep some private notes attached to people's profiles - notes they can't see. Sometimes I copy a person's status message there, so I can later respond to it.
Most people are here for sex of some kind, but I think most people also like to be treated as a whole person, not just a sex object or potential conquest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I open with my favourite joke..
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."
aaaaannnnnd..... nothing xD
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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the people looking for single males wIll find you if they are interested. They get so many messages from so many dickheads, it just pisses them off. The reality is most of us will never get a meet because, as has been said ad infinitum, the ratio of men to women.
Look at fab membership like a buying a lottery ticket each week. The odds are tiny but the hope of good fortune does you good and it all good fun to chat here |
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By *oxesMan
over a year ago
Southend, Essex |
I was like you 3 years ago when I first joined fab.
no self confidence in my looks, and emo vulnrable.
yes I know I might not be a stunner but fab has taught me that there is at least one person outthere who finds youattractive.
my advive is to
1) be persistant ( but not harasive), I did rudimental maths once and for every 1 single f there are 75 M and every MF there are 10 M.
2) the amount of messages mf and women get on here are astranomical, your best to answer when they are online, be quickly and original "fncy a fuck" is so boring. and if they havent read (NOT READ) then don't be afraid to message them again. MF an F get so many messages the chances are the message had dropped off the first page of their inbox.
3) get varis and start to networking. it's hard for single guys to get varies or meets ironically without varies. there often a passive agresivness towards new single men joining fab (especially those with no varies). " I remeber when I furst joined spendding my usual 5-10 mins reading a profile them messaging a couple who replied edith Blyton exspects, I thought that was the name of women,it turned out they were taking the piss).
the best way to get varied is by going to a club, however just by going to a club is no garentee of varis. my first club; OP4F. I rember not talking to anyone other than o be of the barmaids who was more bored than watching paint dry, and herts honny who I played with, She did not reciprocate my varification but displayed it.
so network, talk to people of both sexes.
and finbaly have fun. |
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" I find a lot of people reply or decide not to reply without even reading my profile. (I'm a silver subscriber member so I can see who's opened my profile and when)."
That's not necessarily true.....
I look at profiles in Ninja mode. I became fed up of 'I saw you looking at my profile' messages being sent to me....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your profile says you're a non-smoker. What's that between your fingers in your second pic? If you are not honest about that, what else are you not being honest about?
Just saying. |
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For me the contradiction of photo v'so non smoker is a no
The pictures. . Great to see face but hoods /caps ...no
Don't want to tell me about you but have no type....you're a fuck and go...no
Sorry |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"For me the contradiction of photo v'so non smoker is a no
The pictures. . Great to see face but hoods /caps ...no
Don't want to tell me about you but have no type....you're a fuck and go...no
Ok, for a start, i find that pretty petty that you would pick me up on having a cigarette in ONE of my pictures!! I am now a smoke free guy which i am very proud of tyvm!! Secondly, i dont have a type..... at all, im not just going to lie because thats not me!! And finally, if you're happy to immediately judge somebodies personality/ character on how they dress, then i feel wuite sorry for you!
Sorry "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We dont see much wrong with the text we do think you should drop the pic of baseball cap and hoodie into private and have your profile pic as the body shot its a good pic and well taken utilise it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for the advice, and i must admit, the pebble analogy was kind of brilliant. Maybe i ought to change up my profile and say a little more about myself. As for the photos, if i dressed any differently, i wouldnt be portraying my true self and therefor being somebody im not, which is not for me. I did not mean to come off derogatory or offensive to anyone i just simply put how i felt into words. But thank you for the feedback, all feedback is good feedback in my opinion. Thanks again guys, happy fabbing!! "
Interesting point about dressing as your 'true self'. For many, the swing scene is a fantasy, and therefore they do not dress the way they would in everyday life. Women especially will go to meets wearing stockings, lingerie, skirts and heels, whereas in everyday life they will be wearing jeans and flats and boring underwear. Women who go to clubs/parties bump up the effort even more and there may be corsets, cocktail dresses, rubber/leather. Look at photos of women across Fab - most are dressed to be sexy. I appreciate it's a bit harder for men to do the same, but it's still the norm for men on the swing scene to try and improve their sex appeal by perhaps dressing in a way that they would not dress to collect the kids from school. I can assure you that if I dressed according to 'my true self' on our profile, men would not be giving our profile a second glance. And if I turned up for a meet dressed as I do when I'm going to Tescos, most men would be pretty disapointed, and I don't think me saying 'this is the real me' would wash. If women are expected by men to dress sexily, then I don't see why men can't do the same for women.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thats a fair point, i guess. Maybe iv overlooked that detail. But im getting some conflicting messages here. How would you suggest i dress then? Im not going to run to the sex shop and get myself a ball gag and gimp suit!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thats a fair point, i guess. Maybe iv overlooked that detail. But im getting some conflicting messages here. How would you suggest i dress then? Im not going to run to the sex shop and get myself a ball gag and gimp suit!! "
Admittedly I'm coming from an area of the lifestyle that is maybe not of interest to you, as since writing my post I've had another look at your profile and see that you are only looking for single ladies. I have no experience of Fab with regards to one-on-one MF meets, so I don't know what single women expect of single men, or if single women dress up for a meet. The party scene tends to be geered around creating a sexual fantasy in the image, but admittedly less so for private meets. Certainly when we've had private meets for threesome fun, the men usually dress a bit smarter than they would in the daytime.
With regards to profile pics, I would advise you to say to yourself 'does that picture make me look sexy?' You're a goodlooking guy with a good body - most men don't have that, so you are at an advantage.
The other thing I would suggest. As you are only looking for single ladies, if you are not already, you should also try casual dating sites, which may be more geered up for one-on-one meets. It's just that some guys find they get more sex down that avenue.
Mrs |
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Unfortunately on here we do all judge rightly or wrongly based on what we see and read so you can call me petty if you like it doesn't change the fact that with so many guys on here women will look make a judgement and move on or not.
The other post expanded on the point by pointing out fab is not not reality. ...
You ask a question and we all point out what dies or doesn't draw us in or raises concerns.
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"Thats a fair point, i guess. Maybe iv overlooked that detail. But im getting some conflicting messages here. How would you suggest i dress then? Im not going to run to the sex shop and get myself a ball gag and gimp suit!! "
Oh. Congratulations as well on the no smoking
Crisp shirt and proper trousers
Jean's and open shirt.
Look at some of the profiles on the hotlist or forum guys.. There's some really hot angles and creative shots
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Be yourself. Be honest. Be respecful and wear what you want.
Then you attract the people you want to/like minded people.
Theres nothing worse than an out of club meet whos persona is totally different to what they say they are/representing.
As someone said, clubs are different and its all on face value and i went to a club before I even joined fab.
And two years later.....
Go to some socials/clubs etc.... yep, can be abit scary at first but after a while, those nerves are wonderful anticipation feelings of what lies ahead....
Oh, n dont type on a small keyboard. Typos look awful!
*checks spelling |
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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago
not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds) |
"Thats a fair point, i guess. Maybe iv overlooked that detail. But im getting some conflicting messages here. How would you suggest i dress then? Im not going to run to the sex shop and get myself a ball gag and gimp suit!! "
You'll get a different response from every post ...they're offering an opinion about their preferences, you can't please all of them..
Best advice ., be yourself, be creative, be an individual, if the way you're doing things now ain't working you'll need to figure out the way that works for you.. no one has a magic potion
Have fun finding out what works |
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even tho they don't meet your high standards ect 