FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Rejection
Rejection
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Was supposed to be meeting a really hot couple this Thursday for a social. Told them I had the virus for herpes. They cancelled the meet.
Don't know why I'm posting this to be honest. Just feel kind of depressed. It makes it worse that they were so good looking and actually showed an interest in me.
I want to have fun, but I feel a bit like a lepar, in that very few people want to touch me, let alone have sex with me.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Sadly the Herpes virus isn't something that once caught, you can get rid of.
I feel for you, but I must say how much respect I have for you for letting people know first  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Bravo for your honesty
The thing with herpes is that once you've got it, it's for life, even at time when your not having an outbreak of the visible open sores, there is a minimal risk that it can still be passed on and they evidently weren't willing to take the risk, that's their decision and as much as it's disappointing it needs to be respected, but you made the right choice in giving them the ability to make an informed choice about meeting you |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I have to say if someone i was meeting told me they had an incurable sti i would think twice about meeting too.
Even though it's a social i would feel like i was wasting your time and stringing you along if i did meet you because i definitely wouldn't want to play at any future meet.
Your honesty is refreshing though OP and i applaud you for it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Thanks for the replies.
I've always had cold sores, so I have oral herpes. However, I caught genital a couple of years ago from someone. So I have both. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Thanks for the replies.
I've always had cold sores, so I have oral herpes. However, I caught genital a couple of years ago from someone. So I have both. "
Unlucky. But its good that you're honest about this sort of thing. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I suppose I should feel good that I was honest, but instead feel worse than ever."
Don't feel worse mate, let me tell you it takes a BIG fucking man to openly admit what you have. I'm more than willing to bet there's a few who wouldn't.
You really do have my sincere respect |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I am reliably informed about 7 million people in Britain carry this particular virus..I was also told it can only be passed on when it flares up.Can lay dormant for years until you get stressed or set it off..
It is normally invisible like hiv so lots of people on this site will be carriers,tho few will be honest about it and what a price you have paid.
It is another good reason to practice safer sex
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I suppose I should feel good that I was honest, but instead feel worse than ever.
Don't feel worse mate, let me tell you it takes a BIG fucking man to openly admit what you have. I'm more than willing to bet there's a few who wouldn't.
You really do have my sincere respect "
Thank you. I really appreciate it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I get cold sores a lot the trouble is they are at their most contagious when they are at the early tingling stage.
The key is to know your own body and when to expect one. I've cancelled meets when I've been really stressed as that's when I get them and at the tingling stage. Using cream at first sign sometimes means you won't get a cold so appear at all.
Happy to say in knowing my body I have never given anyone a cold sore |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Simplex 1 or 2?
Both I think"
Was going to say - if it's type 1 (which contrary to popular belief can cause genital blisters as well as coldsores) then such a massive % of the population already carry it that I wouldn't even bother telling people about it. I don't, I just know my body and know if I've got a coldsore coming on, and have cancelled because of it.
Type 2 is more of an issue for people since it tends to be more severe. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Simplex 1 or 2?
Both I think
Was going to say - if it's type 1 (which contrary to popular belief can cause genital blisters as well as coldsores) then such a massive % of the population already carry it that I wouldn't even bother telling people about it. I don't, I just know my body and know if I've got a coldsore coming on, and have cancelled because of it.
Type 2 is more of an issue for people since it tends to be more severe."
Not sure If I should just put it on my profile to save wasting peoples time. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Was supposed to be meeting a really hot couple this Thursday for a social. Told them I had the virus for herpes. They cancelled the meet.
Don't know why I'm posting this to be honest. Just feel kind of depressed. It makes it worse that they were so good looking and actually showed an interest in me.
I want to have fun, but I feel a bit like a lepar, in that very few people want to touch me, let alone have sex with me.
"
Fair play to you for your honesty on here. In sure there are plenty who gave the virus but keep quiet about it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *sym45Man
over a year ago
JE2 |
Your a Top Bloke for being totally honest !
FYI - I went out with an ex for 4 years in the early nineties.She too had Herpes Simplex.
We would give it a miss if she had a cold sore.
Got checked after we ended and checked since.All ok.Think best bet see your Doc for
further advice in case of new medicines etc.
It's great that you've been frank ! But don't let
it get on top of you.Good luck chief !! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ost SockMan
over a year ago
West Wales and Cardiff |
Yes, I think your honesty was good.
If you mention it, perhaps add a very brief comment explaining the facts around it, in order to Inform and even challenge misconceptions.
I think I've seen one or two women do that on here. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I can deal with rejection.
I think I'm down about the fact that I'm likely to get rejected by just about everyone I speak to - for something that I can't change.
I know a couple people who are okay with on this site, but that's it.
I don't think telling people the facts is really going to make any difference either unfortunately. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Well I am in awe of your honesty, and I did not realise there were two stains of the virus so I have learned something too (need to research this!)
Might it be an idea to confirm by blood test which you have? If it is only 1 then as someone said millions have it and people just avoid meeting with a flare up. Is that so of 2 as well? I've never had a cold sore so would avoid Im afraid, but my goodness I applaud your honesty. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well I am in awe of your honesty, and I did not realise there were two stains of the virus so I have learned something too (need to research this!)
Might it be an idea to confirm by blood test which you have? If it is only 1 then as someone said millions have it and people just avoid meeting with a flare up. Is that so of 2 as well? I've never had a cold sore so would avoid Im afraid, but my goodness I applaud your honesty. "
It used to be the case that simplex 1 was oral (coldsores) and simplex 2 was genital. But the increasing prevalence of oral sex means that that line is now blurred, i.e. you can develop genital blisters from someone going down on you with a coldsore, but it's still the same strain of the virus that everyone who has ever had a coldsore (and millions more who haven't, but still carry it) already have. I know less about simplex 2 but I believe that's always genital sores and sufferers get more frequent attacks so are at higher risk of "shedding" the virus to others even when they don't have visible sores. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Are all these people saying they wouldn't meet someone with the genital herpes virus also saying they won't meet people who carry the coldsore virus? Because that rules out a hell of a huge amount of people.
Both types are only contagious during a breakout, and i'd like to hope people would have the common sense to not meet then. And anyone could be a carrier without knowing, it can take years for the first breakout to happen.
I get coldsores and have done my entire life. I've cancelled meets because of them. But i've never felt the need to hide the fact i get them, though I understand there isn't the same stigma as with genital herpes. We've probably all met a carrier of the virus without even knowing. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ait88Man
over a year ago
Plymouth |
Both versions are only infectious WHEN you have symptoms. These are very obvious, and you wouldn’t try to meet people if you had them. And they would see them and wouldn’t play with you. What’s the point of telling people you have a latent infection that it is IMPOSSIBLE for them to catch, and which about half of them ALREADY HAVE? (See wikipedia). Most swingers choose to be ignorant about the details of STIs, and you are just frightening them away needlessly. Chicken pox is caused by a very similar virus. When it recurs, it’s called “shingles”. Have you had chicken pox? Do you warn people about it? Ludicrous! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The lack of understanding about a very common virus is astounding.
Cold sores, chicken pox, shingles....all forms of the same virus known as herpes.
Hsv-1 commonly known as cold sores can also appear on gentials as ruby said earlier. Usually less severe than hsv-2
Any time a thread comes up about sti's it's quite worrying how little people actually understand about them. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Both versions are only infectious WHEN you have symptoms. These are very obvious, and you wouldn’t try to meet people if you had them. And they would see them and wouldn’t play with you. What’s the point of telling people you have a latent infection that it is IMPOSSIBLE for them to catch, and which about half of them ALREADY HAVE? (See wikipedia). Most swingers choose to be ignorant about the details of STIs, and you are just frightening them away needlessly. Chicken pox is caused by a very similar virus. When it recurs, it’s called “shingles”. Have you had chicken pox? Do you warn people about it? Ludicrous!"
A lot of people can experience mild symptoms that mimic those of the flu virus and therefore mistake it for flu or mild itching/discomfort when Urinating that can easily be mistaken for a simple UTI, before any visible sores appear during the flare up and it can still be passed on during play at that time. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
A breath of honesty on a thread. Refreshing.
As ever, many people are ill informed about such things and everyone is terrified of being black listed if they admit they ever caught an sti.
Most stis are treatable. If someone admitted to having caught chlamydia once I imagine they'd never get a meet again even though it's so easily treatable that they don't even need to test you to check its gone.
My hat is truly doffed to you sir for your honesty.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
OP - thank god you are who you are. Honest and decent.
Having herbies as a condition is something you can't change, and so please don't look on it as something bad (taking a leaf from thoughts on disability or sexuality here). It will put many people off, but I would argue they have a right to know.
Thanks for being so honest, and with that kind of open and decent attitude you'll find lots of people who will like you. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I suppose I should feel good that I was honest, but instead feel worse than ever."
You have nothing to feel bad about at all. It took a lot of bravery to admit that. You respected the couple, by admitting something that I'm sure wasn't easy to do. Some wouldn't be that brave. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
From the Herpes Viruses Associaton.
"Genital herpes is caused by a herpes simplex virus (type 1 or type 2) – nearly everyone (70%) will catch at least one type, sooner or later.
Most don’t know they have it: 1 in 5 will have no symptoms; 3 in 5 will have mild symptoms so are unlikely to be diagnosed; 1 in 5 will have obvious symptoms and will be diagnosed.
The word ‘incurable’ is used to make it seem important when it isn’t.
Some people get recurrences – we can advise on how these can be reduced and stopped.
It’s not the only infection that stays with us – chickenpox, glandular fever and many other infections also hide in the body. Nobody makes a fuss about them.
Other web sites exaggerate the worst cases and tell you herpes is serious. Don’t be fooled. You don’t have to worry about it. Join the HVA to get lots of information and get it in proportion. Professor George Kinghorn, a sexual health consultant in Sheffield, says: “… to be infected with a herpes simplex virus is a state of normality. We tend to make this into a big deal instead of saying that to be infected with herpes virus is something that happens to all adults, some with symptoms and some of us without.” Read more.
Important: If you have not been diagnosed, do not jump to conclusions! Find out what you have: go to a Sexual Health (Genitourinary Medicine) Clinic. There is one at most general hospitals or search here. We cannot diagnose what might be affecting you by email or on the telephone helpline."
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
OP - firstly much respect for you being open to the perspective meet and for being even more open and upfront on here.
As its been said, learn your body, learn the traits and triggers that bring on flare ups...
It goes without saying...this is a sex site and 99.9 percent on here play safe. So if your not having a flare up go play.
The disclosure thing is up to you...yes you can put up you have an STI but we would also put up boos monthly cycle....both stop play when its happening.
If you dont feel comfortable having it out there, then disclose it when you want. But as you are aware of it just play with condoms from the start just to make sure |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Thank you to everyone that has provided encouragement and advice  I'll probably stay on the site a bit longer and hope someone is okay with it.
I'm no expert, but I suppose I should try and give the facts for those in the comments that were interested;
There are two types of the herpes simplex virus - HSV-1 and HSV-2.
HSV-1 usually causes blisters around the mouth (cold sores), and HSV-2 usually causes blisters in the genital area.
Both strains are relatively the same, with some differences, except they typically manifest themselves at different parts of the body.
However, someone could get HSV-2 on their lips (performing oral on someone with genital herpes), or HSV-1 on their genitals (receiving oral from someone that has oral herpes).
Perhaps the biggest difference is the social difference. Genital is much more stigmatised and embarrassing than oral.
If you already have oral HSV-1 (if you've ever had a coldsore at any point in your life), it's impossible to get HSV-1 on your genitals, although still possible to get HSV-2 on your genitals, and vice versa (I think).
Approximately 16% - 25% of the population has genital herpes (usually HSV-2) and the majority of the population has oral herpes (usually HSV-1). The more physical contact one has, the more likely they are to be part of these statistics.
Approximately 90% of those living with genital herpes don't know they have the virus, as they are asymptomatic. Even when they are tested for the virus, results of often false negatives (the girl that gave me herpes was tested negative).
There is such a thing as asymptomatic 'viral shedding'. Basically it's possible to transmit the virus even when no symptoms are present. The likelihood of this is fairly small if using condoms.
These facts might not all be accurate, so don't take my word for any of it. Feel free to correct any of it.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
