FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Social meet and kissing
Social meet and kissing
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Hi all
Looking for some support please.
Right so last night we had our first social meet (baby steps) and I let the Mrs kiss our guest. I was ok about this while the social meet was happening ( they kissed three times) And after we left, through the sexy session we had, But after sex. I started to analyse the evening and then I started to get emotional and now have conflicting feelings.
Anyone else experienced this in the beginning? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
And now you maybe realise you're not?
I feel for you, however imagine how much more worse you'd feel if they had full sex?
At least it was just a kiss, have you spoken to your partner about how you are feeling? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Yeah we have been speaking all day about it. Although all I seemed to of done is make her feel bad about it when it was my idea. I realise that having a meet would of been a lot worse. And I don't know how I would of handled that (probably the same) |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
This is when you need to be talking and listening to your partner. Be honest about how you feel and keep talking. The most important thing is your relationship and swinging should never jepodise that. You started swinging together and as long as you keep talking you can work thro this. Some tough and honest times ahead. Good luck xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Ok,
Well it's good that you have found this out now, don't read too much into the kiss though. You're only human, we have all thought we wanted something only for us to get it and realise that actually no that's not what we want.
Don't be disheartened or beat yourself up buddy, if you didn't try it how would you have known you weren't ready just yet  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do what we do, no kissing , simples  "
I don't think that is the OP's issue.
I think the thought of seeing his partner with another man in any situation doesn't sit well with him. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I started this fantasy and wanted to push our boundaries. It's been my over thinking that has put me in this place. Like I say I was ok while it was happening. Then when I started to analyse it I started to feel sad and uncomfortable. I have picked last night to pieces. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I started this fantasy and wanted to push our boundaries. It's been my over thinking that has put me in this place. Like I say I was ok while it was happening. Then when I started to analyse it I started to feel sad and uncomfortable. I have picked last night to pieces. "
Ok and what have you come to conclude after all day thinking about it? You dont have say on here, but you do have to be brutally honest with yourself and partner, if it's not for you pal, don't be afraid to say it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
OP the swinging lifestyle isn't for everyone and it may not be for you and your wife.
When i first joined fab i was seeing someone. After my first meet i felt incredibly guilty and couldn't handle it. I nearly gave up with fab and just stayed on here for the forums.
I only started meeting again after he moved away for work and we split up.
It's hard when you have feelings for someone and you can't predict how you will react until it happens |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *rx1Couple
over a year ago
North of Okehampton, South of Bideford |
Oh dear it looks like at least one of you is not going to like the next stage then. It did make us smile when you said "you allowed" your wife to kiss.
Will it be the same as "you allowed" your wife to be naughty? Does she not have a say in it at all.
From our perspective, this really isn't going to work for you as a 3 sum doesn't have room for that green eyed monster of jealousy.
If you cannot totally separate swinging from your relationship it will effect it.
"Hi all
Looking for some support please.
Right so last night we had our first social meet (baby steps) and I let the Mrs kiss our guest. I was ok about this while the social meet was happening ( they kissed three times) And after we left, through the sexy session we had, But after sex. I started to analyse the evening and then I started to get emotional and now have conflicting feelings.
Anyone else experienced this in the beginning? "
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I don't need to justify why this happened to people on here, people who don't know our relationship dynamic. Yes I would say allowed is the right word as I allowed our guest to kiss her. I was there and let it happen.
"Oh dear it looks like at least one of you is not going to like the next stage then. It did make us smile when you said "you allowed" your wife to kiss.
Will it be the same as "you allowed" your wife to be naughty? Does she not have a say in it at all.
From our perspective, this really isn't going to work for you as a 3 sum doesn't have room for that green eyed monster of jealousy.
If you cannot totally separate swinging from your relationship it will effect it.
Hi all
Looking for some support please.
Right so last night we had our first social meet (baby steps) and I let the Mrs kiss our guest. I was ok about this while the social meet was happening ( they kissed three times) And after we left, through the sexy session we had, But after sex. I started to analyse the evening and then I started to get emotional and now have conflicting feelings.
Anyone else experienced this in the beginning? "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
This is the wife! I would never do anything with another man unless the hubby allowed it. Of course if I didn't want to I wouldn't but he gets the final say.
Everyone's approach to getting into this is different. Our rule is if I am ok but he's not then it doesn't happen and vice versa. Because it was another man he gets the yay or nay after I agree.
We're looking for guidance and support not critisism and sarcasm!
"Oh dear it looks like at least one of you is not going to like the next stage then. It did make us smile when you said "you allowed" your wife to kiss.
Will it be the same as "you allowed" your wife to be naughty? Does she not have a say in it at all.
From our perspective, this really isn't going to work for you as a 3 sum doesn't have room for that green eyed monster of jealousy.
If you cannot totally separate swinging from your relationship it will effect it.
Hi all
Looking for some support please.
Right so last night we had our first social meet (baby steps) and I let the Mrs kiss our guest. I was ok about this while the social meet was happening ( they kissed three times) And after we left, through the sexy session we had, But after sex. I started to analyse the evening and then I started to get emotional and now have conflicting feelings.
Anyone else experienced this in the beginning? "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Sit, talk through it together.
After everytime we play i run boo a bath, pamper her. We then discuss the night into pros and cons...we then take away from it and learn.
We dont kiss.
We have a pre discussed code so we can call an end to things if one or the other is uncomfortable
It comes down to how you prepare yourself for meets and how you see them.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do what we do, no kissing , simples "
And what have sex? He isn't ready to share his partner!
Sometimes in our mind we want something,but in reality we don't! I am sorry didn't work out!Sending hugs! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Do what we do, no kissing , simples
And what have sex? He isn't ready to share his partner!
Sometimes in our mind we want something,but in reality we don't! I am sorry didn't work out!Sending hugs!"
Some see a difference between kissing and sex
Boo see's it as to intimate...she has never kissed anyone yet but enjoys the sex side of it all.
For some people its anal, for some its kissing. Its down the the couple to discuss and work it through.
Our first threesome was very "clinical" it was arranged that way....on the back of it all we learned and moved on from it.....the no kissing thing still applies.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
When I was younger I tried letting another woman play with my then bf and hated it . I felt so jealous and couldn't stop thinking about it :
When my current boyfriend suggested a threesome I assumed he meant with another woman and said there was no way I could do it /
In fact he was asking for me to play with other guys . He had experience of it in another relationship so knew he would be OK.
We have rules that we follow that might not be for everyone but works for us |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I think the way he feels about seeing me kiss a man has completely thrown us off. I'm not sure that ploughing on and trying sex without kissing would be the right thing to do as might cause damage which is harder to repair!!! (This is the wife!!) |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think the way he feels about seeing me kiss a man has completely thrown us off. I'm not sure that ploughing on and trying sex without kissing would be the right thing to do as might cause damage which is harder to repair!!! (This is the wife!!) "
you guys do what you feel is right for both of you! I don't know how people can say fuck is okay,but kiss isn't!I guess we are all different!I wish you all the best and that slowly you guys will sort all out! Don't overthink it! X
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *rx1Couple
over a year ago
North of Okehampton, South of Bideford |
oh dear
We didn't mean to strike a nerve, but that appears to be the way you have taken it. No offence was meant
Of course no one knows the dynamics of your relationship, but you have chosen for whatever reason to put your situation onto a Forum and people including us, will express their views.
"This is the wife! I would never do anything with another man unless the hubby allowed it. Of course if I didn't want to I wouldn't but he gets the final say.
Everyone's approach to getting into this is different. Our rule is if I am ok but he's not then it doesn't happen and vice versa. Because it was another man he gets the yay or nay after I agree.
We're looking for guidance and support not critisism and sarcasm!
Oh dear it looks like at least one of you is not going to like the next stage then. It did make us smile when you said "you allowed" your wife to kiss.
Will it be the same as "you allowed" your wife to be naughty? Does she not have a say in it at all.
From our perspective, this really isn't going to work for you as a 3 sum doesn't have room for that green eyed monster of jealousy.
If you cannot totally separate swinging from your relationship it will effect it.
Hi all
Looking for some support please.
Right so last night we had our first social meet (baby steps) and I let the Mrs kiss our guest. I was ok about this while the social meet was happening ( they kissed three times) And after we left, through the sexy session we had, But after sex. I started to analyse the evening and then I started to get emotional and now have conflicting feelings.
Anyone else experienced this in the beginning? "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think the way he feels about seeing me kiss a man has completely thrown us off. I'm not sure that ploughing on and trying sex without kissing would be the right thing to do as might cause damage which is harder to repair!!! (This is the wife!!) "
No it's the worse thing you can do, if you have these feelings after a social then it's time to step back and reassess. Is it really for you? Would you prefer something different with no actual contact with another person such as webcamming or just watching others or being watched in a club?? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
We post on here so we can ask people who have experience in this their advice and experiences. We appreciate all the support and advice we get from people but it seems some enjoy being sarcastic and judgemental more than most!! "No offence meant!"
"oh dear
We didn't mean to strike a nerve, but that appears to be the way you have taken it. No offence was meant
Of course no one knows the dynamics of your relationship, but you have chosen for whatever reason to put your situation onto a Forum and people including us, will express their views.
This is the wife! I would never do anything with another man unless the hubby allowed it. Of course if I didn't want to I wouldn't but he gets the final say.
Everyone's approach to getting into this is different. Our rule is if I am ok but he's not then it doesn't happen and vice versa. Because it was another man he gets the yay or nay after I agree.
We're looking for guidance and support not critisism and sarcasm!
Oh dear it looks like at least one of you is not going to like the next stage then. It did make us smile when you said "you allowed" your wife to kiss.
Will it be the same as "you allowed" your wife to be naughty? Does she not have a say in it at all.
From our perspective, this really isn't going to work for you as a 3 sum doesn't have room for that green eyed monster of jealousy.
If you cannot totally separate swinging from your relationship it will effect it.
Hi all
Looking for some support please.
Right so last night we had our first social meet (baby steps) and I let the Mrs kiss our guest. I was ok about this while the social meet was happening ( they kissed three times) And after we left, through the sexy session we had, But after sex. I started to analyse the evening and then I started to get emotional and now have conflicting feelings.
Anyone else experienced this in the beginning? "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think the way he feels about seeing me kiss a man has completely thrown us off. I'm not sure that ploughing on and trying sex without kissing would be the right thing to do as might cause damage which is harder to repair!!! (This is the wife!!)
No it's the worse thing you can do, if you have these feelings after a social then it's time to step back and reassess. Is it really for you? Would you prefer something different with no actual contact with another person such as webcamming or just watching others or being watched in a club?? "
We did start talking about that actually. Maybe cutting out the physical contact altogether but doing stuff like you suggested. Need to talk more through it and see where it takes us!! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I think the way he feels about seeing me kiss a man has completely thrown us off. I'm not sure that ploughing on and trying sex without kissing would be the right thing to do as might cause damage which is harder to repair!!! (This is the wife!!) "
That sounds very sensible, as is some of the advice above.
You tried it a little and it's rocked you. Perhaps it will never happen again. perhaps with time it will.
Don't beat yourselves up over it. Maybe just stay here for the forums for a while and see how things go |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"This is why I tend not to use the forums as I find no matter what the subject or question people will always turn it into something to have a pop at! "
Some people will, one has to sift through the posts |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
First of all I think firstly you need to work out exactly what is it that makes you unhappy. If it's jealousy and the fact you don't enjoy it as you thought you would then maybe it isn't for you. If it's that it's not the excepted 'norm' for loving couples (which is the so far from the truth it's not even funny) or that you feel guilty then carry on talking and see maybe just hang out socially on the scene for a bit and see where you go.
Whats important is don't over analyse it. In the end it was a couple of kisses and compared to what you share with each other it was nothing. Compared to what you share with each other Heveningham having sex with others is nothing.l, nothing but some fun. So treat it as such. If it didn't work then admit it didn't work and move on, with no grudges or concerns held.
Don't punish yourselves over something you tried openly and honestly together. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi all
Looking for some support please.
Right so last night we had our first social meet (baby steps)
...
I started to analyse the evening and then I started to get emotional and now have conflicting feelings.
Anyone else experienced this in the beginning? "
You are sharing one of the most intimate parts of your relationship, so it is not unnatural to feel emotional.
The good thing is that you are both talking about it. The next step is to agree between yourselves what you are comfortable with, which will probably change over time.
It is important to have clear boundaries so you can relax and have fun.
We are all on a journey that takes people to different places. As other posters rightly point out there are all sorts of ways to take the next step, which will be more emotionally intense.
Ultimately, if you don't enjoy anything don't do it.
Q |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Well it's a new day. Feeling a lot more positive today. We talked about a lot yesterday some good some bad and in conclusion we will still move forward in this crazy little world of swinging and try and reach the goals we set out. Thanks for all your support it really helped.
Lock and key X |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well it's a new day. Feeling a lot more positive today. We talked about a lot yesterday some good some bad and in conclusion we will still move forward in this crazy little world of swinging and try and reach the goals we set out. Thanks for all your support it really helped.
Lock and key X "
Good luck and hope the adventure works for you. Keep talking to each other at every step. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Have you thought about meeting a couple instead? It's a different dynamic. We have met single guys and whilst I am ok with it there is always trepidation on my part . You have to be 100% comfortable in any of this and if you aren't then is it worth risking what you have you a moment of fun? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have you thought about meeting a couple instead? It's a different dynamic. We have met single guys and whilst I am ok with it there is always trepidation on my part . You have to be 100% comfortable in any of this and if you aren't then is it worth risking what you have you a moment of fun? "
We have no idea from these posts how the woman in this relationship feels either. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
We had a hell of a lot of wobbles when we first started. Sometimes you have to build up, and get used to things. Mr loves things now that used to make him feel uncomfortable. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well it's a new day. Feeling a lot more positive today. We talked about a lot yesterday some good some bad and in conclusion we will still move forward in this crazy little world of swinging and try and reach the goals we set out. Thanks for all your support it really helped.
Lock and key X "
Glad to hear it just don't rush into anything and don't do anything your uncomfortable with.
Keep talking, reassuring each other and making sure each other are happy with how things are progressing.
Paul and I have been on the scene for years but even we can have times when we're just not feeling it.
Its ok to step away, it's ok to tell others you not happy with how things are progressing. Anyone on here worth their salt will totally get that and understand if you say your having a wobble.
But definitely try a club with a view to not playing just watching and soaking up the atmosphere, there is not timeline in swinging so don't rush into anything. Good luck xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We had a hell of a lot of wobbles when we first started. Sometimes you have to build up, and get used to things. Mr loves things now that used to make him feel uncomfortable. "
No gain without pain! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
So long as you both keep talking then no harm has been done. How about going to a club, no playing with others, just watch and play with each other. See how you feel then. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Can I ask if it had been a mff meet and Mr op had been doing the kissing would it still be an issue or if Mrs op had kissed a girlwould that have altered mr' s view point .maybe a mff meet is way to go and u both kids lady and each other
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
At the end of the day it comes down to communication you both need to discuss next step in your swinging adventure and where you want it to lead but as a single guy I doff my hat to you both for at least meeting a single guy and seeing if it was your thing best of luck and remember don't beat yourself up your only human |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Mrs OP here! I don't think I would want to see him kissing another woman at all! I wouldn't like that. He has said that if I was kissing another woman then that would be OK!! (Typical!!) We're gonna take things slow and just work out as we go what works and doesn't work for us. Maybe a mff will but we'll see when we get there!!
"Can I ask if it had been a mff meet and Mr op had been doing the kissing would it still be an issue or if Mrs op had kissed a girlwould that have altered mr' s view point .maybe a mff meet is way to go and u both kids lady and each other
"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
