FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > This is how it is for me.
This is how it is for me.
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Anyway, I found myself thinking about newbies and typing this and I'm hoping it's not to much of a disjointed ramble.
I am sure there are people who come to swinging sites with all sorts of crazy, weird and wild expectations, along with some who just don’t know what to expect. The initial encounters often create or reinforce our beliefs about what swinging sites are all about. I ask you to keep an open mind as to what other people may be seeking from being here…. we are not all the same.
Don’t feel forced to comply with some mythical idealism that all swingers dress in fetish wear every evening and are ‘up for it’ 24/7…. and definitely forget any notion they all throw car keys into a bowl. The truth of the matter is, most genuine swinger types are just regular type people who happen to enjoy recreational sex in one way or another.
What I look for on here will vary from month to month, sometimes from week to week and even day to day: I like a variety of activities. Some activities I may only seek to enjoy once or twice a year and others much more frequently. The majority of the time I am seeking one-2-one encounters (not exactly swinging some may say and I happen to agree) with people who have the potential/inclination/interest to go on to do other activities in the future.
On a one-2-one meet I tend to treat my guest pretty much the same as I would a regular mate. I may cook for them, watch a film or play stupid games on the PS3… as well as have sex… hopefully lots of it. It’s important to me that we can enjoy sharing non-sexual time together as well as humping silly in bed. Why? I guess because if we were to go to a club or party together on another occasion, I like to know I won’t be bored stupid by their company. Does this mean I want something more than a recreational playmate… nope. Does this mean I’ll only be looking for one special person… oh god no lol. It just means I am very comfortable being matey with the people I have sex with… without feeling the lines are being blurred. Some people may need thicker lines to feel comfortable, others, like me, can happily mix friendship and sex without any emotional confusion and feelings of attachment.
Sometimes I will meet someone, have an enjoyable evening with them, but not want to do it again; even though it is usually my intention to find people who want to meet more than once. Sometimes I will meet someone, have a great evening with them and they won’t want to do it again; even though they said they were interested in more than a one-off… them’s the ways the cookie crumbles and something we just have to accept. We are not tied to the people we meet with for sex and have no obligation to do anything further with them if it just doesn’t feel right or float our boat or something else comes along… no matter what they said they were interested in doing beforehand.
Many people say they enjoy the social aspect of swinging, that can mean many different things to different people. For me the social side is mostly about how I conduct my one-2-one meets (and the time spent in the smoking area at clubs).
When it comes to how we enjoy sex and the type of sexual encounters we enjoy, I don’t believe anyone should dictate a set of rules which every swinging site user must follow…. aside from ‘no’ means ‘no’. If you don’t want to meet socially first, then don’t. If you don’t want to jump straight into bed, then don’t. If you don’t want to attend socials, then don’t. If you don’t want to spend weeks getting to know people first, then don’t….. the list goes on. There is no wrong or right way to enjoy sex. Some people like the thrill of sex with strangers, some like huge orgy groups, some like 3somes, some bi some straight, some with as many as possible and some with as few as possible. There isn’t a one size fits all template.
Having said that I do have my own set of personal rules which I expect to be followed by…. me.
1 – Be honest with yourself about what you want.
2 – Be honest with those you intend to meet about what you want.
3 – Never do anything you don’t really want to just to keep someone else happy.
I offer them as guidelines or advice to anyone dipping their toe for the first time…. but what you choose to do is really your business at the end of the day.
Why do I feel it’s important to be honest with yourself about what you want? Well there are several reasons and probably more than I will remember to mention. One of the reasons, you’ll do yourself no favours by pretending you are OK with something when it’s not what you really want but all you feel you can get or deserve. There is no shame in wanting to be loved but here are years of regret ahead of you if you’re kidding yourself you don’t and using this site as a substitute to fill a gap. There’s no shame in saying ‘I can’t handle this’ rather than kidding yourself you will get use to it. You don’t have to pretend to be anything you are not…. it doesn’t make you less of a person, but it may mean you are not in the best place to meet your true needs. It’s also a handy rule to help stop yourself from getting carried away and going over the top to ‘fit in’ with other people’s expectations of how the ‘gang’ should act.
Why is it important to be honest with others? I hopefully wouldn’t have to explain this, yet in my experience it is evident I should. Just as you will want to have a choice about who you meet, why you meet them and what you do together, so will they want a choice. If you hide something from them, you take away their right to make a choice. If you are married and cheating, tell them…. some people will not be put off.
If you only seek one-off encounters because the excitement of it being someone new each time is what floats your boat, tell them…. there are plenty of people out there who want the same. If you want someone to come around, get straight down to business and then leave within 5 minutes of cumming, tell them that’s what you want. If you are doing something for the first time and are not sure, tell them. The beauty of places like this is… there’s always other people somewhere who will want the same.
My personal opinion of people who pretend just to get a shag…. selfish bastards/bastardettes. For me the swinging scene is not about conning people into the sack, it’s about being able to be open and honest so we can find truly like minded people and have real fun.
Why should you never do something you don’t really want to just to keep someone else happy? Because it will likely eat away at you and cause resentment… if not worse. It’s also not a nice place to be when you are the one who was being kept happy… and then finding out it was upsetting or hurting someone else.
I guess it all comes down to respect… respecting yourself and others.
There is nothing wrong with expecting a swinging site to be an easy place to get sex…. expecting the people on swinging sites to be easy is another matter.
‘They’ say people on swinging sites shouldn’t be judgemental… it’s the biggest pile of bollox. Of course we judge other people for countless reasons. Whether it’s on how they look, what we can see in the background of their photos, how we select who we meet, their cock size, their clothes…. being on Jeremy Kyle (tee hee) …. and plenty of other reasons. But I do feel the one thing we should all have in common, but sadly don’t, is not judging people for their personal choice of enjoying sex (if they are being honest with people…. oh and understand the concept that there is a time and a place).
In my world there is no meaning for the word ‘slag’, when used to refer to a person’s sexual activity. Whether you want to meet one person or one hundred people, it makes no difference, it’s all just sex at the end of the day… the numbers don’t make anyone more or less of a person. Whether you want to build a rapport with people before meeting or hook up on a whim, thinking you are being more discerning has no standing on the imaginary morality hierarchy. If you end up having sex then you end up having sex, you just took a different path to the same destination. You are not a better person because you choose to do it your way and no one has the right to tell you they are a better person because of the way they get there. And of course there are those who find ways to enjoy the site without having sex with anyone else other than their own real life partner… again, no better nor worse than anyone else. So don’t you let anyone tell you anything different… and people will try and tell you how it should be done.
When you find your ‘thing’ don’t start preaching it as the only way to others…. you will only piss people off. The best thing about the swinging scene is it generally embraces all and sundry who want to enjoy recreational sex.
There are people who think singles can’t be swingers. I disagree, but do think many singles on swinging sites are not swingers…. because I hold a more traditional view of what swinging and being a swinger is. I don’t think two singles meeting for one to one sex is swinging… if it is there’s a lot more swingers in the world than care to admit to it. I believe being a swinger is about how you view sex when you are in a relationship (of some sort). If you believe in sexually forsaking all others once you settle down, can’t understand how couples can let other people fuck their partner and only seek sex with one person at a time between relationships… you’re not a swinger in my book…. but so what? It doesn’t mean swingers are better than you, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be here, it doesn’t mean you have any moral high ground either. Whatever you believe to be swinging or whether you believe you are a swinger or not… wearing the badge doesn’t make anyone better than someone else. If you feel you want to be identified as a swinger to differentiate yourself from the people on the pull at the weekend in the city centre pubs and clubs… you really need to have a look at what hang-ups you are hiding inside. If you have derogatory names for these people, calling yourself a swinger will not absolve you from your sin…. remember, different route, same destination. Casual recreational sex is casual recreational sex, wherever you go looking for it. If your activities here are something you will be ashamed of admitting to a future partner… how much of a secret are you prepared to keep?
The things you do today will shape the person you are tomorrow… make sure you are building a happy person as there’s no refund and exchange policy.
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"Did I mention something about there being a time and a place "I dunno, didn't read the post. So, are we on 4 2nte then, yes or no, stop messing me about, r u a timwstr? Sorry, I can't help it, I'm a natural irritant. However, I will say that your post above obviously came from the heart, and hopefully some people will read it and take it in. Perhaps my natural talent to not conform, not go along with the herd, not to appear to be in some cosy clique is why I enjoy my recreational sex life so much? Who knows, I'm not going to analyse it too much, life's too short to be agonising over this and that, hanging labels on what I am or like to do. Like you say, so long as you are honest with yourself and not doing anything just to be "the norm", then the world is your oyster, here and everywhere else. That doesn't mean "break ALL the rules", it just means be an individual, think for yourself. | |||
"This is how it is for me.... may be some other old hands will add how it is for them.... which might widen the perspective further or totally confuse the shit out of people
Anyway, I found myself thinking about newbies and typing this and I'm hoping it's not to much of a disjointed ramble.
I am sure there are people who come to swinging sites with all sorts of crazy, weird and wild expectations, along with some who just don’t know what to expect. The initial encounters often create or reinforce our beliefs about what swinging sites are all about. I ask you to keep an open mind as to what other people may be seeking from being here…. we are not all the same.
Don’t feel forced to comply with some mythical idealism that all swingers dress in fetish wear every evening and are ‘up for it’ 24/7…. and definitely forget any notion they all throw car keys into a bowl. The truth of the matter is, most genuine swinger types are just regular type people who happen to enjoy recreational sex in one way or another.
What I look for on here will vary from month to month, sometimes from week to week and even day to day: I like a variety of activities. Some activities I may only seek to enjoy once or twice a year and others much more frequently. The majority of the time I am seeking one-2-one encounters (not exactly swinging some may say and I happen to agree) with people who have the potential/inclination/interest to go on to do other activities in the future.
On a one-2-one meet I tend to treat my guest pretty much the same as I would a regular mate. I may cook for them, watch a film or play stupid games on the PS3… as well as have sex… hopefully lots of it. It’s important to me that we can enjoy sharing non-sexual time together as well as humping silly in bed. Why? I guess because if we were to go to a club or party together on another occasion, I like to know I won’t be bored stupid by their company. Does this mean I want something more than a recreational playmate… nope. Does this mean I’ll only be looking for one special person… oh god no lol. It just means I am very comfortable being matey with the people I have sex with… without feeling the lines are being blurred. Some people may need thicker lines to feel comfortable, others, like me, can happily mix friendship and sex without any emotional confusion and feelings of attachment.
Sometimes I will meet someone, have an enjoyable evening with them, but not want to do it again; even though it is usually my intention to find people who want to meet more than once. Sometimes I will meet someone, have a great evening with them and they won’t want to do it again; even though they said they were interested in more than a one-off… them’s the ways the cookie crumbles and something we just have to accept. We are not tied to the people we meet with for sex and have no obligation to do anything further with them if it just doesn’t feel right or float our boat or something else comes along… no matter what they said they were interested in doing beforehand.
Many people say they enjoy the social aspect of swinging, that can mean many different things to different people. For me the social side is mostly about how I conduct my one-2-one meets (and the time spent in the smoking area at clubs).
When it comes to how we enjoy sex and the type of sexual encounters we enjoy, I don’t believe anyone should dictate a set of rules which every swinging site user must follow…. aside from ‘no’ means ‘no’. If you don’t want to meet socially first, then don’t. If you don’t want to jump straight into bed, then don’t. If you don’t want to attend socials, then don’t. If you don’t want to spend weeks getting to know people first, then don’t….. the list goes on. There is no wrong or right way to enjoy sex. Some people like the thrill of sex with strangers, some like huge orgy groups, some like 3somes, some bi some straight, some with as many as possible and some with as few as possible. There isn’t a one size fits all template.
Having said that I do have my own set of personal rules which I expect to be followed by…. me.
1 – Be honest with yourself about what you want.
2 – Be honest with those you intend to meet about what you want.
3 – Never do anything you don’t really want to just to keep someone else happy.
I offer them as guidelines or advice to anyone dipping their toe for the first time…. but what you choose to do is really your business at the end of the day.
Why do I feel it’s important to be honest with yourself about what you want? Well there are several reasons and probably more than I will remember to mention. One of the reasons, you’ll do yourself no favours by pretending you are OK with something when it’s not what you really want but all you feel you can get or deserve. There is no shame in wanting to be loved but here are years of regret ahead of you if you’re kidding yourself you don’t and using this site as a substitute to fill a gap. There’s no shame in saying ‘I can’t handle this’ rather than kidding yourself you will get use to it. You don’t have to pretend to be anything you are not…. it doesn’t make you less of a person, but it may mean you are not in the best place to meet your true needs. It’s also a handy rule to help stop yourself from getting carried away and going over the top to ‘fit in’ with other people’s expectations of how the ‘gang’ should act.
Why is it important to be honest with others? I hopefully wouldn’t have to explain this, yet in my experience it is evident I should. Just as you will want to have a choice about who you meet, why you meet them and what you do together, so will they want a choice. If you hide something from them, you take away their right to make a choice. If you are married and cheating, tell them…. some people will not be put off.
If you only seek one-off encounters because the excitement of it being someone new each time is what floats your boat, tell them…. there are plenty of people out there who want the same. If you want someone to come around, get straight down to business and then leave within 5 minutes of cumming, tell them that’s what you want. If you are doing something for the first time and are not sure, tell them. The beauty of places like this is… there’s always other people somewhere who will want the same.
My personal opinion of people who pretend just to get a shag…. selfish bastards/bastardettes. For me the swinging scene is not about conning people into the sack, it’s about being able to be open and honest so we can find truly like minded people and have real fun.
Why should you never do something you don’t really want to just to keep someone else happy? Because it will likely eat away at you and cause resentment… if not worse. It’s also not a nice place to be when you are the one who was being kept happy… and then finding out it was upsetting or hurting someone else.
I guess it all comes down to respect… respecting yourself and others.
There is nothing wrong with expecting a swinging site to be an easy place to get sex…. expecting the people on swinging sites to be easy is another matter.
‘They’ say people on swinging sites shouldn’t be judgemental… it’s the biggest pile of bollox. Of course we judge other people for countless reasons. Whether it’s on how they look, what we can see in the background of their photos, how we select who we meet, their cock size, their clothes…. being on Jeremy Kyle (tee hee) …. and plenty of other reasons. But I do feel the one thing we should all have in common, but sadly don’t, is not judging people for their personal choice of enjoying sex (if they are being honest with people…. oh and understand the concept that there is a time and a place).
In my world there is no meaning for the word ‘slag’, when used to refer to a person’s sexual activity. Whether you want to meet one person or one hundred people, it makes no difference, it’s all just sex at the end of the day… the numbers don’t make anyone more or less of a person. Whether you want to build a rapport with people before meeting or hook up on a whim, thinking you are being more discerning has no standing on the imaginary morality hierarchy. If you end up having sex then you end up having sex, you just took a different path to the same destination. You are not a better person because you choose to do it your way and no one has the right to tell you they are a better person because of the way they get there. And of course there are those who find ways to enjoy the site without having sex with anyone else other than their own real life partner… again, no better nor worse than anyone else. So don’t you let anyone tell you anything different… and people will try and tell you how it should be done.
When you find your ‘thing’ don’t start preaching it as the only way to others…. you will only piss people off. The best thing about the swinging scene is it generally embraces all and sundry who want to enjoy recreational sex.
There are people who think singles can’t be swingers. I disagree, but do think many singles on swinging sites are not swingers…. because I hold a more traditional view of what swinging and being a swinger is. I don’t think two singles meeting for one to one sex is swinging… if it is there’s a lot more swingers in the world than care to admit to it. I believe being a swinger is about how you view sex when you are in a relationship (of some sort). If you believe in sexually forsaking all others once you settle down, can’t understand how couples can let other people fuck their partner and only seek sex with one person at a time between relationships… you’re not a swinger in my book…. but so what? It doesn’t mean swingers are better than you, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be here, it doesn’t mean you have any moral high ground either. Whatever you believe to be swinging or whether you believe you are a swinger or not… wearing the badge doesn’t make anyone better than someone else. If you feel you want to be identified as a swinger to differentiate yourself from the people on the pull at the weekend in the city centre pubs and clubs… you really need to have a look at what hang-ups you are hiding inside. If you have derogatory names for these people, calling yourself a swinger will not absolve you from your sin…. remember, different route, same destination. Casual recreational sex is casual recreational sex, wherever you go looking for it. If your activities here are something you will be ashamed of admitting to a future partner… how much of a secret are you prepared to keep?
The things you do today will shape the person you are tomorrow… make sure you are building a happy person as there’s no refund and exchange policy.
"i read this with intrest and its how i feel about here 99.9% if people dont like the way i want to play they can fook off | |||
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"This is how it is for me.... may be some other old hands will add how it is for them.... which might widen the perspective further or totally confuse the shit out of people
Anyway, I found myself thinking about newbies and typing this and I'm hoping it's not to much of a disjointed ramble.
I am sure there are people who come to swinging sites with all sorts of crazy, weird and wild expectations, along with some who just don’t know what to expect. The initial encounters often create or reinforce our beliefs about what swinging sites are all about. I ask you to keep an open mind as to what other people may be seeking from being here…. we are not all the same.
Don’t feel forced to comply with some mythical idealism that all swingers dress in fetish wear every evening and are ‘up for it’ 24/7…. and definitely forget any notion they all throw car keys into a bowl. The truth of the matter is, most genuine swinger types are just regular type people who happen to enjoy recreational sex in one way or another.
What I look for on here will vary from month to month, sometimes from week to week and even day to day: I like a variety of activities. Some activities I may only seek to enjoy once or twice a year and others much more frequently. The majority of the time I am seeking one-2-one encounters (not exactly swinging some may say and I happen to agree) with people who have the potential/inclination/interest to go on to do other activities in the future.
On a one-2-one meet I tend to treat my guest pretty much the same as I would a regular mate. I may cook for them, watch a film or play stupid games on the PS3… as well as have sex… hopefully lots of it. It’s important to me that we can enjoy sharing non-sexual time together as well as humping silly in bed. Why? I guess because if we were to go to a club or party together on another occasion, I like to know I won’t be bored stupid by their company. Does this mean I want something more than a recreational playmate… nope. Does this mean I’ll only be looking for one special person… oh god no lol. It just means I am very comfortable being matey with the people I have sex with… without feeling the lines are being blurred. Some people may need thicker lines to feel comfortable, others, like me, can happily mix friendship and sex without any emotional confusion and feelings of attachment.
Sometimes I will meet someone, have an enjoyable evening with them, but not want to do it again; even though it is usually my intention to find people who want to meet more than once. Sometimes I will meet someone, have a great evening with them and they won’t want to do it again; even though they said they were interested in more than a one-off… them’s the ways the cookie crumbles and something we just have to accept. We are not tied to the people we meet with for sex and have no obligation to do anything further with them if it just doesn’t feel right or float our boat or something else comes along… no matter what they said they were interested in doing beforehand.
Many people say they enjoy the social aspect of swinging, that can mean many different things to different people. For me the social side is mostly about how I conduct my one-2-one meets (and the time spent in the smoking area at clubs).
When it comes to how we enjoy sex and the type of sexual encounters we enjoy, I don’t believe anyone should dictate a set of rules which every swinging site user must follow…. aside from ‘no’ means ‘no’. If you don’t want to meet socially first, then don’t. If you don’t want to jump straight into bed, then don’t. If you don’t want to attend socials, then don’t. If you don’t want to spend weeks getting to know people first, then don’t….. the list goes on. There is no wrong or right way to enjoy sex. Some people like the thrill of sex with strangers, some like huge orgy groups, some like 3somes, some bi some straight, some with as many as possible and some with as few as possible. There isn’t a one size fits all template.
Having said that I do have my own set of personal rules which I expect to be followed by…. me.
1 – Be honest with yourself about what you want.
2 – Be honest with those you intend to meet about what you want.
3 – Never do anything you don’t really want to just to keep someone else happy.
I offer them as guidelines or advice to anyone dipping their toe for the first time…. but what you choose to do is really your business at the end of the day.
Why do I feel it’s important to be honest with yourself about what you want? Well there are several reasons and probably more than I will remember to mention. One of the reasons, you’ll do yourself no favours by pretending you are OK with something when it’s not what you really want but all you feel you can get or deserve. There is no shame in wanting to be loved but here are years of regret ahead of you if you’re kidding yourself you don’t and using this site as a substitute to fill a gap. There’s no shame in saying ‘I can’t handle this’ rather than kidding yourself you will get use to it. You don’t have to pretend to be anything you are not…. it doesn’t make you less of a person, but it may mean you are not in the best place to meet your true needs. It’s also a handy rule to help stop yourself from getting carried away and going over the top to ‘fit in’ with other people’s expectations of how the ‘gang’ should act.
Why is it important to be honest with others? I hopefully wouldn’t have to explain this, yet in my experience it is evident I should. Just as you will want to have a choice about who you meet, why you meet them and what you do together, so will they want a choice. If you hide something from them, you take away their right to make a choice. If you are married and cheating, tell them…. some people will not be put off.
If you only seek one-off encounters because the excitement of it being someone new each time is what floats your boat, tell them…. there are plenty of people out there who want the same. If you want someone to come around, get straight down to business and then leave within 5 minutes of cumming, tell them that’s what you want. If you are doing something for the first time and are not sure, tell them. The beauty of places like this is… there’s always other people somewhere who will want the same.
My personal opinion of people who pretend just to get a shag…. selfish bastards/bastardettes. For me the swinging scene is not about conning people into the sack, it’s about being able to be open and honest so we can find truly like minded people and have real fun.
Why should you never do something you don’t really want to just to keep someone else happy? Because it will likely eat away at you and cause resentment… if not worse. It’s also not a nice place to be when you are the one who was being kept happy… and then finding out it was upsetting or hurting someone else.
I guess it all comes down to respect… respecting yourself and others.
There is nothing wrong with expecting a swinging site to be an easy place to get sex…. expecting the people on swinging sites to be easy is another matter.
‘They’ say people on swinging sites shouldn’t be judgemental… it’s the biggest pile of bollox. Of course we judge other people for countless reasons. Whether it’s on how they look, what we can see in the background of their photos, how we select who we meet, their cock size, their clothes…. being on Jeremy Kyle (tee hee) …. and plenty of other reasons. But I do feel the one thing we should all have in common, but sadly don’t, is not judging people for their personal choice of enjoying sex (if they are being honest with people…. oh and understand the concept that there is a time and a place).
In my world there is no meaning for the word ‘slag’, when used to refer to a person’s sexual activity. Whether you want to meet one person or one hundred people, it makes no difference, it’s all just sex at the end of the day… the numbers don’t make anyone more or less of a person. Whether you want to build a rapport with people before meeting or hook up on a whim, thinking you are being more discerning has no standing on the imaginary morality hierarchy. If you end up having sex then you end up having sex, you just took a different path to the same destination. You are not a better person because you choose to do it your way and no one has the right to tell you they are a better person because of the way they get there. And of course there are those who find ways to enjoy the site without having sex with anyone else other than their own real life partner… again, no better nor worse than anyone else. So don’t you let anyone tell you anything different… and people will try and tell you how it should be done.
When you find your ‘thing’ don’t start preaching it as the only way to others…. you will only piss people off. The best thing about the swinging scene is it generally embraces all and sundry who want to enjoy recreational sex.
There are people who think singles can’t be swingers. I disagree, but do think many singles on swinging sites are not swingers…. because I hold a more traditional view of what swinging and being a swinger is. I don’t think two singles meeting for one to one sex is swinging… if it is there’s a lot more swingers in the world than care to admit to it. I believe being a swinger is about how you view sex when you are in a relationship (of some sort). If you believe in sexually forsaking all others once you settle down, can’t understand how couples can let other people fuck their partner and only seek sex with one person at a time between relationships… you’re not a swinger in my book…. but so what? It doesn’t mean swingers are better than you, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be here, it doesn’t mean you have any moral high ground either. Whatever you believe to be swinging or whether you believe you are a swinger or not… wearing the badge doesn’t make anyone better than someone else. If you feel you want to be identified as a swinger to differentiate yourself from the people on the pull at the weekend in the city centre pubs and clubs… you really need to have a look at what hang-ups you are hiding inside. If you have derogatory names for these people, calling yourself a swinger will not absolve you from your sin…. remember, different route, same destination. Casual recreational sex is casual recreational sex, wherever you go looking for it. If your activities here are something you will be ashamed of admitting to a future partner… how much of a secret are you prepared to keep?
The things you do today will shape the person you are tomorrow… make sure you are building a happy person as there’s no refund and exchange policy.
"now to me if you and admin agreed i think that should be put somewhere for all newbies to read when they join | |||
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"Ok, if anyone wants to answer can they not quote the post as the thread would have to be shut after a few posts it will have gotten that big "I'm so tempted...  | |||
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"can someone just put that in the hints and tips section... or anytime someone asks for advice just point then to this thread..." Don't worry, Fabio, Rugby will remember it (Rugby remembers *everything*!) | |||
"can someone just put that in the hints and tips section... or anytime someone asks for advice just point then to this thread... Don't worry, Fabio, Rugby will remember it (Rugby remembers *everything*!)" Except the eggs to make my yorkshire pud !! | |||
"can someone just put that in the hints and tips section... or anytime someone asks for advice just point then to this thread... Don't worry, Fabio, Rugby will remember it (Rugby remembers *everything*!) Except the eggs to make my yorkshire pud !! " lol | |||
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"Why on porfiles are only 20 frinds showing? Is that something new or have I done something is my setting. Rob "http://www.fabswingers.com/forum/feedback/54128 | |||
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"I didnt read it as Im not in the mood at the present time, I only skimmed, but I will read it when the time is right. Whilst it has obviously been very well thought out, judging by the length of it, and I expect its meaningful, I do not agree with other posters that it should be agreed with Admin as being advice for new swingers. Only because it is one persons view, and one persons alone, others may not agree, so it should not be set up as a swinging precedent. " I didn't read it either, as my attention span is not as it was. The thread is entitled "this is how it is for ME", operative word being "me", so I agree, it's silly to suggest Admin use it (even though I don't know what "it" is  ) for all when it's one persons opinion. We all do things differently: what works for one doesn't work for all! | |||
"This is how it is for me.... may be some other old hands will add how it is for them.... which might widen the perspective further or totally confuse the shit out of people
Anyway, I found myself thinking about newbies and typing this and I'm hoping it's not to much of a disjointed ramble.
I am sure there are people who come to swinging sites with all sorts of crazy, weird and wild expectations, along with some who just don’t know what to expect. The initial encounters often create or reinforce our beliefs about what swinging sites are all about. I ask you to keep an open mind as to what other people may be seeking from being here…. we are not all the same.
Don’t feel forced to comply with some mythical idealism that all swingers dress in fetish wear every evening and are ‘up for it’ 24/7…. and definitely forget any notion they all throw car keys into a bowl. The truth of the matter is, most genuine swinger types are just regular type people who happen to enjoy recreational sex in one way or another.
What I look for on here will vary from month to month, sometimes from week to week and even day to day: I like a variety of activities. Some activities I may only seek to enjoy once or twice a year and others much more frequently. The majority of the time I am seeking one-2-one encounters (not exactly swinging some may say and I happen to agree) with people who have the potential/inclination/interest to go on to do other activities in the future.
On a one-2-one meet I tend to treat my guest pretty much the same as I would a regular mate. I may cook for them, watch a film or play stupid games on the PS3… as well as have sex… hopefully lots of it. It’s important to me that we can enjoy sharing non-sexual time together as well as humping silly in bed. Why? I guess because if we were to go to a club or party together on another occasion, I like to know I won’t be bored stupid by their company. Does this mean I want something more than a recreational playmate… nope. Does this mean I’ll only be looking for one special person… oh god no lol. It just means I am very comfortable being matey with the people I have sex with… without feeling the lines are being blurred. Some people may need thicker lines to feel comfortable, others, like me, can happily mix friendship and sex without any emotional confusion and feelings of attachment.
Sometimes I will meet someone, have an enjoyable evening with them, but not want to do it again; even though it is usually my intention to find people who want to meet more than once. Sometimes I will meet someone, have a great evening with them and they won’t want to do it again; even though they said they were interested in more than a one-off… them’s the ways the cookie crumbles and something we just have to accept. We are not tied to the people we meet with for sex and have no obligation to do anything further with them if it just doesn’t feel right or float our boat or something else comes along… no matter what they said they were interested in doing beforehand.
Many people say they enjoy the social aspect of swinging, that can mean many different things to different people. For me the social side is mostly about how I conduct my one-2-one meets (and the time spent in the smoking area at clubs).
When it comes to how we enjoy sex and the type of sexual encounters we enjoy, I don’t believe anyone should dictate a set of rules which every swinging site user must follow…. aside from ‘no’ means ‘no’. If you don’t want to meet socially first, then don’t. If you don’t want to jump straight into bed, then don’t. If you don’t want to attend socials, then don’t. If you don’t want to spend weeks getting to know people first, then don’t….. the list goes on. There is no wrong or right way to enjoy sex. Some people like the thrill of sex with strangers, some like huge orgy groups, some like 3somes, some bi some straight, some with as many as possible and some with as few as possible. There isn’t a one size fits all template.
Having said that I do have my own set of personal rules which I expect to be followed by…. me.
1 – Be honest with yourself about what you want.
2 – Be honest with those you intend to meet about what you want.
3 – Never do anything you don’t really want to just to keep someone else happy.
I offer them as guidelines or advice to anyone dipping their toe for the first time…. but what you choose to do is really your business at the end of the day.
Why do I feel it’s important to be honest with yourself about what you want? Well there are several reasons and probably more than I will remember to mention. One of the reasons, you’ll do yourself no favours by pretending you are OK with something when it’s not what you really want but all you feel you can get or deserve. There is no shame in wanting to be loved but here are years of regret ahead of you if you’re kidding yourself you don’t and using this site as a substitute to fill a gap. There’s no shame in saying ‘I can’t handle this’ rather than kidding yourself you will get use to it. You don’t have to pretend to be anything you are not…. it doesn’t make you less of a person, but it may mean you are not in the best place to meet your true needs. It’s also a handy rule to help stop yourself from getting carried away and going over the top to ‘fit in’ with other people’s expectations of how the ‘gang’ should act.
Why is it important to be honest with others? I hopefully wouldn’t have to explain this, yet in my experience it is evident I should. Just as you will want to have a choice about who you meet, why you meet them and what you do together, so will they want a choice. If you hide something from them, you take away their right to make a choice. If you are married and cheating, tell them…. some people will not be put off.
If you only seek one-off encounters because the excitement of it being someone new each time is what floats your boat, tell them…. there are plenty of people out there who want the same. If you want someone to come around, get straight down to business and then leave within 5 minutes of cumming, tell them that’s what you want. If you are doing something for the first time and are not sure, tell them. The beauty of places like this is… there’s always other people somewhere who will want the same.
My personal opinion of people who pretend just to get a shag…. selfish bastards/bastardettes. For me the swinging scene is not about conning people into the sack, it’s about being able to be open and honest so we can find truly like minded people and have real fun.
Why should you never do something you don’t really want to just to keep someone else happy? Because it will likely eat away at you and cause resentment… if not worse. It’s also not a nice place to be when you are the one who was being kept happy… and then finding out it was upsetting or hurting someone else.
I guess it all comes down to respect… respecting yourself and others.
There is nothing wrong with expecting a swinging site to be an easy place to get sex…. expecting the people on swinging sites to be easy is another matter.
‘They’ say people on swinging sites shouldn’t be judgemental… it’s the biggest pile of bollox. Of course we judge other people for countless reasons. Whether it’s on how they look, what we can see in the background of their photos, how we select who we meet, their cock size, their clothes…. being on Jeremy Kyle (tee hee) …. and plenty of other reasons. But I do feel the one thing we should all have in common, but sadly don’t, is not judging people for their personal choice of enjoying sex (if they are being honest with people…. oh and understand the concept that there is a time and a place).
In my world there is no meaning for the word ‘slag’, when used to refer to a person’s sexual activity. Whether you want to meet one person or one hundred people, it makes no difference, it’s all just sex at the end of the day… the numbers don’t make anyone more or less of a person. Whether you want to build a rapport with people before meeting or hook up on a whim, thinking you are being more discerning has no standing on the imaginary morality hierarchy. If you end up having sex then you end up having sex, you just took a different path to the same destination. You are not a better person because you choose to do it your way and no one has the right to tell you they are a better person because of the way they get there. And of course there are those who find ways to enjoy the site without having sex with anyone else other than their own real life partner… again, no better nor worse than anyone else. So don’t you let anyone tell you anything different… and people will try and tell you how it should be done.
When you find your ‘thing’ don’t start preaching it as the only way to others…. you will only piss people off. The best thing about the swinging scene is it generally embraces all and sundry who want to enjoy recreational sex.
There are people who think singles can’t be swingers. I disagree, but do think many singles on swinging sites are not swingers…. because I hold a more traditional view of what swinging and being a swinger is. I don’t think two singles meeting for one to one sex is swinging… if it is there’s a lot more swingers in the world than care to admit to it. I believe being a swinger is about how you view sex when you are in a relationship (of some sort). If you believe in sexually forsaking all others once you settle down, can’t understand how couples can let other people fuck their partner and only seek sex with one person at a time between relationships… you’re not a swinger in my book…. but so what? It doesn’t mean swingers are better than you, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be here, it doesn’t mean you have any moral high ground either. Whatever you believe to be swinging or whether you believe you are a swinger or not… wearing the badge doesn’t make anyone better than someone else. If you feel you want to be identified as a swinger to differentiate yourself from the people on the pull at the weekend in the city centre pubs and clubs… you really need to have a look at what hang-ups you are hiding inside. If you have derogatory names for these people, calling yourself a swinger will not absolve you from your sin…. remember, different route, same destination. Casual recreational sex is casual recreational sex, wherever you go looking for it. If your activities here are something you will be ashamed of admitting to a future partner… how much of a secret are you prepared to keep?
The things you do today will shape the person you are tomorrow… make sure you are building a happy person as there’s no refund and exchange policy.
i read this with intrest and its how i feel about here 99.9% if people dont like the way i want to play they can fook off"I fully agree been saying lot of these things for long time but do peeps listen | |||
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".... The thread is entitled "this is how it is for ME", operative word being "me", so I agree, it's silly to suggest Admin use it (even though I don't know what "it" is ) for all when it's one persons opinion. We all do things differently: what works for one doesn't work for all!"May be you should have read it, as that's pretty much a strong theme within the post
It was never intended to be 'the' way it is... as you noticed in the title.
I was kind of being optimistic that a few other people would add 'the way it is' for them.... which would demonstrate further that the only right way is the way which works for you as an individual/couple.
What has been interesting is seeing people comment on something they claim they haven't even read.... no wonder people don't bother reading profiles | |||
