FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > What to do if the couple seems off?
What to do if the couple seems off?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just wanted some advice as we're new to this. We've recently met up with a couple and after speaking with them, it was clear the female partner wasn't sure about it all. The guy kept pushing for something and wasn't listening to what we said we were comfortable with. He mentioned that he manages the profile himself too. This made us really uncomfortable as we would never want to play with anyone who isn't ready or willing. He didn't seem to follow that no means no, and kept trying to find loopholes. Any advice on what to do in this situation? We politely left, but not sure what to do in future, or how to prevent this. |
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You did exactly the same as i would have.
If one partner is not really into it and has been pressurised/coerced then its not truly consensual in my mind and I'm not interested.
Everyone has to be keen in order for you all to enjoy it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Block move on,
You can't ever know how a meet is going to go and that's why we always have a social.
Guess it's just a case of live and learn.
Don't think there is any way of preventing it, but maybe more specific in mail prior to meet, to make sure you are all singing off the same hymesheet so to speak. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We agree, politely leave. We have made a good friend out of a situation like this, after supporting her as she left the guy who was pushy and controlling when we met. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You can't prevent it unfortunately.
Bottom line is your never going to know if the lady isn't really into it until you actually meet the couple.
Best way to figure it out is to meet in a public place for social first. That way if anything seems "off" you make your excuses, say goodbye and leave. End of meet
Another way is speak to the fem over the phone, it's not easy but you can sometimes tell if they are just going along with a conversation for the sake of it.
Spend some time chatting on the site, quite often in these situations it's male who will only do the chatting and usually wants to meet asap.
If your not sure or it doesn't seem right, just decline the meet offer and chat with other couples. x
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Yeah we did block in the end as he was really persistent. We felt bad at first, but every time we remember comments here and there on the night, we knew we made the right choice. They verified us, but we couldn't do the same as they weren't on the same page. It's sad really. Thanks for the advice everyone |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yeah we did block in the end as he was really persistent. We felt bad at first, but every time we remember comments here and there on the night, we knew we made the right choice. They verified us, but we couldn't do the same as they weren't on the same page. It's sad really. Thanks for the advice everyone"
Hope your future meets go better! |
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It happens and particularly when the guy is looking to get their partner involved in girl on girl. Quite honestly there is nothing worse than when it's happening through coercion or under duress and you just have to walk away and decline to play. Just accept its not going to be fun for you or her.
We've found getting 4 way conversations happening on kik can flush out everyone's position. You just have to pick up on the signals. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We've had this a lot, it's an occupational hazard with swinging, always happened, always will.
You will never know what a couple is like until you meet them in person, that's why we insist on social meet ASAP.
Chatting online is no substitute.
Trust your gut and move on. |
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"Just wanted some advice as we're new to this. We've recently met up with a couple and after speaking with them, it was clear the female partner wasn't sure about it all. The guy kept pushing for something and wasn't listening to what we said we were comfortable with. He mentioned that he manages the profile himself too. This made us really uncomfortable as we would never want to play with anyone who isn't ready or willing. He didn't seem to follow that no means no, and kept trying to find loopholes. Any advice on what to do in this situation? We politely left, but not sure what to do in future, or how to prevent this. "
With these things you always have to go with your gut - if something seems wrong, then it usually is. It's our animal instinct warning us. |
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By *immeWoman
over a year ago
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I find it easier to not meet newbies now and only people who are verified also.
I always speak to the lady on the phone also prior to meet
Group wassap also helps iron out possible problems. Good luck guys xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We've had this a lot, it's an occupational hazard with swinging, always happened, always will.
You will never know what a couple is like until you meet them in person, that's why we insist on social meet ASAP.
Chatting online is no substitute.
Trust your gut and move on. "
That's exactly why I prefer to have a social within a couple of weeks. It's difficult to pick up signs online- good or bad.
OP never be afraid to say "no thank you". Good people will understand. If they don't understand and get abusive then you just know you made the right decision.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a single guy I have walked away from a number of meets with couples where one of them was more keen than the other.
You did the right thing; if it doesn't feel right walk away; if they slag you off on the iste (oh joy for status message insults) sobeit; you did the right thing....
No one promises anyone, anything. At any stage anyone of us can walk away; when you and your partner are signed up to this way of thinking; have a signal (a wink, whatever) and if one of you thinks something isn't right; walk away.
Its better to walk away than to deal with the potential detonation when the meet goes wrong (trust me on that one!!) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It was odd afterwards as we had blocked and he was still trying to message, and sent a friend request. We sent a brief message saying he should communicate with his partner more then blocked 100%. It was definitely a learning experience for us. Not put off though! |
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It happens sometimes. In some cases men run the profile just for convenience, which is fine. In other cases they can be as you describe and the meet doesn't feel nice at all in that scenario, and we have done like you and left.
It always seems to work better if the girls have chatted and bonded first.
Mr B |
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It's something we've noticed on here a lot recently regarding profiles. A fair few seem worded very much one sided, an usually from the males prospective. Especially where photos of couples are concerned. (A dozen or so photos an all of the male?) or the amount of woman recently that seem to be on the hunt for a female for solo meets with hubby. Not saying they're all looking dodgy, but it does make us pass them by. Got to love the profiles that make several points about the male being available for solo meets, as that seems to be on a huge rise with profile that we've recently viwed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We've had this a lot, it's an occupational hazard with swinging, always happened, always will.
You will never know what a couple is like until you meet them in person, that's why we insist on social meet ASAP.
Chatting online is no substitute.
Trust your gut and move on. "
this always insist on a social meet public one |
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