FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Guilt?
Guilt?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It's my first time posting so please go easy on me!!
Do other women (single or not) on here struggle with the guilt of enjoying casual sex? I've had some great meets recently, but I can't seem to turn off this niggling voice in the back of my mind that tells me I'm a slut and should be ashamed of myself  |
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By *P1964Woman
over a year ago
gillingham |
"It's my first time posting so please go easy on me!!
Do other women (single or not) on here struggle with the guilt of enjoying casual sex? I've had some great meets recently, but I can't seem to turn off this niggling voice in the back of my mind that tells me I'm a slut and should be ashamed of myself "
Yes, that's why I no longer have meets unless I get to know a person first and there's a mutual attraction between us. Can't do sex only meets  |
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"It's my first time posting so please go easy on me!!
Do other women (single or not) on here struggle with the guilt of enjoying casual sex? I've had some great meets recently, but I can't seem to turn off this niggling voice in the back of my mind that tells me I'm a slut and should be ashamed of myself "
Aww op you're doing nothing wrong,why shouldnt you enjoy yourself a bit .Miss x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That's the overhang from the messages pushed on to us females since puberty (and even before) by the misogynistic and patriarchal society, it uses guilt as a weapon to seek submission and control over how we use our own bodies. It's not *your* guilt you're feeling but an innate response to perceived "promiscuity". Maybe daily affirmations that you're not doing anything wrong or bad or dirty may help overcome that feeling? Xx |
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I don't feel guilty for enjoying sex. I do feel guilty for playing around while I'm seeing someone.
We've been seeing each other since November, it was meant to be friends with benefits but evolved into more. It has no future because he is moving away for work soon.
I had one play meet early on when i joined the site and really struggled with the feelings of guilt and have only had one social since.
I just cant stand the thought of hurting him |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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no i don't feel ashamed at all. when i was younger my dad used to try and shame me if he ever found anything out but i was defiant against him as he was violent so anything that he said was wrong ended up as right in my eyes. 
i like sex, i like my body enjoying sex.
i've gone off meeting loads of randoms because i'm not getting the sex life i want, but i enjoyed them at the time and doubt i'll ever stop having 'slutty' threesomes.
only thing that pisses me off is that many men seem to have more of a problem with us being sluts than women do.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dont think you should feel guilty at all we are all here for fun and are all entitled to enjoy our lives as we see fit enjoy yourself hold your head up high and stick 2 fingers up at anyone who judges you for it
Mr x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes i also feel guilty for enjoying casual sex i keep telling myself that as long as my kids dont see whats going on and the sex is safe and consential on both sides im doing nothing wrong but theres always a little voice telling me im a cheap dirty slut i think its because girls are brought up in thinking that we should only have sex with a reg partner (i mean more than friends with benefits) whereas it seems more socially acceptable still for men to sleep around but i wont change this is who i am and on the whole i enjoy what i do i just wont drop my knickers for anyone there has to be an attraction x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was very fortunate to have been bought up by a very liberal single mother so I have no feelings of guilt about enjoying my own pleasure, but I completely understand where other women's feelings come from, we are constantly made to feel ashamed by the media and general public for experiencing or taking charge of our own pleasure whilst simultaneously being sexualised from a young age. It can lead to alot of confusing and negative feelings.
But I will reiterate what others have said, you aren't doing anything wrong in wanting sexual pleasure you *should* feel no guilt. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks everyone. I guess it's probably a combination of everything you've all said. If my family and friends knew what I get up to i'd be mortified, but I know in reality I'm doing nothing wrong - no-one gets hurt, it's all consensual, i'm not in a relationship.
I think a psychologist would have a field day with me... My fantasies are things probably deemed "slutty" - gangbangs etc - and yet I'm plagued with guilt whenever I do anything. I think the little voice in my head would like me to become a nun!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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the people i hang out with, when i actually bother doing that, are not judgmental at all so that really helps for me.
embrace your slutty side, maybe even turn it into your own little secret to enjoy.  |
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maybe because i only meet someone for an hour i feel like having sex again the same day later on and the next day but i dont. Trouble is i think it wouldnt be so good if i didnt see different men, its more fun. If i kept seeing the same people i would grow tired of them.
I do sometimes feel a bit guilty when i think of what people may say about me because i can see how it looks to them only to me it feel like i am doing whats right for me. I feel guilty about lots of other things though anyway.
People always judge you anyway whatever you do and i have never been one to do things just to impress others. |
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"I dont feel guilty at my age,going to have as much fun as i can ,before it comes to the stage where i cant."
Thats the way i look at it too, my doctor keeps warning me i am at risk of serious illness and you never know what can happen when you start getting on a bit.
I was good when i was bringing up my son so now i want to do more of what i want to do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes i also feel guilty for enjoying casual sex i keep telling myself that as long as my kids dont see whats going on and the sex is safe and consential on both sides im doing nothing wrong but theres always a little voice telling me im a cheap dirty slut i think its because girls are brought up in thinking that we should only have sex with a reg partner (i mean more than friends with benefits) whereas it seems more socially acceptable still for men to sleep around but i wont change this is who i am and on the whole i enjoy what i do i just wont drop my knickers for anyone there has to be an attraction x"
Totally this. I was brought up to believe sex is great in a loving relationship. And ultimately its what I want to find.
I want to find someone special to love and to love me back. If he had a playful side that would be great.
Its like looking for a needle in a haystack lol.
In the meantime I will have some fun but on my terms...
Just don't let my family find out  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dont feel guilty at my age,going to have as much fun as i can ,before it comes to the stage where i cant.
Thats the way i look at it too, my doctor keeps warning me i am at risk of serious illness and you never know what can happen when you start getting on a bit.
I was good when i was bringing up my son so now i want to do more of what i want to do."
i love being selfish now after years of giving all of myself to everyone else.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's my first time posting so please go easy on me!!
Do other women (single or not) on here struggle with the guilt of enjoying casual sex? I've had some great meets recently, but I can't seem to turn off this niggling voice in the back of my mind that tells me I'm a slut and should be ashamed of myself "
Never be ashamed of yourself if you are being true to yourself and never intended to cause harm then your conscience is clear. If you want to have sex you are allowed to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dont want to be sat on a commode in later years i hope ,thinking i wish i had done that or i wish i had done that,I'm just going to do it,i lived a very sheltered life before fab and its opened up a whole new world for me,met some wonderful people and dont regret a single second. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes i also feel guilty for enjoying casual sex i keep telling myself that as long as my kids dont see whats going on and the sex is safe and consential on both sides im doing nothing wrong but theres always a little voice telling me im a cheap dirty slut i think its because girls are brought up in thinking that we should only have sex with a reg partner (i mean more than friends with benefits) whereas it seems more socially acceptable still for men to sleep around but i wont change this is who i am and on the whole i enjoy what i do i just wont drop my knickers for anyone there has to be an attraction x
Totally this. I was brought up to believe sex is great in a loving relationship. And ultimately its what I want to find.
I want to find someone special to love and to love me back. If he had a playful side that would be great.
Its like looking for a needle in a haystack lol.
In the meantime I will have some fun but on my terms...
Just don't let my family find out "
It's difficult enough to find someone you like and want to be with so only involve the family when you both feel the same and don't care what the families think |
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I had those thoughts for a long time.
Being uptight about sex all my adult life had come from thoughts that it's not right for a woman to enjoy sex.
Then I realised it's my life, my body and why can't I have a good sex life as a single person?
So now I just enjoy it for what it is and know in myself I'm not a slut that will sleep with anything but a happy woman who enjoys good sex |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That's the overhang from the messages pushed on to us females since puberty (and even before) by the misogynistic and patriarchal society, it uses guilt as a weapon to seek submission and control over how we use our own bodies. It's not *your* guilt you're feeling but an innate response to perceived "promiscuity". Maybe daily affirmations that you're not doing anything wrong or bad or dirty may help overcome that feeling? Xx"
I don't believe it's anything to do with patriarchy. Studies have shown that the majority of 'slut shaming' is done by women against other women.
Historically men would have taken issues with whoredom because it could lead to all sorts of issues around property rights if there is doubt about a child's father. However, condoms and the pill have been around long enough that the majority of men see more benefits than issues with an open minded woman.
However, many women feel threatened that sluts may corrupt and lure their partners away from them. Hence why 'slut shaming' comes more from other women than men. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My wife was worried about feeling guilty when we first started even though she had always had very slutty fantasies, but had kept them secret until she met me. She was surprised when I encouraged her saying that it wasn't a problem and she should be true to herself. She would always have my support if she wanted to live them out. I wanted her to be happy. Eventually she overcame the guilt with my wholehearted love, support and encouragement and got me to find a guy she could be naughty with. When the world didn't come to an end and she realised that should could be a slut AND stay happily married she didn't look back. She got to do many of her fantasies and felt no guilt at all. She still doesn't and is now quite blatant in telling guys she fancies that she loves cock and being a married slut |
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By *ransGuyTV/TS
over a year ago
Cardiff |
Women who like sex are sluts, men who like sex are studs.
"Go on my son!"
"Take your top off the girls will love that."
"If I catch you anywhere near my daughter..."
"You aren't going out dressed like that!"
Women are taught to cover up and hide because men can't control themselves and men are taught to show off and view any woman who likes sex to be a whore.
It's very hard to shake that pile of crap that is forced on us from a young age.
That's one big thing I've noticed through transitioning, now no one tries to shame me for what I wear or what I enjoy, unless it's seen as too "girly" but then fuck that because why is that such a bad thing? I actually get a disappointed reaction if I haven't had sex for a while! It's so messed up!
Noone should feel guilt for enjoying something so natural and so enjoyable! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are a lot of people saying that we get conditioned at a young age to be prudes...well none of us are kids anymore so who is conditioning today's children if it isn't us? (collectively)
Half this forum are just here for 'casual sex' anyway and can't get their head around actually swapping partners so I don't believe a lot of people here are as liberated as they imagine themselves to be. |
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I've never felt in the least bit guilty about having a sex life.
Though I do understand why some might because it is still less socially acceptable for women too have multiple partners than men.
Many of the single guys on here openly admit they wouldn't settle down with a woman they knew had a lot of sexual partners.
Nita |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've never felt in the least bit guilty about having a sex life.
Though I do understand why some might because it is still less socially acceptable for women too have multiple partners than men.
Many of the single guys on here openly admit they wouldn't settle down with a woman they knew had a lot of sexual partners.
Nita"
There are also some of us who wouldn't settle down with a woman who hadn't |
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I'm not meeting at the moment but when I was I felt not a single bit of guilt. I kept it seperate from my daughter only meeting when she was at her dads so it was my free time for fun. I don't care about societies stereotypes of 'loose' women as I'm just as entitled to enjoy and explore my sexual side as anyone else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had those thoughts for a long time.
Being uptight about sex all my adult life had come from thoughts that it's not right for a woman to enjoy sex.
Then I realised it's my life, my body and why can't I have a good sex life as a single person?
So now I just enjoy it for what it is and know in myself I'm not a slut that will sleep with anything but a happy woman who enjoys good sex "
That is the point most of us get to eventually and the sooner the better for obvious reasons |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hate the fact that society states that women can't enjoy casual sex without being seen as a slut whereas it is seen as perfectly acceptable for a guy 
Sex is fun for both men and women so we should both be allowed to enjoy lots of it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are a lot of people saying that we get conditioned at a young age to be prudes...well none of us are kids anymore so who is conditioning today's children if it isn't us? (collectively)
Half this forum are just here for 'casual sex' anyway and can't get their head around actually swapping partners so I don't believe a lot of people here are as liberated as they imagine themselves to be."
Agree on that last point. Not sure what to say about conditioning, kids pick up things from society in general. I have very different views from my parents.
We do sometimes get the feeling that what we've done is a bit wrong when we've been swinging.
But it's a minor thing. Plus that feeling of 'wrongness' is part of the fun. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nope. None whatsoever. I am eternally thankful to have a partner who adores me just the way I am, and is happy for me to go out and get laid by other guys whenever I fancy it, but I feel no guilt.
Repeat after me: Sex is fun. Sex releases endorphins. Sex should be enjoyed with whomever, whenever I choose. No one can judge me for enjoying my own body.
Make that your mantra and get out there, woman! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nope. None whatsoever. I am eternally thankful to have a partner who adores me just the way I am, and is happy for me to go out and get laid by other guys whenever I fancy it, but I feel no guilt.
Repeat after me: Sex is fun. Sex releases endorphins. Sex should be enjoyed with whomever, whenever I choose. No one can judge me for enjoying my own body.
Make that your mantra and get out there, woman!"
|
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"It's my first time posting so please go easy on me!!
Do other women (single or not) on here struggle with the guilt of enjoying casual sex? I've had some great meets recently, but I can't seem to turn off this niggling voice in the back of my mind that tells me I'm a slut and should be ashamed of myself
Yes, that's why I no longer have meets unless I get to know a person first and there's a mutual attraction between us. Can't do sex only meets "
just this |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Nope. None whatsoever. I am eternally thankful to have a partner who adores me just the way I am, and is happy for me to go out and get laid by other guys whenever I fancy it, but I feel no guilt.
Repeat after me: Sex is fun. Sex releases endorphins. Sex should be enjoyed with whomever, whenever I choose. No one can judge me for enjoying my own body.
Make that your mantra and get out there, woman!"
This is the best reply ever |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to have those feelings, but for me being on the swing scene has been so incredibly liberating, that although I'd love to have a "significant other" I'd really want us to be on the scene together too. It's really empowering as a woman to fully "own" your sexuality, and your equal right to live your life how you choose to. For me I found I didn't like multiple partners coming into my home (mainly for the safety aspect) so it works well for me to have just a few friends with a social connection there, alongside more group fun in clubs. If you'd asked me 18months ago if I'd be naked and having sex with many combinations of MF in a room full of people I'd have told you to feck off!! For me I know it helps that I have many friends and my close family all know. They wouldn't do it themselves, but they love me enough to accept it works for me. FWIW in my opinion the clubs are far more accepting and inclusive than many people who are solely on this site..... Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's my first time posting so please go easy on me!!
Do other women (single or not) on here struggle with the guilt of enjoying casual sex? I've had some great meets recently, but I can't seem to turn off this niggling voice in the back of my mind that tells me I'm a slut and should be ashamed of myself "
I wonder if the feeling of guilt is a little gimmick just to spice up the episode for some? I mean when someone says
don't do it ,it makes you want to do it?
It doesn't really matter what you use to get yourself in the mood even a bit of 'guilt'... Just remember it's fake guilt and don't own it too long |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Op thank you for this post... I spent many years being very liberated and found what I did very empowering... and still do... however since being on as a couple I struggle with guilt terribly... not when I'm together with my partner but for any thought of play alone...
I know why... but it doesn't change the fact that I feel that as a couple I shouldn't be doing some stuff. X |
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"the people i hang out with, when i actually bother doing that, are not judgmental at all so that really helps for me.
embrace your slutty side, maybe even turn it into your own little secret to enjoy. "
I think Feir has a great point about our social influence. Consider having some socials with others where you can all discuss your experiences and fantasies. It'll be non-judgemental and likely get you more comfortable with a new way of experiencing your sexuality. |
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"I think Feir has a great point about our social influence. Consider having some socials with others where you can all discuss your experiences and fantasies. It'll be non-judgemental and likely get you more comfortable with a new way of experiencing your sexuality. "
I've organised a fair few socials and they are a fantastic way of doing just what you said |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I did feel guilty when i first joined and it doesnt help when i get msgs sometimes from guy with tart and slut mentioned. Ive also met guys that use them terms, which i judge them by.
As long as i feel its me in control and safe i dont feel bad. |
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Don't let the hipocracy of an ancient religion spoil some thing that is part of what makes you human.
I had lots of Catholic guilt that made me miserable and drove everone else bonkers.
You're doing nothing wrong. |
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"That's the overhang from the messages pushed on to us females since puberty (and even before) by the misogynistic and patriarchal society, it uses guilt as a weapon to seek submission and control over how we use our own bodies. It's not *your* guilt you're feeling but an innate response to perceived "promiscuity". Maybe daily affirmations that you're not doing anything wrong or bad or dirty may help overcome that feeling? Xx"
As a male part of a couple I whole heartedly agree with your point |
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