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Underwhelming performance?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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OK so...OH and I have been experimenting with swapping partners, only at clubs. The idea totally gets us both going, we meet great couples or singles, have great chats and off we go. Things usually start well, lots of touching and anticipation and then it just...well,that's as exciting as it gets.
The first time I was being fucked from behind with the OH in my mouth and the guy came so fast my OH had to stop himself asking 'is that it?', and there was no real speed or momentum to enjoy before he came anyway. Ok, chalk it down to experience and move on, the guy was lovely and we had fun.
We went to a bdsm day and stayed on for the couples night, met a lovely couple and for the first time we swapped rather than having a single join us (first time I have seen my OH with someone else). It was weird to see him with someone but I LOVED seeing him fucking her...what I was less impressed with was that while she was getting a good, hard fuck I was bent over bored out of my mind while her OH fucked me. No speed, no real force, I faked everything out of courtesy but I couldn't help but feel envious that my OH and the woman had a good time!
Where are all the men that know how to fuck??? I get different strokes for different folks but I can't help but feel I'm missing all the fun here.
What is the etiquette around this? I felt obliged to go through with it because...well...he was already there and my OH was enjoying himself, but I don't think there's a way to advise someone like that to be better, he didn't do anything wrong it was just really nothingy.
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"OK so...OH and I have been experimenting with swapping partners, only at clubs. The idea totally gets us both going, we meet great couples or singles, have great chats and off we go. Things usually start well, lots of touching and anticipation and then it just...well,that's as exciting as it gets.
The first time I was being fucked from behind with the OH in my mouth and the guy came so fast my OH had to stop himself asking 'is that it?', and there was no real speed or momentum to enjoy before he came anyway. Ok, chalk it down to experience and move on, the guy was lovely and we had fun.
We went to a bdsm day and stayed on for the couples night, met a lovely couple and for the first time we swapped rather than having a single join us (first time I have seen my OH with someone else). It was weird to see him with someone but I LOVED seeing him fucking her...what I was less impressed with was that while she was getting a good, hard fuck I was bent over bored out of my mind while her OH fucked me. No speed, no real force, I faked everything out of courtesy but I couldn't help but feel envious that my OH and the woman had a good time!
Where are all the men that know how to fuck??? I get different strokes for different folks but I can't help but feel I'm missing all the fun here.
What is the etiquette around this? I felt obliged to go through with it because...well...he was already there and my OH was enjoying himself, but I don't think there's a way to advise someone like that to be better, he didn't do anything wrong it was just really nothingy.
"
You could take control, go on top and then you can control the rhythm, depth, speed and force of stroke.
Also, you could also think about group situations. If you can arrange meets with more than one other couple, you will get a bit of variety.
Cal |
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By *KMaxMan
over a year ago
Bristol |
I hope your experiences aren't from your verifications, because putting it in a public forum really isn't the etiquette.
But anyway, sex is sex, sometimes it's brilliant, sometimes not so good, there is no secret to good sex, and you can't do anything to guarantee it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I could go on top, but sometimes you need to be fucked rather than fuck :p
Groups isn't something that appeals to us, maybe it will at some point,but for now its very new and we're still seeing what we like and what our limits are.
I had just assumed that swingers would be good in bed, I thought of koits of potential issues when we started but this wasn't one of them lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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unfortunately id say its quite common.. but remember your partner knows you best.
try directing a little but also enjoy the shared experience.. when ive been with a partner ive often had simimar experiences but get off on what was happening. ive found majority of men ive experienced cum within a few minutes but as i enjoy watching too.. i just get off on that. x |
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By *GHertsCouple
over a year ago
North Herts |
I think you've maybe been unlucky so far but your post resonated because we like to meet in clubs and have had a few 'meh' experiences too (NOT in verifications) .... not dreadful, but, like you say, a bit 'nothingy'. 
I do think that sometimes it's inevitable you'll look over at your partner and think that this time they seem to be getting the better deal but unless the person you're with is an utterly atrocious and/or selfish lover I put a lot of that down to chemistry. When there's 4 - or more - of you, finding equal strength of attraction between you all is really hard in the first place and it's not surprising that when you get down to it some pairings are going to click better than others - unfortunately, you just don't know how that's going to pan out until you actually try and once things get going it is bloody hard if you feel distinctly underwhelmed.
As pps have said, there's nothing wrong - at all - in trying to steer proceedings if your experience feels boring but if that doesn't work I really do think it's one of those law of averages things ... accepting it can't always be great and looking forward to the next time. Although I've resolved that if/when there's a next 'nothingy' time that doesn't feel like it can be improved I might just suddenly get a splitting headache and the need to sit out with a bottle of water ....
On a more positive note I'd say our experiences of playing in clubs has probably been about 90% good/great/OMFG vs 'nothingy'! 
Ms G |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks to those that replied and sent messages, its nice to know I'm not the only one feeling like this. I was initially going to apologiser for the post, I was still a tad d*unk and I'm normally a bit tongue in cheek but it came across as just being grumpy. I don't expect the earth, everyone is different and likes different things, but at the end of the day swinging is about sex so when the sex isn't good there isn't much left.
We always have a great time socially, and this wasn't meant to sound as bitchy as it did I suppose, and the people this involves are nothing to do with our verifications of friendships on here. |
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By *woOfaKindCouple
over a year ago
Lancaster area |
That's the thing with Swinging....there is absolutely NO GUARANTEE that you are going to have a great time. Somebody can be too forceful, not forceful enough, too big, too small, too loose, too tight....it's a total crapshoot.
And it's not like you can look at a person's resume and see what they are all about. You truly don't know what you're in store for until the heat of the moment.
JD |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OK so...OH and I have been experimenting with swapping partners, only at clubs. The idea totally gets us both going, we meet great couples or singles, have great chats and off we go. Things usually start well, lots of touching and anticipation and then it just...well,that's as exciting as it gets.
The first time I was being fucked from behind with the OH in my mouth and the guy came so fast my OH had to stop himself asking 'is that it?', and there was no real speed or momentum to enjoy before he came anyway. Ok, chalk it down to experience and move on, the guy was lovely and we had fun.
We went to a bdsm day and stayed on for the couples night, met a lovely couple and for the first time we swapped rather than having a single join us (first time I have seen my OH with someone else). It was weird to see him with someone but I LOVED seeing him fucking her...what I was less impressed with was that while she was getting a good, hard fuck I was bent over bored out of my mind while her OH fucked me. No speed, no real force, I faked everything out of courtesy but I couldn't help but feel envious that my OH and the woman had a good time!
Where are all the men that know how to fuck??? I get different strokes for different folks but I can't help but feel I'm missing all the fun here.
What is the etiquette around this? I felt obliged to go through with it because...well...he was already there and my OH was enjoying himself, but I don't think there's a way to advise someone like that to be better, he didn't do anything wrong it was just really nothingy.
"
This seems harsh I know but id be out of there if I'm not enjoying it regardless of what anyone else is doing I'm never taking one for the team or carrying on if I'm not enjoying it, I think that would lead to other problems, ut has to be fun for everyone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sex at a club is hot as fuck. The whole thing is surreal and wonderful
Sex with strangers is often not great the first time tho. Chemistry takes time, there are distractions, maybe he knew you were faking it and that got into his head. He's going through the motions, your going through the motions. Doggy is great but it's hard to get good visual feedback on how your partner is doing.
I hope your future meets are closer to wow than to whatever |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me its the 1 on 1 situation which runs the risk of dissapointment. Take on 3 or 4 guys and at least one will be good.  In addition guys with hair triggers can step aside so one with better control can take their place. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OK so...OH and I have been experimenting with swapping partners, only at clubs. The idea totally gets us both going, we meet great couples or singles, have great chats and off we go. Things usually start well, lots of touching and anticipation and then it just...well,that's as exciting as it gets.
The first time I was being fucked from behind with the OH in my mouth and the guy came so fast my OH had to stop himself asking 'is that it?', and there was no real speed or momentum to enjoy before he came anyway. Ok, chalk it down to experience and move on, the guy was lovely and we had fun.
We went to a bdsm day and stayed on for the couples night, met a lovely couple and for the first time we swapped rather than having a single join us (first time I have seen my OH with someone else). It was weird to see him with someone but I LOVED seeing him fucking her...what I was less impressed with was that while she was getting a good, hard fuck I was bent over bored out of my mind while her OH fucked me. No speed, no real force, I faked everything out of courtesy but I couldn't help but feel envious that my OH and the woman had a good time!
Where are all the men that know how to fuck??? I get different strokes for different folks but I can't help but feel I'm missing all the fun here.
What is the etiquette around this? I felt obliged to go through with it because...well...he was already there and my OH was enjoying himself, but I don't think there's a way to advise someone like that to be better, he didn't do anything wrong it was just really nothingy.
"
Just tell them what you want...simples. its better than a person just winging it and getting it wrong. Even in this strange world....communication really is everything. |
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"unfortunately id say its quite common.. but remember your partner knows you best.
try directing a little but also enjoy the shared experience.. when ive been with a partner ive often had simimar experiences but get off on what was happening. ive found majority of men ive experienced cum within a few minutes but as i enjoy watching too.. i just get off on that. x"
I agree it's always going to be better with your partner cause he knows what you like to be fair wen your having sex with a stranger they don't know you so it's never going be fantastic but having said that I just enjoy the thrill anyway |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"nothing wrong in a little directing at playtime - and if its not working can always stop you dont have to see it through to its dismal end - "
So how would you direct? Like I said before it wasn't that anything was being done that was bad, he was so polite and gentle and that is so much better than someone being overly rough (although, I like it really rough but the poor bloke isn't to know that)...so how can I say 4x the speed and thrust please? Without sounding like I'm being mean. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"nothing wrong in a little directing at playtime - and if its not working can always stop you dont have to see it through to its dismal end -
So how would you direct? Like I said before it wasn't that anything was being done that was bad, he was so polite and gentle and that is so much better than someone being overly rough (although, I like it really rough but the poor bloke isn't to know that)...so how can I say 4x the speed and thrust please? Without sounding like I'm being mean."
I find mmm oh yes fuck me harder.. mmmmm more.. tends to work |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"nothing wrong in a little directing at playtime - and if its not working can always stop you dont have to see it through to its dismal end -
So how would you direct? Like I said before it wasn't that anything was being done that was bad, he was so polite and gentle and that is so much better than someone being overly rough (although, I like it really rough but the poor bloke isn't to know that)...so how can I say 4x the speed and thrust please? Without sounding like I'm being mean."
whisper in his ear - faster and harder and grip him - |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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you don't have to be passive to be fucked though. even if someones fucking me doggy (which is rare) i willl be pushing back on him or moving side to side, grinding, doing anything that makes it good for me.
it's unrealistic to have amazing sex with someone who doesn't know what you like sexually. |
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By *woOfaKindCouple
over a year ago
Lancaster area |
"Sex with strangers is often not great the first time tho. Chemistry takes time, there are distractions...."
That is sooo true. That is precisely why I don't really get the whole thing of doing One-Offs. In any relationship I was ever in, the first time we had sex was NOTHING compared to what it was like later, because you get to know each other.
But what do I know?? That's just my own personal experience. For others it may be different.
JD
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