FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > getting wife involved
getting wife involved
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"How about starting by telling her that you've been a member for three weeks and your looking for other women or couples. That should break the ice! "mite break something dont know if it would be ice!lol, | |||
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 please explain? | |||
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"Sometimes when suffering from depression or when taking certain medications the first thing to go is sexual urges. I'd ask you to please talk, really talk with your wife, reinforce how much you love her and get to the root of her problem. Ask her to tell you how it is from her perspective rather than you tell her yours. Good luck." We would say this is really good advice. Also from our experience it's worth looking at other causes like the contraceptive pill. As Mrs P changed her pill and her sex drive went on holiday. We have a solid relationship, had a chat about it, one tripto the doctors later and hey presto her sex drive was back with a vengeance... We are now several years down the line and couldn't be happier. | |||
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To the OP...I think it depends on if your wife actually likes sex and the relationship you have with her as to wether it is wise to ask or not.
After reading your other posts, I am guessing she doesn't like sex much as it is, so I can't see her wanting sex with others to improve it.
As others have said, maybe it is the contraception she is using, or she is down for some reason, there are lots of reasons why women go off sex...sadly the big one could be she doesn't enjoy sex with you.
I would talk to her about your sex life and see if that can be sorted before you ask her to join a swingers site. You are running before you can walk. | |||
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"to make it clear, i've been clear already that i'd like more sex in our sexlife and she has no interest. the ONLY reason i'm on here is because she doesnt want to know. If i could "sort out" our sex life then i wouldn't even be on here. come to think of it i'm deluding myself thinking she would ever be interested in anything like this, she has lost all interest, forget i said anything "Maybe you are on the wrong website and asking the wrong questions...maybe getting an understanding of female sexuality and the things that affect the female libido...and the things you as her "loving life partner"..could help her with... maybe a more realist and humane place to try to restore your sex life as a married couple...than a swingers site...I wish your wife well.. Regards A.Troll.. | |||
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"It always amazes me that when married men ask for advice about meets etc they are normally told " go ask your wife to swing" Now a married man is asking for advice on how to ask his wife to swing and that isn't right either "The point is that a married man is asking strangers on a website something which they can't possibly know. He might as well ask us what she would like for her tea. Do married couples tip-toe round the elephant in the room, or do they deal with the issues that they face, together, as one? Surely if there's a problem, both parties know about it and can deal with it accordingly, without taking offence, the same as taking the bins out and paying bills? So, to the OP: 1. Tell the wife she IS sorting it out, rapido, book her GPs appointment for her. Go with her and tell the quack that she's not performing her wifely duties, needs a prescription, NOW. 2. If she's not interested in sorting it out, is happy without sex, so be it. The relationship isn't happy and harmonious, pack your shit up and GTFO. 3. Or, if you DO have a fantastic marriage, with the only fly in the ointment being the sex issue, tell her you are going to be getting it elsewhere. It's only sex, she'll understand, you are soul mates, right? Why would she want to see you unhappy? 4. Negotiate. She makes an effort, does some wriggling and gasping etc a couple of times a week, and you respond with a trip to Ikea and the Garden Centre without belly-aching. You will trade your acting skills with hers and pretend it's where you want to be. Life's about compromise, everyone knows that. Oh, and get her to take it up the wrong 'un once a week and exchange that for being nice to her Mum. 5. Ask yourself why you feel it's necessary to ask strangers their advice. Perhaps the problem lies at your feet, maybe you are no good at communicating with the one person who knows you inside out. Sort that first, and maybe you'll get laid by your wife more. The answer to your problems is right there in front of you when you look in the mirror, don't get the hump when you get told so by strangers who you are asking to give you a magical elixir. Sorry to sound unsympathetic, but there you go, no use pussy-footing about trying not to hurt your feelings. Best of luck. All we need now is for Stevie Wonder to post saying how thankful he is to only be blind and not black as well! | |||
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"It always amazes me that when married men ask for advice about meets etc they are normally told " go ask your wife to swing" Now a married man is asking for advice on how to ask his wife to swing and that isn't right either
The point is that a married man is asking strangers on a website something which they can't possibly know. He might as well ask us what she would like for her tea.
"I personally think he got some good advice from some people which was mainly to go and talk with his wife. People ask for advice on something they are struggling on, we don't need to know all of the persons personal life to give a _iew. | |||
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"how would you go about suggesting/getting wife involved in swinging? She's not the most adventurous sort and I think she'd really enjoy herself if she let herself go and i'm not sure how to broach the subject. Also i figure she'd be more open to us playing with others together than me playing away and who knows, it might restart her sex drive, i dont really know. I'm confused . anyone have any constructive thoughts?" There are 2 things here,u criticise her sex drive,and want to swing. Before you swing you need to find out why,in your opinion she is not sexual.Swinging only works if you are happy with the sex u are getting at home,it should be the cheese and biscuits,not the main course. As others have said is she depressed,on medication,or god forbid i say it to a man,are you not satisfying her? Sort out your sex life at home and i predict happy swinging.Try to sort out your sex life with swinging...well i dont predict much happiness at all | |||
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"I was in a similar position to the OP when I was with my first wife. Our sex life, although pretty good when we were first together and for some time after, just turned sour after several years. My sex drive was still high but hers was non existent. At the time, I blamed her.... Why should it be me? I'm still horny, must be her.... Yes? Looking back though, and been a few years wiser, maybe it was actually me where the problem lay. If I was too demanding, not supportive enough, didn't help enough round the house, with our daughter etc it could of just made her think 'fuck it, if he ain't making an effort with x,y and z then I'm not going to make an effort where he will feel it' Of course, like others have said, new medication, stress outside your marriage, work issues etc could of taken a toll on her BUT the problem could be with YOU not her. Personally, I, like others no doubt don't see swinging as a way to rescue a failing sex life, it's to add to and spice up an already fantastic one. It requires good communication between you, no jealousies, no issues and 100% trust. If you ain't got that now, swinging is gonna fuck you marriage right over. Good luck in what ever you decide though. Steve " This rang so many bells with me....about my sex drive in my first marriage. Hubby often worked away...he was a brilliant provider...but I often felt like a single mum to my 2 children. I did all of housework, shopping, childcare, parents evenings etc on my own. When he was at home he considered that this was his leisure time and would go out with his mates..drinking..playing rugby..going windsurfing. The children and myself were emotionally neglected by him...and I got to the end of my tether after 14 years...I didn't want sex with him...but I had it just to keep the peace...it wasn't worth the sulking or rowing....this vicious circle..we were in just made him more distant and me more resentful. Being shown love..respect..having help with the housework and the children would maybe have made a huge difference to my non existant sex drive. | |||
"I was in a similar position to the OP when I was with my first wife. Our sex life, although pretty good when we were first together and for some time after, just turned sour after several years. My sex drive was still high but hers was non existent. At the time, I blamed her.... Why should it be me? I'm still horny, must be her.... Yes? Looking back though, and been a few years wiser, maybe it was actually me where the problem lay. If I was too demanding, not supportive enough, didn't help enough round the house, with our daughter etc it could of just made her think 'fuck it, if he ain't making an effort with x,y and z then I'm not going to make an effort where he will feel it' Of course, like others have said, new medication, stress outside your marriage, work issues etc could of taken a toll on her BUT the problem could be with YOU not her. Personally, I, like others no doubt don't see swinging as a way to rescue a failing sex life, it's to add to and spice up an already fantastic one. It requires good communication between you, no jealousies, no issues and 100% trust. If you ain't got that now, swinging is gonna fuck you marriage right over. Good luck in what ever you decide though. Steve This rang so many bells with me....about my sex drive in my first marriage. Hubby often worked away...he was a brilliant provider...but I often felt like a single mum to my 2 children. I did all of housework, shopping, childcare, parents evenings etc on my own. When he was at home he considered that this was his leisure time and would go out with his mates..drinking..playing rugby..going windsurfing. The children and myself were emotionally neglected by him...and I got to the end of my tether after 14 years...I didn't want sex with him...but I had it just to keep the peace...it wasn't worth the sulking or rowing....this vicious circle..we were in just made him more distant and me more resentful. Being shown love..respect..having help with the housework and the children would maybe have made a huge difference to my non existant sex drive. "i agree with all of the above, i have to say when i had my 2nd daughter i went of sex for 2 yrs, i didnt realise at the time i had post natal depression, but my hubby was understanding never once put any pressure on me, i got through it with his help and understanding and we still have an active and brilliant sex life now. All said and done think you need to sit down with your wife and have a conversation with her as to why she has sent of sex, pamper her, sometimes the small things are appreciated like giving a massage after shower/bath without wanting or leading to sex, if you have children take them out for few hours and give her time to paint her nails, read a book or whatever she does like to do. there is a 1001 things that could be suggested only you know your wife. | |||
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"I was in a similar position to the OP when I was with my first wife. Our sex life, although pretty good when we were first together and for some time after, just turned sour after several years. My sex drive was still high but hers was non existent. At the time, I blamed her.... Why should it be me? I'm still horny, must be her.... Yes? Looking back though, and been a few years wiser, maybe it was actually me where the problem lay. If I was too demanding, not supportive enough, didn't help enough round the house, with our daughter etc it could of just made her think 'fuck it, if he ain't making an effort with x,y and z then I'm not going to make an effort where he will feel it' Of course, like others have said, new medication, stress outside your marriage, work issues etc could of taken a toll on her BUT the problem could be with YOU not her. Personally, I, like others no doubt don't see swinging as a way to rescue a failing sex life, it's to add to and spice up an already fantastic one. It requires good communication between you, no jealousies, no issues and 100% trust. If you ain't got that now, swinging is gonna fuck you marriage right over. Good luck in what ever you decide though. Steve This rang so many bells with me....about my sex drive in my first marriage. Hubby often worked away...he was a brilliant provider...but I often felt like a single mum to my 2 children. I did all of housework, shopping, childcare, parents evenings etc on my own. When he was at home he considered that this was his leisure time and would go out with his mates..drinking..playing rugby..going windsurfing. The children and myself were emotionally neglected by him...and I got to the end of my tether after 14 years...I didn't want sex with him...but I had it just to keep the peace...it wasn't worth the sulking or rowing....this vicious circle..we were in just made him more distant and me more resentful. Being shown love..respect..having help with the housework and the children would maybe have made a huge difference to my non existant sex drive.
i agree with all of the above, i have to say when i had my 2nd daughter i went of sex for 2 yrs, i didnt realise at the time i had post natal depression, but my hubby was understanding never once put any pressure on me, i got through it with his help and understanding and we still have an active and brilliant sex life now. All said and done think you need to sit down with your wife and have a conversation with her as to why she has sent of sex, pamper her, sometimes the small things are appreciated like giving a massage after shower/bath without wanting or leading to sex, if you have children take them out for few hours and give her time to paint her nails, read a book or whatever she does like to do. there is a 1001 things that could be suggested only you know your wife. "i too lost all interest in sex due to pnd,twice,kev loves me and recognised another pressure was the last thing i needed.Quite frankly if he had suggested getting back to swinging then i would have lamped him! | |||
"I was in a similar position to the OP when I was with my first wife. Our sex life, although pretty good when we were first together and for some time after, just turned sour after several years. My sex drive was still high but hers was non existent. At the time, I blamed her.... Why should it be me? I'm still horny, must be her.... Yes? Looking back though, and been a few years wiser, maybe it was actually me where the problem lay. If I was too demanding, not supportive enough, didn't help enough round the house, with our daughter etc it could of just made her think 'fuck it, if he ain't making an effort with x,y and z then I'm not going to make an effort where he will feel it' Of course, like others have said, new medication, stress outside your marriage, work issues etc could of taken a toll on her BUT the problem could be with YOU not her. Personally, I, like others no doubt don't see swinging as a way to rescue a failing sex life, it's to add to and spice up an already fantastic one. It requires good communication between you, no jealousies, no issues and 100% trust. If you ain't got that now, swinging is gonna fuck you marriage right over. Good luck in what ever you decide though. Steve " i agree with that communication is everything | |||
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"I was in a similar position to the OP when I was with my first wife. Our sex life, although pretty good when we were first together and for some time after, just turned sour after several years. My sex drive was still high but hers was non existent. At the time, I blamed her.... Why should it be me? I'm still horny, must be her.... Yes? Looking back though, and been a few years wiser, maybe it was actually me where the problem lay. If I was too demanding, not supportive enough, didn't help enough round the house, with our daughter etc it could of just made her think 'fuck it, if he ain't making an effort with x,y and z then I'm not going to make an effort where he will feel it' Of course, like others have said, new medication, stress outside your marriage, work issues etc could of taken a toll on her BUT the problem could be with YOU not her. Personally, I, like others no doubt don't see swinging as a way to rescue a failing sex life, it's to add to and spice up an already fantastic one. It requires good communication between you, no jealousies, no issues and 100% trust. If you ain't got that now, swinging is gonna fuck you marriage right over. Good luck in what ever you decide though. Steve This rang so many bells with me....about my sex drive in my first marriage. Hubby often worked away...he was a brilliant provider...but I often felt like a single mum to my 2 children. I did all of housework, shopping, childcare, parents evenings etc on my own. When he was at home he considered that this was his leisure time and would go out with his mates..drinking..playing rugby..going windsurfing. The children and myself were emotionally neglected by him...and I got to the end of my tether after 14 years...I didn't want sex with him...but I had it just to keep the peace...it wasn't worth the sulking or rowing....this vicious circle..we were in just made him more distant and me more resentful. Being shown love..respect..having help with the housework and the children would maybe have made a huge difference to my non existant sex drive. "God this sounds just like my marriage. Husband going to work. Me doing all the house stuff and kids stuff and holding down a 50 hour a week self employed job caring for other peoples kids as well as my own. When he got home his attitude was " you've been home all day i've been at work. So I was too tired for sex and only did it to keep the peace. In the end I couldn't stand for him to even give me a cuddle. He'd walk in the door disappear upstairs and not even talk to us for an hour until he said he'd had some quiet time. Sex does go out the window when you feel unappreciated | |||
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"Maybe we shouldn't spend our time pouring our hearts out ...trying to give the O.P an insight into a women's perspective on low libido....his status update is truely remarkable ladies... "Think you may have a point. Ive only one word for op's update "Priorities" | |||
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"Maybe we shouldn't spend our time pouring our hearts out ...trying to give the O.P an insight into a women's perspective on low libido....his status update is truely remarkable ladies...
Think you may have a point. Ive only one word for op's update "Priorities""LMAO...yep...probably the kind of project my ex hubby was working on ..when he was in his "shed"...  | |||
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"yay. lots of posts i've read them all and i've decided to not be such a worthless d**k. I'm deleting the account and shelving the "project" :P. I'm going to spend more time supporting my wife, get her stupid implant out of her arm, try and help her feel more alive, lose some weight, tidy up my crap, spend more time with the kids and try and be a better husband. I would like to point out however that i do help out with the kids, i do cook meals, i do help with the housework when required, i'm happy to take my wife shopping and i dont think women are on here to do whatever and screw the morals. Thanks for all the advice i've taken it to heart. If we sort things out between us i hope i'll be back one day with other half
xx"Good luck | |||
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"Is there a prize for guessing what his new profile name is? " and your point is? | |||
"Is there a prize for guessing what his new profile name is? and your point is?" What would you surmise it is, Einstein? | |||
"Is there a prize for guessing what his new profile name is? and your point is? What would you surmise it is, Einstein?" Oh I dunno that we'll have to - he's still here | |||
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" hardly think anyones shocked the ops still here after making such a song and dance of turning of a new leaf . that of course is his right to leave site or not as he chooses . just reminds me of the saying actions speak louder than words . anyone can pontificate ,but without the actual actions to back it their words are empty and meaningless ." Totally agree. | |||
"she already knows i want more, she's just not got any interest in sex anymore "I had exactly the same thing from my ex, no interest in sex for months,maybe get lucky if we both got pissed,then a general lack of affection,I never read the signs as I loved her to bits !!! But it all boiled down to the fact she no longer loved me !!! and she couldn't tell me !!!! She then had an affair that I found out about and it all came out !!!. So rather than try and get your wife to try swinging try and found out why the lack of interest. I truly hope that your's is a different scenario than mine,  | |||
"she already knows i want more, she's just not got any interest in sex anymore
I had exactly the same thing from my ex,
no interest in sex for months,maybe get lucky if we both got pissed,then a general lack of affection,I never read the signs as I loved her to bits !!!
But it all boiled down to the fact she no longer loved me !!! and she couldn't tell me !!!!
She then had an affair that I found out about and it all came out !!!.
So rather than try and get your wife to try swinging try and found out why the lack of interest.
I truly hope that your's is a different scenario than mine,
"I think being honest you should concentrate on finding why she isnt interested in sex anymore. I would urge you to use caution and consider her feelings for a moment rather than your own. If you suggest swinging you will heighten her fears and her insecurities, and probably cause her to withdraw into herself further. Plan a romantic night for you both and get the mood right and be a friend to her, listen to her and put it acorss to her that you know something is wrong and its not helping either of you. Dont push though give her time to open up hold her handas you talk and be like a newly wed couple look into her eyes and be comforting to her not sleazy. If done right she will open up in time an dyou will find your relationship will deepen and then once you are both secure and happy then consider talking about swinging. I would guess its potential home wrecking stuff if you push her or go behind her back. Well thats my thoughts on the matter, all the best to you | |||
"How about starting by telling her that you've been a member for three weeks and your looking for other women or couples. That should break the ice! "In all honesty i think this says it all. | |||
"how would you go about suggesting/getting wife involved in swinging? She's not the most adventurous sort and I think she'd really enjoy herself if she let herself go and i'm not sure how to broach the subject. Also i figure she'd be more open to us playing with others together than me playing away and who knows, it might restart her sex drive, i dont really know. I'm confused . anyone have any constructive thoughts?" not being funny but why would you even think a woman with no sex drive is going to want to swing? | |||
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"Look the OP has the same profile as when he posted.He is just another married guy looking to screw around on his wife.If Admin cannot block adulterers can we at least avoid there self pitying posts." Depends on what you think Forums are for I guess. Entertainment and exchanging of _iews or judgement and sentencing of some by others? Just asking....  | |||
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