FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Coming out. The next big step.
Coming out. The next big step.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've just been invited to a birthday party where there will be lots of people I work with.
The birthday boy is gay and out.
He's agreed I can go as me and so this will be the first time many people I work with will see me as Rachael.
Some of them know. I imagine several have their suspicions.
I'm excited more than nervous, I think. 
Any thoughts/guidance especially from people with first hand experience of trans people coming out at work please?
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All the best. A brave thing to do. Personally, I would think it would be best to put the word out first, either via your friend or yourself. Otherwise for anyone who doesn't suspect, they may be shocked and embarrassed as they don't know how to respond, or they might be unsure and think that you have done it for fun. Good luck a net us know how it goes. |
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"I've just been invited to a birthday party where there will be lots of people I work with.
The birthday boy is gay and out.
He's agreed I can go as me and so this will be the first time many people I work with will see me as Rachael.
Some of them know. I imagine several have their suspicions.
I'm excited more than nervous, I think.
Any thoughts/guidance especially from people with first hand experience of trans people coming out at work please?
"
Is there any possibility of letting people know in advance? My only experience of a transgender female coming out, she updated her FB profile, name and photos in advance. Had anyone had any issues or prejudices I imagine they would have avoided the event. As it happens everyone turned up, followed her lead and was incredibly supportive and sensitive. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Well for those who've not noticed my posts before; I've documented my coming out to my kids, friends and family in similar threads.
This is just my next step I guess.
Looking back twelve months, I can't believe I've come so far and fab forumites have held my hand each step.
As for putting the word out; I kinda feel I've been doing that already. A gay mans birthday party should out any phobics as he's very camp and obviously gay. If they know him and are invited they're not homophobes so hopefully they're cool with trans people too.
I proudly wear my pride and sparkle, (trans pride) wrist bands 24/7. I work in shorts exposing my legs and ankle chain. Often my shorts are short enough to show my tattoo and I take my shirt off at every opertunity. Hopefully I've kinda let people know I'm wavering from the norm already  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well for those who've not noticed my posts before; I've documented my coming out to my kids, friends and family in similar threads.
This is just my next step I guess.
Looking back twelve months, I can't believe I've come so far and fab forumites have held my hand each step.
As for putting the word out; I kinda feel I've been doing that already. A gay mans birthday party should out any phobics as he's very camp and obviously gay. If they know him and are invited they're not homophobes so hopefully they're cool with trans people too.
I proudly wear my pride and sparkle, (trans pride) wrist bands 24/7. I work in shorts exposing my legs and ankle chain. Often my shorts are short enough to show my tattoo and I take my shirt off at every opertunity. Hopefully I've kinda let people know I'm wavering from the norm already "
Sounds like the best time to do it. Have a brilliant time and good luck!! x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well for those who've not noticed my posts before; I've documented my coming out to my kids, friends and family in similar threads.
This is just my next step I guess.
Looking back twelve months, I can't believe I've come so far and fab forumites have held my hand each step.
As for putting the word out; I kinda feel I've been doing that already. A gay mans birthday party should out any phobics as he's very camp and obviously gay. If they know him and are invited they're not homophobes so hopefully they're cool with trans people too.
I proudly wear my pride and sparkle, (trans pride) wrist bands 24/7. I work in shorts exposing my legs and ankle chain. Often my shorts are short enough to show my tattoo and I take my shirt off at every opertunity. Hopefully I've kinda let people know I'm wavering from the norm already "
Go you, fabulous lady! I hope you have an amazing night and I'm sure everyone will be supportive and encouraging.
Do let us know how it goes 
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"Well for those who've not noticed my posts before; I've documented my coming out to my kids, friends and family in similar threads.
This is just my next step I guess.
Looking back twelve months, I can't believe I've come so far and fab forumites have held my hand each step.
As for putting the word out; I kinda feel I've been doing that already. A gay mans birthday party should out any phobics as he's very camp and obviously gay. If they know him and are invited they're not homophobes so hopefully they're cool with trans people too.
I proudly wear my pride and sparkle, (trans pride) wrist bands 24/7. I work in shorts exposing my legs and ankle chain. Often my shorts are short enough to show my tattoo and I take my shirt off at every opertunity. Hopefully I've kinda let people know I'm wavering from the norm already "
just wanted to say you are amazing, now with the support of your family i know you will have an awesome time
and i for one will support and hold your hand any time. Thankyou for sharing xxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Once again the forumites astound me. You're such a lovely lot deep down .
I've had a couple of friends offer to come with me but I really want to face up on my own.
Hoping I don't become centre of attention too much as its my friends birthday party. He's pretty outgoing though so he'll take some show stealing to beat him!
Apparently they're having karaoke too so I intend to get up and sing. I'm not bad but I can't sing in a female voice. It usually goes down pretty well with a little humour.
Party is sept 3rd.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Would not even raise an eyebrow in London / banking world as everyone has had LBGT information / classes / parties / events / training for past 5 years. We have a few trans in my office, they borrow my heels sometimes as I'm 6"1 and have big feet
Somerset might be different |
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By *s ParisWoman
over a year ago
My Dungeon Room |
You go for it girlie put on your favourite dress and heels and favourite lippy and you get out there and shine like your beautiful self, hold your head up high and show the world your proud that you are there with nothing to prove but the beautiful lady you are deep inside and on the outdide you enjoy the night and have a wonderful time xx |
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I think you are very brave to take this step! I am sure that everyone will surround you with love and laughter.
When is the party?
Will you let us all know how it went?
We are rooting for you! You can always place a quick note on the forums to let us know when you are the door and ready to go in!!!!
Obviously you will be nervous but think how amazing you will feel after!!!!
Good luck!!!! X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Party is September 3rd.
I can stay at a premier inn and they have a couple of minibuses picking up from the hotel carpark. So it'll start there for me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most people in the forum seem to support you OP and i too support your right to chosen your lifestyle...
However, Fab people are perhaps far more tollerant than vanilla so, as this is your place of work and your livelyhood, you need to wonder if anyone will (probably secretly) be against you.
They may not be morally right but you need to consider the risk to yourself and family carefully. If you choose to come out then i wish you every success; but watch out for jealous women!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your 4th pic in the LBD is gawjus hun i would deffo wear that its so classy looking with a few sparkles n killer heels.
Knock em dead darlin and have a fabulous night xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Most people in the forum seem to support you OP and i too support your right to chosen your lifestyle...
However, Fab people are perhaps far more tollerant than vanilla so, as this is your place of work and your livelyhood, you need to wonder if anyone will (probably secretly) be against you.
They may not be morally right but you need to consider the risk to yourself and family carefully. If you choose to come out then i wish you every success; but watch out for jealous women!!! "
Not sure I understand what you mean regarding jealous women. I'm not going to pull.
I'm self employed and subcontracted to install bathrooms for a multinational company.
I'm confident I'm very good at what I do and have been installing for them for a fair few years now. Multi skilled bathroom fitters are few and far between too.
I have brilliant feedback from every customer and the areas I cover come under two installation managers. One of who is gay and both know I'm trans.
I'm assuming if I experience any back stabbing from other staff members that I can ride it out and have the back up from influential members of the installation team.
I'm ready for this.
I know there will be some who have a problem with me but I think I'm strong enough not to care and needed enough for them to be unable to get rid of me.
I appreciate your worries over people secretly, or even openly, not liking who I am. I do worry the same but I'm not going to pretend to be something I'm not for fear of their scorn. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've just been invited to a birthday party where there will be lots of people I work with.
The birthday boy is gay and out.
He's agreed I can go as me and so this will be the first time many people I work with will see me as Rachael.
Some of them know. I imagine several have their suspicions.
I'm excited more than nervous, I think.
Any thoughts/guidance especially from people with first hand experience of trans people coming out at work please?
"
When you have no secrets,you no longer have the stress of trying to keep a secret.
Many people will admire and respect your openness,honesty and courage.There may be a few who snigger behind their hand but they will be a dwindling minority.
You may be the talk of the town for a while but it doesn't take long to become yesterdays news.
Good luck.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I hope that everyone there will support what must be a very hard thing too do !
I think there might be an awful lot of interested people awaiting your after party post !
Especially those who may be looking to come out in the near future so I'm sure all their thoughts and wishes will go with you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
When you have no secrets,you no longer have the stress of trying to keep a secret.
Many people will admire and respect your openness,honesty and courage.There may be a few who snigger behind their hand but they will be a dwindling minority.
You may be the talk of the town for a while but it doesn't take long to become yesterdays news.
Good luck.
"
This pretty much puts my thought process in a nutshell.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Everyone has already said such kind words, I'll just add mine and say congratulations, it's a brave step and I hope someday I can follow in your footsteps, you're amazing |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Aw thanks ladies.
I hope my experience gives others the confidence to step out.
Every time I talk to someone in a bar or in the street I hope they go away knowing a bit more about the trans community. Perhaps they'll say or do something that furthers awareness themselves.
Hopefully all of us by standing up to be counted, at events like sparkle and pride, and out on the streets in the real world make it easier for others and the next generation. |
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"I've just been invited to a birthday party where there will be lots of people I work with.
The birthday boy is gay and out.
He's agreed I can go as me and so this will be the first time many people I work with will see me as Rachael.
Some of them know. I imagine several have their suspicions.
I'm excited more than nervous, I think.
Any thoughts/guidance especially from people with first hand experience of trans people coming out at work please?
"
. Hey Mrs, just read this and well what can I say other than, you are amazing and an inspiration, you will walk it, how can they not love you, you are beautiful, brave and funny, it has felt an honour that you have trusted us to follow your incredible journey and this is just one more step that you are going to rock, hugs always, Mrs blue eyes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Coming out could be seen as a slightly narcissistic thing to do, there is an element of 'me me me' about it.Don't be deflated if the reaction from some is 'yeah..so what?'..In many ways that could be seen as the perfect response.
The reaction I heard from my mother (many years ago) "oh, I always knew that" made everything else so much easier.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Go for it and dont be afraid. I work with a transfender in a massive office and to be truthfull no one had an issue. We all get on. Your only human my friend. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Again; thank you for so many positive and encouraging posts and messages.
I'm going to start with Tommy wynettes stand by your man as my first song. "
oh not,,,sometimes its "hard" to be a women |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Again; thank you for so many positive and encouraging posts and messages.
I'm going to start with Tommy wynettes stand by your man as my first song.
oh not,,,sometimes its "hard" to be a women "
Giving all your love to just one man |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Again; thank you for so many positive and encouraging posts and messages.
I'm going to start with Tommy wynettes stand by your man as my first song.
oh not,,,sometimes its "hard" to be a women
Giving all your love to just one man "
nah BEAVER by Jackie Beat
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdEKrzcUd9I
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hotel carpark is the pick up point for the minibus so I've booked a room there.
Soooo.... First time many of them meet me like this will be shuffling around waiting for a bus!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No experience or anything constructive to offer as guidance.
Wanted to wish you all the very best, brave lady xxx "
I totally second this... I have everything crossed for you |
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Fingers crossed for you girly.
Some people may take a little time to 'process' the change so don't be disheartened if the initial reaction is shock. You are probably the only trans in the village. If they don't come around then fuck them (not literally, although it may loosen them up a bit).
If people are so bigoted they can't accept you then their opinion doesn't count for much.
Enjoy yourself, sparkle and be fabulous, like always xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Party tonight!!
I tried changing my new earrings yesterday. Had a few hours wearing dangly ones but getting the backs onto my studs again has irritated lots. My lobes are all swollen.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Party tonight!!
I tried changing my new earrings yesterday. Had a few hours wearing dangly ones but getting the backs onto my studs again has irritated lots. My lobes are all swollen. "
Can you choose some smaller, lighter ones?
Oooooh good luck for tonight!!! Have a blast. xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Party tonight!!
I tried changing my new earrings yesterday. Had a few hours wearing dangly ones but getting the backs onto my studs again has irritated lots. My lobes are all swollen. "
Let's hope swollen loves are the least of your problems.....I'm sure you will have a great time! |
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"Party tonight!!
I tried changing my new earrings yesterday. Had a few hours wearing dangly ones but getting the backs onto my studs again has irritated lots. My lobes are all swollen. "
Put TCP on them or boiled salt water.
Enjoy! |
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"I don't think it was the dangly ones that irritated them. Purely me being all fingers and thumbs getting the backs back onto my studs.
"
My ears only like certain earrings,just don't wear any if they're still sore. Hope you enjoy yourself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Best of luck with tonight, I have a friend who is struggling with transition at the moment and the one thing she values more than anything is the group of friends she has - we are all supporting her as she transitions and it's great to see her being more confident every day.
I hope it goes well for you, and don't worry - if people are genuine, they'll accept you no matter what! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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the support I get from my wife especially is epic. Friends and family are brilliant but she is my grounding force.
I get pretty emotional at times, many of us trans people do, and she just levels me up again and reassures me.
I feel very close to being able to be full time now.
Looking at a career change to enable me to work as female too. On the tools plastering, tiling, plumbing isn't really good for my nails
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By *inzi LTV/TS
over a year ago
The Garden of Eden in Beautiful North Wales |
"The people want an update!
I'm very hung over!  . Lol.
I'll write more when I'm feeling betterer. "
I admire and respect you Rachael and I hope you had a great night... I can't wait to read your posts later. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The people want an update!
I'm very hung over! . Lol.
I'll write more when I'm feeling betterer.
I admire and respect you Rachael and I hope you had a great night... I can't wait to read your posts later. "
Aw. Thank you xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The night went really well.
I arrived fashionably a bit late and walked in to a full room having walked past all the smokers from the social club.
It was lovely. I had lots of compliments and chatted with pretty much everyone.
I sang three times. Walking right out amongst them all with the radio mic rather than standing staring at the screen.
The social club people invited me through so I flitted between the party and the club and had such a giggle. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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my daughter has just done a school placement where one of the male teachers is now a female - the pupils and staff all knew and fully supported her in this - |
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
"The night went really well.
I arrived fashionably a bit late and walked in to a full room having walked past all the smokers from the social club.
It was lovely. I had lots of compliments and chatted with pretty much everyone.
I sang three times. Walking right out amongst them all with the radio mic rather than standing staring at the screen.
The social club people invited me through so I flitted between the party and the club and had such a giggle. "
You nailed it...you go gal! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The night went really well.
I arrived fashionably a bit late and walked in to a full room having walked past all the smokers from the social club.
It was lovely. I had lots of compliments and chatted with pretty much everyone.
I sang three times. Walking right out amongst them all with the radio mic rather than standing staring at the screen.
The social club people invited me through so I flitted between the party and the club and had such a giggle.
You nailed it...you go gal!"
go get them gal glad things went well xx , |
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"my daughter has just done a school placement where one of the male teachers is now a female - the pupils and staff all knew and fully supported her in this - "
That's good to read
And well done Rachael! Glad it went well! |
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"my daughter has just done a school placement where one of the male teachers is now a female - the pupils and staff all knew and fully supported her in this - "
Employers are supposed to be supportive, not all are.
Children are very accepting of things they don't need to fully understand anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"my daughter has just done a school placement where one of the male teachers is now a female - the pupils and staff all knew and fully supported her in this -
Employers are supposed to be supportive, not all are.
Children are very accepting of things they don't need to fully understand anyway."
all girls school and all staff were - guess more fortunate than some - |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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You know; I post a nice positive thread and some woman who's jealous of the look achievable by someone like me has to pm me in a vain attempt to shake the confidence I'm building after all these years.
Shame on you. Sort your own issues out. It's not my fault you were given a female body and trashed it.
And for the record; my grown up kids are proud of me for who I am and love me the way I love them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've just been invited to a birthday party where there will be lots of people I work with.
The birthday boy is gay and out.
He's agreed I can go as me and so this will be the first time many people I work with will see me as Rachael.
Some of them know. I imagine several have their suspicions.
I'm excited more than nervous, I think.
Any thoughts/guidance especially from people with first hand experience of trans people coming out at work please?
"
Just wanted to say, I hope you have a great time and in sure it wall all be fine |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm so pleased it went well. What did you decide to wear in the end? "
I played it safe with a lbd and 6" nude heels.
The following morning I walked up through honiton high street in my long white skirt and off the shoulder, crop, blue and white top. Several beeps and a wolf whistle later I arrived at my friend's house smiling to myself |
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"I'm so pleased it went well. What did you decide to wear in the end?
I played it safe with a lbd and 6" nude heels.
The following morning I walked up through honiton high street in my long white skirt and off the shoulder, crop, blue and white top. Several beeps and a wolf whistle later I arrived at my friend's house smiling to myself "
Good on you well done xx Your so out now and everyone can see just how fab you really are xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well done Rachael.
I told my parents a couple weeks ago about myself. They actually told me they already knew and have no problem with it as long as I'm happy.
I am.
Still not full-time but slowly working towards it by stepping out in public when I can.
One step at a time. x |
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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
"my daughter has just done a school placement where one of the male teachers is now a female - the pupils and staff all knew and fully supported her in this -
Employers are supposed to be supportive, not all are.
Children are very accepting of things they don't need to fully understand anyway.
all girls school and all staff were - guess more fortunate than some - "
Think I know the school as my niece goes there - was a surprise to a lot of the pupils but they didn't really care..... Sad all the parents weren't quite as accepting |
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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
Rachael you are fab and I'm gutted I missed all this thread whilst on my hysterectomy hiatus.....
You inspire soooooo many people with your positive attitude, your sensitive caring side is something I've been at the end of and it knows no bounds - I'm eternally grateful to you for that Last but not least - your humour - I have no words to describe but you make me rock with belly laughs at times.
Nobody deserves more to be happy than you and I'm chuffed to little mintballs that your party outing was successful
Big loves missus  xx |
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