FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Running out of excuses
Running out of excuses
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Start of by saying there is no way on this planet we are telling her so let's not go there.
We have a daughter who is extremely nosey /curious.
She is 19 doesn't have many friends and doesn't go out very often.
Subsequently, she is always questioning our every move, we feel bad lying to her but know that the truth would devastate her.she is very judgmental and old fashioned in her thinking.
We keep making up stories about who and where we are going.
Personally I think it's non of her bloody business.
Jools is a bit softer on her tho.
Are there other parents out there who suffer with this?
Surely we cannot be alone in this?
We have no plans no or ever intentionally letting any member of our family know what we do, be it naturism or swinging.
Constructive feedback please.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have 7 children, the older ones, teenagers, do question where we are going on our nights out, we usually say a friends birthday but there is only so many friends any person has lol. And also from the babysitting aspect it becomes difficult to find reasons.
I think it will become tougher as they grow older, so we understand and sympathise with you. Not advice though but good luck x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Is there anything she doesn't like? For example horror, you could say you've joined a group that visits graveyards after dark. Maybe not quite that - but you get what I mean? |
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By *LFB.Woman
over a year ago
Farnborough. |
My 20 year old daughter is the same, doesnt go out a lot and questions me on where i am going and who with, and has also asked if she can come with me. I just tell her im off out with MY friends and its my social life and she should find her own friends |
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"My 20 year old daughter is the same, doesnt go out a lot and questions me on where i am going and who with, and has also asked if she can come with me. I just tell her im off out with MY friends and its my social life and she should find her own friends"
This is the truth so works on all levels  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How about - date nights? JUST the pair of you? 'Rekindling' the love in your relationship? "
 This
Plus encourage her to make some friends of her own age.
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My kids have known I have sex with (and date) women I meet off the internet since their mum and I split 14 years ago. I know single women who tell their children they're seeing some fella they've met via the web.
If you have a healthy relationship with your children they will understand mum or dad is single but have adult needs. It's a whole different kettle of fish telling them that mum and dad together have unconventional needs. You couples have my empathy. |
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I think it's always good for kids to know their parents have a relationship separate from their mum and dad duties. Would it be feasible to sit down the three of you and explain that as much as you love her your private time together is just that and she needs to respect it, you might point out that you won't dream of questioning her when she's in a relationship or asking to accompany her and her partner. I wouldn't advocate making excuses once you establish very firmly that she needs to keep her sticky beak out you won't need to and in all honesty why should you?
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We live in an age where we feel the need to be far too honest and open with our kids about everything. In consequence, they feel far too justified in demanding an explanation of our every move.
This is not a judgement, simply an observation. I have found myself doing the same thing with my own kids.
When our parents, way back when, went out, did we dare demand to know where why when? No.
Simple answer here is what I now tell my own kids. "I'm going out." End of. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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She has a very small circle of friends.
No boyfriend and never has had.
She came out a couple of years ago but has not been in a relationship yet.
She has anxiety issues and has always suffered from fear of missing out syndrome.
Ever since she was little.
She is also a self confessed geek and into marvel etc..
Because she hasn't been in a relationship she doesn't get what privacy means.
Kid's  |
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If she was going out every weekend and just said "out" if you enquired, wouldn't you be curious or even concerned if you didn't have some idea who with and where she was?
Even though my daughter is over 18 I still like to know approximately where she's going and when she'll be home.
But I wouldn't dream of lying to her and she has no need to lie to me so we just tell her we're going out to a club. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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it's your family so i can't really advise but i would personally stop making excuses and just tell her you're going out and leave it at that.
you're right it's none of her business but lying probably is worse and maybe she suspects you're lying and that's why she questions so much? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would pretend to join a bridge club or make up friends you go out with. Have imaginary conversations on the phone with Jim and Debbie about going out with them for the night. |
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"She has a very small circle of friends.
No boyfriend and never has had.
She came out a couple of years ago but has not been in a relationship yet.
She has anxiety issues and has always suffered from fear of missing out syndrome.
Ever since she was little.
She is also a self confessed geek and into marvel etc..
Because she hasn't been in a relationship she doesn't get what privacy means.
Kid's "
she has been in a relationship where privacy should go both ways, her relationship with you. You obviously have other things to deal with as far as she's concerned and of course you want to protect her but when push comes to shove you're the parents and she's the kid you should set the tone of the relationship as far as your privacy is concerned. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Our kids are the same..
We have coffee dates.
Fake cinema visits. Fake gym sessions just to get out the house alone.
We never have our house empty. Someone is always in. .. so frustrating.
Tempted to book a hotel just to have loud sex with my husband...
Teenagers |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How about - date nights? JUST the pair of you? 'Rekindling' the love in your relationship? "
I recon this.....no kids want to know their parents do adult stuff together..... let alone with anyone else  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Our kids are the same..
We have coffee dates.
Fake cinema visits. Fake gym sessions just to get out the house alone.
We never have our house empty.
Someone is always in or if they say they will be out they cancel plans and turn up at anytime. Its so frustrating
No way in the world we could ever accomodate...
Tempted to book a hotel just to have loud sex with my husband..
Teenagers argh xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Start of by saying there is no way on this planet we are telling her so let's not go there.
We have a daughter who is extremely nosey /curious.
She is 19 doesn't have many friends and doesn't go out very often.
Subsequently, she is always questioning our every move, we feel bad lying to her but know that the truth would devastate her.she is very judgmental and old fashioned in her thinking.
We keep making up stories about who and where we are going.
Personally I think it's non of her bloody business.
Jools is a bit softer on her tho.
Are there other parents out there who suffer with this?
Surely we cannot be alone in this?
We have no plans no or ever intentionally letting any member of our family know what we do, be it naturism or swinging.
Constructive feedback please.
"
I have a daughter just the same. Three years ago, she drove me to a hospital appointment and I left my handbag with her. She accessed my phone, and after reading some text messages left home ASAP and hasn't spoken to me since. I am a pervert, I am disgusting and she hasn't sent me a birthday or Christmas card since. I missed out on her 21st and she wants nothing more to do with me. I trusted her not to invade my privacy and yet she did and this was the end result - I lost my daughter. I would keep my activities to myself if I were you as much as possible, my daughter and I were close, but now are as far apart as we can be. She refers to me to her brother (my son who lives with me off and on) as HER and SHE. It hurts and I wish I could turn back the clock but can't. I can't see a way forward, even if I gave up and why should I? I am an adult and entitled to a (sex) life, she has one, but that's apparently different. |
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Question and I'm way not the person to ask it in my home position but what would you say if she wanted to go on fab?
She may well know what you do and is just not sure how to tell you...
Just thoughts and from a parents point of view thoughts I've had myself...
What would my kids say if... |
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"...I am an adult and entitled to a (sex) life, she has one, but that's apparently different."
You are of course correct regarding being entitled to a sex life, and I am in no way defending your daughter, however, very few children would be comfortable with their mother having numerous sexual partners which were found via a sex site. |
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By *anSusieCouple
over a year ago
Midlothian |
Our Son questioned us once and asked us if we were swingers....or accused us of being such. He was d*unk at the time so we were able to brush it off and he never mentioned it the next day. I was going to tell him that his mum and I are into bondage and go to rope classes with other people.....strictly clothed and nothing dodgy going on, this is in fact true(ish) except for the clothes and dodgy stuff....lol but I thought it would be easier on him, than the whole truth. we never ended up having the conversation but I can empathise with OP.
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"Start of by saying there is no way on this planet we are telling her so let's not go there.
We have a daughter who is extremely nosey /curious.
She is 19 doesn't have many friends and doesn't go out very often.
Subsequently, she is always questioning our every move, we feel bad lying to her but know that the truth would devastate her.she is very judgmental and old fashioned in her thinking.
We keep making up stories about who and where we are going.
Personally I think it's non of her bloody business.
Jools is a bit softer on her tho.
Are there other parents out there who suffer with this?
Surely we cannot be alone in this?
We have no plans no or ever intentionally letting any member of our family know what we do, be it naturism or swinging.
Constructive feedback please.
I have a daughter just the same. Three years ago, she drove me to a hospital appointment and I left my handbag with her. She accessed my phone, and after reading some text messages left home ASAP and hasn't spoken to me since. I am a pervert, I am disgusting and she hasn't sent me a birthday or Christmas card since. I missed out on her 21st and she wants nothing more to do with me. I trusted her not to invade my privacy and yet she did and this was the end result - I lost my daughter. I would keep my activities to myself if I were you as much as possible, my daughter and I were close, but now are as far apart as we can be. She refers to me to her brother (my son who lives with me off and on) as HER and SHE. It hurts and I wish I could turn back the clock but can't. I can't see a way forward, even if I gave up and why should I? I am an adult and entitled to a (sex) life, she has one, but that's apparently different."
Gosh that's incredibly sad and wrong of her to treat you like that |
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"...I am an adult and entitled to a (sex) life, she has one, but that's apparently different.
You are of course correct regarding being entitled to a sex life, and I am in no way defending your daughter, however, very few children would be comfortable with their mother having numerous sexual partners which were found via a sex site."
It doesn't matter whether she's comfortable with it or not she's still her mum. If that had been mine mum no way would I just cut her out of my life whether I liked it or not. That's a completely different side of her life to that with her daughter and she should respect that. |
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"...I am an adult and entitled to a (sex) life, she has one, but that's apparently different.
You are of course correct regarding being entitled to a sex life, and I am in no way defending your daughter, however, very few children would be comfortable with their mother having numerous sexual partners which were found via a sex site.
It doesn't matter whether she's comfortable with it or not she's still her mum. If that had been mine mum no way would I just cut her out of my life whether I liked it or not. That's a completely different side of her life to that with her daughter and she should respect that."
In an ideal world, yes, the child would respect it's the parents' choice of what they get up to in their sex life. It's not an ideal world though and I'm quite certain the overwhelming majority of offspring would be appalled and disgusted if they knew what mum got up to on here.
I stress I'm not defending the actions of the poster's daughter, I'm merely saying I understand the reaction. |
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"...I am an adult and entitled to a (sex) life, she has one, but that's apparently different.
You are of course correct regarding being entitled to a sex life, and I am in no way defending your daughter, however, very few children would be comfortable with their mother having numerous sexual partners which were found via a sex site.
It doesn't matter whether she's comfortable with it or not she's still her mum. If that had been mine mum no way would I just cut her out of my life whether I liked it or not. That's a completely different side of her life to that with her daughter and she should respect that.
In an ideal world, yes, the child would respect it's the parents' choice of what they get up to in their sex life. It's not an ideal world though and I'm quite certain the overwhelming majority of offspring would be appalled and disgusted if they knew what mum got up to on here.
I stress I'm not defending the actions of the poster's daughter, I'm merely saying I understand the reaction."
I would hate to think my daughters cut me out of their lives just because I have a sex life,hopefully they grow up to be a little more open minded. Kid's nowadays are much more sexually aware I think. |
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Simon's 18 yr old daughter lives with us and also never goes out. We have had many a trip to BGHS simply to have sex with each other, let alone anyone else.
Funnily enough, she has never, ever questioned where we go, what we do. However, there's a couple we play with regularly who we also see socially and so obviously talk about them in conversation. She DID ask how we met them... ERM, friends of friends...??  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Could you plan your week?
For example say to your daughter mon - wed, catch up nights / gym / work late / general family stuff etc etc - thurs family night down the pub / Friday - parents night with friends / Saturday - family night / Sunday - let's see now it goes! |
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"...I am an adult and entitled to a (sex) life, she has one, but that's apparently different.
You are of course correct regarding being entitled to a sex life, and I am in no way defending your daughter, however, very few children would be comfortable with their mother having numerous sexual partners which were found via a sex site.
It doesn't matter whether she's comfortable with it or not she's still her mum. If that had been mine mum no way would I just cut her out of my life whether I liked it or not. That's a completely different side of her life to that with her daughter and she should respect that.
In an ideal world, yes, the child would respect it's the parents' choice of what they get up to in their sex life. It's not an ideal world though and I'm quite certain the overwhelming majority of offspring would be appalled and disgusted if they knew what mum got up to on here.
I stress I'm not defending the actions of the poster's daughter, I'm merely saying I understand the reaction.
I would hate to think my daughters cut me out of their lives just because I have a sex life,hopefully they grow up to be a little more open minded. Kid's nowadays are much more sexually aware I think."
What I'm saying is it isn't the fact the parent(s) have a sex life, but the nature of that sex life.
Do you honestly think most kids would be cool knowing mum and dad go off and have sex with other people together? Do you honestly think most kids would be cool knowing mum had fucked 30/40/50/60 different men in the past 12 months? Do you honestly think most kids would be cool knowing their parents go dogging? Do you honestly think most kids would be cool knowing mum likes to get gangbanged, whilst dad watches? I could go on but hopefully you get the picture... |
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"...I am an adult and entitled to a (sex) life, she has one, but that's apparently different.
You are of course correct regarding being entitled to a sex life, and I am in no way defending your daughter, however, very few children would be comfortable with their mother having numerous sexual partners which were found via a sex site.
It doesn't matter whether she's comfortable with it or not she's still her mum. If that had been mine mum no way would I just cut her out of my life whether I liked it or not. That's a completely different side of her life to that with her daughter and she should respect that.
In an ideal world, yes, the child would respect it's the parents' choice of what they get up to in their sex life. It's not an ideal world though and I'm quite certain the overwhelming majority of offspring would be appalled and disgusted if they knew what mum got up to on here.
I stress I'm not defending the actions of the poster's daughter, I'm merely saying I understand the reaction.
I would hate to think my daughters cut me out of their lives just because I have a sex life,hopefully they grow up to be a little more open minded. Kid's nowadays are much more sexually aware I think."
They might be more sexually aware but they (in general) have very narrow views. Our daughters contemporaries were all shocked that a friend had professional topless photos taken with her boyfriend while we thought "what a nice memento" |
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"...I am an adult and entitled to a (sex) life, she has one, but that's apparently different.
You are of course correct regarding being entitled to a sex life, and I am in no way defending your daughter, however, very few children would be comfortable with their mother having numerous sexual partners which were found via a sex site.
It doesn't matter whether she's comfortable with it or not she's still her mum. If that had been mine mum no way would I just cut her out of my life whether I liked it or not. That's a completely different side of her life to that with her daughter and she should respect that.
In an ideal world, yes, the child would respect it's the parents' choice of what they get up to in their sex life. It's not an ideal world though and I'm quite certain the overwhelming majority of offspring would be appalled and disgusted if they knew what mum got up to on here.
I stress I'm not defending the actions of the poster's daughter, I'm merely saying I understand the reaction.
I would hate to think my daughters cut me out of their lives just because I have a sex life,hopefully they grow up to be a little more open minded. Kid's nowadays are much more sexually aware I think.
They might be more sexually aware but they (in general) have very narrow views. Our daughters contemporaries were all shocked that a friend had professional topless photos taken with her boyfriend while we thought "what a nice memento" "
Prudes!  |
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"...I am an adult and entitled to a (sex) life, she has one, but that's apparently different.
You are of course correct regarding being entitled to a sex life, and I am in no way defending your daughter, however, very few children would be comfortable with their mother having numerous sexual partners which were found via a sex site.
It doesn't matter whether she's comfortable with it or not she's still her mum. If that had been mine mum no way would I just cut her out of my life whether I liked it or not. That's a completely different side of her life to that with her daughter and she should respect that.
In an ideal world, yes, the child would respect it's the parents' choice of what they get up to in their sex life. It's not an ideal world though and I'm quite certain the overwhelming majority of offspring would be appalled and disgusted if they knew what mum got up to on here.
I stress I'm not defending the actions of the poster's daughter, I'm merely saying I understand the reaction.
I would hate to think my daughters cut me out of their lives just because I have a sex life,hopefully they grow up to be a little more open minded. Kid's nowadays are much more sexually aware I think.
What I'm saying is it isn't the fact the parent(s) have a sex life, but the nature of that sex life.
Do you honestly think most kids would be cool knowing mum and dad go off and have sex with other people together? Do you honestly think most kids would be cool knowing mum had fucked 30/40/50/60 different men in the past 12 months? Do you honestly think most kids would be cool knowing their parents go dogging? Do you honestly think most kids would be cool knowing mum likes to get gangbanged, whilst dad watches? I could go on but hopefully you get the picture..."
Sorry run that by me again I didn't get past the 'Do you honestly' bit... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My kids have known I have sex with (and date) women I meet off the internet since their mum and I split 14 years ago. I know single women who tell their children they're seeing some fella they've met via the web.
If you have a healthy relationship with your children they will understand mum or dad is single but have adult needs. It's a whole different kettle of fish telling them that mum and dad together have unconventional needs. You couples have my empathy."
A (lady) friend of mine....from fab....has always been up front with her kids. They know about fab, charms and xtasia. They know that their mum knows me , and others, through fab.
They know their mum has been to stay a few weekends with me and why. Her eldest daughter has also been to stay a weekend but isn't in fab.
Some families are just more open. |
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The most interesting topic i have ever seen on fabs.
Just do what your gut thinks is right and be ready to deal with whatever the consequence is.
Try helping her get a bf or more friends, try an app called 'MEETUP' theres groups for young adults, go with her to some of there meetups at the pub or something till she becomes used to the people. Some new meetups get people who turn out to be friends. I met one of my exs from meetup groups.
Try that. Hope it works.
Goodluck!! |
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"...I am an adult and entitled to a (sex) life, she has one, but that's apparently different.
You are of course correct regarding being entitled to a sex life, and I am in no way defending your daughter, however, very few children would be comfortable with their mother having numerous sexual partners which were found via a sex site.
It doesn't matter whether she's comfortable with it or not she's still her mum. If that had been mine mum no way would I just cut her out of my life whether I liked it or not. That's a completely different side of her life to that with her daughter and she should respect that.
In an ideal world, yes, the child would respect it's the parents' choice of what they get up to in their sex life. It's not an ideal world though and I'm quite certain the overwhelming majority of offspring would be appalled and disgusted if they knew what mum got up to on here.
I stress I'm not defending the actions of the poster's daughter, I'm merely saying I understand the reaction.
I would hate to think my daughters cut me out of their lives just because I have a sex life,hopefully they grow up to be a little more open minded. Kid's nowadays are much more sexually aware I think.
What I'm saying is it isn't the fact the parent(s) have a sex life, but the nature of that sex life.
Do you honestly think most kids would be cool knowing mum and dad go off and have sex with other people together? Do you honestly think most kids would be cool knowing mum had fucked 30/40/50/60 different men in the past 12 months? Do you honestly think most kids would be cool knowing their parents go dogging? Do you honestly think most kids would be cool knowing mum likes to get gangbanged, whilst dad watches? I could go on but hopefully you get the picture..."
Haha. You made my day mate.
I am sure most kids wont be cool with that.
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"Start of by saying there is no way on this planet we are telling her so let's not go there.
We have a daughter who is extremely nosey /curious.
She is 19 doesn't have many friends and doesn't go out very often.
Subsequently, she is always questioning our every move, we feel bad lying to her but know that the truth would devastate her.she is very judgmental and old fashioned in her thinking.
We keep making up stories about who and where we are going.
Personally I think it's non of her bloody business.
Jools is a bit softer on her tho.
Are there other parents out there who suffer with this?
Surely we cannot be alone in this?
We have no plans no or ever intentionally letting any member of our family know what we do, be it naturism or swinging.
Constructive feedback please.
I have a daughter just the same. Three years ago, she drove me to a hospital appointment and I left my handbag with her. She accessed my phone, and after reading some text messages left home ASAP and hasn't spoken to me since. I am a pervert, I am disgusting and she hasn't sent me a birthday or Christmas card since. I missed out on her 21st and she wants nothing more to do with me. I trusted her not to invade my privacy and yet she did and this was the end result - I lost my daughter. I would keep my activities to myself if I were you as much as possible, my daughter and I were close, but now are as far apart as we can be. She refers to me to her brother (my son who lives with me off and on) as HER and SHE. It hurts and I wish I could turn back the clock but can't. I can't see a way forward, even if I gave up and why should I? I am an adult and entitled to a (sex) life, she has one, but that's apparently different."
I am really sorry. Thats very sad.  |
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our two actually inadvertently found out years ago, it wasnt such a big deal for them, i think daughter actually thought it was quite amusing. we would never have intentionally told either of them, but once it was out no use denying it lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is difficult as all kids are different. I have two boys 23 and 18 and I know I would get different responses to me saying I was on here.
Must admit though I would be tempted to say we are just going out. Also would suggest getting some help for here anxiety. Does she chat to friends through the internet. I know our youngest doe
The youngest rarely leaves the house. But we have other interest that we only started once he got older that takes us out so he wouldn't question it. |
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By *lan157Man
over a year ago
a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex |
I was on a regular dating site a few years ago. I inadvertently left some printed profiles of ladies I was talking to out in the kitchen and my daughter who had called in to see me read them whilst I was out of the room. When I came back in the room she was reading them and laughing. When I asked if she was laughing at their profiles she said "no I was laughing about what you said about yourself" |
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I feel your pain, and I am stealing some of these excuses....
Dinner club... Genius , as is the idea of a cinema club.
We have been to:
Hindu wedding (couple days visit at a club, a social and a meet a few days later)
Work dinner parties
Wolfs friends/My friends for a night out
Pub quiz
Evening classes
Dating, just the two of us.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We never have our house empty. Someone is always in. .. so frustrating.
Tempted to book a hotel just to have loud sex with my husband...
Have actually had to do this!!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You have a child that still wants to spend time with you?! Sack swinging off for now, be greatful they want you still they grow up too fast "
Very true the house will be very quiet once she leaves home.
Thanks to everyone for their replies |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Our 20 year old son would freak out if he knew, on the other hand our 15 year old daughter found out when I accidentally left our fab profile open on my PC and she saw it. Her reaction was just a shrug and that was it.
We would never have told them ourselves but secrets do not last forever... |
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My daughter was the same. I had chosen to be celibate a while. When she turned 18 I decided it was time for a sex life. I told her, I also told her I needed privacy and was a little unconventional. I explained I had put her and her brother first but it had been lonely. Thankfully she understood. |
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"Start of by saying there is no way on this planet we are telling her so let's not go there.
We have a daughter who is extremely nosey /curious.
She is 19 doesn't have many friends and doesn't go out very often.
Subsequently, she is always questioning our every move, we feel bad lying to her but know that the truth would devastate her.she is very judgmental and old fashioned in her thinking.
We keep making up stories about who and where we are going.
Personally I think it's non of her bloody business.
Jools is a bit softer on her tho.
Are there other parents out there who suffer with this?
Surely we cannot be alone in this?
We have no plans no or ever intentionally letting any member of our family know what we do, be it naturism or swinging.
Constructive feedback please.
"
Curiosity is natural, but not sure why you are running out of excuses. If she is 19 then you going out with friends or even spending a couples weekend away is very natural. |
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"it's your family so i can't really advise but i would personally stop making excuses and just tell her you're going out and leave it at that.
you're right it's none of her business but lying probably is worse and maybe she suspects you're lying and that's why she questions so much?"
Yes, I have to deal with family queries sometimes but I always try to avoid lying, so just say I am meeting a friend, or going out for a drink, and just omit the sex bit!
Going out with friends or to a club or on a date night or even to a party should be enough explanation, especially if, as some have suggested, you explain you need time alone with each other. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My daughter was the same. I had chosen to be celibate a while. When she turned 18 I decided it was time for a sex life. I told her, I also told her I needed privacy and was a little unconventional. I explained I had put her and her brother first but it had been lonely. Thankfully she understood."
Mine didnt get that, sad to say. |
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"...I am an adult and entitled to a (sex) life, she has one, but that's apparently different.
You are of course correct regarding being entitled to a sex life, and I am in no way defending your daughter, however, very few children would be comfortable with their mother having numerous sexual partners which were found via a sex site.
It doesn't matter whether she's comfortable with it or not she's still her mum. If that had been mine mum no way would I just cut her out of my life whether I liked it or not. That's a completely different side of her life to that with her daughter and she should respect that.
In an ideal world, yes, the child would respect it's the parents' choice of what they get up to in their sex life. It's not an ideal world though and I'm quite certain the overwhelming majority of offspring would be appalled and disgusted if they knew what mum got up to on here.
I stress I'm not defending the actions of the poster's daughter, I'm merely saying I understand the reaction.
I would hate to think my daughters cut me out of their lives just because I have a sex life,hopefully they grow up to be a little more open minded. Kid's nowadays are much more sexually aware I think.
What I'm saying is it isn't the fact the parent(s) have a sex life, but the nature of that sex life.
Do you honestly think most kids would be cool knowing mum and dad go off and have sex with other people together? Do you honestly think most kids would be cool knowing mum had fucked 30/40/50/60 different men in the past 12 months? Do you honestly think most kids would be cool knowing their parents go dogging? Do you honestly think most kids would be cool knowing mum likes to get gangbanged, whilst dad watches? I could go on but hopefully you get the picture...
Haha. You made my day mate.
I am sure most kids wont be cool with that.
"
Well clearly you are not going to tell your child about every single encounter are you so that's just silly. We don't want to know about our kid's sex life and they don't want to know about ours it works both ways doesn't it! |
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"...I am an adult and entitled to a (sex) life, she has one, but that's apparently different.
You are of course correct regarding being entitled to a sex life, and I am in no way defending your daughter, however, very few children would be comfortable with their mother having numerous sexual partners which were found via a sex site.
It doesn't matter whether she's comfortable with it or not she's still her mum. If that had been mine mum no way would I just cut her out of my life whether I liked it or not. That's a completely different side of her life to that with her daughter and she should respect that.
In an ideal world, yes, the child would respect it's the parents' choice of what they get up to in their sex life. It's not an ideal world though and I'm quite certain the overwhelming majority of offspring would be appalled and disgusted if they knew what mum got up to on here.
I stress I'm not defending the actions of the poster's daughter, I'm merely saying I understand the reaction.
I would hate to think my daughters cut me out of their lives just because I have a sex life,hopefully they grow up to be a little more open minded. Kid's nowadays are much more sexually aware I think.
They might be more sexually aware but they (in general) have very narrow views. Our daughters contemporaries were all shocked that a friend had professional topless photos taken with her boyfriend while we thought "what a nice memento"
Prudes! "
They are! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Start of by saying there is no way on this planet we are telling her so let's not go there.
We have a daughter who is extremely nosey /curious.
She is 19 doesn't have many friends and doesn't go out very often.
Subsequently, she is always questioning our every move, we feel bad lying to her but know that the truth would devastate her.she is very judgmental and old fashioned in her thinking.
We keep making up stories about who and where we are going.
Personally I think it's non of her bloody business.
Jools is a bit softer on her tho.
Are there other parents out there who suffer with this?
Surely we cannot be alone in this?
We have no plans no or ever intentionally letting any member of our family know what we do, be it naturism or swinging.
Constructive feedback please.
We have had similar problems with my youngest. We plan to play on Saturdays and always got questioned why she couldn't come with us.
We basically told her we run round at work all week and for all our kids and grandkids so Saturday's are date nights and any other time she is welcome to join us at local, shopping, family visits but Saturday's are our nights. It took a while for it to sink in but now all our kids know Saturday's are for J and me only. Some nights we do play others are actual date nights but all our kids now know it's a J&R night only.
Hope this helps.
"
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I get asked by my 17yr old son and his mates where we are going. I tell them out for an evening of sex, drugs and rock n roll...and a bit of naked pole dancing.
They have now learned not to ask me questions.
A win win situation |
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"I get asked by my 17yr old son and his mates where we are going. I tell them out for an evening of sex, drugs and rock n roll...and a bit of naked pole dancing.
They have now learned not to ask me questions.
A win win situation "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My kids had this very irritating 'scared of missing out' syndrome. No matter what i did they had to interfere. It started at around 12 and got worse as they got older.
It got to the point where i refused to justify my actions to them.
After much trial and error i found these 2 the most successful ways of getting rid of parasitic teenagers/young adults:
1) Tell them you are going to an over 30's night club, apart from the age barrier there is no way they will listen to old music.
2) They cannot comprehend the concept of parents having sex, their whole concept and personality labeling system just does not compute. Parent + swx = 404 error.
I used to tell mine im going to have sex, their ears and inquisitiveness are in the off position at this point.
They can spot a lie in us as easily as we can in them, so keeping the lie simple with a little truth did the trick. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We told my 19 yr old stepson the truth ?? living in a remote location and his not having passed his driving test yet or made many friend in the 6 months he's been with us, made making excuses a little difficult. he blushed and laughed but he knows and therefore we don't have to find any excuses. He can't get his head around it yet but I'm sure in time he will, we explained that by swinging together we werent being unfaithful to each other and we always go and come home together. Honesty is the best policy we felt, no hiding anything to be found out by accident! |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
My son found out I'm on the site by accident. He's 21 but I don't get any hassle from him about it. Other two are 16 and 18 I just say I'm going out.
As long as I get my time with the kids and some 'me' time then everybody is happy.
Like other people have said tell her it's 'date night'. Take her to the cinema or out for a meal but still have your own nights to yourself.
|
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"
Are there other parents out there who suffer with this?
Surely we cannot be alone in this?
We have no plans no or ever intentionally letting any member of our family know what we do, be it naturism or swinging.
Constructive feedback please.
"
We often just "go out with friends".
Cal |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Take up dancing aswell as swinging.....lots of dance events allover the country. Try Ceroc. It's easy to learn, we often go dancing then onto swingers club. M x |
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"Start of by saying there is no way on this planet we are telling her so let's not go there.
We have a daughter who is extremely nosey /curious.
She is 19 doesn't have many friends and doesn't go out very often.
Subsequently, she is always questioning our every move, we feel bad lying to her but know that the truth would devastate her.she is very judgmental and old fashioned in her thinking.
We keep making up stories about who and where we are going.
Personally I think it's non of her bloody business.
Jools is a bit softer on her tho.
Are there other parents out there who suffer with this?
Surely we cannot be alone in this?
We have no plans no or ever intentionally letting any member of our family know what we do, be it naturism or swinging.
Constructive feedback please.
"
We used to live three doors down the road from our daughter so when we decided to embark on our swinging journey we felt telling her was our only option as if she turned up and other couples who had been staying overnight and wandering around the house might come as a shock so we told her if there is another car parked on the drive ring before coming up ..honesty we believe is the best policy she didn't bat an eyelid and has never really asked much just seems to accept its one of our hobbies all be it a dear one at times ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Start of by saying there is no way on this planet we are telling her so let's not go there.
We have a daughter who is extremely nosey /curious.
She is 19 doesn't have many friends and doesn't go out very often.
Subsequently, she is always questioning our every move, we feel bad lying to her but know that the truth would devastate her.she is very judgmental and old fashioned in her thinking.
We keep making up stories about who and where we are going.
Personally I think it's non of her bloody business.
Jools is a bit softer on her tho.
Are there other parents out there who suffer with this?
Surely we cannot be alone in this?
We have no plans no or ever intentionally letting any member of our family know what we do, be it naturism or swinging.
Constructive feedback please.
I have a daughter just the same. Three years ago, she drove me to a hospital appointment and I left my handbag with her. She accessed my phone, and after reading some text messages left home ASAP and hasn't spoken to me since. I am a pervert, I am disgusting and she hasn't sent me a birthday or Christmas card since. I missed out on her 21st and she wants nothing more to do with me. I trusted her not to invade my privacy and yet she did and this was the end result - I lost my daughter. I would keep my activities to myself if I were you as much as possible, my daughter and I were close, but now are as far apart as we can be. She refers to me to her brother (my son who lives with me off and on) as HER and SHE. It hurts and I wish I could turn back the clock but can't. I can't see a way forward, even if I gave up and why should I? I am an adult and entitled to a (sex) life, she has one, but that's apparently different."
That's a terrible way for her to treat you. I have 2 son's living at home, I can go out leave my phone behind (it's not locked) and I know they won't look at it.
That's how it should be, your phone was your private property, she should not have looked at it. You are entitled to your private life XXX |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My daughter is 19 and she knows I'm on fab! she doesn't go out much but knows I visit clubs I'm very honest with her! and she is very accepting! I had moved out by her age and was living on my own! She doesn't look like she's moving out anytime soon so I've had to be honest and reclaim some of my life back lol x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"If I found my children asking too many question and going on meets instead of going out with them I think I would seriously re-evaluated my life x"
Well we have spent 30 year's of our life dedicated to both our children, she has had 19years of our unadulterated attention and love.
Do we not deserve time to ourselves?
Just to explain, I have no idea why I have to justify ourselves to you but.we have dinner every night as a family round the table, we have at least two family evenings a week sit down and watch TV together.
Usually once a week Jools and I pop to our local forward couple of drinks we always invite our daughter and usually whichever friend happens to be there.
So because we wish to have a couple of nights a week or even a month to ourselves that makes us bad parents?
The problem is we have lavished to much attention on her when she wanted it and now like most kids these day's she is spoilt and expects the house to revolve around her.
So we are guilty of bad parenting.
Besides she isn't a child she is 19.
|
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Devil-lady's parents were honest when they told
Her what they were doing...obviously she didn't care but not everyone is as accepting.Just tell her you want alone time with each other which you absolutely deserve. |
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By *3xymamaWoman
over a year ago
Uptown Top Ranking |
Both my children know I'm on fab. They also know I go to clubs. I also found my son on fab when using the "who's near" facility. I recognised the kitchen in his pics. We have now blocked each other so we don't know what the other is up to.
I'm very lucky to have an open relationship with my kids |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I found my children asking too many question and going on meets instead of going out with them I think I would seriously re-evaluated my life x"
The "child" is 19 ffs |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"Both my children know I'm on fab. They also know I go to clubs. I also found my son on fab when using the "who's near" facility. I recognised the kitchen in his pics. We have now blocked each other so we don't know what the other is up to.
I'm very lucky to have an open relationship with my kids"
i have this
adults deserve to have identities too..personally i would tell her but i dont know her character, if manipulative it could lead to scenarios you dont want...ask her to move out?.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My 20 year old daughter is the same, doesnt go out a lot and questions me on where i am going and who with, and has also asked if she can come with me. I just tell her im off out with MY friends and its my social life and she should find her own friends"
This , she needs to get a life quite frankly. |
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By *manda63Woman
over a year ago
Southampton |
"Start of by saying there is no way on this planet we are telling her so let's not go there.
We have a daughter who is extremely nosey /curious.
She is 19 doesn't have many friends and doesn't go out very often.
Subsequently, she is always questioning our every move, we feel bad lying to her but know that the truth would devastate her.she is very judgmental and old fashioned in her thinking.
We keep making up stories about who and where we are going.
Personally I think it's non of her bloody business.
Jools is a bit softer on her tho.
Are there other parents out there who suffer with this?
Surely we cannot be alone in this?
We have no plans no or ever intentionally letting any member of our family know what we do, be it naturism or swinging.
Constructive feedback please.
"
I don't have the situation yuu do but as you say it's none of her business. She came out and I bet you didn't criticise her or say it was wrong. I wouldn't tell her, just say as others have said, date nights etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How about - date nights? JUST the pair of you? 'Rekindling' the love in your relationship? "
This....its not quite the same but i had father daughter days out each month with mine...still do....actually a Christmas present from my eldest was a daughter father day out...she paid and organised everything....
so why not you and partner night out just you two? |
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1: Invent a new hobby that you two have that you know for certain she'll find absolutely boring.
2: Join a forum about said hobby. Leave laptop open with such boring forums on view.
3: Start leaving the odd magazine around the house about it.
4: Talk about said hobby between yourselves while she is in earshot. "Jeez, are you two on about that AGAIN??"
Fishing, stamp collecting, train spotting, anything. But wherever the "weekly" or "impromptu" meets are with other such boring adults has no mobile signal.
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Astronomy is a good one as its something you can only really do at night and I can't imagine she'd be thrilled at the idea of standing in a field in the dark looking up for long.
But if you do take this up, be prepared to take her to something at least once so it's believed and she knows how dull it is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I found my children asking too many question and going on meets instead of going out with them I think I would seriously re-evaluated my life x
Well we have spent 30 year's of our life dedicated to both our children, she has had 19years of our unadulterated attention and love.
Do we not deserve time to ourselves?
Just to explain, I have no idea why I have to justify ourselves to you but.we have dinner every night as a family round the table, we have at least two family evenings a week sit down and watch TV together.
Usually once a week Jools and I pop to our local forward couple of drinks we always invite our daughter and usually whichever friend happens to be there.
So because we wish to have a couple of nights a week or even a month to ourselves that makes us bad parents?
The problem is we have lavished to much attention on her when she wanted it and now like most kids these day's she is spoilt and expects the house to revolve around her.
So we are guilty of bad parenting.
Besides she isn't a child she is 19.
"
The comment wasn't actually directed at you....I'm talking about my children.....if they started asking too many question and swinging was interferring with my life I would rethink the whole thing and give it up in a second
Your life is your life and you live it how you see fit. ....sorry if you thought it was a dig at you....it certainly wasn't x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If I found my children asking too many question and going on meets instead of going out with them I think I would seriously re-evaluated my life x
Well we have spent 30 year's of our life dedicated to both our children, she has had 19years of our unadulterated attention and love.
Do we not deserve time to ourselves?
Just to explain, I have no idea why I have to justify ourselves to you but.we have dinner every night as a family round the table, we have at least two family evenings a week sit down and watch TV together.
Usually once a week Jools and I pop to our local forward couple of drinks we always invite our daughter and usually whichever friend happens to be there.
So because we wish to have a couple of nights a week or even a month to ourselves that makes us bad parents?
The problem is we have lavished to much attention on her when she wanted it and now like most kids these day's she is spoilt and expects the house to revolve around her.
So we are guilty of bad parenting.
Besides she isn't a child she is 19.
The comment wasn't actually directed at you....I'm talking about my children.....if they started asking too many question and swinging was interferring with my life I would rethink the whole thing and give it up in a second
Your life is your life and you live it how you see fit. ....sorry if you thought it was a dig at you....it certainly wasn't x"
No problem xx |
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"Start of by saying there is no way on this planet we are telling her so let's not go there.
We have a daughter who is extremely nosey /curious.
She is 19 doesn't have many friends and doesn't go out very often.
Subsequently, she is always questioning our every move, we feel bad lying to her but know that the truth would devastate her.she is very judgmental and old fashioned in her thinking.
We keep making up stories about who and where we are going.
Personally I think it's non of her bloody business.
Jools is a bit softer on her tho.
Are there other parents out there who suffer with this?
Surely we cannot be alone in this?
We have no plans no or ever intentionally letting any member of our family know what we do, be it naturism or swinging.
Constructive feedback please.
"
We live with five teenagers and we prioritise our time and our relationship with them over anything swinging can do or give us. We do get plenty of alone time and they don't question us, but we totally enjoy their company too .... never had the inquisition from any of them ... how much time are you spending away? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You see that's one of the problems, she wants to come with us if we say we are going to a pub. "
I've had that too
I've actually stayed in before because my middle daugher has wanted to come with me when I'm 'going to the pub' because I couldn't think of a reason she couldn't come I've just said I'm not going now
It's really hard at times because I don't have the type of relationship with my girls where I just tell them to mind their own business so making up excuse of where I'm going can be hard
I have this often my girls are always questioning me where I'm going, but then if they are going out I tend to ask where they are going, I think it's just what you do |
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"You see that's one of the problems, she wants to come with us if we say we are going to a pub.
I've had that too
I've actually stayed in before because my middle daugher has wanted to come with me when I'm 'going to the pub' because I couldn't think of a reason she couldn't come I've just said I'm not going now
It's really hard at times because I don't have the type of relationship with my girls where I just tell them to mind their own business so making up excuse of where I'm going can be hard
I have this often my girls are always questioning me where I'm going, but then if they are going out I tend to ask where they are going, I think it's just what you do"
Could you not say you are going out on a date?
Your single so they are unlikely to want to chaperone you on a date?
We go on date nights, if the kids got older and asked to come we'd say sure but let's go out with you on your dates too.
We spend pretty much every other second of the day with the kids so 1 night ever so often is not too much to ask. |
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You say that you are running out of excuses. Perhaps try a more 'global' approach - sit her down and say how you have dedicated the last 19 years of your life to her and now that she is 19, you feel that you need a bit of 'mum and dad time'. You want to be able to go out on date nights, meet friends, be spontaneous, go out without knowing what you want to do, rediscover your relationship, get pissed and end up in a mess, go to a club, chat to people in a bar and make new friends, book a hotel as 'Mr and Mrs Smith' for the weekend, go shopping together for nice lingerie, be topless on a beach while having a picnic and sharing a bottle of wine, have a romantic walk in the countryside together, go out and talk about work together rather than at home, talk about your future and prepare a bucket list for when it's eventually just the two of you at home again etc etc. Only you know your daughter but most children would appreciate that their parents have a loving relationship and want to spend some time together. At the same time explain that you want to be able to just go out and do these things without being subjected to the Spanish Inquisition (before or after) as too much questioning could seem like an intrusion into your privacy. Reassure her that you will let her know that you are going out and approximately what time you will be back and that you will respect her privacy in the same way.
It seems that you include her at other times and that you don't want to go out too often, so hopefully she might be reassured and understand. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My son and his girlfriend who were 17 came in early one night to see her parents and another couple having sex in the lounge. She ran out in tears with my son. However after a few weeks she calmed down and as far as I know things seem ok now as they have been shopping together. She doesn't discuss it with my son though.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I also went to a party in the borders in which six couples were invited. The couples home was full of pictures of kids and grandkids. She then said that her son lived round the corner but was told not to visit when they had party nights on so I presume they were open about it. I would be a bag of nerves of I hosted a party and one of my kids lived two streets away! |
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We are the same , but our daughter has moved out so no problem , but we have to plan our meets .either say we going works do friends party , or plan meets for when son goes on holiday or when he says he won't be home for the night , we don't lie just don't say anything . But I don't know why . We don't interfere in their private life ?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You see that's one of the problems, she wants to come with us if we say we are going to a pub.
I've had that too
I've actually stayed in before because my middle daugher has wanted to come with me when I'm 'going to the pub' because I couldn't think of a reason she couldn't come I've just said I'm not going now
It's really hard at times because I don't have the type of relationship with my girls where I just tell them to mind their own business so making up excuse of where I'm going can be hard
I have this often my girls are always questioning me where I'm going, but then if they are going out I tend to ask where they are going, I think it's just what you do"
You could have still went to the pub and had a nice time with your daughter x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You are completely entitled to your private life...but perhaps instead of her just being nosy, it's her asking to tag along in order to make friends and socialise...? Perhaps she's feeling isolated. Finding going out alone difficult?
Why don't you and your partner make plans to take her out?
If she made friends and therefore started making her own plans, she'd be less interested in your plans. Win - win. |
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My son has no interest in my sex life. He doesnt live at home vut him and his partner came to dtay while i was away.
I didnt hide anything, although nothing on show i know he saw boxes of varies sized condoms as he haf got something out the cupboard and couldnt miss them.
He aldo set my television up a couple of years ago and fab appeared up on it and he was reading it, never said a word. Think its noval to him i still have sex.
I taught him a funny lesson when he was about 14, never to underestimate me.
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"If I found my children asking too many question and going on meets instead of going out with them I think I would seriously re-evaluated my life x"
Do you have children? Most parents aren't with their kids 24/7 and it wouldn't be healthy for either party if that was the case. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I found my children asking too many question and going on meets instead of going out with them I think I would seriously re-evaluated my life x
Do you have children? Most parents aren't with their kids 24/7 and it wouldn't be healthy for either party if that was the case."
Yes I have 2 and if I thought there was even a hint of them finding out about this I would drop it in a heart beat....also if I had a choice with going out with my children and going on a meet I would pick my children x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Start of by saying there is no way on this planet we are telling her so let's not go there.
We have a daughter who is extremely nosey /curious.
She is 19 doesn't have many friends and doesn't go out very often.
Subsequently, she is always questioning our every move, we feel bad lying to her but know that the truth would devastate her.she is very judgmental and old fashioned in her thinking.
We keep making up stories about who and where we are going.
Personally I think it's non of her bloody business.
Jools is a bit softer on her tho.
Are there other parents out there who suffer with this?
Surely we cannot be alone in this?
We have no plans no or ever intentionally letting any member of our family know what we do, be it naturism or swinging.
Constructive feedback please.
"
You don't need to tell her you swing, why not sit her down though and work out / talk about why she is so old fashioned/ judgementle? You might be suprised by her answers, she might not be or just eant daughter and parents time? You don't have to lie surely? Just say your off out for couple time/ relationship time?
Good luck xx |
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"If I found my children asking too many question and going on meets instead of going out with them I think I would seriously re-evaluated my life x
Do you have children? Most parents aren't with their kids 24/7 and it wouldn't be healthy for either party if that was the case.
Yes I have 2 and if I thought there was even a hint of them finding out about this I would drop it in a heart beat....also if I had a choice with going out with my children and going on a meet I would pick my children x"
So you've never even had anyone look after your kids to go for a meal ect?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I found my children asking too many question and going on meets instead of going out with them I think I would seriously re-evaluated my life x
Do you have children? Most parents aren't with their kids 24/7 and it wouldn't be healthy for either party if that was the case.
Yes I have 2 and if I thought there was even a hint of them finding out about this I would drop it in a heart beat....also if I had a choice with going out with my children and going on a meet I would pick my children x
So you've never even had anyone look after your kids to go for a meal ect?
"
Of course I have x |
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By *manda63Woman
over a year ago
Southampton |
"You see that's one of the problems, she wants to come with us if we say we are going to a pub.
I've had that too
I've actually stayed in before because my middle daugher has wanted to come with me when I'm 'going to the pub' because I couldn't think of a reason she couldn't come I've just said I'm not going now
It's really hard at times because I don't have the type of relationship with my girls where I just tell them to mind their own business so making up excuse of where I'm going can be hard
I have this often my girls are always questioning me where I'm going, but then if they are going out I tend to ask where they are going, I think it's just what you do"
I agree with the part where you ask where they are going etc as it's what we do as parents but our children shouldn't question us on what we do. My daughter did this a few years ago, she asked what time I would home, needless to say, a row erupted and I told her where to get off. |
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"Start of by saying there is no way on this planet we are telling her so let's not go there.
We have a daughter who is extremely nosey /curious.
She is 19 doesn't have many friends and doesn't go out very often.
Subsequently, she is always questioning our every move, we feel bad lying to her but know that the truth would devastate her.she is very judgmental and old fashioned in her thinking.
We keep making up stories about who and where we are going.
Personally I think it's non of her bloody business.
Jools is a bit softer on her tho.
Are there other parents out there who suffer with this?
Surely we cannot be alone in this?
We have no plans no or ever intentionally letting any member of our family know what we do, be it naturism or swinging.
Constructive feedback please.
"
We had exactly the same thing. Our daughter kept questioning - me, being a man, can lie with ease but Kate's not so good at it!
It was when her boyfriend noticed we were taking our own alcohol out she said "you're not swingers are you!!!" 
Kate stumbled to much and basically said well we dogs to the clubs... But just to watch. 
She hasn't baby sat for us since. That was 3 years ago. she won't do it out of principle. On the flip side she doesn't ask us any questions anymore!!
I feel for you. Ironically the other children think it's hilarious. We told them as it don't seem fair once one knew.
D |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ok, flip perspective as a 26yo living with parents who has anxiety (and other quite severe mental health problems). I don't go out much, my parents don't go out much.
When they do go out outside of their normal routine of church and prayer meetings I ask them where they are going and when they are back.
Not because I particularly care, but so I know not to get panicked at a certain time because I hear somebody in the house and so I know they are reachable if I have problems like the house burning down or an intruder.
Also, I like to know how long I have the house to myself so I can masturbate.
I ask the questions to calm my anxiety, rather than being nosy. I just wondered if you'd considered how your daughters anxiety might be the reason behind the questions. I go through periods where I feel too anxious to be in the house on my own, which could be why she wants to tag along but doesn't feel able to say that she's scared on her own.
I expect I'll get ripped to shreds for this, but just another perspective. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok, flip perspective as a 26yo living with parents who has anxiety (and other quite severe mental health problems). I don't go out much, my parents don't go out much.
When they do go out outside of their normal routine of church and prayer meetings I ask them where they are going and when they are back.
Not because I particularly care, but so I know not to get panicked at a certain time because I hear somebody in the house and so I know they are reachable if I have problems like the house burning down or an intruder.
Also, I like to know how long I have the house to myself so I can masturbate.
I ask the questions to calm my anxiety, rather than being nosy. I just wondered if you'd considered how your daughters anxiety might be the reason behind the questions. I go through periods where I feel too anxious to be in the house on my own, which could be why she wants to tag along but doesn't feel able to say that she's scared on her own.
I expect I'll get ripped to shreds for this, but just another perspective."
Not at all....that's why I said I would put my children before any meet.....especially if they needed more attention.....we would all like to live in a perfect world but it's not always possible....and I stand by when I said about my children and meets and 're evaluating my life.....good luck with everything x |
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"Ok, flip perspective as a 26yo living with parents who has anxiety (and other quite severe mental health problems). I don't go out much, my parents don't go out much.
When they do go out outside of their normal routine of church and prayer meetings I ask them where they are going and when they are back.
Not because I particularly care, but so I know not to get panicked at a certain time because I hear somebody in the house and so I know they are reachable if I have problems like the house burning down or an intruder.
Also, I like to know how long I have the house to myself so I can masturbate.
I ask the questions to calm my anxiety, rather than being nosy. I just wondered if you'd considered how your daughters anxiety might be the reason behind the questions. I go through periods where I feel too anxious to be in the house on my own, which could be why she wants to tag along but doesn't feel able to say that she's scared on her own.
I expect I'll get ripped to shreds for this, but just another perspective.
Not at all....that's why I said I would put my children before any meet.....especially if they needed more attention.....we would all like to live in a perfect world but it's not always possible....and I stand by when I said about my children and meets and 're evaluating my life.....good luck with everything x"
I agree with this. For a long long time it was me and the kids. They relied on me and knew I was there and I too still get anxious if anyone is late, the hubby or the kids. Not jealous, but thinking they have been in a car crash or something worse. My kids still like to know where I am and that I am available and I would always put them and hubby first over any meet ... it's not about treating your kids as adults or not, its about what is important in life. Strangely enough, we aren't swinging these days .... want to spend time with the family instead. |
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You can do both. There are 365 days in a year. If my kids could not be apart from me for some of those when they were teenagers then I'd be worried.
Saying you'd always put your kids first can come across as saying others don't.
But part of putting your kids first is about teaching independence and social skills to be able to make their own connections outside of direct family.
Of course everyone's kids come first and off course if need be we'd lie down in traffic for them. But I'd much rather not have to do that as I do enjoy life.
Going swinging a few times a year should not have such a huge time impact on teens and adults children that they need you to not have your own life.
My parents hardly ever went out but on the odd occasions they did I did not have any issues with it and it was nice to have grandma over.
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It can be difficult, my suggestion would be to take her out to something like a pub quiz regularly, if you can find one with a good mix of teenagers and adults. She might make some friends.
Then just sit her down and explain that you both need time when it's just the pair of you. That you need time to be a couple going out on dates, ie with each other not swinging. It could help her if you set an example that normal adult behaviour is socialising with your peers, going for a drink and a meal with other couples without offspring.
There's no need to introduce any hints of swinging or lie. Then there's a natural progression to going out for the day, evening or overnight with your friends. |
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We have a 18 year old and a 21 year old when we first started swinging we got questioned all the time they was not use to us going out much but its not so bad now they do still ask where we are going but we just say out for a drink they went through the can i come with you bit but soon back off when i say if i can come out with you and your mates when they ask what time will we be home we say when we get home but up untill about 6 months ago we was in a similar situation to the op i dont know if it was our paranoia or not but the kids seemed very suspicious they suddenly stopped going out so we decided it was best for us to take a break from fab as it was becoming like to much hard work sneaking about and telling lies its got a little easier now they actually go out of the house now and then . As for telling them the truth i know they would struggle to get there heads round it plus its our buisness it doesn't effect there lives so no need.
(Jo) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was round my parents house a few months ago 48/49 , they have a fancy 60" Samsung TV that syncs with there phones / cloud and collects all the photos, mum was making tea and TV was on snooze mode and suddenly starts to display their holiday snaps, very very naughty indeed, one with a cucumber up my dads bum
Mum comes in to find me rolling on the floor with laughter, and quickly changes the TV to a channel, we then giggle all afternoon.
Dad comes home and asks if I want a sandwich, I say yes please, can I have cucumber and cheese please
He calls us both loon bags as both me and mum roll about the floor laughing again.
19 is not a child / get her a puppy |
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By *urpurseCouple
over a year ago
North West |
My first post hi peeps.........really good topic and relevant to so many of us!!!
I love the idea of one poster of coming up with a hobby and singing up to a forum/ website of said topic (love astronomy idea!!!) and talking about said topic and that it should be an unusual one!!!
Also another poster suggested for your daughter Meetups.com could not recommend this website enough, it is very diverse in the topics covered from transcendental meditation to film club, maybe you could drop her off and pick her up to a first meeting?
Thanks peeps great suggestions in here and feeling very relevant for us, ramped up our activities of late and our 2 eldest (7 & 10) keep asking questions and we have not been prepared for questions on why dressing up so much and what is this bar thats arrived? (Spreading bar!!!! and whats this? (left vibrator at end of bed ready for a meet) ooopppss!!!
So thanks peeps glad not alone and love the elaborate stories because as much as would love to be open our society is just not that tolerant and our children are part of that society.............read the Sun's story on Danny Rampling DJ'ing at Dpraved this weekend as though he is lowering himself to those seedy swingers  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Line dancing... tell them that, no teenage kid would want to go there!
I used to go line dancing with my mum x
Voluntary or forced? "
Voluntary....she loved it and asked me to come with her one day....I went and although it wasn't really how I wanted to spend my thurs evening....it was nice seeing my mum enjoying herself and teaching me the dances....she only went for a few months tho x |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
A few years ago I found my mums black lace books and vib - so at the end of the day I know my mum has a sex life
She doesn't ask me about mine, and I don't ask about hers and it works
As a single guy, when I go to a club I am normally in Manchester so I am just staying over and going to a club, you could say your going to a friends house |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have the same problem but for us it's my mother in law that babysits that does the nosing, even if we say we're meeting friends she acts as if we shouldn't have any or go out |
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By *urpurseCouple
over a year ago
North West |
"We have the same problem but for us it's my mother in law that babysits that does the nosing, even if we say we're meeting friends she acts as if we shouldn't have any or go out "
Nosey babysitters ggrrrr not necessary!!!! Ask no questions as to why we have a sports bag full of stuff and I look like a call girl |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Such an interesting thread.. And my heart goes out to the lady who's daughter read her phone and now won't speak to her
My thoughts are that you need to address both the long and short term issues.
Long term wise; your daughter rally needs some friends and maybe some self confidence? The meet up idea someone mentioned is a great one. You can find groups by area and interests. As someone said; go with her for moral support initially and hopefully some friendships will blossom. Dance classes or sports clubs are another great way to make fiends and get her out of the house!
Short term, I was at a club recently and chatted to the lady half of a couple who described a situation similar to yours; busy house and no privacy so they used the clubs for time together and/or meets.
Good luck x |
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Get her to join meetup.com. There are many local groups on there where she may find some interest.
Geeks club, marvel for example.
I'm on there and use it when I travel to see what's on locally otherwise life travelling abroad and living in hotels can be rather dull. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Such an interesting thread.. And my heart goes out to the lady who's daughter read her phone and now won't speak to her
My thoughts are that you need to address both the long and short term issues.
Long term wise; your daughter rally needs some friends and maybe some self confidence? The meet up idea someone mentioned is a great one. You can find groups by area and interests. As someone said; go with her for moral support initially and hopefully some friendships will blossom. Dance classes or sports clubs are another great way to make fiends and get her out of the house!
Short term, I was at a club recently and chatted to the lady half of a couple who described a situation similar to yours; busy house and no privacy so they used the clubs for time together and/or meets.
Good luck x"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Start of by saying there is no way on this planet we are telling her so let's not go there.
We have a daughter who is extremely nosey /curious.
She is 19 doesn't have many friends and doesn't go out very often.
Subsequently, she is always questioning our every move, we feel bad lying to her but know that the truth would devastate her.she is very judgmental and old fashioned in her thinking.
We keep making up stories about who and where we are going.
Personally I think it's non of her bloody business.
Jools is a bit softer on her tho.
Are there other parents out there who suffer with this?
Surely we cannot be alone in this?
We have no plans no or ever intentionally letting any member of our family know what we do, be it naturism or swinging.
Constructive feedback please.
"
Joke that your going out for a dirty weekend. Usually shuts them up.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We are probably going to tell her about the naturism side of things.
Can't see the harm in that.
Probably elicit a Ewwww response.
Not the swinging side of things tho.
One of the issues is we have a very very small circle of vanilla friends.
Pretty much no family in the area and she knows we both hate our work colleagues.
Oh well lots of advice and suggestions given thank's.
Glad it's not just us tho.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are probably going to tell her about the naturism side of things.
Can't see the harm in that.
Probably elicit a Ewwww response.
Not the swinging side of things tho.
One of the issues is we have a very very small circle of vanilla friends.
Pretty much no family in the area and she knows we both hate our work colleagues.
Oh well lots of advice and suggestions given thank's.
Glad it's not just us tho.
"
Ask her to come to a naturist beach with you. We accidentally went to one with my two. We went for the next 4 years on and off. |
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We have two daughters both teenagers, one is so chilled and mellow the other highly strung, no friends, is Autistic and has anxiety. Well the wrong daughter discovered our profile on Fab as I'd left it on the laptop. Our profile was extremely graphic, Double penetrations, dogging, bukkake all topped of with a veri list that was longer than a 4 month shop at the supermarket. Our swinging life stopped right there and then. We are also escorts so we wern't rumbled on that but now we cannot leave the house together for anything. It's not only destroyed our swinging life but our social life has also taken a hit and the suspion and lack of trust. No easy answers. Miss our swinging days. |
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By *urpurseCouple
over a year ago
North West |
"We have two daughters both teenagers, one is so chilled and mellow the other highly strung, no friends, is Autistic and has anxiety. Well the wrong daughter discovered our profile on Fab as I'd left it on the laptop. Our profile was extremely graphic, Double penetrations, dogging, bukkake all topped of with a veri list that was longer than a 4 month shop at the supermarket. Our swinging life stopped right there and then. We are also escorts so we wern't rumbled on that but now we cannot leave the house together for anything. It's not only destroyed our swinging life but our social life has also taken a hit and the suspion and lack of trust. No easy answers. Miss our swinging days. "
Oh so sorry to hear that happened to you and sad that you miss the swinging days too. It could happen to any one of us and yes the different ways that our children would take it is largely why people (try) to keep it a secret. Anyone one of us could get caught like that
. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have two daughters both teenagers, one is so chilled and mellow the other highly strung, no friends, is Autistic and has anxiety. Well the wrong daughter discovered our profile on Fab as I'd left it on the laptop. Our profile was extremely graphic, Double penetrations, dogging, bukkake all topped of with a veri list that was longer than a 4 month shop at the supermarket. Our swinging life stopped right there and then. We are also escorts so we wern't rumbled on that but now we cannot leave the house together for anything. It's not only destroyed our swinging life but our social life has also taken a hit and the suspion and lack of trust. No easy answers. Miss our swinging days. "
So sad and even sadder for your daughter.
My son has aspergers and it's awful to see them with no friends.
Hope one day she will understand and you can get back to having fun. |
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"We have two daughters both teenagers, one is so chilled and mellow the other highly strung, no friends, is Autistic and has anxiety. Well the wrong daughter discovered our profile on Fab as I'd left it on the laptop. Our profile was extremely graphic, Double penetrations, dogging, bukkake all topped of with a veri list that was longer than a 4 month shop at the supermarket. Our swinging life stopped right there and then. We are also escorts so we wern't rumbled on that but now we cannot leave the house together for anything. It's not only destroyed our swinging life but our social life has also taken a hit and the suspion and lack of trust. No easy answers. Miss our swinging days. "
My empathy for what happened to you but your situation illustrates the point I was making further up the thread.
It's all very well folk saying their children know that they swing and are cool with it, however, the graphic knowledge of what actually goes on would more than likely illicit a different reaction.
Again, my empathy for your circumstances. |
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