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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My partner loves seeing me with men, during mfm yet says he needs to connect with a woman during mff, otherwise it's mechanical. I do not feel comfortable with him ' connecting ' in this way , perhaps because I compartmentalise during mfm, know I'm the centre of attention ?
Help me understand the dynamics ? Why do I not enjoy him being unobandoned, with another woman ? He says he loves seeing me unobandoned in this way, yet I dont get the same turn on when he's with a woman, not necessarily having penetrative sex.
He's telling me this is wrong, your thoughts ?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd guess he just doesn't get turned on by only the thought of another person during sex, he needs something a bit more than that to get him interested. A different kind of mental stimulation than you get from the idea of a 3sum. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's not about jealousy, as a swinger, why does a person. need to connect ?
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we have sex with strangers /swinging friends I connect with my hubby but then everyone is different and some cant tell the difference |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think, cos generally women are more jealous then men."
you've clearly not met many couples we've seen way way more jealous men than women and as single guys get way more clingy than women in our opinion |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My partner loves seeing me with men, during mfm yet says he needs to connect with a woman during mff, otherwise it's mechanical. I do not feel comfortable with him ' connecting ' in this way , perhaps because I compartmentalise during mfm, know I'm the centre of attention ?
Help me understand the dynamics ? Why do I not enjoy him being unobandoned, with another woman ? He says he loves seeing me unobandoned in this way, yet I dont get the same turn on when he's with a woman, not necessarily having penetrative sex.
He's telling me this is wrong, your thoughts ?
"
It's jealousy pure and simple. You are quite happy being the centre of attention but if he's having fun then you don't like it. Maybe reassess whether swinging is for you. When with a partner I love the buzz of seeing them fuck another woman. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My partner loves seeing me with men, during mfm yet says he needs to connect with a woman during mff, otherwise it's mechanical. I do not feel comfortable with him ' connecting ' in this way , perhaps because I compartmentalise during mfm, know I'm the centre of attention ?
Help me understand the dynamics ? Why do I not enjoy him being unobandoned, with another woman ? He says he loves seeing me unobandoned in this way, yet I dont get the same turn on when he's with a woman, not necessarily having penetrative sex.
He's telling me this is wrong, your thoughts ?
It's jealousy pure and simple. You are quite happy being the centre of attention but if he's having fun then you don't like it. Maybe reassess whether swinging is for you. When with a partner I love the buzz of seeing them fuck another woman. "
I don't think it's jealousy, it's because the man wants a woman who he "connects" to, whereas OP herself does not form connections to the men in mmf. It's a different dynamic. Maybe he doesn't actually want to do mff all that much XXX
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I get his need to "connect"
It's only a physical or mental attraction... The one where you think "phwoa, i would" and your prospective partner feels the same..
I am sure the Op feels the same way, I would be surprised if she would have sex with a guy she didn't fancy or particularly like?
Don't mistake it with love or that the connection makes her better than you, it is that all males need more than just physical arousal to actually be aroused....we're complicated
If you feel this way all the time then perhaps you need to re-evaluate your lifestyle choice.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To me the brain is a hugely important sexual organ, and the best sex is when my sex partner understands how to excite my mind as well as my body. A 'connection' is required though if sex is to go beyond the physical. I also prefer watching my husband play with women he has a 'connection' with, because he is getting a more enjoyable experience. We don't get jealous, because we only love each other. |
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By *ifuwMan
over a year ago
Hull |
I can understand the need or want for a connection. There are different ways to connect. You and your partner have the special bond between yourselfs. Friendship is a different type of connection and I have a wife and yes we swing together and separately. We both like a connection with the person we are going to have sex with to make it more enjoyable and relaxed. This is either a physical one and a mental one. We need a bit of both and I feel the mental one is more preferred than physical. Our Connection never goes past being friends. I have had a mff with the wife and playmate. We all have a connection. Which is just friends and the wife and the Playmate get on so well. because of this it was an amazing night. Three hours felt way to short. I've had sex in front of the wife with a person that I had no connection with and I hated it. Even thought I was fucking them I felt awkward and I didn't feel like i was having fun, five minutes felt like an hour. Because there are after a connection doesn't mean there trying to replace there old one. Do you get jealous of your partner having friends? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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As the partner in question I should clarify that i'm not saying it's wrong. It's my preference to be connected. There is no motivation to simply lick what might as well be a peanut if no person is attached to it. Even if it's the peanut of the most stereotypicaly beautiful bodied person in the world. It's just a peanut. I realise that I may differ from a lot of men who simply want to get the chance to put their cocks in different women. |
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By *ifuwMan
over a year ago
Hull |
"As the partner in question I should clarify that i'm not saying it's wrong. It's my preference to be connected. There is no motivation to simply lick what might as well be a peanut if no person is attached to it. Even if it's the peanut of the most stereotypicaly beautiful bodied person in the world. It's just a peanut. I realise that I may differ from a lot of men who simply want to get the chance to put their cocks in different women."
No I feel the same way. I don't go for quantity. I've only ever had my wife and a 5 minute with a woman at a club and my friend. I understand what you mean |
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By *GHertsCouple
over a year ago
North Herts |
Can totally relate to there needing to be a connection or "chemistry" with people you play with and have always felt that way even before we stepped into *this* world - without it there's no satisfaction and it can actually lead to feeling bad about yourself.
That connection doesn't have to be emotional just a genuine "fancying" of the other person, which I know is a difficult concept to get your head round, especially if you're part of a couple (as "normal" practice would suggest it's wrong to fancy someone other than your partner) but once you get your head round it, it makes sense. At least it does to me!! 
Mr G |
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I think I can understand the need to connect. I need to feel something for the person.
Sometimes girls misunderstand. It isn't about more than for the time we're together, but for that time I want to feel we're lovers. An illusion sometimes.
I don't think I could do a gang bang or pay someone for sex because I need to feel that's it's me that's wanted... even though I know often it's just someone they want.
I get off on her pleasure because it reflects on my ability to make her feel like that. So that's my need for connection. It's a bit of an ego thing. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think I can understand the need to connect. I need to feel something for the person.
Sometimes girls misunderstand. It isn't about more than for the time we're together, but for that time I want to feel we're lovers. An illusion sometimes.
I don't think I could do a gang bang or pay someone for sex because I need to feel that's it's me that's wanted... even though I know often it's just someone they want.
I get off on her pleasure because it reflects on my ability to make her feel like that. So that's my need for connection. It's a bit of an ego thing. "
What he said sums it up to a tee, I really couldn't add anymore to that. What my partner says of meeting men is that it makes her feel desired. Well men like a bit of that too. I will add a comment about arousal and risk the wrath of women. Men have to get hard and stay hard, not an issue for a teenager, but I find mental stimulation the best personally. |
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It's funny as it's always said 'men can fuck anything' 'womem need emotional connection' well surely if some women need an emotional connection a man does too! Not everyone is attracted to someone because of their physical atributes, I love bald guys but if we meet a couple and he has hair I am not going to just say no because he's not what I would usually go for, they may be sexy because they have beautiful eyes or a great sense of humour or are a sexy older guy or just so naughty it's a turn on to play. It's surely the same for a guy too, they need something to be attracted too to get hard, to stay hard and to cum. They need to feel attracted to the person otherwise really what is the point!
If you say you do not 'connect' at all with the male you are playing with I think you are giving yourself an injustice. Every meet Jon and I have had are with people we would have a coffee with outside of swinging or enjoy a conversation with etc and that's because there has been something about them that attracted us to play with them for whatever reason. Jon loves to watch me enjoy myself with another guy as I do watching him with another woman. It's sex at the end of the day, not love, not friendship just fun and frolics and when it's all over and we fall asleep in each others arms that's the bit that matters to me I am there for him he's there for me but we both like to watch each other fuck other people
Don't be controlled by your feelings or your insecurities he is with you because he loves you and loves to see you being naughty. You need to enjoy watching him too!
Jayne xx |
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