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The best laid plans....for getting laid
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So, we stumbled across the swinging scene last year after 25 years of blissfully unaware monogamy. We have been to a couple of clubs and I (minx) have had a couple of very fun girly play dates. So far so good.
Hubby then described in detail and on more than one occasion how a MMF might be fun. I was surprised as I would describe him as possessive when it comes to me and other blokes, but being the good girl I am I perused the many gorgeous guys on the site and shortlisted a couple of potentially willing candidates. Then I present hubby with my homework and he gets cold feet just I have warmed up to the idea.
Advice wanted please on where I go from here. As I see it I could:
- forget all about it (dull)
- nag him into it and see what happens (precarious)
- have a hot date with the two short-listed candidates and send hubby photos (deadly but fun to imagine on the train home)
In reality my instinct is to drop it. He would literally do anything for me so I could force the issue but that doesn't feel right.
Any thoughts from anyone who has been in a similar place on whether I have any other options? I was soooooo taken by my shortlist it seems such a shame to waste my homework........
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
Don't do anything without first talking to him about it. He might have suggested it but if you go ahead and do it behind his back or force the issue you could risk your marriage. Swinging should be a fun little aside to your sex life and not the main attraction. |
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I couldn't do anything without permission - I wouldn't enjoy it.
If he doesn't want an mfm with him in it I suspect one without him would be seriously less popular. We bought all our record collection together and I know I'd end up with Leo Sayer and really missing my Smiths EP, so anything risking divorce is seriously off the table. |
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Either drop it
Discuss further - no nagging
Or I would perhaps suggest a social meet with one of the guys and the pair of you. Let him see if he can be comfortable around the other guy... Without any pressure. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In our experience, communication, trust and respect for each other limits and boundaries is the key to success as a couple in the scene whilst maintaining a healthy relationship. Sometimes the reality is entirely different and a lot more scary than the fantasy. Your partner is obviously thinking and considering it, but an episode, or two, or even more of cold feet should be expected and respected.
Neither partner should push another into doing something they are not comfortable or "taking one for the team", it will create I'll feeling, mistrust and will cause damage.
Keep enjoying what you are doing and let him take his time coming around to it and actually doing it if he ever should.
Much depends on if you consider your own enjoyment a higher priority than your enjoyment as a couple?
Only you can decide on that |
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"So, we stumbled across the swinging scene last year after 25 years of blissfully unaware monogamy. We have been to a couple of clubs and I (minx) have had a couple of very fun girly play dates. So far so good.
Hubby then described in detail and on more than one occasion how a MMF might be fun. I was surprised as I would describe him as possessive when it comes to me and other blokes, but being the good girl I am I perused the many gorgeous guys on the site and shortlisted a couple of potentially willing candidates. Then I present hubby with my homework and he gets cold feet just I have warmed up to the idea.
Advice wanted please on where I go from here. As I see it I could:
- forget all about it (dull)
- nag him into it and see what happens (precarious)
- have a hot date with the two short-listed candidates and send hubby photos (deadly but fun to imagine on the train home)
In reality my instinct is to drop it. He would literally do anything for me so I could force the issue but that doesn't feel right.
Any thoughts from anyone who has been in a similar place on whether I have any other options? I was soooooo taken by my shortlist it seems such a shame to waste my homework........
"
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As a couple it takes 2 yes's for anything to go ahead and only one no to halt it.
He had a fantasy but once it was getting too real he's backed off.
Best to leave it totally in his court.If he raises it again then discuss it and let him arrange it or do it both together . Maybe he felt you were "over keen " organising potential candidates ,so by doing it together makes him feel included . But if he doesn't bring the subject up then leave it well alone and enjoy what are both enjoying together x |
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"So, we stumbled across the swinging scene last year after 25 years of blissfully unaware monogamy. We have been to a couple of clubs and I (minx) have had a couple of very fun girly play dates. So far so good.
Hubby then described in detail and on more than one occasion how a MMF might be fun. I was surprised as I would describe him as possessive when it comes to me and other blokes, but being the good girl I am I perused the many gorgeous guys on the site and shortlisted a couple of potentially willing candidates. Then I present hubby with my homework and he gets cold feet just I have warmed up to the idea.
Advice wanted please on where I go from here. As I see it I could:
- forget all about it (dull)
- nag him into it and see what happens (precarious)
- have a hot date with the two short-listed candidates and send hubby photos (deadly but fun to imagine on the train home)
In reality my instinct is to drop it. He would literally do anything for me so I could force the issue but that doesn't feel right.
Any thoughts from anyone who has been in a similar place on whether I have any other options? I was soooooo taken by my shortlist it seems such a shame to waste my homework........
"
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"So, we stumbled across the swinging scene last year after 25 years of blissfully unaware monogamy. We have been to a couple of clubs and I (minx) have had a couple of very fun girly play dates. So far so good.
Hubby then described in detail and on more than one occasion how a MMF might be fun. I was surprised as I would describe him as possessive when it comes to me and other blokes, but being the good girl I am I perused the many gorgeous guys on the site and shortlisted a couple of potentially willing candidates. Then I present hubby with my homework and he gets cold feet just I have warmed up to the idea.
Advice wanted please on where I go from here. As I see it I could:
- forget all about it (dull)
- nag him into it and see what happens (precarious)
- have a hot date with the two short-listed candidates and send hubby photos (deadly but fun to imagine on the train home)
In reality my instinct is to drop it. He would literally do anything for me so I could force the issue but that doesn't feel right.
Any thoughts from anyone who has been in a similar place on whether I have any other options? I was soooooo taken by my shortlist it seems such a shame to waste my homework........
"
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By *GHertsCouple
over a year ago
North Herts |
"In our experience, communication, trust and respect for each other limits and boundaries is the key to success as a couple in the scene whilst maintaining a healthy relationship. Sometimes the reality is entirely different and a lot more scary than the fantasy. Your partner is obviously thinking and considering it, but an episode, or two, or even more of cold feet should be expected and respected.
Neither partner should push another into doing something they are not comfortable or "taking one for the team", it will create I'll feeling, mistrust and will cause damage.
Keep enjoying what you are doing and let him take his time coming around to it and actually doing it if he ever should.
Much depends on if you consider your own enjoyment a higher priority than your enjoyment as a couple?
Only you can decide on that "
Don't think you'll get a much better answer than this one to be honest - only thing I'd add is if he does come round to the idea, include him in the planning, including selecting potential playmates. A feeling of lack of inclusion is a dangerous one to have.
Mr G |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So, we stumbled across the swinging scene last year after 25 years of blissfully unaware monogamy. We have been to a couple of clubs and I (minx) have had a couple of very fun girly play dates. So far so good.
Hubby then described in detail and on more than one occasion how a MMF might be fun. I was surprised as I would describe him as possessive when it comes to me and other blokes, but being the good girl I am I perused the many gorgeous guys on the site and shortlisted a couple of potentially willing candidates. Then I present hubby with my homework and he gets cold feet just I have warmed up to the idea.
Advice wanted please on where I go from here. As I see it I could:
- forget all about it (dull)
- nag him into it and see what happens (precarious)
- have a hot date with the two short-listed candidates and send hubby photos (deadly but fun to imagine on the train home)
In reality my instinct is to drop it. He would literally do anything for me so I could force the issue but that doesn't feel right.
Any thoughts from anyone who has been in a similar place on whether I have any other options? I was soooooo taken by my shortlist it seems such a shame to waste my homework........
"
Suggest meeting another couple...?...that way the focus shifts and you can both have fun  |
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"I couldn't do anything without permission - I wouldn't enjoy it.
If he doesn't want an mfm with him in it I suspect one without him would be seriously less popular. We bought all our record collection together and I know I'd end up with Leo Sayer and really missing my Smiths EP, so anything risking divorce is seriously off the table."
Ha ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What about going to a club with the intention of not playing but seeing how he finds the atmosphere?
And personally I always think 4 is a better dynamic than 3. What about meeting a couple rather than a single guy? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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definitely don't go on a date without his knowledge - once you betray his trust it will be very hard to earn it back (and might even be impossible).
try going to a club, watch others play, chat to each other about what/who turns you on, see what he feels like when he is in the atmosphere of the club - if the two of you feel like playing then agree to do same room, soft swap then go home and discuss how you both feel. m x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It maybe, you have short listed men and told him how good-looking they are and in return dented his confidence. I'm sure he'd like to do it, but it may be an idea you let him choose the man, so you get the experience and he feels like he is the sexy one.
Let's be honest non of us really like the thought our loved ones fancy others more than ourselves. We like to be our loved ones turn on. Hope that helps |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I recommend discussing with him but not forcing the issue, find out why he has gotten cold feet, explain your excitement about it, ask him if he would give it a try and if he says no then don't force it, but do get him to explain why.
Some things are just fantasies for people and when the possibility of reality hits they get nervous or don't want to ruin the fantasy if it goes wrong!
Definitely wouldn't recommend doing something without his ok on it! Best way to wreck a relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So, we stumbled across the swinging scene last year after 25 years of blissfully unaware monogamy. We have been to a couple of clubs and I (minx) have had a couple of very fun girly play dates. So far so good.
Hubby then described in detail and on more than one occasion how a MMF might be fun. I was surprised as I would describe him as possessive when it comes to me and other blokes, but being the good girl I am I perused the many gorgeous guys on the site and shortlisted a couple of potentially willing candidates. Then I present hubby with my homework and he gets cold feet just I have warmed up to the idea.
Advice wanted please on where I go from here. As I see it I could:
- forget all about it (dull)
- nag him into it and see what happens (precarious)
- have a hot date with the two short-listed candidates and send hubby photos (deadly but fun to imagine on the train home)
In reality my instinct is to drop it. He would literally do anything for me so I could force the issue but that doesn't feel right.
Any thoughts from anyone who has been in a similar place on whether I have any other options? I was soooooo taken by my shortlist it seems such a shame to waste my homework........
"
Have a date with the huy together. Tell your husband this is a no pressure meet. It is about trying something new, make it impossible for any 'fun' to happen on that social. This would put his mind at rest. You could also let your hubby go for a drink with the guy without you there. It is so important the men click on a mmf. If your husband actually likes the guy as a friend, it would be more likely he would share his prize (you).
Disclaimer - Those guys drop out I would reluctantly step in.   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My advice for what it's worth is to not push the boundary of trust and love that you have with your partner...
What starts as a fantasy could easily become a nightmare of bruised egos and wounded pride...
Your mutual trust could be undone in seconds. The fact that you are swinging as a couple, have had a ffm and are even discussing a mfm shows how much trust you could lose..
Drop the suggestion of a potential social drink with one of your hotlist and then let him decide if it goes ahead...
If not, forget it until he raises the subject again.
TBG |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wonder if, as someone previously said its down to the guys you have chosen? Seriously hot guys may make him feel insecure. You obviously think he is seriously hot, but just the way you worded the post might give pause for thought. I'm not saying you should choose someone less hot, but perhaps play down how hot you think they are? |
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