FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > cheating when swinging

cheating when swinging

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Do all male swingers cheat or did I just pick a 'special' one? If anyone has any explanation or insight as to why my other half would still want to cheat when we have a very successful swinging lifestyle it would be greatly appreciated as I can't figure it out and he is unable to come up with an explanation

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Myself I don't understand how anyone can cheat on someone you love.

But thats just me (Tony)

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

other than the thrill of the chase... couldn't help ya, but i honestly don't think this is the best place to be having this conversation...

but i hope you (both) work it out....

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

People gonna get caught up in it time to time. Hope you both get through it ok xx

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *eerobCouple over a year ago

solihull

If you need to cheat it is the person cheating that has a problem.... They are trying to prove to themselves that they are desirable etc.. Rather sad figures but horrible because of the damage and hurt they cause.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

The thing is i don't doubt that he loves me, that's why it's so hard to just end the relationship. Just don't understand why he feels the need to go behind my back, if I can find the reason then we can fix it, if not then I'm always going to be waiting for the next time

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"other than the thrill of the chase... couldn't help ya, but i honestly don't think this is the best place to be having this conversation...

but i hope you (both) work it out...."

I have to agree with this. The reasons why people will still cheat on someone they love can be both varied and complicated. You actually would be as well not trying to get answers from here, but maybe seek professional help.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ok, was it just a one night fling or was it a full blown affair?

Was it with someone he knew in the real world or a stranger off Fab?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So much for swinging couples giving cheaters so much grief on here

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Once the trust as gone its time to say goodbye

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The thing is i don't doubt that he loves me, that's why it's so hard to just end the relationship. Just don't understand why he feels the need to go behind my back, if I can find the reason then we can fix it, if not then I'm always going to be waiting for the next time"
the thrill of doing something your not supposed to be doing maybe he gets knocked back abit maybe jealousy of the amount of attention you get I hope you guys work it out

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The validation that cheating provides is more important to him than you, your feelings, and your relationship.

If you don't value yourself enough to refuse to accept such treatment despite it making you unhappy, you will find it impossible to finish the relationship.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"other than the thrill of the chase... couldn't help ya, but i honestly don't think this is the best place to be having this conversation...

but i hope you (both) work it out....

I know he wouldn't even consider professional help so don't really know who else to seek advice from so here I am!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

no swinging without trust.....

no relationship without trust.....

sometimes it takes the shock of people leaving to make them realise just exactly how good they had it....

some people think they are bulletproof.. and that it will never happen to them, and that they are different....

they are not... and they are not... and they are not

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *c-ukMan over a year ago

Sevenoaks

As a cuck I would never cheat... My partner however would not even have to ask!! She can see any guy she wants without the need to even mention it.. More fun if she does mention it though

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"other than the thrill of the chase... couldn't help ya, but i honestly don't think this is the best place to be having this conversation...

but i hope you (both) work it out....

I know he wouldn't even consider professional help so don't really know who else to seek advice from so here I am!"

If he is an habitual cheater, then the fact that you are still with him gives the clear message that you are going to accept his behaviour - why would he need to change?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Ok, was it just a one night fling or was it a full blown affair?

Was it with someone he knew in the real world or a stranger off Fab?"

It was (so I'm told) a one time thing and with someone we know

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"The thing is i don't doubt that he loves me, that's why it's so hard to just end the relationship. Just don't understand why he feels the need to go behind my back, if I can find the reason then we can fix it, if not then I'm always going to be waiting for the next time the thrill of doing something your not supposed to be doing maybe he gets knocked back abit maybe jealousy of the amount of attention you get I hope you guys work it out

thanx

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

personally I think it's a male thing we just can't help it, like looking at boobs lol we are programmed to look at boobs from the minute we are born.

Sad fact of life, not all guys are like this but I bet the vast majority are.

Just my opinion tho

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"other than the thrill of the chase... couldn't help ya, but i honestly don't think this is the best place to be having this conversation...

but i hope you (both) work it out....

I know he wouldn't even consider professional help so don't really know who else to seek advice from so here I am!

If he is an habitual cheater, then the fact that you are still with him gives the clear message that you are going to accept his behaviour - why would he need to change?"

it's not that simple tho...I lose either way, I love him so don't want to leave him but also don't want to be the pathetic idiot that puts up with that gets hurt

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

sorry didn't mean to come across as flippant here, I do realize this is a serious post.

Hope I haven't offended anyone

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ok, was it just a one night fling or was it a full blown affair?

Was it with someone he knew in the real world or a stranger off Fab?

It was (so I'm told) a one time thing and with someone we know

Did he admit it to you or did you find out by accident?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Men are all same

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Men are all same "

No we're not

My ex cheated on me, that doesn't make all women cheats.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Ok, was it just a one night fling or was it a full blown affair?

Was it with someone he knew in the real world or a stranger off Fab?

It was (so I'm told) a one time thing and with someone we know

Did he admit it to you or did you find out by accident?"

I found out then he admitted it

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not all men are the same. Vicky and me will only play together. I don't want to sound disrespectful but for me it is all about respecting my partners wishes.

Swinging is about the thrill but it is all about total honesty and being loyal to each other whilst having fun.

Op. What would happen if you cheated on him.

I totally understand what it feels like to be cheated on as this happened with a previous partner and it is something that you can forgive but you can never forget.

Hope you are ok.

Him.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I got the impression you were talking about serial behaviour, OP, not a one-off. However, if your partner expects you to remain in the relationship, you are fully entitled to demand that you both explore fully the reasons for what has happened. Trust and open communication are the key to resolving relationship issues.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Do all male swingers cheat or did I just pick a 'special' one? If anyone has any explanation or insight as to why my other half would still want to cheat when we have a very successful swinging lifestyle it would be greatly appreciated as I can't figure it out and he is unable to come up with an explanation

"
both my ex husbands cheated on me . I neva refused sex with them but they both decided to have sex with woman and men (not good)

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ackDMissMorganCouple over a year ago

Halifax

"Men are all same "

Not all men are the same.Miss

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Not all men are the same. Vicky and me will only play together. I don't want to sound disrespectful but for me it is all about respecting my partners wishes.

Swinging is about the thrill but it is all about total honesty and being loyal to each other whilst having fun.

Op. What would happen if you cheated on him.

I totally understand what it feels like to be cheated on as this happened with a previous partner and it is something that you can forgive but you can never forget.

Hope you are ok.

Him. "

I doubt we would be trying to sort things out if it were the other way round, don't think he would tolerate it. I on the other hand want to isolate the problem (if there is one other than boys will be boys kinda thing) and fix it so we don't have to go through this again

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So much for swinging couples giving cheaters so much grief on here

Why say that? On the basis of one thread on the subject ?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I got the impression you were talking about serial behaviour, OP, not a one-off. However, if your partner expects you to remain in the relationship, you are fully entitled to demand that you both explore fully the reasons for what has happened. Trust and open communication are the key to resolving relationship issues. "

we have sat and openly talked about what happened and he is adamant that he doesn't know why it happened so I can't get the closure that I need to fully let it go

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Maibe you should have an open friendship instead.

Swinging encourages cheating.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Maibe you should have an open friendship instead.

Swinging encourages cheating."

thats rubbish... sorry but swinging doesnt encourage anything of the sort

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

we have sat and openly talked about what happened and he is adamant that he doesn't know why it happened so I can't get the closure that I need to fully let it go"

Then that's what you've got, someone who is unwilling or unable to explore his own psyche. You have no control over his actions, only your own. He is who he is.

You might find it helpful to attend counselling by yourself to further explore your own feelings and the direction you wish to take. Seeing you doing so might also influence your partner to engage.

Ultimately, we get the kind of treatment we are willing to put up with. Best of luck to you.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ensual temptressWoman over a year ago

Southampton

Some don't need any reason just the opportunity.

Maybe best for you both to take time away from here and really dicuss this .no one here can give you the answers you want only he can. Hope you can move forward in what ever is the best way for you.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

we have sat and openly talked about what happened and he is adamant that he doesn't know why it happened so I can't get the closure that I need to fully let it go"

I might be being a bit blunt here, but he saw an opportunity, thought he could get away with it without you knowing or at the least if caught talk his way out of it.

For some guys I think swinging may blur the boundaries as the amount of men that ask to meet the good lady without me or their partner knowing is significant.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've been in your situation and I felt the same as you...In my case I stayed and rued the day. He hid it better for a while. Ultimately, cheating is either acceptable to a person or it isn't...I'm obviously speaking in broad terms but my experience leads me to believe if a person has cheated, they will do so again. I hope whatever you do, you're ok. Xxx

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why would he go behind your back if the two of you are in to this lifestyle ?? I have been looking for a partner who is allso in to it and had no luck

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Why would he go behind your back if the two of you are in to this lifestyle ?? I have been looking for a partner who is allso in to it and had no luck "

That's what iv been trying to find out!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"
I'm not sure special covers him, greedy seems more appropriate.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thanx everyone for the input, advice and support. Muchly appreciated x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

To the OP: Very difficult to accept if he cannot explain why. I feel as if he did it with someone you weren't expecting him to. No answers can be at times worse than harsh truths.

Have recently been faced with the situation of being asked by the male of a couple if I would meet him without his partner knowing until AFTER we met. I bluntly refused. I think you can guess the rest if I tell you I am now happily blocked (he beat me to it) but have kept the full kik conversation for evidence if needed.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *kyndaveCouple over a year ago

South Leicestershire

It's sad to say, but if he says he doesnt know why, he just doesn't want to/can't tell you.

He only sees a negative outcome from telling you.

Good luck.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

He is able to come up with an explanation he's afraid of your reaction to it. He needs to face up to his responsibility to you and stop you feeling it's you who needs to find the reason. Tough love time from you.

I wish you both the best.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP, I'm really sorry that you are in this position.

If I have the facts right, you and your partner swing together. Your partner cheated on you with someone you know (not someone he just found on fab). You then found out and he admitted it but is adamant that he doesn't know why he did it.

I would say he either knows why he did it and won't say, which is a problem, or he really doesn't know why, in which case there is no way for you to know whether it will happen again.

I don't know him, so I am trying to avoid assumptions, but if you are swinging together and he still cheats on you then I would imagine either he likes the thrill of cheating or he thought there was a reason you wouldn't be ok if he told you he wanted to have sex with this other person. Are you ok with either of those scenarios?

I hope you work through this in a way that makes you happy. I think I would have been out of there by now.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Why would he go behind your back if the two of you are in to this lifestyle ?? I have been looking for a partner who is allso in to it and had no luck

That's what iv been trying to find out! "

Simply because he can. I get messages from one half of the couple looking to hook up without the other knowing.

I really think you need to put this part of your lifestyle on hold whilst you work out what you both want, by cheating he is also letting you know the relationship / certain aspects are not working for him.

Don't feel pressurised into thinking you're some kind of mug if you stay, an affair doesn't always signify the end of an relationship but it does signify that changes are needed.

Good luck x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *eve500Man over a year ago

Leeds

If you and e willing to put up with the odd misdemeanor then do so, and carry on as if nothing has happened. Maybe it was the thrill of maybe getting caught? There are worse fetishes, and really at the end of the day, no harm was done to anybody. If you love him, and he loves you it really doesn't matter. Humans are biologically and mentally built to shag around, marriage and monogomy only became to norm relatively recently.….that's why fan is such a great place..people being true to themselves. Jealousy is a purely negative emotion......

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

I hope you work through this in a way that makes you happy. I think I would have been out of there by now. "

me too.....

the fact he only admitted it after you confronted him doesn't really lead me to believe he would have told you otherwise (if that was the case he would have already told you)

me personally... i couldn't be with someone, swinging or otherwise, if there was no trust there.....

saying he doesn't know the reason is too easy an excuse....

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ptimum trajectoryCouple over a year ago

gloucester

To say he doesn't know the reason is simply not true. He is the only person at this point in time who knows the exact reason. He is still lying to you.

What matters is the truth.

He needs to say it. (Everything)

You need to hear it. (No matter how painful). Then you can have the closure you deserve.x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ok, was it just a one night fling or was it a full blown affair?

Was it with someone he knew in the real world or a stranger off Fab?

It was (so I'm told) a one time thing and with someone we know

Just a thought but was it in a context outside of what you 'permit' when swinging? Was it a one on one and you both don't engage in those? Maybe he felt constrained?

I'm not making excuses as I think that in a swinging relationship these sorts of things should be talked about but I'm just trying to offer thoughts

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *osweet69Couple over a year ago

portsmouth

I can understand cheating to a point in the vanilla world in a relationship that has everything going for it but the sex.

But when you are swinging and the sex is not the issue then it must then point to a short fall in the other side of the relationship?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *iss-PinkWoman over a year ago

Gloucester

"other than the thrill of the chase... couldn't help ya, but i honestly don't think this is the best place to be having this conversation...

but i hope you (both) work it out....

I know he wouldn't even consider professional help so don't really know who else to seek advice from so here I am!"

You can have counselling by yourself - either with Relate or another counsellor. It can help you to come to terms with what has happened/ how you deal with it/ how to deal with not knowing/ understanding why it happened and what you do going forward.

It can be very beneficial to you - and therefore to your relationship, however it ends up

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I dont see the link between swinging and cheating. Sleeping with someone is cheating without permission.

The only thing is if he has a reason to think he had permission or you are in an open relationship, but i would think that would be very clear as there isnt really any middle ground.

For us sex with others is no fun without each other so it never comes up, and we are both very open with each other when it comes to perving etc.

Sorry this has happened to you, but i will repeat that i do not see how cheating and swinging are linked.

Good luck to you i hope you get your perfect outcome.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ilmissplumpyWoman over a year ago

Wolverhampton

I made a similar post in April.

My swinging partner cheated one time, i found out and almost left him. I thought it through, he has cheated in every relationship before ours. Its not about the sex, its about the chase, about still being desirable to a woman i guess. The thrill is the biggest turn on....

I personally would say if its the only time & you are sure of his love then give him another chance, but dont be complacent and make sure he knows you get 1 mistake, no more.

Ju x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I can understand cheating to a point in the vanilla world in a relationship that has everything going for it but the sex.

But when you are swinging and the sex is not the issue then it must then point to a short fall in the other side of the relationship? "

Not necessarily, some people simply get a kick out of deceiving others.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Couples get through times like this. It doesn't have to be the end.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I find it MUCH worse for one half of a swinging couple to cheat than a non-swinging couple. The whole point of swinging is trust, surely. The relationship is over.

Good luck. x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

my husband left me for a single women we used to meet together

i think for some whatever they have is never enough x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some people (not gender specific) are prone to risk-taking behaviour, they enjoy it, get a kick out of it. Some with mental health problems can't seem to help it. My ex goes racing and smashes up cars to get his 'buzz'. Before he did that he used risky sex. Unsafe sex, sex in a public place anything that had an element of risk to it would give him a buzz. Don't know if your partner is like this. Just thinking that when you started swinging that could have given a thrill as it is risky, who will you meet, will people find out etc. But as time passes that would wear off. Cheating could be seen as a very risky behaviour and so may give a person that extra buzz, without them necessarily understanding that was what they were looking for. Just a thought xx

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The biggest problem when swinging as a couple is trying to get 4 people to be compatible for sex.

Women are very fussy

So one person usually has to take one for the team.

So sometimes you end up being a night with no sex for the night.

So he might be meeting couples and single females you wouldn't play with.

I'm not condoning his actions, but he might stop cheating if you lower your standards and take one for the team more often.

Talk to him and I wish you the best of luck.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *osweet69Couple over a year ago

portsmouth

"I can understand cheating to a point in the vanilla world in a relationship that has everything going for it but the sex.

But when you are swinging and the sex is not the issue then it must then point to a short fall in the other side of the relationship?

Not necessarily, some people simply get a kick out of deceiving others."

Not if they truly love them.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I can understand cheating to a point in the vanilla world in a relationship that has everything going for it but the sex.

But when you are swinging and the sex is not the issue then it must then point to a short fall in the other side of the relationship?

Not necessarily, some people simply get a kick out of deceiving others.

Not if they truly love them. "

Where did I mention love? The sad truth is that the word is bandied about in far too many relationships where actions tell a far different story.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *osweet69Couple over a year ago

portsmouth

i'm not condoning his actions, but he might stop cheating if you lower your standards and take one for the team more often.

Really, you would ask someone you deeply love to do that, wow

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The biggest problem when swinging as a couple is trying to get 4 people to be compatible for sex.

Women are very fussy

So one person usually has to take one for the team.

So sometimes you end up being a night with no sex for the night.

So he might be meeting couples and single females you wouldn't play with.

I'm not condoning his actions, but he might stop cheating if you lower your standards and take one for the team more often.

Talk to him and I wish you the best of luck."

Oh I really really hope that 'advice' was tongue-in-cheek

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

I'm not condoning his actions, but he might stop cheating if you lower your standards and take one for the team more often.

really?????......oh lordy!!!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The biggest problem when swinging as a couple is trying to get 4 people to be compatible for sex.

Women are very fussy

So one person usually has to take one for the team.

So sometimes you end up being a night with no sex for the night.

So he might be meeting couples and single females you wouldn't play with.

I'm not condoning his actions, but he might stop cheating if you lower your standards and take one for the team more often.

Talk to him and I wish you the best of luck."

stop it

shes just had her life ripped apart ffs, theres a time and a place young man

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"i'm not condoning his actions, but he might stop cheating if you lower your standards and take one for the team more often.

Really, you would ask someone you deeply love to do that, wow "

Pmsl

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

He doesn't sound like he's relationship material really.

He isn't considering another person when it comes to making choices and that is the action of a loner type person who should be on their own.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *osweet69Couple over a year ago

portsmouth

"I can understand cheating to a point in the vanilla world in a relationship that has everything going for it but the sex.

But when you are swinging and the sex is not the issue then it must then point to a short fall in the other side of the relationship?

Not necessarily, some people simply get a kick out of deceiving others.

Not if they truly love them.

Where did I mention love? The sad truth is that the word is bandied about in far too many relationships where actions tell a far different story."
If you wish to put love to the side for the moment.Why would you want to stay with someone who did not respect you? If you do not respect yourself then other people will not. You have to have a sense of self worth.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm not condoning his actions, but he might stop cheating if you lower your standards and take one for the team more often.

maybe if you had adopted that approach and fucked Alice the Goon you wouldnt have wasted a bottle of champagne would you

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

my husband left me for a single women we used to meet together

i think for some whatever they have is never enough x"

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I can understand cheating to a point in the vanilla world in a relationship that has everything going for it but the sex.

But when you are swinging and the sex is not the issue then it must then point to a short fall in the other side of the relationship?

Not necessarily, some people simply get a kick out of deceiving others.

Not if they truly love them.

Where did I mention love? The sad truth is that the word is bandied about in far too many relationships where actions tell a far different story. If you wish to put love to the side for the moment.Why would you want to stay with someone who did not respect you? If you do not respect yourself then other people will not. You have to have a sense of self worth. "

I would have said love and respect were a package in a relationship. But I am agreeing with you, see my earlier point about getting the kind of treatment one is willing to tolerate....

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think also

And this does not apply to the OP as i dont know her so have no idea about her relationship

But a hell of a lot of couples whos marriage is failing seem to turn to swinging, they think it will spice things up and save their relationship

To be honest i think this is what happened to us, our marriage was going down the pan and we though this would bring us together, instead it drove us further apart

And i know from speaking to others we wasnt the only couple who felt like this

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *osweet69Couple over a year ago

portsmouth

I would have said love and respect were a package in a relationship. But I am agreeing with you, see my earlier point about getting the kind of treatment one is willing to tolerate....

Its seem we are singing from the same hymn sheet then.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I can understand cheating to a point in the vanilla world in a relationship that has everything going for it but the sex.

But when you are swinging and the sex is not the issue then it must then point to a short fall in the other side of the relationship?

Not necessarily, some people simply get a kick out of deceiving others.

Not if they truly love them.

You can still have self worth whilst trying to work out the issues within your relationship, it's all too easy to give up & walk away.

After all, we are hearing only one side of the story....(no disrespect to the OP intended)

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Some people (not gender specific) are prone to risk-taking behaviour, they enjoy it, get a kick out of it. Some with mental health problems can't seem to help it. My ex goes racing and smashes up cars to get his 'buzz'. Before he did that he used risky sex. Unsafe sex, sex in a public place anything that had an element of risk to it would give him a buzz. Don't know if your partner is like this. Just thinking that when you started swinging that could have given a thrill as it is risky, who will you meet, will people find out etc. But as time passes that would wear off. Cheating could be seen as a very risky behaviour and so may give a person that extra buzz, without them necessarily understanding that was what they were looking for. Just a thought xx"

Excellent post , Your ex sounds like a fun guy...

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm not condoning his actions, but he might stop cheating if you lower your standards and take one for the team more often.

maybe if you had adopted that approach and fucked Alice the Goon you wouldnt have wasted a bottle of champagne would you

"
There is not enough alcohol in the world to sleep with Alice the Goon... BTW she texted me to apologize for deceiving me when I was in Ireland ....

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *uzy444Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

maybe consider the term polyamourous and what it means to you...i fond its more unconditional.

for example a fb relationship or a fwb relationship doesnt have these conditions..so its really about identifying hard limits and expectations

alternative route for exploration, may or may not be helpful x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *osweet69Couple over a year ago

portsmouth

You can still have self worth whilst trying to work out the issues within your relationship, it's all too easy to give up & walk away.

Without mutual respect you do not have a relationship.If you carry on in a relationship were a person does not show you respect how can you have a sense of self-worth?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Turn it around for a minute. U love him... would u cheat on him? If u truly love someone it wouldn't even cross your mind.

And my experience on here... all male half's of couples I have played with on here have then wanted to meet me alone. Haven't had one yet who hasn't. One reason why on this profile I don't meet couples.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *rSlim92Man over a year ago

Swansea

If it is an isolated incident, maybe he was just caught in the moment. Enjoying the attention, or maybe seeing someone enjoy his attention. Next thing you know he is in to deep. We as humans have an animalistic nature. Sometimes it can get the better of some of us. Hope you both manage to sort things out.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *osweet69Couple over a year ago

portsmouth

"If it is an isolated incident, maybe he was just caught in the moment. Enjoying the attention, or maybe seeing someone enjoy his attention. Next thing you know he is in to deep. We as humans have an animalistic nature. Sometimes it can get the better of some of us. Hope you both manage to sort things out. "

These things can happen in a vanilla relationship as you are doing something sexually that is forbidden and not normally open to you. But in a swinging relationship they happen naturally by mutual consent. You have no need to go behind each others back you just have to ask one other if you can do this or that.Where does the need to cheat come in?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You can still have self worth whilst trying to work out the issues within your relationship, it's all too easy to give up & walk away.

Without mutual respect you do not have a relationship.If you carry on in a relationship were a person does not show you respect how can you have a sense of self-worth? "

You have to put it in context, I'm suggesting she stays there and becomes a doormat.

Respect is a two way street & someone who knows their own self worth will be able to see that.

Like i said we only have one side of the story which is a tad awkward when posting from a couples profile.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You can still have self worth whilst trying to work out the issues within your relationship, it's all too easy to give up & walk away.

Without mutual respect you do not have a relationship.If you carry on in a relationship were a person does not show you respect how can you have a sense of self-worth?

You have to put it in context, I'm suggesting she stays there and becomes a doormat.

Respect is a two way street & someone who knows their own self worth will be able to see that.

Like i said we only have one side of the story which is a tad awkward when posting from a couples profile. "

*NOT suggesting.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Turn it around for a minute. U love him... would u cheat on him? If u truly love someone it wouldn't even cross your mind.

i have to be honest i get that a lot too

i get loads of male halfs of couples looking to meet me without their partners knowing

im sure they all think he loves them too

i honestly know how it feels but believe me its best to move on

people only treat you how you allow them to

if a guy cheast in you and you sit and talk and take him back, isnt that just sending out the message that if he does it again he'll just need to sweet talk you again?

how many chances do you give somebody?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Would you have been ok if he had asked if he could have sex with her?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm not condoning his actions, but he might stop cheating if you lower your standards and take one for the team more often.

maybe if you had adopted that approach and fucked Alice the Goon you wouldnt have wasted a bottle of champagne would you

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't know his side but ask yourself, would he be ok if this was the other way round? If not why not?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ischief ManagedCouple over a year ago

manchester

"Maibe you should have an open friendship instead.

Swinging encourages cheating.

thats rubbish... sorry but swinging doesnt encourage anything of the sort"

I agree swinging does not encourage cheating imo,(yes I have been seriously fucked about in the past with relationships) and it does show at times whilst swinging but we as a couple, we tell each other everything, who we fancy what we would like to do to them, that we want them to join us ect. Cheating is where you are purposely deceitful, hiding meets, messages, phone calls.

If it were me I'm not sure as I also love my partner very much. It's an individual choice as to how you work it though.

Best of luck I hope you can resolve to the point you feel comfortable with.

Mrs xx

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Is just oral sex or groping cheating?

I heard once it's not cheating if you are just eating....

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The only explanation we can come up with is sheer bloody idiocy. Sorry we can't help. All we can do is sympathise

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ilmissplumpyWoman over a year ago