So, you have appeared at our little slice of hell with the sole purpose to throw your wang around. I would welcome you and say how nice it is for you to be here, but I don't lie. A few things to note, don't take this site too seriously and don't expect meets, this is so you won't get pissed off and commit “fabicide”. If you ignore this advice your soul will be crushed by the pointy heels of hostile and prickly women. Be warned. I like to compare the site to diamond mining, there is a ton of crap to wade through but the gem completely outweighs the effort you put in.
Feel free to peruse the smorgasbord of single ladies just waiting to meet you in your Travelodge in some part of town reminiscent of communist Russia. A quick browse through and you have selected an unfortunate recipient for your vulgar monologue. With one hand you press send while thinking “She'll love this shit!”. Now here is the interesting part, what happens with your message? In order of likelihood to happen:
Joint first place. The message gets deleted or left unread. Not much to say about the deleted message. Block and move on I guess. But the left unread message is interesting. There is the ability to read the message and revert it back to an unread message. Not sure why that little gem is there, but it is. Another reason could be that your message just hasn't appeared on the lucky lady's radar, this could be due to a site problem (only so many messages appear in an inbox) or it could be lost amongst the tons of other messages with the title “hello”.
Second place. The message gets read but not deleted with no reply. Quite common. One does wonder why they are waiting to reply. Maybe she has gone to jack off to your message. Or maybe she has gone to pour bleach into her eyes after looking at your profile. Employ the 1 week rule here, no reply within 1 week means she really isn't interested. Time to move on.
Third place. She actually bloody replied! Jebus was looking down on you that day, fella. A conversation has been born. There is also the strong chance she gets bored and vanishes, or your repugnant facial features puts her off. Or maybe (just maybe) she has all the vigour of a mollusc and bores the hell out of you. Who knows, just keep it light and interesting.
Fourth place. She is foolish enough to want to meet you for a drink. High fives all round, you did something right. Time to slap on some Hai Karate, you are about to use your 2012 Summer Olympics novelty condom (nicely coloured in silver). You swan out of your slightly condemned council bedsit like Billy Bigballs. This is your time to shine so make sure you do it well. Remember that you are not with your bricky mates from work, show some decorum and don't be rude, keep it nice and maybe a little flirty. So, she has shoved enough rum and down her throat to drown a medium size hippo and suggests going to a hotel. I am not a biology teacher so I won't guide you through what happens next. Try guessing or maybe use Google.
If you fail to get past joint first place (or even second place) and start to doubt yourself as a desirable person. Try these tips.
1)Have a well presented and well worded profile with a nice face picture, clothed picture or arty nude picture. Not a cock picture, anything but that (and defiantly not a cock pic with a can or Sky remote as a measuring device). Write something about you and what you are looking for.
2)The ratio of of men to women on this site is beyond a joke (1 woman to 10 men possibly), so it is difficult to get anywhere here. But don't forget, not every profile is nauseating detritus, there are numerous other women who are friendly, approachable and will chat to you.
3)Pick your profiles wisely. If someone is advertised as a 'party girl' organising gangbangs at £100 a pop, does she really want to sit with you to watch Star Trek?
4)Read profiles. Some are deliberately long to out those guys who don't want to put any effort in. This is understandable but can come across as picky and slightly tedious. If you like the sound of their profile and managed to stay awake for the whole thesis, by all means send a message.
5)Send a nicely worded friendly and engaging message that is personalised to the person.
6)If someone is interested, believe me, they will let you know.
7)Things take time, especially when messaging.
8)Get yourself to a social. I have heard mixed things about them (cliquey, too many men etc). But it might be worth a shot to get yourself known as a nice guy and not a knobhead.
9)Don't get shitty. If a woman gets you in a shitty mood, is she really worth engaging with or meeting?
10)Remember what I said at the beginning (not taking it too seriously bit) and have fun.
If you have been here for a good period of time and women still vomit at the mere mention of your name, maybe accept this site doesn't work for you and try the whole host of other sites/apps aimed at getting your willy wet. |
all very very true!! H (female)
peruse later
4) Bullshit! I do not care if you gonna read my profile. I want you to want it to read it 