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Club Etiquette
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Hello fellow fabbers, just after your thoughts. Last night with the idea still of finding a male to join us we where in a club. Sat down the usual chat between us . Where mrs had spotted a guy at the bar she likes there were only 2 guys in. However the question was raised by her should she just go over and talk to him and leave me sat there. Or should she have gone over with a johnny and give it to him and take his hand.Given that weve not met a single in a club before only outside club meets whats the best way?. She was trying to draw his attention , or was he just not interested.... she not at all shy and is a chatter box but was unsure what to say  |
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By *oxesMan
over a year ago
Southend, Essex |
all I say is when in doubt why not just go over TOGETHER and say hi.
think about it this way If you wanted to talk to someone in a vanilla club(weather thats because you fancied them or just wanted a chat) how would you do that? |
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By *plpxp2Couple
over a year ago
Middlesbrough |
I have to say they were probably stood thinking the same thing, easiest way is to say hi. Apart from a rare time in an orgy room we tend to have always chatted to folks we've played with. x |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
I always wonder who should do the talking but apparently it is the single males job to initiate if he is interested. It can be daunting though as your approaching a couple instead of just a single lady, I've had it before where a couple will proposition me though which makes life easier but also declined several couples which can be awkward. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Only been to a club once and was very impromptue so can't give any advice. But what I will say is I find it very sexy if someone approaches me and most men I know like it to so just do it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Jonnys. I didn't realise that's still a thing.
Tis up here
Thanks guys think it was the whole rejection she didnt like x"
Nobody likes rejection pal, we all get it I've been rejected 2 times in the last couple of hrs haha.
But fuck it I say onwards and upwards |
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Go over and say hi. Talk about the club, whether they have been before and what they are into sexually.
She could then ask for a kiss or say she is going to have a look around and does he fancy joining you.
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I smiled, made eye contact, asked a neutral question.... When that didn't seem to work I flicked water at him when he walked past me.... Finally got his attention;)
Had a good session shortly afterwards;)
I think single men don't want to be seen as pushy so may not come over unless there are very definite signals which is tough from across the club.
Stand next to them and engage in neutral chat.
It's not a normal bar so everyone is expecting some chats to turn sexual |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Both go over and chat to the guy like he's a human being.
If a guy stuffed a condom in a girl's hand .... 
I get sick of all the game playing. Just talk.
'Men shouldn't approach anyone they should wait till they have a written agreement that the woman/ couple are interested.' 'Couples/ women should grab the guy by the cock and he'd better not refuse or else be banished from Swinging for all eternity.'   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Both go over and chat to the guy like he's a human being.
If a guy stuffed a condom in a girl's hand ....
I get sick of all the game playing. Just talk.
'Men shouldn't approach anyone they should wait till they have a written agreement that the woman/ couple are interested.' 'Couples/ women should grab the guy by the cock and he'd better not refuse or else be banished from Swinging for all eternity.' "
I agree, so what club you go to and when you there hahahaha |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"Jonnys. I didn't realise that's still a thing.
Tis up here
Thanks guys think it was the whole rejection she didnt like x"
if you were together as a couple i would expect to talk to you as a couple.....
besides just handing a condom to someone without even talking to them is a bit of a presumptious move....
if the situation had been reversed i don't think we would be talking about it so glibly.... |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
It's not easy approaching couples as some will only be looking for other couples or single ladies. I've had it where I have just been watching couples playing and they invite me to join and they say we didn't know whether to ask you to join us so there can be confusion. Personally I think the couples should approach the single male. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's not easy approaching couples as some will only be looking for other couples or single ladies. I've had it where I have just been watching couples playing and they invite me to join and they say we didn't know whether to ask you to join us so there can be confusion. Personally I think the couples should approach the single male."
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"It's not easy approaching couples as some will only be looking for other couples or single ladies. I've had it where I have just been watching couples playing and they invite me to join and they say we didn't know whether to ask you to join us so there can be confusion. Personally I think the couples should approach the single male."
Generally I'd agree as those in the minority should take the lead otherwise it may turn into a series of single men approaching and that could feel more like sifting for an interview rather than chatting someone up.
If the lady wanted multiple men for a group session, how would be the best way to gather them in? |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"It's not easy approaching couples as some will only be looking for other couples or single ladies. I've had it where I have just been watching couples playing and they invite me to join and they say we didn't know whether to ask you to join us so there can be confusion. Personally I think the couples should approach the single male."
nope...... where as i don't agree with their possible approaches.... I don't actually agree with your either....
I think the problem for a lot of people is that going to someone and saying hello is some sort of opening gambit to getting someones knickers off....
maybe people should take a hello for what it is..... a hello!!!
all good conversations and a fair few shitty ones all start with the word.... but i think people are thinking 5 steps ahead than should be.....
i am beginning to think its just me that goes and says hello to people with no m.o behind it.... and in a way thats actually really sad |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"It's not easy approaching couples as some will only be looking for other couples or single ladies. I've had it where I have just been watching couples playing and they invite me to join and they say we didn't know whether to ask you to join us so there can be confusion. Personally I think the couples should approach the single male.
Generally I'd agree as those in the minority should take the lead otherwise it may turn into a series of single men approaching and that could feel more like sifting for an interview rather than chatting someone up.
If the lady wanted multiple men for a group session, how would be the best way to gather them in?"
depends on the club and what night you went e.g greedy girls event would be the best bet for that but generally if you started playing in an open room you might have several single men watching an you could just wave the 1's you wanted over. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
Being a single woman or couple in a club means we have to be pro-active, as so many clubs are clear in their rules that single men have to behave. That doesn't prevent the single man from approaching us, but it does make many wary of doing so in case their approach is unwanted.
I've sat at the bar in Chameleons and not been approached by anyone. I realised that I would get nowhere if I didn't start talking to people, but I wouldn't be averse to the guy approaching me.
One of the most frustrating things is when I get a message on here from someone asking me if I was the woman sat at the bar at Quest, and it would have been nice to chat. So why didn't they? I'm not a mind reader! |
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I think the condom thing was said in jest , doubt that would have happened anyway there is no game playing going on. Given that we havent chatted to singles before in a club enviroment and the 2 singles in there chatting away together at the bar what do you do...
So moral is chat to them then, or flick some water at him. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"I think the condom thing was said in jest , doubt that would have happened anyway there is no game playing going on. Given that we havent chatted to singles before in a club enviroment and the 2 singles in there chatting away together at the bar what do you do...
So moral is chat to them then, or flick some water at him. "
i'll chat to anyone... and in a way the smokers have it right, because if you every just go outside, you'll see people talking to each other just for the sake of chatting... and weirdly you don't always get that in the bar area.... |
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"I think the condom thing was said in jest , doubt that would have happened anyway there is no game playing going on. Given that we havent chatted to singles before in a club enviroment and the 2 singles in there chatting away together at the bar what do you do...
So moral is chat to them then, or flick some water at him.
i'll chat to anyone... and in a way the smokers have it right, because if you every just go outside, you'll see people talking to each other just for the sake of chatting... and weirdly you don't always get that in the bar area...."
Weve said hello to alot of people as you have a nosy round the club seeing whats going on. Its just the initial approach she worried about.I know what you mean about the smokers bit , she probably needs a female club buddy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think the condom thing was said in jest , doubt that would have happened anyway there is no game playing going on. Given that we havent chatted to singles before in a club enviroment and the 2 singles in there chatting away together at the bar what do you do...
So moral is chat to them then, or flick some water at him.
i'll chat to anyone... and in a way the smokers have it right, because if you every just go outside, you'll see people talking to each other just for the sake of chatting... and weirdly you don't always get that in the bar area...."
we have found we always speak to more people in the smoking area than anywhere else in a club and they say smoking is anti social lol |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
A club I used to frequent had wristbands which I think would help break the ice to show what people were looking for. The problem was nobody knew what they meant or wore them so they were redundant, they should of had a little notice board with a key for them. That can prevent unwanted attention from single males. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"A club I used to frequent had wristbands which I think would help break the ice to show what people were looking for. The problem was nobody knew what they meant or wore them so they were redundant, they should of had a little notice board with a key for them. That can prevent unwanted attention from single males."
okay... but my answer to that is this...
why is just chatting with someone considered to be unwanted attention... again that is reading way more into a situation than there is..... like i said, sometimes a hello is just a hello!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hello fellow fabbers, just after your thoughts. Last night with the idea still of finding a male to join us we where in a club. Sat down the usual chat between us . Where mrs had spotted a guy at the bar she likes there were only 2 guys in. However the question was raised by her should she just go over and talk to him and leave me sat there. Or should she have gone over with a johnny and give it to him and take his hand.Given that weve not met a single in a club before only outside club meets whats the best way?. She was trying to draw his attention , or was he just not interested.... she not at all shy and is a chatter box but was unsure what to say "
Not sure I'd choose the go over, give Johnny and take his hand option. Just maybe he might not have been interested. Far better to go and talk to him without presuming his interest I would've thought |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A club I used to frequent had wristbands which I think would help break the ice to show what people were looking for. The problem was nobody knew what they meant or wore them so they were redundant, they should of had a little notice board with a key for them. That can prevent unwanted attention from single males.
okay... but my answer to that is this...
why is just chatting with someone considered to be unwanted attention... again that is reading way more into a situation than there is..... like i said, sometimes a hello is just a hello!
"
There isn't a good reason why saying hello to someone is considered to be unwanted attention - but it very often IS considered to be unwanted attention when it's a single man saying hello. Club etiquette for single men is very simple - whatever you're doing right now is wrong. |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"A club I used to frequent had wristbands which I think would help break the ice to show what people were looking for. The problem was nobody knew what they meant or wore them so they were redundant, they should of had a little notice board with a key for them. That can prevent unwanted attention from single males.
okay... but my answer to that is this...
why is just chatting with someone considered to be unwanted attention... again that is reading way more into a situation than there is..... like i said, sometimes a hello is just a hello!
"
It's just the way people interpret conversation in a swingers club, e.g if a single male goes an sits by a couple they will assume he is interested in playing. Same as if a couple came an sat by me an started talking to me I would assume the same thing obviously its not always the case though. There can be a lot of 'Ice' to break at times so to speak in my opinion. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"
It's just the way people interpret conversation in a swingers club, e.g if a single male goes an sits by a couple they will assume he is interested in playing. Same as if a couple came an sat by me an started talking to me I would assume the same thing obviously its not always the case though. There can be a lot of 'Ice' to break at times so to speak in my opinion. "
but thats says more about you... because that is not the way i interpret conversation...
i'll chat with anyone... and like i said, if you are in the smoking area you'll find people just chat with others with no m.o, but as soon as you walk into a bar all those things magically disappear...
i talk to people if they look nervous, i'll get to people whilst getting a drink, i'll chat to anyone because quite frankly i'm a gobshite...
but if you are interpreting my actions in a different way that i am intending them, why should i change to suit them.... that's a them issue.... |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"
It's just the way people interpret conversation in a swingers club, e.g if a single male goes an sits by a couple they will assume he is interested in playing. Same as if a couple came an sat by me an started talking to me I would assume the same thing obviously its not always the case though. There can be a lot of 'Ice' to break at times so to speak in my opinion.
but thats says more about you... because that is not the way i interpret conversation...
i'll chat with anyone... and like i said, if you are in the smoking area you'll find people just chat with others with no m.o, but as soon as you walk into a bar all those things magically disappear...
i talk to people if they look nervous, i'll get to people whilst getting a drink, i'll chat to anyone because quite frankly i'm a gobshite...
but if you are interpreting my actions in a different way that i am intending them, why should i change to suit them.... that's a them issue...."
maybe so just the way I see it I guess but it usually is the case in my experience. |
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"I think the condom thing was said in jest , doubt that would have happened anyway there is no game playing going on. Given that we havent chatted to singles before in a club enviroment and the 2 singles in there chatting away together at the bar what do you do...
So moral is chat to them then, or flick some water at him.
i'll chat to anyone... and in a way the smokers have it right, because if you every just go outside, you'll see people talking to each other just for the sake of chatting... and weirdly you don't always get that in the bar area....
we have found we always speak to more people in the smoking area than anywhere else in a club and they say smoking is anti social lol"
Agreed. I always end up chatting to more people in the smoking area than in the bar area. Jack. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A club I used to frequent had wristbands which I think would help break the ice to show what people were looking for. The problem was nobody knew what they meant or wore them so they were redundant, they should of had a little notice board with a key for them. That can prevent unwanted attention from single males.
okay... but my answer to that is this...
why is just chatting with someone considered to be unwanted attention... again that is reading way more into a situation than there is..... like i said, sometimes a hello is just a hello!
"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I also never know how to break the ice in club, been using them for years you'd have thought by now i'd know how they work but still don't have a clue
I never know how to approach anybody, i'm never sure if the fact they haven't approached me means they aren't interested, i'm never sure if im going to put them in an awkward situation if i approach them and they don't like me, i sometimes wonder if it's just best to leave them to approach me and if they don't take the hint
I am actually crap in club, i do enjoy them but sometimes i feel i may have a better time in them if i had more balls, more often than not i don't play in clubs and i'm not sure if that's because i'm just not what guys are looking for or because i'm too unsure of situations to make myself obvious |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"A club I used to frequent had wristbands which I think would help break the ice to show what people were looking for. The problem was nobody knew what they meant or wore them so they were redundant, they should of had a little notice board with a key for them. That can prevent unwanted attention from single males.
okay... but my answer to that is this...
why is just chatting with someone considered to be unwanted attention... again that is reading way more into a situation than there is..... like i said, sometimes a hello is just a hello!
There isn't a good reason why saying hello to someone is considered to be unwanted attention - but it very often IS considered to be unwanted attention when it's a single man saying hello. Club etiquette for single men is very simple - whatever you're doing right now is wrong."
So true |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"The wristbands can also be helpful for couples aswell. I know a few who only play with single men an they say it can be awkward going clubs with other couples approaching them."
but then highlights an issue.... should we only in clubs be talking to targeted audience...
that to me says that any conversation not directed at those people in those peoples eyes is "wasted conversation".... and you would not have that mindset anywhere else....
so why go with that mindset to a club???
do i know who i am going to talk to in a club on any given night... no, but i know i'll chat with nice people regardless...
they say people are afraid of unwanted attention or rejection... i think if you get all that mindset from someone saying a five letter word (hello) then to be honest that says much more about them..
hello is not a preditory word.....
i have said hello to people in clubs and been blanked... water of a ducks back... there issue not mine
i have also said hello to people i wouldn't have considered playing with ever... and had a brilliant time in there company be that socially just gassing or otherwise
i think the art of conversation is lacking in clubs on all sides.... and just because its a swinging club, it doesn't mean the conversation has to be about sex... in fact, for the first 5 minutes i'd rather it wasn't so at least i can find out about them as human beings........ |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"The wristbands can also be helpful for couples aswell. I know a few who only play with single men an they say it can be awkward going clubs with other couples approaching them.
but then highlights an issue.... should we only in clubs be talking to targeted audience...
that to me says that any conversation not directed at those people in those peoples eyes is "wasted conversation".... and you would not have that mindset anywhere else....
so why go with that mindset to a club???
do i know who i am going to talk to in a club on any given night... no, but i know i'll chat with nice people regardless...
they say people are afraid of unwanted attention or rejection... i think if you get all that mindset from someone saying a five letter word (hello) then to be honest that says much more about them..
hello is not a preditory word.....
i have said hello to people in clubs and been blanked... water of a ducks back... there issue not mine
i have also said hello to people i wouldn't have considered playing with ever... and had a brilliant time in there company be that socially just gassing or otherwise
i think the art of conversation is lacking in clubs on all sides.... and just because its a swinging club, it doesn't mean the conversation has to be about sex... in fact, for the first 5 minutes i'd rather it wasn't so at least i can find out about them as human beings........"
I can completely appreciate what your saying but it's just the way I've found it to be. If it is just a friendly hello at the bar or something or in a smoking area that's different. Actually approaching a couple who are sat down or vice versa an introducing yourself people will just assume there intentions are of playing. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
" I can completely appreciate what your saying but it's just the way I've found it to be. If it is just a friendly hello at the bar or something or in a smoking area that's different. Actually approaching a couple who are sat down or vice versa an introducing yourself people will just assume there intentions are of playing."
so why is it different talking to people in the smoking area than in the bar....... maybe the takeaway from this is they should take the talking in the smoking area "mindset" into the bar area.....
that is what i am saying though... that is your perception of what you think a couple is thinking..... you have already pre-judged that situation, you think they are only over there to get into knickers/pants....
so is that intention anytime you speak to someone?
that isn't my "intention" in what i am doing.. there is no underlying m.o, and if you don't believe me, thats not a me issue...
if i see people who are new to a club and just sitting in a corner, my intention is not "oooh looky there... fresh meat".... it is "we were all new once, and we know how nervewracking it can be" and make them feel a little more comfortable...
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
" I can completely appreciate what your saying but it's just the way I've found it to be. If it is just a friendly hello at the bar or something or in a smoking area that's different. Actually approaching a couple who are sat down or vice versa an introducing yourself people will just assume there intentions are of playing.
so why is it different talking to people in the smoking area than in the bar....... maybe the takeaway from this is they should take the talking in the smoking area "mindset" into the bar area.....
that is what i am saying though... that is your perception of what you think a couple is thinking..... you have already pre-judged that situation, you think they are only over there to get into knickers/pants....
so is that intention anytime you speak to someone?
that isn't my "intention" in what i am doing.. there is no underlying m.o, and if you don't believe me, thats not a me issue...
if i see people who are new to a club and just sitting in a corner, my intention is not "oooh looky there... fresh meat".... it is "we were all new once, and we know how nervewracking it can be" and make them feel a little more comfortable...
"
no not always but it's like talking to a girl in a nightclub they know your interested just by talking to them the same rules apply I think. The swinging world can be ruthless people only want to talk to people they are attracted to and don't want to give false hope by conversing with people they are not interested in. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In the club as a single guy, the previous posters are correct. We are under watchful eyes to ensure that were behaving ourselves. Aggressive singke guys grt ejected. We (I) look are looking for an 'in'. ---a way to introduce myself in a polite way to ppl that are receptive.
I may be a manslut, (cant believe I wrote that) but if a couple goes to the effort to close the gap by introducing themselves, then they'll get my attention. It doesn't mean we'll play, but it's better chance than if they stood at the bar hoping I'd notice.
I have, to date, been approached twice. I'll admit nobody has handed me a condom... It's a novel approach.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Both go over and chat to the guy like he's a human being.
If a guy stuffed a condom in a girl's hand ....
I get sick of all the game playing. Just talk.
'Men shouldn't approach anyone they should wait till they have a written agreement that the woman/ couple are interested.' 'Couples/ women should grab the guy by the cock and he'd better not refuse or else be banished from Swinging for all eternity."
Brilliantly put! |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
Well I must say if you came over and put a Jonny in my hand without even saying hello I would actually back off....
At least say hi and flirt then maybe say we are going for a wander around the club to see what is happening do you want to join us.....
Though I must say I was talking with a nice couple on Saturday but never said that even though. Her and I were flirting.....though may make it up with her when I see her next |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Shirley it's exactly the same as with ANY situation in life in general...if in doubt, ask.Otherwise, you're never going to know.
What is the ABSOLUTE worst that could happen? They may say "No, thanks".
X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Shirley it's exactly the same as with ANY situation in life in general...if in doubt, ask.Otherwise, you're never going to know.
What is the ABSOLUTE worst that could happen? They may say "No, thanks".
X"
No the worst is that they complain you're hassling them. More often they just blank you. Getting a "No thanks" is actually quite a good result |
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We have always found it easy to talk to people in Clubs, whether as a couple or on our own. Sometimes it is like talking to a rabbit in headlights, but mostly it just means you get a better idea of whether you are interested in someone or not.
On this site we put barriers up to limit the volume of messages, but in Clubs we don't have the same rules. It is then down to how interested we are.
Several times we have been playing and men have asked to join in, unless we have talked before the answer is always no. So for us, the recommendation to the guys is by all means walk around, we all do, but take the chance to say hello early and get spotted as a possible. What is so hard about hello?  |
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