FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Best way to let a guy down
Best way to let a guy down
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just say although you thought they were a great guy you don't feel you want to take it any further. "
I like this, but then I have to deal with the 'but why, I thought we got on so well' etc etc etc... Urgh... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just say although you thought they were a great guy you don't feel you want to take it any further.
I like this, but then I have to deal with the 'but why, I thought we got on so well' etc etc etc... Urgh... "
if its face to face there isn't a lot you can do but try and be sincere about it...
if its on here, then send the message and then block to save any unwanted comebacks  |
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"Just say although you thought they were a great guy you don't feel you want to take it any further.
I like this, but then I have to deal with the 'but why, I thought we got on so well' etc etc etc... Urgh... "
That's when you block.
None of us owe each other anything but respect, you show that by politely turning them down they don't show it when they refuse to respect your decision. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just say although you thought they were a great guy you don't feel you want to take it any further.
I like this, but then I have to deal with the 'but why, I thought we got on so well' etc etc etc... Urgh...
That's when you block.
None of us owe each other anything but respect, you show that by politely turning them down they don't show it when they refuse to respect your decision."
Thank you. *gulp* |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just say although you thought they were a great guy you don't feel you want to take it any further.
I like this, but then I have to deal with the 'but why, I thought we got on so well' etc etc etc... Urgh... "
That's when you have to be strong and firm.
Just repeat that yes, you got on well but that doesn't mean you want it to be anything more. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We all have little valves. Just pop it open and keep jumping up and down till flat - simples"
You mean the ego valve?
Yes; that works too. Just mash his ego until he's broken and slinks away to lick his wounds  |
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I let them know up front I'm not looking for anything more than a social meet. Can always change my mind in the moment. I'm surprised at how many guys are willing to go about it that way, but works for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you prefer to be told you're not someone's type after you've met them?
I'm struggling with being overly polite. "
Are we talking you've had sex and they want a return,or do you mean met for a social and don't fancy them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just tell them, most people don't hold their life hopes on whether or not you want to fuck them. Most men and women kind of expect that not every social will lead to a meet. Yes, some will get arsey about it, they can be blocked. No need to block straight away though, send a veri that they're genuine and wish them well.
So many people think of it as 'letting them down', you're overthinking your importance in their life. Just say 'not for me' and move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd prefer A simple but polite "not for me" that way I know where I stand, I'm not gonna get pissy I get I'm not everyones cup of tea. but knowing where I stand is good and it's only a reasonable thing to ask for especially if I met them for a social meet, at the end of the day isn't that the point of socials? To find out if you click in person then decide from their where it's going to go? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Agree with others, if it was me, a polite thanks but no thanks.
You could say that you didn't feel a spark and you don't feel it's worth going any further.
I would always rather people were straight with me, even if its not what I want to hear. Saves any doubt that something could happen again. If you were to get a nasty response, just block or if really nasty, report and block. |
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I always say honesty is the best answer if we met and afterwards you said thank you for meeting but it didn't really click for me or it didn't feel the way I thought it or it just didn't work, I would be happy with that I might be slightly upset that it didn't work but at least I knew where I stood and you weren't messing me around and I would respect you more for being honest  hope this helps |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you prefer to be told you're not someone's type after you've met them?
I'm struggling with being overly polite. "
How do people normally tell you? |
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"How do you prefer to be told you're not someone's type after you've met them?
I'm struggling with being overly polite.
How do people normally tell you? "
Maybe she hasn't had that happen.
It's difficult for us polite ladies telling some guys 'you're not my type' as many can't accept or understand a refusal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you prefer to be told you're not someone's type after you've met them?
I'm struggling with being overly polite.
How do people normally tell you?
Maybe she hasn't had that happen.
It's difficult for us polite ladies telling some guys 'you're not my type' as many can't accept or understand a refusal. "
Not dissimilar to us guy's telling some women. Most can usually tell if there's a connection or not, without having to actually spell it out. |
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"How do you prefer to be told you're not someone's type after you've met them?
I'm struggling with being overly polite. "
Have a friend outside waiting with an axe and after a discrete text get them them to charge in shouting "you cheating cow,where is he I'm going to kill him"
With luck he will be out of there faster than speedy gonzales
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How do you prefer to be told you're not someone's type after you've met them?
I'm struggling with being overly polite.
How do people normally tell you?
Maybe she hasn't had that happen.
It's difficult for us polite ladies telling some guys 'you're not my type' as many can't accept or understand a refusal.
Not dissimilar to us guy's telling some women. Most can usually tell if there's a connection or not, without having to actually spell it out. "
ho hum. Apparently not. I feel like I should start looking at wedding dresses... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How do you prefer to be told you're not someone's type after you've met them?
I'm struggling with being overly polite.
Have a friend outside waiting with an axe and after a discrete text get them them to charge in shouting "you cheating cow,where is he I'm going to kill him"
With luck he will be out of there faster than speedy gonzales
"
PERFECT!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My advice would be simply "I'm not really feeling it."
And then stick to your guns, you don't have to explain your feelings. If they ask then you can do the whole "I don't know, I'm just not".
If it were me personally being rejected like that I would just say OK and wish you the best... But I hear that's not the norm 
Good luck!
-M (him) |
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Having had a quick scan through I agree with what people say about honesty - with most things in life feedback is always good be that good or bad - if it's just "not feeling it" then that's ok but if the other person does something that you don't like tell them as they may not realise they do it - I left my socks on in one meet - I never saw them again... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find that this works quite well:
"Jesus fucking christ, what happened to your face!?!? Oh my good god, please, noooo!! Make it go away, please please please, oh god, I want to die!!!!!!"
That normally works for me, tho I have had worse. |
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I've had polite brush-offs before now. It goes with the territory and you walk away.
Personally, when the boot is on the other foot, I'm always wary of behaving in a way I wouldn't to a person's face when saying no thanks in cyber. It's a thin line between the trolls who think they can say all sorts of nasty stuff to those who've rejected them and rudeness from those doing the rejecting. I'd hope never to be either! |
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'I appreciate you taking the time to meet me but you won't be going through to the next round. I'm out'
Seriously though; polite, blunt and firm. If it's face to face and you have concerns about them making a scene or being creepy/aggressive - try and do it in a public place with an escape route (friend outside with a car or a confidant near by). This goes for either sex but guys tend to not accept a 'no' as well as women.
We've sat a few tables away from a female friend in the pub where she was meeting a guy for a social. When it got to the 'thanks - no thanks' stage she let the guy down before giving us the signal to 'suddenly spot her across the pub' and come over. |
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For me I would rather it's not in the first two minutes of meeting lol
I mean I'm gathering messages and pics have been exchanged so unless they look nothing like the pictures I'm not sure what else would have changed your mind |
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By *ames6ft5Man
over a year ago
North London / Herts |
Lots of sound advice above so probably little more to be said, but hey I might as well as I'm waiting for the coffee pot to come to the boil.
I guess the context of how much messaging you have done already and what has been discussed always forms part of this.
Presuming this is after a social meet, I guess it depends how that was handled. If the social was in and of itself civil and friendly, flirty even, rather than awkward, but on reflection you were just not sufficiently attracted to see him again/more, then I think if your personal style is to be polite and friendly you'd want to still be that, but also try and be unequivocal.
So perhaps -
"Again it was fun to meet you the other night, I enjoyed the drink. I have been mulling things since and whilst you will be what many others are looking for, regretfully you are not for me. Again it was fun and I have no doubt you'll find some lovely friends to play with on fab. We all have different things we are looking for here, but I am quite sure I want to leave it at just that one drink for us. Have lots of fun and perhaps we'll cross paths in the forums. Thank you again."
And if there is a come back message that's anything more than a "thanks and have fun yourself" then probably one final message back along the lines -
"No. I need to be clear, I'm afraid I won't be interested in meeting again and further messaging is not for me. Thank you again for the drink. Bye x"
After that just don't reply anymore and if more than a couple of further messages come in you would presumably block. I think if you've both gone to the trouble to meet at least that kind of message, if you are most comfortable being polite, is worth a try.
If you really didn't enjoy the social and it was very awkward, or there turned out to be some gross misrepresentation of who they were, then you'd presumably handle differently.
There will of course be others on here who think that effort ridiculous and will say "block" move on. However, we all have the right to do things in our own style.
Right my coffee is boiled .
James
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Keep a load of cats protection business cards in your handbag, write "this is the only pussy your getting tonight" on the back of it and hand it to him before walking off into the sunset"
You're way too good at this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just tell them...sorry but you're a shit shag!
No point beating around the bush.....
We haven't had sex... Maybe that's the solution!!! "
just say you would probably be a shit shag then |
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