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How to be more dom
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"Lately there has been I number of women/couples wanting me to dominant the fem. Trouble is im not overly dominant anyway, I can be if i need to but only with women/couples I know well. My main reason for not wanting to with new people is i never want to cross lines ect " | |||
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"Lately there has been I number of women/couples wanting me to dominant the fem. Trouble is im not overly dominant anyway, I can be if i need to but only with women/couples I know well. My main reason for not wanting to with new people is i never want to cross lines ect " It is more to do with self-confidence and confidence in your ability to read situations and read people in play situations. It is all about pracising, communicating, defining boundaries before you play and by going over the play with your willing victims afterwards. | |||
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"Lately there has been I number of women/couples wanting me to dominant the fem. Trouble is im not overly dominant anyway, I can be if i need to but only with women/couples I know well. My main reason for not wanting to with new people is i never want to cross lines ect " Talk to them, negotiate every activity in. Then you know where the lines are. | |||
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"Ur either Dom r sub no in between I'm afraid n I'm sub . I could not dom a lady " Well, you're categorically wrong I'm afraid. You are not 'either' dominant or submissive. You *can* be one or the other, but you can also be both. Or neither. | |||
"Ur either Dom r sub no in between I'm afraid n I'm sub . I could not dom a lady Well, you're categorically wrong I'm afraid. You are not 'either' dominant or submissive. You *can* be one or the other, but you can also be both. Or neither." Couldn't agree more. I can do both but much prefer to play sub as Mr A does dom extremely well x | |||
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"Ur either Dom r sub no in between I'm afraid n I'm sub . I could not dom a lady Well, you're categorically wrong I'm afraid. You are not 'either' dominant or submissive. You *can* be one or the other, but you can also be both. Or neither."  | |||
"Ur either Dom r sub no in between I'm afraid n I'm sub . I could not dom a lady " what a load of tosh! I'm neither, or both! who cares!  | |||
"Ur either Dom r sub no in between I'm afraid n I'm sub . I could not dom a lady " Oops lol. For the purposes of play you can 'fake it' for a bit. Depends how good at acting a person is. A long term D/s relationship with defined roles not so much, but for play... There are others that switch between and there are others that hover around the neutral point and have no interest in either. My advice to the op would be, find out before what people want and find scenarios that fit that. If you don't know do some research and put something together in your mind. Then practice assuming the role you have set out for yourself beforehand and exude confidence when you get there. Feed off the people you are with adapt to them and what pushes their buttons. That line you talk of needs to be clearly defined BEFORE play... If you try and Dominate without prior discussion that's jumping straight over the line... And lastly.... safety first and not just condoms  | |||
"Ur either Dom r sub no in between I'm afraid n I'm sub . I could not dom a lady Well, you're categorically wrong I'm afraid. You are not 'either' dominant or submissive. You *can* be one or the other, but you can also be both. Or neither." | |||
"Like some1 said I think its just one on those things that come naturally with the scenario. I'm normally laid back, but with few pple I've met, find myself more dominant in the bedroom. We just got tht chemistry & they know how to release that 'beast within me' lol "Precisely right. For most I'm percieved as confident but very laid back. "Non outcome specific" if you will. I'm there to play but don't really have a plan or direction. When I encounter a lady that I have a d/s connection with, we both pick up on it, and we evolve our scene from there. I don't do long term roles, as I'm not always feeling Dom. | |||
"Best advice i could give to a Non dom wanting to try pull it off is; Think of your fav actor.... How would he put himself in the role of a Dom.. Imagine your getting £1m for the role and see if you can pull it off. Its easy enough,to a limited degree..harder when the phsycological parts of domming come into play.." | |||
Others prefer a wokman's belt adorned with whips n chains and asking women to call them, "masta'" | |||
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"Ur either Dom r sub no in between I'm afraid n I'm sub . I could not dom a lady " There's more to sex than being pigeonholed as either 'dom' or 'sub'. I class myself as neither. | |||
"Ur either Dom r sub no in between I'm afraid n I'm sub . I could not dom a lady Well, you're categorically wrong I'm afraid. You are not 'either' dominant or submissive. You *can* be one or the other, but you can also be both. Or neither." Precisely! We often switch roles and have fun exploring them. We also have none Dom/Domme, sub playtime too, which we love. Best advice I can give is to talk to the other person about what they like, dislike and their limits. Then take it from there. Don't get too hung up on labels either.   | |||
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"For some, spouting nonsense like, "me, 'alfa' male", helps
Others prefer a wokman's belt adorned with whips n chains and asking women to call them, "masta'" "Don't forget the leather waistcoat and baggy leather trousers | |||
" A Dom is a leader, takes the initiative. They have the plan of what's going to happen. A good Dom always has consent, always acts in the best benefit of the submissive/s under their care. A good Dom is always safe. They communicate well. They respect your limits but they also guide you to push past your limits. They have an inner confidence in themselves and their own abilities. They are solid. There are people with dominant personalities who are not sexual Doms. " I disagree on all points. A dominant does not always have to have a plan. A dominant is not always 'safe' - depending on your negotiated rules. A dominant should *never* push past limits. Ever. Limits are not there to be tested - they are limits. That means you don't go past them. If a submissive says to me 'scat is a limit' then I'm not going to shit in their mouth to try and get them past that. A dominant doesn't have to have inner confidence. They certainly don't have to believe in their own abilities (otherwise, how does anyone start?). A sexual dominant doesn't have to have a dominant personality. I certainly don't have a dominant personality, but I still make a pretty good sexual dominant. | |||
" A Dom is a leader, takes the initiative. They have the plan of what's going to happen. A good Dom always has consent, always acts in the best benefit of the submissive/s under their care. A good Dom is always safe. They communicate well. They respect your limits but they also guide you to push past your limits. They have an inner confidence in themselves and their own abilities. They are solid. There are people with dominant personalities who are not sexual Doms. I disagree on all points. A dominant does not always have to have a plan. A dominant is not always 'safe' - depending on your negotiated rules. A dominant should *never* push past limits. Ever. Limits are not there to be tested - they are limits. That means you don't go past them. If a submissive says to me 'scat is a limit' then I'm not going to shit in their mouth to try and get them past that. A dominant doesn't have to have inner confidence. They certainly don't have to believe in their own abilities (otherwise, how does anyone start?). A sexual dominant doesn't have to have a dominant personality. I certainly don't have a dominant personality, but I still make a pretty good sexual dominant." Good. We both disagree with each other. A top is a sexual dominant. A top isn't a Dom. A Dom is dominant in their life, not just in the bedroom. Consent. Why did you ignore consent? Can you consent to be guided past a limit? "I don't like anal, can you help me with that" Safe sane and consensual v risk aware consensual kink. In both ways they are safe. You go to jail If you kill people because you are unsafe and no amount of consent will help you. | |||
"How to be more dom? Shave off your eyebrows, then using a permanent black marker, draw some stern looking eyebrows back on again. "I told a lady she had drawn her eyebrows on too high.... she looked surprised. | |||
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Most doms/studs/bulls/lovers didnt follow a manual to end up as they are with whoever they meet. They just followed their natural urges, drive, redbloodedness and ended up meeting fems/cpls that go for such guys.
There's no check list & training that makes you one you either naturally are or you aint. | |||
"How to be more dom? Shave off your eyebrows, then using a permanent black marker, draw some stern looking eyebrows back on again.
I told a lady she had drawn her eyebrows on too high.... she looked surprised. " | |||
"Ur either Dom r sub no in between I'm afraid n I'm sub . I could not dom a lady Well, you're categorically wrong I'm afraid. You are not 'either' dominant or submissive. You *can* be one or the other, but you can also be both. Or neither." | |||
" A top is a sexual dominant. A top isn't a Dom. A Dom is dominant in their life, not just in the bedroom. " Not entirely true. 'Top' is shorthand for someone who is 'in charge' in various activities. You might have a rope top, or a leather top, or a service top, or a gay top (or more commonly a gay top might just refer to themselves as 'active'). A dominant, in the BDSM scene, is more usually someone who identifies with dominant/submissive activities. They don't have to be dominant in their day to day life. Just like submissives don't have to be submissive in their day to day life. Sexual activity does not have to be related to activity outside of the bedroom. " Consent. Why did you ignore consent? " Consensual Non Consent is a form of play. " Can you consent to be guided past a limit? "I don't like anal, can you help me with that" " They're not limits. They're just things you find difficult. In the BDSM scene a limit is something you must not cross. My limits are things like having sex with minors and animals, or unprotected sex. On the other hand I would like to get past the difficulties I have with some types of anal sex. They aren't limits - they are things I currently struggle with. But I'm enthusiastic to change those things. Of course a top/dominant can have limits as well as submissives. As a dominant I have plenty of things I won't do. They are my limits. " Safe sane and consensual v risk aware consensual kink. In both ways they are safe. You go to jail If you kill people because you are unsafe and no amount of consent will help you." RACK (risk aware) isn't always safe. My partner and I do things somethings that aren't safe. We understand the consequences of those things. That's why we're RACK rather than SSC. | |||
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"For some, spouting nonsense like, "me, 'alfa' male", helps
Others prefer a wokman's belt adorned with whips n chains and asking women to call them, "masta'"
Don't forget the leather waistcoat and baggy leather trousers "That and the Sub/Dom 101 BA degree from the 'University of Life' in Massachusetts | |||
"For some, spouting nonsense like, "me, 'alfa' male", helps
Others prefer a wokman's belt adorned with whips n chains and asking women to call them, "masta'"
Don't forget the leather waistcoat and baggy leather trousers
That and the Sub/Dom 101 BA degree from the 'University of Life' in Massachusetts "You sure it's not Sydney University that are the awarding body? | |||
" A top is a sexual dominant. A top isn't a Dom. A Dom is dominant in their life, not just in the bedroom. Not entirely true. 'Top' is shorthand for someone who is 'in charge' in various activities. You might have a rope top, or a leather top, or a service top, or a gay top (or more commonly a gay top might just refer to themselves as 'active'). A dominant, in the BDSM scene, is more usually someone who identifies with dominant/submissive activities. They don't have to be dominant in their day to day life. Just like submissives don't have to be submissive in their day to day life. Sexual activity does not have to be related to activity outside of the bedroom. Consent. Why did you ignore consent? Consensual Non Consent is a form of play. Can you consent to be guided past a limit? "I don't like anal, can you help me with that" They're not limits. They're just things you find difficult. In the BDSM scene a limit is something you must not cross. My limits are things like having sex with minors and animals, or unprotected sex. On the other hand I would like to get past the difficulties I have with some types of anal sex. They aren't limits - they are things I currently struggle with. But I'm enthusiastic to change those things. Of course a top/dominant can have limits as well as submissives. As a dominant I have plenty of things I won't do. They are my limits. Safe sane and consensual v risk aware consensual kink. In both ways they are safe. You go to jail If you kill people because you are unsafe and no amount of consent will help you. RACK (risk aware) isn't always safe. My partner and I do things somethings that aren't safe. We understand the consequences of those things. That's why we're RACK rather than SSC." The wonderful world of bdsm. There is an infinite spectrum for discussion, interpretation, debate and often argument. I genuinely love this sort of discussion but at times it falls to very specific definitions and it goes directly to people's beliefs. So people get touchy I was originally trying to explain in broad strokes for the vanilla op. I didn't want to confuse people. If you want to discuss it futher and my obviously bad posts (  ) I would enjoy it, but I'm not sure here is the best place | |||
"For some, spouting nonsense like, "me, 'alfa' male", helps
Others prefer a wokman's belt adorned with whips n chains and asking women to call them, "masta'"
Don't forget the leather waistcoat and baggy leather trousers
That and the Sub/Dom 101 BA degree from the 'University of Life' in Massachusetts
You sure it's not Sydney University that are the awarding body?"Now that you mention it ..... | |||
Just go with it, but you either have it, or you don't. You can't force it. Like with what happened in my case, it needs to be enticed, encouraged out of you. | |||
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