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D/s relationship
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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. So I was approached to start a D/s relationship - but she is interested in one where it moves outside the bedroom too which I've never done. Looking for any tips/ ideas. Thanks x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Were going to need a lot more information than that, are you dom or sub? Are you talking going to a club with sub on a leash or TPE (TOTAL POWER EXCHANGE) tell us more, then we can give you a clearer answer |
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Whilst of course theres a need to keep everything safe and sane, perhaps rather than reading, reading, reading the OP should be talking, talking, talking.
Good communication is essential in any relationship, and if you're going down the D/s route then thats certainly the case.
Talk to her, find out what she thinks will be involved, let her know what you think you'll be doing and between you, you might just come up with something that works for You (if you can avoid jumping each others bones as you talk about it that is  ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My advice to you is this. Don't do it, not until such time as you know the other person well and there is a bond a trust between you. And make sure you both understand what it is you both want from it. It isn't something to be taken lightly..... good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you mean a dom/sub relationship ??
That might make sense"
Writing it as D/s is an accepted shorthand in the BDSM community and as he says he's been doing a lot of reading on other sites. Perhaps the quality of responses on this site will persuade him he might get a more informed answer elsewhere  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You need to get her to explain what she wants and needs from something like this, set up a task with her writing an essay or list, make it kinky if that helps, lay out clothes she is to wear, have her use toys and forbid her from cumming until she's done and you've read it and are satisfied, tell her you want in-depth details, it'll make her happy and give you an idea of what she wants, you then have a foundation to discuss from |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you mean a dom/sub relationship ??
That might make sense
Writing it as D/s is an accepted shorthand in the BDSM community and as he says he's been doing a lot of reading on other sites. Perhaps the quality of responses on this site will persuade him he might get a more informed answer elsewhere "
I do like a bit of irony. |
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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago
Cheshire |
". So I was approached to start a D/s relationship - but she is interested in one where it moves outside the bedroom too which I've never done. Looking for any tips/ ideas. Thanks x"
The only person that can answer your question really is her. Ask her what her needs and wants are. Ask her what her idea of 'outside the bedroom' means. You need to negotiate a level of power exchange. Reading and talking to others is great but it's you two that need to work out your expectations of each other. When you know your level of power exchange then you can work out how to use that, that will stimulate, fulfill and challenge you both. That's when you can research ideas and ask for help. Until the framework is decided between the two of you, it's difficult for anyone else to comment.
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Yes, what SubLilac says is vitally important. If you enter into this D/s relationship "outside the bedroom" you both need to discuss and negotiate what that means for her and for you. She still has needs, which may include ceding control of some aspects of her life to you. But those need to be discussed and defined.
I "owned" a sub for five years and it was an evolving relationship that did change over that time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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". So I was approached to start a D/s relationship - but she is interested in one where it moves outside the bedroom too which I've never done. Looking for any tips/ ideas. Thanks x
The only person that can answer your question really is her. Ask her what her needs and wants are. Ask her what her idea of 'outside the bedroom' means. You need to negotiate a level of power exchange. Reading and talking to others is great but it's you two that need to work out your expectations of each other. When you know your level of power exchange then you can work out how to use that, that will stimulate, fulfill and challenge you both. That's when you can research ideas and ask for help. Until the framework is decided between the two of you, it's difficult for anyone else to comment.
"
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By *urvyKattWoman
over a year ago
Dumfriesshire |
Some very good advice, the only thing I would add is that constant communication is the key to a good D/s relationship. If you are going to make it work you need to be able to talk frankly about what works for you both and what doesn't.
I have found a D/s relationship to be one of the most rewarding and deeply emotional relationships I have ever experienced.
Good luck to you both x |
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Yes for goodness sake do not use "50 Shades" as any kind of template for a D/s relationship. It's one of the worst examples out there. Remember it was written as titillating fiction, NOT an instruction manual!
Communicate with your partner, find out what she wants/needs from this new D/s relationship. remember that her needs may evolve and change so the checklist will need going over once in a while.
Read, join fetish sites and chat with others...find out if there is a local munch. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Munches are ok and you will get to meet other Fetters but and this a big but you need to get some idea of your own direction before you let others influence you. To say that D/s is complex would be a serious understatement but it's great if you get it right. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Read A LOT, talk, question, learn, talk to other D/s couples if you can, don't go in to heavy.
And don't read 50 Shades of Drivel"
And then when you have done that, read some more. Stay your hand, in both senses , do not let your genitals lead your thought processes.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Start off slowly until you get more ideas. Not everything you do with her has to be physical to make her subservient to you. Giving her tasks which she has to complete to you satisfaction otherwise she might get punished or may be not. For eg. Get her to meet you for lunch or shopping and tell her you want to her to wear a short skirt with no knickers on. At a later date get her to meet you with a butt plug in her. You can be as imaginative as you want but obviously don't get arrested. |
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Get her to talk/ speak to other subs in these kind of relationships. It is not something to take likely, as it can lead to long lasting emotional problems. Ask yourself as well, are you ready for that kind of responsibility?
Be honest to yourself,dominating someone starts from the mind, it is not just physical.
Remember, as a sub, she actually yields the power. She can take that submission away from you, handing you control of all aspects of her life which I think you are implying by saying "outside" the bedroom is a huge task. You need to be emotionally available for her, as her dom.
Good luck!  |
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