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Please please help.....

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By *aughtySexualArousal OP   Man  over a year ago

SPALDING

I've been on here a while now.and made some good friends and met some fantastic people. I got in a relationship January 2015. My partner knows I'm still on here as I've been totally honest with her. The problem is I have a incredibly high sex drive, but she doesn't. In fact it's more like she never wants it. I'm not one to cheat but it's getting really difficult. I really love her but I need sex. We all do right? We have spoken about it but she just says I'm not in the mood. Plus we have a baby too so I'm not leaving her.

Ladies and gents I'd love to hear your thoughts.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Some women when pregnant and recently after giving birth find that their sex drive nosedives, I know mine certainly did after myy youngest was born it was a good nine months afterwards until I wanted sex. Hormones are a nightmare in women.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

She is probably exhausted, having a baby is hard work, physically and mentally.

If you truly love her, don't cheat. You don't 'need' sex, you want it which is natural, but if you truly love her you will bear with it and not screw your relationship up.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Some women when pregnant and recently after giving birth find that their sex drive nosedives, I know mine certainly did after myy youngest was born it was a good nine months afterwards until I wanted sex. Hormones are a nightmare in women."

Oh, but then my husband decided to cheat on me because he wanted sex, cue end of marriage

My advice talk to her again , try to find out the reasons why she doesn't want sex as much and talk it through properly

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"She is probably exhausted, having a baby is hard work, physically and mentally.

If you truly love her, don't cheat. You don't 'need' sex, you want it which is natural, but if you truly love her you will bear with it and not screw your relationship up.

"

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By *yldstyleWoman  over a year ago

A world of my own

When you have a new baby you feel too tired. Vulnerable and usually at your least attractive. Sex isn't on your mind until you start to feel like you again.

I'd suggest you take the focus of you needing sex and doing things to make her feel better. Run her baths. Give a massage without her thinking it's because you want sex. Tell her how much you love her. How special it is to have a child together. Sooner or later her desires might return. It's not her problem. I don't think being on a sex site will be helping either.

Work on building up intimacy again . Not getting sex.

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By *reenleavesCouple  over a year ago

North Wales

Talk to her. We don't know either of you to give you advice.

Swinging could provide a pressure release, especially if she's feeling bad about not wanting sex. Just after having a baby is probably not a great time to go elsewhere though.

Personally I think it's playing with fire and would be highly likely to end in unrecoverable relationship stress. Potentially also a trigger for post-natal depression.

But talk to her and listen to what she's saying. Good luck!

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By *icecouple561Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex


"I've been on here a while now.and made some good friends and met some fantastic people. I got in a relationship January 2015. My partner knows I'm still on here as I've been totally honest with her. The problem is I have a incredibly high sex drive, but she doesn't. In fact it's more like she never wants it. I'm not one to cheat but it's getting really difficult. I really love her but I need sex. We all do right? We have spoken about it but she just says I'm not in the mood. Plus we have a baby too so I'm not leaving her.

Ladies and gents I'd love to hear your thoughts. "

Has she always had a lower sex drive than yours or is it since she had your baby? Is she breast feeding? Is she getting enough sleep, feeling that her body isn't how it used to be, is sex entirely comfortable for her since giving birth? All these questions and more are what you should be asking her. Look out for signs of post natal depression too.

You and your feelings are important in the relationship too of course but when a baby comes in to a house sometimes a man has to temporarily take a bit of a back seat and it can be very difficult giving support and feeling that you're getting very little back. It helps enormously if both partners can understand that it isn't permanent.

My advice as always boils down to telling you to log off here and concentrate on talking things over and building closeness and communication with your partner. Good luck to all three of you.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Can't really understand your problem, you where on here before you met her, then when you met her you told her, she's fine with that it, your still on here, only bit I can't understand is the bit where you say ' I'm not one to cheat'

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"She is probably exhausted, having a baby is hard work, physically and mentally.

If you truly love her, don't cheat. You don't 'need' sex, you want it which is natural, but if you truly love her you will bear with it and not screw your relationship up.

"

Men need sex. Not in the same way women need sex but it's one of the basic needs of human kind. Managing the difference in couples is difficult but communication always always always a key. Make her know how you feel.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Firstly, just have a break on here,wank for now,help your girl friend baby sit and allow her sometime to recover.Give her some money to go outings with friends /family as she deserves to unwind a bit too.To be honest,if she conscents you to have fun here,deep down,shes not happy,but only allow you coz she loves and neva want to lose you.Sametime you got to try respect,avoid this privilege,endure and not long u both gona enjoy a good sex life.So now your priority is looking after her totally,make some home meals,if you can,put up hot tub for her wen u can and always offer drinks(soft/hot drinks)to keep her going.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

My missis when she was Prego she real did not want sex at all I respected that as her partner and new the faked we loved each other was enuth. And one thing me and my missis say never.liy to each other the faked that u thinking about cheating will most probe leed to u cheating ask u self is it worth losing your missis over

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By *alandNitaCouple  over a year ago

Scunthorpe

In my opinion, the best chance you have of having sex with your missus is by making her feel sexy.

Reduce her "workload" by doing everything around the house, do as much baby stuff as you can, and always be the one who gets up in the night, or changes the nappy. If you do this, then you'll soon find that she's not so tired all the time.

The next step is to be romantic and loving, remind her of be reasons that she fell in love with you..... and more importantly, the reasons that you fell in love with her.

And finally. Don't kick her when she's down, the last thing that you need to do is to go shagging someone else even if she pretends that it's ok, it really isn't.

Cal

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By *innamon!Woman  over a year ago

no matter

My advice would be help more in the home take the baby out and get wife to have some sleep.

Fill a nice bath after baby goes to sleep give her a back massage and foot rub. snuggle up with her and dont expect sex you can wank after all.

There are times in life when sex takes 2nd place. She will get her libido back eventually. Considering sex with others is a real betrayal. Just deal with it yourself and get back to being a loving father and husband.

(well you did ask )

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By *osieWoman  over a year ago

Wembley


"I've been on here a while now.and made some good friends and met some fantastic people. I got in a relationship January 2015. My partner knows I'm still on here as I've been totally honest with her. The problem is I have a incredibly high sex drive, but she doesn't. In fact it's more like she never wants it. I'm not one to cheat but it's getting really difficult. I really love her but I need sex. We all do right? We have spoken about it but she just says I'm not in the mood. Plus we have a baby too so I'm not leaving her.

Ladies and gents I'd love to hear your thoughts. "

I need to breath oxygen and drink water. But I can survive without food for a couple of weeks and survive without sex forever. Does it work like that for you too?

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By *ugby 123Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Spending time with your girlfriend instead of thinking when the next bit of sex with be always pay dividends.

A woman normally feels sexy when she isn't tired or feeling neglected.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I've been on here a while now.and made some good friends and met some fantastic people. I got in a relationship January 2015. My partner knows I'm still on here as I've been totally honest with her. The problem is I have a incredibly high sex drive, but she doesn't. In fact it's more like she never wants it. I'm not one to cheat but it's getting really difficult. I really love her but I need sex. We all do right? We have spoken about it but she just says I'm not in the mood. Plus we have a baby too so I'm not leaving her.

Ladies and gents I'd love to hear your thoughts.

I need to breath oxygen and drink water. But I can survive without food for a couple of weeks and survive without sex forever. Does it work like that for you too?"

All humans need sex. It's literally hardwired into us and the way our societies work. It's the same as saying you don't need a house, or a job, or meaning because you won't die without any of those.

I have actually gotten messages about this now, I just pity the ignorance.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I've been on here a while now.and made some good friends and met some fantastic people. I got in a relationship January 2015. My partner knows I'm still on here as I've been totally honest with her. The problem is I have a incredibly high sex drive, but she doesn't. In fact it's more like she never wants it. I'm not one to cheat but it's getting really difficult. I really love her but I need sex. We all do right? We have spoken about it but she just says I'm not in the mood. Plus we have a baby too so I'm not leaving her.

Ladies and gents I'd love to hear your thoughts.

I need to breath oxygen and drink water. But I can survive without food for a couple of weeks and survive without sex forever. Does it work like that for you too?

All humans need sex. It's literally hardwired into us and the way our societies work. It's the same as saying you don't need a house, or a job, or meaning because you won't die without any of those.

I have actually gotten messages about this now, I just pity the ignorance."

However, at times in life, sex does and should take a back seat to other needs first. If a need for sex outweighs the need to care for and make your family the number one priority then that is the pity, not ignorance.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I've been on here a while now.and made some good friends and met some fantastic people. I got in a relationship January 2015. My partner knows I'm still on here as I've been totally honest with her. The problem is I have a incredibly high sex drive, but she doesn't. In fact it's more like she never wants it. I'm not one to cheat but it's getting really difficult. I really love her but I need sex. We all do right? We have spoken about it but she just says I'm not in the mood. Plus we have a baby too so I'm not leaving her.

Ladies and gents I'd love to hear your thoughts. "

If she don't want sex and your not wanting to leave her you only have one choice, accept this is your life and live with it

You can't talk somebody into having a sex drive, some people just don't enjoy or want sex you can't change that, just like you can't tone yours down you can't turn her up

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By *aughtySexualArousal OP   Man  over a year ago

SPALDING

I'd just like to clear a few things up. She is not one for being pampered or being fussed over. She hates it. I do a lot for her and our child. I don't just sit back and let her do everything. I'm not pestering her for sex either but if I don't try she will probably try once every two months. I'm not cheating as haven't met anyone on here since being with her she knows I'm here to talk with people I've met. I've even just took a 8k pay cut to spend more time at home.

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By *osieWoman  over a year ago

Wembley


"I've been on here a while now.and made some good friends and met some fantastic people. I got in a relationship January 2015. My partner knows I'm still on here as I've been totally honest with her. The problem is I have a incredibly high sex drive, but she doesn't. In fact it's more like she never wants it. I'm not one to cheat but it's getting really difficult. I really love her but I need sex. We all do right? We have spoken about it but she just says I'm not in the mood. Plus we have a baby too so I'm not leaving her.

Ladies and gents I'd love to hear your thoughts.

I need to breath oxygen and drink water. But I can survive without food for a couple of weeks and survive without sex forever. Does it work like that for you too?

All humans need sex. It's literally hardwired into us and the way our societies work. It's the same as saying you don't need a house, or a job, or meaning because you won't die without any of those.

I have actually gotten messages about this now, I just pity the ignorance."

No, some or even most humans, may need sex. Not all do!!!

Sex for me, is a nice to have. I have had more than one period in my life when I did not have sex for years on end. My life was not adversely affected at all

By all means justify your need to have sex with others than your partner. But it makes people look silly when they try to gain support and absolution by turning sex into a 'must have'

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I'd just like to clear a few things up. She is not one for being pampered or being fussed over. She hates it. I do a lot for her and our child. I don't just sit back and let her do everything. I'm not pestering her for sex either but if I don't try she will probably try once every two months. I'm not cheating as haven't met anyone on here since being with her she knows I'm here to talk with people I've met. I've even just took a 8k pay cut to spend more time at home."

But your opening message was all about your high sex drive and how you have to have it!

So now your here just to talk to people.!

Face the truth you're here to try and get the sex that your not getting at home, sympathy maybe!

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By *ugby 123Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo


"I'd just like to clear a few things up. She is not one for being pampered or being fussed over. She hates it. I do a lot for her and our child. I don't just sit back and let her do everything. I'm not pestering her for sex either but if I don't try she will probably try once every two months. I'm not cheating as haven't met anyone on here since being with her she knows I'm here to talk with people I've met. I've even just took a 8k pay cut to spend more time at home."

So what changed for her not to want sex, have you discussed it with her?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"She is probably exhausted, having a baby is hard work, physically and mentally.

"

OP you've only been with her for 15 months, so your baby can't be more than a few months old.

Does her lack of sex drive coincide with being, heavily pregnant and then a new mother by any chance?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I've been on here a while now.and made some good friends and met some fantastic people. I got in a relationship January 2015. My partner knows I'm still on here as I've been totally honest with her. The problem is I have a incredibly high sex drive, but she doesn't. In fact it's more like she never wants it. I'm not one to cheat but it's getting really difficult. I really love her but I need sex. We all do right? We have spoken about it but she just says I'm not in the mood. Plus we have a baby too so I'm not leaving her.

Ladies and gents I'd love to hear your thoughts.

I need to breath oxygen and drink water. But I can survive without food for a couple of weeks and survive without sex forever. Does it work like that for you too?

All humans need sex. It's literally hardwired into us and the way our societies work. It's the same as saying you don't need a house, or a job, or meaning because you won't die without any of those.

I have actually gotten messages about this now, I just pity the ignorance.

No, some or even most humans, may need sex. Not all do!!!

Sex for me, is a nice to have. I have had more than one period in my life when I did not have sex for years on end. My life was not adversely affected at all

By all means justify your need to have sex with others than your partner. But it makes people look silly when they try to gain support and absolution by turning sex into a 'must have'"

The polarity of this argument confuses me.

It was this way with me therefore it must be this way with everyone.

More so the only thing I am advocating is transparency. If you are in a relationship and have high sex drive which coincides with needing sex (which also btw is different between the two sexes), you should probably let your partner know. Being in a couple means dealing with problems together.

As for the birds and the bees talk, I know asexual males and very sexual males, however in men after puberty you generally need sex and it only wanes when injured, sick, traumatised, when older, so on. Testosterone keeps us constantly on edge and it does ebb and flow during the month same as women however does not drop as drastically.

In women it's an entirely different mechanic due to variety of reasons, however the primary one being related to mentality since sex and orgasms are considerably more psychological elements.

In both however you do need sex, as lack of sex generally has negative hormonal effects, as we are herd animals and sex is a social activity.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Op wouldn't the fact you having sex with another woman make her feel even worse about herself. Most not all women do not feel great about themselves after having a baby their tired,emotional some suffer with post natal depression and don't feel sexy in themselves so wouldn't you seeking sex elsewhere add to her insecurity. I would suggest you talk to her about this and she may accept you have a higher sex drive then her and give you her blessing in releasing some of your pent up frustrations she may even be having anxiety about that knowing she can't satisfy you in that way but honesty is best policy and it sounds like you have a pretty honest relationship

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

You could open your relationship and be polyamorous instead of monogamous. How would she feel about having relationships with other people as well as yourself?

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By *exymatcplMan  over a year ago

doncaster


"I've been on here a while now.and made some good friends and met some fantastic people. I got in a relationship January 2015. My partner knows I'm still on here as I've been totally honest with her. The problem is I have a incredibly high sex drive, but she doesn't. In fact it's more like she never wants it. I'm not one to cheat but it's getting really difficult. I really love her but I need sex. We all do right? We have spoken about it but she just says I'm not in the mood. Plus we have a baby too so I'm not leaving her.

Ladies and gents I'd love to hear your thoughts. "

Sorry mate but like most say a new baby means a tired woman who has no interest in sex it'll return have a wank and don't ruin your relationship

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By *osieWoman  over a year ago

Wembley


"I've been on here a while now.and made some good friends and met some fantastic people. I got in a relationship January 2015. My partner knows I'm still on here as I've been totally honest with her. The problem is I have a incredibly high sex drive, but she doesn't. In fact it's more like she never wants it. I'm not one to cheat but it's getting really difficult. I really love her but I need sex. We all do right? We have spoken about it but she just says I'm not in the mood. Plus we have a baby too so I'm not leaving her.

Ladies and gents I'd love to hear your thoughts.

I need to breath oxygen and drink water. But I can survive without food for a couple of weeks and survive without sex forever. Does it work like that for you too?

All humans need sex. It's literally hardwired into us and the way our societies work. It's the same as saying you don't need a house, or a job, or meaning because you won't die without any of those.

I have actually gotten messages about this now, I just pity the ignorance.

No, some or even most humans, may need sex. Not all do!!!

Sex for me, is a nice to have. I have had more than one period in my life when I did not have sex for years on end. My life was not adversely affected at all

By all means justify your need to have sex with others than your partner. But it makes people look silly when they try to gain support and absolution by turning sex into a 'must have'

The polarity of this argument confuses me.

It was this way with me therefore it must be this way with everyone.

More so the only thing I am advocating is transparency. If you are in a relationship and have high sex drive which coincides with needing sex (which also btw is different between the two sexes), you should probably let your partner know. Being in a couple means dealing with problems together.

As for the birds and the bees talk, I know asexual males and very sexual males, however in men after puberty you generally need sex and it only wanes when injured, sick, traumatised, when older, so on. Testosterone keeps us constantly on edge and it does ebb and flow during the month same as women however does not drop as drastically.

In women it's an entirely different mechanic due to variety of reasons, however the primary one being related to mentality since sex and orgasms are considerably more psychological elements.

In both however you do need sex, as lack of sex generally has negative hormonal effects, as we are herd animals and sex is a social activity. "

The polarity of your argument indeed confused me. You, few, many or most might need sex for survival; but to suggest that ALL do, is just plain silly

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

It's hard I don't want sex when my baby was small

No can't get enough

Being on here is better than an affair or there are people you can pay

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By *aughtySexualArousal OP   Man  over a year ago

SPALDING

It's probably like the most of you have said. It's probably to do with having our child. I will ask. Thank you

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By *ezebelWoman  over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest


"It's probably like the most of you have said. It's probably to do with having our child. I will ask. Thank you"

Good luck, hope it all works out for the 3 of you

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By *uke olovingmanMan  over a year ago

Gravesend

This isn't supposed to come over nasty.. I'd get involved with looking after and enjoying the new baby if I were you... The love of a father for his child is a beautiful thing.. I resented my first child and regret that time I can never get back again... Two more children.. Three grandchildren later and I look at my partners child with amused and wondering eyes .. I'm sure in time your wife will be the sexual partner she once was .. Just be there for her and your family

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By *buse my girlfriendCouple  over a year ago

Derby

I don't understand men that say they cheat because they're not getting sex at home, if it were me I'd happily wank every night than risk losing an otherwise wonderful relationship and hurting everyone around me.

Kris.

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By *icecouple561Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex


"I don't understand men that say they cheat because they're not getting sex at home, if it were me I'd happily wank every night than risk losing an otherwise wonderful relationship and hurting everyone around me.

Kris."

I often think it isn't the actual sex but the affection and intimacy that people crave.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

im sure every mother here would say they were tired with a young baby to care for -

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By *ischief ManagedCouple  over a year ago

manchester

Hormones op all she will be focused on is baby and some rest. Takes quite a while to settle down again it did in our relationship anyway.There hard work both mentally and physically so dont worry about it, its not she has gone off you or having sex its just her brain is somewhere else.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I've been on here a while now.and made some good friends and met some fantastic people. I got in a relationship January 2015. My partner knows I'm still on here as I've been totally honest with her. The problem is I have a incredibly high sex drive, but she doesn't. In fact it's more like she never wants it. I'm not one to cheat but it's getting really difficult. I really love her but I need sex. We all do right? We have spoken about it but she just says I'm not in the mood. Plus we have a baby too so I'm not leaving her.

Ladies and gents I'd love to hear your thoughts.

I need to breath oxygen and drink water. But I can survive without food for a couple of weeks and survive without sex forever. Does it work like that for you too?

All humans need sex. It's literally hardwired into us and the way our societies work. It's the same as saying you don't need a house, or a job, or meaning because you won't die without any of those.

I have actually gotten messages about this now, I just pity the ignorance.

No, some or even most humans, may need sex. Not all do!!!

Sex for me, is a nice to have. I have had more than one period in my life when I did not have sex for years on end. My life was not adversely affected at all

By all means justify your need to have sex with others than your partner. But it makes people look silly when they try to gain support and absolution by turning sex into a 'must have'

The polarity of this argument confuses me.

It was this way with me therefore it must be this way with everyone.

More so the only thing I am advocating is transparency. If you are in a relationship and have high sex drive which coincides with needing sex (which also btw is different between the two sexes), you should probably let your partner know. Being in a couple means dealing with problems together.

As for the birds and the bees talk, I know asexual males and very sexual males, however in men after puberty you generally need sex and it only wanes when injured, sick, traumatised, when older, so on. Testosterone keeps us constantly on edge and it does ebb and flow during the month same as women however does not drop as drastically.

In women it's an entirely different mechanic due to variety of reasons, however the primary one being related to mentality since sex and orgasms are considerably more psychological elements.

In both however you do need sex, as lack of sex generally has negative hormonal effects, as we are herd animals and sex is a social activity.

The polarity of your argument indeed confused me. You, few, many or most might need sex for survival; but to suggest that ALL do, is just plain silly"

Dismissive behaviour is indicative of this topic relating to your own personal issues and struggles with sex. Issues I do not want to delve in.

However a simple Google search would enlighten you about human psychology and what we classify as a need.

Metabolic needs have nothing to do with this but people that survive by only satisfying metabolic needs are the people that are in a vegatitive state. Anyone with an active brain has psychological needs.

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By *lorious hole bs16Man  over a year ago

Bristol

Some real good advice on here.

I think what comes over is about Priorities..

Sex is not compulsory.I imagine you know the answer to your dilemma and would like to hear someone say; " cheating is understandable in your situation"

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By *osieWoman  over a year ago

Wembley


"I've been on here a while now.and made some good friends and met some fantastic people. I got in a relationship January 2015. My partner knows I'm still on here as I've been totally honest with her. The problem is I have a incredibly high sex drive, but she doesn't. In fact it's more like she never wants it. I'm not one to cheat but it's getting really difficult. I really love her but I need sex. We all do right? We have spoken about it but she just says I'm not in the mood. Plus we have a baby too so I'm not leaving her.

Ladies and gents I'd love to hear your thoughts.

I need to breath oxygen and drink water. But I can survive without food for a couple of weeks and survive without sex forever. Does it work like that for you too?

All humans need sex. It's literally hardwired into us and the way our societies work. It's the same as saying you don't need a house, or a job, or meaning because you won't die without any of those.

I have actually gotten messages about this now, I just pity the ignorance.

No, some or even most humans, may need sex. Not all do!!!

Sex for me, is a nice to have. I have had more than one period in my life when I did not have sex for years on end. My life was not adversely affected at all

By all means justify your need to have sex with others than your partner. But it makes people look silly when they try to gain support and absolution by turning sex into a 'must have'

The polarity of this argument confuses me.

It was this way with me therefore it must be this way with everyone.

More so the only thing I am advocating is transparency. If you are in a relationship and have high sex drive which coincides with needing sex (which also btw is different between the two sexes), you should probably let your partner know. Being in a couple means dealing with problems together.

As for the birds and the bees talk, I know asexual males and very sexual males, however in men after puberty you generally need sex and it only wanes when injured, sick, traumatised, when older, so on. Testosterone keeps us constantly on edge and it does ebb and flow during the month same as women however does not drop as drastically.

In women it's an entirely different mechanic due to variety of reasons, however the primary one being related to mentality since sex and orgasms are considerably more psychological elements.

In both however you do need sex, as lack of sex generally has negative hormonal effects, as we are herd animals and sex is a social activity.

The polarity of your argument indeed confused me. You, few, many or most might need sex for survival; but to suggest that ALL do, is just plain silly

Dismissive behaviour is indicative of this topic relating to your own personal issues and struggles with sex. Issues I do not want to delve in.

However a simple Google search would enlighten you about human psychology and what we classify as a need.

Metabolic needs have nothing to do with this but people that survive by only satisfying metabolic needs are the people that are in a vegatitive state. Anyone with an active brain has psychological needs. "

\

So, in your quest to include ALL humanity for the sake of your unproven argument, you have concluded that those who do not feel this base animal instinct at all times have issues and problems. Wunderbar

I do not have to "struggle" with sex. I was simply not prepared to jump into bed with just about any gormless idjit who happened to be within 5 parsecs of myself. I guess, you would never have this issue; anything will and does, do

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By *olfcartweaselCouple  over a year ago

Melrose

While I was pregnant my sex drive was down the toilet (and I was scared to have it anyway because of miscarriage paranoia) so I gave J a very specific hall pass to play solo as long as he agreed to abide by the rules I laid down.

It worked for us.

Baby is almost 12 weeks and (as I assume I'm not breast feeding) my libido is back

If your missus is feeding the baby herself then her libido is hormonally repressed and she's no doubt exhausted too.

Good luck x

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By *uke olovingmanMan  over a year ago

Gravesend


"While I was pregnant my sex drive was down the toilet (and I was scared to have it anyway because of miscarriage paranoia) so I gave J a very specific hall pass to play solo as long as he agreed to abide by the rules I laid down.

It worked for us.

Baby is almost 12 weeks and (as I assume I'm not breast feeding) my libido is back

If your missus is feeding the baby herself then her libido is hormonally repressed and she's no doubt exhausted too.

Good luck x"

congratulations.. What a great attitude ... Little hugs for your babe too

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I didn't have sex for two years after I gave birth!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"When you have a new baby you feel too tired. Vulnerable and usually at your least attractive. Sex isn't on your mind until you start to feel like you again.

I'd suggest you take the focus of you needing sex and doing things to make her feel better. Run her baths. Give a massage without her thinking it's because you want sex. Tell her how much you love her. How special it is to have a child together. Sooner or later her desires might return. It's not her problem. I don't think being on a sex site will be helping either.

Work on building up intimacy again . Not getting sex. "

Simply put but really good advice.

Can't stress enough how much a baby takes over your life and becomes the priority, which can leave you feeling really tired and you might even lose a part of yourself in the process. All of a sudden you've gone from being you to being mum with all the responsibilities of that.

Make sure you help out too, not just with the baby but with housework, bottle prep, anything where she can get enough rest and time to be herself again. And to help make her appreciate you.

If you're busy looking for a fuck while she's tired and doing everything then you'll probably split up.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

http://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/netmums-coffeehouse-archives-528/lets-talk-about-sex-netmums-online-sex-clinic-638/383119-loss-libido.html

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a564548/dads-how-to-rekindle-your-sex-life-after-a-baby

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By *aughtySexualArousal OP   Man  over a year ago

SPALDING

Thanks for your help and advice. We sat down last night and she said it's been like it since she has had our child.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Thanks for your help and advice. We sat down last night and she said it's been like it since she has had our child. "

To be fair, you dated for what, three months before she got pregnant?

The first few months of any relationship you have what's known as New Relationship Energy. It's that bit where you can't wait to see each other and you fuck like rabbits the whole time. You've been seeing each other now for just over a year - aside from the fact that she's been pregnant for over half your relationship and is now nursing a young child so is likely to be totally fucking knackered - you've also not got NRE anymore.

It's utterly normal to calm down and have less sex after six months or a year. You get used to each other, you become more comfortable around each other, and you know - sometimes life just gets in the way.

I have a vastly different sex drive to any of my partners - it's one of the reason I don't do monogamy. I would happily have sex three times a day without fail, but none of my partners are like that at all. I'd urge you to discuss non-monogamy with your partner. It utterly changed my world and made it so that I didn't have to creep around on sex sites and have affairs behind my partners back.

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By *manda63Woman  over a year ago

Southampton


"My advice would be help more in the home take the baby out and get wife to have some sleep.

Fill a nice bath after baby goes to sleep give her a back massage and foot rub. snuggle up with her and dont expect sex you can wank after all.

There are times in life when sex takes 2nd place. She will get her libido back eventually. Considering sex with others is a real betrayal. Just deal with it yourself and get back to being a loving father and husband.

(well you did ask ) "

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I've been on here a while now.and made some good friends and met some fantastic people. I got in a relationship January 2015. My partner knows I'm still on here as I've been totally honest with her. The problem is I have a incredibly high sex drive, but she doesn't. In fact it's more like she never wants it. I'm not one to cheat but it's getting really difficult. I really love her but I need sex. We all do right? We have spoken about it but she just says I'm not in the mood. Plus we have a baby too so I'm not leaving her.

Ladies and gents I'd love to hear your thoughts. "

So your partner has very recently had your baby and your whining that you're not getting enough?

Grow up

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I don't understand men that say they cheat because they're not getting sex at home, if it were me I'd happily wank every night than risk losing an otherwise wonderful relationship and hurting everyone around me.

Kris.

I often think it isn't the actual sex but the affection and intimacy that people crave."

And sometimes, and I am not insinuating this is every man or woman, but a partner only shows intimacy and a desire to cuddle and just kiss, when he or she wants sex.

I speak from experience when I say that when I was not in the mood for sex, especially after I had my child, I would shy away from intimacy with my ex because I knew it meant he only wanted sex.

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By *eeriseWoman  over a year ago

Manchester and that's all you need to know


"I've been on here a while now.and made some good friends and met some fantastic people. I got in a relationship January 2015. My partner knows I'm still on here as I've been totally honest with her. The problem is I have a incredibly high sex drive, but she doesn't. In fact it's more like she never wants it. I'm not one to cheat but it's getting really difficult. I really love her but I need sex. We all do right? We have spoken about it but she just says I'm not in the mood. Plus we have a baby too so I'm not leaving her.

Ladies and gents I'd love to hear your thoughts. "

You're not one to cheat yet you're on here looking for meets

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I've been on here a while now.and made some good friends and met some fantastic people. I got in a relationship January 2015. My partner knows I'm still on here as I've been totally honest with her. The problem is I have a incredibly high sex drive, but she doesn't. In fact it's more like she never wants it. I'm not one to cheat but it's getting really difficult. I really love her but I need sex. We all do right? We have spoken about it but she just says I'm not in the mood. Plus we have a baby too so I'm not leaving her.

Ladies and gents I'd love to hear your thoughts. "

if you want your relationship to last get help with your addiction because ultimately you will be the loser if you split your child will be at arms length

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By *icecouple561Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex


"Thanks for your help and advice. We sat down last night and she said it's been like it since she has had our child. "

That's a great start. I hope you can both move forward from that.

Long term relationships can be hard work sometimes but when it works its worth the effort.

Best of luck to all three of you.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Thanks for your help and advice. We sat down last night and she said it's been like it since she has had our child. "

that's a brilliant start to the communication, I sincerely hope it continues and you work things out together and have a very happy future as a family

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By *innamon!Woman  over a year ago

no matter

Hope it all works out well just be patient. She may even be really concerned about getting pregnant again.

I am sure she will be back to normal soon enough

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"In my opinion, the best chance you have of having sex with your missus is by making her feel sexy.

Reduce her "workload" by doing everything around the house, do as much baby stuff as you can, and always be the one who gets up in the night, or changes the nappy. If you do this, then you'll soon find that she's not so tired all the time.

The next step is to be romantic and loving, remind her of be reasons that she fell in love with you..... and more importantly, the reasons that you fell in love with her.

And finally. Don't kick her when she's down, the last thing that you need to do is to go shagging someone else even if she pretends that it's ok, it really isn't.

Cal

"

Brilliant advice and can family help by having the baby ? Or help round the house .?

Has she got postnatel depression?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Read those links I posted.. Together.. It sometimes helps knowing you aren't the only ones it's happening to

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By *risky_MareWoman  over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"I don't understand men that say they cheat because they're not getting sex at home, if it were me I'd happily wank every night than risk losing an otherwise wonderful relationship and hurting everyone around me.

Kris.

I often think it isn't the actual sex but the affection and intimacy that people crave.

And sometimes, and I am not insinuating this is every man or woman, but a partner only shows intimacy and a desire to cuddle and just kiss, when he or she wants sex.

I speak from experience when I say that when I was not in the mood for sex, especially after I had my child, I would shy away from intimacy with my ex because I knew it meant he only wanted sex.

"

Yes, that it be such a turnoff to be reduced to that in a relationship. And the other side of the coin is that sometimes nothing makes a woman desire a man more than freely offered kisses, cuddles and intimacy.

Never, ever stop kissing, cuddling and showing affection to your partner *especially* if one or the other does not want sex. It is an investment which will keep the relationship healthy for better times! !

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Thanks for your help and advice. We sat down last night and she said it's been like it since she has had our child. "

Did you find out why though? You need to find out then sort out whatever it is making her feel that way.

For me it was coz i was doing everything and i didn't want to risk pregnancy again because i'd have even less sleep, and be doing more. I told me ex this and he did nothing about it. Hence why he's the ex.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Men need sex. Not in the same way women need sex... "
How would you know this is true? You would have to have lived as both genders to know.

Anyway, should you ever venture to a club in the North West please do let me know! You've got your head screwed on right.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Take it from someone that fucked up and nearly lost everything, don't cheat. I know how your feeling, dirk works away 5 days a week and I have an extremely high sex drive. The temptation is always there but really it's not worth it.

As a woman and a mother I can see it from your mrs's point of view also. She needs to be made to feel like a princess.

In the mean time do what I do constant porn and wanking lol

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I like being made to feel like a princess too.

Just sayin

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