FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Erection Problems?
Erection Problems?
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I have no erection problems at home with my partner, but on three occcasions now I have failed to get hard with a swap partner although they are very sexy and nice girls. Any Ideas and has anyone else experienced the same?
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *-and-KCouple
over a year ago
Back of Beyond |
The problem is that us guys are expected to get a hard on at the drop of a hat, that puts lots of pressure on a guy.
Sometimes I have only managed a semi, you need to be refreshed and in no way tired, that helps, if you continue maybe a chat with your gp? Or get a hold of some erectile dysfunction medication from the internet to see if that helps keep it up for you. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I have no erection problems at home with my partner, but on three occcasions now I have failed to get hard with a swap partner although they are very sexy and nice girls. Any Ideas and has anyone else experienced the same?
"
Maybe get you partner to snog with you as the other lady takes you in hand or mouth. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It happens, and you shouldn't worry about it. If you do you'll find yourself worrying at the next meet and the same thing happening, if you know what I mean.
Perhaps start the play off with your own partner and take it from there.
It's fun, relax and enjoy!  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sounds like stage fright to me or is it with your partner you don't use condoms but with these meets you do and that can be causing it x"
or guilt,perhaps these guys arent as comfortable with swinging as they like to think they are |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
its guilt , you feel its wrong so a bit stressed about playing , but now your stressed about not getting it up , been there done that , lol i had it when started an affair , but over it now its just casual , |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Thanks to all so far. I think that it is probably a bit of all of the suggestions, so will try all of the suggestions. By the way that was with the pills lol so is probably psychological. Bloody frustrating though.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
its all in the head, i questioned my masculinity after my first party when faced with the same problem but theres no touching, love or intimacy at a party, well if your single anyhow, its wham bam thank you mam, throw into the mix the pressure to perform & hey bingo, one limp member, once you can begin to relax the blood will start to flow, i take my hat off to the real porn studs!!! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It happened to me on our first experience, but I put it down to nerves and alcohol.
Since then I haven't had any alcohol on a play meet.
It took me about 6 meets before I was able to cum though, and that was bloody frustrating |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *rmoblk4uMan
over a year ago
Plymouth London Malta |
l know what you mean but the opposite waay round
l think in my head l had been used to performing for other women and couples at meets or parties. No feelings just out and out fucking that when l did decide l had feelings for a partner l had probs with getting it up for her
lt took some effort and time (maybe put myself under unecessary pressure to please) twas scary at first but slowly got there. Keep thinking happy thoughts lol |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I met a guy a few weeks ago who just couldnt get hard, the thing is it dont really bother me as i do understand some men get nervous etc
But what really pissed me off about him was he just wouldnt accept it wouldnt get hard and give up, i spent over 4 hours working on a lost course  and every time i suggested we should give up he just got more determined it would happen if i had another go, he even tried to put a condom on it at one point saying it would get hard once it was inside me, there was no way that was going in anywhere it just wasnt happening!
In the end i got dressed and went home, not because he couldnt get hard but because i was getting really bored playing with a flacied cock that we both knew wasnt going to get hard
Had he just said look im sorry, had a chat or even did some work on me for a bit to see if that helped him i would have been ok
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I also think condoms have a big part in this for a lot of guys
Ive met quite a few men who have no problem at all getting hard and staying hard for a long time thro forplay but soon as they put a condom on it just goes and can take a while to get it back up again |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm beginning to think it's the effect I have- my last 3 meets had had that moment "
It's happened twice in three years. The first time during our social meet his cock was lifting the table, the following week we met to play: nothing. I went to the bathroom to give him a moment, next thing I know he's running down the stairs struggling into his clothes. He couldn't get out fast enough!
The second just before Christmas. Completely different: didn't seem bothered with his penile dysfunction. Kept me entertained for six hours though, and meeting again. He travelled across London in the snow: he deserves a second chance!  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
i had this on our first mfmf meet... was extreamily nervous, and i think that the more you think and worry about it the more it will happen.
best to just try to relax.
Question top the op, does it happen in a same room swap situation??? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
when we first started john got nurves at some meets .... come away felt never done his best ....... now he take viagra up all night and next morning , lol |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have no erection problems at home with my partner, but on three occcasions now I have failed to get hard with a swap partner although they are very sexy and nice girls. Any Ideas and has anyone else experienced the same?
Maybe get you partner to snog with you as the other lady takes you in hand or mouth. "
..... ~!~ You been pervin our private pic  ~!~ lol
* CreEps roUnd gRaveyArd *  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I have no erection problems at home with my partner, but on three occcasions now I have failed to get hard with a swap partner although they are very sexy and nice girls. Any Ideas and has anyone else experienced the same?
Maybe get you partner to snog with you as the other lady takes you in hand or mouth. ..... ~!~ You been pervin our private pic ~!~ lol
* CreEps roUnd gRaveyArd * "
Maaayyyybeeee..... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I'm impressed by two things on this thread.
1) The helpful non-judgemental advice given my males and females.
2) The fact that all of the ladies on the post don't seem particularly fazed by the problem and are willing to try and help.
Well done folks. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'm impressed by two things on this thread.
1) The helpful non-judgemental advice given my males and females.
2) The fact that all of the ladies on the post don't seem particularly fazed by the problem and are willing to try and help.
Well done folks. "
it happens tho and think ppl are grown up enough to know it aint their fault |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I has happend to me, but not at the start of playing, but halfway through, I was so embarrased, more at the inability to perform. I had forgotten the fact that we had already been at it for 3 hours and had had penetration 3 times.
The more you worry about it, the worse it will get, just accept that sometimes it happens.
We were able to laugh about it later and the lady concerned said she had never broken a cock before, have met since and had no problems |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
If you dont have any medical issues (physical ones) it's definitely a case of worry getting the best of you.
Take it easy, dont drink too much alcohol and make sure you are well rested. Relax and get some horny thoughts going and it will come naturally.
Good luck with it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have no erection problems at home with my partner, but on three occcasions now I have failed to get hard with a swap partner although they are very sexy and nice girls. Any Ideas and has anyone else experienced the same?
"
Perhaps you are not as at ease with the situation as you think...whatever you decide to try I hope it works for you, but my advice would be to never buy any medication from the internet....if it comes to that route of treatment, go to your GP. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Can happen to any guy at any time, I'm young, relatively fit and healthy, however on occasion it has been known to head south, for the life of me I don;t know why. Yes it is embarrassing but if you can learn to laugh these things off you may find it reappears soon enough while you enjoy other ways of pleasuring a sexual partner. 
On reasons maybe the biggest one is expectancy to perform, not only by a sexual partner, but also by one's self? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I also think condoms have a big part in this for a lot of guys
Ive met quite a few men who have no problem at all getting hard and staying hard for a long time thro forplay but soon as they put a condom on it just goes and can take a while to get it back up again"
I agree - men are used to playing bareback with their partners and then find it hard to perform when a condom comes into the mix. Saying that we still wont do bareback with others. If it happens we concentrate on oral pleasures for a while. It doesnt have to stop play
Relax knowing you are far from alone - especially in this arena
Good luck |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
I have seen it happen to guys in clubs and in a way it can be a vicious circle.. in that the fact that some people find in hard to "perform" in front of others... and then if it happens once i can imagine that the brain starts playing tricks and you get anxious and that makes the problem worse!
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eaboMan
over a year ago
marden |
have had this a couple of times. Although you feel a complete dork i think blokes beat themselves up about this whilst ladies accept it happens. Takes a while to accept its part of life and happens, but if you can stop worrying it comes together on its own. Just go with the flow and enjoy, and if it don't work just make sure the lady enjoys herself and it is easier next time. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I've not been unable to get hard but I have had the problem of not being able to cum... as you say, it ain't half frustrating!
As already said countless times in this thread, if it's for psychological reasons then it can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy. As difficult as it is, trying to relax and not think about it ("Don't think about an elephant!") is the best cure. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *nnTonCouple
over a year ago
birmingham |
Worth remembering IMHO that "Performance Anxiety" could easily be affecting BOTH parties.I certainly worry when it isn't going so well with a partner that my technique/appearance/manner/position is the cause of ~ or at least not helping ~ the problem......
Easier to have intercourse with a near stranger than to suggest an inch to the left/right or softer/faster etc???? Strange really.
On the occasions (fortunately few) when it has happened, my partner has still seemed disappointed once we had finally conceded despite all my efforts to convince him that the lovely oral/cuddle/caressing/social still made for a terrific time.....AND I genuinely meant it. From my stance (maybe particular to me? ) there is far more to sexuality than penetration.
So I've written an essay trying to say it takes two to tango and actually it may not be as important as it seems anyway. As pointed out in previous posts anticipating the difficulty could cause a self-perpetuating problem. Some honest discussion with swing partners and a bit of positive and lateral thinking hopefully will address the situation however; or we should consider a splinter site. FABCUDDLERS? I'm in. (But don't tell Sir. ...... Lol)
Tanni xxx  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
As the original poster, I am so grateful to you all for the sensible, understanding way in which you have all replied. I now know that I am not alone and there is light (and an erection) at the end (or beginning) of the tunnel.
Thanks so much and i will hopefully keep you all posted later.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Unfortunately being diabetic ,one of the side effects is erectyl disfunction and getiing an erection can be a bit hit and miss so because of this we always state soft play only wich relieves any added mental stress to the situation . You may think I am in the wrong line when it comes to having fun but so far all the couples we have swapped with have been very understanding .The one thing that has helped is I now do not drink alcahol on a meet |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
This is where fingers tongues and erotic massage come into their own....sometimes makes a great change from being shagged senseless all night. It's great to tease and be teased and tantalise with slow sensual eroticism. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *hocotreacleWoman
over a year ago
lost in the city of Atlantis |
I have quite a fair bit of experience with this and it can be frustrating, but, a hell of a lot of fun can be had without penetration....even better if the guy is bi .
On a serious note though...as some have said, the more you think about it, the worse it will get.
As a lady I get nervous and even now it take a special kinda guy to make me cum on a meet. That's perhaps why I'd rather have a great shag with someone I know (ie have met previously and consider a friend) than a shit one with a complete stranger. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *picyMan
over a year ago
dublin/kildare |
wer 2 start hav had this prob b4 on a meet an was convinced it was 2 much 2 drink,had a met last nite an got erect but cudnt hold it for long an only had 1 drink, now was a bit nervy more than usual for other reasons plus it was on my head what if i cant get hard,
feel a bit shitty bcoz it was her first mmf she stil had lots of fun an other guy was dead on an understandin but jus wish i cud relax a bit more or mayb more 4play is da answer im nt sure,
any1 hav any tips or experinced this srt of thing an how did they get over it, |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm beginning to think it's the effect I have- my last 3 meets had had that moment "
We have had similar, 2 guys blamed the cold , it wasnt even cold that night, didnt leave a verification so we were thinking it was us. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Worth remembering IMHO that "Performance Anxiety" could easily be affecting BOTH parties.I certainly worry when it isn't going so well with a partner that my technique/appearance/manner/position is the cause of ~ or at least not helping ~ the problem......
Easier to have intercourse with a near stranger than to suggest an inch to the left/right or softer/faster etc???? Strange really.
On the occasions (fortunately few) when it has happened, my partner has still seemed disappointed once we had finally conceded despite all my efforts to convince him that the lovely oral/cuddle/caressing/social still made for a terrific time.....AND I genuinely meant it. From my stance (maybe particular to me? ) there is far more to sexuality than penetration.
So I've written an essay trying to say it takes two to tango and actually it may not be as important as it seems anyway. As pointed out in previous posts anticipating the difficulty could cause a self-perpetuating problem. Some honest discussion with swing partners and a bit of positive and lateral thinking hopefully will address the situation however; or we should consider a splinter site. FABCUDDLERS? I'm in. (But don't tell Sir. ...... Lol)
Tanni xxx "
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *lexaWoman
over a year ago
southampton |
This happens a lot. Some guys don't even get as far a penetration. It's a first meet thing I think. I find that guys are more self-controlled on the second or third when they know me better. Also, I usually have a time constraint and I think that plays on their minds too. You need to get to know how a guy ticks to know what to expect. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I also think condoms have a big part in this for a lot of guys
Ive met quite a few men who have no problem at all getting hard and staying hard for a long time thro forplay but soon as they put a condom on it just goes and can take a while to get it back up again"
That's very true. Sometimes when you put them on, you just lose all sensation and feeling. It's happened to us all at some point.
Very frustrating.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eaboMan
over a year ago
marden |
"Age plays a part in this...
In my 20's I could recover in 20 mins and go and go again.
Now, 20 odd years on, it's an effort and on occasion, if the girl isn't a hottie, it shows little interest!!!"
you're doing alright mate, i need three weeks notice in triplicate and a letter from my doctor. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *wencatWoman
over a year ago
Leeds |
I think most women like the foreplay it's like viscous circle more u worry less chance of a erection it's a mind thing if it don't get hard plenty other things to do its all about enjoyment at end of the day and I love oral just as much and toys stop worrying x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think most women like the foreplay it's like viscous circle more u worry less chance of a erection it's a mind thing if it don't get hard plenty other things to do its all about enjoyment at end of the day and I love oral just as much and toys stop worrying x"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I had a situation the other week, where I couldn't stay hard, as some guy was just laid watching me have sex. The feel of just him staring put me off. Later in the evening I was fine again.
I think sometimes the pressure to act like a stud in front of others affect ones ability. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'm impressed by two things on this thread.
1) The helpful non-judgemental advice given my males and females.
2) The fact that all of the ladies on the post don't seem particularly fazed by the problem and are willing to try and help.
Well done folks. "
Yep that struck me too..
I had the same problem on our first and second meets..we never bothered again after that.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
i think most ladies coulnt care less about hardness or length! but try telling men that!
personally..... i could lick and suck a soft cock for ages.... at least then i can take it deep without gagging!
so MEN..... PLEASE believe us ... as we are THE EXPERTS .... we love u JUST THE WAY U ARE!!!!  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
we do get probs from time to time.
We work round it by hubby starting off with me then changing.
If needed he can always come back to me.
Just a shame as said before that men cant get it into there heads to get a hard on.
Just try to relax and enjoy xxx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Really, from a male perspective its the same as trying to get to sleep at night when you know you have to..the harder you try the harder it is to nod off..
Same as getting a hard on, after a while you start getting anxious and as much as you try to ignore it and relax its there in the back of your mind, eating away at you..one side of your brain is thinking, ignore it, relax it will rise..and the other side is thinking 'COME ON..COME ON!!!'
You are also conscious that the other party may be thinking 'perhaps I dont turn him on'..even though they probably aint.
Not a nice situation to be in probably even worse in a swinging environment..but it happens to the best at some point im sure.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
This happened with us on our first meet. Mark struggled to get hard. Something that had never happened to him before. Now its something that always preys on my mind at a meet and since then we wont meet a couple or a fem unless i have had a viagra/kamagra. This is just to put my.mind at rest and isn't down to needing them. Its all in your head. Find something to help you overcome it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I also think condoms have a big part in this for a lot of guys
Ive met quite a few men who have no problem at all getting hard and staying hard for a long time thro forplay but soon as they put a condom on it just goes and can take a while to get it back up again
That's very true. Sometimes when you put them on, you just lose all sensation and feeling. It's happened to us all at some point.
Very frustrating.
"
utter BS, nothing but lousy excuse not to use condoms
it's all in your head!! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I also think condoms have a big part in this for a lot of guys
Ive met quite a few men who have no problem at all getting hard and staying hard for a long time thro forplay but soon as they put a condom on it just goes and can take a while to get it back up again
That's very true. Sometimes when you put them on, you just lose all sensation and feeling. It's happened to us all at some point.
Very frustrating.
utter BS, nothing but lousy excuse not to use condoms
it's all in your head!!"
no its not BS a lot of guys have this problem from time to time not seen anyone saying so i just take it off and go bare back it happens |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"no its not BS a lot of guys have this problem from time to time not seen anyone saying so i just take it off and go bare back it happens "
Everyone can has a problem from time to time. It happens to me too. Reason is simple - being nervous.
But utter BS is blaming condoms. And my previous comment was about this exactly. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
never happened before to me till few weeks ago on a meet with a couple,
i think something just felt wrong she was mid 20s much younger than anyone before i been with before , not much older than my kids.
i always played within 10 years my own age before and it just felt wrong and soft it went lol |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
