FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Anybody else find that....?
Anybody else find that....?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So I've been here for a little while and noticed something and I wondered if anybody else had the same. I reckon it happens to a few males on here so I'd like to know if it happens to couples or females.
When I first joined I saw some absolutely gorgeous couples and singles and obviously tried my luck with absolutely no positive returns. After a few weeks of this I started winking and messaging some singles and couples that I wouldn't necessarily be too keen on meeting were it not for the fact I thought this would give me better odds.
Before starting an attack on me Im not judging by looks I just mean people that match what I would like and with similar interests different people find different things attractive. My definition of gorgeous includes a cracking sense of humour.
Have other people found themselves constantly changing their goal posts to find meets? Or changing their profile and trying to be someone different just to get a catch? X |
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By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago
London |
I've seen that with some men on here. I've seen the type of women or couples they have met, usually attractive and thought he must be worth meeting, message him and he deletes my message, sometimes without reading it 
A few months later, he hasn't had a meet for a while and ends up messaging me. Now I suppose their standards are slipping  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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If you're counting yourself as slipped standards I'd love to see their starting point!
And it's not easy for men on here of you get a message from a woman even if you aren't interested you should reply it only puts you in a good standing x |
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By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago
London |
"If you're counting yourself as slipped standards I'd love to see their starting point!
And it's not easy for men on here of you get a message from a woman even if you aren't interested you should reply it only puts you in a good standing x"
So... you would meet with a women you weren't attracted to for a verification? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nice of you to be honest and you confirmed what some people suspect on here about dropping standards to get meets.
Not dropped mine but i'm finding it hard to be shallow if i'm honest and not really enjoying meeting shallow people. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Yes but not necessarily a meet with fun, its not a bad thing to have a conversation with someone and sometimes after talking an attraction builds. I'd do social meets for a verification with someone I had a good rapport with even if I wasn't attracted to them x |
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By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago
London |
"Yes but not necessarily a meet with fun, its not a bad thing to have a conversation with someone and sometimes after talking an attraction builds. I'd do social meets for a verification with someone I had a good rapport with even if I wasn't attracted to them x"
Okay, well yeah social meets are great too, obviously to prove you are indeed you and are genuine. But what you initially posted entailed dropping standards. If I'm meeting someone for a social meet that I wasn't attracted to, I wouldn't call that dropping standards. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Not dropped mine but i'm finding it hard to be shallow if i'm honest and not really enjoying meeting shallow people."
It is really hard to be shallow on a site where there are so many good and decent humans! I understand to an extent where there are shallow people as it as sex site and there does need to be an attraction but there are good and bad ways to go about it x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Okay, well yeah social meets are great too, obviously to prove you are indeed you and are genuine. But what you initially posted entailed dropping standards. If I'm meeting someone for a social meet that I wasn't attracted to, I wouldn't call that dropping standards."
I get what you're saying but I wouldn't do meets for verifications there are just points where you want some fun and that canbe where standards drops. Everyone's been in a club at the end of the night when you fancy a snuggle before bed and possibly need to drop your standards to get that x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not dropped mine but i'm finding it hard to be shallow if i'm honest and not really enjoying meeting shallow people.
It is really hard to be shallow on a site where there are so many good and decent humans! I understand to an extent where there are shallow people as it as sex site and there does need to be an attraction but there are good and bad ways to go about it x"
It's not hard, just disappointing mostly. But longer i'm on here the more fussy i get coz of it. Was enjoying it until i had a blip and fucked off most of my fbs. |
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By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago
London |
"
Okay, well yeah social meets are great too, obviously to prove you are indeed you and are genuine. But what you initially posted entailed dropping standards. If I'm meeting someone for a social meet that I wasn't attracted to, I wouldn't call that dropping standards.
I get what you're saying but I wouldn't do meets for verifications there are just points where you want some fun and that canbe where standards drops. Everyone's been in a club at the end of the night when you fancy a snuggle before bed and possibly need to drop your standards to get that x"
I've never pulled at a regular club so I wouldn't know about that, but going to swinger clubs I tend to go with a guy or at a venue I know guys I have been talking to will go to that night.
I don't think I've lowered my standards, but my standards are pretty broad. The day I decide to have fun with someone who doesn't turn me on the slightest, but is what is only on offer to me, is the day I lose my self respect if I start to think like that.
I have had fun with people who I thought I was attracted to, but the sex was awful that I have to end it immediately and that changed how I looked at them. But that's another story.  |
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By *lighty1Woman
over a year ago
You Dont Need to Know, right now |
" Have other people found themselves constantly changing their goal posts to find meets? Or changing their profile and trying to be someone different just to get a catch? X"
OP Are you asking if couples/females drop their standards in order to find a meet? I can only answer for myself, but no, I would never drop my standards to find a meet. That said, my expectations are very reasonable. I have a good fix on where I stand on the attractive-ness scale, and I expect that I will meet men who are similar.
Don't get me wrong, I see some profiles of ripped 20-something hunks, and I can admire their pics. But I wouldn't expect them to want to meet a chubby 53-year-old woman. And, to be honest, if they said they did want to meet me, I would suspect that they were just desperate for a shag (Desperation is never attractive!)
But I'm not desperate, I won't meet someone I don't find attractive. I have too much self-respect. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No, I wouldn't lower my standards to meet someone.
Sometimes I change what I'm looking for, but I wouldn't suggest that is lowering my standards - I'm just looking for something different. |
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"I've seen that with some men on here. I've seen the type of women or couples they have met, usually attractive and thought he must be worth meeting, message him and he deletes my message, sometimes without reading it
A few months later, he hasn't had a meet for a while and ends up messaging me. Now I suppose their standards are slipping "
^ This, with me too! Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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""Swingers" are more at ease with "real life"???
Operation scars, dodgy joints, all the saggy / droopy / stretched / floppy / dangling, etc.
Welcome to the majority experience?!"
Agreed.
I think as well we are all our own worse critics and don't always see ourselves as others do.
Sarah |
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"Nice of you to be honest and you confirmed what some people suspect on here about dropping standards to get meets.
Not dropped mine but i'm finding it hard to be shallow if i'm honest and not really enjoying meeting shallow people."
Yup, I feel that way, it does not arouse me.  |
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By *habsMan
over a year ago
Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex |
I'm not sure, I think I went the opposite way ie when the first joined I was a kid in a candy shop (everything and anything on offer), but years later and being more discerning, I find a few "punishing" me over past choices: "oh you played with such and such 10 years ago, you're obviously not fussy so no thanks". Lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We've found the total opposite tbh.
There are LOADS of good looking idiots on this site so we now require someone to be at interesting and well as alright on the eyes.
No problems ing out the ones we know we will never play with so far, Id say our standards have gone up and all the better for it 
M&M |
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By *onyneMan
over a year ago
Newcastle |
I find it's good to meet people who are bright and have a good sense of humour...The other stuff happens naturally after that. If you are likely to meet more than once or twice then these are the things that seem most important to me.
Good thread this...really enjoyed reading people's thoughts on the subject, and pleased it was taken in right way from original poster's opening... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For us , we find that the whole standards thing is a very flexible yardstick .
There are plenty of profiles which don't attract us at all , and when at parties / clubs / dogging again there are plenty we aren't interested in .
However , there are times when in the zone , that it doesn't really matter that much . Like an orgy in a public room at a club , or a group session at a party and on occasion whilst dogging ( as long as guys don't expect Sabrina to let them touch her etc.... ) .
And yes , there have been occasions where we have looked back and said to each other " we did that ? "
But if it felt OK to do it at the time then it's all good . We don't have any regrets , ever .
It's just about the fun at the time , and that fun comes in a whole host of different scenarios with a very diverse range of playmates  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have other people found themselves constantly changing their goal posts to find meets? Or changing their profile and trying to be someone different just to get a catch? X"
We haven't necessarily moved our goalposts but when we first joined the site we would judge every profile exactly as it read, and would only message people who ticked every box and with the exact same interests as us...now we will sometimes message people whose interests differ slightly to ours on the off chance that when we speak we have more in common than is immediately obvious.
Sasha x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nice of you to be honest and you confirmed what some people suspect on here about dropping standards to get meets.
Not dropped mine but i'm finding it hard to be shallow if i'm honest and not really enjoying meeting shallow people.
Yup, I feel that way, it does not arouse me. "
It can work for me if done right, like the guy wants to meet up regular or chats to me a little in between. If they only talk about sex it puts me off them as well and i block them, it's boring and they come off as socially inept (although as a sex addict i do get why they're like that).
I'm not expecting dating, romance or any of that shit obviously, but too many guys think they have to only make a little effort (or worse can mess you about) once they've 'got in there' with you. I don't want to feel like a convenience for them, i'm not an emotionally dead object. I feel kind of sad that some people view others like this and they should expect a one off really, and i don't mind crap one offs coz i know i'm not gonna be as compatible as i first thought with some people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've seen that with some men on here. I've seen the type of women or couples they have met, usually attractive and thought he must be worth meeting, message him and he deletes my message, sometimes without reading it
A few months later, he hasn't had a meet for a while and ends up messaging me. Now I suppose their standards are slipping
^ This, with me too! Lol "
Oddly enough on another thread when I mentioned guys messaging me a few months later, the comment was something on the lines that 'I wasn't their type then but I am now' because people change their type, in other words what they didn't fancy one month they'd fancy the next month. And people felt I should meet them and didn't understand why I wouldn't |
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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago
a quandary, could you change my mind? |
"Nice of you to be honest and you confirmed what some people suspect on here about dropping standards to get meets.
Not dropped mine but i'm finding it hard to be shallow if i'm honest and not really enjoying meeting shallow people.
Yup, I feel that way, it does not arouse me. "
On first joining I thought that it wouldn't matter, but I've learnt more about myself and that I would never drop my standards even when offered on a plate, I'd rather go without than think why on earth did I just do that.
I know what I want and only that will suffice
As for interests since being on the site well they are developing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I first joined the site I did what I thought I was supposed to do - had sex almost for the sake of it - with nice but 'nothing special' people (not talking looks - talking lack of real connection!)
Frankly I felt like a slag!
I loved the social and friendship side of swinging though - and decided that if I was to continue swinging I'd have sex a lot less often - with people I'd happily spend time with in the real world - Ie attractive, good body and great personality !
Since I started doing this I've only ever had great meets! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm a self confessed shit swinger. I use the forums, never look elsewhere. I'm attracted to less than a handfull of people and I'm so frightened of disappointing them that i'd never make them go to the effort of meeting me. Shit happens. I love my wife and my kids. And god help them, they love me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For a "meet" then definitely not. I can't see any point in dropping my standards....I never have done and I'm not starting now.
For chat/banter etc...then to be honest I don't have standards as I treat everyone as equally as I can. I have, however, politely said no when meets for fun have been suggested. If there is no attraction, then there is no point! |
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