FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Are my boundaries to tight?

Are my boundaries to tight?

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Hello you lovely lot.... Me and the hubby have been on before so this isn't our 1st account, but they pretty much said the same thing. I'm sending messages to women looking for couples and just not getting anything back. I wondered if it's because of my boundaries being too tight

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Good luck unicorn hunting.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I had the same dilemma with my ex and another man. It turned out well because she always made me feel like I was number one. We had lots of couples after that and a few single guys but couples are always good as everything is equal. He will have 2 women but you will have two men and a woman. Good communication is the key. Good luck

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By *riskynriskyCouple over a year ago

Essex.

Stick to your boundaries until you are happy to change them. Other wise it will lead to regret...

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By *ohnjones3210Man over a year ago

Chester

Unfortunately, you're looking for something very rare.

It could be seen as selfish yes. However. It's your choice. Live by your own rules and do as your heart says.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your'e not being selfish, but single women have a lot to choose from on the site, and if you ask a girl from a couple then they will say similar to what you have stated on your own profile "they play as a couple", guys aren't always keen on just watching without getting involved. I'd say try a club and see if you can meet someone there who might be up for it,it's usually easier than arranging meets on here.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Can you explain why you want your husband there and don't want to meet a woman alone,if she's not getting the cock that is present?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Unfortunately, you're looking for something very rare.

It could be seen as selfish yes. However. It's your choice. Live by your own rules and do as your heart says.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hello you lovely lot.... Me and the hubby have been on before so this isn't our 1st account, but they pretty much said the same thing. I'm sending messages to women looking for couples and just not getting anything back. I wondered if it's because of my boundaries being too tight

You're not being selfish

id be the same if it was me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We all have our boundaries and if that is yours then that's fair enough.

However, a lot (not all) single bi fems don't like the idea of a man just watching them with another lady, like they are putting on a performance for the benefit of the man. This is a massive reason i personally dont meet couples alone without my partner. Also, they do like the involvement of the man with them as well as yourself, to what extent is obviously up to you and then.

This is not to say you won't find a bi-fem to join you, it may just be harder to do so as you are limiting your demographic. Perhaps clubs may be an option to try

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What you are looking for would be fine with us, although we're too far away lol! We're easy going and respect people's boundaries. If we got to play with hubby, that would just be a bonus. We don't think that you are asking for anything that unusual.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's not really a 3 some if one person doesn't join in.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As a single F, I wouldn't meet to play in front of the hubby unless he was playing too. I don't want to put on a show for him. I would meet you separately tho

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thankyou for all your comments.

I'd let him join just as and when I feel comfy enough for it, which I know In the heat of the moment I would. But I don't want to trick women into thinking it would be full on straight away. In other words I'd like to take things slow, with him just playing with me first. So the both of them playing with me and me being the focus to start with xx

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By *apillonNoirWoman over a year ago

There...

As long as you're clear on your profile and in your messages what you're looking for, I don't see an issue. its not what I'm looking for but I'm sure there's someone on here who is just what you're looking for. Good luck and have fun.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

By the way - I also agree with OP's current status message "why can't people reply with a simple no thanks"

I understand it if someone clearly hasn't made any effort but I take the time to read a profile and draft a message and would really appreciate the simple thanks but no thanks!

I'll step off my soap box now, thank you

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By *ethnmelvCouple over a year ago

Cardiff

"Thankyou for all your comments.

Why don't you try soft swing? We met a lovely couple at AbFabs and chatted for a while liked what we heard and saw and then went to a room. The two guys kind of watched and gently stroked while the girls had a great time - it was incredibly sexy! This might be easier than finding a unicorn!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"As a single F, I wouldn't meet to play in front of the hubby unless he was playing too. I don't want to put on a show for him. I would meet you separately tho

Oh he would be playing. Only with me to begin with tho and that's what I think women don't like.

Aww

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As a single F, I wouldn't meet to play in front of the hubby unless he was playing too. I don't want to put on a show for him. I would meet you separately tho

Oh he would be playing. Only with me to begin with tho and that's what I think women don't like.

Aww

Yeh, it's the bit where you two would be playing an I'm sat there like a lemon that puts me off

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As a single F, I wouldn't meet to play in front of the hubby unless he was playing too. I don't want to put on a show for him. I would meet you separately tho

Oh he would be playing. Only with me to begin with tho and that's what I think women don't like.

Aww

Yeh, it's the bit where you two would be playing an I'm sat there like a lemon that puts me off

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As a single F, I wouldn't meet to play in front of the hubby unless he was playing too. I don't want to put on a show for him. I would meet you separately tho

Oh he would be playing. Only with me to begin with tho and that's what I think women don't like.

Aww

Yeh, it's the bit where you two would be playing an I'm sat there like a lemon that puts me off

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Thankyou for all your comments.

I do like this idea but the hubby isn't keen until we have had our first experience

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can't help thinking how the reactions would be if a man said he wants another man to join him and his wife,but the wife isn't allowed to touch. I think there would be uproar.

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By *ickeyandmouseCouple over a year ago

nr Alicante

Unless the other lady is a complete lesbian then it's not likely to appeal!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As a single F, I wouldn't meet to play in front of the hubby unless he was playing too. I don't want to put on a show for him. I would meet you separately tho

Oh he would be playing. Only with me to begin with tho and that's what I think women don't like.

Aww

There is really nothing in it for the single female .

There's every chance you will go off on one if he goes for it with her , and she has to sit and watch you two until you feel comfortable .

Why would she want to bother with all that and the distinct possibility of drama ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your boundaries are your boundaries and you should only do what you are comfortable with, that being said I think it will be difficult for you to get a meet that suits you finding a single lady that is comfortable doing only what you are comfortable with. Why would they choose you when they can meet people with less restrictions and less risk of drama

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What;s in it the the woman you are meeting? She could meet a single female alone or she could meet a couple and play with both of them? Im guessing both are more desirable than meet a couple and only play with the female

A couple only looking for fem fem play isn't unusual though, have you considered looking for a couple seeking the same as you?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A long time ago as a single female , I met couples , but we all played together. I think I'd have felt like a third wheel to start with just watching.

I do enjoy watching a couple together , but after we've all had some play and We are chilling out. There must be voyeuristic ladies out there, will just take some finding.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As a single F, I wouldn't meet to play in front of the hubby unless he was playing too. I don't want to put on a show for him. I would meet you separately tho

Oh he would be playing. Only with me to begin with tho and that's what I think women don't like.

Aww

There is really nothing in it for the single female .

There's every chance you will go off on one if he goes for it with her , and she has to sit and watch you two until you feel comfortable .

Why would she want to bother with all that and the distinct possibility of drama ?"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You are bi curious.. And hubby can't play unless you feel confident half way through....... I'd feel like an experiment .. Doesn't appeal at all..... But don't change your boundaries unless your comfortable.. I wouldnt

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"As a single F, I wouldn't meet to play in front of the hubby unless he was playing too. I don't want to put on a show for him. I would meet you separately tho

Oh he would be playing. Only with me to begin with tho and that's what I think women don't like.

Aww

There is really nothing in it for the single female .

There's every chance you will go off on one if he goes for it with her , and she has to sit and watch you two until you feel comfortable .

Why would she want to bother with all that and the distinct possibility of drama ?"

Oh I trust that he wouldn't just 'go for it' until I feel comfy with the situation. She wouldn't just be sitting and watching, she would be playing or being played with...x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We would really like a threesome. It's our 1st time doing anything like this at all, so I just don't know how I will feel about the hubby and another woman playing. I really want to play with another woman but not without my hubby there. A lot of women just don't seem to like the fact they may not get any cock. I think in the 'moment' I'll be ok but I can't say that for sure. Am I being selfish? Is there a better way I could explain this on my profile so we do interest other women xx "
the most difficult meet to set up is another woman and from my experience the difficulty lies in the couples profile being lead by the guy if you want success you the woman do the looking

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By *hocko87Man over a year ago

dublin

A lot of ladies won't meet couples on their own .

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Thankyou for all your comments.

This is what would put me off, that you seem to want it to all centre around you and what you want.

That's absolutely fair enough and you shouldn't compromise what you're looking for for anyone else, but from my perspective, I'd feel like I was just a glorified sex toy and that the meet was all about me only being there for you.

The comment above about being sat like a lemon when you're playing with your hubby rings true too.

I'd also be constantly worried about crossing boundaries if you were trying to work out what you were comfortable with as we played. I think it could make things rather stilted and uncomfortable.

How would you intend to indicate during play what you are comfortable with and what you aren't?

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By *empting Devil.Woman over a year ago

Sheffield

Put yourself in her shoes: everything is about you feeling comfortable and confident and at ease, yet you're inviting her into your space and into your relationship with your other half. What about things that make her feel comfortable and confident and at ease?

Bi fems are much pursued on here, I doubt that your messages are the ones at the top of many people's lists to respond to.

You don't have to compromise but a bit of understanding what you're asking for wouldn't go amiss. What would she get? How can she know that she can set the pace too? How can you make her feel relaxed enough to want to get naked with you in the first place?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We would really like a threesome. It's our 1st time doing anything like this at all, so I just don't know how I will feel about the hubby and another woman playing. I really want to play with another woman but not without my hubby there. A lot of women just don't seem to like the fact they may not get any cock. I think in the 'moment' I'll be ok but I can't say that for sure. Am I being selfish? Is there a better way I could explain this on my profile so we do interest other women xx "
I just read your profile and its not needy or demanding, would lose the negative bit about the 100 mile trip though, I've had much worse than that but its better left as a distant memory ,like I said earlier attracting the elusive single woman not easy but in your age range maybe slightly easier good luck

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By *oodmessMan over a year ago

yumsville

The only way you are going to find out is if you take the leap. The longer you wait the harder it will get.

Finding a woman that only wants girl on girl with a guy watching, is going to be hard to find. They are looking for a good night too not some kind of pandoras box evening that may just fail.

Finding a couple where there's no swapping may be a way to go - a soft swap night. There's usually some interaction and you can get the feel of others being close. You can have a discussion that if both are comfortable you can swap.

Or simply find a good couple where you can have the guy and your man can have the woman, jump in, get dirty, get rude, have a glass and enjoy seeing each other. If it doesn't work out at least you know, but hanging on the fence you'll just get more and more coy, you at least have an open mind to it at the moment.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You don't owe anyone anything, and you don't have to do anything you are uncomfortable with, be upfront about what you are looking for and you will either find someone to suit or you won't.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Put yourself in her shoes: everything is about you feeling comfortable and confident and at ease, yet you're inviting her into your space and into your relationship with your other half. What about things that make her feel comfortable and confident and at ease?

Bi fems are much pursued on here, I doubt that your messages are the ones at the top of many people's lists to respond to.

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By *eliciousladyWoman over a year ago

Sometimes U.K

"A lot of ladies won't meet couples on their own ."

I do

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By *alandNitaCouple over a year ago

Scunthorpe

In my opinion, your biggest mistake is looking for single women. There are loads of couples out there who are trying to find ladies for fem only fun (just like you).Try contacting some of these couples, you can have your girly fun with blokes present and then finish off with your own partner.

Cal

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By *alandNitaCouple over a year ago

Scunthorpe

Alternatively, go to clubs and chat with ladies... be honest and open about what you're seeking and I'm sure you'll be successful.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By *dwalu2Couple over a year ago

Bristol

As well as everything else that people have mentioned that is currently going against you, as far as your profile shows to potential partners you have only been here a week and you aren't meet verified, so even if you do find a woman happy to play in the potentially changeable scenario you've described, they would have to be taking quite a leap of faith that you are genuine too.

Your boundaries should always remain exactly how you want them to be, they are what they are, but perhaps try going to a club first and get some social meet veris. That would improve your chances in the long run...and you might even meet the woman you are looking for too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's exactly for this reason I don't meet couples. I'm not there to put on a show for your h.

I'd also feel uncomfortable in your scenario because you don't seem to know what you want! If be worried about crossing boundaries. What would happen if he touched me and you decided you didn't like it! What do I do then?

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

"By the way - I also agree with OP's current status message "why can't people reply with a simple no thanks"

I understand it if someone clearly hasn't made any effort but I take the time to read a profile and draft a message and would really appreciate the simple thanks but no thanks!

I'll step off my soap box now, thank you

Read the FAQ section. No reply means No Thank You.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not being selfish at all, we have this preference give us a message if you like the look of us xxxx

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By *umpleteazerWoman over a year ago

Flintshire

[Removed by poster at 06/02/16 21:39:54]

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By *umpleteazerWoman over a year ago

Flintshire

This for me too.

Boundaries are important and I like to know them in advance. Can't take something back once you've done it. I wouldn't want to play with someone unsure of how far they wanted to go and also how they would react. I would be on edge the whole time, wouldn't be able to relax. It's nerve wracking enough joining a couple without all the added complications. This said, if this is the way you feel then you can't and shouldn't change it. You have to look after yourself first!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Shame you're so far the Mr's would have happily obliged

we're a soft swap couple so the only cock she'd be expecting would be mine lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We are the same, I am living exploring other women but don't want him with another women..... Selfish maybe but it's just our boundaries...... We find a mix of cpls who appear to be happy with this and cpls who just don't get back to us (which does seem rude). We find in clubs there are many people who are happy to just let ladies play while partners watch.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why do you have that boundary???. , is this something he is completely satisfied with or just pleasing you in the hope it might lead to you relaxing in future .

Maybe you got to ask yourself why it's ok for you to play but not him ?

Maybe spend some time imagining what it would be like to see a woman enjoy your man and see if it turns you on .

I'd be very mindful many times when in a relationship and only one side get what they want it can lead to resentment and having things chucked back in your face .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why do you have that boundary???. , is this something he is completely satisfied with or just pleasing you in the hope it might lead to you relaxing in future .

Maybe you got to ask yourself why it's ok for you to play but not him ?

Maybe spend some time imagining what it would be like to see a woman enjoy your man and see if it turns you on .

I'd be very mindful many times when in a relationship and only one side get what they want it can lead to resentment and having things chucked back in your face . "

I "Gavin" disagree with this. I adore/love watching my wife with another women as it is a very special and sexy thing..... I have no interest personally in being with another women nor watch Louise with another man.

We watch couples who do full swap in clubs and others we know privately. That is what there fantasy/sexual preference is and fair play to them.

Many people on this are at very different stages of the lifestyle. We are relatively new and what we enjoy suits us. This lifestyle is all about freedom, choice and respect I think.

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