FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Approaching the wife about swinging
Approaching the wife about swinging
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Need some advice from you guys. Btw this is my first post, hi all. 
I've been wanting to ask my wife about getting into this for a few years now but don't really know how to go about it. Let me give you some background on us.
We got together in our late teens, she'd been with one other guy before me I had been with two other women, we're now in our 30's. I'm 99.9% sure she had an affair in our early twenty's but she has never really out right told me, I also think she did stuff with her old boss a few years ago, one night in particular she was on a work do and got smashed and ended up staying at his house, she actually admitted a little while ago that she doesn't know if anything happened as she was d*unk, but believe me he had fancied her rotten and I don't think he was taking her back for nothing, I'd be very surprised if she didn't at least give him a suck.
Now what I really want to do is watch her with another man or couple, how should I go about asking her if she is up for it? Does this idea turn women on?
Please help
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I could meet her and ask does she fancy a fuck it you want 
Your best option is just bring up the subject with her and be honest that it's something that turns you on and go from there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I thought this forum was for advice?
Yes it is, but not for speculative fantasy fodder"
Do you know something we don't 
It's his first post, You may be right but at least give him the benefit of the doubt |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I thought this forum was for advice?
Yes it is, but not for speculative fantasy fodder"
Well endowed attractive tall male. I think you sir are having some speculative fantasy fodder. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I thought this forum was for advice?"
It is for advice but as its a public forum be prepared for anyone to post whatever they want to.(within the rules )
As said above ^^ maybe approach the subject by suggesting watching some 'female choice' porn together & take it from there. |
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"I thought this forum was for advice?
Yes it is, but not for speculative fantasy fodder
Well endowed attractive tall male. I think you sir are having some speculative fantasy fodder."
There's only one fantasist (so far) on this thread and it isn't me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Need some advice from you guys. Btw this is my first post, hi all.
I've been wanting to ask my wife about getting into this for a few years now but don't really know how to go about it. Let me give you some background on us.
We got together in our late teens, she'd been with one other guy before me I had been with two other women, we're now in our 30's. I'm 99.9% sure she had an affair in our early twenty's but she has never really out right told me, I also think she did stuff with her old boss a few years ago, one night in particular she was on a work do and got smashed and ended up staying at his house, she actually admitted a little while ago that she doesn't know if anything happened as she was d*unk, but believe me he had fancied her rotten and I don't think he was taking her back for nothing, I'd be very surprised if she didn't at least give him a suck.
Now what I really want to do is watch her with another man or couple, how should I go about asking her if she is up for it? Does this idea turn women on?
Please help
"
be open and honest with her, tell her you want more out of your sexlife, then ask her what she would like fantasy wise and promise you will help her fullfill her fantasy what ever it may be, most of the time any fantasy she may have will end up involving another person which is swinging, then take it from there, if you don't end up swinging at least you will have opened up to eachother and probably had fun with her fantasy anyway,
but most of all talk to her if she don't know what you want she cant help you, oh yes beware she may ask you for something your not be prepared to do, swinging works both ways fella |
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"I thought this forum was for advice?
Yes it is, but not for speculative fantasy fodder
Well endowed attractive tall male. I think you sir are having some speculative fantasy fodder.
There's only one fantasist (so far) on this thread and it isn't me."
What proof do you have that hes a fantasist?
OP, only advice is to talk to your wife |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Need some advice from you guys. Btw this is my first post, hi all.
I've been wanting to ask my wife about getting into this for a few years now but don't really know how to go about it. Let me give you some background on us.
We got together in our late teens, she'd been with one other guy before me I had been with two other women, we're now in our 30's. I'm 99.9% sure she had an affair in our early twenty's but she has never really out right told me, I also think she did stuff with her old boss a few years ago, one night in particular she was on a work do and got smashed and ended up staying at his house, she actually admitted a little while ago that she doesn't know if anything happened as she was d*unk, but believe me he had fancied her rotten and I don't think he was taking her back for nothing, I'd be very surprised if she didn't at least give him a suck.
Now what I really want to do is watch her with another man or couple, how should I go about asking her if she is up for it? Does this idea turn women on?
Please help
"
I'll be honest all I'm seeing is drama. Trust, honesty and communication are all key to couples who successfully swing and you seem to be lacking all 3.
And it seems biazree to ask for advice on how to swing but then talk about her suspected infidelities, I genuinely don't see the connection?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Need some advice from you guys. Btw this is my first post, hi all.
I've been wanting to ask my wife about getting into this for a few years now but don't really know how to go about it. Let me give you some background on us.
We got together in our late teens, she'd been with one other guy before me I had been with two other women, we're now in our 30's. I'm 99.9% sure she had an affair in our early twenty's but she has never really out right told me, I also think she did stuff with her old boss a few years ago, one night in particular she was on a work do and got smashed and ended up staying at his house, she actually admitted a little while ago that she doesn't know if anything happened as she was d*unk, but believe me he had fancied her rotten and I don't think he was taking her back for nothing, I'd be very surprised if she didn't at least give him a suck.
Now what I really want to do is watch her with another man or couple, how should I go about asking her if she is up for it? Does this idea turn women on?
Please help
"
Just talk to her about your fantasies ask her if she had the chance what would she want to do. Has she ever thought about introducing anyone else into your relationship. I think from this conversation you will learn her point of view on the whole thing x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Show her your profile. 
just over 20 minutes .....come on people you are slacking
I was waiting for it too!
Me three....!!!
"
I'd have done it sooner but was cooking dinner |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just take her to Xtasia!! Tell her that you would love to be a bit kinky and have sex in front of other people, that's we did.. And then we got an idea of what it's all about and not only that xtasia has got a nightclub vibe and you can treat it as a naughty night out and see what happens from there... You will probably get into a conversation about it at some point.. But remember, don't rush it and take it one step at a time and see if you are comfortable with it!!! When it's done it is most certainly done and there's no going back !!!!!
But I think there's a lot of issues that need sorting first and a deep underlying sense of jealousy!! Correct us if we are wrong but there's a strong whiff of it, and trust issues as well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Show her your profile.
just over 20 minutes .....come on people you are slacking
I was waiting for it too!
Me three....!!!
I'd have done it sooner but was cooking dinner "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
This is simples ...first thing you do is take her down to your local park.
Don't go steaming straight to the swings or she'll suss you out straight away! Maybe do a bit on the see-saw, slide...climbing apparatus if your feeling energetic. THEN go over to the swings. Get her sat down on one and start gently pushing her so she feels the cool breeze on her face, tell her you love her..then just casually drop in this line " are you having a nice time?".... she should say yes...then say "do you like swinging?"....she should again say yes,... then confirm "so you REALLY like swinging then?"....wait for second affirmation.
Your girl should be greeted on arriving home from work the next day with yourself and a couple of dirty swingers all in bed completely starkers with a big sign over the bed saying SURPRISE..... if she jumps in, sorted....if she runs out of the house screaming, it's not her thing.
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"I thought this forum was for advice?
Yes it is, but not for speculative fantasy fodder
Well endowed attractive tall male. I think you sir are having some speculative fantasy fodder.
lol "
Well my verifications don't mention my height it's true, but do confirm the other traits....
No fantasy here... |
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"Show her your profile.
just over 20 minutes .....come on people you are slacking
I was waiting for it too!
Me three....!!!
I'd have done it sooner but was cooking dinner "
looking at your profile......tied up in more ways than one then |
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Have you ever had a discussion with your wife which touched on swinging? If you don't feel able to discuss swinging, then it may not be for you, as swinging as a couple requires a lot of honesty and open-ness to discussing things that many people find difficult.
That said, you could try bringing it into a conversation the next time swinging is mentioned in the news. If you don't feel able to simply ask, "Darling, how would you feel about swinging?" then maybe search for recent news stories online and in a neutral tone, bring that story up in a conversation. Gauge her reaction, is it something she might be open to?
Not everyone is open to swinging. You might well be better off clearing the air over her possible past indiscretions too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
This is simples ...first thing you do is take her down to your local park.
Don't go steaming straight to the swings or she'll suss you out straight away! Maybe do a bit on the see-saw, slide...climbing apparatus if your feeling energetic. THEN go over to the swings. Get her sat down on one and start gently pushing her so she feels the cool breeze on her face, tell her you love her..then just casually drop in this line " are you having a nice time?".... she should say yes...then say "do you like swinging?"....she should again say yes,... then confirm "so you REALLY like swinging then?"....wait for second affirmation.
Your girl should be greeted on arriving home from work the next day with yourself and a couple of dirty swingers all in bed completely starkers with a big sign over the bed saying SURPRISE..... if she jumps in, sorted....if she runs out of the house screaming, it's not her thing.
Don't listen to any of that "good communication" nonsense... this method works every time, trust |
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"Need some advice from you guys. Btw this is my first post, hi all.
I've been wanting to ask my wife about getting into this for a few years now but don't really know how to go about it. Let me give you some background on us.
We got together in our late teens, she'd been with one other guy before me I had been with two other women, we're now in our 30's. I'm 99.9% sure she had an affair in our early twenty's but she has never really out right told me, I also think she did stuff with her old boss a few years ago, one night in particular she was on a work do and got smashed and ended up staying at his house, she actually admitted a little while ago that she doesn't know if anything happened as she was d*unk, but believe me he had fancied her rotten and I don't think he was taking her back for nothing, I'd be very surprised if she didn't at least give him a suck.
Now what I really want to do is watch her with another man or couple, how should I go about asking her if she is up for it? Does this idea turn women on?
Please help
"
. There is no easy solution.
Maybe start talking about fantasies to her , and they might lead to reality if you are lucky. |
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By *anSusieCouple
over a year ago
Midlothian |
"Just take her to Xtasia!! Tell her that you would love to be a bit kinky and have sex in front of other people, that's we did.. And then we got an idea of what it's all about and not only that xtasia has got a nightclub vibe and you can treat it as a naughty night out and see what happens from there... You will probably get into a conversation about it at some point.. But remember, don't rush it and take it one step at a time and see if you are comfortable with it!!! When it's done it is most certainly done and there's no going back !!!!!
But I think there's a lot of issues that need sorting first and a deep underlying sense of jealousy!! Correct us if we are wrong but there's a strong whiff of it, and trust issues as well"
This is a good way to start. The idea of jumping into bed with someone else may put her off. Maybe suggest you two having sex in front of others whilst they have sex with their partners in a club. Another good way could be to look at holidays on the internet. look up Spice in lanzarotte (by accident on your laptop in bed) then start up a conversation or Cap d'age. you can go to spice as a naturist if you want, no pressure to play. Good luck (Dan) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Cheating is not the same as swinging, even if you are both cheating.  "
This, so much this.
I didn't see the connection between her cheating and you wanting to swing but then again I don't quite think you understand the difference.
Rocky relationships, cheating, paranoya and lack of communication are not a good basis to start swinging on regardless how long you guys have been together.
X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Cheating is not the same as swinging, even if you are both cheating.
This, so much this.
I didn't see the connection between her cheating and you wanting to swing but then again I don't quite think you understand the difference.
Rocky relationships, cheating, paranoya and lack of communication are not a good basis to start swinging on regardless how long you guys have been together.
X"
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"Cheating is not the same as swinging, even if you are both cheating.
This, so much this.
I didn't see the connection between her cheating and you wanting to swing but then again I don't quite think you understand the difference.
Rocky relationships, cheating, paranoya and lack of communication are not a good basis to start swinging on regardless how long you guys have been together.
X"
|
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You'll know her best so your going to have to draw on anything she might of said in the past and make a judgment on that.
Personally I would just wait till your in bed chatting and bring up fantasys and tell her yours is a threesome eyc and ask if she thinks she could ever do that.
Hope it works out for you xxxxx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I've got agree on the talk to her front then see how you two feel about going to a club to look about and take in the atmosphere l, but sort your own stuff out first a club won't hide your relationship problems if anything from what we've seen in our limited experience it'll amplify them
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Show her your profile.
just over 20 minutes .....come on people you are slacking
I was waiting for it too!
Me three....!!!
I'd have done it sooner but was cooking dinner
looking at your profile......tied up in more ways than one then "
Best way to be |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"first be honest with each other, once that's established you can talk openly about what you want.
Good luck."
Would that include showing her your profile on here...or does she already know? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Show her your profile. "
Ffs. He joined a week ago. He's not met anyone.
Perhaps he joined. Waited the week to be able to post and is now asking the 'experts' on a swinging site for advice.
Where better to ask how to approach his wife on this subject than on a site full of people who've been at that stage and been successful? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Show her your profile.
Ffs. He joined a week ago. He's not met anyone.
Perhaps he joined. Waited the week to be able to post and is now asking the 'experts' on a swinging site for advice.
Where better to ask how to approach his wife on this subject than on a site full of people who've been at that stage and been successful?"
Oh go and take your common sense elsewhere please!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My partner had swung before, I hadn't, he started a discussion with me about if I'd like to be watched, and then on another occasion casually dropped into conversation about how he was once approached in a bar by a guy wanting him to fuck his wife, which he did lol.
We had lots of chats, discussed lots of aspects of swinging without me even being aware it was about swinging at the time lol, but the idea turned me on and I wanted to give it a try so we made a profile in here and had our first meet that same day, that was two years ago and we've had lots of meets since, I love it |
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
"Try and watch some porn together.
Make sure you sift the porn to include a MFM or cuck situation.... If she likes it, find some more similar stuff and once you've watched some ask her casually if she would find it a turn on?
Got to be better than outright asking her "
This is pretty much what got us started talking openly about our fantasies and what we would like to see and try. Dipping our toes into meeting others led on from there.
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So your wife is curious, she joins fab to take a took and see what its all about . A week or so later she shows you her profile and you shout whoopee .
???
Honesty and openness and communication in any relationship will make for a fab time as a couple on here . |
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"Cheating is not the same as swinging, even if you are both cheating.
This, so much this.
I didn't see the connection between her cheating and you wanting to swing but then again I don't quite think you understand the difference.
Rocky relationships, cheating, paranoya and lack of communication are not a good basis to start swinging on regardless how long you guys have been together.
X"
I totally agree with this, what you are describing is not a woman who wants to swing but a woman who has played outside of the relationship and has decided to keep it a secret. Until the honesty and trust issue is resolved anything else would just fuel the fire and you may well end up losing the relationship that you have. If you are prepared to take that risk, then by all means ignore dealing with the relationship issues and go straight for the genitals. Swinging usually works because of huge levels of trust, communication and honesty. Get those first and then think of swinging. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Show her your profile.
Ffs. He joined a week ago. He's not met anyone.
Perhaps he joined. Waited the week to be able to post and is now asking the 'experts' on a swinging site for advice.
Where better to ask how to approach his wife on this subject than on a site full of people who've been at that stage and been successful?
Oh go and take your common sense elsewhere please! "
Rachael leaves the room and goes to pop the kettle on, wipe the work tops over and tidy the kitchen.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Show her your profile.
Ffs. He joined a week ago. He's not met anyone.
Perhaps he joined. Waited the week to be able to post and is now asking the 'experts' on a swinging site for advice.
Where better to ask how to approach his wife on this subject than on a site full of people who've been at that stage and been successful?"
Doing this behind someone's back then hoping they'll join in. Yeah that will work.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Doing what? He's been here a week.
He had to wait to post on the forums and here he is asking advice from experienced, open minded people.
I completely agree that if he starts trying to meet behind her back he's doomed but asking for advice about swinging on a swinging site doesn't seem unreasonable.
Right then; who's for tea? Who's for coffee? Anyone want funny flavoured teas? |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
All women are different just as all people are different. If I had a male partner, then I would not want him to ask me to have sex with others while he watched. I don't even want to do that with people I have met on this site. An MFM will be different for he is then participating
But if I were to be approached about thie subject of swinging this is what might work with me. An honest and frank discussion with a few days for me to think about it. And a promise that I will not be coerced even if I were to experiment with this, it is no guarantee that I want to continue after the first couple of times |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Just for the record I have no interest in meeting anyone without my wife. Thanks to all the people with helpful advice, I've taken it all on board.
The cheating thing happend years ago and really doesn't bother me, it just shows to me that she has/could be interested in fucking other guys.
This could end up just being a fantasy if I don't find the right time to ask her or gets some balls and just outright ask her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just take her to Xtasia!! Tell her that you would love to be a bit kinky and have sex in front of other people, that's we did.. And then we got an idea of what it's all about and not only that xtasia has got a nightclub vibe and you can treat it as a naughty night out and see what happens from there... You will probably get into a conversation about it at some point.. But remember, don't rush it and take it one step at a time and see if you are comfortable with it!!! When it's done it is most certainly done and there's no going back !!!!!
But I think there's a lot of issues that need sorting first and a deep underlying sense of jealousy!! Correct us if we are wrong but there's a strong whiff of it, and trust issues as well
This is a good way to start. The idea of jumping into bed with someone else may put her off. Maybe suggest you two having sex in front of others whilst they have sex with their partners in a club. Another good way could be to look at holidays on the internet. look up Spice in lanzarotte (by accident on your laptop in bed) then start up a conversation or Cap d'age. you can go to spice as a naturist if you want, no pressure to play. Good luck (Dan) "
Yayyyy!!! Someone on our wavelength!!! slow and steady
It's the only way... Thanks guys ???? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Not really been the types to watch it together tbh, I said about watching some last night and got a positive response. Are there any good sites to use on a smart tv? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Start by talking about hypothetical fantasies whilst you indulge in foreplay. You'll quickly feel which scenarios are turning her on. Take it slowly over several sessions. Gradually build up the fantasy foreplay.
If she's turned on, start to introduce people you know into the fantasy so that she's now, for example, fantasising about fucking one of your mates.
If that goes well then again, only when she's turned on during foreplay, suggest that you'd actually like it to happen.
Then if that turns her on start to chat through fantasy scenarios during foreplay involving how you might both make it happen with a particular person.
If that goes well then invite said person around for a drink. Drink a lot and see what happens.
If you're lucky it'll open up a whole new world of fun!
If at any point ahe's clearly not turned on by the fantasies then absolutely do not keep on about it. Pestering will completely turn her off the idea. |
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"Not really been the types to watch it together tbh, I said about watching some last night and got a positive response. Are there any good sites to use on a smart tv?"
Not sure but give Google a go. Ask her to choose what she would like to see then you put a mff or a mmf up and just ask would you not like that. Be prepared for her to say no but you say I would. But be ready for questions and maybe some anger but let her come round. Xxxx |
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