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New gf that loves light BDSM
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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ok so here it is,
I'm regularly seeing a women of 40 years old. (hot) she's had a long relationship that, as far as I can see, went boring. When I'm with her although already into light BDSM she loved the slight aggression/control (thumbs up for me) however as sweet and new to any adventurous sex she is, she loves my hands on her throat. Now not that I would do this It's not a problem, until.... when she is really enjoying it or a bottle down range and she is confidence, she wants it harder (hands on throat or harder spanking). I'm of course happy to do so but if I did hurt her I think it would take her time to get over it being the type of character she is. It would break my heart to hurt her. How do you get that level of max pain with out to much. I'm pushing slowly more and more as the days go and she say yer more would be fine. (it wont if she hurts tho)
any experience with this guys/girls |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds like you have it right...you are pushing a little bit further each time. A "safe word" or a sign is the thing you need. She will know the point that she reaches her limit and this word or sign tells you to stop.
It's what most people do...I know that works for me and has with a few ladies. |
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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago
Cheshire |
"ok so here it is,
I'm regularly seeing a women of 40 years old. (hot) she's had a long relationship that, as far as I can see, went boring. When I'm with her although already into light BDSM she loved the slight aggression/control (thumbs up for me) however as sweet and new to any adventurous sex she is, she loves my hands on her throat. Now not that I would do this It's not a problem, until.... when she is really enjoying it or a bottle down range and she is confidence, she wants it harder (hands on throat or harder spanking). I'm of course happy to do so but if I did hurt her I think it would take her time to get over it being the type of character she is. It would break my heart to hurt her. How do you get that level of max pain with out to much. I'm pushing slowly more and more as the days go and she say yer more would be fine. (it wont if she hurts tho)
any experience with this guys/girls"
Follow her lead, as you're both new to it and new to each other. Slowly build the level of pain up and let her guide you until you learn her body. Sometimes she will be able to take more pain, other times, less. It can depend on things like tiredness, hormones etc.
If you use a traffic light system as safe words it will allow you to control the level of play before it hits her limit. There is an intermediate safe word that shows when she is feeling discomfort.
Just take it slow and discuss as much as possible. I find it really useful evaluating the play afterwards together. What worked, what didn't. etc
The only thing that concerned or confused me in your post was that 'it would take for her to get over it' if you hurt her. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've read the chatting about after ( the next day ) about what would have been better so yep going to introduce that thanks. Safe word as she likes being gaged, is out the window with that idea lol. I do watch her body language of course, sex is about that for me.
by the part that confused you I meant... it would take time for her to get over it if she was hurt. At least I believe as she is a bit new and lets say after maybe a bit of a bad history lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If she's gagged, watch her body language. Could you not use an extra. Say keys or something that makes a noise, a lot of noise, or you can see, then that can be her 'red' in a scene (then nothing accidentally gets pushed too far).
Have fun  |
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COMMUNICATE!! Talk, talk, talk... Before and after every single time to begin with. That way you can both gradually ramp it up a bit each time, having discussed after the previous session 'yeah really liked that would like more of that', and before the next one 'you definitely liked the idea of more of X right?', and then after that one 'well it felt like you really enjoyed more of that, how was it for you?'. Might sound a bit clinical but when playing with someone new it's essential to build understanding of what activities you both like in what circumstances, what types of role play, what type of language etc. As you learn each other better over time it can reduce, but it should never go away because you'll also both change.
Welcome to a wonderful world of exploration  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"COMMUNICATE!! Talk, talk, talk... Before and after every single time to begin with. That way you can both gradually ramp it up a bit each time, having discussed after the previous session 'yeah really liked that would like more of that', and before the next one 'you definitely liked the idea of more of X right?', and then after that one 'well it felt like you really enjoyed more of that, how was it for you?'. Might sound a bit clinical but when playing with someone new it's essential to build understanding of what activities you both like in what circumstances, what types of role play, what type of language etc. As you learn each other better over time it can reduce, but it should never go away because you'll also both change.
Welcome to a wonderful world of exploration "
Cheers think Im on it, I just guess its all learning as I go |
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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago
Cheshire |
Instead of a safe word she needs hand signals then. Nothing complicated because of she's like me, her responses may be slower or she might not remember them if she's floating. You can give her a red ball and a yellow ball (just an example) in her hand so she can drop one instead of calling a safe word.
You still need to be watching her and not just relying on her safe word. I struggle to use mine sometimes if I'm a bit incoherent. You can still slow down or stop play if you think she is struggling. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"contract course not lol
Ok, just be careful how far you go "
yer I've feeling for her so defo not after a contract. I'll take my chances I think lol.
she's sweet but amazing cheesy I know |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Really interesting advice from everyone that has answered, helped me with some queries thanks everyone. Xxx"
A dominate girl, your high in demand girl |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"ok so here it is,
I'm regularly seeing a women of 40 years old. (hot) she's had a long relationship that, as far as I can see, went boring. When I'm with her although already into light BDSM she loved the slight aggression/control (thumbs up for me) however as sweet and new to any adventurous sex she is, she loves my hands on her throat. Now not that I would do this It's not a problem, until.... when she is really enjoying it or a bottle down range and she is confidence, she wants it harder (hands on throat or harder spanking). I'm of course happy to do so but if I did hurt her I think it would take her time to get over it being the type of character she is. It would break my heart to hurt her. How do you get that level of max pain with out to much. I'm pushing slowly more and more as the days go and she say yer more would be fine. (it wont if she hurts tho)
any experience with this guys/girls"
Trust her to signal to you when she is at Red....saying te word might not always be possible - so have a signal as well - we use three taps both hands m x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tap out. We never discussed what he can do or what I wanted. It gradually built up over the years,although the first time we met he bit my nipple-not really hard but not gently. When I tap out he stops; it works for us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If she is new she might not know her limit or even have one. By the sounds of it your unsure about your limit too.
Best thing is to talk open and honestly about how you both feel and soon after. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"ok so here it is,
I'm regularly seeing a women of 40 years old. (hot) she's had a long relationship that, as far as I can see, went boring. When I'm with her although already into light BDSM she loved the slight aggression/control (thumbs up for me) however as sweet and new to any adventurous sex she is, she loves my hands on her throat. Now not that I would do this It's not a problem, until.... when she is really enjoying it or a bottle down range and she is confidence, she wants it harder (hands on throat or harder spanking). I'm of course happy to do so but if I did hurt her I think it would take her time to get over it being the type of character she is. It would break my heart to hurt her. How do you get that level of max pain with out to much. I'm pushing slowly more and more as the days go and she say yer more would be fine. (it wont if she hurts tho)
any experience with this guys/girls
Trust her to signal to you when she is at Red....saying te word might not always be possible - so have a signal as well - we use three taps both hands m x"
see I don't think she will say until its to far that's problem I'm worried about |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If she is new she might not know her limit or even have one. By the sounds of it your unsure about your limit too.
Best thing is to talk open and honestly about how you both feel and soon after. "
she does not know her limits yet, that's a good point.
she even had me doing things, something that would normally have her thinking errr lol. That was when she was on edge of course and she loved it but didn't know.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've left bruises on a girls neck before.
She wanted it so rough it was at the point I was thinking "fucking hell she could probably beat me up" given her threshold.
It's not normally my thing to be that are aside but as a one off it was quite nice. Sadly she has since left the country lol |
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By *itzWoman
over a year ago
south wales |
"ok so here it is,
I'm regularly seeing a women of 40 years old. (hot) she's had a long relationship that, as far as I can see, went boring. When I'm with her although already into light BDSM she loved the slight aggression/control (thumbs up for me) however as sweet and new to any adventurous sex she is, she loves my hands on her throat. Now not that I would do this It's not a problem, until.... when she is really enjoying it or a bottle down range and she is confidence, she wants it harder (hands on throat or harder spanking). I'm of course happy to do so but if I did hurt her I think it would take her time to get over it being the type of character she is. It would break my heart to hurt her. How do you get that level of max pain with out to much. I'm pushing slowly more and more as the days go and she say yer more would be fine. (it wont if she hurts tho)
any experience with this guys/girls
Trust her to signal to you when she is at Red....saying te word might not always be possible - so have a signal as well - we use three taps both hands m x
see I don't think she will say until its to far that's problem I'm worried about"
In that case I would advise not using the ball gag until you know each other better. It can be a reward that comes with improved communication. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"contract course not lol"
There are plenty of examples on basic sub/dom contracts on the Internet, just change it to suit your needs. And evolve it gradually.
Also a wearable item to signinify you partner is to act in submissive mode, a dog collar is typical, but if she has a choking phobia. Then there are other options. Handcuff bracelet. Anklets, with a dog tag charm on it etc. There are plenty of bdsm inspired jewellery around now, buy something symbiotic that you can use at the appropriate time, also it's typical for a sub to have a 'pet name' for her submissive persona. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As mentioned...
Use a safe word
If she is gagged get her to click her fingers
Read her body language
Talk to her
Know her boundaries and
Always stop on her say so |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As mentioned...
Use a safe word
If she is gagged get her to click her fingers
Read her body language
Talk to her
Know her boundaries and
Always stop on her say so"
If she is gagged, give her a key or somesuch object, if she drops it, that's her 'red' safe word signal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"well we have a red snooker ball type gag that she loves so so safe work is out the question haha "
then give her something in her hand instead of a safe word if she drops it stop and offer her it back if she does not take it stop the game
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