FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Felt left out of mmf

Felt left out of mmf

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Hello we have been swinging a while now but only ffm the other night we ventured into the mmf scenario.

Whilst it was very very enjoyable when my partner was being given a good seeing to for want of a better description i was sort of sidelined dont get me wrong i enjoyed the show and the chance to take a break and i suppose i understand its probably down to the position that there in wich would limit a 3rd person interaction but is this normal to feel that in a certain situation????.

I think it had a lot to do with the other male being more experienced as well and he was guiding the situation as such any thoughts advice

As i have said though there was no jealousy or bad feeling in the slightest

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We have been with experienced men in an mmf,my hubby has no problem jumping in,so was it in a car?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"We have been with experienced men in an mmf,my hubby has no problem jumping in,so was it in a car?"

No it wasnt in a car you have probably said the right solution i am probably to polite for my own good and not wanting to interupt the goings on and "jump in" as you put it lolol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

no matter what position there's never room for being sidelined get some ground rules if with your partner I've taken part in a few (lot) of mmfs and have never allowed any kind of being left out that's not what it's about... straight MMFs may I add

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"no matter what position there's never room for being sidelined get some ground rules if with your partner I've taken part in a few (lot) of mmfs and have never allowed any kind of being left out that's not what it's about... straight MMFs may I add "

There were rules in place etc i could see my partner as well keep looking at me as if to say are you coming to get involved lol as i said though regarding mmf its new to us so still finding our feet think i just need to be a bit more assertive and get more involved lololol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Do what you are comfortable with discuss how you can become more invovled with your partner ,i always start with the other man,my hubby kisses my neck,helps undress me while i do my thing lol you have obviously thought about what you want,bite the bullet and go for it,mmf are great fun,be blunt with the other guy,its your wife lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Do what you are comfortable with discuss how you can become more invovled with your partner ,i always start with the other man,my hubby kisses my neck,helps undress me while i do my thing lol you have obviously thought about what you want,bite the bullet and go for it,mmf are great fun,be blunt with the other guy,its your wife lol"

Thanks for the input think we just need to sit down and try and come up with certain scenarios of the mmf where were all playing but as i said for a while i did actually enjoy the show as wellit hasnt put us off just think we need to discuss more the in and outs as it were lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thanks for the input its giving me a few things to think about lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Maybe you could find ways of getting involved without interrupting the flow - then when one of the ladies want s you more fully back in the action you will be able to move more naturally back into the play....examples .....

Stroke a ladies foot and legs lightly then sprinkle little kisses or tiny bites along her feet and legs.

Or press firmly on her wrists or back of her head if she responds positively maybe you could add a bit more force and introduce some restraint/power play elements into the play?????

Threesomes are fun but in a couples to couples meet there needs to be a flexible dynamic that allows the fourth person to switch between active and watcher and back again. M x

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By *enninemarkMan over a year ago

huddersfield/manchester

I think as a single guy it can be difficult to know how to play it. Helpful if all 3 can chat before hand about how it might play out. Some couples like to see the 3rd person with the wife and be watched etc others not so. Easy when the fem directs. I guess its talking and getting used to the dynamics of that kind of meet between you!

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Sometimes in an mmf it's good to take a break and watch the other two, I like it. I don't feel left out as I'm watching. Also, we take turns as well as all doing stuff together. As you don't seem too upset by it all, I'd say just go with the flow and don't overthink it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oooh.. Someone mention an mmf..?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your wife could try to make sure she gets into positions where a guy can't 'hog' her. Even if it's just wanking one guy off while doing something else with the other guy.

I tend to try and make sure i can use both guys at once as much as possible, it can take some concentration at times though...

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Again thanks for all the input guys has helped a lot appreciate it x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP you say you've done mostly MFF. How did those go? Was anyone left out? Were you the focus for both women?

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By *onnie and JohnCouple over a year ago

WILTSHIRE

OP, Sit and chat before hand on what you both want from a mmf, we find the less experienced men are the one's to pick, i am lucky that i /we enjoy a spit roast so busy at both ends , so we all have fun ..lol.. connie xx

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By *andomfodCouple over a year ago

walsall

Did the other half enjoy it? Just sit down, talk about what you did and didn't enjoy. Sounds like she was inviting you in but you wanted her to enjoy herself so much you didn't want to disrupt the flow. We are hoping to try it one day.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The first mmf we ever had the guy was quite pushy and assertive.

I definitely got sidelined and felt like a spectator at times.

But as she was clearly enjoying herself very much I didn't want to be a party pooper.

We talked about it after.

Since then I have always been more assertive if I feel that a guy is trying to take over.

She-ra /jools is very submissive and gets lost in the heat of the moment.so it's upto me to stay involved.

Not tried the bi thing yet but I guess that would be one way of staying more involved.

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By *oandjohnCouple over a year ago

South Wales, will travel to Hereford, Worcestershire and Shropshire

We have done a few mmf and some times it is good to watch, some times it is good to join in from the start and not sit back... I think you are expecting too much from your first mmf... You just have to get stuck in.. Each mmf you have will alway be different. Just enjoy it, don't over think it, otherwise your partner might be apprehensive at doing another one.. Then you will miss out all together... Just go with the flow.

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By *an2loveMan over a year ago

Chesterfield

I understand where you are coming from OP ... We have just hosted our first mmf threesome! (haven't done mff either).... Our guest was a bi)guy we had met at a party and had enjoyed playing with. Our event was fine but I (lover) felt sidelined at times ... Not a real problem cos I loved watching fungirl being pleasured!! Our guest and I have had a chat and will try and arrange things more equitably next time and I will be more assertive and less acting like a host making sure the guest is happy!! ... Looking forward to trying again!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Have been in the partner situation a few times and the third person many times......never felt sidelined in first situation and never actively sidelined a the m partner in the second...although I have regularly found that the m partner will often step out of the action and watch. It depends on what you do or want to get out of it...but a considerate third would ensure you were as involved as you wished to be....and yes. Discuss things first works.

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By *UNCHBOXMan over a year ago

folkestone

This is something I've always been aware of when playing with a couple. I think good communication beforehand is the key. I always try to put myself in the husband/bf shoes, and ask myself would i be happy if a guy i met was pushy and tried to take over.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think there's plenty of ways for all three of you to be equally involved - but make sure you're comfortable by talking about it before hand.

I've been the 'guest' in plenty of MMFs and everyone has the most fun when you're all confident enough to get involved.

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By *illyjohnyCouple over a year ago

brighton

You have to be more assertive as some guys we have found couldn't really give a shit if they are hogging Jill just there to get their own pleasure . We had one guy kept insisting that Jill rode him while he was sat on the sofa which was ok for the first few minutes so I straddle between their faces to get Jill to suck me he didn't appreciate my balls and arse so close to his face soon changed positions then

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

this is how you progress though into doing new things- try it and see how you might alter it - id say this was the natural flow of event s - just needs tweaking now

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"this is how you progress though into doing new things- try it and see how you might alter it - id say this was the natural flow of event s - just needs tweaking now "

This is great advice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As many have said...

As the additional male its all in the communication and dynamics of the relationship..and one of the sexiest aspects is bf or hubbys enjoying the moment and involved.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"this is how you progress though into doing new things- try it and see how you might alter it - id say this was the natural flow of event s - just needs tweaking now

This is great advice."

i have my moments - few and far between mind you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP im just wondering, as this was first time MMF do you think that having experienced it, you would rather it stayed as a fantasy/never happened or are you happy to repeat the experience?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hello we have been swinging a while now but only ffm the other night we ventured into the mmf scenario.

I think it had a lot to do with the other male being more experienced as well and he was guiding the situation as such any thoughts advice

As i have said though there was no jealousy or bad feeling in the slightest

."
hey the reason you've brought the subject up was because wether you like it or not you saw your wife enjoying maybe better sex than perhaps you provide her with and didn't like it ,some can share and it has no affect and some cant ,if you don't like it maybe its not for you get out now before your other half gets a taste for it because that's what happened to a few people I know one in particular

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hello we have been swinging a while now but only ffm the other night we ventured into the mmf scenario.

I think it had a lot to do with the other male being more experienced as well and he was guiding the situation as such any thoughts advice

As i have said though there was no jealousy or bad feeling in the slightest

. hey the reason you've brought the subject up was because wether you like it or not you saw your wife enjoying maybe better sex than perhaps you provide her with and didn't like it ,some can share and it has no affect and some cant ,if you don't like it maybe its not for you get out now before your other half gets a taste for it because that's what happened to a few people I know one in particular

I think the person above is right I know a couple who went that way and now no longer swing as he felt like a spare wheel.

The other gent I know personally he is non pushy but extremely good at what he does and I'm sure the other guy felt inferior .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've felt a little left out at times in an mmf.

I sit back a bit and watch while he's getting it but I find watching quite a turn on.

He always gets me back involved for a spit roast, so all is good.

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By *osieWoman over a year ago

Wembley

Most MFM situtation have been with straight men and they generally stay a few centimetres apart in case the world caves in

In such situations, I alway, in the very least, hold 'my partner's' hand so that he is part of what is happening

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Most MFM situtation have been with straight men and they generally stay a few centimetres apart in case the world caves in

In such situations, I alway, in the very least, hold 'my partner's' hand so that he is part of what is happening"
yes but you don't care about either emotionally just about what they are doing to you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I guess the bottom line is that if you invite a guy around for an MMF he is going to be keen and he is there to fuck your female partner,,thats what he is going to do and if he can get all the attention even better

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Talking from the female perspective , where possible I maintain eye contact with my OH during an MMF. That maintains for me that he's happy with everything.

It was your first one , I guess the more you do, you'll gain confidence and can take the lead more. Be less worried about diving in, so to speak. Have you told your partner how you felt? I think that's the most important thing, so she's aware, if you ever do one again.

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By *idsAndyMan over a year ago

Worcestershire

"Talking from the female perspective , where possible I maintain eye contact with my OH during an MMF. That maintains for me that he's happy with everything.

I love it when the lady keeps eye contact with her partner

OP I think you just need more MMF practice lol, I volunteer

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By *osieWoman over a year ago

Wembley

"Most MFM situtation have been with straight men and they generally stay a few centimetres apart in case the world caves in

In such situations, I alway, in the very least, hold 'my partner's' hand so that he is part of what is happeningyes but you don't care about either emotionally just about what they are doing to you

I do care about the ones I meet regularly; and when we are together, I consider them to be my 'partner(s)'. So there is emotional involvement but it doesn't extend to a romantic relationship and this suits all of us

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Firstly I would suggest you stay talking to each other every time you play involving others. That way both of you know how the other feels, which is of course very important, your likes and dislikes.

If you aren't in close and watching from a distance, perhaps a chair while your wife is on the bed, it would be very difficult to be involved. If you enjoy watching for a while, move back to the bed, the other male should recognise this and move aside for you. Or your wife could play/suck your cock, kiss you, or you could stroke/suck on her boobs. But it is also up to your wife to include you even while enjoying herself! There are plenty of things two men can help a woman enjoy herself with.

Every time will probably be different, so the dynamics can change. But don't just sit back and watch...move to your wife.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I guess the bottom line is that if you invite a guy around for an MMF he is going to be keen and he is there to fuck your female partner,,thats what he is going to do and if he can get all the attention even better"

Is that really the bottom line? Not our experience at all, and paints a rather damning picture of single men. Keen, yes. Fucking, yes.....but if he attempts to dominate the attention he doesn't get it imo

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By *omino1966Couple over a year ago

barrow in furness

We only do mmf my man knows what I dont like and he makes surr I am ok but then he likes to watch or suck him while with the other ..he wouldnt be left iut .he likes to go second ..we have a mmf arranged for tomorrow but its ste's 50th so I may arrange treat for him as well mmm

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"OP im just wondering, as this was first time MMF do you think that having experienced it, you would rather it stayed as a fantasy/never happened or are you happy to repeat the experience?"

Yes very happy to repeat the experience as others have said think we need to just sit down talk it through and tweak certain points we were not happy with

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Hello we have been swinging a while now but only ffm the other night we ventured into the mmf scenario.

I think it had a lot to do with the other male being more experienced as well and he was guiding the situation as such any thoughts advice

As i have said though there was no jealousy or bad feeling in the slightest

O not at all it didnt feel wrong or i was not jealous in any way shape or form i did enjoy watching the action but the other male did seem to be very dominant and cutting me out of trying to get involved again wich led to the sidelined feeling but wasnt at all because i felt inadequate in anyway think we might choose less dominant male another time around as we both have agreed that that was not for us the other male being so dominant and think it did affect the dynamic of the situation as i said we were dipping our toes and we think it just needs slight tweaking to make it a more enjoyable experience

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Anyway just thought i would post a genuine honest query and i am grateful for all the input that people have given much appreciated it has helped a lot thanks again

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By *lacksausageMan over a year ago

Birmingham Airport

Erm, are we talking of mmf or MFM?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Firstly I would suggest you stay talking to each other every time you play involving others. That way both of you know how the other feels, which is of course very important, your likes and dislikes.

Every time will probably be different, so the dynamics can change. But don't just sit back and watch...move to your wife."

I think that was the ossue whilst i had moved back to watch for a while all well and good because he was dominant i actually attempted to move back to the action as my partner was looking towards me and gestured with her hand for me to join back in as i moved in to join back in he would (how can i put it) for want of a better phrase move so as to limit my options if you get what i mean

Wich negated my involvement think we just need to choose a less dominant male next time lol

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By *rsFine-MrBallsCouple over a year ago

markinch

"Hello we have been swinging a while now but only ffm the other night we ventured into the mmf scenario.

I think it had a lot to do with the other male being more experienced as well and he was guiding the situation as such any thoughts advice

As i have said though there was no jealousy or bad feeling in the slightest

Just asking, but im sure theres been times when your mrs has been left out during your fmf meets, how did she feel,

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Talking from the female perspective , where possible I maintain eye contact with my OH during an MMF. That maintains for me that he's happy with everything.

Yes we have sat an discussed it and decided what we were happy with and were not lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Every time will probably be different, so the dynamics can change. But don't just sit back and watch...move to your wife.

Wich negated my involvement think we just need to choose a less dominant male next time lol"

I'd call that rude, not dominant.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Every time will probably be different, so the dynamics can change. But don't just sit back and watch...move to your wife.

Wich negated my involvement think we just need to choose a less dominant male next time lol

I'd call that rude, not dominant.

Lol well we were in 2 minds lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Speaking as a single male with a bit of MMF experience 'of course the guy would take over' is definitely not how I feel.

For me part of the experience is the fact both parties enjoy seeing their wife with another sexual partner. If all both of them weren't enjoying it then I wouldn't be enjoying it. It's part of a bigger picture that turns me on to know everyone is enjoying it. Plus I love watching the chemistry between a man and his wife/girlfriend fucking like animals because they're turned on by the presence of an extra partner.

I'd get back on the horse but maybe with more communication or a more experienced third male.

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By *lacksausageMan over a year ago

Birmingham Airport

Let's call a spade a spade:

In a typical straight mmf scenario, the single guy does not give a fuck about the male half. However, courtesy demands that you are nice, respectful and INCLUSIVE towards him.

The ideal meet after all would be a one on one or serious group fuck where for instance there are 4 women and say 8 or 10 guys, couples or no couples involved.

My view, anyway.

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By *manda63Woman over a year ago

Southampton

Lots of good advice here and lots to think about.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm surprised more people haven't mentioned the wife's involvement in this!

The few mmf's I've done both with my partner and friends, I've tried to be aware of what both guys are doing. And not doing, if one guy stops and sits back, I always check with them if they are ok.

And usually encourage them to get back involved.

In an mmf either the wife can just lay there or not have idle hands/mouth!!

There's no reason why both guys can't equally get attention?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My view is that as a single guy in a straight mmf you are fulfilling a couples fantasy or desire and it is incumbent to make sure that both the male and female get what they want out of it. This means talking to both to ensure both are happy in the situation. Sometimes both have specific ideas about the play that break up the flow but you go with the flow. As someone said above there is a difference between dominance and rudeness. So don't give up but play with people who have good veris or better still come personally recommended.

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