FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > "Nice Guy" label Not Very Nice!
"Nice Guy" label Not Very Nice!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just want to bring this up here a bit and share, maybe some of you here have similar experiences before too.
Ever think sometimes that being called a "nice guy/great friend" at Fab socials by people doesn't usually work out for you all the time? People go on about how single guys can be rude and such, but last night I got quite frankly insulted by a couple, of all things.
Basically we were at a social and we've met before in the past just to chat and mingle a little. And last night the couple told me "ohh we've kept an eye on you for a while now, we'd really love to play with you and you're a very nice guy, but we don't play with single guys alone so perhaps if you can pull another girl or a couple along with you from this social tonight we'd bring you home and fuck your brains out!"
Saw it as a challenge at first, until I realised that at said social that night I was only one out of two single guys there. Everyone else were couples (no I didn't know that beforehand) and all of them were just there for each other (their own partners/other couples). Got to the point that I couldn't join into conversations properly because I was always the third wheel and some couples were giving off vibes that they were so far up each other's arses that night. Whatever idea I had of just going out to enjoy the night at the social was just wrecked from that point seeing as I was reduced to being a mere fly on the wall.
Just want to say that there are couples on here who swing only because the male half wants to get a girl "openly" without cheating. Hell, the couple that called me a "good guy/nice friend" was one such couple, the male half even told me in private that "should you have trouble pulling any of the couples you should try going behind the husbands/boyfriends and pull the girls alone". Like WTF, if my value to you is only as good as whether I have a girl on my arm or not and yet you still talk as though you're interested in me then you can go and kindly stuff your arrogance where the sun don't shine!
And being known to be a "solid lad/nice guy" somehow really doesn't pay off on Fab, at least in my experience here so far. Everyone wants to get to know you, press the flesh shake hands mingle have a laugh, but the moment the talk gets serious about whether there might be any chemistry between me as a single guy and them (single girls/couples) they all just choke on themselves. I can take rejection as in "sorry we don't play with single guys", but to try and sweeten the rejection by going "ohh you're such a nice guy and good lad here but..." just smacks of hypocrisy and patronising talk. Like oh I'm good enough only as a +1 to the social and for the banter with you all but not good enough to play with? Even on a night out without the agenda to pull one would still expect that one is actually sexually attractive to someone out there without just being minimised to a mere social role. That's why I'm on Fab isn't it, to engage in NSA fun with willing participants? Honesty and candidness is in such short supply of late!
Rant over  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well if the purpose of your post was to get rid of the nice guy label OP - you succeeded. Total lack discretion. Swinging really isn't for you. Sounds like you are way too sensitive for this lifestyle. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well if the purpose of your post was to get rid of the nice guy label OP - you succeeded. Total lack discretion. Swinging really isn't for you. Sounds like you are way too sensitive for this lifestyle. "
Total lack of discretion like how? I've been doing this for five years now and had my fair share of fun. Doesn't mean I don't get stupid situations and scenarios like the one I described here once in a while. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well if the purpose of your post was to get rid of the nice guy label OP - you succeeded. Total lack discretion. Swinging really isn't for you. Sounds like you are way too sensitive for this lifestyle. "
 |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
way to burn those bridges theres..... thats a lot of people who were at that social who now may have need been so far up there arses and having a good time that you now insulted in one post....
i always say people in the end have to help themselves "help themselves"...... this isn't going to help you!!!!
anyway... back to the original premise
if a could had said that to me..... i would have answered it differently...
so here is my stock answer.... if I am not good enough for you to play with as a single.... then why the hell would i want to play with you if i were in a couple!!!!
there is a different between wanting play partners and wanting a live body.....
ther fact that you didn't say "nope I have enough self confidence in myself" and you played their game says as much about you as it did about them......
so much for a bit of dignity then!!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well if the purpose of your post was to get rid of the nice guy label OP - you succeeded. Total lack discretion. Swinging really isn't for you. Sounds like you are way too sensitive for this lifestyle.
Total lack of discretion like how? I've been doing this for five years now and had my fair share of fun. Doesn't mean I don't get stupid situations and scenarios like the one I described here once in a while. "
Slagging off the couple who you were talking to because things didn't go your own way. Very immature and indiscreet behaviour. Pathetic! ! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"way to burn those bridges theres..... thats a lot of people who were at that social who now may have need been so far up there arses and having a good time that you now insulted in one post....
i always say people in the end have to help themselves "help themselves"...... this isn't going to help you!!!!
anyway... back to the original premise
if a could had said that to me..... i would have answered it differently...
so here is my stock answer.... if I am not good enough for you to play with as a single.... then why the hell would i want to play with you if i were in a couple!!!!
there is a different between wanting play partners and wanting a live body.....
ther fact that you didn't say "nope I have enough self confidence in myself" and you played their game says as much about you as it did about them......
so much for a bit of dignity then!!!!!"
Actually I did. I left early that night after telling the couple that "if I pull I pull, if I don't it doesn't matter to me because I'm here as just me and I hope you two can find someone else." |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Were there any names mentioned here? Any name and shame? You seem to have quite a big axe to grind with me for someone who doesn't even know me at all.
Don't like what you read, don't comment here. Nobody needs a hidden profile to come and proselytise to people here if you don't even dare show yourself to the world here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ok, what am I missing?
So far, got that a lot of couples turned up to socialise with other couples. Which they did. ( which means they are up their own arse because they didn't socialise with you).
Another couple, in advance, set you the challenge of finding someone else to play with you. You happily accepted this challenge until you saw it would be hard to do on the night. When they wouldn't play with unless you could do what they asked they transformed into being patronising because they think you're nice but don't want an MMF with you.
The couples specification does seem a little cheeky but maybe in the context of the chat it could actually be them explaining their preference and how you could fit into it?
Other than that it all sounds like sour grapes because people are happy to chat but won't swing with you?
Bx |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"
Actually I did. I left early that night after telling the couple that "if I pull I pull, if I don't it doesn't matter to me because I'm here as just me and I hope you two can find someone else." "
and what you also did is slag of a lot of innocent people at the social based of your perceptions.... which is really unfair!!!! 
you'll never know if any of thoses couples did meet men.... and if they did, you blew that bridge up........
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well if the purpose of your post was to get rid of the nice guy label OP - you succeeded. Total lack discretion. Swinging really isn't for you. Sounds like you are way too sensitive for this lifestyle. "
..
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Ok, what am I missing?
So far, got that a lot of couples turned up to socialise with other couples. Which they did. ( which means they are up their own arse because they didn't socialise with you).
Another couple, in advance, set you the challenge of finding someone else to play with you. You happily accepted this challenge until you saw it would be hard to do on the night. When they wouldn't play with unless you could do what they asked they transformed into being patronising because they think you're nice but don't want an MMF with you.
The couples specification does seem a little cheeky but maybe in the context of the chat it could actually be them explaining their preference and how you could fit into it?
Other than that it all sounds like sour grapes because people are happy to chat but won't swing with you?
Bx"
I knew the majority of the people at the social, we've all met around before and chatted and they've quite politely indicated their non-interest in single guys on their profiles which I duly took note of. With them I was quite fine. To be fair I wasn't that angry at being left out of conversations and such with those people whom I already know have no interest in me.
If people are happy to chat but won't swing with me I'm alright, like I already said. Just don't need to get lines about being "a good lad/nice guy but..." from them as though it's supposed to mean anything at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I knew the majority of the people at the social, we've all met around before and chatted and they've quite politely indicated their non-interest in single guys on their profiles which I duly took note of. With them I was quite fine. To be fair I wasn't that angry at being left out of conversations and such with those people whom I already know have no interest in me.
If people are happy to chat but won't swing with me I'm alright, like I already said. Just don't need to get lines about being "a good lad/nice guy but..." from them as though it's supposed to mean anything at all. "
Couldn't it mean that they think you're a nice guy to socialise with (it was a social after all) but they can't see themselves swinging with you.
As opposed to 'look mate we won't swing with you or talk to you because we think you're a sick'
I can see some people/couples wanting to make that distinction clear because they know people's egos are on the line and it's nice to sweeten the pill a bit.
You can't make people want to swing with you, it's too personal a choice and if you get bitter when they don't then it does perhaps raise questions around suitability? Just a thought, after all you did post this in a public forum and presumably expected other views?
Bx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I knew the majority of the people at the social, we've all met around before and chatted and they've quite politely indicated their non-interest in single guys on their profiles which I duly took note of. With them I was quite fine. To be fair I wasn't that angry at being left out of conversations and such with those people whom I already know have no interest in me.
If people are happy to chat but won't swing with me I'm alright, like I already said. Just don't need to get lines about being "a good lad/nice guy but..." from them as though it's supposed to mean anything at all.
Couldn't it mean that they think you're a nice guy to socialise with (it was a social after all) but they can't see themselves swinging with you.
As opposed to 'look mate we won't swing with you or talk to you because we think you're a sick'
I can see some people/couples wanting to make that distinction clear because they know people's egos are on the line and it's nice to sweeten the pill a bit.
You can't make people want to swing with you, it's too personal a choice and if you get bitter when they don't then it does perhaps raise questions around suitability? Just a thought, after all you did post this in a public forum and presumably expected other views?
Bx"
I'm open to other views here since I did post this in a forum. But perhaps too many here are mistaking me for whining about rejection when in reality I'm just upset about having a "nice guy" label on me as though it's something bad when it comes to swinging.
Like okay, I'm good enough as a social mate and to see and hang around but I'm not your type to swing with? Sure no probs, just say that I'm not your type and I will quite happily accept it as reality I cannot change (not begrudging personal preferences here). What I don't like nor understand is how people need to sweeten things up and in the process end up making me feel bad instead because of the "nice guy" label.
Besides, it does bring up the thought of whether being known as a nice guy might to some people connotate with being too soft or passive and therefore undesirable? That's the sneaky feeling I get here when I hear such compliments thrown my way too often. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find having zero expectations of others behaviour a great help in adjusting to the life of a single male swinger.
The ability to be amused by others behaviour also serves me well.
Annoyance generally breed contempt and bitterness. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Were there any names mentioned here? Any name and shame? You seem to have quite a big axe to grind with me for someone who doesn't even know me at all.
Don't like what you read, don't comment here. Nobody needs a hidden profile to come and proselytise to people here if you don't even dare show yourself to the world here. "
No axe to grind sweetie so sorry to piss on your chips but you aren't that important to me.
This is a public forum and you have no control over what people post or the direction this thread will take. Just like you have no control over whether I have hidden my profile or who couples chose to play with. Mmm control issues much. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just want to bring this up here a bit and share, maybe some of you here have similar experiences before too.
Ever think sometimes that being called a "nice guy/great friend" at Fab socials by people doesn't usually work out for you all the time? People go on about how single guys can be rude and such, but last night I got quite frankly insulted by a couple, of all things.
Basically we were at a social and we've met before in the past just to chat and mingle a little. And last night the couple told me "ohh we've kept an eye on you for a while now, we'd really love to play with you and you're a very nice guy, but we don't play with single guys alone so perhaps if you can pull another girl or a couple along with you from this social tonight we'd bring you home and fuck your brains out!"
Saw it as a challenge at first, until I realised that at said social that night I was only one out of two single guys there. Everyone else were couples (no I didn't know that beforehand) and all of them were just there for each other (their own partners/other couples). Got to the point that I couldn't join into conversations properly because I was always the third wheel and some couples were giving off vibes that they were so far up each other's arses that night. Whatever idea I had of just going out to enjoy the night at the social was just wrecked from that point seeing as I was reduced to being a mere fly on the wall.
Just want to say that there are couples on here who swing only because the male half wants to get a girl "openly" without cheating. Hell, the couple that called me a "good guy/nice friend" was one such couple, the male half even told me in private that "should you have trouble pulling any of the couples you should try going behind the husbands/boyfriends and pull the girls alone". Like WTF, if my value to you is only as good as whether I have a girl on my arm or not and yet you still talk as though you're interested in me then you can go and kindly stuff your arrogance where the sun don't shine!
And being known to be a "solid lad/nice guy" somehow really doesn't pay off on Fab, at least in my experience here so far. Everyone wants to get to know you, press the flesh shake hands mingle have a laugh, but the moment the talk gets serious about whether there might be any chemistry between me as a single guy and them (single girls/couples) they all just choke on themselves. I can take rejection as in "sorry we don't play with single guys", but to try and sweeten the rejection by going "ohh you're such a nice guy and good lad here but..." just smacks of hypocrisy and patronising talk. Like oh I'm good enough only as a +1 to the social and for the banter with you all but not good enough to play with? Even on a night out without the agenda to pull one would still expect that one is actually sexually attractive to someone out there without just being minimised to a mere social role. That's why I'm on Fab isn't it, to engage in NSA fun with willing participants? Honesty and candidness is in such short supply of late!
Rant over "
I think you were unfortunate in the fact you were only one of two guys there but I also think that be classed as a nice guy is not an insult but the bottom line is swingers are couples and they don't need you so what they say is in reference to what they need in the future rather than then ,this is what I've always said about clubs a single guy is just a spare part to be used or not as the case may be  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You might not be seen as a viable contributor because you don't have a woman to throw into the ring. "
Finally someone understands me and what I meant! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You might not be seen as a viable contributor because you don't have a woman to throw into the ring.
Finally someone understands me and what I meant!"
But if you have been doing this for years, surely you can't be surprised by how single guys are treated by SOME couples ?
It is what it is
A single male revolution will never succeed
Straighten your back and go and find people who ARE on the same page as you
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Swinging can be a minefield of insecurities and frustrations - but if you are able to withstand the knocked it can also be amazing - hopefully you will have a better experience next time. There are lots of couples who like threesomes with a single guy. M x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Swinging can be a minefield of insecurities and frustrations - but if you are able to withstand the knocked it can also be amazing - hopefully you will have a better experience next time. There are lots of couples who like threesomes with a single guy. M x"
Just blowing off steam here. I won't get knocked down so easily like this.  thank you for your kind words. |
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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago
Hereford |
"You might not be seen as a viable contributor because you don't have a woman to throw into the ring.
Finally someone understands me and what I meant!
But if you have been doing this for years, surely you can't be surprised by how single guys are treated by SOME couples ?
It is what it is
A single male revolution will never succeed
Straighten your back and go and find people who ARE on the same page as you
"
Well, exactly.
Some people are twats - were I you in that conversation, I probably would have nodded politley and smiled and made a mental note that they were awful and avoided them in the future.
(on a side note, apparently, I'm less subtle at this than I think - my best mate says that she can tell my "Oh my GOD, you're a dick" smile at 100 paces...) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Well, exactly.
Some people are twats - were I you in that conversation, I probably would have nodded politley and smiled and made a mental note that they were awful and avoided them in the future.
(on a side note, apparently, I'm less subtle at this than I think - my best mate says that she can tell my "Oh my GOD, you're a dick" smile at 100 paces...)"
Hahaha!!  |
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"Just want to bring this up here a bit and share, maybe some of you here have similar experiences before too.
Ever think sometimes that being called a "nice guy/great friend" at Fab socials by people doesn't usually work out for you all the time? People go on about how single guys can be rude and such, but last night I got quite frankly insulted by a couple, of all things.
Basically we were at a social and we've met before in the past just to chat and mingle a little. And last night the couple told me "ohh we've kept an eye on you for a while now, we'd really love to play with you and you're a very nice guy, but we don't play with single guys alone so perhaps if you can pull another girl or a couple along with you from this social tonight we'd bring you home and fuck your brains out!"
Saw it as a challenge at first, until I realised that at said social that night I was only one out of two single guys there. Everyone else were couples (no I didn't know that beforehand) and all of them were just there for each other (their own partners/other couples). Got to the point that I couldn't join into conversations properly because I was always the third wheel and some couples were giving off vibes that they were so far up each other's arses that night. Whatever idea I had of just going out to enjoy the night at the social was just wrecked from that point seeing as I was reduced to being a mere fly on the wall.
Just want to say that there are couples on here who swing only because the male half wants to get a girl "openly" without cheating. Hell, the couple that called me a "good guy/nice friend" was one such couple, the male half even told me in private that "should you have trouble pulling any of the couples you should try going behind the husbands/boyfriends and pull the girls alone". Like WTF, if my value to you is only as good as whether I have a girl on my arm or not and yet you still talk as though you're interested in me then you can go and kindly stuff your arrogance where the sun don't shine!
And being known to be a "solid lad/nice guy" somehow really doesn't pay off on Fab, at least in my experience here so far. Everyone wants to get to know you, press the flesh shake hands mingle have a laugh, but the moment the talk gets serious about whether there might be any chemistry between me as a single guy and them (single girls/couples) they all just choke on themselves. I can take rejection as in "sorry we don't play with single guys", but to try and sweeten the rejection by going "ohh you're such a nice guy and good lad here but..." just smacks of hypocrisy and patronising talk. Like oh I'm good enough only as a +1 to the social and for the banter with you all but not good enough to play with? Even on a night out without the agenda to pull one would still expect that one is actually sexually attractive to someone out there without just being minimised to a mere social role. That's why I'm on Fab isn't it, to engage in NSA fun with willing participants? Honesty and candidness is in such short supply of late!
Rant over I think you were unfortunate in the fact you were only one of two guys there but I also think that be classed as a nice guy is not an insult but the bottom line is swingers are couples and they don't need you so what they say is in reference to what they need in the future rather than then ,this is what I've always said about clubs a single guy is just a spare part to be used or not as the case may be "
Eh hem, not all couples are up their own arse. We started on here as singles, so are aware of how the land lies. We too are acutely aware of how many couples act and find them difficult to deal with at clubs etc, so we don't tend to go .... couples who are secure with themselves and with each other are easy to spot, as they don't put single guys down .... |
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By *lighty1Woman
over a year ago
You Dont Need to Know, right now |
Don't see the 'nice guy' label as a disadvantage. I like nice guys, and I only play with nice guys. However, the couple's dynamic is very different, and you have to accept that many couples have a personal rule that they will only play if both halves of the couple have someone to play with.
You chose an unfortunate turn of phrase, to describe this as couples being 'up each other's arses' - for most couples, this is simply a boundary that they have set for themselves. And it was certainly wrong for the male of the couple to suggest that you should try to pull the female of a different couple behind their husband's or boyfriend's back. This is totally against the honesty and respect which is the ethos of swinging for all the swinging couples I know.
As you know, none of us are sexually attractive to everyone, so we all have to face rejection at some points. And I guess that particular social just didn't have the mix of couples/females who were looking for single men. Personally, I like it when the rejection is sweetened somewhat. "You're very pretty but not for me" is a lot better than a blunt no thanks.
So don't take it to heart that you have been called a 'nice guy'. What's the alternative, after all? You definitely don't want to get the reputation of being a bastard or a cheat, that would significantly reduce your chances of getting meets.
Chin up, and I hope the next social has a mix of people which are more suited to the type of encounter you are looking for. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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OHH no no no I'm not generalising that all the couples were up their own arses. Some were, some weren't. It was just the general atmosphere of the social that seemed so couple-centric that it became stifling and very uncomfortable for me as a single male. And I wasn't the only one, the other lone single male that night was also getting the same treatment as I was, not sure how he took things as I chose to leave early and suffer the nonsense no more.
But thanks for your words. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Op you did nothing wrong at the social. It's just the way the chips fall sometimes. The couples are trying to be polite by calling you a nice guy. There was no malice intended.
Just don't back to anymore socials and stay strong
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh for fucks sake, your one sentence away from trying 'negging'.
Swinging is not an easy way to get sex.
Repeat, Swinging is not about getting easy sex.
If the grand sum of your aim is to get your end away, this is the worst place to do it. Everyone with a vagina (and, for the record, those of us with a perceived willing vagina substitute) have a ton of options.
Nobody owes you anything. They certainly don't owe you shit here, where anybody who wants to have sex with men have...well, options actually barely begins to describe it. This is a largely hetrosexual community and I'm more popular here than on Grindr.
Drop the nice guy shit. 'I'm not a thug, therefore the ladies will like me' is Disney Movie bollocks, and you should of stopped caring about it about the same time you let Chip 'n Dale, Rescue Rangers go. Do you want to have sex with the nice but nerdy fat girl who can't look you in the eyes? No. No you don't. That's you, maybe, I guess, from that post. Take a big long look in the mirror, ask yourself *why* you aren't attracting the people you want to attract, and then go about fixing that. Lack confidence? Push yourself to get some. Lack physical skill? Push that. Just.....fucking, do something that's not looking at a fucking swingers forum and going 'grrrrrr'.
Being sexy is a result of who *you are*, not what *you want*. The key part of the word 'attractive' is 'attract'. And that means more than filling out a sign up form. Anyone can do that, most of us here have done that. Sexy means something about who you are, and if you don't feel attractive for whatever reason...well, address that first, and the rest will fall into place. It'll help a damn sight more than your sex life, believe me. |
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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago
Hereford |
"Oh for fucks sake, your one sentence away from trying 'negging'.
Swinging is not an easy way to get sex.
Repeat, Swinging is not about getting easy sex.
If the grand sum of your aim is to get your end away, this is the worst place to do it. Everyone with a vagina (and, for the record, those of us with a perceived willing vagina substitute) have a ton of options.
Nobody owes you anything. They certainly don't owe you shit here, where anybody who wants to have sex with men have...well, options actually barely begins to describe it. This is a largely hetrosexual community and I'm more popular here than on Grindr.
Drop the nice guy shit. 'I'm not a thug, therefore the ladies will like me' is Disney Movie bollocks, and you should of stopped caring about it about the same time you let Chip 'n Dale, Rescue Rangers go. Do you want to have sex with the nice but nerdy fat girl who can't look you in the eyes? No. No you don't. That's you, maybe, I guess, from that post. Take a big long look in the mirror, ask yourself *why* you aren't attracting the people you want to attract, and then go about fixing that. Lack confidence? Push yourself to get some. Lack physical skill? Push that. Just.....fucking, do something that's not looking at a fucking swingers forum and going 'grrrrrr'.
Being sexy is a result of who *you are*, not what *you want*. The key part of the word 'attractive' is 'attract'. And that means more than filling out a sign up form. Anyone can do that, most of us here have done that. Sexy means something about who you are, and if you don't feel attractive for whatever reason...well, address that first, and the rest will fall into place. It'll help a damn sight more than your sex life, believe me. "
D
Did you read the OP? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Op it just sounds like that particular social didn't suit you that's all.
Some are good, with good chemistry and mix of couples/fuck buddies.
And some not so good, where you feel you spent a wasted evening.
It's no big deal, and certainly nothing to get steamed up on here about!
You might find your next social is great fun, and you meet lots of couples looking for a fun 'nice' single guy!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I skim read the op. I responded with a wall of text.
And now I look like a tit.
Some meme about devil and details seems to be appropriate here.
....Sorry. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I knew the majority of the people at the social, we've all met around before and chatted and they've quite politely indicated their non-interest in single guys on their profiles which I duly took note of. With them I was quite fine. To be fair I wasn't that angry at being left out of conversations and such with those people whom I already know have no interest in me.
If people are happy to chat but won't swing with me I'm alright, like I already said. Just don't need to get lines about being "a good lad/nice guy but..." from them as though it's supposed to mean anything at all.
Couldn't it mean that they think you're a nice guy to socialise with (it was a social after all) but they can't see themselves swinging with you.
As opposed to 'look mate we won't swing with you or talk to you because we think you're a sick'
I can see some people/couples wanting to make that distinction clear because they know people's egos are on the line and it's nice to sweeten the pill a bit.
You can't make people want to swing with you, it's too personal a choice and if you get bitter when they don't then it does perhaps raise questions around suitability? Just a thought, after all you did post this in a public forum and presumably expected other views?
Bx
I'm open to other views here since I did post this in a forum. But perhaps too many here are mistaking me for whining about rejection when in reality I'm just upset about having a "nice guy" label on me as though it's something bad when it comes to swinging.
Like okay, I'm good enough as a social mate and to see and hang around but I'm not your type to swing with? Sure no probs, just say that I'm not your type and I will quite happily accept it as reality I cannot change (not begrudging personal preferences here). What I don't like nor understand is how people need to sweeten things up and in the process end up making me feel bad instead because of the "nice guy" label.
Besides, it does bring up the thought of whether being known as a nice guy might to some people connotate with being too soft or passive and therefore undesirable? That's the sneaky feeling I get here when I hear such compliments thrown my way too often. "
Why feel the need to sweeten the decline? How are they supposed to know how you're going to react? From what you've said you'd take it on the chin and be dignified. Others wouldn't. And a having received pissed off mail from saying no thanks on here, I personally would rather not have that sort of nasty Ness brought out by a bruised ego, face to face, as well as infront oc others.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I skim read the op. I responded with a wall of text.
And now I look like a tit.
Some meme about devil and details seems to be appropriate here.
....Sorry. "
Bloody well done for having the metal to apologise!
I hope it's politely accepted. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Apology accepted. Didn't mean to wind anyone up here with my post.
And thanks for all the kind words. Sometimes a guy just needs reassurance that he isn't doing something wrong or thinking something wrong when he tries his best to do things right but the pieces just don't fall into place correctly. |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"Just want to bring this up here a bit and share, maybe some of you here have similar experiences before too.
Ever think sometimes that being called a "nice guy/great friend" at Fab socials by people doesn't usually work out for you all the time? People go on about how single guys can be rude and such, but last night I got quite frankly insulted by a couple, of all things.
Basically we were at a social and we've met before in the past just to chat and mingle a little. And last night the couple told me "ohh we've kept an eye on you for a while now, we'd really love to play with you and you're a very nice guy, but we don't play with single guys alone so perhaps if you can pull another girl or a couple along with you from this social tonight we'd bring you home and fuck your brains out!"
Saw it as a challenge at first, until I realised that at said social that night I was only one out of two single guys there. Everyone else were couples (no I didn't know that beforehand) and all of them were just there for each other (their own partners/other couples). Got to the point that I couldn't join into conversations properly because I was always the third wheel and some couples were giving off vibes that they were so far up each other's arses that night. Whatever idea I had of just going out to enjoy the night at the social was just wrecked from that point seeing as I was reduced to being a mere fly on the wall.
Just want to say that there are couples on here who swing only because the male half wants to get a girl "openly" without cheating. Hell, the couple that called me a "good guy/nice friend" was one such couple, the male half even told me in private that "should you have trouble pulling any of the couples you should try going behind the husbands/boyfriends and pull the girls alone". Like WTF, if my value to you is only as good as whether I have a girl on my arm or not and yet you still talk as though you're interested in me then you can go and kindly stuff your arrogance where the sun don't shine!
And being known to be a "solid lad/nice guy" somehow really doesn't pay off on Fab, at least in my experience here so far. Everyone wants to get to know you, press the flesh shake hands mingle have a laugh, but the moment the talk gets serious about whether there might be any chemistry between me as a single guy and them (single girls/couples) they all just choke on themselves. I can take rejection as in "sorry we don't play with single guys", but to try and sweeten the rejection by going "ohh you're such a nice guy and good lad here but..." just smacks of hypocrisy and patronising talk. Like oh I'm good enough only as a +1 to the social and for the banter with you all but not good enough to play with? Even on a night out without the agenda to pull one would still expect that one is actually sexually attractive to someone out there without just being minimised to a mere social role. That's why I'm on Fab isn't it, to engage in NSA fun with willing participants? Honesty and candidness is in such short supply of late!
Rant over "
You're not my type you ugly, horrible bastard!
Is that the kind of rejection you want? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
You're not my type you ugly, horrible bastard!
Is that the kind of rejection you want? "
"You're not my type" is perfectly alright. Anything after that is just bullshitting, be it in the nice let-down kind of way or just pure malice like the one you said. And if anyone said that to me I'd just shrug at them and say "takes one to know one!" |
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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago
Hereford |
"Apology accepted. Didn't mean to wind anyone up here with my post.
And thanks for all the kind words. Sometimes a guy just needs reassurance that he isn't doing something wrong or thinking something wrong when he tries his best to do things right but the pieces just don't fall into place correctly. "
Why apologise?
It was a decent enough OP. Stop being so nice.....  |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"
You're not my type you ugly, horrible bastard!
Is that the kind of rejection you want?
"You're not my type" is perfectly alright. Anything after that is just bullshitting, be it in the nice let-down kind of way or just pure malice like the one you said. And if anyone said that to me I'd just shrug at them and say "takes one to know one!" "
But what if they genuinely thought you were a nice guy and wanted you to know it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
You're not my type you ugly, horrible bastard!
Is that the kind of rejection you want?
"You're not my type" is perfectly alright. Anything after that is just bullshitting, be it in the nice let-down kind of way or just pure malice like the one you said. And if anyone said that to me I'd just shrug at them and say "takes one to know one!" "
There was a thread not too long ago from a guy who was angry at being told he wasn't someone's "type." Now there is this thread where a guy would rather be told he isn't someone's type than that he is a "good guy."
In the end I guess people will just pick apart whatever is said to them. That couple you mention don't sound like they went about it the right way, judging purely from your half of the story, but maybe they prefer the dynamic of an mfmf to a mfm. Maybe they weren't that attracted to you and wanted to let you down gently. Maybe they really thought you were nice, as in your personality, but the sexual chemistry wasn't there?
I just feel like no matter what is said, whether straight forward or letting down gently, someone isn't going to be happy with it. Just look for people who are a better match for you and forget those who aren't.
-Courtney |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
You're not my type you ugly, horrible bastard!
Is that the kind of rejection you want?
"You're not my type" is perfectly alright. Anything after that is just bullshitting, be it in the nice let-down kind of way or just pure malice like the one you said. And if anyone said that to me I'd just shrug at them and say "takes one to know one!"
There was a thread not too long ago from a guy who was angry at being told he wasn't someone's "type." Now there is this thread where a guy would rather be told he isn't someone's type than that he is a "good guy."
In the end I guess people will just pick apart whatever is said to them. That couple you mention don't sound like they went about it the right way, judging purely from your half of the story, but maybe they prefer the dynamic of an mfmf to a mfm. Maybe they weren't that attracted to you and wanted to let you down gently. Maybe they really thought you were nice, as in your personality, but the sexual chemistry wasn't there?
I just feel like no matter what is said, whether straight forward or letting down gently, someone isn't going to be happy with it. Just look for people who are a better match for you and forget those who aren't.
-Courtney "
I sometimes think being horny interferes with the brain and the brain says yes do it a lot more than it should  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
You're not my type you ugly, horrible bastard!
Is that the kind of rejection you want?
"You're not my type" is perfectly alright. Anything after that is just bullshitting, be it in the nice let-down kind of way or just pure malice like the one you said. And if anyone said that to me I'd just shrug at them and say "takes one to know one!"
But what if they genuinely thought you were a nice guy and wanted you to know it? "
Then I'd appreciate the gesture. I guess what made the compliment so loaded was the fact that the couple all but said I was a nice guy for them but for the fact that I'm single and don't have a girl to come along with me to play with them both.
I've had enough compliments on here to know who and what I am to be honest. If you know me in person you'd know me to be brutally honest and candid and social with the right people. I guess people here get so used to the fact that there are so many guys on here who are incredibly touchy that sometimes guys like me who are more rough on the sides and prefer straight talk end up being offended that we're treated like eggshells, or worse still we're demeaned in value because we're "nice" and yet against all conventional thinking we aren't having "a bird on our arms". |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"
You're not my type you ugly, horrible bastard!
Is that the kind of rejection you want?
"You're not my type" is perfectly alright. Anything after that is just bullshitting, be it in the nice let-down kind of way or just pure malice like the one you said. And if anyone said that to me I'd just shrug at them and say "takes one to know one!"
But what if they genuinely thought you were a nice guy and wanted you to know it?
Then I'd appreciate the gesture. I guess what made the compliment so loaded was the fact that the couple all but said I was a nice guy for them but for the fact that I'm single and don't have a girl to come along with me to play with them both.
I've had enough compliments on here to know who and what I am to be honest. If you know me in person you'd know me to be brutally honest and candid and social with the right people. I guess people here get so used to the fact that there are so many guys on here who are incredibly touchy that sometimes guys like me who are more rough on the sides and prefer straight talk end up being offended that we're treated like eggshells, or worse still we're demeaned in value because we're "nice" and yet against all conventional thinking we aren't having "a bird on our arms". "
I actually got complimented on my brutal honesty earlier. I just simply said 'you're not my type, sorry'.
While I understand that you might prefer that, I don't think it warranted the almighty rant and insulting the entire turn out of the social lol. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
You're not my type you ugly, horrible bastard!
Is that the kind of rejection you want?
"You're not my type" is perfectly alright. Anything after that is just bullshitting, be it in the nice let-down kind of way or just pure malice like the one you said. And if anyone said that to me I'd just shrug at them and say "takes one to know one!"
But what if they genuinely thought you were a nice guy and wanted you to know it?
Then I'd appreciate the gesture. I guess what made the compliment so loaded was the fact that the couple all but said I was a nice guy for them but for the fact that I'm single and don't have a girl to come along with me to play with them both.
I've had enough compliments on here to know who and what I am to be honest. If you know me in person you'd know me to be brutally honest and candid and social with the right people. I guess people here get so used to the fact that there are so many guys on here who are incredibly touchy that sometimes guys like me who are more rough on the sides and prefer straight talk end up being offended that we're treated like eggshells, or worse still we're demeaned in value because we're "nice" and yet against all conventional thinking we aren't having "a bird on our arms".
I actually got complimented on my brutal honesty earlier. I just simply said 'you're not my type, sorry'.
While I understand that you might prefer that, I don't think it warranted the almighty rant and insulting the entire turn out of the social lol. "
... Mea culpa? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't understand what any of this has to do with being a "nice guy". Wouldn't they have treated you the same if they thought you were a mardy git or just normal? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP, this does sound to me like an unjustified rant. You went to a social as a single man, did not get sex and became upset. It doesn't sound as if anyone insulted or patronised you. Quite the opposite. They were kind enough to call you nice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I hate being called a nice guy even though I think I am!
I get it a lot on dates, which never progress to a second one...
Makes me feel like being a twat |
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By *etLikeMan
over a year ago
most fundamental aspects |
I would be curious to know how many single guys said they were attending that social and didn't. So well done on going and don't let it out you off future ones.
It is a fine line between being that polite "third wheel" in conversations and acting like a predatory shark; circling all the "bait" (the perception, not my words)
When I first started attending socials, I was nervous and did not want to intrude. Thankfully, it was a lovely bunch of people, who brought me into the fold. However, they only did this on realising that I *was* a nice guy. In fact a couple who I went on to play with a lot at their parties, thought I was initially shy. After a few large group sex sessions, I emerged as a confident initiator and was very much in demand. That did not happen overnight - no pun intended. As another poster said, swinging is not easy. It takes work, respect and rapport. The pay off, is mind blowing group sex and very good friends fully clothed too.
Allow me to pose a question OP, if you meet a partner and want to swing with them, how will you react if given the choice of an MMF with a single guy, versus him finding another girl to throw into the mix?
Finally, you do need to be careful; as you've seen by some of the posts. It can take a long time to build a good reputation - only a fraction of that time to lose it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well if the purpose of your post was to get rid of the nice guy label OP - you succeeded. Total lack discretion. Swinging really isn't for you. Sounds like you are way too sensitive for this lifestyle. "
What lack of discretion? No names from what I see.
As for him being suited to swinging - are you his mum or something?
Nope, didn't think so |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you go places where it's couples looking for other couples you're always going to be the nice single man nobody wants to have sex with,because you're not a couple. If you took a female friend there may be couples who don't want to have sex with you because they only meet actual couples. Look for people who are looking for a single man. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well if the purpose of your post was to get rid of the nice guy label OP - you succeeded. Total lack discretion. Swinging really isn't for you. Sounds like you are way too sensitive for this lifestyle.
What lack of discretion? No names from what I see.
As for him being suited to swinging - are you his mum or something?
Nope, didn't think so "
Aww bless you if it needs to be spelt out to you petal. Hilarious! |
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"Were there any names mentioned here? Any name and shame? You seem to have quite a big axe to grind with me for someone who doesn't even know me at all.
Don't like what you read, don't comment here. Nobody needs a hidden profile to come and proselytise to people here if you don't even dare show yourself to the world here. "
Beware the Ides of March, now where have I read that before? |
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By *entkevMan
over a year ago
Dover |
People....I think you're all missing one thing........ FUN.
This is about FUN.
He said..that I said.. that you said... piffle!
Too many sensitive people on this thread... not just the OP.
Now all behave and enjoy XMAS.
Love to you all. Xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Were there any names mentioned here? Any name and shame? You seem to have quite a big axe to grind with me for someone who doesn't even know me at all.
Don't like what you read, don't comment here. Nobody needs a hidden profile to come and proselytise to people here if you don't even dare show yourself to the world here.
Beware the Ides of March, now where have I read that before? "
Julius Caesar. I'm majoring in History at uni. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I would be curious to know how many single guys said they were attending that social and didn't. So well done on going and don't let it out you off future ones.
It is a fine line between being that polite "third wheel" in conversations and acting like a predatory shark; circling all the "bait" (the perception, not my words)
When I first started attending socials, I was nervous and did not want to intrude. Thankfully, it was a lovely bunch of people, who brought me into the fold. However, they only did this on realising that I *was* a nice guy. In fact a couple who I went on to play with a lot at their parties, thought I was initially shy. After a few large group sex sessions, I emerged as a confident initiator and was very much in demand. That did not happen overnight - no pun intended. As another poster said, swinging is not easy. It takes work, respect and rapport. The pay off, is mind blowing group sex and very good friends fully clothed too.
Allow me to pose a question OP, if you meet a partner and want to swing with them, how will you react if given the choice of an MMF with a single guy, versus him finding another girl to throw into the mix?
Finally, you do need to be careful; as you've seen by some of the posts. It can take a long time to build a good reputation - only a fraction of that time to lose it. "
If I met a partner and wanted to swing with them I'd probably feel more comfortable with a MMF than having him go find another girl to throw into the mix. If I wanted a girl as well I'd might as well go for couples straight off the bat. And I'd have been honest about it.
I'm not exactly shy nor am I predatory at socials. Like I said before at the socials where I go to pretty much everyone there knows me and I have too solid a reputation to worry about it being wrecked by a rant like this. Because they know me better that in real life I don't usually gripe about things unless it really felt uncomfortable or wrong to me. I've been around long enough to know my own value so I am way past the whole stage of being desperate.
Interesting point you bought up there about single guys flying kite on the social though. I know more guys were supposed to have attended but that night there simply wasn't any. So that might have been a factor too.
Lastly, I'm not being sensitive here. I'm feeling a lot better now reading all your comments here so thank you. Though some here need to learn some manners and not be so judgemental. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it sucks that you were made to feel like a third wheel at a social where the point is to make friends and chat.
My partner and I socialise at clubs with other fet/swing people quite a bit, often single women or single men. A few people have told us in the past that they really enjoy chatting with us because they *don't* feel like a third wheel. I suspect it's because we're not very touchy feely and we don't live together so we don't come across as a 'unit' - and we're also very much *not* that way inclined.
As far as we're concerned anyone is good to chat to in a club, even if we don't want to have sex with them. And we're friends with *loads* of people who don't meet our requirements. Because every so often our friends - who we don't have sex with - will send someone our way (either as a couple or just to one of us) and we'll get on fabulously and have found a new playmate.
People who shun you because you're a single guy don't really get it. There's every possibility in the future that you might have said to some of your other friends "Oh I met a lovely couple the other month who would really suit your interests - you should chat to them!" and refer someone on. Because that's the benefit of having a friendship network in this kind of lifestyle! Websites like this are just the beginning to make the initial contacts - after that people will just introduce you to others and since they know you in person they'll put a good word in.
Sounds like that couple were really short sighted in not wanting to socialise with you because you didn't have a woman hanging off your arm. Oh well. Hopefully they're finding everything they want anyway. |
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From our point of view, some guys are nice. At a club they come and chat to us, compliment Frisky etc.
However some of them are not what we are looking for or just because of circumstances we don't play.
Some of the guys ask for a verification and we will oblige. Now if the guy is nice, polite, friendly etc we will say so. If he's not Frisky's type we aren't going to say he's hot...
We have arranged to meet people in the past, who on paper are exactly what we are looking for but upon meeting that connection isn't there, doesn't mean they are not a nice person...
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Lastly, I'm not being sensitive here. I'm feeling a lot better now reading all your comments here so thank you. Though some here need to learn some manners and not be so judgemental."
So let me get this correct, you feel people need to learn manners and not be judgemental? But in your OP you judged that couples swing as a way of the guy having sex without cheating and also judged some couples of being up each other's arses. Both comments are judgmental and do not show manners.
People are allowed to make their own choices in swinging, admittedly this couple do sound like they should have done things a little differently. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So the short version of this is
"couple wouldnt play with me because they only meet couples not single guys, i take this as an insult, how dare they call me nice and not fuck me?"
Along with some broad insulting brush strokes to a group of people?
You weren't what they were looking for suck it up and move on.
On the other hand i like being a nice guy, means i get to play with kittens and puppies, people trust me in thier houses, and some even get ice cream in especially for my vist ^_^
Being nice is awesome.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Like oh I'm good enough only as a +1 to the social and for the banter with you all but not good enough to play with?"
Good enough is loading the question but yeah.
My mates from work all great guys, love socialising with them. Would i ever play with them? Jesus christ no.
Same with lots of people on these forums i find them funny would love to meet many of them for a chat and a drink, a ride out,or a laugh and reminisce but theyre not my type (and for many more I'm not their type) so wouldnt entertain the idea of playign with them.
Does that make them "not good enough" no of course not.
Talking to you and enjoying socialisng with you does not mean they are obligated to fuck you. |
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Are you nice to be seen? To be seen? Nice? Be forthcoming and empowered. Shout "I'm in charge!" Keep the game of life. Exclaim "Good game, good game!" Morale? Higher or lower? Higher. Higher! Never be alone. Why? Because there's is nothing like a pair in this game (of life). |
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"I don't mind being called it. I think sometimes it a polite way for someone to say that they're not interested?"
If I say someone is nice it means I think they are nice
They may be a nice person I want to spend time with or one that I don't. I don't use it as a polite way to say anything else.
And what is wrong with being nice? It means you're not a jerk |
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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago
Hereford |
"Nice guys finish last 
In swinging, nice guys finish way ahead of the jerks, wankers and tosspots. "
Really?
I'm not a tosspot, but neither am I nicey nicey, and I do OK. I can recall more than a few arrogant tosspots who seem to do very well in the world of swinging... |
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"Nice guys finish last
In swinging, nice guys finish way ahead of the jerks, wankers and tosspots.
Really?
I'm not a tosspot, but neither am I nicey nicey, and I do OK. I can recall more than a few arrogant tosspots who seem to do very well in the world of swinging..."
Or so they say |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
OP I see it from a totally different view point than you. From your description of the situation I see it as this. The couple did socialise with you as it sounds as though you had at least one conversation with the couple and at least one with the male half.
I would imagine that this couple only play with with other couples. There are many many couples, who only play with other couples and are not interested in an MFM. My guess would be that the wife fancies you, she thinks you are a nice guy, and wants to fuck you. But they only play with other couples, not MFM, so she cant fuck you, unless you have a gf/fb/fwb to bring along for Mr to play with.
If you think about it, it is very similar to how there has to be a 4 way attraction for couples. 3 horny people and 1 disappointed/not horny person just doesnt work, so if thats the case they simply move on to the next couple.
Dont think that being a "nice guy" is the reason they didn't want to play with you. As someone above said, consider the alternative, you really think someone will say "we've been chatting to you for a while, and you seem like a right dickhead, we love playing with dickheads, so why not come back to ours"
As for the other couples, it could be that they play with couples as well as single guys, but as you say there were only 2 single guys, perhaps they didn't fancy either of you, but did fancy some of the couples. Isn't it obvious that they would rather chat to someone that they would like to play with, rather than chatting to someone they dont want to play with? |
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