FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Please please please be honest about
Please please please be honest about
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just feel the need to put a plea out there - to all you people with kinks and quirky desires -be polite and honest right from the start. To try and get what you want by trickery or by pity or manipulation is disgusting and disrespectful and is not doing your own self esteem any good.
I have had the unfortunate pleasure yet again of being taken in by a fabs member - promising that he can meet us and even surpass all our preferences and expectations. After a week of messages and phone calls (and building up the excitement on my part) I am fuming mad with him and myself when he finally trips himself up and we find out
1. He doesn't meet
2. He is on fabs so he can masterbate while ladies talk to him on the phone
3. He wants me to post him my unwashed knickers!
I feel so cross with myself for being taken in by another fake! Why don't these people just write honest profiles and honest messages - that way they might actually get what they want and they wouldn't be spoiling it for people who are not looking for those things??????
My husband says I am too naive and too trusting and maybe fabs is not the best way to make contact with real people - but I want to believe there are enough genuine swingers out there to make it worth our while staying on fabs.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Was he scared off by the cane?
If he doesn't meet I assume he is not verified or only by webcam?
Another ruining it for the genuine new guys struggling to overcome people being sceptical of unverified males!  |
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"There are loads of genuine single men on fab. A few of them frequent the forums too 
Check out their verifications and go from there .
Good luck xx  "
I'd definitely agree - look at meet verifications. If a man hasn't had a meet yesterday or the day before, forget it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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They will never be honest - it's their kinky and their "kick". Same my hubby has given up a long time ago on FabSwingers with people (singles and couples) wanting meets or fun as 85% just want the thrill of arranging and seeing pic's and then never ever turn up... Even telephone calls don't help.
But then again the "real" people are fun, a laugh and make up for some of the time "wasted".
Club meets solve loads of problems as there they can just sit in a corner wanking themselves off talking to you  and have to arrive or no nothing...
Just enjoy Fab .. make the next step and forget about the no meeters ....  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just feel the need to put a plea out there - to all you people with kinks and quirky desires -be polite and honest right from the start. To try and get what you want by trickery or by pity or manipulation is disgusting and disrespectful and is not doing your own self esteem any good.
I have had the unfortunate pleasure yet again of being taken in by a fabs member - promising that he can meet us and even surpass all our preferences and expectations. After a week of messages and phone calls (and building up the excitement on my part) I am fuming mad with him and myself when he finally trips himself up and we find out
1. He doesn't meet
2. He is on fabs so he can masterbate while ladies talk to him on the phone
3. He wants me to post him my unwashed knickers!
I feel so cross with myself for being taken in by another fake! Why don't these people just write honest profiles and honest messages - that way they might actually get what they want and they wouldn't be spoiling it for people who are not looking for those things??????
My husband says I am too naive and too trusting and maybe fabs is not the best way to make contact with real people - but I want to believe there are enough genuine swingers out there to make it worth our while staying on fabs.
"
It's why we don't do chat or cam, any phone contact is with the male half of the couple to arrange to meet...call us boring but phone sex bores us frigid...too many dreamers, wankers and wannabes...Once they've shot their bolt they're not ever going to meet... We're swingers not a free phone sex service... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just feel the need to put a plea out there - to all you people with kinks and quirky desires -be polite and honest right from the start. To try and get what you want by trickery or by pity or manipulation is disgusting and disrespectful and is not doing your own self esteem any good.
I have had the unfortunate pleasure yet again of being taken in by a fabs member - promising that he can meet us and even surpass all our preferences and expectations. After a week of messages and phone calls (and building up the excitement on my part) I am fuming mad with him and myself when he finally trips himself up and we find out
1. He doesn't meet
2. He is on fabs so he can masterbate while ladies talk to him on the phone
3. He wants me to post him my unwashed knickers!
I feel so cross with myself for being taken in by another fake! Why don't these people just write honest profiles and honest messages - that way they might actually get what they want and they wouldn't be spoiling it for people who are not looking for those things??????
My husband says I am too naive and too trusting and maybe fabs is not the best way to make contact with real people - but I want to believe there are enough genuine swingers out there to make it worth our while staying on fabs.
It's why we don't do chat or cam, any phone contact is with the male half of the couple to arrange to meet...call us boring but phone sex bores us frigid...too many dreamers, wankers and wannabes...Once they've shot their bolt they're not ever going to meet... We're swingers not a free phone sex service..."
Ditto. Go for meet verified men only, tough on genuine men who haven't yet managed to get verified, but we're haven't got the time to waste. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are loads of genuine single men on fab. A few of them frequent the forums too
Check out their verifications and go from there .
Good luck xx
I'd definitely agree - look at meet verifications. If a man hasn't had a meet yesterday or the day before, forget it "
Shush you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry to have to say this , but your husband is right .
You have been naive .
When messages etc. ... go beyond a certain point , it's obvious it's an armchair swinger .
We only talk of meeting on the day - and when guts start asking what will she be wearing , what will she do .... We cease communication .
There are loads of lovely hot guts who meet - and there are just as many wankers ( literally ) and it's really not difficult to suss out the real from the dreamer |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry to have to say this , but your husband is right .
You have been naive .
When messages etc. ... go beyond a certain point , it's obvious it's an armchair swinger .
We only talk of meeting on the day - and when guts start asking what will she be wearing , what will she do .... We cease communication .
There are loads of lovely hot guts who meet - and there are just as many wankers ( literally ) and it's really not difficult to suss out the real from the dreamer "
Lot of guts there  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes there are a lot of arm chair swingers, males, females and yes couples.
I tend to look for meet verifications and a definite date or event.
For the record and to be upfront my kinks are women who dress to tease stockings and heels and you have my undivided attention in a good way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry to have to say this , but your husband is right .
You have been naive .
When messages etc. ... go beyond a certain point , it's obvious it's an armchair swinger .
We only talk of meeting on the day - and when guts start asking what will she be wearing , what will she do .... We cease communication .
There are loads of lovely hot guts who meet - and there are just as many wankers ( literally ) and it's really not difficult to suss out the real from the dreamer
Lot of guts there "
Bloody phone ....  |
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We will happily chat by message to people we're never going to meet due to distance for instance but it's clear from the start.
If your husband believes your naivete is the problem maybe he could read the messages etc as you go along and let you know when he thinks things aren't right. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I get it all the time. Sick to death of it. Waste my time talking to men swop numbers etc then a day or so before the meet they delete their account on here and block me on there phone. 9 times out of 10 should think its cos they have a mrs and feel guilty. Why do man feel the need to be on here if they have a mrs?? If ypur not happy in your relationship then have some balls and respect to end it. Others and this has happened twice, have come to mine got what they want and while I'm in the toilet or upstairs sneaked off. Shameful but what do you expect really. That's why now I go to a club and just meet men there. So many time wasters and fakes on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP all I can say is he must be mad to pass up on chance to meet!!
It's men like this that give genuine men who meet a bad name and make this Site infinitely more difficult to use |
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"OP all I can say is he must be mad to pass up on chance to meet!!
It's men like this that give genuine men who meet a bad name and make this Site infinitely more difficult to use"
It really isn't. Genuine men who meet stand out as good against these men. |
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
Treat it as a lesson that you've learnt on your journey.
I would suggest not sending them any pictures other than what you are happy to put on the site, not describing anything you will or have done, just tell them that it's all left to the imagination until you're together. See them on Skype as early in the conversation as you can to make sure that they are who they say they are and that you are attracted to each other.
Personally I find this for me sorts out the players from the dreamers and also saves me alot of time.
It's good to find your own way of achieving what you want to achieve from the site,as we may be after something slightly different to each other, and therefore the way we use the site will be individual too.
Unfortunately situations like you have had are quite common. I hope you feel better about it soon and put it down to experience. |
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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago
Bristol |
Well, we've got kinks and quirky desires, and we are honest and polite...but that's how we are anyway, and it isn't going to rub off on anyone else just because we are how we are.
Sadly, there is nothing you can do to eliminate contact with these sorts of people except for trusting your instincts. |
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"There are loads of genuine single men on fab. A few of them frequent the forums too
Check out their verifications and go from there .
Good luck xx
I'd definitely agree - look at meet verifications. If a man hasn't had a meet yesterday or the day before, forget it
Shush you "
Subtle as a brick, me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just feel the need to put a plea out there - to all you people with kinks and quirky desires -be polite and honest right from the start. To try and get what you want by trickery or by pity or manipulation is disgusting and disrespectful and is not doing your own self esteem any good.
I have had the unfortunate pleasure yet again of being taken in by a fabs member - promising that he can meet us and even surpass all our preferences and expectations. After a week of messages and phone calls (and building up the excitement on my part) I am fuming mad with him and myself when he finally trips himself up and we find out
1. He doesn't meet
2. He is on fabs so he can masterbate while ladies talk to him on the phone
3. He wants me to post him my unwashed knickers!
I feel so cross with myself for being taken in by another fake! Why don't these people just write honest profiles and honest messages - that way they might actually get what they want and they wouldn't be spoiling it for people who are not looking for those things??????
My husband says I am too naive and too trusting and maybe fabs is not the best way to make contact with real people - but I want to believe there are enough genuine swingers out there to make it worth our while staying on fabs.
"
awwww sweety what is the kink he manipulated you with ,some sneaky peeps on here @#$%&***%$#$ |
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Our experience would make your husband right most of the time.
Club meets and meeting face to face solves so many problems, especially if you are short of time and can't be doing with spending hours sifting through msgs and fakes and timewasters to find the genuine ones.
Why not try the fet nights and clubs? There's a few out there |
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Accept that this is a sex site and by the whole nature of such,it will attract a cross section of people,which will include fantasists,dishonest people who lie in order to get what they want and of course wankers..
Your request is unlikely to change anyone,but perhaps you feel better having aired it? best of luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Was he scared off by the cane?
If he doesn't meet I assume he is not verified or only by webcam?
Another ruining it for the genuine new guys struggling to overcome people being sceptical of unverified males! "
 |
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By *not69Man
over a year ago
Lancashire |
Why can't people just be honest. They're far more likely to get what they're looking for. It's hard enough on here as it is without people like that making it harder.
Chin up, your a great couple |
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Sorry to hear you've been lead up the garden path OP.
There is a guy local to you who would love to meet you, he's honest and reliable and well verified, unfortunately he's just over your upper age limit so cannot contact you.  |
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So agree with treat it as a lesson and reading the veris is a very good way to sort out the real from the fakes.
We are actually in the middle of an awkward situation as we are meeting a lovely couple who want to start an adventure with us but we cannot seem to make our diaries work out and we are beginning to hope they don't get put off and think us time wasters as we are very genuine.
Keep looking and good luck
L2 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to fall for all this behaviour from people..
I will not tolerate it anymore, and have decided club meets are the better option for me personally.
I detest the fact that we spend time getting 'to know' a person/persons and they as has been said before are just armchair wannabe swingers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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But then on the other hand, there are those of us who like to discuss kinky ideas with others and plan out what will happen when we meet. It's great fun, I love it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not only is it guys...but couples and singles girls as well....there are some very very genuine guys out there...maybe you should look at your selection process |
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It's why I no longer use Fab to arrange meets, it is just a waste of my time.
I just use Fab to 'advertise' which club I plan to be at and if anyone wants to meet up there all good, if not there are plenty of other people there to chat with and maybe play. |
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By *ick71Man
over a year ago
Chelmsford |
There are lots of fakes on here and its not just guys, as said earlier couples and single women as well. I find if they have verifications then that is some proof but i have been let down so many times like a lot of people i can only sympathise, I know if i had the chance to meet you and we were closer i would jump at it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had this happen countless times with women and couples on here to. I think the more honest and real folk often get overlooked by others for not having enough bullshit.
Why the wankers don't just state that they are only using fab as a masturbatory aid is odd. Just think how much time we'd all save.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I must be lucky I have never arranged a meet and had people disappear on me.
For the op, I would suggest anyone who wants to see more photos of you or has only webcam verifications and although they may be genuine in themselves are probably not going to meet.
I do meet, never ask for more photos than there is to see on their profile. We are all different but wouldn't necessarily discuss how or what I was going to do prior to having already met someone, even if only a social. Like and dislikes, yes. For me, actions speak louder than words, so prefer to leave that sort of thing until we actually play. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is why we only meet single guys in clubs nowadays. We have had too many false starts where guys sound perfect then disappear when the meet is imminent. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But then on the other hand, there are those of us who like to discuss kinky ideas with others and plan out what will happen when we meet. It's great fun, I love it. "
Me too.. but only after I've met them in person to see if we get on.
Wankers/ fantasists don't want to bother meeting in person. It's warmer to stay in and have a wank. |
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"Just feel the need to put a plea out there - to all you people with kinks and quirky desires -be polite and honest right from the start. To try and get what you want by trickery or by pity or manipulation is disgusting and disrespectful and is not doing your own self esteem any good.
I have had the unfortunate pleasure yet again of being taken in by a fabs member - promising that he can meet us and even surpass all our preferences and expectations. After a week of messages and phone calls (and building up the excitement on my part) I am fuming mad with him and myself when he finally trips himself up and we find out
1. He doesn't meet
2. He is on fabs so he can masterbate while ladies talk to him on the phone
3. He wants me to post him my unwashed knickers!
I feel so cross with myself for being taken in by another fake! Why don't these people just write honest profiles and honest messages - that way they might actually get what they want and they wouldn't be spoiling it for people who are not looking for those things??????
My husband says I am too naive and too trusting and maybe fabs is not the best way to make contact with real people - but I want to believe there are enough genuine swingers out there to make it worth our while staying on fabs.
"
I wont do dirty/sexy messages or phone calls, i hold standard conversation as you would with those not on fabs, then i arrange a coffee, if coffee dont happen i cease communication as that just tells me they are time wasters, real people wouldnt have an issue in having a quick coffee social |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Shit happens...
Possibly your husband was right, a certain level of nievety (or maybe you just have a belief in peoples inherent goodness, speaks volumes about you) might be there, plus some downright sneakyness probably didn't help :/
Don't be angry, as suggested above, take it as a learning curve, and take heart, if an idiot like me can meet, there's hope yet |
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"Just feel the need to put a plea out there - to all you people with kinks and quirky desires -be polite and honest right from the start. To try and get what you want by trickery or by pity or manipulation is disgusting and disrespectful and is not doing your own self esteem any good.
I have had the unfortunate pleasure yet again of being taken in by a fabs member - promising that he can meet us and even surpass all our preferences and expectations. After a week of messages and phone calls (and building up the excitement on my part) I am fuming mad with him and myself when he finally trips himself up and we find out
1. He doesn't meet
2. He is on fabs so he can masterbate while ladies talk to him on the phone
3. He wants me to post him my unwashed knickers!
I feel so cross with myself for being taken in by another fake! Why don't these people just write honest profiles and honest messages - that way they might actually get what they want and they wouldn't be spoiling it for people who are not looking for those things??????
My husband says I am too naive and too trusting and maybe fabs is not the best way to make contact with real people - but I want to believe there are enough genuine swingers out there to make it worth our while staying on fabs.
"
. How detailed was his profile . ? Would a fake or dreamer bother to write a decent profile ?. Did you chat on the phone or review his profile for any of the warning signs ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It happens all the time with women and couples too. I would say most are dreamers behind the keyboard, fantasising about the sex meet lol."
Yep , that's us !
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Genuine guy here, not interested in any type of sex talk on any medium, prefer the actual thing, if some one starts with me I tell them to find some one else for their wank fodder |
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"You've got excellent pictures OP - his loss. Why on earth would a single guy not want to play with such a beautiful woman?"
It's not his loss. He got what he wanted......"2. He is on fabs so he can masterbate while ladies talk to him....."
Better selection criteria or clubs, I suppose, is the way forward. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But then on the other hand, there are those of us who like to discuss kinky ideas with others and plan out what will happen when we meet. It's great fun, I love it.
Me too.. but only after I've met them in person to see if we get on.
Wankers/ fantasists don't want to bother meeting in person. It's warmer to stay in and have a wank. "
I love to meet in person |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I get it all the time. Sick to death of it. Waste my time talking to men swop numbers etc then a day or so before the meet they delete their account on here and block me on there phone. 9 times out of 10 should think its cos they have a mrs and feel guilty. Why do man feel the need to be on here if they have a mrs?? If ypur not happy in your relationship then have some balls and respect to end it. Others and this has happened twice, have come to mine got what they want and while I'm in the toilet or upstairs sneaked off. Shameful but what do you expect really. That's why now I go to a club and just meet men there. So many time wasters and fakes on here. "
Did you check the silver after the guys left? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Amazing profile pics OP....what sort of guy on here wouldn't jump at the chance of a meet with you!
She already said "
Ha ha, I. Realised what I'd wrote as soon as I pressed submit, doh.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It happens all the time with women and couples too. I would say most are dreamers behind the keyboard, fantasising about the sex meet lol.
Yep , that's us !
"
Your not dreamers, perhaps just a bit shy and need some caoaxing out of your shells to take that last step between keyboard and the flesh is all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It happens all the time with women and couples too. I would say most are dreamers behind the keyboard, fantasising about the sex meet lol.
Yep , that's us !
Your not dreamers, perhaps just a bit shy and need some caoaxing out of your shells to take that last step between keyboard and the flesh is all "
Yep , we need to work on that .
New Years resolution is to actually get off the internet , and get out into the real world to meet real people |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just feel the need to put a plea out there - to all you people with kinks and quirky desires -be polite and honest right from the start. To try and get what you want by trickery or by pity or manipulation is disgusting and disrespectful and is not doing your own self esteem any good.
I have had the unfortunate pleasure yet again of being taken in by a fabs member - promising that he can meet us and even surpass all our preferences and expectations. After a week of messages and phone calls (and building up the excitement on my part) I am fuming mad with him and myself when he finally trips himself up and we find out
1. He doesn't meet
2. He is on fabs so he can masterbate while ladies talk to him on the phone
3. He wants me to post him my unwashed knickers!
I feel so cross with myself for being taken in by another fake! Why don't these people just write honest profiles and honest messages - that way they might actually get what they want and they wouldn't be spoiling it for people who are not looking for those things??????
My husband says I am too naive and too trusting and maybe fabs is not the best way to make contact with real people - but I want to believe there are enough genuine swingers out there to make it worth our while staying on fabs.
. How detailed was his profile . ? Would a fake or dreamer bother to write a decent profile ?. Did you chat on the phone or review his profile for any of the warning signs ? "
His profile was reasonable - however - I knew he wasn't a site supporter. I spoke to him on the phone yes - that was when I realised he was masterbating! M x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm quite ruthless with this. If I get the slightest hint that something's not right I stop chatting. Trust your gut.
Us too, the normal rules just don't apply here."
Thanks yes - I will take that on board. M x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How much wank fodder did you supply him with before you found out that was all he wanted?"
More than I wanted to! And enough to make me feel stupid! M x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How much wank fodder did you supply him with before you found out that was all he wanted?
More than I wanted to! And enough to make me feel stupid! M x"
Don't feel stupid, You're trusting that's all. He said something and you believed him coz you aren't devious like him. |
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Don't stress I just got stung for 80 smackers by a scam online shopping site,shit happens we move on and hopefully learn,we are human though so chances are we will do something equallyas stupid next time |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Don't stress I just got stung for 80 smackers by a scam online shopping site,shit happens we move on and hopefully learn,we are human though so chances are we will do something equallyas stupid next time "
Oh dear. Hope the rest of your week improves! X
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Well - I am very surprised and humbled by the heartwarming and wise responses in this thread.
I am still feeling a little bit annoyed with myself for being tricked but I see it now as a lesson learnt. Me and hubby are a bit more determined to make it work for us - because so many of you have pointed us in the right direction. Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well - I am very surprised and humbled by the heartwarming and wise responses in this thread.
I am still feeling a little bit annoyed with myself for being tricked but I see it now as a lesson learnt. Me and hubby are a bit more determined to make it work for us - because so many of you have pointed us in the right direction. Thank you "
It's good this site has a forums, i've learnt some good stuff here. i'm tired and off to bed but glad you feel happier now. |
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"OP all I can say is he must be mad to pass up on chance to meet!!
It's men like this that give genuine men who meet a bad name and make this Site infinitely more difficult to use"
Oh no no no no....
...and we were doing so well up to now
...but I guess there just had to be an appearance of the "bad guys ruin it for the good guys" tired old argument.r
Please explain how the conduct of these bad guys has any impact on you or me or "makes the site infinitely more difficult to use".
I take full responsibility for my progress on the site and don't blame or credit anybody else for it.
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