FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > More taken with the idea than the wife,could this change??
More taken with the idea than the wife,could this change??
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Personally I think you're asking the wrong person... talk to your wife about it. Find out what she thinks, what her fears might be, what her expectations are.
The worst thing you can do is put her under pressure.
Cal |
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"Personally I think you're asking the wrong person... talk to your wife about it. Find out what she thinks, what her fears might be, what her expectations are.
The worst thing you can do is put her under pressure.
Cal "
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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago
Shrewsbury |
"Wife is very scared and not as keen as me,do I pursue or forget??"
She has to be happy and comfortable with it. So you answered your own question.
Find out what is scaring her and go from there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wife is very scared and not as keen as me,do I pursue or forget??
She has to be happy and comfortable with it. So you answered your own question.
Find out what is scaring her and go from there. "
This.^ |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Not looking for full swap , we want to watch and be watched but she is worried how she will feel afterwards , we do talk about it , just wondered if any guys would say there partners were the same before the first play? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally I think you're asking the wrong person... talk to your wife about it. Find out what she thinks, what her fears might be, what her expectations are.
The worst thing you can do is put her under pressure.
Cal "
This!
I think you are looking for people to tell you it is ok, when it never is ok if one half doesn't want to, whether it be watching/being watched, soft, or full swap.
-Courtney |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not once does it say . She doesn't want to,"
Apologies, then, for misreading. I meant if she wasn't as taken with it as you.
I hope you both get what you want out of it.
-Courtney |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wife is very scared and not as keen as me,do I pursue or forget??"
as you have all that stuff about human rights on your profile, she shouldn't be worried  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks Courtney I get frustrated with it,surely all cpls don't feel exactly the same as each other about it though? Before they start.Think you maybe be partly right though , |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks Courtney I get frustrated with it,surely all cpls don't feel exactly the same as each other about it though? Before they start.Think you maybe be partly right though , |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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First time I went to sex shop I was too scared. When we went in hubs scared I'm fine. Bottoms line let her do it in her own time and in her own way if you wants her to enjoys it |
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Why not start with something easier. Lots of people play in the webcam directing room, or go to a burlesque show, or take her to see a male strip show.
Rather than a club, try a social as there is less immediacy to get naked. Wait till the summer and try a nudist beach etc.
If she is not ready pushing for a club will more than likely not finish well. I've seen arguments in clubs between partners not on the same page and it's not pretty.
Find out what would be an erotic start for her and let her set the pace. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You have to ask yourself what is more important: your marriage or trying to fuck strangers. If it's the former go at your wife's pace, talk to her and listen to her fears. This lifestyle may or may not be for you as a couple.
If it's the later then do what you want, hopefully your wife will see you for the man that you are and be able to make a decision whether she wants to stay with someone who puts fucking strangers before her. |
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"Wife is very scared and not as keen as me,do I pursue or forget??"
I think the use of the word pursue has not helped with the replies you are getting.
You can't convey tone in the written word maybe something along the lines of she likes the idea but is unsure has anybody got any ideas that may ease her worries.
Or better still let her post and be more explicit about her concern s.
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I know that when we were first becoming interested, Anita was very unsure. We did a lot of research on the internet and I also bought Anita a book called Swingers to read. It's written by the owner of La Chambre (a club in Sheffield) and is a very frank and honest account of their beginnings in swinging.... it's available on amazon :
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Swingers-1-Going-all-Way/dp/1905886640/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1449819748&sr=8-2&keywords=barry+calvert
Anita found it very enlightening.
Ultimately, all of the preparation and planning is no substitute for actually getting to a club and experiencing the atmosphere for yourself. It is never "what you expected" and mostly people find it much more relaxed, friendly and "almost normal" than they would have ever believed.
If you do venture out to a club, it is worth setting yourself some rules which you "Will Not" stray from, and understand that the lady is in charge. If she says "I want to go home", then go home...
Cal |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Great because it's positive -pma  "
Look at your responses: given the experiences of the above responders, how many who have suggested that it may not be for your wife, or pressure may make her do something she isn't comfortable with (etc) have been told "great advice"?
You appear to be fishing for ways to coerce your wife into doing something she doesn't want to do.
Good luck. I've been there and it's unfair on her. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Great because it's positive -pma
Look at your responses: given the experiences of the above responders, how many who have suggested that it may not be for your wife, or pressure may make her do something she isn't comfortable with (etc) have been told "great advice"?
You appear to be fishing for ways to coerce your wife into doing something she doesn't want to do.
Good luck. I've been there and it's unfair on her. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Great because it's positive -pma
Look at your responses: given the experiences of the above responders, how many who have suggested that it may not be for your wife, or pressure may make her do something she isn't comfortable with (etc) have been told "great advice"?
You appear to be fishing for ways to coerce your wife into doing something she doesn't want to do.
Good luck. I've been there and it's unfair on her. "
Okay, when classy suggested hitting the quote button, I think she meant that you could also type a reply. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Great because it's positive -pma
Look at your responses: given the experiences of the above responders, how many who have suggested that it may not be for your wife, or pressure may make her do something she isn't comfortable with (etc) have been told "great advice"?
You appear to be fishing for ways to coerce your wife into doing something she doesn't want to do.
Good luck. I've been there and it's unfair on her.
Okay, when classy suggested hitting the quote button, I think she meant that you could also type a reply. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Great because it's positive -pma
Look at your responses: given the experiences of the above responders, how many who have suggested that it may not be for your wife, or pressure may make her do something she isn't comfortable with (etc) have been told "great advice"?
You appear to be fishing for ways to coerce your wife into doing something she doesn't want to do.
Good luck. I've been there and it's unfair on her.
Okay, when classy suggested hitting the quote button, I think she meant that you could also type a reply. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Great because it's positive -pma
Look at your responses: given the experiences of the above responders, how many who have suggested that it may not be for your wife, or pressure may make her do something she isn't comfortable with (etc) have been told "great advice"?
You appear to be fishing for ways to coerce your wife into doing something she doesn't want to do.
Good luck. I've been there and it's unfair on her.
Okay, when classy suggested hitting the quote button, I think she meant that you could also type a reply. "
Move down & add your reply or a
For example |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I bee reading al the messages in here and people's advice. I am taking my wife Cap d'Agde for our 15th wedding anniversary next year at. End of May. We spent our Honeymoon on a nude beach so don't think she be shocked but I wonder what she think seeing naughty stuff going on. But I can't wait to see look in her face when we get their it a total surprise she not a swinger well not yet anyways but who knows after 3 nights in the Village who knows what might happen she is open mined. ?!! I did feel a full swingers hotel would be a bit full on for her but I am shore when she sees stuff going on it will get her horny but would not push her into anything she did not want to do. She likes watching group sex on the iPad when I am under sheets licking her and says she imagines a cock in each hand and one in her mouth will see what happens and go with the flow. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I bee reading al the messages in here and people's advice. I am taking my wife Cap d'Agde for our 15th wedding anniversary next year at. End of May. We spent our Honeymoon on a nude beach so don't think she be shocked but I wonder what she think seeing naughty stuff going on. But I can't wait to see look in her face when we get their it a total surprise she not a swinger well not yet anyways but who knows after 3 nights in the Village who knows what might happen she is open mined. ?!! I did feel a full swingers hotel would be a bit full on for her but I am shore when she sees stuff going on it will get her horny but would not push her into anything she did not want to do. She likes watching group sex on the iPad when I am under sheets licking her and says she imagines a cock in each hand and one in her mouth will see what happens and go with the flow."
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Great because it's positive -pma
Look at your responses: given the experiences of the above responders, how many who have suggested that it may not be for your wife, or pressure may make her do something she isn't comfortable with (etc) have been told "great advice"?
You appear to be fishing for ways to coerce your wife into doing something she doesn't want to do.
Good luck. I've been there and it's unfair on her.
Okay, when classy suggested hitting the quote button, I think she meant that you could also type a reply.
Move down & add your reply or a
For example "
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Great because it's positive -pma
Look at your responses: given the experiences of the above responders, how many who have suggested that it may not be for your wife, or pressure may make her do something she isn't comfortable with (etc) have been told "great advice"?
You appear to be fishing for ways to coerce your wife into doing something she doesn't want to do.
Good luck. I've been there and it's unfair on her.
Okay, when classy suggested hitting the quote button, I think she meant that you could also type a reply.
Move down & add your reply or a
For example "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not looking for full swap , we want to watch and be watched but she is worried how she will feel afterwards , we do talk about it , just wondered if any guys would say there partners were the same before the first play?"
Yes we have same fears etc her answer was to just go for it and see how we felt afterwards. Both enjoyed it very much but Mrs is still nervous. |
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The first time we went swinging - to a club - I wasn't at all sure I was going to like it. Nick was gently encouraging me, but he wasn't 100% sure either.
The second time, I couldn't wait to do it again!
Janet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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just talk to her find out what she is particularly worried about , also find out her fave bits even if its just watching or being watched what ever she does like work on that and don't push for more unless she wants to try different things |
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"Sit back and let your wife take the lead,
Don't try and force it on her, it's natural to be scared of the unknown.
If she says it's really not for her then respect that.,"
This!
Nic was unsure to start so I just left it with her, waited till she was ready to talk about it. |
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"I know that when we were first becoming interested, Anita was very unsure. We did a lot of research on the internet and I also bought Anita a book called Swingers to read. It's written by the owner of La Chambre (a club in Sheffield) and is a very frank and honest account of their beginnings in swinging.... it's available on amazon :
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Swingers-1-Going-all-Way/dp/1905886640/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1449819748&sr=8-2&keywords=barry+calvert
Anita found it very enlightening.
Ultimately, all of the preparation and planning is no substitute for actually getting to a club and experiencing the atmosphere for yourself. It is never "what you expected" and mostly people find it much more relaxed, friendly and "almost normal" than they would have ever believed.
If you do venture out to a club, it is worth setting yourself some rules which you "Will Not" stray from, and understand that the lady is in charge. If she says "I want to go home", then go home...
Cal"
Top advice, we tried a club and had a great evening - we could have gone a lot further but we both wanted to check we were OK and there is always another day if you find out together. If you rush you might cross a boundary and never get another chance. It is different for everyone, some people leap in, others like us take it a bit more slowly. Just judge the pace that's right for both of you and go with the slowest. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I know that when we were first becoming interested, Anita was very unsure. We did a lot of research on the internet and I also bought Anita a book called Swingers to read. It's written by the owner of La Chambre (a club in Sheffield) and is a very frank and honest account of their beginnings in swinging.... it's available on amazon :
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Swingers-1-Going-all-Way/dp/1905886640/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1449819748&sr=8-2&keywords=barry+calvert
Anita found it very enlightening.
Ultimately, all of the preparation and planning is no substitute for actually getting to a club and experiencing the atmosphere for yourself. It is never "what you expected" and mostly people find it much more relaxed, friendly and "almost normal" than they would have ever believed.
If you do venture out to a club, it is worth setting yourself some rules which you "Will Not" stray from, and understand that the lady is in charge. If she says "I want to go home", then go home...
Cal
Top advice, we tried a club and had a great evening - we could have gone a lot further but we both wanted to check we were OK and there is always another day if you find out together. If you rush you might cross a boundary and never get another chance. It is different for everyone, some people leap in, others like us take it a bit more slowly. Just judge the pace that's right for both of you and go with the slowest. "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I know that when we were first becoming interested, Anita was very unsure. We did a lot of research on the internet and I also bought Anita a book called Swingers to read. It's written by the owner of La Chambre (a club in Sheffield) and is a very frank and honest account of their beginnings in swinging.... it's available on amazon :
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Swingers-1-Going-all-Way/dp/1905886640/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1449819748&sr=8-2&keywords=barry+calvert
Anita found it very enlightening.
Ultimately, all of the preparation and planning is no substitute for actually getting to a club and experiencing the atmosphere for yourself. It is never "what you expected" and mostly people find it much more relaxed, friendly and "almost normal" than they would have ever believed.
If you do venture out to a club, it is worth setting yourself some rules which you "Will Not" stray from, and understand that the lady is in charge. If she says "I want to go home", then go home...
Cal
Top advice, we tried a club and had a great evening - we could have gone a lot further but we both wanted to check we were OK and there is always another day if you find out together. If you rush you might cross a boundary and never get another chance. It is different for everyone, some people leap in, others like us take it a bit more slowly. Just judge the pace that's right for both of you and go with the slowest. "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks guys n girls .my first thread !!!!!!great to hear so many points of view , will show my wife and hope she writes a little something about it too x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Mrs nice here, thank you for replies.yes it's me who is very unsettled with all this. Seem to think it's fun when had a glass of vino. Otherwise it petrifies me!!!! Additional comments from ladies would be appreciated........ |
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"Mrs nice here, thank you for replies.yes it's me who is very unsettled with all this. Seem to think it's fun when had a glass of vino. Otherwise it petrifies me!!!! Additional comments from ladies would be appreciated........"
We were both really nervous to start with, and also still are but it more excitement than terror now!
We have been a couple of times and only played on our own, other times we have had fun with single guys & couples. We both get a lot out of it, enjoy dressing up, flirting, chatting and then fooling around. The most important lesson we learnt was to talk to each other about what you want, respect those boundaries and don't get pissed!
Enjoy, Clubs are lovely places - we prefer clothed to wet, just for the dressing up!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mrs nice here, thank you for replies.yes it's me who is very unsettled with all this. Seem to think it's fun when had a glass of vino. Otherwise it petrifies me!!!! Additional comments from ladies would be appreciated........
We were both really nervous to start with, and also still are but it more excitement than terror now!
We have been a couple of times and only played on our own, other times we have had fun with single guys & couples. We both get a lot out of it, enjoy dressing up, flirting, chatting and then fooling around. The most important lesson we learnt was to talk to each other about what you want, respect those boundaries and don't get pissed!
Enjoy, Clubs are lovely places - we prefer clothed to wet, just for the dressing up! "
We have enjoyed mmf fun for a while now and recently joined this site.
We are nervous especially me(f) but hey we gonna give it a go and see what's happen.I do imagine the whole scenario and it rather turns me on.
Your wife has her fears but you need to talk about it in depth and set your boundaries that u won't cross and stick with it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mrs nice here, thank you for replies.yes it's me who is very unsettled with all this. Seem to think it's fun when had a glass of vino. Otherwise it petrifies me!!!! Additional comments from ladies would be appreciated........"
Just my opinion but if it seems like fun when you've had a drink.....The feelings when you're sober might not be as good. I'd leave it (for now ) if I was you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I first mentioned my ...Desire, 6 years before we had our first encounter.
I've since then, unleashed a monster and now I'm the one trying to rein her in!
Be careful about what you wish for |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
I think when you are first starting out there is a Huge amount of mental gymnastics to get your head around. Your whole life you have probably been told that monogamous relationships that last forever are the absolute gold standard that everyone must aim for. Swinging is obviously not the same.
To help us with this, before we went to a club, or had ever heard of fab, we started listening to a podcast called Life on the Swing Set. I would suggest you both try listening to a few episodes of that together. It really really helped us in the beginning.
I always say that it's best to think of swinging as a journey, rather than a race. So take it at the pace you are both comfortable with, and dont let strangers (myself included) sway you to speed up or slow down. We also set a rule that if a situation didn't feel right, we would back out, and live to swing another day.
We went to a club as our first toe dip into the swinging world, were both nervous, but had an incredibly sexy time playing together. The next day we were completely buzzing and both said to each other that Every couple should do that!
Good luck OP |
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We set our self limits from the very first meet.
A kiss on the first meet, we would then talk about it, think about it. If we liked it we went further the next time.
Second meet might be a kiss and fumble in the car.
We took lots of baby steps and stuck to the limits we had agreed and if we both liked it we would go further each time.
We had a very sympathetic guy who was patient with us until we were ready to take the plunge.
He's now Nics lover and has been for a few years.
I know you wanted more female perspective so I will get Nic to read this.
Drew |
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Yes As D said he left it t me...we started on a swinging site...just chatting online so no pressure...then went to Web cam...that way I was in control..he couldn't touch me...Once we played with this I felt confident to meet him..We still only took baby steps and only had foreplay to start..we could back out at any time if we choose..We all decided our limits as a three..Each time we met...now 3 years down the line we love getting dirty together. Nic x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Suggest that you go to a club, for the social experience. If she drags you upstairs she drags you upstairs. If not, she doesn't. Either way, you'll both get a better understanding of what you both want. |
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