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Bad meet!
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"Always have a social with the understanding that nothing happens on the first meet."  | |||
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"Same here. Very pushy guy who thought i wasn't a person and just an object, left me in trauma for the rest of the day, and it put me right off. I talk to guys for a while now, try to get a feel for them and if they're chill and respectful or not. I also have i'm willing to meet for socials in public with guys i've never spoken to before. Works for me so far. Good luck. "Poor you!! Sounds very similar to my meet x | |||
"Same here. Very pushy guy who thought i wasn't a person and just an object, left me in trauma for the rest of the day, and it put me right off. I talk to guys for a while now, try to get a feel for them and if they're chill and respectful or not. I also have i'm willing to meet for socials in public with guys i've never spoken to before. Works for me so far. Good luck.
Poor you!! Sounds very similar to my meet x"Usually you can get a hint of what they're like from their first message. But yes had a nasty surprise. I'm ok now, was even ok at the time coz of how i handled it and he left pretty quick and didn't finish what he came round for, but after he'd gone i just thought wtf and didn't appreciate being treated like i didn't matter. | |||
"Thanks for the replies so far! Just to go into a bit more detail about what happened. I met this guy for a social and wasn't attracted to him at all. He came across as very creepy! I sent him a polite message afterwards saying I wasn't interested in seeing him again and he got very abusive. I think I just need to take the plunge and get back out there haha x" Block him. Also block newbies incase he straight away makes a new profile. | |||
"Thanks for the replies so far! Just to go into a bit more detail about what happened. I met this guy for a social and wasn't attracted to him at all. He came across as very creepy! I sent him a polite message afterwards saying I wasn't interested in seeing him again and he got very abusive. I think I just need to take the plunge and get back out there haha x" Unfortunately it is the small select that go and ruin it for others. We've had some negative experiences with couples as well. I guess what was fortunate for us is that we had each other for support, where being single you've got no one to back you. If you have a close friend you can confide in, make sure they've got your details & where you're going, just in case. We would always meet in an open, social place and set the expectation with them that it's only a social meet. At least this will filter out some people and when it comes to the actual meet, you'll get a feel for them and filter out again. I know some single women prefer to meet couples, as it is a different dynamic to a single. But be aware, there are pushy one sided couples. So to reiterate the above. Learn from the experiences (good and bad), get yourself out there enjoying the things that you want from your swinging journey and have plenty of naughty (and safe) fun. xx | |||
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"Thanks for the replies so far! Just to go into a bit more detail about what happened. I met this guy for a social and wasn't attracted to him at all. He came across as very creepy! I sent him a polite message afterwards saying I wasn't interested in seeing him again and he got very abusive. I think I just need to take the plunge and get back out there haha x" It seems quite a common complaint, I'm just amazed that some people get abusive. I've had my fair share of knock backs, but never got abusive about it. Just a polite thanks, good luck and move on. Don't let one arse spoil the fun. Who knows, the next mail might come from someone awesome! | |||
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"I would have told him to his face OP. No harm in saying look, you are not what what I expected this isn't going to go anywhere and then chat about whatever else until you finish your drinks. He should know that eveybody has to be happy for anything to go ahead. That nothing is a given. I have had those shitty messages from nowhere though - they are shitty and as much as they aren't supposed to matter, it does make you wonder. But realistically, they are just bitter they lost you." And then possibly risk the guys anger in person?  | |||
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"Thanks for the replies so far! Just to go into a bit more detail about what happened. I met this guy for a social and wasn't attracted to him at all. He came across as very creepy! I sent him a polite message afterwards saying I wasn't interested in seeing him again and he got very abusive. I think I just need to take the plunge and get back out there haha x It seems quite a common complaint, I'm just amazed that some people get abusive. I've had my fair share of knock backs, but never got abusive about it. Just a polite thanks, good luck and move on. Don't let one arse spoil the fun. Who knows, the next mail might come from someone awesome! " I am surprised as well why people would get abusive I think it maybe because you are on a sex site so they must think everyone is gagging for it on here which is simply not true. They mistake the premise of sex with a promise of sex. | |||
"I would have told him to his face OP. No harm in saying look, you are not what what I expected this isn't going to go anywhere and then chat about whatever else until you finish your drinks. He should know that eveybody has to be happy for anything to go ahead. That nothing is a given. I have had those shitty messages from nowhere though - they are shitty and as much as they aren't supposed to matter, it does make you wonder. But realistically, they are just bitter they lost you. And then possibly risk the guys anger in person? "She met him on a social. And even if she met him at her house, does that mean she cant tell him to fuck off????? | |||
"I would have told him to his face OP. No harm in saying look, you are not what what I expected this isn't going to go anywhere and then chat about whatever else until you finish your drinks. He should know that eveybody has to be happy for anything to go ahead. That nothing is a given. I have had those shitty messages from nowhere though - they are shitty and as much as they aren't supposed to matter, it does make you wonder. But realistically, they are just bitter they lost you. And then possibly risk the guys anger in person?
She met him on a social. And even if she met him at her house, does that mean she cant tell him to fuck off?????"In theory of course you can tell someone to fuck off, it doesn't mean they'll respect that. If you meet someone and they do not care about you and only about themselves then you have to be careful not to escalate the situation into something more dangerous. | |||
"I would have told him to his face OP. No harm in saying look, you are not what what I expected this isn't going to go anywhere and then chat about whatever else until you finish your drinks. He should know that eveybody has to be happy for anything to go ahead. That nothing is a given. I have had those shitty messages from nowhere though - they are shitty and as much as they aren't supposed to matter, it does make you wonder. But realistically, they are just bitter they lost you. And then possibly risk the guys anger in person?
She met him on a social. And even if she met him at her house, does that mean she cant tell him to fuck off?????
In theory of course you can tell someone to fuck off, it doesn't mean they'll respect that.
If you meet someone and they do not care about you and only about themselves then you have to be careful not to escalate the situation into something more dangerous."I am not saying you actually day fuck off. But as I said previously, explain that they are not what you expected and finish your drinks. | |||
"I would have told him to his face OP. No harm in saying look, you are not what what I expected this isn't going to go anywhere and then chat about whatever else until you finish your drinks. He should know that eveybody has to be happy for anything to go ahead. That nothing is a given. I have had those shitty messages from nowhere though - they are shitty and as much as they aren't supposed to matter, it does make you wonder. But realistically, they are just bitter they lost you. And then possibly risk the guys anger in person?
She met him on a social. And even if she met him at her house, does that mean she cant tell him to fuck off?????
In theory of course you can tell someone to fuck off, it doesn't mean they'll respect that.
If you meet someone and they do not care about you and only about themselves then you have to be careful not to escalate the situation into something more dangerous.
I am not saying you actually day fuck off. But as I said previously, explain that they are not what you expected and finish your drinks."Thats the basic laws freedom of expression you can say and do whatever you want but what you do say and do has a consequence. | |||
"I would have told him to his face OP. No harm in saying look, you are not what what I expected this isn't going to go anywhere and then chat about whatever else until you finish your drinks. He should know that eveybody has to be happy for anything to go ahead. That nothing is a given. I have had those shitty messages from nowhere though - they are shitty and as much as they aren't supposed to matter, it does make you wonder. But realistically, they are just bitter they lost you. And then possibly risk the guys anger in person?
She met him on a social. And even if she met him at her house, does that mean she cant tell him to fuck off?????
In theory of course you can tell someone to fuck off, it doesn't mean they'll respect that.
If you meet someone and they do not care about you and only about themselves then you have to be careful not to escalate the situation into something more dangerous.
I am not saying you actually day fuck off. But as I said previously, explain that they are not what you expected and finish your drinks."It's ok i didn't take you literally and knew what you meant. Most people would react appropriately, especially in a public place. Some would not though (and i'm not gonna give examples of what they might do as i don't wanna give anyone any ideas) but you don't know which people are which. So if she wants to be suspicious of everyone and not say anything until she feels in a safer position to say something then i think that's fine. Ideally you should be able to say what you want to anyone and be honest with them, but not everyone is honest enough to allow you to be that vulnerable. And you don't know which person you can trust. | |||
"Hi everyone, I had a bad meet a few weeks ago and it's made me a bit nervous to meet anyone else. Any advice for getting back into things? " Define bad? As for the whole "do a social first it really doesn't always help people can easily put on a. Face for a social that hides how they'll be in private | |||
"Hi everyone, I had a bad meet a few weeks ago and it's made me a bit nervous to meet anyone else. Any advice for getting back into things? Define bad? As for the whole "do a social first it really doesn't always help people can easily put on a. Face for a social that hides how they'll be in private " She has already defined what bad is. the guy basically got aggressive with her. | |||
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"Social social social..if he's not interested when you suggest a social then goodbye xxx"Hallelujah! too right. | |||
"Hi everyone, I had a bad meet a few weeks ago and it's made me a bit nervous to meet anyone else. Any advice for getting back into things? Define bad? As for the whole "do a social first it really doesn't always help people can easily put on a. Face for a social that hides how they'll be in private " Totally agree with you. We had a couple nice as pie, lovely, warm, friendly. Behind closed doors they were unbelievably disrespectful and inconsiderate. And that's both of them. We later found out behind the façade, they were fuck buddies, and the individuality did stand out. It did put us off fuck buddy couples and the older swinging generation for a while but then relaxed, re_iewed and realised that we can't tarnish every one with the same brush. You can't prejudge and be swingerist (Yep I'm coining this new form of prejudice lol). So ultimately it's about feeling comfortable & minimising risk. Ask plenty of questions, understand their background and see if any cracks show but she will not wipe it out completely, just lower the percentage of possible bad experiences x | |||
"Hi everyone, I had a bad meet a few weeks ago and it's made me a bit nervous to meet anyone else. Any advice for getting back into things? Define bad? As for the whole "do a social first it really doesn't always help people can easily put on a. Face for a social that hides how they'll be in private She has already defined what bad is. the guy basically got aggressive with her. " Yes I hadn't read past the op. Ops drip feeding info is such a pain in the arae | |||
"I would have told him to his face OP. No harm in saying look, you are not what what I expected this isn't going to go anywhere and then chat about whatever else until you finish your drinks. He should know that eveybody has to be happy for anything to go ahead. That nothing is a given. I have had those shitty messages from nowhere though - they are shitty and as much as they aren't supposed to matter, it does make you wonder. But realistically, they are just bitter they lost you. And then possibly risk the guys anger in person?
She met him on a social. And even if she met him at her house, does that mean she cant tell him to fuck off?????
In theory of course you can tell someone to fuck off, it doesn't mean they'll respect that.
If you meet someone and they do not care about you and only about themselves then you have to be careful not to escalate the situation into something more dangerous.
I am not saying you actually day fuck off. But as I said previously, explain that they are not what you expected and finish your drinks.
Thats the basic laws freedom of expression you can say and do whatever you want but what you do say and do has a consequence. "While in theory you are perfectly entitled to say you're not interested to his face, and you should be safe , in practice as a single female, it doesn't work. I'd have handled it as you did. In fact if I've been to meet someone on my own (even in the vanilla world, including work etc), I make a point of never going straight home, I drive round briefly, then go to a shop or a friend's. May sound extreme, but you've got to play safe. | |||
"I would have told him to his face OP. No harm in saying look, you are not what what I expected this isn't going to go anywhere and then chat about whatever else until you finish your drinks. He should know that eveybody has to be happy for anything to go ahead. That nothing is a given. I have had those shitty messages from nowhere though - they are shitty and as much as they aren't supposed to matter, it does make you wonder. But realistically, they are just bitter they lost you. And then possibly risk the guys anger in person?
She met him on a social. And even if she met him at her house, does that mean she cant tell him to fuck off?????
In theory of course you can tell someone to fuck off, it doesn't mean they'll respect that.
If you meet someone and they do not care about you and only about themselves then you have to be careful not to escalate the situation into something more dangerous.
I am not saying you actually day fuck off. But as I said previously, explain that they are not what you expected and finish your drinks.
Thats the basic laws freedom of expression you can say and do whatever you want but what you do say and do has a consequence.
While in theory you are perfectly entitled to say you're not interested to his face, and you should be safe , in practice as a single female, it doesn't work. I'd have handled it as you did. In fact if I've been to meet someone on my own (even in the vanilla world, including work etc), I make a point of never going straight home, I drive round briefly, then go to a shop or a friend's. May sound extreme, but you've got to play safe. "Really sound advice! Keep you wits about you | |||
"Hi everyone, I had a bad meet a few weeks ago and it's made me a bit nervous to meet anyone else. Any advice for getting back into things? Define bad? As for the whole "do a social first it really doesn't always help people can easily put on a. Face for a social that hides how they'll be in private She has already defined what bad is. the guy basically got aggressive with her. Yes I hadn't read past the op. Ops drip feeding info is such a pain in the arae" She's already said she's wary about meeting. Probably is wary about being open on the forums and making herself vulnerable also. I don't think she needed to explain anything more than she had an experience she didn't enjoy or want. | |||
"Hi everyone, I had a bad meet a few weeks ago and it's made me a bit nervous to meet anyone else. Any advice for getting back into things? Define bad? As for the whole "do a social first it really doesn't always help people can easily put on a. Face for a social that hides how they'll be in private She has already defined what bad is. the guy basically got aggressive with her. Yes I hadn't read past the op. Ops drip feeding info is such a pain in the arae She's already said she's wary about meeting. Probably is wary about being open on the forums and making herself vulnerable also. I don't think she needed to explain anything more than she had an experience she didn't enjoy or want." Right but "bad meet" could be anything from it wasn't the person in the pics,or the pics where old, they were creepy , they smelled they were massively d*unk, they stabbed a kitten and ate it on the table at the café etc. Like I said I only read the op when I mad emy initial reply and she'd later drip fed the details that I'd missed. Without details of why something went bad it's impossible to give advice. It's like telling a mechanic "my cars not working what's wrong with it" details are always required for a solution. | |||
"I would have told him to his face OP. No harm in saying look, you are not what what I expected this isn't going to go anywhere and then chat about whatever else until you finish your drinks. He should know that eveybody has to be happy for anything to go ahead. That nothing is a given. I have had those shitty messages from nowhere though - they are shitty and as much as they aren't supposed to matter, it does make you wonder. But realistically, they are just bitter they lost you. And then possibly risk the guys anger in person?
She met him on a social. And even if she met him at her house, does that mean she cant tell him to fuck off?????
In theory of course you can tell someone to fuck off, it doesn't mean they'll respect that.
If you meet someone and they do not care about you and only about themselves then you have to be careful not to escalate the situation into something more dangerous.
I am not saying you actually day fuck off. But as I said previously, explain that they are not what you expected and finish your drinks.
Thats the basic laws freedom of expression you can say and do whatever you want but what you do say and do has a consequence.
While in theory you are perfectly entitled to say you're not interested to his face, and you should be safe , in practice as a single female, it doesn't work. I'd have handled it as you did. In fact if I've been to meet someone on my own (even in the vanilla world, including work etc), I make a point of never going straight home, I drive round briefly, then go to a shop or a friend's. May sound extreme, but you've got to play safe. "Tey being a male you're much more than twice as likely to encounter violence than a female. | |||
"I would have told him to his face OP. No harm in saying look, you are not what what I expected this isn't going to go anywhere and then chat about whatever else until you finish your drinks. He should know that eveybody has to be happy for anything to go ahead. That nothing is a given. I have had those shitty messages from nowhere though - they are shitty and as much as they aren't supposed to matter, it does make you wonder. But realistically, they are just bitter they lost you. And then possibly risk the guys anger in person?
She met him on a social. And even if she met him at her house, does that mean she cant tell him to fuck off?????
In theory of course you can tell someone to fuck off, it doesn't mean they'll respect that.
If you meet someone and they do not care about you and only about themselves then you have to be careful not to escalate the situation into something more dangerous.
I am not saying you actually day fuck off. But as I said previously, explain that they are not what you expected and finish your drinks.
Thats the basic laws freedom of expression you can say and do whatever you want but what you do say and do has a consequence.
While in theory you are perfectly entitled to say you're not interested to his face, and you should be safe , in practice as a single female, it doesn't work. I'd have handled it as you did. In fact if I've been to meet someone on my own (even in the vanilla world, including work etc), I make a point of never going straight home, I drive round briefly, then go to a shop or a friend's. May sound extreme, but you've got to play safe.
Tey being a male you're much more than twice as likely to encounter violence than a female."If you want details then pm her but she is in no way entitled to tell you, for her it maybe a sensative, and also wheres your facts about the male more likley to suffer violence? | |||
"Hi everyone, I had a bad meet a few weeks ago and it's made me a bit nervous to meet anyone else. Any advice for getting back into things? Define bad? As for the whole "do a social first it really doesn't always help people can easily put on a. Face for a social that hides how they'll be in private She has already defined what bad is. the guy basically got aggressive with her. Yes I hadn't read past the op. Ops drip feeding info is such a pain in the arae She's already said she's wary about meeting. Probably is wary about being open on the forums and making herself vulnerable also. I don't think she needed to explain anything more than she had an experience she didn't enjoy or want. Right but "bad meet" could be anything from it wasn't the person in the pics,or the pics where old, they were creepy , they smelled they were massively d*unk, they stabbed a kitten and ate it on the table at the café etc. Like I said I only read the op when I mad emy initial reply and she'd later drip fed the details that I'd missed. Without details of why something went bad it's impossible to give advice. It's like telling a mechanic "my cars not working what's wrong with it" details are always required for a solution. " I just took the 'nervous to meet someone else' part as to what this topic was about really. Doesn't matter what he did, how she reacted to that is the main thing here. Sometimes we focus too much on the wrong things and not enough on the distressed person and how they feel. Forgot to say i agree with you on the social and people pretending to be what you want also, good point there. | |||
"Hi everyone, I had a bad meet a few weeks ago and it's made me a bit nervous to meet anyone else. Any advice for getting back into things? Define bad? As for the whole "do a social first it really doesn't always help people can easily put on a. Face for a social that hides how they'll be in private She has already defined what bad is. the guy basically got aggressive with her. Yes I hadn't read past the op. Ops drip feeding info is such a pain in the arae She's already said she's wary about meeting. Probably is wary about being open on the forums and making herself vulnerable also. I don't think she needed to explain anything more than she had an experience she didn't enjoy or want. Right but "bad meet" could be anything from it wasn't the person in the pics,or the pics where old, they were creepy , they smelled they were massively d*unk, they stabbed a kitten and ate it on the table at the café etc. Like I said I only read the op when I mad emy initial reply and she'd later drip fed the details that I'd missed. Without details of why something went bad it's impossible to give advice. It's like telling a mechanic "my cars not working what's wrong with it" details are always required for a solution. I just took the 'nervous to meet someone else' part as to what this topic was about really. Doesn't matter what he did, how she reacted to that is the main thing here. Sometimes we focus too much on the wrong things and not enough on the distressed person and how they feel. Forgot to say i agree with you on the social and people pretending to be what you want also, good point there." You know what you actually made so much sense there. So really we should asking how can we help the op. | |||
"Hi everyone, I had a bad meet a few weeks ago and it's made me a bit nervous to meet anyone else. Any advice for getting back into things? " Yep send me round to deliver him some advice | |||
"Hi everyone, I had a bad meet a few weeks ago and it's made me a bit nervous to meet anyone else. Any advice for getting back into things? " Things can only get better? | |||
"Hi everyone, I had a bad meet a few weeks ago and it's made me a bit nervous to meet anyone else. Any advice for getting back into things? Yep send me round to deliver him some advice "Stand there like a dating coach and tell him what he is doing wrong at every opportunity lol | |||
"You know what you actually made so much sense there. So really we should asking how can we help the op. " That's all she asked for basically, so yes. No need to make her feel like she has no reason to have the feelings she has because they are her feelings and very real to her and she won't have those feelings for no reason. It is easy enough to empathise with how she feels without actually knowing the details that caused those feelings. It's also easy enough to help her out with those feelings without knowing what caused them. Sorry OP keep 'talking' about you, am not actually talking about you coz i don't know you, just getting a point across. | |||
"Hi everyone, I had a bad meet a few weeks ago and it's made me a bit nervous to meet anyone else. Any advice for getting back into things? Yep send me round to deliver him some advice
Stand there like a dating coach and tell him what he is doing wrong at every opportunity lol "Exactly the scumbag! Giving all us men on here a bad name. | |||
"Hi everyone, I had a bad meet a few weeks ago and it's made me a bit nervous to meet anyone else. Any advice for getting back into things? Yep send me round to deliver him some advice
Stand there like a dating coach and tell him what he is doing wrong at every opportunity lol
Exactly the scumbag! Giving all us men on here a bad name."Pleaseure beat with a stick or stun gun lol | |||
"You know what you actually made so much sense there. So really we should asking how can we help the op. That's all she asked for basically, so yes. No need to make her feel like she has no reason to have the feelings she has because they are her feelings and very real to her and she won't have those feelings for no reason. It is easy enough to empathise with how she feels without actually knowing the details that caused those feelings. It's also easy enough to help her out with those feelings without knowing what caused them. Sorry OP keep 'talking' about you, am not actually talking about you coz i don't know you, just getting a point across. " | |||
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"Sounds like a potential rapist or stalker in the making . Should give his number to police as potential harassment etc " Really | |||
"Wow, I popped out for a few hours and come back to a thread full of new posts Thank you so much everyone for all of your advice and support. I agree with what a lot of you have said about always doing a social first and meeting in a public place. This experience has really highlighted to me how important personal safety is. I dread to think what the guy may have been like if we'd been in a more private place. I think someone also raised a really good point about not going straight home after a meet in case of being followed. Call me naive but I didn't even think about that! I did report the guy to admin and he's no longer on the site. Just to go into more detail about what actually happened. I met him in Costa and he was nothing like his photo. But I was too polite to just get up and leave so I stayed and made small talk. When I got home I sent him a message saying I wasn't interested in seeing him again. He then started inundating me with messages and managed to find me on kik and on Facebook. His language became very abusive and aggressive and he was begging me to sleep with him. He couldn't understand why I wouldn't want to have sex with him even when I explained that I was not attracted to him at all. Anyway long story short I blocked him on Facebook and kik. I think I just need to get back out there and just take the appropriate steps safety wise! " Fair play to you and just because you want to swing and be liberal in your sex life, this doesn't give anyone the right to harass you. The law doesn't lend itself well to people who stalk & harrass and if they are going to leave a trail of this kind of behaviour, then you should strongly consider reporting it. Protect you, the other single women that want to enjoy. And of course the genuine decent single men out there xx | |||
"Always have a social with the understanding that nothing happens on the first meet." yeah good advise | |||
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"[Removed by poster at 05/12/15 15:44:15]" Wow rapey | |||
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"Sounds like a potential rapist or stalker in the making . Should give his number to police as potential harassment etc Really" Deleted my original reply coz he hasn't raped anyone so far as i know. But yeah he is a menace to women's safety. When she blocked him on here he should take that as definitely not wanting any contact but instead he decided to breach her boundaries and contact her elsewhere and this is not acceptable behaviour. No means no, to put it bluntly. | |||
"Sounds like a potential rapist or stalker in the making . Should give his number to police as potential harassment etc Really Deleted my original reply coz he hasn't raped anyone so far as i know. But yeah he is a menace to women's safety. When she blocked him on here he should take that as definitely not wanting any contact but instead he decided to breach her boundaries and contact her elsewhere and this is not acceptable behaviour. No means no, to put it bluntly." If I was privy to both sides of the story I may make a judgement whether he was a menace to women's safety. But in the meantime a possible menace and blocking was the right thing. | |||
"You know what you actually made so much sense there. So really we should asking how can we help the op. That's all she asked for basically, so yes. No need to make her feel like she has no reason to have the feelings she has because they are her feelings and very real to her and she won't have those feelings for no reason. It is easy enough to empathise with how she feels without actually knowing the details that caused those feelings. It's also easy enough to help her out with those feelings without knowing what caused them. Sorry OP keep 'talking' about you, am not actually talking about you coz i don't know you, just getting a point across. " how come you give all this advice out to people yet your always meeting weird, pushy, rapey, head fucking guys. | |||
"Sounds like a potential rapist or stalker in the making . Should give his number to police as potential harassment etc Really Deleted my original reply coz he hasn't raped anyone so far as i know. But yeah he is a menace to women's safety. When she blocked him on here he should take that as definitely not wanting any contact but instead he decided to breach her boundaries and contact her elsewhere and this is not acceptable behaviour. No means no, to put it bluntly. If I was privy to both sides of the story I may make a judgement whether he was a menace to women's safety. But in the meantime a possible menace and blocking was the right thing. " That's up to you. I chose to believe OPs side because i can and nobody is on trial here, no-one has been named. Plus because she hasn't named anyone it's the behaviour* we are disapproving and not an actual person. I'm a big believer in people not having their boundaries pushed when they put those boundaries in place to feel safe. Making someone feel unsafe is not ok. *If you notice elsewhere in the topic i talk about OP but not actually about them. | |||
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"You know what you actually made so much sense there. So really we should asking how can we help the op. That's all she asked for basically, so yes. No need to make her feel like she has no reason to have the feelings she has because they are her feelings and very real to her and she won't have those feelings for no reason. It is easy enough to empathise with how she feels without actually knowing the details that caused those feelings. It's also easy enough to help her out with those feelings without knowing what caused them. Sorry OP keep 'talking' about you, am not actually talking about you coz i don't know you, just getting a point across. how come you give all this advice out to people yet your always meeting weird, pushy, rapey, head fucking guys. " I allow myself to be trusting and vulnerable, i'm not a unemotional monster sadly, despite my upbringing. Most guys are alright who i meet, some are liars and i trust them, they won't change me that much but i'll change tactics to try and avoid them. | |||
"You know what you actually made so much sense there. So really we should asking how can we help the op. That's all she asked for basically, so yes. No need to make her feel like she has no reason to have the feelings she has because they are her feelings and very real to her and she won't have those feelings for no reason. It is easy enough to empathise with how she feels without actually knowing the details that caused those feelings. It's also easy enough to help her out with those feelings without knowing what caused them. Sorry OP keep 'talking' about you, am not actually talking about you coz i don't know you, just getting a point across. how come you give all this advice out to people yet your always meeting weird, pushy, rapey, head fucking guys. I allow myself to be trusting and vulnerable, i'm not a unemotional monster sadly." so only unemotional monsters choose decent, normal people to play with? | |||
"Sounds like a potential rapist or stalker in the making . Should give his number to police as potential harassment etc Really Deleted my original reply coz he hasn't raped anyone so far as i know. But yeah he is a menace to women's safety. When she blocked him on here he should take that as definitely not wanting any contact but instead he decided to breach her boundaries and contact her elsewhere and this is not acceptable behaviour. No means no, to put it bluntly. If I was privy to both sides of the story I may make a judgement whether he was a menace to women's safety. But in the meantime a possible menace and blocking was the right thing. That's up to you. I chose to believe OPs side because i can and nobody is on trial here, no-one has been named. Plus because she hasn't named anyone it's the behaviour* we are disapproving and not an actual person. I'm a big believer in people not having their boundaries pushed when they put those boundaries in place to feel safe. Making someone feel unsafe is not ok. *If you notice elsewhere in the topic i talk about OP but not actually about them. " Cool and I believe people should not associate rape without any clear evidence. Out of respect to true victims and people wrongly accused | |||
"Sounds like a potential rapist or stalker in the making . Should give his number to police as potential harassment etc Really Deleted my original reply coz he hasn't raped anyone so far as i know. But yeah he is a menace to women's safety. When she blocked him on here he should take that as definitely not wanting any contact but instead he decided to breach her boundaries and contact her elsewhere and this is not acceptable behaviour. No means no, to put it bluntly. If I was privy to both sides of the story I may make a judgement whether he was a menace to women's safety. But in the meantime a possible menace and blocking was the right thing. That's up to you. I chose to believe OPs side because i can and nobody is on trial here, no-one has been named. Plus because she hasn't named anyone it's the behaviour* we are disapproving and not an actual person. I'm a big believer in people not having their boundaries pushed when they put those boundaries in place to feel safe. Making someone feel unsafe is not ok. *If you notice elsewhere in the topic i talk about OP but not actually about them. Cool and I believe people should not associate rape without any clear evidence. Out of respect to true victims and people wrongly accused " its not the first thread this has been done on and it makes my fucking blood boil | |||
"Op you met the guy in a public place, he didn't look like his pictures, yet you CHOSE to!stay. He's contacted you on Facebook, how the bloody hell has he got your Facebook information without you giving him personal details." Your guess is as good as mine. He had my first name and lives fairly near to me. So probably wouldn't be that hard to find someone on Facebook? | |||
"You know what you actually made so much sense there. So really we should asking how can we help the op. That's all she asked for basically, so yes. No need to make her feel like she has no reason to have the feelings she has because they are her feelings and very real to her and she won't have those feelings for no reason. It is easy enough to empathise with how she feels without actually knowing the details that caused those feelings. It's also easy enough to help her out with those feelings without knowing what caused them. Sorry OP keep 'talking' about you, am not actually talking about you coz i don't know you, just getting a point across. how come you give all this advice out to people yet your always meeting weird, pushy, rapey, head fucking guys. I allow myself to be trusting and vulnerable, i'm not a unemotional monster sadly. so only unemotional monsters choose decent, normal people to play with?" I mostly choose alright people to play with but some people are good liars and i've had a meet recently that left me feeling traumatised ok, that's my feelings and you won't invalidate my feelings and i'm sure as shit not gonna let anyone blame me for being abused either. And it's relationships where i've been with 2 abusers, due to my upbringing i've been trained to ignore flags and ignore what i want and my own feelings for other peoples, this actually makes me a decent person and i like being this way. Obvious abuser was the 1st one and i realised after him that something wasn't right with me and i actually avoided pretty much all people for almost 2 years because i didn't trust myself. Made some decent friends, felt ok about myself and got into a relationship with a great guy for 11 years, we're still friends now. Still trusted myself after that great experience so got with a covert narcissist by accident, these people hide everything and are good actors and their abuse is not obvious. And after him i am now well aware that everyone is a liar until they prove otherwise, am i gonna change because of that? Slightly yeah, not much coz i like being vulnerable and trusting, and i'm not trusting to a point where i am unhappy with trusting someone. There's a bit of my life seeing as you're so interested. I'm not stupid, i like helping people when i can, this makes me vulnerable to a degree, i don't give a shit, i'm still learning about life and the people in it and that's ok. | |||
"Sounds like a potential rapist or stalker in the making . Should give his number to police as potential harassment etc Really Deleted my original reply coz he hasn't raped anyone so far as i know. But yeah he is a menace to women's safety. When she blocked him on here he should take that as definitely not wanting any contact but instead he decided to breach her boundaries and contact her elsewhere and this is not acceptable behaviour. No means no, to put it bluntly. If I was privy to both sides of the story I may make a judgement whether he was a menace to women's safety. But in the meantime a possible menace and blocking was the right thing. That's up to you. I chose to believe OPs side because i can and nobody is on trial here, no-one has been named. Plus because she hasn't named anyone it's the behaviour* we are disapproving and not an actual person. I'm a big believer in people not having their boundaries pushed when they put those boundaries in place to feel safe. Making someone feel unsafe is not ok. *If you notice elsewhere in the topic i talk about OP but not actually about them. Cool and I believe people should not associate rape without any clear evidence. Out of respect to true victims and people wrongly accused " I deleted that comment and explained why. This topic is pretty much about personal safety and not specific people. | |||
"You know what you actually made so much sense there. So really we should asking how can we help the op. That's all she asked for basically, so yes. No need to make her feel like she has no reason to have the feelings she has because they are her feelings and very real to her and she won't have those feelings for no reason. It is easy enough to empathise with how she feels without actually knowing the details that caused those feelings. It's also easy enough to help her out with those feelings without knowing what caused them. Sorry OP keep 'talking' about you, am not actually talking about you coz i don't know you, just getting a point across. how come you give all this advice out to people yet your always meeting weird, pushy, rapey, head fucking guys. I allow myself to be trusting and vulnerable, i'm not a unemotional monster sadly. so only unemotional monsters choose decent, normal people to play with? I mostly choose alright people to play with but some people are good liars and i've had a meet recently that left me feeling traumatised ok, that's my feelings and you won't invalidate my feelings and i'm sure as shit not gonna let anyone blame me for being abused either. And it's relationships where i've been with 2 abusers, due to my upbringing i've been trained to ignore flags and ignore what i want and my own feelings for other peoples, this actually makes me a decent person and i like being this way. Obvious abuser was the 1st one and i realised after him that something wasn't right with me and i actually avoided pretty much all people for almost 2 years because i didn't trust myself. Made some decent friends, felt ok about myself and got into a relationship with a great guy for 11 years, we're still friends now. Still trusted myself after that great experience so got with a covert narcissist by accident, these people hide everything and are good actors and their abuse is not obvious. And after him i am now well aware that everyone is a liar until they prove otherwise, am i gonna change because of that? Slightly yeah, not much coz i like being vulnerable and trusting, and i'm not trusting to a point where i am unhappy with trusting someone. There's a bit of my life seeing as you're so interested. I'm not stupid, i like helping people when i can, this makes me vulnerable to a degree, i don't give a shit, i'm still learning about life and the people in it and that's ok. " most people have had there fair of shit in life I certainly have but I don't go round accusing people of things when I know fuck all about them, I don't accuse people of "rapey" behaviour. It's potentially damaging to someone that is innocent. In nine years I've had more than my fair share of men through my front door not one has appeared weird, strange, lier, rapey or anything else you want to mention and if they did I wouldnt be taking advice of someone who seems to attract more than their fair share. You make it sound like all men are predators when in fact most men are normal respectful human neings | |||
"You know what you actually made so much sense there. So really we should asking how can we help the op. That's all she asked for basically, so yes. No need to make her feel like she has no reason to have the feelings she has because they are her feelings and very real to her and she won't have those feelings for no reason. It is easy enough to empathise with how she feels without actually knowing the details that caused those feelings. It's also easy enough to help her out with those feelings without knowing what caused them. Sorry OP keep 'talking' about you, am not actually talking about you coz i don't know you, just getting a point across. how come you give all this advice out to people yet your always meeting weird, pushy, rapey, head fucking guys. I allow myself to be trusting and vulnerable, i'm not a unemotional monster sadly. so only unemotional monsters choose decent, normal people to play with? I mostly choose alright people to play with but some people are good liars and i've had a meet recently that left me feeling traumatised ok, that's my feelings and you won't invalidate my feelings and i'm sure as shit not gonna let anyone blame me for being abused either. And it's relationships where i've been with 2 abusers, due to my upbringing i've been trained to ignore flags and ignore what i want and my own feelings for other peoples, this actually makes me a decent person and i like being this way. Obvious abuser was the 1st one and i realised after him that something wasn't right with me and i actually avoided pretty much all people for almost 2 years because i didn't trust myself. Made some decent friends, felt ok about myself and got into a relationship with a great guy for 11 years, we're still friends now. Still trusted myself after that great experience so got with a covert narcissist by accident, these people hide everything and are good actors and their abuse is not obvious. And after him i am now well aware that everyone is a liar until they prove otherwise, am i gonna change because of that? Slightly yeah, not much coz i like being vulnerable and trusting, and i'm not trusting to a point where i am unhappy with trusting someone. There's a bit of my life seeing as you're so interested. I'm not stupid, i like helping people when i can, this makes me vulnerable to a degree, i don't give a shit, i'm still learning about life and the people in it and that's ok. most people have had there fair of shit in life I certainly have but I don't go round accusing people of things when I know fuck all about them, I don't accuse people of "rapey" behaviour. It's potentially damaging to someone that is innocent. In nine years I've had more than my fair share of men through my front door not one has appeared weird, strange, lier, rapey or anything else you want to mention and if they did I wouldnt be taking advice of someone who seems to attract more than their fair share. You make it sound like all men are predators when in fact most men are normal respectful human neings" That comment has been deleted and i explained why, Don't know why you're bringing it up when i already realised it was wrong so deleted it? I have not made out all men are anything now you're making stuff up. All men who do not respect boundaries is completely different from all men, unless you think no men cross any boundaries or all men do. I'd like to end any discussion with you now, i have boundaries i'd like to be respected and i feel you don't understand that. | |||
"Hi everyone, I had a bad meet a few weeks ago and it's made me a bit nervous to meet anyone else. Any advice for getting back into things? " It is bound to happen, I went a few meets before I experienced anything bad, to be fair I know there are plenty who will have had worse but I have turned up to the person looking almost nothing like their pics and I have also been stood up on a few occasions.. Puts a bad taste in your mouth about the site but the best thing you can do is just persevere and keep trying, the good meets should hopefully outweigh the bad good luck | |||
"You know what you actually made so much sense there. So really we should asking how can we help the op. That's all she asked for basically, so yes. No need to make her feel like she has no reason to have the feelings she has because they are her feelings and very real to her and she won't have those feelings for no reason. It is easy enough to empathise with how she feels without actually knowing the details that caused those feelings. It's also easy enough to help her out with those feelings without knowing what caused them. Sorry OP keep 'talking' about you, am not actually talking about you coz i don't know you, just getting a point across. how come you give all this advice out to people yet your always meeting weird, pushy, rapey, head fucking guys. I allow myself to be trusting and vulnerable, i'm not a unemotional monster sadly. so only unemotional monsters choose decent, normal people to play with? I mostly choose alright people to play with but some people are good liars and i've had a meet recently that left me feeling traumatised ok, that's my feelings and you won't invalidate my feelings and i'm sure as shit not gonna let anyone blame me for being abused either. And it's relationships where i've been with 2 abusers, due to my upbringing i've been trained to ignore flags and ignore what i want and my own feelings for other peoples, this actually makes me a decent person and i like being this way. Obvious abuser was the 1st one and i realised after him that something wasn't right with me and i actually avoided pretty much all people for almost 2 years because i didn't trust myself. Made some decent friends, felt ok about myself and got into a relationship with a great guy for 11 years, we're still friends now. Still trusted myself after that great experience so got with a covert narcissist by accident, these people hide everything and are good actors and their abuse is not obvious. And after him i am now well aware that everyone is a liar until they prove otherwise, am i gonna change because of that? Slightly yeah, not much coz i like being vulnerable and trusting, and i'm not trusting to a point where i am unhappy with trusting someone. There's a bit of my life seeing as you're so interested. I'm not stupid, i like helping people when i can, this makes me vulnerable to a degree, i don't give a shit, i'm still learning about life and the people in it and that's ok. most people have had there fair of shit in life I certainly have but I don't go round accusing people of things when I know fuck all about them, I don't accuse people of "rapey" behaviour. It's potentially damaging to someone that is innocent. In nine years I've had more than my fair share of men through my front door not one has appeared weird, strange, lier, rapey or anything else you want to mention and if they did I wouldnt be taking advice of someone who seems to attract more than their fair share. You make it sound like all men are predators when in fact most men are normal respectful human neings That comment has been deleted and i explained why, Don't know why you're bringing it up when i already realised it was wrong so deleted it? I have not made out all men are anything now you're making stuff up. All men who do not respect boundaries is completely different from all men, unless you think no men cross any boundaries or all men do. I'd like to end any discussion with you now, i have boundaries i'd like to be respected and i feel you don't understand that." no one is asking you to reply to my posts, of cause people should respect your boundaries if they don't you tell them to fuck off. I find it strange how you come across all these men yet the majority of women don't. | |||
"Hi everyone, I had a bad meet a few weeks ago and it's made me a bit nervous to meet anyone else. Any advice for getting back into things? " Maybe meet a club or a similar venue which has security, maybe that would make you feel safer until you get your confidence back a little?? | |||
"Hi everyone, I had a bad meet a few weeks ago and it's made me a bit nervous to meet anyone else. Any advice for getting back into things? " First of all I am sorry to hear that I would say don't rush into a meet straight away get to know someone first then insist on a social somewhere you feel comfortable then build your confidence back up from there x | |||
"Thanks for the replies so far! Just to go into a bit more detail about what happened. I met this guy for a social and wasn't attracted to him at all. He came across as very creepy! I sent him a polite message afterwards saying I wasn't interested in seeing him again and he got very abusive. I think I just need to take the plunge and get back out there haha x" Why not go to one of your local socials. This would give the chance to mingle and speak to loads of different people and go from there. | |||
"Op you met the guy in a public place, he didn't look like his pictures, yet you CHOSE to!stay. He's contacted you on Facebook, how the bloody hell has he got your Facebook information without you giving him personal details. Your guess is as good as mine. He had my first name and lives fairly near to me. So probably wouldn't be that hard to find someone on Facebook? " I find it best to keep some anonymity on here until I feel comfortable first names only and I use Kik for the added safety of not having to share my number | |||
"Always have a social with the understanding that nothing happens on the first meet. "A valuable lesson I learnt myself, now it's a social meet first and that is all. Then decide if I wish to take further, I won't be rushed or pressured into fun again.. X | |||
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"We had an awful experience recently, with a single guy, enough for us to strike then off our list of people we are looking for, he was rude, aggressive and disrespectful of both me and my wife, the screening we normally do seemed OK, and he ticked all the right _oxes, you just don't know what somebody is like until they are full of testosterone and in the middle of sex. To the point we were debating whether the risks are worth it, the lifestyle is a lot fun and we love it, but I love my wife more and this guy was a jerk of epic proportions, and despite telling him what we did and didn't like he grabbed her by the throat and tried to push a scenario that wasn't on the menu. I missed him doing that, she did stop him and rather than jeopardise her safety or our safety rather, she just carried on with the night. Verbally he said a lot of things, that I would never dream off, he left and we were left thinking is it actually worth it anymore.... No amount of screening is foolproof..... "I am sad that you two found your self in that situation. And yet again I feel like having to say sorry on behath of all us single men out there for yet another jerks actions on fab. Seriously did you report him? | |||
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"Yeah we did, it was another site, but it left us not wanting to meet guys anymore... Which is very sad..." Was this when you were in the middle east or was it back here? | |||
"Thanks for the replies so far! Just to go into a bit more detail about what happened. I met this guy for a social and wasn't attracted to him at all. He came across as very creepy! I sent him a polite message afterwards saying I wasn't interested in seeing him again and he got very abusive. I think I just need to take the plunge and get back out there haha x" But you must have exchanged pictures before the meet, so it seems strange you where attracted enough by his pictures to meet him but not attracted in person | |||
"Op you met the guy in a public place, he didn't look like his pictures, yet you CHOSE to!stay. He's contacted you on Facebook, how the bloody hell has he got your Facebook information without you giving him personal details." | |||
"Thanks for the replies so far! Just to go into a bit more detail about what happened. I met this guy for a social and wasn't attracted to him at all. He came across as very creepy! I sent him a polite message afterwards saying I wasn't interested in seeing him again and he got very abusive. I think I just need to take the plunge and get back out there haha x But you must have exchanged pictures before the meet, so it seems strange you where attracted enough by his pictures to meet him but not attracted in person "Trouble is, some men send out of date photos and it's socially awkward to leap up the instant you meet someone and walk away. I guess that's what they count on. | |||
"Op you met the guy in a public place, he didn't look like his pictures, yet you CHOSE to!stay. He's contacted you on Facebook, how the bloody hell has he got your Facebook information without you giving him personal details. "According to BBC Click it's pretty easy, to find profiles. There are load or 'archiving sites' (that aims to archive social media in order for future historians to perform research) and/or deepwebserch engines like Pipl, which are although innocently created are plain scary with some of the information it pops up. | |||
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"Thanks for the replies so far! Just to go into a bit more detail about what happened. I met this guy for a social and wasn't attracted to him at all. He came across as very creepy! I sent him a polite message afterwards saying I wasn't interested in seeing him again and he got very abusive. I think I just need to take the plunge and get back out there haha x Block him. Also block newbies incase he straight away makes a new profile." Most of them will use the same pics as well .Alot I have blocked have opened new profiles using same pics .  | |||
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"Sorry to hear about your bad meet OP however I would like to think he was a minority with regards to the way most men behave from this site.... I don't think some guys understand that this is not a guarantee sex site ... There has to be some attraction most people understand that this is the case he probably thought a bit too much of himself.. Hopefully you continue to stay on the site and get back out there so to speak as attractive women like yourself who are genuine are hard to find.. Make sure you build rapport before even a social if it helps the right people would understand and give you time if you need it to build up some trust.. Good luck and happy fabbing x" | |||
"Social social social..if he's not interested when you suggest a social then goodbye xxx"Totally agree social always .But never do what I did .I had a social and he got into my car and I didn't like him .Took me ages to get him out of car .Really would never do that again .Was new on site then . | |||
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"Once again thanks for all of the lovely responses on this thread. I'm sorry to see my post has caused a bit of controversy!" Dont' be sorry you have nothing to feel sorry about, Has you post offended someone?; No it hasn't. it is actually quite enlightening the forum thread and should teach every reader to be on their guard when organizing and attending a meet. | |||
