FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Why not?!?!
Why not?!?!
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By *aeBabe OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
So I've stated on my profile the type of men I'm PREDOMINANTLY attracted to. That being Mediterranean, Hispanic, Caucasian (white) men.
Now I was at a club recently and was approached by a man who said that he knew of me and was a friend of a common fab friend. He then said that no where on my profile did it indicate that I wasn't attracted to Asian or Black men, him being the latter.
I don't indicate this because I am open to the possibility, but I have never been with a black man because I'm mostly turned on by white men.
He then proceeded to ask me why not? I felt very pressured in that moment 
I was just like I'm not attracted to black men, he then asked if it was their skin colour, at this point I felt like I was being cornered and judged by my preference as to who turned me on or attracted me.
Do I indicate my preferences clearly on my profile and also indicate who I'm not attracted to?
How would you react faced with a similar situation?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You shouldn't have answered, it really is none of his business.
Same for your profile, put what you want on it and you really don't ever need to explain yourself to strangers on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would have smiled, made some excuse and walked away. It's none of his business who you choose to meet.
Don't let people like that make you feel bad. He was probably just trying it on. For a sympathy shag maybe or to get you to shag him 'to prove him wrong'. |
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I don't put anything like that on my profile. I'm attracted to people. What colour their skin is makes no odds to me. I'm more interested in whether (a) I fancy him and (b) if he gets me on a mental level. Those I my criteria so I don't feel the need to specify much else. I have a wish list of course but that's not set in stone either. I can rule out anyone until I know a little more about him.
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By *aeBabe OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
Hmmmmm... I have been in a position where I have done something that didn't turn me on and I had felt pressure to do a sexual act. I actually told him the truth, that I have in fact been talking to a mixed race guy, gorgeous eyes 
He then asked me why that guy and not him. This was were I told him because I was attracted to that other guy and walked away.
I think sometimes being polite and being harsh is hard to switch on and off especially when people's intentions are to get into your pants. But then again not everyone you talk to in this lifestyle necessarily want to get into your pants... right? Lol |
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I just remembered I didn't actually answer the question.
If someone pressures me with a 'why not?' after a polite no thank you, I remind them that there should be a spark. If you're not attracted to someone, why would you want to have sex with them? The bigger question is why would you want to have sex with someone who you knew didn't find you attractive? That's just bonkers. If someone is interested then you'd know they are interested. It really isn't rocket science. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I hate when people ask why not after politely declining. It won't change my mind and is awkward. If someone declined me I'd just thank them and leave them alone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It sounds to me like this fella had an ego the size of the Brazilian rainforest and simply couldn't fathom why you didn't drop your knickers for him as soon as he said hello. You did the right thing to walk away - I would have probably been more fiery and knocked a few more dents in his ego for being such a tosser mind! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The only reason he asked was because he wanted to find a way of persuading you which in itself is a disgrace.
I did ask someone once a question about their profile preferences but started by asking if was ok to ask a personal question about their profile.
Just find it bad manners to ask these kinds of questions without first asking if it's ok
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The argument about preferences has gone back and forth on this forum. I am not going to add to it.
My own view is at the top of profiles as well as stating likes it should include the types of people a person will not meet. This will alert people within the category not to bother reading the rest of the profile and move straight to another profile. This would save all parties' time.
I find it an irritant to get midway or to the end of an interesting profile to find that l am excluded from consideration.
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By *aeBabe OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"The argument about preferences has gone back and forth on this forum. I am not going to add to it.
My own view is at the top of profiles as well as stating likes it should include the types of people a person will not meet. This will alert people within the category not to bother reading the rest of the profile and move straight to another profile. This would save all parties' time.
I find it an irritant to get midway or to the end of an interesting profile to find that l am excluded from consideration.
"
Thanks for that. I will take that into consideration.
I understand that this topic does pop up often, but this isn't an argument about preferences. It's my personal experience about how to deal with people who do not fit into mine. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So I've stated on my profile the type of men I'm PREDOMINANTLY attracted to. That being Mediterranean, Hispanic, Caucasian (white) men.
Now I was at a club recently and was approached by a man who said that he knew of me and was a friend of a common fab friend. He then said that no where on my profile did it indicate that I wasn't attracted to Asian or Black men, him being the latter.
I don't indicate this because I am open to the possibility, but I have never been with a black man because I'm mostly turned on by white men.
He then proceeded to ask me why not? I felt very pressured in that moment
I was just like I'm not attracted to black men, he then asked if it was their skin colour, at this point I felt like I was being cornered and judged by my preference as to who turned me on or attracted me.
Do I indicate my preferences clearly on my profile and also indicate who I'm not attracted to?
How would you react faced with a similar situation? "
I would have thought carefully, deeply about the answer then said "fuck off, it's none of your business" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just said no thanks and got a load of abuse got told i am a mess and a arrogant bitch all because he was not my type  "
Too many people think that because you love sex you're easy. These people deserve a hammer in the genitals |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just said no thanks and got a load of abuse got told i am a mess and a arrogant bitch all because he was not my type "
I'm new to this and got a few replies like that when I politely declined. If I do that now I just block straight away to save any crap coming back. People like that really are immature, be glad you turned them down. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just said no thanks and got a load of abuse got told i am a mess and a arrogant bitch all because he was not my type
I'm new to this and got a few replies like that when I politely declined. If I do that now I just block straight away to save any crap coming back. People like that really are immature, be glad you turned them down."
i love the block button x |
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What an arrogant prick.
I once declined a couple on here, my message was a polite "thanks for your message but it's a no". He replied with a why not, I said I wasn't attracted. He then proceeded to ask if the problem was him or her! Not sure which response he would have preferred! It was actually both of them  |
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By *aeBabe OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"What an arrogant prick.
I once declined a couple on here, my message was a polite "thanks for your message but it's a no". He replied with a why not, I said I wasn't attracted. He then proceeded to ask if the problem was him or her! Not sure which response he would have preferred! It was actually both of them "
Lol wow... You know then in that moment he was hoping it was her  |
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"What an arrogant prick.
I once declined a couple on here, my message was a polite "thanks for your message but it's a no". He replied with a why not, I said I wasn't attracted. He then proceeded to ask if the problem was him or her! Not sure which response he would have preferred! It was actually both of them
Lol wow... You know then in that moment he was hoping it was her "
Totally. I hope she booted him in the nuts |
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Then there was the guy who gave me abuse because I couldn't commit to a date for a couples meet until I found out when my cousin's funeral was.
Apparently I didn't care enough about her. So that was nice. I've never seen C so angry.
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By *ilk_TreMan
over a year ago
Wherever the party is! |
"I just said no thanks and got a load of abuse got told i am a mess and a arrogant bitch all because he was not my type
Too many people think that because you love sex you're easy. These people deserve a hammer in the genitals"
Don't you mean a sword to the solar plexus? |
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By *ilk_TreMan
over a year ago
Wherever the party is! |
"So I've stated on my profile the type of men I'm PREDOMINANTLY attracted to. That being Mediterranean, Hispanic, Caucasian (white) men.
Now I was at a club recently and was approached by a man who said that he knew of me and was a friend of a common fab friend. He then said that no where on my profile did it indicate that I wasn't attracted to Asian or Black men, him being the latter.
I don't indicate this because I am open to the possibility, but I have never been with a black man because I'm mostly turned on by white men.
He then proceeded to ask me why not? I felt very pressured in that moment
I was just like I'm not attracted to black men, he then asked if it was their skin colour, at this point I felt like I was being cornered and judged by my preference as to who turned me on or attracted me.
Do I indicate my preferences clearly on my profile and also indicate who I'm not attracted to?
How would you react faced with a similar situation? "
These black guys are so pushy! x |
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"I just said no thanks and got a load of abuse got told i am a mess and a arrogant bitch all because he was not my type "
Haha! I would have said 'enjoy your lonesome wank, ya tosser'
It's him that lost out, not you (and this is not a white knight galloping in - just saying) |
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By *aeBabe OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"So I've stated on my profile the type of men I'm PREDOMINANTLY attracted to. That being Mediterranean, Hispanic, Caucasian (white) men.
Now I was at a club recently and was approached by a man who said that he knew of me and was a friend of a common fab friend. He then said that no where on my profile did it indicate that I wasn't attracted to Asian or Black men, him being the latter.
I don't indicate this because I am open to the possibility, but I have never been with a black man because I'm mostly turned on by white men.
He then proceeded to ask me why not? I felt very pressured in that moment
I was just like I'm not attracted to black men, he then asked if it was their skin colour, at this point I felt like I was being cornered and judged by my preference as to who turned me on or attracted me.
Do I indicate my preferences clearly on my profile and also indicate who I'm not attracted to?
How would you react faced with a similar situation?
These black guys are so pushy! x "
Actually I have had some pretty bad experiences in clubs with a few black men one resulting in one leaving bruises on my arm when he grabbed me when I said no to him, one forcing himself on me to get me to kiss him.
But having said that the worst experience I have had was with a white Spanish guy who forced his cock in my mouth.
Any guy can be a dickhead, but people will still have their preferences. |
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"I just said no thanks and got a load of abuse got told i am a mess and a arrogant bitch all because he was not my type "
If someone is abusive to you in PM then report the profile to Admin and let them deal with it. You shouldn't have to endure nasty messages because you're not interested in someone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So I've stated on my profile the type of men I'm PREDOMINANTLY attracted to. That being Mediterranean, Hispanic, Caucasian (white) men.
Now I was at a club recently and was approached by a man who said that he knew of me and was a friend of a common fab friend. He then said that no where on my profile did it indicate that I wasn't attracted to Asian or Black men, him being the latter.
I don't indicate this because I am open to the possibility, but I have never been with a black man because I'm mostly turned on by white men.
He then proceeded to ask me why not? I felt very pressured in that moment
I was just like I'm not attracted to black men, he then asked if it was their skin colour, at this point I felt like I was being cornered and judged by my preference as to who turned me on or attracted me.
Do I indicate my preferences clearly on my profile and also indicate who I'm not attracted to?
How would you react faced with a similar situation?
I would have thought carefully, deeply about the answer then said "fuck off, it's none of your business""
this, followed by a swift kick to the bollocks |
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By *aeBabe OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"So I've stated on my profile the type of men I'm PREDOMINANTLY attracted to. That being Mediterranean, Hispanic, Caucasian (white) men.
Now I was at a club recently and was approached by a man who said that he knew of me and was a friend of a common fab friend. He then said that no where on my profile did it indicate that I wasn't attracted to Asian or Black men, him being the latter.
I don't indicate this because I am open to the possibility, but I have never been with a black man because I'm mostly turned on by white men.
He then proceeded to ask me why not? I felt very pressured in that moment
I was just like I'm not attracted to black men, he then asked if it was their skin colour, at this point I felt like I was being cornered and judged by my preference as to who turned me on or attracted me.
Do I indicate my preferences clearly on my profile and also indicate who I'm not attracted to?
How would you react faced with a similar situation?
I would have thought carefully, deeply about the answer then said "fuck off, it's none of your business"this, followed by a swift kick to the bollocks"
I'm a lover not a fighter. I hate confrontation |
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