FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Magic formula for sussing out time wasters ( as a woman)?
Magic formula for sussing out time wasters ( as a woman)?
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By *ivinefox OP Woman
over a year ago
Coventry |
Anyone have one? The amount of time I've had great chats with men who have contacted me and then when it comes to meeting, they miraculously disappear. Just why? And any way of stopping this from happening? It's so frustrating!
I know men complain about time wasters but it happens to us women too! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Can't accommodate is a crude filter....but a good start. A single 40yr old guy who can't accommodate has a fair chance of being attached....?
Friend of mine uses this as first filter. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't know I haven't come across any!
I don't meet often & it can take a while to arrange so maybe that's why I haven't come across any, By the time we get to meet both parties are committed & eager to the meeting up |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If they want dirty chat (like ask what will you get up to on the meet, or ask about anything sexual) then i ignore that and tell them i'm not into dirty chat.
If you give them anything they can wank over, and you'd be surprised how easy some guys find an excuse to wank lol, then yeah they won't be after a meet at all.
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By *ivinefox OP Woman
over a year ago
Coventry |
Yes I agree, I already do that and don't even reply to the can't accommodate guys. But these are guys I've been chatting to online for a while, good rapport, talk about meeting and then...
Nothing! Never know to say, hey what happened or just leave it? Don't do last minute meets so try to arrange something in advance but even this seems too much for some of the commitment phobes on here..! |
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Do you mean they go unlos or stop talking to you? Was just trying to link it to how we meet ... we chat to loads of people, but don't often get as far as arranging meets ... we may say where we are going and hopefully hook up there, if the mood is right ... do you arrange to meet at clubs, or theirs? Are all circumstances the same? When I was meeting guys as a single fem (now only meet women alone) I was never let down, but I tended to meet fairly quickly as I was not looking for social and it was nsa |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Probably had no intentions of meeting. I find that with a lot of guys, but i enjoy chatting to them so we still chat.
But a couple of guys at least think i won't actually fancy them so have put off meets for months until i gave them positive affirmation that i thought they were well fuckable. |
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By *ivinefox OP Woman
over a year ago
Coventry |
They don't go UNLOS, but we talk about a date to meet, a social and then just disappear. Obviously not all guys, but a good percentage. It's so hard to get it right, finding someone you might fancy, be compatible with, is having a phone conversation a good way to go..? |
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By *ivinefox OP Woman
over a year ago
Coventry |
I'm only on here to meet real people and play in real life. It's just a means to an end for me but some people just seem to want to have a fantasy life on here and not have the amazing fun that this site facilitates...! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Might as well change the way you do things on here if it's not working for you, but yeah i think plenty of guys want a fantasy wank life on here. I think the internet has made it so easy for guys to find 'sex' by sitting on their arse in front of a computer that they cba to meet up lol.
I've noticed if you offer a fuck right now then many guys are genuinely interested and will turn up, even at 5am and that. I don't think they're into socials, they see us a sluts and not worthy of that, although many guys are cool with treating us like people. I'd be wary of those guys myself.
It's also possible some guys got bored of talking to you after so long and class you as a time waster? |
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By *ivinefox OP Woman
over a year ago
Coventry |
Oh dear that's so awful but sadly has a ring of truth about it! And I have had some great meets off here but I never know when I chat to someone ( no matter how keen they are), whether we will meet or whether they'll vanish into thin air... Thanks for replying! X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No problem.
Same here i never know either, so many guys i presume they don't wanna meet ever but if their chat is good then i don't mind and don't push for meets, they stop mentioning meets even lol.
I did a topic with help on how to figure out time wasters as well, it might help?
https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/support/416732 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks Hun I'll check that our. Tried to message you privately but you're blocked to women ( not trying to hit on you lol!)"
Might have blocked everyone tbh. It's school holidays so i'm not on here as much usually. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Problem is, the more it happens, the more sceptical I get towards anyone who is actually genuine..."
It's really hard to figure out yeah. The internet is terrible for meeting up with people or trusting them over it.
So many liars using it to be selfish and dragging genuine people into their BS because it's easy for them to do this.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So many women won't meet guys who can't accommodate,some might be bullshitters but some genuinely can't for whatever reasons,having said that if I was a woman I would be cautious has well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Omg. I'm so glad I'm not the only one having this problem!!! It sounds odd but I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me!! I've read so many threads about men saying that women are timewasters. I'm slowly learning tell tale signs, like the can't accomm.
Gonna just keep going. One day someone will meet me. Good luck to you too op. It'll all come good!! Xx |
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My 'magic formula' works like this:
If a guy messages and we chat a bit and it becomes apparent he just wants wank chat I stop talking to him.
If a guy I am chatting to appears to be someone I think I would get on with and enjoy chatting with I ask for a social very quickly. The genuine ones arrange it, the wasters don't. Then I stop talking to them.
I also never believe I will meet anyone until it actually happens. I never feel let down that way |
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When I read this forum title I thought hell I've got to read this! I've been on here for 8 months, I message on here a bit then usually give out my kik address. Then I insist on a Skype video call! Nothing sexual just a quick hi etc. This was after a disastrous meet where the bloke I was supposed to meet was 20yrs older and looked nothing like his prof pics. I've had my share of knobs that want me to instantly sext videos/pics. This generally leads to me reaching for the block button as the people I want to meet prefer to fuck in real life as opposed to online. I also trust my spider senses too if that helps?! OP it's definitely not you hun just in my experience the fakes and timewasters of which there are heaps. I do go on lol apologies! |
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I arranged to meet 3 guys in a club we are all a member of but not 1 showed up - didn't even get any message to say sorry can't make it! Good job it was a meet in a club and not elsewhere as that would have made me more mad! |
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"Anyone have one? The amount of time I've had great chats with men who have contacted me and then when it comes to meeting, they miraculously disappear. Just why? And any way of stopping this from happening? It's so frustrating!
I know men complain about time wasters but it happens to us women too! "
Do these guys ever have any meet in person verifications?
But then again some women tell me I've got too many veris and refuse to meet for that reason? Lol, sometimes it seems we can't win whatever we do. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Do these guys ever have any meet in person verifications?"
All the guys who stood me up were meet verified. One was actually still in bed with the woman he'd met the night before while I was twiddling my thumbs in a pub.
I sometimes think some people on here are psychopaths. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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if you text a man you become a text buddy
If you fuck a man you become a fuck buddy .
If you go out with a man for meals etc he sees you as a friend .
If you want a man to hang around , you need to provide him with more than just a fuck you need to provide love and affection .
Because chances are if he is just fucking you then he is just fucking loads of others . Same as going out , messaging etc .
Women do this , and I can promise you this does happen . After 2nd or 3 rd message , they offer phone number, and Will go on a date from one phone call.
It does happen , I personally would never message a woman more than 4 or 5 times. As Us men get used to transferring from the lets fuck zone to the sweet friend zone
In fact I would say , that if no offer of a meet within a week then it's a move on .
You work during the day , I would suggest phone calls at say 8 or 9 pm at night is always a good way to out the time wasters and dreamers ,
Only ring the once to ask them for a date .
But the most important thing to do to stop time wasters , is not let them waste your time, take control early . If they don't want to meet you after 3 messages especially if they message your first , they are not going to meet you 4 weeks later after messaging every day .
And the real secret is us blokes know we mess it up by talking ,so w know the longer we message the more chance we have of screwing it up . Understand that and you will get past the time wasters
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I believe the only magic formula is trusting your instinct and listening or acting on gut feelings
Even then you can't guarantee 100% that everyone you chat to intends to meet up
It's the chance you take when you meet people online |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's sad that people become so cynical! I use fab as a tool to stay in contact with those I've met and possibly to arrange to meet others the next time I go to a club.
In my experience if someone wants sex chat then that's not going to go any further. Usually though it's about reading between the lines. It's about what they say and how they say it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Might as well change the way you do things on here if it's not working for you, but yeah i think plenty of guys want a fantasy wank life on here. I think the internet has made it so easy for guys to find 'sex' by sitting on their arse in front of a computer that they cba to meet up lol.
I've noticed if you offer a fuck right now then many guys are genuinely interested and will turn up, even at 5am and that. I don't think they're into socials, they see us a sluts and not worthy of that, although many guys are cool with treating us like people. I'd be wary of those guys myself.
It's also possible some guys got bored of talking to you after so long and class you as a time waster?"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My 'magic formula' works like this:
If a guy messages and we chat a bit and it becomes apparent he just wants wank chat I stop talking to him.
If a guy I am chatting to appears to be someone I think I would get on with and enjoy chatting with I ask for a social very quickly. The genuine ones arrange it, the wasters don't. Then I stop talking to them.
I also never believe I will meet anyone until it actually happens. I never feel let down that way "
This for me too.
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"My 'magic formula' works like this:
If a guy messages and we chat a bit and it becomes apparent he just wants wank chat I stop talking to him.
If a guy I am chatting to appears to be someone I think I would get on with and enjoy chatting with I ask for a social very quickly. The genuine ones arrange it, the wasters don't. Then I stop talking to them.
I also never believe I will meet anyone until it actually happens. I never feel let down that way
This for me too.
"
I am aware I need to change the way I meet on here, which is why I am hiding my profile for a while. But what happens when you arrange a social meet and they appear keen, but then don't turn up? I wish there was a way to see that one coming so I don't end up sat in a pub waiting.
Thank heavens for my Kindle, that's all I'm saying. |
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By *ivinefox OP Woman
over a year ago
Coventry |
So I guess this is one situation where it's ok to ask the guy to meet, not expecting them to make the first move?
Why would a guy message me, have a good chat online and then just disappear? ( and these are verified ones too!) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So I guess this is one situation where it's ok to ask the guy to meet, not expecting them to make the first move?
Why would a guy message me, have a good chat online and then just disappear? ( and these are verified ones too!)"
Because you did something to put him off. Perhaps you were too pushy or bossy
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By *ivinefox OP Woman
over a year ago
Coventry |
I don't think I'm pushy or bossy! But I'm probably both a bit wary and impatient after so long on here...
Nothing is real for me until I've met someone in real life, I don't know if I'll be attracted to someone until we've met in person so don't want to spend ages chatting to a stranger online! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My 'magic formula' works like this:
If a guy messages and we chat a bit and it becomes apparent he just wants wank chat I stop talking to him.
If a guy I am chatting to appears to be someone I think I would get on with and enjoy chatting with I ask for a social very quickly. The genuine ones arrange it, the wasters don't. Then I stop talking to them.
I also never believe I will meet anyone until it actually happens. I never feel let down that way
This for me too.
I am aware I need to change the way I meet on here, which is why I am hiding my profile for a while. But what happens when you arrange a social meet and they appear keen, but then don't turn up? I wish there was a way to see that one coming so I don't end up sat in a pub waiting.
Thank heavens for my Kindle, that's all I'm saying."
I've never arranged a social meet and had them not turn up. I always have a back up plan (cake and coffee usually) so it's not a waste of time if they don't show.
I give up on people quite quickly. If something doesn't seem right I just let them know it won't work and stop chatting, so we're not wasting our time. I don't know if that means I'm lucky or I just have a knack of scaring them off long before a meet is arranged. 
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"My 'magic formula' works like this:
If a guy messages and we chat a bit and it becomes apparent he just wants wank chat I stop talking to him.
If a guy I am chatting to appears to be someone I think I would get on with and enjoy chatting with I ask for a social very quickly. The genuine ones arrange it, the wasters don't. Then I stop talking to them.
I also never believe I will meet anyone until it actually happens. I never feel let down that way
This for me too.
I am aware I need to change the way I meet on here, which is why I am hiding my profile for a while. But what happens when you arrange a social meet and they appear keen, but then don't turn up? I wish there was a way to see that one coming so I don't end up sat in a pub waiting.
Thank heavens for my Kindle, that's all I'm saying.
I've never arranged a social meet and had them not turn up. I always have a back up plan (cake and coffee usually) so it's not a waste of time if they don't show.
I give up on people quite quickly. If something doesn't seem right I just let them know it won't work and stop chatting, so we're not wasting our time. I don't know if that means I'm lucky or I just have a knack of scaring them off long before a meet is arranged.
"
I didn't spend too much time chatting. The meet was arranged quite quickly and he seemed keen. To be honest there were a couple of warning signs so I should have seen it coming, but he was very much the kind of guy I am attracted to. I was probably blinded by lust.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think I'm pushy or bossy! But I'm probably both a bit wary and impatient after so long on here...
Nothing is real for me until I've met someone in real life, I don't know if I'll be attracted to someone until we've met in person so don't want to spend ages chatting to a stranger online!"
then don't, just for a laugh, everyone that messages this week , ask for their phone number so you can ring them to have a chat with a view to asking them for a date one evening .
Even the cock pictures but ask them , to send a face picture as well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Meet me, I don't let people down 
you wanting to meet us all hun? Xx
I'm not sure I could cope with everyone lol - mind you, there's worse ways to go "
 sure is hun!!! |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"I don't think I'm pushy or bossy! But I'm probably both a bit wary and impatient after so long on here...
Nothing is real for me until I've met someone in real life, I don't know if I'll be attracted to someone until we've met in person so don't want to spend ages chatting to a stranger online!
then don't, just for a laugh, everyone that messages this week , ask for their phone number so you can ring them to have a chat with a view to asking them for a date one evening .
Even the cock pictures but ask them , to send a face picture as well "
Even the ones who live 200 miles away? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My 'magic formula' works like this:
If a guy messages and we chat a bit and it becomes apparent he just wants wank chat I stop talking to him.
If a guy I am chatting to appears to be someone I think I would get on with and enjoy chatting with I ask for a social very quickly. The genuine ones arrange it, the wasters don't. Then I stop talking to them.
I also never believe I will meet anyone until it actually happens. I never feel let down that way
This for me too.
I am aware I need to change the way I meet on here, which is why I am hiding my profile for a while. But what happens when you arrange a social meet and they appear keen, but then don't turn up? I wish there was a way to see that one coming so I don't end up sat in a pub waiting.
Thank heavens for my Kindle, that's all I'm saying.
I've never arranged a social meet and had them not turn up. I always have a back up plan (cake and coffee usually) so it's not a waste of time if they don't show.
I give up on people quite quickly. If something doesn't seem right I just let them know it won't work and stop chatting, so we're not wasting our time. I don't know if that means I'm lucky or I just have a knack of scaring them off long before a meet is arranged.
I didn't spend too much time chatting. The meet was arranged quite quickly and he seemed keen. To be honest there were a couple of warning signs so I should have seen it coming, but he was very much the kind of guy I am attracted to. I was probably blinded by lust. "
Sorry, I wasn't inferring it's your fault. Was just saying how I do things.
Sounds like you just need to trust your gut... not your lady bits... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think I'm pushy or bossy! But I'm probably both a bit wary and impatient after so long on here...
Nothing is real for me until I've met someone in real life, I don't know if I'll be attracted to someone until we've met in person so don't want to spend ages chatting to a stranger online!
then don't, just for a laugh, everyone that messages this week , ask for their phone number so you can ring them to have a chat with a view to asking them for a date one evening .
Even the cock pictures but ask them , to send a face picture as well
Even the ones who live 200 miles away? "
Why not . they may travel the 200 miles , they may be moving here . I would say you seem really nice, but I must state here and now , I won't be travelling 200 miles if you can make the effort Sen me your number
They won't message You back anyway , let alone give you a phone number
Like others say it's all just a big gamble . All you can do is minimise the risk of wasting your time by getting numbers quickly and arranging dates close to home, either at lunch for 30 minutes or in the local McDonald's in the evening .
No point arranging a day of travelling 100 miles for a social for them not to turn up . If some one where to travel some distance , I would. Not even leave to go the first date , till they showed as being close in the near me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Problem is, the more it happens, the more sceptical I get towards anyone who is actually genuine..."
I've had 1 person actually meet from here and been stood up or heard nothing for the week before said meet
So I'm finding this thread very interesting |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
" Sounds like you just need to trust your gut... not your lady bits...
I think we just found our magic formula
What were the 'warning signs' you mentioned..?"
He postponed the meet, but then texted alternative dates so I thought that was fine. But the one that should have warned me was the fact that he didn't reply to my text the morning of the meet. Rookie mistake. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i try to arrange meets but im not anyones type at the minute or no one likes facial hair. seems to be lots of couples who are in the chat room and only ever men on cam |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The funny thing is that I tick several of these boxes, I won't accommodate as I live with my kids full time, I won't give out my phone number at least not at first and I like to chat as my free time is limited and it may be a month or more before I'm free.
But I'm real, genuine and available. I guess if people want to pigeon hole me and write me off then that's up to them.
I think OP ultimately there will always be people who will let you down, no matter how sophisticated your process. Sometimes you risk being let down. Personally I'd rather risk and be let down than not risk and gain nothing |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"The funny thing is that I tick several of these boxes, I won't accommodate as I live with my kids full time, I won't give out my phone number at least not at first and I like to chat as my free time is limited and it may be a month or more before I'm free.
But I'm real, genuine and available. I guess if people want to pigeon hole me and write me off then that's up to them.
I think OP ultimately there will always be people who will let you down, no matter how sophisticated your process. Sometimes you risk being let down. Personally I'd rather risk and be let down than not risk and gain nothing"
Its the old Fab problem of distance too. I would love to meet you but you're too damn far away.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The funny thing is that I tick several of these boxes, I won't accommodate as I live with my kids full time, I won't give out my phone number at least not at first and I like to chat as my free time is limited and it may be a month or more before I'm free.
But I'm real, genuine and available. I guess if people want to pigeon hole me and write me off then that's up to them.
I think OP ultimately there will always be people who will let you down, no matter how sophisticated your process. Sometimes you risk being let down. Personally I'd rather risk and be let down than not risk and gain nothing
Its the old Fab problem of distance too. I would love to meet you but you're too damn far away. "
You would?! Well polish my britches! I'd love to meet you too! |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"The funny thing is that I tick several of these boxes, I won't accommodate as I live with my kids full time, I won't give out my phone number at least not at first and I like to chat as my free time is limited and it may be a month or more before I'm free.
But I'm real, genuine and available. I guess if people want to pigeon hole me and write me off then that's up to them.
I think OP ultimately there will always be people who will let you down, no matter how sophisticated your process. Sometimes you risk being let down. Personally I'd rather risk and be let down than not risk and gain nothing
Its the old Fab problem of distance too. I would love to meet you but you're too damn far away.
You would?! Well polish my britches! I'd love to meet you too! "
We'll sort something one day. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The funny thing is that I tick several of these boxes, I won't accommodate as I live with my kids full time, I won't give out my phone number at least not at first and I like to chat as my free time is limited and it may be a month or more before I'm free.
But I'm real, genuine and available. I guess if people want to pigeon hole me and write me off then that's up to them.
I think OP ultimately there will always be people who will let you down, no matter how sophisticated your process. Sometimes you risk being let down. Personally I'd rather risk and be let down than not risk and gain nothing
Its the old Fab problem of distance too. I would love to meet you but you're too damn far away.
You would?! Well polish my britches! I'd love to meet you too!
We'll sort something one day."
Yes, I'm sure there will be a party or social. I keep meaning to go up to leeds |
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By *UNCHBOXMan
over a year ago
folkestone |
"Anyone have one? The amount of time I've had great chats with men who have contacted me and then when it comes to meeting, they miraculously disappear. Just why? And any way of stopping this from happening? It's so frustrating!
I know men complain about time wasters but it happens to us women too! "
Like some of the women who have mucked me around, they like the fantasy of meeting but when it comes to reality they can't go through with it. I'd ask around for the guys who can relied upon that are in your area as i know a lot of the popular guys on here get recommended a lot.
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By *UNCHBOXMan
over a year ago
folkestone |
"Can't accommodate is a crude filter....but a good start. A single 40yr old guy who can't accommodate has a fair chance of being attached....?
Friend of mine uses this as first filter."
What is stopping a married guy borrowing his mates flat/house and meeting there?. I don't accommodate because i houseshare with friends and it could be a bit awkward if one of them comes in when im at a meet with a couple. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not being able to accommodate is not a sign of being married
I live in the mess on a Army base, so therefore I put down that I can't accommodate, however if you insist I can meet you at the front gate, sign you onto the barracks then escort you to my flat all mod cons and then escort you back to front gate after lol
Just easier to say I can't accommodate but it does not make me married or in a relationship |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not being able to accommodate is not a sign of being married
I live in the mess on a Army base, so therefore I put down that I can't accommodate, however if you insist I can meet you at the front gate, sign you onto the barracks then escort you to my flat all mod cons and then escort you back to front gate after lol
Just easier to say I can't accommodate but it does not make me married or in a relationship "
Nice one |
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"Anyone have one? The amount of time I've had great chats with men who have contacted me and then when it comes to meeting, they miraculously disappear. Just why? And any way of stopping this from happening? It's so frustrating!
I know men complain about time wasters but it happens to us women too! "
A frank talk on the phone usually works a voice and answers to questions without time to think usually s out the time wasters. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is no excuse for a man or woman to stand someone up and simply not turn up. Pure ignorance . At the very worst have the decency to let them know you have changed your mind. Bizarre behaviour !!!!
Men seem to be the worst culprits by the sound of it . I guess many like the fantasy but it falls apart when it comes to making it reality . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can't accommodate is a crude filter....but a good start. A single 40yr old guy who can't accommodate has a fair chance of being attached....?
Friend of mine uses this as first filter."
Great one & attached guys are generally entirely unreliable, even if they do have veris. We've had our fair share of deceit here.
Does the profile seem 'too good to be true'? Then it probably is.
No veris after 6 months? Ok, not ideal but a workable formula. No veris after 3-6 months and a WE+ cock, works for us.
Veris only by cam? Probably doesn't meet.
Short profile, can't be bothered to fill it in? Good indicator.
Face pics public and fairly new? Again not ideal but most newbies, generally, don't want their faces on public display.
Some of that may or may not work for you. But they do usually work for us x |
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By *b coupleCouple
over a year ago
southampton |
"Can't accommodate is a crude filter....but a good start. A single 40yr old guy who can't accommodate has a fair chance of being attached....?
Friend of mine uses this as first filter."
That's not right, your assuming he's attached. But could very well be a single parent. Just saying  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"if you text a man you become a text buddy
If you fuck a man you become a fuck buddy .
If you go out with a man for meals etc he sees you as a friend .
If you want a man to hang around , you need to provide him with more than just a fuck you need to provide love and affection .
Because chances are if he is just fucking you then he is just fucking loads of others . Same as going out , messaging etc .
Women do this , and I can promise you this does happen . After 2nd or 3 rd message , they offer phone number, and Will go on a date from one phone call.
It does happen , I personally would never message a woman more than 4 or 5 times. As Us men get used to transferring from the lets fuck zone to the sweet friend zone
In fact I would say , that if no offer of a meet within a week then it's a move on .
You work during the day , I would suggest phone calls at say 8 or 9 pm at night is always a good way to out the time wasters and dreamers ,
Only ring the once to ask them for a date .
But the most important thing to do to stop time wasters , is not let them waste your time, take control early . If they don't want to meet you after 3 messages especially if they message your first , they are not going to meet you 4 weeks later after messaging every day .
And the real secret is us blokes know we mess it up by talking ,so w know the longer we message the more chance we have of screwing it up . Understand that and you will get past the time wasters
"
 what a load of b***! |
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I always advize my lady friends on here to.. Block all men
Wink at ones they fancy
No more than 5-10 at a time. If they wink or message... ask for face pic.
If you like the way they look, have a day of messaging on and off.
Then ask for phone number. Call them withold in your number if you want to.
During the call ask for a meet...social or whatever. This is now make or break but try and get to the point where a specific date is agreed.
Within a day you have cut to the chase and found out all you need to know.
Try it. Less time trawling through shit, no-hoper messages....more time finding guys and talking to them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why would anyone post a "How to fake it as genuine" guide on the forum?
The last thing anyone needs (except the timewasters and wannabes) is a sure fire way to make their messages look genuine."
Fair point but I think the bad outweighs the good on this. It will help people to know how to spot the eejits. The real timewasters will be too busy typing with one hand to read the forum. |
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"But what happens when you arrange a social meet and they appear keen, but then don't turn up? I wish there was a way to see that one coming so I don't end up sat in a pub waiting.
Thank heavens for my Kindle, that's all I'm saying."
Choose a pub near you so you don't travel far. Wait in the car so if he doesn't show you just go home |
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i don't think I've had a no show from FAB , although I have from other sites, but i have had the 'great chat but suddenly disappears' thing happen a bit
. I think we are all different. I don't like phone chats and i live in the middle of nowhere so socials rarely work meaning I like to chat for long enough to work out if I like someone- maybe that puts them off
I've had people stop chatting cause i don't have KIK or whatsapp, i suspect they were after dirty chat though. |
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By *huramMan
over a year ago
London |
"Anyone have one? The amount of time I've had great chats with men who have contacted me and then when it comes to meeting, they miraculously disappear. Just why? And any way of stopping this from happening? It's so frustrating!
I know men complain about time wasters but it happens to us women too!
Like some of the women who have mucked me around, they like the fantasy of meeting but when it comes to reality they can't go through with it. I'd ask around for the guys who can relied upon that are in your area as i know a lot of the popular guys on here get recommended a lot.
"
There are far too many female time wasters on here. |
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My meets have all happened pretty quickly (max a week from our first contact). I always chat via Kik or Skype and insist on a social first. I think sometimes people get a bit bored if they are not getting instant/quick gratification and so move on to a new person in the hope that may happen more quickly. |
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I should also add that from the beginning I have said I'm on here for a limited time (I'm moving abroad). I get so many men contacting me because they know I'm 100% NSA and not expecting anything after a meet. People have said they like the fact I'm leaving haha. Maybe you are accidentally coming across as too clingy? I don't know. |
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By *ean99Man
over a year ago
plymouth |
"Can't accommodate is a crude filter....but a good start. A single 40yr old guy who can't accommodate has a fair chance of being attached....?
Friend of mine uses this as first filter."
I'm a single 49yrs old divorced guy that gave my ex the house and I can't accom due to the fact I'm living in shared accommodation so would be hard to bring someone back here???  |
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Make em pay a deposit fee before they arrange a meet! if they show up they get it back, if they don't you get a few drinks on them at the pub or whatever before you head back! :D
...I am joking btw. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can't accommodate is a crude filter....but a good start. A single 40yr old guy who can't accommodate has a fair chance of being attached....?
Friend of mine uses this as first filter.
I'm a single 49yrs old divorced guy that gave my ex the house and I can't accom due to the fact I'm living in shared accommodation so would be hard to bring someone back here??? "
There are many of us like you mate.. However the amateur 'Miss Marples' and 'Inspector Clouseaus' on this site just love to judge ...
Scotland Yard is Definately missing out on some talented detectives ...
"Single bloke + can't accommodate = married"?
This is one of the reasons I prefer to meet in clubs ... I simply cannot be bothered with this attitude.
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"Can't accommodate is a crude filter....but a good start. A single 40yr old guy who can't accommodate has a fair chance of being attached....?
Friend of mine uses this as first filter.
I'm a single 49yrs old divorced guy that gave my ex the house and I can't accom due to the fact I'm living in shared accommodation so would be hard to bring someone back here???
There are many of us like you mate.. However the amateur 'Miss Marples' and 'Inspector Clouseaus' on this site just love to judge ...
Scotland Yard is Definately missing out on some talented detectives ...
"Single bloke + can't accommodate = married"?
This is one of the reasons I prefer to meet in clubs ... I simply cannot be bothered with this attitude.
"
Some of us use it as a filter but that's not saying that all single guys that can't accommodate are really married. What we are saying is that most married guys can't accommodate so we are filtering a lot out.
Get over it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can't accommodate is a crude filter....but a good start. A single 40yr old guy who can't accommodate has a fair chance of being attached....?
Friend of mine uses this as first filter.
I'm a single 49yrs old divorced guy that gave my ex the house and I can't accom due to the fact I'm living in shared accommodation so would be hard to bring someone back here???
There are many of us like you mate.. However the amateur 'Miss Marples' and 'Inspector Clouseaus' on this site just love to judge ...
Scotland Yard is Definately missing out on some talented detectives ...
"Single bloke + can't accommodate = married"?
This is one of the reasons I prefer to meet in clubs ... I simply cannot be bothered with this attitude.
Some of us use it as a filter but that's not saying that all single guys that can't accommodate are really married. What we are saying is that most married guys can't accommodate so we are filtering a lot out.
Get over it. "
No need to throw your teddy out of the pram, it's a public forum, you have your opinion , I have mine. |
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By *inx_xxWoman
over a year ago
Shrewsbury |
"Omg. I'm so glad I'm not the only one having this problem!!! It sounds odd but I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me!! I've read so many threads about men saying that women are timewasters. I'm slowly learning tell tale signs, like the can't accomm.
Gonna just keep going. One day someone will meet me. Good luck to you too op. It'll all come good!! Xx "
Ditto |
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"
No need to throw your teddy out of the pram, it's a public forum, you have your opinion , I have mine."
I'm not the one making snide comments about "amateur 'Miss Marples' and 'Inspector Clouseaus' on this site just love to judge ..." am I |
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"They don't go UNLOS, but we talk about a date to meet, a social and then just disappear. Obviously not all guys, but a good percentage. It's so hard to get it right, finding someone you might fancy, be compatible with, is having a phone conversation a good way to go..?"
I don't think phoning them up will solve this problem but it might help a little.
I'm assuming that these are not 'no shows' but rather more a case of 'no meet actually being arranged'.
I think there are two possible causes of this that I think might be the problem.
1. With the guys who are relatively successful on here. It could be that, while they were chatting with you about a possible meet they were also chatting with other people to and have arranged some definite meets. It doesn't take many to fill up month of weekends. I have every weekend booked up between now and after Christmas already (no they're not all fab meets, I have a life to live also LOL). When I know I'm not going to be able to meet for a while I tend to decrease the amount of chat I do on here, especially if it's someone I fancy; it would be a disaster if she asked me for a meet and I had to say no because I couldn't make it.
2. With the guys who aren't so successful on here. You come across as a very confident woman. You're also very attractive (in my opinion). On your profile it says you are looking for someone special. All these things can be quite intimidating for some guys. Maybe some like the fantasy of meeting you but, as the fantasy moves closer to a probability or even a reality their insecurities start to get the better of them and they back away.
I don't know how true or relevant either of these two things maybe in your case but I think they're definite possibilities.
In good faith.  |
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"Do these guys ever have any meet in person verifications?
All the guys who stood me up were meet verified. One was actually still in bed with the woman he'd met the night before while I was twiddling my thumbs in a pub.
I sometimes think some people on here are psychopaths."
Maybe he thought you'd tell him he was 'old and possibly wrinkly'. . LOL |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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From my point of view, the easiest way to make sure you get guys for genuine meets is to have clear 'wants' on your profile.
If someone messages you with a mutual interest, you like them and you can agree on how a meet goes, ask them to skype to prove they are real, nothing more. Then after if they seem to try and go down the wank fodder route, and you don't like that, remind them you will meet but you aren't on here for dirty stories.
Most guys will take that as a hint not to ruin the chance of meeting someone who wants what they want. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
No need to throw your teddy out of the pram, it's a public forum, you have your opinion , I have mine.
I'm not the one making snide comments about "amateur 'Miss Marples' and 'Inspector Clouseaus' on this site just love to judge ..." am I "
Good morning,
I've just reread my comments, and your response, and with the benefits of a good nights sleep to help judgement, I can hold my hand up and say you are quite right and I was wrong to make snide comments in the thread (aimed at no one in particular)
My knee-jerk reaction was more of a result of a long irritating day at work, and unfortunately manifested itself in this thread 'close to my heart' which I've been following.
The OP asked a perfectly sensible question to which everyone chipped in, whilst I don't agree with everyone's answer, I failed to counter-debate with an alternative point of view.
Instead I succumbed to the very thing I hate about forums .. And started ranting.
I sit here with a slight dribble of egg on my stubbly face ... And happily accept that everyone is entitled to whatever works them.
Sorry ( I'm only human) |
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"
No need to throw your teddy out of the pram, it's a public forum, you have your opinion , I have mine.
I'm not the one making snide comments about "amateur 'Miss Marples' and 'Inspector Clouseaus' on this site just love to judge ..." am I
Good morning,
I've just reread my comments, and your response, and with the benefits of a good nights sleep to help judgement, I can hold my hand up and say you are quite right and I was wrong to make snide comments in the thread (aimed at no one in particular)
My knee-jerk reaction was more of a result of a long irritating day at work, and unfortunately manifested itself in this thread 'close to my heart' which I've been following.
The OP asked a perfectly sensible question to which everyone chipped in, whilst I don't agree with everyone's answer, I failed to counter-debate with an alternative point of view.
Instead I succumbed to the very thing I hate about forums .. And started ranting.
I sit here with a slight dribble of egg on my stubbly face ... And happily accept that everyone is entitled to whatever works them.
Sorry ( I'm only human)"
Every one has bad days fella.
Apology unnecessary but appreciated |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
No need to throw your teddy out of the pram, it's a public forum, you have your opinion , I have mine.
I'm not the one making snide comments about "amateur 'Miss Marples' and 'Inspector Clouseaus' on this site just love to judge ..." am I
Good morning,
I've just reread my comments, and your response, and with the benefits of a good nights sleep to help judgement, I can hold my hand up and say you are quite right and I was wrong to make snide comments in the thread (aimed at no one in particular)
My knee-jerk reaction was more of a result of a long irritating day at work, and unfortunately manifested itself in this thread 'close to my heart' which I've been following.
The OP asked a perfectly sensible question to which everyone chipped in, whilst I don't agree with everyone's answer, I failed to counter-debate with an alternative point of view.
Instead I succumbed to the very thing I hate about forums .. And started ranting.
I sit here with a slight dribble of egg on my stubbly face ... And happily accept that everyone is entitled to whatever works them.
Sorry ( I'm only human)
Every one has bad days fella.
Apology unnecessary but appreciated "
Thank you |
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