FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Should we leave?
Should we leave?
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By *G Couple OP Couple
over a year ago
Newton Stewart |
We live in a small community so discretion is paramount for us. Imagine my horror yesterday to receive a message from an unknown single guy asking me (the fem) for a meet, asking me by my real name (which is no-where on our profile). Very freaky! His profile indicates his being on here for over a year, with no meets or verifications recorded in all that time.
When I recove_ed a bit I responded asking how he knew me by name. To cut a long story short, after several messages being exchanged he admitted he recognised my body (no face pics publicly displayed) from seeing me in a local pub quite often with my husband over 15 years ago, and that he'd always lusted after me from afar so to speak. He hasn't seen us in over 15 years and yet he recognises my body, even with me now having different colou_ed hair and hair style!!
Perhaps I'm a bit paranoid, but worryingly his messages came over as a bit creepy or stalkerish, i.e. I know you and your husband by name, where you are and you have no idea who I am.
As with nearly all of us here we are very careful about concealing the precise location where we live (especially as we are in a small community), our names, faces or our even our initials. We are now not sure how we should handle this; drop out of the scene altogether or thinking perhaps we should hide our profile completely and seek out anyone we might want to meet by sending private messages, although this would be kind of hard for us as we are inexperienced and it's not easy for us to make first moves.
Anyone else been in a similar spot with any constructive advice please?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You haven't concealed your face that well though
He's just chancing his arm,If you feel like he's been stalkerish then just block him and if you're worried about being recognised then obscure your faces properly x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"You haven't concealed your face that well though
He's just chancing his arm,If you feel like he's been stalkerish then just block him and if you're worried about being recognised then obscure your faces properly x"
I'd totally crop the head out of the pic. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *roggMan
over a year ago
haverfordwest |
"You haven't concealed your face that well though
He's just chancing his arm,If you feel like he's been stalkerish then just block him and if you're worried about being recognised then obscure your faces properly x"
I think that is sensible advice about your face etc and I must say that you have fabulous boobs
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
That does sound worrying. If discretion is important to you then only you can really decide whether you're worried enough to leave.
Having said that, your pictures do give a lot away. I think it would be pretty easy to recognize you (the female half, anyway). A better way of maintaining anonymity is by not having your heads in the picture at all. That way hair and face shape are not discernable.
You could also put a different hometown to your actual one so that you won't necessarily show up in the searches of people who are near you.
Just some ideas. Good luck!
-Courtney |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Block him, hide profile, change location to somewhere less specific, change photos - I think I'd recognise you in a pub with those photos. You 'stand out'...
Don't worry about it though. So a man knows your real name and you're on fab. He won't tell anyone, I bet and if anyone else asks you can simply deny it if that makes you feel more comfortable.
The last thing you should do is leave. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks all for commenting and have taken on board the advice.
Conside_ed blocking him, but not sure whether that might aggravate him somehow?
"
I get where you're coming from with that but if anyone played the I know who you are game with me and wouldn't tell me who they were then they're immature enough to warrant a block
He can't harm you in anyway without outing himself and making himself look like an absolute bastard in the process |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Some guy came onto me n said he knew me n wanted money from me n I stood my ground n told him in no uncertain terms where to go n what to do n reported him to admin n left it at that heard nothing back . IDE never pay anyone |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks all for commenting and have taken on board the advice.
Conside_ed blocking him, but not sure whether that might aggravate him somehow?
"
In the end, only you can decide. Swinging isn't a crime but stalking and harassment definitely are. When your privacy is breached though, once that particular cat is out of the bag, it's pretty hard to get it back in. If you have no verifications on this profile and aren't attached to it, then I'd delete it, start again with new text and pictures that aren't so recognisable and put the postcode somewhere else. Block him from your new profile and just be careful in future. If he tracks you down again, deal with it then in a more assertive way |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Not a very nice man by the sounds of it. Just hit block button. We've had people fishing with us. The best thing to do is ignore, block and move on. Not had any bother doing that. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
He may have taken a wild stab with the name. He was right this time, but he did not know he was right until you replied.
In a way it's too late, you could come off here but he knows now and if he was going to be weird then he could be so without you being on the site any more.
We've conside_ed this ourselves as we like our privacy. In the end I'm mostly bothe_ed about parents knowing as anyone else with an issue I couldn't care less about.
But stay calm, id go with maybe toning down the pics, definitely block him and keep a copy of your exchanges in case it does get weird. But don't leave. If you do then he's been effective in his harassment, if that is what it is! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Saying that I could remember the body of women I have liked
Take it as a lesson what goes on the net stays on the net even after its deleted
I would suggest next time just not entertaining it and press the block as soon as they say somethings like that
It's mind games and you fall for at as your a woman and nothing excites you more than a mystery xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
On a different note of you were neighbor work band or someone I see say monthly enough to say hello to
Or even just see every now and then
I would recognise you from those pictures |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"He must of known you pretty well to know its you lol as you are just showing your boobs."
Look at the chin and hair not many girls with blonde hair like that
Chin a very distinctive |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"He must of known you pretty well to know its you lol as you are just showing your boobs.
She hid her other pics, Shag 
-Courtney"
Yes, that is right, just noticed that to as its hidden in private. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"He must of known you pretty well to know its you lol as you are just showing your boobs.
Look at the chin and hair not many girls with blonde hair like that
Chin a very distinctive "
That is right as well and yes the blonde hair also gives it away. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Block, Delete and make use of the "filter" system they have on this site. You may not get as many messages as your used to or receive a high volume of "fabs" on your pics but you will have control of who can see or message you. Also maintain a strict policy with what you show in your public pics. If you really don't want to be recognised then keep the whole of your faces hidden and don't show any distinctive markings such as tattoos or even jewellery that you wear out.
Don't delete your account, we know how it makes you feel when you are recognised as we've had exactly the same, but the way we see it is we are all here for the same thing!!  xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
We've had it a few times.Instant block.
I do wonder about the sort of bloke who thinks it's acceptable behaviour to do this.Even if you do recognise someone (and I have a few on here)just keep it to yourself.
If you do end up having further contact on Fab, then would be the time to say ' I think we may know each others
Some blokes really are dim. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"We've had it a few times.Instant block.
I do wonder about the sort of bloke who thinks it's acceptable behaviour to do this.Even if you do recognise someone (and I have a few on here)just keep it to yourself.
If you do end up having further contact on Fab, then would be the time to say ' I think we may know each others
Some blokes really are dim."
Yeh he kinda shot his chances of a meet down in flames. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
We've had the same thing twice. Bit freaky at first, we know, but you shouldn't worry. Block him and change sufficient details on your account to be unrecognisable is one way to go - or delete your account and start a new one with the changes from the outset (new username, slightly different location, different pics etc) |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Op - you are overthinking this .
By all means block him if you like , but that as you say may aggravate him . So call him out .
Invite him for a drink , he's on here for the same reason as you and would probably also feel upset if the small community you live in knew about him .
Tell him to mind his own business face to face .
Problem solved .
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *edMan
over a year ago
cambridgeshire |
"We live in a small community so discretion is paramount for us. Imagine my horror yesterday to receive a message from an unknown single guy asking me (the fem) for a meet, asking me by my real name (which is no-where on our profile). Very freaky! His profile indicates his being on here for over a year, with no meets or verifications recorded in all that time.
When I recove_ed a bit I responded asking how he knew me by name. To cut a long story short, after several messages being exchanged he admitted he recognised my body (no face pics publicly displayed) from seeing me in a local pub quite often with my husband over 15 years ago, and that he'd always lusted after me from afar so to speak. He hasn't seen us in over 15 years and yet he recognises my body, even with me now having different colou_ed hair and hair style!!
Perhaps I'm a bit paranoid, but worryingly his messages came over as a bit creepy or stalkerish, i.e. I know you and your husband by name, where you are and you have no idea who I am.
As with nearly all of us here we are very careful about concealing the precise location where we live (especially as we are in a small community), our names, faces or our even our initials. We are now not sure how we should handle this; drop out of the scene altogether or thinking perhaps we should hide our profile completely and seek out anyone we might want to meet by sending private messages, although this would be kind of hard for us as we are inexperienced and it's not easy for us to make first moves.
Anyone else been in a similar spot with any constructive advice please?
"
I'd say this odd not normal behaviour, not even for FAB lol.
I just saw a cpl on FAB the other day that I know outside of here, or any other sex/swinging arena.
It would be the worse kind of behaviour to try and take advantage, especially as they want couples only.. (Ain't it always so! lol)
I'd block him, and if he approached in a pub or whatever, I'd knock his block off! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *G Couple OP Couple
over a year ago
Newton Stewart |
Thanks so much to everyone for your help.
In the light of day the initial worry has diminished a bit, especially with the reassurance your messages have given.
The chances of ever crossing paths with him are minimal (presumably, because it's 15+ years since he last saw us in person!), we now live somewhere different from back then and our real location is not quite as close as noted in our profile anyway.
It is just such a shame that we have to hide so much, even on this site, when initial attraction is so important to sparking interest for meeting people. We have never had anyone contact us because of the profile text; it's always been the pics that got the interest. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You have very distinctive looks - and I don't just mean the fabulous boobs lol. I reckon I could spot your face in a crowd. As others have suggested, crop the photo and use a less specific location. And lie if anyone else thinks they recognise you lol |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks so much to everyone for your help.
In the light of day the initial worry has diminished a bit, especially with the reassurance your messages have given.
"
That's good.
To be honest with you i think you more likely found it creepy because it wasn't expected.
He didn't hide how he recognised you, or who he was. And he was open and honest about why he recognised you too.
I've had guys say they've seen me out and about, if they're identifiable and not hiding who they are on their page then this doesn't bother me, if they're unidentifiable then it's more creepy because i've no idea who they are. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Op - you are overthinking this .
By all means block him if you like , but that as you say may aggravate him . So call him out .
Invite him for a drink , he's on here for the same reason as you and would probably also feel upset if the small community you live in knew about him .
Tell him to mind his own business face to face .
Problem solved .
"
What this couple said |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
we know how that feels, We had a message from another couple who said they had seen us that night at a parents evening. it was a bit unnerving to think we've been recognised from our profile in our kids school.
After a short panic we asked them straight out who they were as they knew us we wanted to know who they were.
It turned out to be a couple living opposite so rather then hide we all went to lunch and have become good friends and Yes we have had some fun
So I'd say tell him to reveal himself or you'll report him for stalking
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I had a random msg on fb before asking if we was on fab  as he recognised me (L) I simply blagged it off and said no I'm not I've no idea what your talking about I've never heard of fab lol...He blocked me straight after its amazing how many ppl are on here that you normally walk past in the street  we was sat in a cafe last week and there was a bloke sat there staring when iasked my hubby Iif he knew him turns out he was on here and had in boxed us a few times
We've also had inboxes from a woman who when we turned her down she called me every name under the sun and was able to tell us what road we lived in etc  she got reported and blocked and forgotten about
try not too worry as said above were all on here for the same thing x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *otsMan
over a year ago
Higham |
I agree block withdraw your pix only post less revealing ones.
Certainly none that show your face.
I have had loads of people ask for face pix none ever get them. If they want to meet they'll meet.
Safety first!
If they get stalker ish don't engage them block and report.
Unless of course you wish to be a public exibitionist and like living dangerously.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"We live in a small community so discretion is paramount for us. Imagine my horror yesterday to receive a message from an unknown single guy asking me (the fem) for a meet, asking me by my real name (which is no-where on our profile). Very freaky! His profile indicates his being on here for over a year, with no meets or verifications recorded in all that time.
When I recove_ed a bit I responded asking how he knew me by name. To cut a long story short, after several messages being exchanged he admitted he recognised my body (no face pics publicly displayed) from seeing me in a local pub quite often with my husband over 15 years ago, and that he'd always lusted after me from afar so to speak. He hasn't seen us in over 15 years and yet he recognises my body, even with me now having different colou_ed hair and hair style!!
Perhaps I'm a bit paranoid, but worryingly his messages came over as a bit creepy or stalkerish, i.e. I know you and your husband by name, where you are and you have no idea who I am.
As with nearly all of us here we are very careful about concealing the precise location where we live (especially as we are in a small community), our names, faces or our even our initials. We are now not sure how we should handle this; drop out of the scene altogether or thinking perhaps we should hide our profile completely and seek out anyone we might want to meet by sending private messages, although this would be kind of hard for us as we are inexperienced and it's not easy for us to make first moves.
Anyone else been in a similar spot with any constructive advice please?
"
Get him to meet hubbie for a chat and make sure you know then who it is as he sounds as though he has something to loose too. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks all for commenting and have taken on board the advice.
Conside_ed blocking him, but not sure whether that might aggravate him somehow?
"
Msg your friends and delete that profile, open new one, change public photos, hide your verifications, vet who can contact you? Remember that some people will have more than one profile so take a very good look at you friends list or people who you have met, maybe? Very rare that sort of behaviour from a stranger!! And if it is a stranger all of the above mentioned should loose him/her. Remember to block them from your new profile the moment you set it up? He/she will be non the wiser  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
