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Erection issues
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By *ndyjim04 OP Man
over a year ago
Tunbridge Wells |
I enjoy meeting couples for threesomes, although I come across confident I get very nervous during first meetings, this results in me not being able to get an erection. I know there is nothing wrong with me because I have no problems once I get used to people and I always wake up with a good erection. I know it's down to nerves but the more I think about it the worse it gets, I find it so frustrating and embarrassing. I don't want to take Viagra or pills, I have heard you can get sprays, does anyone know what it's called, if it works and where i can get it. Any advice gratefully accepted. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My dad always said WD40 would fix anything.....not sure in this case though.
Seriously have a look on the love honey site. There are sprays etc...should find some there? |
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"I enjoy meeting couples for threesomes, although I come across confident I get very nervous during first meetings, this results in me not being able to get an erection. I know there is nothing wrong with me because I have no problems once I get used to people and I always wake up with a good erection. I know it's down to nerves but the more I think about it the worse it gets, I find it so frustrating and embarrassing. I don't want to take Viagra or pills, I have heard you can get sprays, does anyone know what it's called, if it works and where i can get it. Any advice gratefully accepted."
Try a cock ring. Great confidence booster. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can't help but associate cock rings with erectile problems.
Kamagra is something that I've found an incredible confidence booster for nervous and confident guys alike.
What are your reservations about taking it? Are you worried about side effects? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know it's down to nerves but the more I think about it the worse it gets, I find it so frustrating and embarrassing."
And this my friend is EXACTLY your problem, any doctor will tell you that ED in most cases is purely psychological.
You're better off finding an understanding couple who will help you relax and do things at your pace, rather than you putting pressure on yourself to perform. You only make the situation worse when you start thinking and worrying about it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know it's down to nerves but the more I think about it the worse it gets, I find it so frustrating and embarrassing.
And this my friend is EXACTLY your problem, any doctor will tell you that ED in most cases is purely psychological.
You're better off finding an understanding couple who will help you relax and do things at your pace, rather than you putting pressure on yourself to perform. You only make the situation worse when you start thinking and worrying about it "
Perfectly put. This is not a rare problem. The most un-sexy thought is "is my dick hard yet" - the more you think it, the worse it gets. Understand that it's very natural to have this problem and try not to be embarrassed. It's happened to me, more than once, I'm embarrassed by what happened but I'm not embarrassed to be human. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I meant to add that, even if you do opt for the pill option. It won't work.
ED treatments only work when your aroused as they help maintain an erection. They are not a take one and walk round with an instant boner for 24-48 hours. They only work when you get yourself aroused, which will not happen if your sat there thinking "Shit, I've popped a pill and fuck all's happening!"
Downward spiralling trend, plus you risk damage to yourself taking ED treatments when you DON'T actually need it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I single guy can have a lot of pressure to 'perform'. I often feel that on meets. But I try to remember that the people I meet are lovely and they want everyone involved to relax and have fun.
Easier said then done, I know. Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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how do your meets start off? are they relaxed, social and gradually move on to playing or are they more of a fuck and go meet?
do you have just a social meet and then arrange to meet again at a later date for a play meet or play on the first meet?
i would say you should try just a social meet the first time and then if you meet again start back off with a social till you feel really comfortable and relaxed in there company before any playing happens. also try and slowly introduce playing rather that "right lets get naked and fuck".
have you tried cock rings? or spending more time pleasuring the other person till you have relaxed a bit for the little fella to wake up?
hope some of this may help but most of all dont worry about it and put it to the back of your mind. it has happened or will happen to every man at some time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have had this problem a few years back with a past girlfriend. I would feel my whole body tense up and would feel very stressed even to the point of almost sweating. I found that understanding and a bit of abstinence helps. Abstain from even masturbatikn and then when your really fucking horny it's much easier. Then after that you wonder what all the worry and stress was about. Hope this helps. It happens to the best of us. Just find your own way to overcome it. |
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Try going in for some soft swing - lots of it.
In the right hands/lips/situation you might surprise yourself.
I don't know how you go on in your meets but don't go in for a fuck, adding pressure to your 'performance'.
Suggest to your fellow swingers that you might like to play soft only and as I'm sure you all know, if you all feel like fucking then fucking will happen but if you suggest soft only then there's no pressure on anyone to 'perform'. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Morning
It was one of the things that worried me after being with Stefe for 16 years, not so much that it affected me in any way but it is there at the back of your mind.
As other people have said it's about being able to relax with who ever you are with the social side of this is very important.
This is meant to be fun take your time and find the right couple. After talking with other couples even if they have been into this for years everyone gets very nervous and excited before a meet even a social.
So your not alone it's the same for everyone (and i know as i write this your going to be thinking if i could do that there would not be a problem) just relax and take your time don't rush into anything there are loads of friendly people on here get to know them and talk to them they are all feeling the same as you.
You have only been on here a week it took us about a month to even start talking to other couples.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I enjoy meeting couples for threesomes, although I come across confident I get very nervous during first meetings, this results in me not being able to get an erection. I know there is nothing wrong with me because I have no problems once I get used to people and I always wake up with a good erection. I know it's down to nerves but the more I think about it the worse it gets, I find it so frustrating and embarrassing. I don't want to take Viagra or pills, I have heard you can get sprays, does anyone know what it's called, if it works and where i can get it. Any advice gratefully accepted."
Wd40 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Every now and then I meet a guy who's nerves affect his errection.
I don't see that as his problem; it's my fault for making him nervous. I just go back to kissing him and his body and distract him from thinking "am I hard yet?" By backing it up a level or two it takes the pressure off and we're soon back on track  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just relax and take your time. Very often its in the mind but before taking anything see a doctor they will give you a full health check before wasting money on stuff that may not help. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just do oral. Might work and distract your mind  "
Even oral won't resolve the panic sometimes. I had a guy start to say sorry. I said ssshh and went back to kissing etc. We got there with a little patience. He said it was the first time someone had got him over it.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just do oral. Might work and distract your mind
Even oral won't resolve the panic sometimes. I had a guy start to say sorry. I said ssshh and went back to kissing etc. We got there with a little patience. He said it was the first time someone had got him over it. "
There you go you worked some magic
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just do oral. Might work and distract your mind
Even oral won't resolve the panic sometimes. I had a guy start to say sorry. I said ssshh and went back to kissing etc. We got there with a little patience. He said it was the first time someone had got him over it.
There you go you worked some magic
"
Always |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Great thread and advice.
With people I've spoken to I mention I have same problem.
Soft swing  Lots of kissing spooning and affection and massages ??
All good |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Great thread and advice.
With people I've spoken to I mention I have same problem.
Soft swing Lots of kissing spooning and affection and massages ??
All good"
Exactly; pressure off and up it comes  |
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By *osweet69Couple
over a year ago
portsmouth |
"I can't help but associate cock rings with erectile problems.
Kamagra is something that I've found an incredible confidence booster for nervous and confident guys alike.
What are your reservations about taking it? Are you worried about side effects?"
I have a lovely delicate silver cock ring that I wear when we go to Spice or places like that and I wear it just as an jewellery item. I wonder how many other people associate then with erectile problems?  |
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By *osweet69Couple
over a year ago
portsmouth |
"I can't help but associate cock rings with erectile problems.
Kamagra is something that I've found an incredible confidence booster for nervous and confident guys alike.
What are your reservations about taking it? Are you worried about side effects?
I have a lovely delicate silver cock ring that I wear when we go to Spice or places like that and I wear it just as an jewellery item. I wonder how many other people associate then with erectile problems? "
oops them* |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Even the most experienced guy will sometimes get a softy. And you cant stay hard all of the time. It goes in waves.
If you go soft just relax. Get to pleasuring the people you are with and you'll soon start to get the blood flowing to the right places. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can't help but associate cock rings with erectile problems.
Kamagra is something that I've found an incredible confidence booster for nervous and confident guys alike.
What are your reservations about taking it? Are you worried about side effects?"
I agree with cleo about Kamagra, guys I know who use it find it just gives them more confidence dealing with possible stage fright.
To be honest I wish more guys would use it...it's would cut down the frustration on meets!
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By *oo hotCouple
over a year ago
North West |
"I can't help but associate cock rings with erectile problems.
Kamagra is something that I've found an incredible confidence booster for nervous and confident guys alike.
What are your reservations about taking it? Are you worried about side effects?
I agree with cleo about Kamagra, guys I know who use it find it just gives them more confidence dealing with possible stage fright.
To be honest I wish more guys would use it...it's would cut down the frustration on meets!
"
Kamagra = Insurance
Half a Kamagra always helps |
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This is why I always have a social meet first, if it goes well and a level of chemistry and attraction is there then a play meet is arranged for next time. I never have and never could just meet someone for a fuck on the first meet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can't help but associate cock rings with erectile problems.
Kamagra is something that I've found an incredible confidence booster for nervous and confident guys alike.
What are your reservations about taking it? Are you worried about side effects?
I agree with cleo about Kamagra, guys I know who use it find it just gives them more confidence dealing with possible stage fright.
To be honest I wish more guys would use it...it's would cut down the frustration on meets!
"
Few problems:
1) Kamagra is illegal
2) it's active ingredient is sildenafil citrate, which is the same as viagra anyway
3) As it's illegal you'd probably be buying it from dodgy websites who might be selling you bear pooh for all you know |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think there is another problem that I did cover in a thread some months ago;
Condoms.
No. Not fear of them. Size.
I have had 'issues' when trying to use them and have all my sexual life. I use skyns because they don't taste horrendous and are very thin.
But; I always felt all I could feel was the condom gripping me rather than the woman I was with.
I saw some skyns on special offer in the supermarket but they only had 'large'.
I bought and tried them to find I couldn't tell I was wearing a condom and the 'problem' had gone.
My conclusion; I'm hung like a..... No no no lol.
My conclusion; condoms are pretty small. Guys are bigger than they often realise and who ever thinks they need a bigger condom.
Honestly guys; try it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I enjoy meeting couples for threesomes, although I come across confident I get very nervous during first meetings, this results in me not being able to get an erection. I know there is nothing wrong with me because I have no problems once I get used to people and I always wake up with a good erection. I know it's down to nerves but the more I think about it the worse it gets, I find it so frustrating and embarrassing. I don't want to take Viagra or pills, I have heard you can get sprays, does anyone know what it's called, if it works and where i can get it. Any advice gratefully accepted."
Quite plainly and simply join in when some else is doing it and concentrate on kissing neck from behind and her back you can be cold as fuck in a car park with 4 other blokes and u will be king of the world
A because you did something she liked and different
B because you got an erecting penis
Keep your condim nearby practice openin then an putting them on in dark and cold quickly whilst still kissing her neck bring her arm round so she can feel the condon and whack it in
Jobs a good in and your king of the world |
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"I can't help but associate cock rings with erectile problems.
Kamagra is something that I've found an incredible confidence booster for nervous and confident guys alike.
What are your reservations about taking it? Are you worried about side effects?
I have a lovely delicate silver cock ring that I wear when we go to Spice or places like that and I wear it just as an jewellery item. I wonder how many other people associate then with erectile problems? "
I wear mine as a jewellery item too.
I also like the feeling I get from it.
If they associate it with ED I don't give a shite.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have the same issues which is why I am more than just a cock!
I have other qualities which compensate as well as satisfy, until the little man is ready to play! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sprays can be dangerous more so than Viagra etc once had a patient who sprayed loads on way more than reccomended and ended up with a priapism and had to have an operation it never worked again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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ive had this once before , we was in a cples playroom loads of sexy peeps around us naked and playing , mildred on the bed beckoning me to fuck her, every mans dream to be where I was at that moment,
I went soft, I was laying there I was rubbing my cock mildred was rubbing and sucking my cock but nothing,
so I just started to pleasure mildred normal fore play ect making sure she was having fun,
im sure nobody noticed as I was playing with mildred, took about 10 mins and hey presto I was back in the game,
im sure I was over thinking the whole situation, the key word is relax |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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At a club when we started swinging, I was in the 'orgy room' playing with a lady friend who was HOT! I wanted her badly.
That was the problem. We played and then everything ready and .....
Nope it all went away.
I put myself under too much pressure to perform. In the end I just said that it just wasn't going to happen and the lady was fantastic. Said it didn't matter and we carried on playing.
When we met another time in private, no problem.
I have been swinging with my wives for over ten years and been to a lot of clubs and parties (hosted a good few and gang bangs etc).it happens to everyone at some point. Take the pressure off yourself. |
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"At a club when we started swinging, I was in the 'orgy room' playing with a lady friend who was HOT! I wanted her badly.
That was the problem. We played and then everything ready and .....
Nope it all went away.
I put myself under too much pressure to perform. In the end I just said that it just wasn't going to happen and the lady was fantastic. Said it didn't matter and we carried on playing.
When we met another time in private, no problem.
I have been swinging with my wives for over ten years and been to a lot of clubs and parties (hosted a good few and gang bangs etc).it happens to everyone at some point. Take the pressure off yourself."
Said it perfectly..even when I know I'm gonna play I treat it bo differently than a social. .and I've been fine everytime |
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"you need to go and see your gp your at that age when you need to be checked out could be something or nothing"
Generally if you're getting morning erections and good erections at other times then it's not medical and something you need to see the GP about
Absence of erections is a different issue and would warrant a visit to the GP |
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"you need to go and see your gp your at that age when you need to be checked out could be something or nothing
Generally if you're getting morning erections and good erections at other times then it's not medical and something you need to see the GP about
Absence of erections is a different issue and would warrant a visit to the GP "
Surely if it's completely down to the stress of the situation, then it's still medical... stress is definitely something a doctor could help with.
Cal |
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"you need to go and see your gp your at that age when you need to be checked out could be something or nothing
Generally if you're getting morning erections and good erections at other times then it's not medical and something you need to see the GP about
Absence of erections is a different issue and would warrant a visit to the GP
Surely if it's completely down to the stress of the situation, then it's still medical... stress is definitely something a doctor could help with.
Cal"
If it's chronic anxiety and related to a mental health issue yes, performance anxiety or stress just about performance in a swinging situation, where there are no issues at other times, isn't really a medical situation in the sense of needed medication etc
Sometimes GPs will prescribe sildenafil in these settings as a few positive experiences can break the cycle and restore confidence but that's not the same as needing treatment for the performance anxiety |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Glad to see this issue being discussed openly, it is a perennial one that will remain. Yes, it is usually caused by a "broken wire" between brain and knob and the more you worry about it the more that wiring stays broke. Yes, enhancement drugs can only work when your brains sexual urges are the catalyst . . and there's nothing makes that broken wiring break even more that popping a pill and staring at your flaccid knob!
However there are other issues which can just be a fact of your life, these days some common illnesses are recognised as being responsible . . diabetes, blood pressure issues, side effects of prescription medicine and of course smoking and diet. Being just over 60 I (Prick) found my GP started giving me pills to "reduce my high blood pressure" and how did I get high blood pressure? It's all too common in men as they get older even if they have a healthy heart . . and guess what pills designed to reduce blood pressure can do? Yep, kicked in the balls!
But truthfully it is only a REAL issue if the woman - or man - you are with makes it so. If the female you're attempted to hump sneers at your floppy knob then what does that say about her? Shallow? Selfish? Give them a fat candle to use . . they'll be easily pleased!
If "floppy knob syndrome" is an issue to you then relax and be inventive, use your hands, your mouth, your very masculinity to caress and adore a woman allowing her true quality time instead . . and happily you may find a partner like my Pussy too. She ADORES sucking and playing with my floppy knob because she can take her time, as she says so many guys think it's a thrill to grab her hair and ram a tent-pole past her tonsils. She'll accept being skull-fucked as a sexual act but she would rather she was in charge when it comes to using her mouth to adore cock.
If you think your floppy knob might indicate a problem then don't delay seeing your GP but if not then relax and look for other ways to have stunning sex.
Pussy? I'm ready for my second BJ of the day?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I once had someone give me a very 'different BJ' that kept me soft but I shot my load (and a VERY big load it was!).
It was a very strange thing but fantastic. How she did it, I have no idea.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I once had someone give me a very 'different BJ' that kept me soft but I shot my load (and a VERY big load it was!).
It was a very strange thing but fantastic. How she did it, I have no idea.
"
Pussy does it all the time . . and why do guys think that they won't cum if not as hard as nails? You actually feel the gush even more! |
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By *ndyjim04 OP Man
over a year ago
Tunbridge Wells |
Thanks everyone for your advice. I went to the doctors, there is nothing wrong probably a combination of age and nerves. He recommended some pills, they did the trick, had a great meet everything worked beyond expectation. Hopefully the curse is now broken. My advice to anyone with this problem is to speak to their doctor. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks everyone for your advice. I went to the doctors, there is nothing wrong probably a combination of age and nerves. He recommended some pills, they did the trick, had a great meet everything worked beyond expectation. Hopefully the curse is now broken. My advice to anyone with this problem is to speak to their doctor."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Easy... just dont play until u feel comfy and confident. Im sure youre worth waiting for
"
I have read all this thread with great interest because my hubby has the same problem occasionally. He performs very well at home and with people he knows well - he just gets nervous with new people. I always tell him just relax and enjoy the sights and sounds....I don't want him to resort to any medicines or devices, personally I think it makes sense to work on the psychology of the situation then the physical reactions will sort themselves out eventually, m x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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But putting jokes aside (sorry). Does it not get better once you get down to skin on skin contact and the smell of a sexually aroused woman?
Always works for me. Especially when it gets to me giving oral....I'm always like a poker then. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks everyone for your advice. I went to the doctors, there is nothing wrong probably a combination of age and nerves. He recommended some pills, they did the trick, had a great meet everything worked beyond expectation. Hopefully the curse is now broken. My advice to anyone with this problem is to speak to their doctor."
Well done OP!
I don't think it's an age thing at all! So many guys have this problem in clubs! I wish more would get pills |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Interesting reading this....
At the club I go to, I find everything is great, until the time I get little man out! Then BAM! even though the people I am with are incredibly hot, I jus can't seem to het it up
Gonna lay off the wanking for a week or so, see how I am on my next visit.... may just go for the social if nothing else.
It will work eventually, just gotta get over the nerves and expectations of cock to get hard.
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If you can get hard at other times, then this is absolutely mind over matter. I can make a guy come three or four times when he is used to shooting once. It is what I say as much as what I do which achieves this. Train your mind to focus on the scene in front of you and forget your cock. Enjoy the arousing scene and your cock will stiffen before you know it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you can get hard at other times, then this is absolutely mind over matter. I can make a guy come three or four times when he is used to shooting once. It is what I say as much as what I do which achieves this. Train your mind to focus on the scene in front of you and forget your cock. Enjoy the arousing scene and your cock will stiffen before you know it."
This is great advice, but when it comes to it im just too bloody nervous, are the people im with enjoying everything, am I just too dumb to not see the problem is only with me??
I would love to just sit back and let the little one wake up, watch the surroundings and enjoy the moment, it will happen in the end, but it's been 5 months so far
The people are great and understanding, but I just want ot to work just the once to prove to myself it's all in my head. |
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By *htcMan
over a year ago
MK |
try oral, or if not there is one thing i know will cause almost any cock to go hard, trust, put some pure alcohol gel on your cock, play with it a little, it will burn slightly or alot depending on where, for a about minute or so, but a erection happens, gets very warm too. |
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"Thanks everyone for your advice. I went to the doctors, there is nothing wrong probably a combination of age and nerves. He recommended some pills, they did the trick, had a great meet everything worked beyond expectation. Hopefully the curse is now broken. My advice to anyone with this problem is to speak to their doctor. "
I am so pleased you found a solution..May I ask if it was viagra that was prescribed? ? It has been a real godsend for so many .. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I enjoy meeting couples for threesomes, although I come across confident I get very nervous during first meetings, this results in me not being able to get an erection. I know there is nothing wrong with me because I have no problems once I get used to people and I always wake up with a good erection. I know it's down to nerves but the more I think about it the worse it gets, I find it so frustrating and embarrassing. I don't want to take Viagra or pills, I have heard you can get sprays, does anyone know what it's called, if it works and where i can get it. Any advice gratefully accepted."
Concentrate on holding girl from behind , while hubby in front .
Kiss her neck and rub shoulders etc,, tell her how sexy she is , and how much she will love two cocks ( or say nothing) . Kiss her back, etc
Take time . She will appreciate it as your being non pushy , letting husband take first steps and give you a chance to relax.
When you see how much she enjoys it , you will be fine
I find that the easiest way to get a stiffy is to pull the hair, holding gently , and just breathing close to the neck . Tell her she smells nice .
its very difficult to get a stiffy , when you have a woman , standing in front of you legs open saying fuck me now.
So you need to take control ( not in a weird rapey way) and take things at your pace,
I usually find that after going down on a girl , they repay the favor,
did you know that it's easier to get a stiffy when you need a piss |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"relaxing is the key"
Agreed, as OP has recognised,its all in the mind. Dont bother with fake sprays and stimulants as you will end up training yourself to only get an erection on using such stuff. A gentle prostate massage will get any cock hard quickly.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"relaxing is the key
Agreed, as OP has recognised,its all in the mind. Dont bother with fake sprays and stimulants as you will end up training yourself to only get an erection on using such stuff. A gentle prostate massage will get any cock hard quickly.."
not really the place and the time at the party girls want instant hardness lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Princetarzan - are you sure all us girls want instant hardness? have you asked?
Maybe it is because I am a lady not a girl - but I think this - yes a hard cock ready to play is exciting but a cock is attached to a mind and if the cock is a little limp then I like to rise to the challenge and tease, tempt and entice both the cock and the mind behind it until he wants me, needs me and must have me NOW!
Also - I love the feel of a flaccid cock warm and pliable rolling around in my mouth - the texture, weight and movement of it changing gradually as the man hardens in appreciation of my attentive licking, sucking and tongueing.....mmmm |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Princetarzan - are you sure all us girls want instant hardness? have you asked?
Maybe it is because I am a lady not a girl - but I think this - yes a hard cock ready to play is exciting but a cock is attached to a mind and if the cock is a little limp then I like to rise to the challenge and tease, tempt and entice both the cock and the mind behind it until he wants me, needs me and must have me NOW!
Also - I love the feel of a flaccid cock warm and pliable rolling around in my mouth - the texture, weight and movement of it changing gradually as the man hardens in appreciation of my attentive licking, sucking and tongueing.....mmmm "
ladys dont block single men lol
Think you got my point tho and yes it would be challenging. .. |
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{R. (male) here} - I used to get "stage-fright" initially. Now I can "perform" in the presence of any number of folk, male and female, participating or observing. My performance is solely dependent on my attraction for the lady (and I am very attracted to most ladies!).
"Stage-fright" can take a few weeks or months from discovering playing before it becomes a forgotten thing-of-the-past.
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Nice to see someone who is confident enough to admit this.
Stop focusing on your cock.
You have a mouth and two hands (I'm assuming) and can give pleasure to your playmates.
You describe this as a mental block. So distract yourself by going down on the person you are with, and don't worry. |
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