FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Not emotionally ready, may cancel meet.
Not emotionally ready, may cancel meet.
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Hey,
Well I joined FAB a month ago and after a few mishaps I met a nice woman, who is apart of a couple but is willing to do a 1:1 with me, without the partner getting involved ( he knows about me ).
As nice as she is, she does go on quite a bit about her partner... But anyway we've arranged a social meet this weekend. But a day ago, she said something that made me feel like I was just... a person on her list whose she's going to (may) have sex with... And it also kind of reminded why I didn't want to get involved with couples in the first place.
I thought, it I'm already feeling like this, maybe it means I'm not emotionally ready to have (meaningless) sex with someone... Who also happens to be in a relationship. You see, I've only had sex with one person and we were together for many years.
But... I'm not sure... I've always wanted to do 1:1 with a female, with no emotions involved. But I don't think I can, I've never had a one night stand before, or slept with a friend or anyone, just the person I was going out with.
Maybe I'm just thinking too deep about this. I don't think I'm emotionally ready to do this yet... stupid as it sounds.
I was thinking of cancelling the meet, but I don't want to be seen as a time waster, I don't want the person to feel like I was taking granted etc. I don't think I'm ready for this yet. I was thinking of leaving FAB for a year, sort my shit out,focus on my studies... As I really can't fuck up my major year...sort out my emotions etc.
I've been through a lot and I guess I was using FAB as my escapism. I thought I was ready for this. But I'm not. 
Has anyone else felt like this? I just feel like an idiot writing this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you cancel it in advance (as opposed to just not turning up) then I don't see how you can be accused of being a timewaster, especially if it was only a social meet anyway.
My rule is now that if I'm not sure about something or someone, then I won't do it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you cancel it in advance (as opposed to just not turning up) then I don't see how you can be accused of being a timewaster, especially if it was only a social meet anyway.
My rule is now that if I'm not sure about something or someone, then I won't do it. "
Totally agree
Just tell her your not ready to meet at present. |
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Don't feel silly writing it. It's natural to be nervous before a meet but from what I can gather from your post, this has gone a bit beyond nerves.
It doesn't sound to me like you're ready to do this which is absolutely fine. The swinging lifestyle is not for everyone.
Why don't you cancel this meet, take a step back and clear your head and then work out if this is really what you want.
Sending you some love (sounds like you need it) x |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"If you cancel it in advance (as opposed to just not turning up) then I don't see how you can be accused of being a timewaster, especially if it was only a social meet anyway.
My rule is now that if I'm not sure about something or someone, then I won't do it. "
I agree. If you're going to cancel, do it now. That at least gives her time to arrange something with someone who wants to meet.
Sometimes I get the feeling I really don't want to go to all the trouble of going to a meet. I usually go, and have an excellent time. But sometimes I don't and am happy with my decision. Only you know what's for thee best/ |
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I'd suggest getting on with your studies, You dont want to flunk it by spending all your time and energy here. Fabs is just entertainment for most people.
If your interested in meeting a woman, then why not try visiting a club at some stage. All the best, good luck
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You are most certainly not an idiot for writing this. If the other person knows you are completely new to this, _iew should understand when you send a message simply saying "pm sorry but I've realised I'm not ready for this".
It sounds as though your relationship has only recently ended and you need time to be on your own first. You also sound embarrassed at only having been with one person but sweetheart, you're only 22. I'm 42 and until summer last year, I had only ever been with one person. The thought of having sex with another person scared the life out of me. I joined a dating site (the one where you go fishing) and met up with a nice enough guy. I ended up sleeping with him on our second meet and for me it was just sex. No emotions. I just wanted to get that 'first time sex with someone else' nerves out of the way.
Sorry for waffling on. Basically you just need to do what's right for you and not worry about what the other person might think or feel. D |
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Thanks you everyone . I thought I was going to get flamed for writing this.
I think I haven't gotten over my ex and I need to get used to being on my own.
The woman's comment made me realised what I really want.... a relationship. When she talked about her partner, as they seem like they have a lovely relationship, I felt a twang... I wasn't jealous, but it did make me realise that I do miss being in a relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From the 2 threads I have read of yours, you seem a nice girl, but not ready for this.
Set yourself free and good luck with your studies, I hope you do brilliantly  "
I thought the same when I read your recent threads. Not quite the right time for you yet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey,
Well I joined FAB a month ago and after a few mishaps I met a nice woman, who is apart of a couple but is willing to do a 1:1 with me, without the partner getting involved ( he knows about me ).
As nice as she is, she does go on quite a bit about her partner... But anyway we've arranged a social meet this weekend. But a day ago, she said something that made me feel like I was just... a person on her list whose she's going to (may) have sex with... And it also kind of reminded why I didn't want to get involved with couples in the first place.
I thought, it I'm already feeling like this, maybe it means I'm not emotionally ready to have (meaningless) sex with someone... Who also happens to be in a relationship. You see, I've only had sex with one person and we were together for many years.
But... I'm not sure... I've always wanted to do 1:1 with a female, with no emotions involved. But I don't think I can, I've never had a one night stand before, or slept with a friend or anyone, just the person I was going out with.
Maybe I'm just thinking too deep about this. I don't think I'm emotionally ready to do this yet... stupid as it sounds.
I was thinking of cancelling the meet, but I don't want to be seen as a time waster, I don't want the person to feel like I was taking granted etc. I don't think I'm ready for this yet. I was thinking of leaving FAB for a year, sort my shit out,focus on my studies... As I really can't fuck up my major year...sort out my emotions etc.
I've been through a lot and I guess I was using FAB as my escapism. I thought I was ready for this. But I'm not.
Has anyone else felt like this? I just feel like an idiot writing this."
Doesn't sound idiotic, more reasonable.
As others have suggested, politely decline the meet beforehand and only explain if they ask.
To get out of the mindset, maybe go to some clubs and immerse yourself in the experience. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would take a break in your position. There is no rush for you to try and get a 1:1 with a woman. Even if you just sad and looked about and had a laugh in the forum's until your ready is fine. Telling 1 woman you are not ready is not a legitimate reason for you to be seen as a time waster. And most importantly being a woman there is never a shortage in demand for you to go exploring later on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I really admire you for being so honest with yourself.
If it doesn't feel right don't do it, noone is obligated and I'm sure the woman in question would be just fine.
Focus on yourself a little more, I hope your final year is a great success for you xx |
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"I really admire you for being so honest with yourself.
If it doesn't feel right don't do it, noone is obligated and I'm sure the woman in question would be just fine.
Focus on yourself a little more, I hope your final year is a great success for you xx"
Thanks. I think I'm going to do just that. I think the rush of meeting someone, talking to them daily etc, kind of clouded my thinking. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey,
Well I joined FAB a month ago and after a few mishaps I met a nice woman, who is apart of a couple but is willing to do a 1:1 with me, without the partner getting involved ( he knows about me ).
As nice as she is, she does go on quite a bit about her partner... But anyway we've arranged a social meet this weekend. But a day ago, she said something that made me feel like I was just... a person on her list whose she's going to (may) have sex with... And it also kind of reminded why I didn't want to get involved with couples in the first place.
I thought, it I'm already feeling like this, maybe it means I'm not emotionally ready to have (meaningless) sex with someone... Who also happens to be in a relationship. You see, I've only had sex with one person and we were together for many years.
But... I'm not sure... I've always wanted to do 1:1 with a female, with no emotions involved. But I don't think I can, I've never had a one night stand before, or slept with a friend or anyone, just the person I was going out with.
Maybe I'm just thinking too deep about this. I don't think I'm emotionally ready to do this yet... stupid as it sounds.
I was thinking of cancelling the meet, but I don't want to be seen as a time waster, I don't want the person to feel like I was taking granted etc. I don't think I'm ready for this yet. I was thinking of leaving FAB for a year, sort my shit out,focus on my studies... As I really can't fuck up my major year...sort out my emotions etc.
I've been through a lot and I guess I was using FAB as my escapism. I thought I was ready for this. But I'm not.
Has anyone else felt like this? I just feel like an idiot writing this."
You have the rights to pull out of a meet at any time, all because you have agreed to meet them you don't have to, if you feel unsure or unhappy about any part of it you don't have to go through with it, you don't have to go through with it even if you have met, you still have the rights to say no
Your body, your choice
Don't meet somebody you don't want to just because you fear being branded with a daft title |
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If you're not feeling it, you have to go with your gut. It may well be that you're nervous trying something else for the first time, however that doesn't mean that you don't need more time to work out your feelings. Just let her know in good time. She might be disappointed but she'll live. |
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By *ivnwcplCouple
over a year ago
liverpool |
"Hey,
Well I joined FAB a month ago and after a few mishaps I met a nice woman, who is apart of a couple but is willing to do a 1:1 with me, without the partner getting involved ( he knows about me ).
As nice as she is, she does go on quite a bit about her partner... But anyway we've arranged a social meet this weekend. But a day ago, she said something that made me feel like I was just... a person on her list whose she's going to (may) have sex with... And it also kind of reminded why I didn't want to get involved with couples in the first place.
I thought, it I'm already feeling like this, maybe it means I'm not emotionally ready to have (meaningless) sex with someone... Who also happens to be in a relationship. You see, I've only had sex with one person and we were together for many years.
But... I'm not sure... I've always wanted to do 1:1 with a female, with no emotions involved. But I don't think I can, I've never had a one night stand before, or slept with a friend or anyone, just the person I was going out with.
Maybe I'm just thinking too deep about this. I don't think I'm emotionally ready to do this yet... stupid as it sounds.
I was thinking of cancelling the meet, but I don't want to be seen as a time waster, I don't want the person to feel like I was taking granted etc. I don't think I'm ready for this yet. I was thinking of leaving FAB for a year, sort my shit out,focus on my studies... As I really can't fuck up my major year...sort out my emotions etc.
I've been through a lot and I guess I was using FAB as my escapism. I thought I was ready for this. But I'm not.
Has anyone else felt like this? I just feel like an idiot writing this."
You sound like you belong on a dating site not a swinging site  |
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If she reads the forums she may already have got the hint 
Just trying redress the double standards on these type of threads. If a guy was posting about a potential meet off here he'd be hung drawn and quartered before breakfast! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If she reads the forums she may already have got the hint
Just trying redress the double standards on these type of threads. If a guy was posting about a potential meet off here he'd be hung drawn and quartered before breakfast! "
Exactly what I was thinking |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I said this on your other thread and I'll say it again ~ I get the impression you're maybe not ready for 'all this' just yet.
It's meant to add fun to your life not added stress, I'd use that feeling as a benchmark for the future.
Good luck x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You've been wanking too long mate. If you don't want or have the bollocks to meet someone at least grow a pair and tell them so they don't waste their time.
As for meaningless sex it could be argued unless it's to procreate it's meaningless.
However I've never procreated nor ever will but I've had lots of recreational sex and will continue to do so.
Sex ain't meaningless unless unless it's crap then I'd sooner have a good dump! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey,
Well I joined FAB a month ago and after a few mishaps I met a nice woman, who is apart of a couple but is willing to do a 1:1 with me, without the partner getting involved ( he knows about me ).
As nice as she is, she does go on quite a bit about her partner... But anyway we've arranged a social meet this weekend. But a day ago, she said something that made me feel like I was just... a person on her list whose she's going to (may) have sex with... And it also kind of reminded why I didn't want to get involved with couples in the first place.
I thought, it I'm already feeling like this, maybe it means I'm not emotionally ready to have (meaningless) sex with someone... Who also happens to be in a relationship. You see, I've only had sex with one person and we were together for many years.
But... I'm not sure... I've always wanted to do 1:1 with a female, with no emotions involved. But I don't think I can, I've never had a one night stand before, or slept with a friend or anyone, just the person I was going out with.
Maybe I'm just thinking too deep about this. I don't think I'm emotionally ready to do this yet... stupid as it sounds.
I was thinking of cancelling the meet, but I don't want to be seen as a time waster, I don't want the person to feel like I was taking granted etc. I don't think I'm ready for this yet. I was thinking of leaving FAB for a year, sort my shit out,focus on my studies... As I really can't fuck up my major year...sort out my emotions etc.
I've been through a lot and I guess I was using FAB as my escapism. I thought I was ready for this. But I'm not.
Has anyone else felt like this? I just feel like an idiot writing this."
hehe hey you like to get all your thoughts out don't you xx,unfortunately when you said about the couple and having one on one sex with the woman and it being meaningless you hit the nail on the head it will be ,couples form the basis of swinging ,for the most part they have ok sex lives but they've got into swinging to spice it up you are their spice this week ,you can find more meaningful liaisons here but it's not easy ,concentrate on singles I would ,plus you are a little young for all this sewing your oats and all that jazz anyways good luck ,it's good to talk so they say but you don't always hear what you want when you air it here  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd suggest getting on with your studies, You dont want to flunk it by spending all your time and energy here. Fabs is just entertainment for most people.
If your interested in meeting a woman, then why not try visiting a club at some stage. All the best, good luck
"
I was fabbing about with my ex during final year of uni and he got upset when I cancelled stuff and prioritised my degree over him getting his dick wet. Your studies are for now, fab and casual sex will always be there. I'm lucky I worked as hard as I felt I could without dying but I still came out with a bad result, I'm happy for the experiences I had though and I can hold my head up high and say I bloody well gave it my best shot!
If you feel like a notch on the bed post you probably are and if you don't like it don't do it but tell her now rather than on the day. As someone who has experienced the silent treatment or the last minute cancel,its very frustrating. Good luck xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would leave the site and concentrate on my education and child. The forums are the last place you should be with all the drama and pettiness people that post x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If today doesn't feel right.. then wait until tomorrow and ask the question again.
Sounds like your putting too much pressure on yourself.. and thinking too much in return.
Personally I'd step back from it all.. swinging and sex should be fun from the beginning |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Take a break and come back if and when you're ready, you'll have a lot more fun on here when the time is, right good luck with your studies.. sending you a massive hug xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Take a break and come back if and when you're ready, you'll have a lot more fun on here when the time is, right good luck with your studies.. sending you a massive hug xxx"
is this fun though ?? Occasionally maybe |
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"If she reads the forums she may already have got the hint
Just trying redress the double standards on these type of threads. If a guy was posting about a potential meet off here he'd be hung drawn and quartered before breakfast! "
It seems us cynical lot are in the minority with this one 
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Hey, thanks for the messages.
I've already spoken to her and she completely understands. Though as we already got on so well, we've decided to keep in touch and hopefully become friends.
In the meantime, I'm going to hide my profile and come off FAB.
Thanks everyone  |
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