FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Those who swing alone

Those who swing alone

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Hey guys,

I know we have plenty of married (attached) men and women on here who swing without their partners knowledge or consent and that's fine by me.. do what you want ! Im certainly not going to judge.

But my question is to those who's partners know, consent ...albeit begrudgingly (on times) to their wishes.

Do you think they will ever understand it ?

ever change their minds and think 'ok lets have a bash at this' ?

and the big one.... does it work like this... can your relationship not only survive it... but thrive too?

i know that's a very specific question and only relevant to the induduals involved...... but in your opinion ? and we all know how much you love giving your two pence

lol

em x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

Well im in a relationship but mostly swing on my own, im on this site as a single female. My b/f also swings separely but rarely these days.

We where both swingers when we met so that helped. But we are both happy to be doing what we want. We have never in four years had a disagreement about it. The only rule is we tell each other when where happy to have a meet. Hes even given me money to buy a new outfit to go to chams socials in. Works perfect for us

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thats great diamonds

It seems you both have the same attitude towards it, maybe helped by both being on the scene before meeting.

Id love it if my husband had the same ideas and approached things as i do...with an open mind.

I wonder if anyone else on here has a battle of wills when it comes to swinging ?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i swing alone.. i wish my partner had the same views as me, it would be so much easier and so much more fun

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"i swing alone.. i wish my partner had the same views as me, it would be so much easier and so much more fun"

does she know you swing derry ?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We swing both seperately and together (although couples profile is hidden at the moment).

Works well for us.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Well im in a relationship but mostly swing on my own, im on this site as a single female. My b/f also swings separely but rarely these days.

Do you just go to socials Diamond or do you meet alone too? I guess meeting a man alone isn't swinging, its just 2 people having sex. I'd love a relationship like yours!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Well im in a relationship but mostly swing on my own, im on this site as a single female. My b/f also swings separely but rarely these days.

Do you just go to socials Diamond or do you meet alone too? I guess meeting a man alone isn't swinging, its just 2 people having sex. I'd love a relationship like yours! "

Go to socials, meet guys meet couples meet tvs, mmf ffm and i used to do gangbangs but dont anymore

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ibrosMan over a year ago

harrow

In answer to pink play, I don't think the relationship can thrive when your partner isn't supporting your swinging. The compromise can save the relationship and maybe enable two people enough to stay together.

My experience, is having played away for many years, I fessed up. We have decided to stay together. Sex is not part of our relationship and I have a pretty much exclusive social life.

Its a compromise that allows us to make more of the relationship that we have, although I wouldn't want to suggest that it is an entirely satisfactory situation on either side.

This isn't quite the scenario you pose, but I think is still relevant. I think an important question to ask is whether a sexual relationship exists between a couple when one partner is swinging. Many will say this is playing way, the distinction being that here your partner is aware, but it isn't 'rammed down their throat'.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thank you for your input _ibros. Valid points.... I think though its heading where I suspected, down a very slippery slope.

Me and my husband have a sex life to a certain degree , but is it a fulfilling one ? No, not always.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Well im in a relationship but mostly swing on my own, im on this site as a single female. My b/f also swings separely but rarely these days.

sounds like a good arrangement.

well done x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

To be honest, as a singleton, i find it difficult to feel comfortable about playing with a guy that has a partner where he has permission to play alone, afterall ive only his word for that. i just prefer either true single males or couples, i know where i stand then

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *habsMan over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

I thought it was the opening to a joke:

"Those who swing alone.... invest in lots of tissues?"

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"To be honest, as a singleton, i find it difficult to feel comfortable about playing with a guy that has a partner where he has permission to play alone, afterall ive only his word for that. i just prefer either true single males or couples, i know where i stand then

I totally agree.

My profile says single only but I get alot of mail from men saying they have the permission of their wives so it's all ok.

My reply is, it might be ok for you two and that's your prerogative, but it isn't for me, hence why I ask for single only.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i swing alone and am still happily married hubby has no problem with me swinging alone aslong as i am safe he doesnt bother if he ever asked me to stop i would

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

YES ! of course a relationship can thrive .i think it is so cool how couples are so in touch with each other .funny though ,i had a relationship ,and we swung ,and was ok with the single guys ,but once she seen me having fun with another female the tears flowed , would love to find a partner on the same wavelength . think its so cool ,and trendy , FRANKIE XX

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *i 1 Get 1 FreeCouple (MM) over a year ago

birmingham

"can your relationship not only survive it... but thrive too?"

Yes!

as the Bi male and with my partner's approval,I've meet single females alone, however, on occasions my partner has also been present.

Having been together 22 years, it's all about trust, I / we are not looking to love / move in or marry someone

it's purely a sexual encounter!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thank you for all the points of view ..great to hear other peoples experiences ......but the point i was trying to make was more swinging when the other partner isn't really happy about it ...is this the case for anyone else and how does it affect your relationship ?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don’t think either of us would do it if either party wasn’t happy about it, our relationship is more important than a little extra fun, would imagine if that’s how they felt then there’s only one way the relationship will go and that’s downhill.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

some meet others without the partner knowing.

and some meet when they do.

if your single and you can accept they are married then fine.

but i dont make a mockery of a profile when it says no married men and most of the verifactions are from them.

i have met married women in the past and i dont think i will again.

just too much trouble.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"some meet others without the partner knowing.

and some meet when they do.

if your single and you can accept they are married then fine.

but i dont make a mockery of a profile when it says no married men and most of the verifactions are from them.

i have met married women in the past and i dont think i will again.

just too much trouble.

Cant see the relevance myself ????

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i am attached and my partner knows im on here but never asked questions and my profile is available for him to view its not hidden

our relationship is very good apart from sex sometimes could be better on the rare occasions i have it

the meeting of someone for nsa sex gets me ous of hassling my partner every day for sex and out relationship is better than ever now. if he doesn't want to think about it that his choice

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

So your saying your partner knows he doesn't fulfil your needs so lets you carry on for a quiet life ? and for your satisfaction. ?

Fair play to the man !!!

kind of summed up our relationship, my man will let me play with fems alone.. no partys , clubs , etc to relive the frustration but thats his limit!

which doesn't really work due to the distinct lack of fems playing .

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

yeah i think that is the case to be fair

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

well as i said fairplay to him..... talked to mr pink about the same thing ..and it seems its easier to let me play than to make the effort himself ! ...just a shame there are so many restrictions placed on playtime x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

like what?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

no couples, no men, no clubs, socials or partys ......

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

in my experience

if your playing alone and your partner isnt happy then eventually it wont work

some one will get hurt

some one will want to stop

and someone will want to carry on

its all about compromise now

do you settle for an unhappy sex life to keep your relationship?

do you accept the limitations and have fun when you can?

or do you fib and say your not playing when in reality you are ?

it depends on how driven you are to have fun

as one of my closet friends will tell you if there is no sex in a relationship then other things die as well

its all just a matter of time til the end

hope your playing safe no matter what you do xxxx

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

as one of my closet friends will tell you if there is no sex in a relationship then other things die as well

but since ive stopped hassling my partner for sex all the time i do get sex more often and we are getting on better

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"in my experience

if your playing alone and your partner isnt happy then eventually it wont work

some one will get hurt

some one will want to stop

and someone will want to carry on

its all about compromise now

do you settle for an unhappy sex life to keep your relationship?

do you accept the limitations and have fun when you can?

or do you fib and say your not playing when in reality you are ?

it depends on how driven you are to have fun

as one of my closet friends will tell you if there is no sex in a relationship then other things die as well

its all just a matter of time til the end

hope your playing safe no matter what you do xxxx"

All questions I have asked myself over and over again

There is sex, but limited amounts, miss matched drives and desires.

In all honesty its a case of pushing my luck until it all blows up in my face x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sounds like its really time for you to move on, I’d imagine you already know this though, its sounds like he’s went out of his way to a compromise and given you an inch but you want a mile. Hope it all works out.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"in my experience

if your playing alone and your partner isnt happy then eventually it wont work

some one will get hurt

some one will want to stop

and someone will want to carry on

its all about compromise now

do you settle for an unhappy sex life to keep your relationship?

do you accept the limitations and have fun when you can?

or do you fib and say your not playing when in reality you are ?

it depends on how driven you are to have fun

as one of my closet friends will tell you if there is no sex in a relationship then other things die as well

its all just a matter of time til the end

hope your playing safe no matter what you do xxxx

All questions I have asked myself over and over again

There is sex, but limited amounts, miss matched drives and desires.

In all honesty its a case of pushing my luck until it all blows up in my face x"

yes - i can see that - i saw my friend go through it --- everyone hurts though - try not pushing your luck - why dont you both go to relate? they are there to air things not just keep you together - it might be good to have a mediator and a safe place to say things

you wont win the moral battle here and when it does blow up he will use it all against you - look after your self a little and see if you can do something to prevent it from happening that way xxx

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Sounds like its really time for you to move on, I’d imagine you already know this though, its sounds like he’s went out of his way to a compromise and given you an inch but you want a mile. Hope it all works out."

At times i agree it feels like time to move on, im not a heartless bitch, the last thing i want to ever do is to hurt him..but my behaviour is doing just that.

if only it was that simple though, as you all know there's is much more than just sex to a relationship...but your right..i want my mile.

you wont win the moral battle here and when it does blow up he will use it all against you - look after your self a little and see if you can do something to prevent it from happening that way xxx

Ive often thought of relate, but the things i want to say i really dont think i could ever say to him, let alone in front of someone else....we talk , lots and are sometimes very open with each other, he is very clear on the fact that i am his and no one elses and that will never change, so why hurt him with the truth?

i think its time to either choose swinging and the ups and downs that come with it ...or my family and their up's and downs. My husband and i are just to different (in relation to sex) to reach a compromise that we both will be happy with and im very aware that what he is willing to compromise on will never be enough for me.

God what a bloody miserable thread this has turned out to be !

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You know women seem to hate knowing that the partner agrees.. Because Master works on the other side of the country, we thought find a nice girl to have fun with Master and take photos and maybe let me watch on cam. I offered to talk to her on the phone and she said "It wasnt for her"..

Yet while she thought it was behind my back she was all ready to meet him.

So goes both ways.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

At times i agree it feels like time to move on, im not a heartless bitch, the last thing i want to ever do is to hurt him..but my behaviour is doing just that.

if only it was that simple though, as you all know there's is much more than just sex to a relationship...but your right..i want my mile.

yes - i can see that - i saw my friend go through it --- everyone hurts though -

are you trying not to hurt him or not to face the ordeal of it all?

either way your right and it will hurt no matter which way you do this

you are worrying me though - you do need to talk to someone and soon

it doesnt matter if its relate or another prof' body - but you need a sounding board

and for the record those people hear way more than you can ever tell them and they can also see you as individuals if thats how you want to play this

doing nothing and pretending to those you care about wont cut it - time will eat away at that and you will lose control in the end xxx

be safe darling

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/12/10 14:35:40]

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i dont like playing with guys who have a partner, even with their permission and even if she plays alone too as i find attached guys are always in to much of a rush, clock watching and having to get back for the mrs or not being allowed to spend the whole night together

I much prefure true single men who have as much time to put into a meet as i do

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ibrosMan over a year ago

harrow

"i am attached and my partner knows im on here but never asked questions and my profile is available for him to view its not hidden

our relationship is very good apart from sex sometimes could be better on the rare occasions i have it

the meeting of someone for nsa sex gets me ous of hassling my partner every day for sex and out relationship is better than ever now. if he doesn't want to think about it that his choice "

Thank you for this comment. My situation is similar and I feel the same way as you.

Some might have more sympathy for the female (as in my case), rather than the male partner in this situation.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ibrosMan over a year ago

harrow

I much prefure true single men who have as much time to put into a meet as i do"

I think I have to agree with you here. Although if the attached guy generally makes himself available to meet, spends as much time with you as you want and isn't rushing off at the end, should be enough to show he is running his own social life.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *arambarMan over a year ago

swindon

My partner and I were in a similar situation. We got on fabulously, soul mates, absolutely made for each other - except we found out that we were incompatible in the bedroom.

We opened up our relationship, at her request initially. That's how I got into swinging. We never swung together, partly because she preferred to meet people in the real world whereas I'm not into the whole "pull a bird on a Saturday night in town" thing any more.

To echo what was said earlier, a sexless relationship starts to break down in other ways. Unfortunately for us, opening up our relationship only served to prolong it for a while but we split eventually. Looking back, I think it was inevitable.

My heart goes out to you because I can empathise with some of what you're going through right now, and it wasn't enjoyable for either of us.

I hope it works out as best it can for you.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yet while she thought it was behind my back she was all ready to meet him.

So goes both ways."

See as i said i prefer couples together or single guys/ladies too, i would never play with a guy, like you have said, to me thats encouraging him to cheat and no way would i do that. If i was that desperate for sex, ive a nice gentleman i can see time permitting or failing that, a rabbit

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I couldnt swing on my own and I would be very upset if he told me he wanted to, or if he did it without my knowledge - Id be devastated.

He does sometimes feel guilty because of work issues. Weekends are especially difficult for us to swing because of family commitments, so I tend to miss out on socials that I would like to go to. He says to me that perhaps we should find a nice man to take me instead. I wouldnt ever dream of doing that because the main pull of swinging for me is the adventure involving the two of us. Im not interested in doing it alone.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *umpingJackFlashMan over a year ago

Somewhere near you?

Meeting without a partners knowledge/consent isn't swinging its cheating! But swinging alone with partners consent is ok by me, as long as I can actually confirm that with the partner.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ibrosMan over a year ago

harrow

"Meeting without a partners knowledge/consent isn't swinging its cheating! But swinging alone with partners consent is ok by me, as long as I can actually confirm that with the partner."

You're not going to to do that though, are you.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I do get the impression that some couple's have a mad keen partner and one that would be happier with monogamy.

If I came across such a couple and thought "one's not really into this" I'd not push it.

Its also worth mentioning that many of the men playing away would not tolerate thier wive's doing the same.

Alao how many ladies and couple's have offers from Muslim/Asian men?

What would they do if their wife/sister or mother was found to be a swinger or even just had a relationship most take for granted?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ittle-Miss-MuffetCouple over a year ago

Chester / North Wales

Not sure if this really answers the question but, even though we don't plan on it, I have played alone and not only does our relationship survive it (he knows and has even instigated meets) but thrives on it. It's like a fresh injection of spice to our sex life, not that it's short in the first place. If it was begrudgingly on his part then I simply would not do it. So many relationships fail because of imbalance, and like anything where it is more one sided, it will fall over..

Would I be happy for him to play alone? Certainly wouldn't bother me. Wouldn't arouse me in the way it does him, but I am not against the idea. He has never taken me up on the offer though as (lucky me!) his emphasis is on my fun.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *umpingJackFlashMan over a year ago

Somewhere near you?

"Meeting without a partners knowledge/consent isn't swinging its cheating! But swinging alone with partners consent is ok by me, as long as I can actually confirm that with the partner.

You're not going to to do that though, are you."

I myself would and have. There are tell tale signs that someones cheating. And if I had any doubts I just wouldn't meet them in the first place.

You can spot a married man a mile off, his ties always straight

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ibrosMan over a year ago

harrow

I stand corrected.

The exception to prove the rule?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *umpingJackFlashMan over a year ago

Somewhere near you?

"I stand corrected.

The exception to prove the rule?"

I wouldn't say that. I'm sure there are plenty who would not have qualms about meeting a cheating spouse. Its just my personal preference. Having been cheated on in the past before I really understood swinging. If she had have sought permission she may or may not have got my agreement at the time, but I'm sure we would have joined a swinging group together. I just hate dishonesty.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *otswbabeCouple over a year ago

north cornwall

ok, i know this is not going to be popular but I dont believe it for a minute that a guy would turn down meeting a woman they found very attractive behind her partners back. Even when I make it clear it will never happen they still ask and ask. Then its block time. Maybe its just because they are younger guys? Well I wonder, but I doubt it.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"ok, i know this is not going to be popular but I dont believe it for a minute that a guy would turn down meeting a woman they found very attractive behind her partners back. Even when I make it clear it will never happen they still ask and ask. Then its block time. Maybe its just because they are younger guys? Well I wonder, but I doubt it. "

Maybe the ones who would turn down aren't the type to send pushy messages.

What does your OH say? Would he meet an attractive woman behind her partner's back?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Or because you are on this site they assume that you are just teasing and will cave eventually.

A good way of stopping them asking and asking is saying no thanks and blocking at the same time.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Relationships are just too varied and too complciated to answer this in general terms.

I know a couple where the woman says her husband does not mind that she plays alone. He funds her clothes and travel. She socialises and thinks he is fair minded about it.

Truth is. She's all he's got. It kills him but he does it rather than lose her altogether.

That is NOT acceptance it's tolerance. It hurts to listen to him.

Funny how peoples wants form their perceptions. They are both good people but both have a totally different view of what is going on. Cos it suits one of them.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do get the impression that some couple's have a mad keen partner and one that would be happier with monogamy.

If I came across such a couple and thought "one's not really into this" I'd not push it.

Its also worth mentioning that many of the men playing away would not tolerate thier wive's doing the same.

Alao how many ladies and couple's have offers from Muslim/Asian men?

What would they do if their wife/sister or mother was found to be a swinger or even just had a relationship most take for granted?"

This is an interesting point.

I have said no to seeing a bloke I met a few weeks ago.

He was all that and a bit more. Well worth another meet.

As conversation went on I asked - for absolutely no reason except my age etc - 'Would you be okay if your mum was on the site or a site meeting?'

He flipped. Not at me but at the idea. I listened with a lot of interest. He was horrified.

So why won't I meet him? 'I' am someones mum.

He obviously sees that there are 'kinds of women' and decent ones.

If he was really open minded about sex and believes people need and want it he wouldn't object to his mum getting hers would he?

Yes I can see that it's my thoughts thinking this ... but still wouldn't be able to meet him again without getting the idea he views me as 'one of those women from those kinds of site'

I honestly truthfully wholeheartedly believe that people swinging or just looking for sex is perfectly acceptable.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm not sure I'd ever be on here with a partner - but if one half doesn't like the fact that it happens and accepts it and the other half still does it - thats no way to have a relationship.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

» Add a new message to this topic