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Affairs
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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They made it my business by telling all on a night out but assured everyone it was over as they didn't want to hurt anyone. Then I bump into them at the local health suite cosied up together. Why not just be honest with yourself? I would hate to be his wife and it's awkward at work.
But yeah it's none of my business  |
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By *ohnkezCouple
over a year ago
shefiield |
"They made it my business by telling all on a night out but assured everyone it was over as they didn't want to hurt anyone. Then I bump into them at the local health suite cosied up together. Why not just be honest with yourself? I would hate to be his wife and it's awkward at work.
But yeah it's none of my business "
dont get involved it will come back on you |
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By *ohnkezCouple
over a year ago
shefiield |
"They made it my business by telling all on a night out but assured everyone it was over as they didn't want to hurt anyone. Then I bump into them at the local health suite cosied up together. Why not just be honest with yourself? I would hate to be his wife and it's awkward at work.
But yeah it's none of my business "
dont get involved it will come back on you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know you have to live with your choices but how you even gonna approach her to tell her that?
I'd ask them why they even told you in the first place and put you in that position then tell them you're uncomfortable with it and they have to either tell her what's going on or be more discreet about it.
If she ever asks you anything then feel free to tell her what you know is truth and what is your opinion and explain why. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm curious to know, all the people who voted not to tell?
Would you still have the same opinion if the person being cheated on was you? Wouldn't you want to know the man/wife you're married to was making a total mockery of it? Even if it was a stranger telling you?
Food for thought  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When workmates are at it and you know the wife. Do you...
A - Ignore it
B - Ignore them
C - Have a word with them
D - Tell the wife"
yes keep out of it you will only end up getting the blame xx  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would say something to the wife... Odd that no one else feels the same way.
I don't mind being the messenger who gets shot. I don't think I could allow something like that to happen with my knowledge and say nothing.
-Courtney |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would say something to the wife... Odd that no one else feels the same way.
I don't mind being the messenger who gets shot. I don't think I could allow something like that to happen with my knowledge and say nothing.
-Courtney"
Phew I'm not the only one who would say something. I do wonder what the responses would be on a conventional dating site and not a swinging site. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would say something to the wife... Odd that no one else feels the same way.
I don't mind being the messenger who gets shot. I don't think I could allow something like that to happen with my knowledge and say nothing.
-Courtney"
If it was someone close to me then so would i. I'd actually gather some evidence to back me up but doubt i'd need any because they'd know i'm not a liar.
If i only suspected something i'd wait until they mentioned anything.
Tbh it's their relationship, many people stay together despite being cheated on and after being the one to 'interfere' (and that's what i'd be looked upon as after saying something) my relationship with them wouldn't be the same. Sometimes it's better to protect your own relationship with a person than it is to risk it for nothing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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And if it was someone close to me i'd only actually say something if i could see their partner was messing with their head in some way and they knew something was going on. Not even sure i'd give them all the details but would more listen to what they have to say and confirm some of the stuff they're thinking is likely true and steer them towards finding out the truth for themselves.
Being told something is not the same as seeing it for yourself, despite you actually knowing without evidence. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Assume the other woman is single? As nobody has mentioned her husband/boyfriend.
Either way I wouldn't tell. Its none of my business what other people do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What a bunch of hypocrites. Whenever a guy posts on here and he's outed as having a wife/gf he's shot down in flames and painted as Hitler reincarnated and every other reply is "does your wife/gf know?" But then on this post you're like shhh keep it a secret.
Imagine it like this - if you were the wife in this scenario and you found out your close friend knew but didn't tell you then how would feel? You'd feel major pissed (you so would, don't tell fibs).
Morally the OP needs to say something. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm curious to know, all the people who voted not to tell?
Would you still have the same opinion if the person being cheated on was you? Wouldn't you want to know the man/wife you're married to was making a total mockery of it? Even if it was a stranger telling you?
Food for thought "
Because they're cheaters too or just heartless! Why would anyone stand by and allow a good friend or colleague be taken for a mug? That is not a good friend! I would always let my friend know if that happened to them. I care about them and if I lose their friendship for telling, then so be it. Least I didn't stand by and let them become disrespected and laughed at by their other half! If any one here had been cheated on then you know how badly it hurts. Why stand back and watch someone else be treated as a joke??  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm curious to know, all the people who voted not to tell?
Would you still have the same opinion if the person being cheated on was you? Wouldn't you want to know the man/wife you're married to was making a total mockery of it? Even if it was a stranger telling you?
Food for thought
Because they're cheaters too or just heartless! Why would anyone stand by and allow a good friend or colleague be taken for a mug? That is not a good friend! I would always let my friend know if that happened to them. I care about them and if I lose their friendship for telling, then so be it. Least I didn't stand by and let them become disrespected and laughed at by their other half! If any one here had been cheated on then you know how badly it hurts. Why stand back and watch someone else be treated as a joke?? "
Here here  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What a bunch of hypocrites. Whenever a guy posts on here and he's outed as having a wife/gf he's shot down in flames and painted as Hitler reincarnated and every other reply is "does your wife/gf know?" But then on this post you're like shhh keep it a secret.
Imagine it like this - if you were the wife in this scenario and you found out your close friend knew but didn't tell you then how would feel? You'd feel major pissed (you so would, don't tell fibs).
Morally the OP needs to say something."
Agreed! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would say something to the wife... Odd that no one else feels the same way.
I don't mind being the messenger who gets shot. I don't think I could allow something like that to happen with my knowledge and say nothing.
-Courtney
Phew I'm not the only one who would say something. I do wonder what the responses would be on a conventional dating site and not a swinging site."
Agree |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's easy to condem people having affairs but no one ever thinks for one moment about how they actually feel. Perhaps the time together is the only happiness they get. Perhaps they are good people who are protecting their spouses for other reasons.
It's not always black and white. |
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By *ummersun99Woman
over a year ago
North Yorkshire by the Sea |
"I'm curious to know, all the people who voted not to tell?
Would you still have the same opinion if the person being cheated on was you? Wouldn't you want to know the man/wife you're married to was making a total mockery of it? Even if it was a stranger telling you?
Food for thought
Because they're cheaters too or just heartless! Why would anyone stand by and allow a good friend or colleague be taken for a mug? That is not a good friend! I would always let my friend know if that happened to them. I care about them and if I lose their friendship for telling, then so be it. Least I didn't stand by and let them become disrespected and laughed at by their other half! If any one here had been cheated on then you know how badly it hurts. Why stand back and watch someone else be treated as a joke??
Here here "
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By *rc83Man
over a year ago
warrington |
"What a bunch of hypocrites. Whenever a guy posts on here and he's outed as having a wife/gf he's shot down in flames and painted as Hitler reincarnated and every other reply is "does your wife/gf know?" But then on this post you're like shhh keep it a secret.
Imagine it like this - if you were the wife in this scenario and you found out your close friend knew but didn't tell you then how would feel? You'd feel major pissed (you so would, don't tell fibs).
Morally the OP needs to say something."
I would say something. And I wouldn't care if the messenger got shot for doing so.
I wouldn't want someone to hide it from me so why should I do the same? |
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By *ummersun99Woman
over a year ago
North Yorkshire by the Sea |
"It's easy to condem people having affairs but no one ever thinks for one moment about how they actually feel. Perhaps the time together is the only happiness they get. Perhaps they are good people who are protecting their spouses for other reasons.
It's not always black and white. "
People tend to empathize with the victim rather than the perpetrators of lies and selfishness but I take your point that it's not always black and white from the outside. In this case the cheater has admitted it to work colleagues though... Makes it less grey. I'd tell the cheater to stop being an arse and be honest. They can do what they see fit if they are honest and give their spouse the respect of being aware... IMO. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm curious to know, all the people who voted not to tell?
Would you still have the same opinion if the person being cheated on was you? Wouldn't you want to know the man/wife you're married to was making a total mockery of it? Even if it was a stranger telling you?
Food for thought "
If Clarence ever cheated on me and I found out and then discovered a lot of people knew and didn't tell me I would be mortified....but if you aren't friends with her then I wouldn't as she probably wouldn't believe you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"When workmates are at it and you know the wife. Do you...
A - Ignore it
B - Ignore them
C - Have a word with them
D - Tell the wife"
A-ignore it, is none of my business, the marriage maybe in tatters  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How do you know she doesn't know already, by telling her she may feel pressurised to act on it rather than maybe hope it runs it course.
I've seen that scenario play out on a fb forum & it wasn't nice to watch. The women being cheated on said she wished people had kept it to themselves.
The only time I would say anything is if it was happening to a really close friend but before I did I would talk to the other half to give them the opportunity to sort it out 1st. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wouldn't get involved. But then, I wouldn't want to know. I'd be furious if I was his wife and someone I wasn't even friends with presumed to involve themselves in my business in that way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Plausible deniability, have you got it? If not, expect that it will back fire no matter what course you take. Your only option then that is reasonable is to speak to the people cheating. Explain to them that they have to make a decision if they want to keep going or break it off as it isn't fair on the third person.
You have known about this for a while yet not done anything about it, do you not think that will come back to haunt you?
There is always a possibility they are in a cuck relationship which you are unlikely to know about. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm curious to know, all the people who voted not to tell?
Would you still have the same opinion if the person being cheated on was you? Wouldn't you want to know the man/wife you're married to was making a total mockery of it? Even if it was a stranger telling you?
Food for thought "
No I would not want to be told by a complete stranger, or even a friend actually. You cannot assume everyone thinks or will react in the same way as you. No one ever knows what's going on in someone else's relationship because they're not in it, even if they've been told a few things by one partner. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My ex wife was having a affair. And a lot of my so called mates knew . It killed me to find out they knew and not told me "
@toshn
What would you have done if they had told you, would you have believed them, been angry at them & acted on the information?
did you ever ask why they didn't tell you?
sorry if thats being too personal I'm just trying to understand. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm curious to know, all the people who voted not to tell?
Would you still have the same opinion if the person being cheated on was you? Wouldn't you want to know the man/wife you're married to was making a total mockery of it? Even if it was a stranger telling you?
Food for thought
No I would not want to be told by a complete stranger, or even a friend actually. You cannot assume everyone thinks or will react in the same way as you. No one ever knows what's going on in someone else's relationship because they're not in it, even if they've been told a few things by one partner. "
Same here & exactly like the scenario I described above.
Obvs there will be a lot of people that to do want to know ~ eveyone is different. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Plausible deniability, have you got it? If not, expect that it will back fire no matter what course you take. Your only option then that is reasonable is to speak to the people cheating. Explain to them that they have to make a decision if they want to keep going or break it off as it isn't fair on the third person.
You have known about this for a while yet not done anything about it, do you not think that will come back to haunt you?
There is always a possibility they are in a cuck relationship which you are unlikely to know about. "
I've known about it for 6 days. I wouldn't call that a while x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What a bunch of hypocrites. Whenever a guy posts on here and he's outed as having a wife/gf he's shot down in flames and painted as Hitler reincarnated and every other reply is "does your wife/gf know?" But then on this post you're like shhh keep it a secret.
Imagine it like this - if you were the wife in this scenario and you found out your close friend knew but didn't tell you then how would feel? You'd feel major pissed (you so would, don't tell fibs).
Morally the OP needs to say something."
I don't like cheaters and i mention that in topics where it's appropriate but i have remained unbiased towards cheats in topics where they're trying to sort out their relationships.
I've been cheated on and so has just about everyone i know. But sometimes it's better to invest in other things -like your relationship with your friend - then it is to give a shit what the cheater is up to.
Plus i feel it's better to see what the cheat is up to for yourself than to have anyone else tell you because until you see it for yourself it isn't real, the cheat can make up plausible excuses and you'll believe them because you want to. Seen that plenty of times. I've never actually caught anyone cheating at first but you have an idea they're doing it, neither have my friends but they had an idea, it's only when they actually see it for themselves that they do anything about it. They/you know something is going on but don't want to believe it, if someone told me i'd believe them but want definite proof. i'd also want my friends to still be my friend and support me through it.
So yeah we probably are replying based on how we feel, doesn't mean we're cheaters or hypocrites. Although i have cheated on partners after they cheated on me to get myself on an even level with them and feel better, it doesn't help that much tbh but it does stop you feeling helpless and worthless - which is how your partner leaves you feeling when they do stuff behind your back.
Cheating isn't blakck and white, neither are feelings. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My ex wife was having a affair. And a lot of my so called mates knew . It killed me to find out they knew and not told me
@toshn
What would you have done if they had told you, would you have believed them, been angry at them & acted on the information?
did you ever ask why they didn't tell you?
sorry if thats being too personal I'm just trying to understand."
no it's fine , I yes I did ask and they said they did not want to be the one to tell me. How would I have reacted ? To be honest I don't know xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My ex wife was having a affair. And a lot of my so called mates knew . It killed me to find out they knew and not told me
@toshn
What would you have done if they had told you, would you have believed them, been angry at them & acted on the information?
did you ever ask why they didn't tell you?
sorry if thats being too personal I'm just trying to understand. no it's fine , I yes I did ask and they said they did not want to be the one to tell me. How would I have reacted ? To be honest I don't know xx"
How come your friends knew & you didn't? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My ex wife was having a affair. And a lot of my so called mates knew . It killed me to find out they knew and not told me
@toshn
What would you have done if they had told you, would you have believed them, been angry at them & acted on the information?
did you ever ask why they didn't tell you?
sorry if thats being too personal I'm just trying to understand. no it's fine , I yes I did ask and they said they did not want to be the one to tell me. How would I have reacted ? To be honest I don't know xx
How come your friends knew & you didn't?"
because my friends wife's went out drinking with her and watched her texting all night and sussed her out. They obviously told there hubby's who was my friends |
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Not surprised people have no morals and tend to be very selfish these days.Im not an angel,but it's not cool for people to make a mockery of their partners by having an 'official' affair like that.
I will either have a word with the cheaters,or tell if the victim was a friend or family |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not surprised people have no morals and tend to be very selfish these days.Im not an angel,but it's not cool for people to make a mockery of their partners by having an 'official' affair like that.
I will either have a word with the cheaters,or tell if the victim was a friend or family "
So, without knowing the full story you would make a decision about a set of strangers' private lives and jump in there?
Everybody you meet is fighting their own private little battles that you don't know about.
But why don't just help everyone by giving our opinions on everything they do? It's probably for the best because we know more about them and know what's best for them and their families, obviously. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My ex wife was having a affair. And a lot of my so called mates knew . It killed me to find out they knew and not told me "
Has this affected your friendship with them or is it just let bygones be bygones? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Who are you to know the affairs of their hearts? The relationships they are currently in might be an utter facade... and this fling might be strring a profound and lasting love within them that will lead them to leave their current partners and share the rest of their lives with each other before dying of a great age in each others arms having known true love.
You should never stand between someone and love... and from the outside a cheap sexy fling looks no different from a wild and passionate love affair.
Sorry... probably not thinking straight... I just watched the Bridges of Madison County and I'm still all teary eyed lol |
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"Who are you to know the affairs of their hearts? The relationships they are currently in might be an utter facade... and this fling might be strring a profound and lasting love within them that will lead them to leave their current partners and share the rest of their lives with each other before dying of a great age in each others arms having known true love.
You should never stand between someone and love... and from the outside a cheap sexy fling looks no different from a wild and passionate love affair.
Sorry... probably not thinking straight... I just watched the Bridges of Madison County and I'm still all teary eyed lol "
but at the same time, if 2 people are married (to each other) and 1 decides they no longer wish to be in that marriage or keep it only between them then the other half has a right to be aware of this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm curious to know, all the people who voted not to tell?
Would you still have the same opinion if the person being cheated on was you? Wouldn't you want to know the man/wife you're married to was making a total mockery of it? Even if it was a stranger telling you?
Food for thought "
I would want to know more than anything. She could be going on with her life with somebody who actually cares about her.
I would like to think if I was in this situation that I would have the decency to tell her. But I know it's hard to do that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When workmates are at it and you know the wife. Do you...
A - Ignore it
B - Ignore them
C - Have a word with them
D - Tell the wife
E- Mind my own business! "
that was B worded differently |
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"Not sure why anyone would presume it was their right to get involved, leave well alone
Exactly!"
can understand that if its a total stranger, but then if it was a total stranger how would you no they were cheating lol, however if its a friend, family etc thats been cheated on, its only right to act. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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He's a lay preacher at a church nearby. Total hypocrit. Making a mockery of his marriage and his faith.
I won't be saying anything to anyone but I can't be relaxed in their company again. I've lost trust and respect for them. I just hope the wife and kids aren't devastated when/if they find out. Even if they don't I'm sure secrets, lies & cheating has an effect on a family. |
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I'd tell. If you know their facebook account, just make a fake profile and send them a PM, include any evidence you have.
If she's aware and this is a lifestyle for her, then she'll either ignore it or will say "thanks for the thought, but I'm aware and consenting".
If she's not aware and not consenting, then she can leave the dishonest arse and find someone who won't cheat on her.
I wouldn't be able to ignore it. I'd want to know if it were me, and I can't understand the mindset of turning a blind eye to someone else's potential suffering and saying "not my problem mate". |
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