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Open relationships
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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She's frustrated trying to find couples where all click or the guys can perform she brought up trying an open relationship I find it difficult not being in the same room with her when playing let alone same town. Any advice? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This is all about trust and honesty with each other. Some couples do play separately from their joint profile. Communication is the key. Xx"
Thank you. That's the first thing I told her. I need to trust her to do the right thing and I need to trust her partner to do the same |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you don't feel comfortable with playing away then don't do it. The site can be frustrating, but that's no reason to change boundaries. Talk with her about your shared boundaries to get on the same page. Tell her to have patience, it might take time to sort things out but it's not impossible. Remember than your relationship is of more importance than a quick shag and fleeting excitement. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you don't feel comfortable with playing away then don't do it. The site can be frustrating, but that's no reason to change boundaries. Talk with her about your shared boundaries to get on the same page. Tell her to have patience, it might take time to sort things out but it's not impossible. Remember than your relationship is of more importance than a quick shag and fleeting excitement."
Wow. Thanks for backing my thoughts that I shared with her. I have given her an option of finding a hot guy for a mfm |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Wow. Thanks for backing my thoughts that I shared with her. I have given her an option of finding a hot guy for a mfm"
What did she say to that? It sounds like a resonable middleground if your primary goal was to find a couple? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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She's not sure how she would feel with me there Told her as long as I'm not treated as a 3rd wheel everything would be fine. She wonders how I would react when she asks a guy to do things different that I |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Think swinging is going to end your relationship get out now ,its not for everyone certainly not me but I'm single swinging or the basic premise is a couple  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you don't feel comfortable with playing away then don't do it. The site can be frustrating, but that's no reason to change boundaries. Talk with her about your shared boundaries to get on the same page. Tell her to have patience, it might take time to sort things out but it's not impossible. Remember than your relationship is of more importance than a quick shag and fleeting excitement.
Wow. Thanks for backing my thoughts that I shared with her. I have given her an option of finding a hot guy for a mfm"
That's what I was gonna say, having a single guy come round sounds like a good compromise. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you can still try to figure out what you both want and make stuff work for you. Just keep communicating honestly about what you want until you find something that works for you both.
If it turns out you aren't compatible sexually then it might be time to look at getting out the relationship or changing your sex life to something that doesn't suit both of you, but for now everything seems to be new to you and you're both at a stage of trying to work out what you want. Keep communicating for now i'd say. |
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"She's not sure how she would feel with me there Told her as long as I'm not treated as a 3rd wheel everything would be fine. She wonders how I would react when she asks a guy to do things different that I "
This doesn't sound great ... different from the man in a couple watching and liking watching, that does not sound like it is for you. I think you have more thinking and talking to do. Doesn't sound like you are on the same page, to be honest ... |
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It's tricky, but then time and communication are hey to not just swinging issues but most things in relationships.
As others have said, you both have to be in agreement.
This is such a complex issue there is so much to consider, but as others have said if you do venture down this route take baby steps. Meet a guy for a social all together first etc etc.
All the time have the agreement that either of you can stop it at anytime and that even if something happens your not happy about, that you talk about it and don't hold it against the other.
Just take it slow. Or don't do it at all.
D |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think u guys have a lot more open and honest talking to do.
Especially as you sound like this could damage your relationship.
If you can stay open minded, try the mmf but use it as a tester. Talk lots afterwards so u can debrief.
Good luck x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"She's frustrated trying to find couples where all click or the guys can perform she brought up trying an open relationship I find it difficult not being in the same room with her when playing let alone same town. Any advice?"
If she's not prepared to compromise with your solutions then to me it seems you're on different pages and probably shouldn't progress down the swinging rout. From experience if you have any trust or possible jealousy issues with what goes on when she plays alone this will eat at you and things will start to unravel.
Sorry to be negative but those are my thoughts. |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
"If you don't feel comfortable with playing away then don't do it. The site can be frustrating, but that's no reason to change boundaries. Talk with her about your shared boundaries to get on the same page. Tell her to have patience, it might take time to sort things out but it's not impossible. Remember than your relationship is of more importance than a quick shag and fleeting excitement."
I agree with this. Being open isnt for everyone. Not sure i could do it |
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"If you don't feel comfortable with playing away then don't do it. The site can be frustrating, but that's no reason to change boundaries. Talk with her about your shared boundaries to get on the same page. Tell her to have patience, it might take time to sort things out but it's not impossible. Remember than your relationship is of more importance than a quick shag and fleeting excitement."
Simply: this!  |
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"She's not sure how she would feel with me there Told her as long as I'm not treated as a 3rd wheel everything would be fine. She wonders how I would react when she asks a guy to do things different that I
This doesn't sound great ... different from the man in a couple watching and liking watching, that does not sound like it is for you. I think you have more thinking and talking to do. Doesn't sound like you are on the same page, to be honest ..."
I agree. |
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By *ipswingCouple
over a year ago
portrush |
just be yourself ... if you find swinging not really your scene ... dont , and talk with your lady..
if she has discovered the joys of sharing with others ... talk about it...
i know for us, that work commitments take us apart for weeks on end .. so an open relationship is the natural answer ..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"She's frustrated trying to find couples where all click or the guys can perform she brought up trying an open relationship I find it difficult not being in the same room with her when playing let alone same town. Any advice?"
It doesn't really sound like open relationships are for you, to be honest. You basically have a couple of options:
1. Work hard to overcome your feelings of jealousy. It is possible, it's not easy.
2. Continue just to look for couples so that you can both get laid at the same time in the same place.
3. Admit that swinging isn't for you and accept the consequences - which might be the end of your relationship. |
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By *urvyemmaWoman
over a year ago
wigan/bolton |
You sound very unsure and she sounds like she knows you are unsure.
Another bloke will only work if she can relax and not have to worry about you. .sounds like she will have to worry.
It's not for everyone being open. Don't damage your relationship over it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You sound very unsure and she sounds like she knows you are unsure.
Another bloke will only work if she can relax and not have to worry about you. .sounds like she will have to worry.
It's not for everyone being open. Don't damage your relationship over it"
If she wants to be open and he doesn't, their relationship is already damaged. One person is going to have to not get what they want. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You sound very unsure and she sounds like she knows you are unsure.
Another bloke will only work if she can relax and not have to worry about you. .sounds like she will have to worry.
It's not for everyone being open. Don't damage your relationship over it
If she wants to be open and he doesn't, their relationship is already damaged. One person is going to have to not get what they want."
Why is having a difference in views meaning that it is damaged.. relationships are often a compromise... And as long as you can talk then it's not damaged .... You can't always get what you want in life and if one half wants something different or doesn't want to do something then you work out something else . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Couples u both click with is the holy grail! These guys have said it already... Talk, talk and more talk. Your relationship doesn't sound damaged. A good partnership is all about compromise and open discussion. If she loves you I'm sure she won't want to play alone if she knows it freaks you out. She wouldn't enjoy that... X |
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